The Loop (2006) s01e05 Episode Script
Year of the Dog
[Man Singing, Vocalizing.]
Hear those sounds? You hear them? Cup your ears, everyone.
Cup 'em! Thesis, what do you hear? Uh, ch Just like a buzzing.
Could be the lights.
No! It's the death moan of a dying airline.
And it's getting louder.
Now, everyone, un-cup your ears bend over and kiss your ham holes good-bye because if we don't get our hands on some cash in a hurry we're gonna be down on the docks spanking sailors for Dinty Moore.
Enter the Chinese.
They have two billion dollars burning a hole in their pocket, and they want someplace to stick it.
And we're gonna let them stick it in us.
They're gonna be here in two days.
Meryl's giving the presentation.
- I want Sam to do the background analysis on this one.
- Really? Me? If I remember from your thesis, you're an Asia expert.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't say expert.
I studied abroad at the University of Beijing.
- Go Pandas.
- Russ, why aren't you giving the presentation? I have a beef with General Chen Ming.
Sounds delicious, right? It's not.
He's their secretary of transportation.
But years ago, we tangled over the merger of a regional carrier in Shandong province.
And by regional carrier, I mean whore.
And by whore, I mean my ex-wife, Barbara.
- Oh, my God.
- That's right.
Oh, my God.
I came back from negotiating to take a spa at the hotel I found my wife gobbling Chen's dumplings.
Well, hey, he was a grade-A chef.
Good with chicken, scallions, a little minced garlic.
Then he corked my wife.
You know, I'm hungry.
Has anybody ordered lunch yet? [Men Humming.]
- [Toy Squeaks.]
- What the hell? - Shh! I just got 'em down.
- Sully's starting a dog-sitting business.
Check it out, buddy.
I am making 30 bucks a day per dog.
- Do you know how much money I'm gonna make? - Thirty bucks a dog? Per day.
Yeah.
All I gotta do is work one day a week, and I make 30 bucks per dog, per day.
Yeah, but how much does all this cost? - Why's he gotta lash out? - [Scoffs.]
- Why you gotta lash out? - All right.
I got a lot of work to do.
See you in a week.
- I gotta give Tuffy his medicine.
Tuffy! - [Growling.]
All right, Tuffy.
Oh-ho-ho! Who's a big boy? - He's a big boy, isn't he? He's a big boy.
- [Barking.]
- [Shouting.]
Okay, stop! Tuffy, bad dog! - [Laughing.]
- Tuffy, don't! - [Growling, Barking.]
[Man Singing.]
[Continues.]
[Ends.]
Hi, Darcy.
Could you get me a cup of coffee? I was up all night working on the China thing.
I was up all night working on the China thing too.
Are you buying it, or should I do an accent? No, you're good.
Great job on the analysis, Sam.
This airline is in serious trouble, isn't it? Yeah, but we can save it.
This deal needs to happen now.
Ooh.
I love it when you talk tough.
Tell me you're gonna cut my face.
Where are we with China? Are you ready to make the pitch tomorrow? I was actually thinking about bringing Sam in on a two-hander.
- Making him my wingman on the presentation.
- Really? You think the boy is ready? He's good, but he's green.
- Trust me, Russ.
He's ready.
- All right.
If you're vouching for him, I'm all in.
And you better get some sleep.
You never know what General Chen has cooked up for tomorrow.
This is so huge.
Thank you so much, Meryl.
Hey, 20 years ago I had your job, and my head was hitting the glass ceiling.
I was under Lee Majors's coffee table.
That's when I realized I needed to do something with my life.
Russ took a chance on me.
I wanna take a chance on you.
- I won't let you down.
- You better not.
Because if you pull a boner, it's gonna be on me.
Hey, Sam, look at Beckman.
He looks like a college kid.
- Why's he wearing cargo shorts? - We were in Old Navy.
He picked them out.
He's always had excellent taste in cotton day wear.
- What? - I don't know.
I got a lot of work to do.
What's your book report about? - It's about my job.
- Why are you so tense? No, I'm just It's I've never been this nervous about work before.
- I don't wanna let Meryl down.
- You'll do great, Sam.
Just pretend it's a very important presentation you have to do well on or you'll let everyone down, especially Meryl.
That's exactly what it is, Lizzy.
- Yea! What do I win? - [Sully.]
Sorry about that.
! I plugged in the heat lamp for the doggies.
This little wing nut's got a cold.
Don't worry though.
I got it covered.
It's just a fuse box.
Wait.
Who's touching me? Oh, it's me.
