The Grimm Variations (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- [birdsong]
- [footsteps]
[Charlotte panting]
Jacob! Wilhelm! I need your help!
There's a huge problem! Come quickly!
[barking]
[Charlotte]
The dog was chasing that poor cat.
[Jacob] Hmm.
- [barking]
- [Jacob grunts]
- Fetch!
- [barks]
[Wilhelm] It's a fact of life.
Cats and dogs just don't get along.
Come here. I'll help you.
[Charlotte] Well,
I don't like that at all.
I wish they could get along.
Look at it this way. At least
in fairy tales, they can all get along.
- Dogs, cats, donkeys, roosters, anyone.
- [both gasp]
- [Charlotte] Is that true?
- [Jacob] Of course.
Sometimes, they even join forces
and defeat bad guys together.
[Charlotte] And then what?
- [Jacob] The end.
- [cat meowing]
[Jacob] They all live happily ever after.
That sounds so wonderful.
I wish real life were like that.
[wind gusting]
[upbeat music playing]
[bird screeching]
SHERIFF
[tense version
of Beethoven's "Für Elise" playing]
[man 1 grumbles]
Ah.
[man 2] The Wade brothers seem to be
havin' the time of their lives.
Them boys is in Bremen, ain't they?
[man 2] Yep.
Bunch of hooligans.
Just raisin' hell wherever they go.
Best that way.
Their ruckus keeps us employed.
[woman] Did you manage
to brush it under the rug?
The Ansleys in the west, the Butcher,
and the Garland family in the south,
and all the other gang activity
Your bribes made them just disappear.
The ones we caught ratted you out.
Squealed like pigs.
I expected better from you Sheriff.
[music fades]
My dear Dog.
Unlike idealists such as yourself
like to believe,
the world isn't always black and white.
You happy with yourself?
You destroyed the peace,
which was already hangin' by a thread,
without considerin' the consequences.
[footsteps]
Your style of justice isn't justice
if it hurts those you're tryin' to help.
Leave your badge and your gun on the desk.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[Dog] As a sheriff,
I reckoned I wouldn't be popular
amongst cutthroats and criminals.
In fact, they're how I got
the nickname "Mad Dog."
What I didn't expect
was that my hard-nosed sense of justice
would prove to alienate me
from the folks I worked with.
DOG
[mournful harmonica music playing]
[man] Yo, beefcakes!
Get over here!
DONKEY
- I've never had customer service this bad!
- I'm very sorry.
- I ain't gettin' my money's worth!
- I know, I know. You're right.
If you're not gonna do your job,
then get lost!
- [whimpers]
- [door slams]
CA
[Dog] I don't know much
about their backstories.
But it was our shared societal rejection
that created a common bond between us
and brought us together.
And if you can find a place you belong
in this big wide world,
then, well, I'd say
you lead a very lucky life indeed.
[music fades]
[all whimpering]
[chuckles]
- [low humming]
- [water dripping]
[wind gusting]
[sighs]
- [man 1] Hey.
- Hmm?
[man 1] We're grabbin' some grub.
No slackin' off.
[man 2] No slackin' off.
[stomach rumbles]
Okay.
[somber music playing]
[Dog] Uh, I'm hungry.
[woman] Isn't there somewhere
we can rest, Dog? I hate this!
[whines] Dog! Donkey! Listen to me!
[sobs]
I'm so tired!
We got a little further to go.
Is this even the right direction?
We don't have a destination to begin with.
[Cat whining]
[Donkey] Cat can't walk.
All right, fine.
Let's find somewhere we can sit down.
Like I said, I'm hungry too.
If you hate walkin',
why're you followin' us, Cat?
[Cat] Because I'm intrigued and wanna
know more about little Donkey here.
[Donkey] Little Donkey?
[Cat] Hey, are you really super strong,
little Donkey?
[Dog] She can beat a man to death
with just her fists.
[Cat] Wow, so strong!
I love strong people! Ooh!
Look at your muscles!
[Donkey] That tickles.
