The King of the Machos (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- [Charly] It's bent already.
- [Alonso laughs]
Don't worry. Look, I'll show you.
But pay close attention, eh?
Because this is a matter of practice.
If you want to hammer
a nail the right way,
you need to do a lever motion
with your forearm, not just your wrist.
And then just strike it once, boom!
Ah, right? [laughs] Do you want to try it?
- Let's see.
- Go for it.
- [hammer thuds]
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[chuckles] Well, little by little, right?
Practice makes perfect, don't worry.
Do you want to try again? Go for it.
Yes. Okay, okay.
You can do it.
- Very good, very good.
- Yeah? [giggles]
You did great.
[rooster crows]
THE KING OF THE MACHOS
[Antonia] Go ahead.
Is this for real?
Of course.
And don't, don't, don't make that face.
You know who used to
eat this for breakfast?
El Perro Aguayo,
and look how far that guy got.
I'm really happy for him.
Bon appétit, Charly.
Much respect, Charly.
Now you've really got balls.
Mmm. Thanks.
Wow, my friend,
your social really is on fire now.
[clears throat]
By the power vested in me
by my experience as an influencer,
I declare myself your PR rep, your coach,
and your community manager.
- Calm down, influencer.
- Nice to meet you.
Charly, from now on,
it's all about managing your fame.
- What are you talking about, dude?
- Are you ready?
berean
- It's okay to be surprised.
- Not bad at all.
Not bad, but don't look at it too much
because you'll get distracted.
- Eat breakfast.
- Oh, I'm not going to eat this.
You're shitting me,
what's wrong with people?
I don't get why they're following
this freak.
Oh, are you stalking her?
Do you like her, or what, man?
No way, what's up with you?
Look, dude, chill.
A macho proves himself in the ring,
not on socials.
Hey, take a fucking picture of me. Do it.
- Look, right here. Here.
- [friend] Let's see.
- [exhales deeply] That's it.
- Come on, León.
There you go.
- Hey, show off your bicep more.
- How, like this?
All right, there it is. Okay, another one.
- Show off your bicep more. That's it.
- Like this?
That's it. Good, champion.
MACHO
I've always dreamed of leaving this town
and seeing what's out there.
- Uh, meeting new people
- That's obviously what you have to do
because, I don't know, small-town life
for someone as special as you?
Honestly that's way, way below you. Right?
I mean, your parents lead
a very, very, very dignified life.
But I see you doing something
- bigger.
- Yes, that's precisely why I signed up
for the contest.
Because, if I win, I can use
the prize money to go study in the city.
And plus, you're so smart. Wow.
And what do you want to study?
I'm thinking about sociology.
- No. Wow.
- [laughs] Yes.
That sounds super interesting, right?
It is.
I just got a thought.
When I'm governor,
I'll pay
for your entire college education.
- [laughs]
- Are you serious?
Yes. Oof.
Mr. Mayor, you have no idea
how much that means to me.
But look, the first thing you need to do
is stop calling me "Mr. Mayor."
- [chuckles]
- It's Jerónimo, okay?
- Jerónimo.
- [laughs] Better, better.
- [knocking on door]
- Come in! Come in!
- Excuse me, eh?
- [chuckles] No.
What's up, my Mayor?
I wanted to let you know that
the personal ass-istants are ready.
[stammers, sighs]
[groans] Mini-Johnny, that's bad.
No, no, no, don't use that language.
When? When? That's really bad.
You know what?
Go wash your mouth out with soap.
- Since when did that change here, or what?
- Get out!
- Okay.
- [Jerónimo chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- [exhales] Forgive me, eh?
But we've had some staff problems.
[gasps] I got it.
Today is your lucky day
because I'm going to show you
a day in the life of Jerónimo Navarro.
Like how they used to do on TV.
You know, those music video channels?
One day with a superstar.
- I'd love that. Yes, of course.
- Yeah, no, it's super '90s,
like the music video channel.
Do you remember?
- [laughs]
- Well, no, how could you remember?
But anyway, I feel like a star, more
Good afternoon, good afternoon,
beautiful people, eh?