God, I am so soft.
- What's going on? What's going on? - Nothing.
Everything's fine.
- Go back to putting on your Taiwanese hooker makeup.
- It's frozen! - This can't be happening! - Try unplugging it and plugging it back in.
- [Electricity Humming, Arcing.]
- It might be the heat lamp.
Yeah, it's the heat lamp.
Wait a minute.
- Yeah, it's the heat lamp.
- Don't do this! - Let me take a look.
- Come on! Oh, no, Sammy.
This is bad.
Your hard drive is sizzled.
- No! My presentation is in there! - Did you back it up? Yes! I did.
Awesome.
I sent it to my wireless flash drive.
Wait.
- It's in my pants.
- [Groans.]
My pants were on the couch.
Where are my pants? - Where are my pants? - Oh, these puppies? - Deep pockets are great for training.
- Check the left pocket.
Uh-oh.
I used the left one for my dog treats so I can keep my right hand free for Tasering.
- You fed my flash drive to one of the dogs? - No, don't be crazy.
- What's a flash drive? - It's a little brown thing about this big.
- About the size of a dog biscuit? - I guess.
- It's definitely in one of them.
- You fed my flash drive to one of the dogs? You [Woman Singing, Indistinct.]
Dance Party U.
S.
A.
! Cool! [Men Shouting.]
[Continues.]
Stop! This is simple.
We can fix this.
We take the dogs down to the airport and run 'em through the X-ray.
- Whoo.
! - [Shouting.]
[Ends.]
I'm sorry.
All right.
Let me do the talking.
- I think we should both do the talking.
- You've done enough.
- Thanks, Sammy.
That means a lot to me.
- I'm so sorry, really.
[Mutters.]
Hi.
I work for TransAlliance Airways.
I was sent here on official company business.
Mind if we give these crates a "runski" though the old mill? Sir, we are a federal agency independent of the airlines.
We're the first line of defense in Homeland Security.
We take our responsibility to this nation very seriously.
I'll give you eight bucks.
- I'm turning around.
- [Dogs Barking.]
- All right.
- [Men Humming.]
- Nothing.
Nothing.
- [Whining.]
Nothing.
Nothing.
- Nothing.
- [Whining.]
Nothing.
Nothing.
There's only one dog left.
- [Barking, Growling.]
- Tuffy.
It must be in Tuffy.
We gotta be sure.
Sully, load him in.
No, not Tuffy.
He doesn't allow anyone to load him anywhere.
- He's got a dangerous mind.
- Put him in the X-ray.
Come on.
- [Mutters.]
- [Growling Continues.]
- Hey, settle down! All right.
- [Barking.]
[Shouting, Groaning.]
Tuffy! Oh, my God! There it is! My flash drive's in Tuffy! - [Barking Continues.]
- [Shouting.]
Damn it! I had film in my pocket.
[Shouts.]
[Man Singing.]
Maybe this is the way it was supposed to work out.
- Maybe I am too young to be an executive.
- I got it! Oh, I got it! - Did you get the file? - No, I got your instant message working.
- Who's Ass Flaps 28? - Give me that.
- Did he go? Did he go? - No, we got a stuffed animal.
Damn it! What am I gonna do about my presentation? My flash drive with all my files is in that stupid dog.
Take him to work with you.
He's gotta go sometime.
I can't take him to work.
It's an office, a place of business.
I know.
Just call in sick.
It's the best excuse.
No one questions it.
Just tell 'em you got lady problems, and you gotta hit the gine doc.
- [Mouthing Words.]
- [Tuffy Barking.]
- "Gine" is short for "vagina.
" - [Barking Continues.]
[Barking.]
- Hi, Marg - [Screams.]
Hi, Jim.
- Hi, Delores.
- [Woman Shouting.]
Thesis, what the hell is that? Oh, this is an assisted therapy dog.
I'm training him so he can work with orphans and blind people.
I spend a lot of time and money on blind people.
Oh, I love it.
I'll tell you what.
You write a check for a thousand, and we'll match it dollar for dollar.
- I don't have my checkbook on me.
- That's okay.
We'll take it out of your next paycheck.
Easy peazyJapanezy.
- [Chuckles.]
- [Barking Continues.]
- Oh, look at this little guy.
- [Growling.]
He He reminds me of a certain Rita Hayworth.
[Chuckling.]
She played rough.
Man, did we get weird together.
- What's this cage all about? - Uh Russ, no, no.
D-D-Don't do that, sir! [Chuckling.]
All right.
It's all right.
There you go, Roscoe.