[Cat] Do you know
where we're going now, Dog?
[Dog] If we head towards
a place called Bremen,
I figure we'll find somethin'.
Sounds like that's
the biggest town near here.
[wails] Aw, man, but my feet!
- So loud.
- [Cat] I smell like a barn animal!
- Hope something's beyond this hill.
- [Cat] I need a shower!
- You listening?
- Let's ask about Bremen in the next town.
You guys are the worst pimps ever.
Can't you see
your sweet little lady's in distress?
- You ain't the only lady here.
- I'm not a pimp, I'm a donkey.
- [Dog] I certainly ain't your bodyguard.
- My feet are gonna fall off!
- Piggyback ride?
- [gasps]
This is why I love you, little Donkey!
You're the best!
Can you get any louder?
- [Cat] I bet you're jealous.
- [Donkey] You're tickling me.
[Cat] Wow, a town!
I suddenly feel so reenergized!
- Do you wanna walk?
- Not really.
- [Donkey groans]
- You're a piece of work.
Uh
[Cat] I want a shower first!
Ooh, and new clothes!
- [Donkey] You look fine.
- [Cat] I always look fine.
- But my clothes are filthy!
- [Dog] Hey.
[girl gasps]
C can I help you?
[Dog] What's a kid like you
doin' out here?
Um Is there
something I can help you with?
Yeah
Is there a rest stop near here?
- Hmm?
- Hmm?
- There is, but
- [Dog] But what?
[stomach rumbles]
- [Cat] Who was that?
- [Dog] You?
- [Donkey] No.
- [all] Hmm.
Oh. Pardon me. Sorry about that.
- Are you going to Bremen?
- [Dog] Yeah.
I see.
Well, It's just down this hill,
on the other side of the bridge.
Got it. Is there a saloon there?
There is, but I don't think
you should go, if you ask me.
- Why not?
- Uh
Hey! Hello?
[all] Hmm?
- [girl] The Wade brothers.
- [both] Hmm?
[girl] The saloon
is the base for the Wade brothers.
Notorious outlaws who are known for
serial kidnapping,
robbery, murder, and human trafficking.
It's their stronghold.
I suggest y'all keep your distance.
If you still insist on going in, however,
I'll I'll have to report you.
Nothing personal, I hope you understand.
Is that so?
[spurs jangling]
[gasps]
[tense music playing]
[yelps]
[gasps]
Thank you kindly, little one.
Come on, now. How about a smile?
[gasps]
[Donkey] They've got no class,
using a kid like that.
[Cat] Right?
[whirring]
[girl] Oh crap. Sheriffs.
[running footsteps]
- There goes that girl.
- What's going on?
[Western-style version of the Allegretto
from Beethoven's Symphony no. 7]
KAWABATA-TEI
[girl] Roger!
Sheriffs are on their way here!
Huh?
- Got it. Thanks for the report.
- [girl] Sure.
[music fades]
I presume you're the Wade brothers.
[Roger] What's it to you, fatty?
I won't let you act big in my town, boys.
You're not welcome. You understand?
So leave this place immedia
- You bastard!
- Drop your weapons now!
[sheriff 1 wailing]
- [sheriff 2] Are you all right?
- Drop our guns? Not gonna happen.
[whimpering]
[screams and groans]
- [leather squeaking]
- [sheriff 1] Ow, ow, ow, it hurts!
It hurts! [sobs]
Don't you ever think about telling
the Wade brothers what to do again. Clear?
- [Cat whining] Where's the saloon?
- [Allegretto resumes]
A slap in the face for Kawabata-tei.
If the Wade brothers saw them three,
you know what that would mean.
It seems like we've walked into
a bit of drama.
Well, hurry up.
Take me to the doctor already, boys!
[sheriff 3] Are you okay, sheriff?
[sheriff 1] Oh no, is that blood?
[wailing] My blood!
[laughter]
[all] Huh?
[both] Huh?
Hmph.
[both] Hmm.
Huh? Just who the hell
are these three broads?
Those are the three from before.