Doña Lucy, I'll come get the tunas later.
[laughs]
Everyone is turning to look at you
because we're famous, eh?
- [chuckles]
- You need to get used to that.
- Good morning, good morning.
- [villager] Good morning.
How are we? How are we?
How are we doing, kids?
- [villager] Good, good.
- [Jerónimo chuckles]
- [Ponciano] Mr. Jerónimo Navarro.
- [Jerónimo] Mm-hmm.
What are you doing with this thing?
[scoffs] Hey, hey, hey.
Be respectful, please.
His name is Charly and he is my friend,
and he deserves our utmost respect, eh?
But watch out, Mr. Jerónimo,
don't catch whatever illness
your little friend is suffering from.
[both snicker]
All I have that can rub off on you is
my charisma and good looks.
- No, man.
- [Jerónimo chuckles]
That's why we're friends, Charly, eh?
Excuse me.
Those hicks don't know a thing, dude,
but later
What do you think?
Do you think he's a fag?
No.
All right.
[chuckles] Hello, hello.
Hey.
That's how you blow people away, eh?
You need to carry yourself
like in the old-time movies.
The drinks here are so-so,
but the hot girls are the best in town.
Charly, what a nice coincidence.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Jerónimo.
- Inesita.
Hey, it's a godsend
to run into you two here.
Would you mind if I try to do
a little, short, quick interview?
- [chuckles] Honestly
- Anything for you, anything for you.
- Of course, of course.
- It'll be really casual. Relax.
- Really casual.
- Arturo!
[Arturo sighs]
- [camera beeps]
- Good afternoon, dear viewers.
I'm Inés Montoya and I'm here with
our distinguished mayor, Jerónimo Navarro.
But we also have
the pleasant surprise of having
none other than Charly Tejeda
with us as well.
[chuckles] Hello.
[Inés] Mr. Mayor,
at the last King of the Machos test,
you surprised all of us
by publicly supporting Charly,
the first and only trans contestant
in San José de las Tunas' history.
Can you explain the reasoning
behind your sudden decision?
Well, Inesita, first off, uh,
well, yes, perhaps people at home
were surprised.
But normal the truth is my heart
has always supported diversification.
[Charly chuckles]
[whispers] Diversity. Diversity.
[chuckles]
You can edit that, right? Later.
Since we're in front of the camera,
I want to take this opportunity to say
that these these, uh, tribes
will be protected when I'm governor.
Oh, wow, that's quite a revelation.
And not just that, eh?
Our state has lagged behind in many ways,
and then along came Charly.
Just look at that face.
He's driven, eager to change things.
And so I said, "Of course, of course.
San José de las Tunas is
as ready as any cosmopolitan city
to embrace their gays,
their their lesbians, their things."
I'm not a thing, I'm trans.
Trans. Yeah.
And tell us, when are you planning to
launch your campaign for governor?
Oh, look, Inesita, honestly,
you're putting me a bit on the spot,
but my wife [chuckles] can hardly wait.
The next test is coming up.
How exciting, baby.
- Yeah, well, but
- But what, baby?
The issue is that
the next test will be in teams.
They're going to draw names soon
to see who we're matched with.
[parent] Well, good luck, baby.
Dad, uh
I was thinking that, I don't know,
maybe you could help with the drawing
so that the best contestants
are on my team.
Are you scared that lesbian
will end up on your team?
No, no, no, no, not at all.
But but I don't want to lose.
And I'm sure she will make her team lose.
Well, it was your dumbass mistake
that got us into this,
so let's see how you'll get us out.
And be careful not to fuck it up again.
Do you want some whiskey, love?
What I want is for you
to stop calling him "baby."
That's what I want, starting now.
Imagine that, Toña.
He wants to pay for
my entire college education.
With that money, we can rent an apartment
and you'd only have to worry
about paying for college expenses.
What do you think? Can you believe it?
[chuckles]
No, it sounds too good to be true.
Plus
Charly, I don't know if it's cool for you
to be going around with the mayor.
It's weird, don't you think?
You're kidding, Toña.