- [Barks.]
- [Bones Cracking.]
- [Laughing.]
- What? What are you doing? - He's got a nice grip.
- Doesn't that hurt, sir? No, ma'am.
I severed every nerve in this arm when I took a grenade in the jelly basket on the frozen Chosen.
[Barking Continues.]
You know what? I think I'm gonna keep this and give it to my son Keith and his partner.
They collect masks.
- [Growling, Barking.]
- [Phone Ringing.]
- Piper? - Sam, I fixed your laptop.
- It took me all day, but I did it.
You're good to go.
- Oh, my God.
- Thank you so much.
- We'll come to your office right now.
Okay.
Well, call me when you get here, and I'll come down.
- [Barking.]
- [Screaming.]
Darcy, I know this sounds insane, but this dog ate my wireless flash drive.
I need to go downstairs, so could you keep an eye on him in case he passes it? So you want me to snatch up his doody before he can bite my hand off? - [Phone Ringing.]
- Exactly.
Piper? - [Piper.]
We're here.
- Great.
I'll be right down.
- [Whistling.]
- [Beeping.]
Excuse me.
Step over here and empty your pockets, please.
- You go to hell! All right.
I know my rights.
- Oh, yeah? You flagged me because I'm different, is that it? No, it's because the metal detector went off.
Oh, that's my Taser.
Yeah, I got this dog-sitting business.
[Shouting.]
- Oh, Thesis, are you ready? - Yes.
It's Red dawn.
And I don't mean a wake-and-snake with Ann-Margret.
The Chinese are here.
We need our Asia expert.
- I'll be there.
- Just don't be too long because I don't wanna be alone with that bastard, Chen Ming.
Meet me in the conference room in two sweeps.
Two sweeps.
- You ready, Sam? - Yeah.
- You scared? - What? No, no.
You should be.
When Russ gave me my shot, I couldn't eat drink, sleep, snort, shoot, smoke or sit down.
You know what I did? My doorman.
- Then I prepared like hell.
- Me too.
I prepared like hell.
Good, 'cause we get no second chances on this one.
Remember, on the presentation, when I get to the part about foreign assets and tax levies I want you to pause for a second before you go to the next screen.
- Right.
- I speak quickly, so keep up with me.
- Got it.
- Good presentations are like good sex.
You have to keep up a steady rhythm or else I'll peak before you peak and you'll see my peak face before I see your peak face.
- Let's try to peak together.
- Peak together.
Right-o.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Step through the detector, please.
- Okay.
- [Beeping.]
- Lizzy.
- Lizzy, you borrowed my jacket again, didn't you? - What? I always carry a blade.
You think I'm safe on the streets looking like this? - I'm practically asking for it.
- All right.
That's it.
- All of you, come with me.
- No, we know someone here.
If you could just send this laptop up to room 707.
This is an airline, ma'am.
You can't send unattended items into the building.
- Well - Why? It's not like it's a bomb or anything.
Code Foxfire.
Foxfire! [Clamoring, Shouting.]
[Man Singing.]
How you doing? Did some of my friends show up looking for me? - No, Mr.
Sullivan.
But we just had a bomb scare.
- What? These three ladies showed up with knives, Tasers and a suspicious-looking laptop.
Laptop? Wait.
Was one of these ladies kind of masculine Iooks like a [Beeps.]
eagle? - Yeah.
- Yeah, that's my brother.
Those are my friends.
I need that laptop.
Ooh, God.
That's gonna be a problem.
Take a look outside.
[Man On P.
A.
.]
Ready to detonate on my go.
Three, two, one, go.
! - [Man Singing, Indistinct.]
- Crap attack! - [Barking.]
- [Ends.]
- Did he go? - No, but I came pretty close.
I am so sorry, Darcy.
While I was fending offTuffy, I discovered something.
- Watch this.
- Oh, my God! You got a signal! Apparently Tuffy's digestive juices haven't broken down the plastic membrane of the wireless drive.
- The signal is stronger toward the rear.
- [Beeping.]
Wait.
So I can retrieve my file? You're a genius! - Yes, I am.
- So all I have to do is hold the laptop up to the dog, and I can do my presentation? - That's right, Scoob.
- I got it.
Oh, wait.
I lost it.
Ah! Ooh, I got it.
I got it, I got it.
Thesis, let's go! The Chinese are getting cold.
- Yes, sir.
Very good! Right away! - [Tuffy Growling.]
Oh, I got it, I got it.
I lost it.
Wait.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
- Nihao.
Welcome.
- Bienvenue.