[Dog] It's nice and quiet.
[man] Sure.
[Dog] I'll take that.
[Cat] I'm starving!
Barkeep. What food do you recommend?
Hey, hey. What's up, girlie?
Now what's a gal like you want
with the Wade brothers?
- Nothing. Who are they?
- Huh?
I'm just here for a bite.
- Barkeep, can I get some food?
- [Roger growls]
What do you have here?
[barkeep] Unfortunately,
nothin' worth orderin'
That looks fine.
[barkeep] That was the last of it.
[Roger] Ah, what a pity! Our bad!
Looks like we hogged it all.
Dan. What do you say
we let them have some of ours?
[Dan] Mm-hmm.
[clattering]
Bon appétit, ladies.
[laughter]
Hmph.
[Cat] Jeez. This place feels so hostile.
[woman] You folks should leave
before things get worse.
It costs us time and effort
to clean up after them.
[Cat] Aww man, what happened
to me getting my beauty sleep?
[brother 2] I won't lie, we're known
to enjoy a good scuffle.
But if it's a fine woman,
that's another story.
A completely different story!
[brother 2] So, uh
- What do you say? Care for a drink?
- Oh my.
[Tim] Let's have some fun, huh?
You really think you can
entertain a girl like me?
[Tim] Damn. I love 'em feisty.
- [laughs]
- [Donkey] Hands off.
Huh?
I said, hands off.
[Roger] I see your attitude is as big
as those bulging muscles in your neck.
I don't care if you think you're strong.
Mess with the Wade brothers,
and you'll get rolled.
We need no introduction.
I think you know exactly who we are.
No idea.
Well, we're the Wade brothers, babe.
And you'll know who we are now!
[grunts]
Yeah. I know you now.
[gasps]
Aw, too bad.
I actually would've played with you if
you were stronger than little Donkey is.
I'm not attracted
to feeble little baby men.
- Tim! You all right?
- [Dog] Sorry to have bothered you.
Looks like we chose the wrong place.
This is for your trouble.
- Well, thanks.
- [Dog] Let's go.
You bastards!
Who the hell are you assholes?
[Dog] Mad Dog.
At least, that's what trash like you
refer to me as. So I hear.
[gasps]
Oh, I get it now.
She's been huntin' down gangs
one at a time,
pickin' fights on their turf
and wipin' 'em out.
Doesn't matter to her
if they're dead or alive.
Mad Dog, the combative sheriff,
standin' right here in our own saloon.
I heard the rumor that it was a woman
A rumor is a rumor.
I just get moved around a lot.
It's my job.
[laughs]
Still, for a chick, you got some cojones.
Trying to raid the Wade brothers
with only three people.
You're either brave or stupid.
I'm flattered, but it seems
as if you've greatly overestimated us.
The three of us are simply scouts sent
to the saloon for a little recon mission.
Soon enough, an elite team
of 40 or so guys way scarier than me
will be arriving here
to rain hell upon you.
As they say,
evil deeds do not prosper, gentlemen.
Did you think you could keep raisin'
a ruckus wherever you went forever?
But tell you what, I'll cut you a deal.
Promise me you'll leave town
and never darken their door again,
and I might be inclined to let you go.
You're the one getting
a one-way ticket outta here.
Say hi to your maker for me.
[gasping]
R Roger
No!
- [squelch]
- [onlookers gasp]
- [man 1] Did you see what just happened?
- [man 2] No
And, for the rest of you
my dance card's open if you wanna tango.
- [Dan] Let's get outta here, Tim.
- [Tim gasps]
[Dan] We're outta time, man.
If we waste it trying to take her down,
we'll be swamped by 40 guys soon.
It's over.
Want 'em to kill the rest of us?
[Tim] Yeah, yeah, you're right. [grunts]
[Dan] Guys, we're outta here!
[door opens]
[shuffling footsteps]
[gasps]
[sighs]
[neighing]
[both sigh heavily]
I do apologize
for raising a ruckus in here.
- I feel terrible it's the best I can do.