You're the one who said that
I had to take advantage of fame,
and that's what I'm doing.
[sighs] Look, I'm late for the drawing.
See you later.
DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
[Joel] Distinguished
and handsome young men,
we are going to randomly draw three groups
of three participants each
to compete in the next round.
So, let's go to the raffle.
Drum, drum, drum.
No bias here, I'm totally neutral!
May God share the luck between you, guys.
And the members of the first team will be
Javier!
Fidel!
Mario!
[laughs]
And the second team will be made up of
León!
[chuckles] Santiago!
- [laughs]
- [Joel] Oh, I'm so nervous.
And the third will be Dun, dun, dun, dun
- [gasps, laughs]
- [Joel laughs]
Charly!
[laughs]
The third team will be made up
of everyone else, okay?
Get started, then. [chuckles]
We're not going to plan
any strategy or anything?
All I'm gonna say, Charlota,
is that no girl is gonna make me lose.
So, you'd better bring it, eh?
Just so you know,
I'm just as manly as any of you.
Stop with the bullshit.
A woman is a woman,
and no matter how much you'd like to,
it's impossible to become a guy.
Whatever you say, León, but I'm going
to show you that I'm more macho
than you and your dad combined.
The girlie got mad.
Cut it out.
[rooster crows]
[phone chimes]
- [rooster crows]
- [grunts]
[rooster crows]
See you where we left off?
Ok!
- Yes, and I want León's to be yellow.
- Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Honestly, that little dance Carlota did
at the last test was ridiculous.
It was awful.
What were the steps? Oh, it was
[all laugh]
Oh, it was so low-class.
Well, I thought the dance was fun.
- No.
- No.
Carlota is nothing more
than a circus attraction.
She's she's like, uh,
like the bearded lady.
- But she wishes she had a beard.
- [laughs]
At least he's not a caveman,
like the other guys
who only have brute strength.
And his name is Charly.
My son's name is Charly.
And by the way, he's winning the contest.
Are you ready to win the next test?
Yeah, I hope so.
They're about to start the contest.
What's wrong, Charly?
They're looking for you.
- Yes.
- Hurry up.
Yes. I'm sorry, I'll see you in a bit.
- Good luck, handsome.
- [Charly mumbles]
No, wait.
- Hey, it's not Let me explain. I
- [Antonia laughs]
You don't have to explain anything.
But they are looking for you.
- Yes.
- Yes. Go quick.
And well, as we all know,
no macho can be a coward.
That's why today's test will measure
the bravery of each one of
our macho wannabes.
The test will consist of reaching
their damsel in distress and saving her.
But, but, but, but, but
this won't be as simple as it sounds,
since the parts they need
to finish their ladder to glory
are located in this pit
full of manure and mud.
The organizers have filled the pit
with their raunchy shit,
I mean, from their ranch,
where they have a lot of cows.
- [audience laughs]
- Each team member
will look in this disgusting pit
for the nails, hammer and the steps
needed to complete the ladder.
Then they must reach
their damsel in distress and save her.
- It's a most difficult test.
- [horn blares]
THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS TES
- Let's go, Charly!
- No fear, my Charly!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Talk about bad luck. He got picked to be
on the same team as León.
Don't talk to me about Charly right now.
Now What's wrong?
Did you wake up
on the wrong side of the bed?
Hey, Charly already knows,
but we're going to have
a dinner at the house.
Estela is going to make her mole de olla
that's finger-lickin' good.
Of course,
his best friends have to be there.
Don't let me down, eh? See you there.
Thanks, Mr. Alonso.
Count me in for everything.
Even what I can take to-go.
There ya go. [laughs]
Machos, begin.
No fucking way.
[retching]
[retching, coughing]
No way.
What the hell, Santiago? Get in.
I can't stand up. [coughs]
Come on, Santiago.
- Let's go, León! Go, go, go, go!
- Go, León!
Charly, Charly, Charly, Charly!
Shut up, you fucking weirdos!
Come on, asshole, don't taunt me
because I'll come after you! Come on!
My wife scares me more than you, kid.