- Hello.
- Welcome.
- Bienvenue.
- Nihao.
[Chinese.]
Nihao.
- Chen.
- [Chinese.]
Mr.
Chen would like to talk about what happened.
And please accept this minced chicken in lettuce cups.
- Tell him to save it.
- [Chinese.]
[Chinese.]
Barbara.
He didn't want you to find out about Barbara and him like that.
- I said save it! - [Chinese.]
[Barking, Growling.]
- What are you doing? - It's the Year of the Dog in the Chinese zodiac.
- I thought it'd be good mojo for the meeting.
- Down! [Whining.]
- Sit! - How'd you know how to do that? Dogs are like men.
They love being dominated.
Now, let's do this.
And up! - Hello, everyone.
And nihao.
- Happy Year of the Dog, everyone.
Now, if I could direct your attention to the screen behind me I'd like to present an analysis ofTransAlliance Airways.
- Thesis, what's happening? - Nothing.
We're good.
We're good.
TransAlliance Airways has a diversified series of routes extending throughout the Continental United States, Europe and Asia.
In column A, you can see a cost-per-seat analysis for all domestic routes.
- No.
No.
No, no.
- Sam, what's happening? We're just having a technical difficulty.
Tuffy, give it to me.
- [Barking.]
- Give it.
Tuffy, come here.
Give it to me.
Give it to me, Tuffy.
- Sam, outside, now.
- Tuffy, come here! [Whining.]
- Meryl, what's the hubbub? - I'm on it, Russ.
Uh, if you'll excuse me, we're having what we in America like to call a little obstacle or you might call, a protesting student.
- [Barking.]
- [Shouts.]
[Barking Continues, Growling.]
- Sam, what the hell? - I didn't wanna tell you but my presentation is inside this dog.
My computer crashed, and my brother fed my flash drive to this Tuffy here.
I thought he might pass it, but he didn't, and it's wireless so I was getting a signal every time I put the laptop up to Tuffy, and l I trusted you.
I put my ass on the line, and you let me down.
I'm so sorry.
You have every right to fire me.
And I should.
You're embarrassing this company.
You're embarrassing me.
Believe me, that's the last thing I wanted to do.
It's inexcusable.
Should I go to my office? No.
I'm gonna fix this for you.
This is your one free pass.
Never again.
- Absolutely.
- Wait here.
- Okay.
- Come.
[Tuffy Howling.]
[Howling Continues.]
[High-Pitch Howl.]
[Whining.]
Lee Majors taught me a thing or two about lost objects.
Let's go.
And that would bring us 600 million dollars in operating revenue per quarter.
Any questions? [Chinese.]
Mr.
Chen says forgive him.
He will not make the deal.
- Then get out of my office! - [Translator Speaking Chinese.]
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's Th-That's not what he said.
He said he will not make the deal unless Russ forgives him.
Future conditional is very tricky in Mandarin.
- Thesis, you speak Chinese? - Just Mandarin.
I took an immersion program at the University of Beijing.
Go Pandas.
Uh [Chinese.]
[Chinese.]
Chen will make the deal only if you forgive him for what he did.
No, I won't forgive him.
I will never forgive him! [Chinese.]
No, no, no.
Wait.
Again, that's not what he said, Wang.
No, don't Um [Chinese.]
I asked Chen to speak from his heart.
Most arguments are resolved when people speak from their hearts.
I took a psychology class at the U.
Of B.
Go ahead, Chen.
- Barbara [Chinese.]
- Uh, Barbara left him.
[Chinese.]
- Forgive me.
- Uh, please forgive him.
She broke his heart in nine pieces.
That's what she does, Chen.
She leaves.
[Chinese.]
Bros before ho's? Always.
Come here, you.
[Laughing.]
[Sighs.]
You dodged a bullet, kid.
You pulled it out.
Actually, you did, but thank you.
You're really good, Sam.
I knew I was right to give you a shot.
I won't let you down again.
I promise.
Wow.
Tuffy's totally different since you poked around his rec room.
They all are, Sam.
- They all are.
- [Man Singing, Indistinct.]
Well, that is the end of that.
Who knew you needed a license to board dogs? The guys from the city seemed to know.
I don't know about you, Sammy, but I have had it with dogs.
That's why I'm starting with baby chimps.
Forty bucks per day.
- Do you know how much money I'm gonna make? - Forty bucks per day? Per chimp.
Sam, you know what? Can I see you in the K-l-T-C-H-E-N? - Okay.
- [Groans.]
- [Whistling.]
Uh-oh.