- [growls]
[Dog] But
it should cover the tables and floor.
Look, as grateful as I am
to be rid of 'em
all this fightin' and killin's
bad for business.
So I'mma need y'all to get the hell out.
Here, hon.
Wipe the blood off 'fore you go.
I appreciate it.
[running footsteps]
- [door crashes open]
- Uh?
[somber music playing]
[all whimpering]
[chuckles]
[brother 3] So here's the deal.
Your parents won't pay the ransom.
[gasps]
Seems like Mommy and Daddy
really don't want you back.
[sobbing]
Listen, kid, what if I gave you a job?
[girl] I just wanna go home. [sobs]
What is there to go home to?
Your shitty parents who abandoned you?
Maybe they just thought
you were completely worthless.
If you're seen as a burden, folks'll
cut you off, without a second thought.
You learned the hard way.
We're gonna give you a job and feed you.
But that's 'cause
we asked a favor of our big brother.
So you better not embarrass us.
A brat who's got no one to rely on.
Lettin' yourself become a puppet
for those damn criminals.
[growls]
If you weren't workin'
for the Wade brothers,
I would have beaten you to death
right here myself.
Get up, already!
I'm sorry.
- [Dan] It's gotta be the left hand.
- [Tim] It's the right hand.
- [Dan] You cheater.
- [Tim] Leave me alone.
[Roger] Hey, Lookout.
So, you getting used to the gig?
I think those're starting
to suit you pretty well.
- [Dog] Where are you going?
- [gasps]
[girl] I, uh
[lighter clicking]
[sucking sounds]
- [crash]
- Gah! Big brother!
You idiot. What happened to
"Don't come in till I tell you to"?
This had better be very important.
Hear me?
You interrupted me
in the middle of something.
Roger is They just killed Roger, man!
[sobbing]
[groans]
You've always been
the crybaby of the family.
[girl] Yeah,
I know it was a terrible place.
But it was the only place I had,
so can you blame me?
A kid can't survive in this world
on her own.
[Dog] You remind me a little of someone.
- Huh?
- [Dog] Listen.
You wanna take a bet on me, kid?
Take a bet?
- Bet what?
- [Dog] That we can create a home.
A place where we can all belong.
[chuckles]
Her name was Mad Dog? Really?
[Tim] I get it.
Look, I know you don't believe me,
but this chick was freakin' legit, man!
She had some sick knife skills!
Tell him, Dan!
[Dan] Shut up. Keep me out of this.
But I do think she is the real deal.
[Sean] If so, then an elite team
coming to clean up was a bluff.
And you guys ate it up like idiots.
[Tim] Wha Wait, so she was lying?
Yeah. I don't give a shit
about all the details.
They defied the Wade brothers,
and that's more than enough for me.
They asked for death. We'll deliver.
[barkeep] We were just tryin'
to make an honest livin',
but now the bar is a total mess.
[wife] That's because
you're a wuss of a man!
Bootlickin' anyone stronger than you.
[barkeep] Yeah, yeah
- [wife groans]
- [door opens]
- Huh?
- You again. What do you clowns want?
Look, we told you,
we appreciate what you did earlier.
But we don't want any more
trouble in our saloon, ya hear?
I get it.
You've gotten the brunt of all this.
However, a bigger storm is brewing
and heading your way.
[barkeep] Huh?
The Wade brothers will come back.
When they do, we all die.
What? What'd you just say, lady?
What about your 40 sheriffs?
[Dog] Sorry to disappoint, but my status
as a sheriff was unceremoniously revoked.
I only mentioned the backup team
to buy us some time.
[both gasp]
- [wife] Hmm?
- [grunts]
[Dog] Sorry,
but that's all the money I got left.
You'll just have to consider it as
advanced payment.
[pop-style version
of Beethoven's 5th Symphony playing]
KAWABATA-TEI
[neighing]
[rifle blasting]
[music distorts and fades]
[barkeep whimpering]
Uh, look, boys. Sorry, I
Yeah, yeah.