Get outta here already.
Go on, go wash some clothes. Come on!
Shut up, you dick! Shut up!
[strains]
He didn't mean it.
- Let's go, León! Let's go!
- Let's go, León!
This is fucking disgusting,
you gotta be shitting me.
- [retches, coughs]
- [grunts]
Hell yeah, I got the hammer.
That's my son!
- Good.
- [Lázaro] Yeah!
Awesome!
[audience chanting]
León, León, León, León!
Let's go, Charly!
Bravo, Charly!
Get in here, dude!
You're gonna make us lose, Charlota.
What now?
Ugh, fucking hell!
- Nasty.
- [audience groans]
[speaks Spanish]
Disgusting, eh?
I can't even explain the stench.
- [Víctor] Ugh.
- No, well, you can smell it over here.
I remember when I did this test.
Ah! [laughs]
- [Joel] How'd you like it?
- [Miriam] That's disgusting.
[Santiago retches, coughs]
Let's go!
Hurry up, hurry up!
Faster, honey!
Go for it!
Fucking hell! They're going to beat us
and it's your fault! Get in now!
- I can't. I'm not able to.
- Come on, Santiago!
- Get in, dumbass!
- [Santiago] No, no.
- [Charly] Fucking shit!
- [León] Come on, Santiago.
You can do it, asshole. You can do it.
[León's parent] Quick, little girl!
[Charly] You dumbass!
Get in this pit right now,
and take out the box of nails
or I'll tell your girlfriend Rosa to
break up with you because you're a coward.
Go, do it! Do it, asshole, get in!
- [Santiago retches]
- What are you doing, dude?
- Fucking hell!
- You're shitting me.
Come on, Santiago, get in. Let's go.
They're going to beat you, you dumbasses!
I found the nails.
[audience cheers]
Pass me the hammer.
Here you go.
- [León] Come on, Santiago.
- You're doing it wrong, damn it.
- Do it with your wrist, not your forearm.
- No, it's okay.
- Let's see.
- Hey, move over!
Hey, Santiago, help me with this.
I taught him that. [laughs]
Don't let a woman take the hammer
from you! Grab it, León!
- Quickly, Charlota!
- Shut up, dumbass!
[Víctor] And team number 1 is doing well,
as they've finished their ladder
and have moved on
to rescuing their damsel.
Hurry up, asshole!
Don't you see they're ahead of you?
- Grab the hammer!
- [León's parent] They're beating you!
[sighs, clicks tongue]
- They're about to go up. Move it, move it.
- Shut up.
[León] Dude, they're beating us.
[audience cheering]
- [laughs]
- [spectator] No, well, that's great.
Good, guys, good.
[Joel] We have a clear winner, eh?
[Miriam] Of course.
[Víctor] Oh, and Mario takes
his damsel into his arms
and begins to come down.
[laughs]
Ladies and gentlemen of Tunas,
we have our first-place team,
and that's team one.
Remember that
each of the contestants earned
ten cumulative points for tomorrow's test.
Help, help. Someone rescue me.
Hey, dude, leave this to the badasses.
Go, dude.
[contestant] Help them, Pepe.
- Dude, hurry up already!
- [León] Shut up, Charlota.
[crowd chanting] León, León, León, León!
[Charly] Now, now, now. Go up.
Come on, León.
- Get up there, dude!
- Let's go, damn it.
Shut up, you fucking broad!
[clasp clinks]
- Hurry up!
- Shut up!
[audience chanting] León, León,
León, León, León, León, León, León!
Thank you, my macho.
[Víctor] And the second team to qualify
for the next round is team two!
Let's have a round of applause for them!
[Miriam] Let's hear it!
Fuck.
Again.
Santiago, León and Charly
have each earned
six points for the next test.
- Second place is good, right?
- Second place is perfect.
- Okay.
- Please help me. Run, run.
[damsel screams]
Ah!
A "padamedic", a "padamedic"
a paramedic.
Is there a doctor in the house?
- [Miriam] She got up.
- [Joel] She got up.
[Víctor] Take her to the holding area!