- [Zipper Zips.]
Hear those sounds? You hear them? Cup your ears, everyone.
Cup 'em! Thesis, what do you hear? Uh, ch Just like a buzzing.
Could be the lights.
No! It's the death moan of a dying airline.
And it's getting louder.
Now, everyone, un-cup your ears bend over and kiss your ham holes good-bye because if we don't get our hands on some cash in a hurry we're gonna be down on the docks spanking sailors for Dinty Moore.
Enter the Chinese.
They have two billion dollars burning a hole in their pocket, and they want someplace to stick it.
And we're gonna let them stick it in us.
They're gonna be here in two days.
Meryl's giving the presentation.
- I want Sam to do the background analysis on this one.
- Really? Me? If I remember from your thesis, you're an Asia expert.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't say expert.
I studied abroad at the University of Beijing.
- Go Pandas.
- Russ, why aren't you giving the presentation? I have a beef with General Chen Ming.
Sounds delicious, right? It's not.
He's their secretary of transportation.
But years ago, we tangled over the merger of a regional carrier in Shandong province.
And by regional carrier, I mean whore.
And by whore, I mean my ex-wife, Barbara.
- Oh, my God.
- That's right.
Oh, my God.
I came back from negotiating to take a spa at the hotel I found my wife gobbling Chen's dumplings.
Well, hey, he was a grade-A chef.
Good with chicken, scallions, a little minced garlic.
Then he corked my wife.
You know, I'm hungry.
Has anybody ordered lunch yet? [Men Humming.]
- [Toy Squeaks.]
- What the hell? - Shh! I just got 'em down.
- Sully's starting a dog-sitting business.
Check it out, buddy.
I am making 30 bucks a day per dog.
- Do you know how much money I'm gonna make? - Thirty bucks a dog? Per day.
Yeah.
All I gotta do is work one day a week, and I make 30 bucks per dog, per day.
Yeah, but how much does all this cost? - Why's he gotta lash out? - [Scoffs.]
- Why you gotta lash out? - All right.
I got a lot of work to do.
See you in a week.
- I gotta give Tuffy his medicine.
Tuffy! - [Growling.]
All right, Tuffy.
Oh-ho-ho! Who's a big boy? - He's a big boy, isn't he? He's a big boy.
- [Barking.]
- [Shouting.]
Okay, stop! Tuffy, bad dog! - [Laughing.]
- Tuffy, don't! - [Growling, Barking.]
[Man Singing.]
[Continues.]
[Ends.]
Hi, Darcy.
Could you get me a cup of coffee? I was up all night working on the China thing.
I was up all night working on the China thing too.
Are you buying it, or should I do an accent? No, you're good.
Great job on the analysis, Sam.
This airline is in serious trouble, isn't it? Yeah, but we can save it.
This deal needs to happen now.
Ooh.
I love it when you talk tough.
Tell me you're gonna cut my face.
Where are we with China? Are you ready to make the pitch tomorrow? I was actually thinking about bringing Sam in on a two-hander.
- Making him my wingman on the presentation.
- Really? You think the boy is ready? He's good, but he's green.
- Trust me, Russ.
He's ready.
- All right.
If you're vouching for him, I'm all in.
And you better get some sleep.
You never know what General Chen has cooked up for tomorrow.
This is so huge.
Thank you so much, Meryl.
Hey, 20 years ago I had your job, and my head was hitting the glass ceiling.
I was under Lee Majors's coffee table.
That's when I realized I needed to do something with my life.
Russ took a chance on me.
I wanna take a chance on you.
- I won't let you down.
- You better not.
Because if you pull a boner, it's gonna be on me.
Hey, Sam, look at Beckman.
He looks like a college kid.
- Why's he wearing cargo shorts? - We were in Old Navy.
He picked them out.
He's always had excellent taste in cotton day wear.
- What? - I don't know.
I got a lot of work to do.
What's your book report about? - It's about my job.
- Why are you so tense? No, I'm just It's I've never been this nervous about work before.
- I don't wanna let Meryl down.
- You'll do great, Sam.
Just pretend it's a very important presentation you have to do well on or you'll let everyone down, especially Meryl.
That's exactly what it is, Lizzy.
- Yea! What do I win? - [Sully.]
Sorry about that.
! I plugged in the heat lamp for the doggies.
This little wing nut's got a cold.
Don't worry though.
I got it covered.
It's just a fuse box.
Wait.
Who's touching me? Oh, it's me.
God, I am so soft.
- What's going on? What's going on? - Nothing.