Just tell us
where those crazy broads went, Pops.
[barkeep] I swear, I don't know nothin'.
They left right after your little scuffle.
[music resumes]
[yelping]
[screaming]
Gah! Is that oil?
[mutters]
Hey! Up there!
[groans]
- [energy buzzing]
- [henchman moaning]
You bitch!
Upstairs! Go after her!
[screaming]
[growls]
[yelping]
Hey! The hell you going?
[henchmen wailing]
[grunts]
[crackling]
[Dog] Ah, you came back to tango!
If you leave now I might let you go.
[Sean scoffs]
I guess we're now three on three.
- Let's dance!
- [gunshot]
[sobbing]
Heh. There's actually four of us.
That's your cue to help.
Lookout.
[running footsteps]
If you haven't noticed,
knives are our specialty too, sweetheart.
Hmm?
What the hell are you doin', Lookout?
[weakly] You don't have to
[electricity crackling]
- [Sean] Use it to kill the sheriff, now.
- [gasps]
If you do, kid,
then everything is water under the bridge.
By your hand or mine, we're gettin'
rid of that broad right here, right now.
Even if you defend her, you think
she would ever give you a place to belong?
I lost some men, kid.
If you take care of her for me, you'll
no longer be seen as a petty lookout.
I'll consider you my family.
You mark my words.
'Cause for outcasts like us, this is
the only way to survive in this world.
- [rumbling]
- [Tim roaring]
[yelling]
[groans]
[rumbling]
[Sean] Heh.
[laughs]
So that's your answer?
I'm serious! So stay back!
This time,
I'll create a place for myself to belong.
Stop!
- [gasps]
- [Dog grunts]
Don't shoot him!
[gasps]
[panting]
Shoot me.
[gasps] You think I won't?
- [gasps]
- [Dog] You took a bet on me, remember?
Let me be the one to finish it. Step back.
Trust me, kid. You don't wanna
let hatred take control of you.
- [explosion]
- [gasps]
- [wife whimpering]
- Wha What's goin' on?
- This is, like, really bad.
- [Dog] Cat!
- Hmm?
- [Dog] Keep her safe for me!
Ugh! All right!
- [Dog] Donkey!
- [Donkey] On it. Get up.
- [gasps]
- You're coming with me!
Dog, hurry it up!
I'll be right there!
Let's settle this, now.
[intense energy crackling]
[all gasp]
[rock version of the Adagio from
Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" playing]
Let's see how good your gunslingin' is,
ex-sheriff.
Draw your gun, Mad Dog.
You're gonna regret
not finishing me off earlier!
- [Dog grunts]
- [Sean gasps]
[groaning]
[music stops]
[moans]
[all shudder]
[Dog] Sorry about that.
But I'm not that good with guns.
- [horses neighing]
- [wheels rattling]
Is it true
the Wade brothers have been wiped out?
Yes, sir. And I heard it was
a group of four women who'd done it.
KAWABATA-TEI
[lively music playing]
Here you go, our special chili con carne!
It looks great!
[man 2] This is your specialty, huh?
Yeah, so devour it.
If you don't,
we'll have to charge ya double the price!
- [chuckles]
- Hey there! What can I get you?
You know,
they never really left, did they?
Supposed to be my bar. What happened?
- [Cat] Dog, order over here!
- [Dog] Got it.
[both sigh heavily]
Here you go, Cat. Nice an' hot.
- [Dog] I don't know their backstories.
- You're so fast, my little Donkey!
But it was our shared societal rejection
that created a common bond between us
and brought us together.
Hey, we don't mind you
bringing us more than we ordered.
- We'll drink it all!
- Sorry, I'm still really new at this!
[chuckles]
- [man] Hey, miss?
- [Dog] I'll be right with you!
- Rooster! Grab that table for me.
- Sure, you got it!
KAWABATA-TEI
[Dog] And if you can find
a place you belong in this big wide world,
then, well,
I'd say you lead a very lucky life indeed.
[Beethoven's "Für Elise" playing]
[music fades]