And team three was able to stand up.
They saved their damsel.
She may be a bit beaten up and shaken up,
- but we can forgive that, can't we?
- No, no, no.
- I think the rope was quite messed up.
- No, no, no.
You decide, miss.
Tell us, should team three
stay in the contest?
- Yes.
- [Víctor] Team 3 has two cumulative points
- for tomorrow's test.
- Yes!
[Víctor laughs]
And all nine macho wannabes
remain in the contest!
[audience cheers]
It was one thing after the next, eh?
Sir, you have to go down
with the townspeople.
Let's go.
TEST: DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
EDITION: CXVI
- Congratulations, Charly.
- Congratulations.
Oh, Son, you went above and beyond, eh?
Seriously. No, no, no, no, no.
Six points, that's not bad.
But ten is better.
No, yeah, but you'll have more tests
to gain the points back, don't worry.
I gotta go because I'm going to help
your mom make that dish you love,
the molito de olla.
Sounds delicious.
Okay. See you soon, Son.
Okay.
[Juanito] Charly.
Charly.
Congrats.
- [Jerónimo] Come here, guys.
- Thanks.
- [Juanito] Mr. Mayor, please.
- [Jerónimo] Yes, of course.
Guys, please come with me.
- What's up, Charly?
- [Charly] Hi, how are you?
Congratulations, Charly.
Thank you, thank you.
Come have dinner at our house tonight, eh?
But take a shower first, eh?
[Jerónimo laughs]
- I'm joking.
- [laughs]
- [Charly] I'd love to be there.
- No fucking way.
- Showered and all. Thanks, Jerónimo.
- I'm joking, I'm joking.
- [chuckles]
- [Juanito] Great. Great.
- Okay.
- Can you take a picture for us, Charly?
- Please. Quickly, yeah?
- My pleasure.
- A picture, let's go, let's go, let's go.
- Yes.
- Here in the middle.
- Of course.
No, Charly. Don't put your arm
around them. Just pose like that.
That's it.
- Great. One more?
- Thanks. Yes.
- [Juanito] Thank you, guys.
- Thanks. [chuckles]
- [Juanito] Congrats.
- See you at the house. Bye.
You're shitting me, he smells like shit.
All right, well, we also can have dinner
at the mayor's house.
- We're a team, right?
- [Charly scoffs]
I don't think the mayor wants
any chickens at his house.
Tone it down, dude.
We rescued the damsel and we didn't get
last place. So, that's enough.
We were this close to losing
because of you, Santiago.
We passed the test, didn't we?
You think you're badass
because the mayor supports you,
- but you're not worth shit.
- You're the one who's not worth shit.
Although you always want to screw me over,
in the end, other people fucked up.
That proves you're an idiot.
- I'm so sick of you, you fucking
- Enough. Leave it for now.
Get out of here.
Calm down, dude.
Fucking butch.
- [shower running]
- [contestants chattering]
[chuckles]
THE PICKUP LINE
You weren't disgusted
to get in that thing?
[chuckles]
You're not disgusted kissing me?
Don't I smell horrible?
I don't know, but whatever it is
turns me on, damn it.
Ah, enough. I gotta go.
Before they start looking for me.
Mm-mmm. No. Don't go.
I almost kicked León's ass.
That dude's jealous because
Jerónimo invited me to dinner and not him.
What? Wasn't your dad planning
a dinner for you tonight?
Well, yeah, but the mayor
doesn't invite you over every day.
My dad will have to understand.
Charly, hey,
can you give us your autograph?
- Of course. What's your name?
- My name is Ana.
- It's nice to meet you, Ana.
- [chuckles] You too, thanks.
Did you see that? They're crazy for me.
Who cares?
Charly, you didn't sign up
for the contest for this. Right?
I thought we were going to show everyone
how stupid these tests are.
Well, yeah, but you don't understand
how much it means to me
to become the next King of the Machos.
It's something powerful that
that I can't put into words.
Even if I could, you wouldn't understand
because you've never won
anything in your life.
No
No, Toña, wait.
Wait, I didn't mean it like that.