Everything's fine.
- Go back to putting on your Taiwanese hooker makeup.
- It's frozen! - This can't be happening! - Try unplugging it and plugging it back in.
- [Electricity Humming, Arcing.]
- It might be the heat lamp.
Yeah, it's the heat lamp.
Wait a minute.
- Yeah, it's the heat lamp.
- Don't do this! - Let me take a look.
- Come on! Oh, no, Sammy.
This is bad.
Your hard drive is sizzled.
- No! My presentation is in there! - Did you back it up? Yes! I did.
Awesome.
I sent it to my wireless flash drive.
Wait.
- It's in my pants.
- [Groans.]
My pants were on the couch.
Where are my pants? - Where are my pants? - Oh, these puppies? - Deep pockets are great for training.
- Check the left pocket.
Uh-oh.
I used the left one for my dog treats so I can keep my right hand free for Tasering.
- You fed my flash drive to one of the dogs? - No, don't be crazy.
- What's a flash drive? - It's a little brown thing about this big.
- About the size of a dog biscuit? - I guess.
- It's definitely in one of them.
- You fed my flash drive to one of the dogs? You [Woman Singing, Indistinct.]
Dance Party U.
S.
A.
! Cool! [Men Shouting.]
[Continues.]
Stop! This is simple.
We can fix this.
We take the dogs down to the airport and run 'em through the X-ray.
- Whoo.
! - [Shouting.]
[Ends.]
I'm sorry.
All right.
Let me do the talking.
- I think we should both do the talking.
- You've done enough.
- Thanks, Sammy.
That means a lot to me.
- I'm so sorry, really.
[Mutters.]
Hi.
I work for TransAlliance Airways.
I was sent here on official company business.
Mind if we give these crates a "runski" though the old mill? Sir, we are a federal agency independent of the airlines.
We're the first line of defense in Homeland Security.
We take our responsibility to this nation very seriously.
I'll give you eight bucks.
- I'm turning around.
- [Dogs Barking.]
- All right.
- [Men Humming.]
- Nothing.
Nothing.
- [Whining.]
Nothing.
Nothing.
- Nothing.
- [Whining.]
Nothing.
Nothing.
There's only one dog left.
- [Barking, Growling.]
- Tuffy.
It must be in Tuffy.
We gotta be sure.
Sully, load him in.
No, not Tuffy.
He doesn't allow anyone to load him anywhere.
- He's got a dangerous mind.
- Put him in the X-ray.
Come on.
- [Mutters.]
- [Growling Continues.]
- Hey, settle down! All right.
- [Barking.]
[Shouting, Groaning.]
Tuffy! Oh, my God! There it is! My flash drive's in Tuffy! - [Barking Continues.]
- [Shouting.]
Damn it! I had film in my pocket.
[Shouts.]
[Man Singing.]
Maybe this is the way it was supposed to work out.
- Maybe I am too young to be an executive.
- I got it! Oh, I got it! - Did you get the file? - No, I got your instant message working.
- Who's Ass Flaps 28? - Give me that.
- Did he go? Did he go? - No, we got a stuffed animal.
Damn it! What am I gonna do about my presentation? My flash drive with all my files is in that stupid dog.
Take him to work with you.
He's gotta go sometime.
I can't take him to work.
It's an office, a place of business.
I know.
Just call in sick.
It's the best excuse.
No one questions it.
Just tell 'em you got lady problems, and you gotta hit the gine doc.
- [Mouthing Words.]
- [Tuffy Barking.]
- "Gine" is short for "vagina.
" - [Barking Continues.]
[Barking.]
- Hi, Marg - [Screams.]
Hi, Jim.
- Hi, Delores.
- [Woman Shouting.]
Thesis, what the hell is that? Oh, this is an assisted therapy dog.
I'm training him so he can work with orphans and blind people.
I spend a lot of time and money on blind people.
Oh, I love it.
I'll tell you what.
You write a check for a thousand, and we'll match it dollar for dollar.
- I don't have my checkbook on me.
- That's okay.
We'll take it out of your next paycheck.
Easy peazyJapanezy.
- [Chuckles.]
- [Barking Continues.]
- Oh, look at this little guy.
- [Growling.]
He He reminds me of a certain Rita Hayworth.
[Chuckling.]
She played rough.
Man, did we get weird together.
- What's this cage all about? - Uh Russ, no, no.
D-D-Don't do that, sir! [Chuckling.]
All right.
It's all right.
There you go, Roscoe.
- [Barks.]
- [Bones Cracking.]
- [Laughing.]
- What? What are you doing? - He's got a nice grip.
- Doesn't that hurt, sir? No, ma'am.
I severed every nerve in this arm when I took a grenade in the jelly basket on the frozen Chosen.
[Barking Continues.]
You know what? I think I'm gonna keep this and give it to my son Keith and his partner.
They collect masks.
- [Growling, Barking.]
- [Phone Ringing.]
- Piper? - Sam, I fixed your laptop.
- It took me all day, but I did it.
You're good to go.
- Oh, my God.
- Thank you so much.
- We'll come to your office right now.
Okay.
Well, call me when you get here, and I'll come down.
- [Barking.]
- [Screaming.]
Darcy, I know this sounds insane, but this dog ate my wireless flash drive.
I need to go downstairs, so could you keep an eye on him in case he passes it? So you want me to snatch up his doody before he can bite my hand off? - [Phone Ringing.]
- Exactly.
Piper? - [Piper.]
We're here.
- Great.
I'll be right down.
- [Whistling.]
- [Beeping.]
Excuse me.
Step over here and empty your pockets, please.
- You go to hell! All right.
I know my rights.
- Oh, yeah? You flagged me because I'm different, is that it? No, it's because the metal detector went off.
Oh, that's my Taser.
Yeah, I got this dog-sitting business.
[Shouting.]
- Oh, Thesis, are you ready? - Yes.
It's Red dawn.
And I don't mean a wake-and-snake with Ann-Margret.
The Chinese are here.
We need our Asia expert.
- I'll be there.
- Just don't be too long because I don't wanna be alone with that bastard, Chen Ming.
Meet me in the conference room in two sweeps.
Two sweeps.
- You ready, Sam? - Yeah.
- You scared? - What? No, no.
You should be.
When Russ gave me my shot, I couldn't eat drink, sleep, snort, shoot, smoke or sit down.
You know what I did? My doorman.
- Then I prepared like hell.
- Me too.
I prepared like hell.
Good, 'cause we get no second chances on this one.
Remember, on the presentation, when I get to the part about foreign assets and tax levies I want you to pause for a second before you go to the next screen.
- Right.
- I speak quickly, so keep up with me.
- Got it.
- Good presentations are like good sex.
You have to keep up a steady rhythm or else I'll peak before you peak and you'll see my peak face before I see your peak face.
- Let's try to peak together.
- Peak together.
Right-o.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Step through the detector, please.
- Okay.
- [Beeping.]
- Lizzy.
- Lizzy, you borrowed my jacket again, didn't you? - What? I always carry a blade.
You think I'm safe on the streets looking like this? - I'm practically asking for it.
- All right.
That's it.
- All of you, come with me.
- No, we know someone here.
If you could just send this laptop up to room 707.
This is an airline, ma'am.
You can't send unattended items into the building.
- Well - Why? It's not like it's a bomb or anything.
Code Foxfire.
Foxfire! [Clamoring, Shouting.]
[Man Singing.]
How you doing? Did some of my friends show up looking for me? - No, Mr.
Sullivan.
But we just had a bomb scare.
- What? These three ladies showed up with knives, Tasers and a suspicious-looking laptop.
Laptop? Wait.
Was one of these ladies kind of masculine Iooks like a [Beeps.]
eagle? - Yeah.
- Yeah, that's my brother.
Those are my friends.
I need that laptop.
Ooh, God.
That's gonna be a problem.
Take a look outside.
[Man On P.
A.
.]
Ready to detonate on my go.
Three, two, one, go.
! - [Man Singing, Indistinct.]
- Crap attack! - [Barking.]
- [Ends.]
- Did he go? - No, but I came pretty close.
I am so sorry, Darcy.
While I was fending offTuffy, I discovered something.
- Watch this.
- Oh, my God! You got a signal! Apparently Tuffy's digestive juices haven't broken down the plastic membrane of the wireless drive.
- The signal is stronger toward the rear.
- [Beeping.]
Wait.
So I can retrieve my file? You're a genius! - Yes, I am.
- So all I have to do is hold the laptop up to the dog, and I can do my presentation? - That's right, Scoob.
- I got it.
Oh, wait.
I lost it.
Ah! Ooh, I got it.
I got it, I got it.
Thesis, let's go! The Chinese are getting cold.
- Yes, sir.
Very good! Right away! - [Tuffy Growling.]
Oh, I got it, I got it.
I lost it.
Wait.
I got it, I got it, I got it.
- Nihao.
Welcome.
- Bienvenue.
- Hello.
- Welcome.
- Bienvenue.
- Nihao.
[Chinese.]
Nihao.
- Chen.
- [Chinese.]
Mr.
Chen would like to talk about what happened.
And please accept this minced chicken in lettuce cups.
- Tell him to save it.
- [Chinese.]
[Chinese.]
Barbara.
He didn't want you to find out about Barbara and him like that.
- I said save it! - [Chinese.]
[Barking, Growling.]
- What are you doing? - It's the Year of the Dog in the Chinese zodiac.
- I thought it'd be good mojo for the meeting.
- Down! [Whining.]
- Sit! - How'd you know how to do that? Dogs are like men.
They love being dominated.
Now, let's do this.
And up! - Hello, everyone.
And nihao.
- Happy Year of the Dog, everyone.
Now, if I could direct your attention to the screen behind me I'd like to present an analysis ofTransAlliance Airways.
- Thesis, what's happening? - Nothing.
We're good.
We're good.
TransAlliance Airways has a diversified series of routes extending throughout the Continental United States, Europe and Asia.
In column A, you can see a cost-per-seat analysis for all domestic routes.
- No.
No.
No, no.
- Sam, what's happening? We're just having a technical difficulty.
Tuffy, give it to me.
- [Barking.]
- Give it.
Tuffy, come here.
Give it to me.
Give it to me, Tuffy.
- Sam, outside, now.
- Tuffy, come here! [Whining.]
- Meryl, what's the hubbub? - I'm on it, Russ.
Uh, if you'll excuse me, we're having what we in America like to call a little obstacle or you might call, a protesting student.
- [Barking.]
- [Shouts.]
[Barking Continues, Growling.]
- Sam, what the hell? - I didn't wanna tell you but my presentation is inside this dog.
My computer crashed, and my brother fed my flash drive to this Tuffy here.
I thought he might pass it, but he didn't, and it's wireless so I was getting a signal every time I put the laptop up to Tuffy, and l I trusted you.
I put my ass on the line, and you let me down.
I'm so sorry.
You have every right to fire me.
And I should.
You're embarrassing this company.
You're embarrassing me.
Believe me, that's the last thing I wanted to do.
It's inexcusable.
Should I go to my office? No.
I'm gonna fix this for you.
This is your one free pass.
Never again.
- Absolutely.
- Wait here.
- Okay.
- Come.
[Tuffy Howling.]
[Howling Continues.]
[High-Pitch Howl.]
[Whining.]
Lee Majors taught me a thing or two about lost objects.
Let's go.
And that would bring us 600 million dollars in operating revenue per quarter.
Any questions? [Chinese.]
Mr.
Chen says forgive him.
He will not make the deal.
- Then get out of my office! - [Translator Speaking Chinese.]
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
That's Th-That's not what he said.
He said he will not make the deal unless Russ forgives him.
Future conditional is very tricky in Mandarin.
- Thesis, you speak Chinese? - Just Mandarin.
I took an immersion program at the University of Beijing.
Go Pandas.
Uh [Chinese.]
[Chinese.]
Chen will make the deal only if you forgive him for what he did.
No, I won't forgive him.
I will never forgive him! [Chinese.]
No, no, no.
Wait.
Again, that's not what he said, Wang.
No, don't Um [Chinese.]
I asked Chen to speak from his heart.
Most arguments are resolved when people speak from their hearts.
I took a psychology class at the U.
Of B.
Go ahead, Chen.
- Barbara [Chinese.]
- Uh, Barbara left him.
[Chinese.]
- Forgive me.
- Uh, please forgive him.
She broke his heart in nine pieces.
That's what she does, Chen.
She leaves.
[Chinese.]
Bros before ho's? Always.
Come here, you.
[Laughing.]
[Sighs.]
You dodged a bullet, kid.
You pulled it out.
Actually, you did, but thank you.
You're really good, Sam.
I knew I was right to give you a shot.
I won't let you down again.
I promise.
Wow.
Tuffy's totally different since you poked around his rec room.
They all are, Sam.
- They all are.
- [Man Singing, Indistinct.]
Well, that is the end of that.
Who knew you needed a license to board dogs? The guys from the city seemed to know.
I don't know about you, Sammy, but I have had it with dogs.
That's why I'm starting with baby chimps.
Forty bucks per day.
- Do you know how much money I'm gonna make? - Forty bucks per day? Per chimp.
Sam, you know what? Can I see you in the K-l-T-C-H-E-N? - Okay.
- [Groans.]
- [Whistling.]
Uh-oh.
- [Zipper Zips.]