The Lovers (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
D: REAM: Things
Can Only Get Better ♪
Hi, it's Janet. I'm
probably available right now,
but couldn't be
holed talking to you.
Janet, it's Gemma.
I haven't slept a wink.
Have you left for London yet?
Promise to send me
lots of pictures of you
and your boyfriend!
And you have to
tell me who it is.
Hey, it's me.
Listen, don't come to the
flat. Frankie has dropped off
her keys yet. Don't want
you bumping into each other.
I'll meet you at the
airport. Much more romantic.
Can't wait to see you!
OK. One more
guess. Is it Paul McCartney? No.
He's too old. Is it Mel
Gibson? No, he's not English.
Is it the-
'Hello. This is your
captain speaking.
'We're will shortly be starting
our descent into London,
'where the weather
is overcast.
'Showers expected
this afternoon.'
Woohoo! London.
Oooh! Go on you boyee!
Trays up, please.
I've got my personal
hell to deal with
And then you say
"Walk my path
Wear my shoes
Talk like that,
I'll be an angel"
Things
Can only get better
Now I've found you
(Things can only get)
Sonf fades ♪
Hey you. You all right, mate?
Have you been
drinking? Hmm? No.
You taste of chardonnay. Oh,
well, if you mean Chardonnay.
It#s 8
o'clock in the morning!
It's my first time in London.
Let me enjoy myself. / Oh
It's good to see you.
You too.
Mmm
Mmm OK. Right, OK.
So where are we gonna go first?
These are all the
places I want to see.
You made a list? Yep.
Buckingham Palace.
No.
/ Tower of London. Tower Bridge. Covent Garden.
The Jack the Ripper toru.
/ No. Oh, Primark on Oxford Street.
You're only here for one day!
/ Yes. And I want to make the most of it.
Look, I worked out a schedule.
Is there room in
the schedule for
Well, avisit to "Big Ben."
Oh! I forgot about Big Ben.
No, no, no. / I mean
A little You know.
Did you just call your penis Big Ben?
/ Yeah.
Uh
I've never given it a
nickname before. Quite fun.
I see why other
people do it now.
Have to ask, have to ask, what
is going on with this hat?
What? I always wear a hat. You
never wore a hat in Belfast.
OK, look, I just
I don't want to be
recognised. I just
I don't want any
Fannigans ruining the day.
Any what?
/ My fan base, The Fannigans.
Seamus O'Hannigan's fans - the Fannigans.
/ Hmm.
Hmm.
So hey - how#d it
go with Frankie?
Oh, yeah.
It was
It was pretty
rough. Can imagine.
I hate break-ups.
Me too. / Did she cry?
You know what? Do you mind if we
don't talk about it? Sorry, it's
Still pretty raw. Yeah, OK.
Where you off to?
Mary Lee Bowen Road, please.
Um, Marylebone Road. Thanks.
Are we going
there? Oh, my God.
Was that you?
/ Yeah. They're really getting behind the show.
Seriously, where are we going?
Oh, can you just dump
me in here? Thanks.
Fuck off.
You know, I've actually met lots
of these people in real life.
You've met Keanu Reeves?
Uh That's Tom Hardy.
Oh.
You've met Tom Hardy?
No. But I've met Eddie Redmayne.
Yeah,
right you have.
John Boyega.
Helen Mirren.
Helen. Are you being serious? / Yeah!
Got her phone number somewhere.
This is basically like a
dinner party around my place
on Tuesday night. Right.
Yeah, but have you met The Rock?
He's a ride.
Can't stand the Rock.
Oh, love 'him.
Seriously? That's a REAL man.
Oof! I reckon I
could take him.
Put them up, big guy!
Stop.
Excuse me, sir. Could you
not do that, please? Sorry.
I was just trying to prove
a point to my friend
here. She's gone.
She was here.
/ Mm-hmm. I'm just gonna sit.
Ah! Now, now this is
where they'd put you.
Is this it? No Thatcher?
No Blair?
Yeah, nobody cares
about politics.
How can you say that?
Politics is life!
Life is about change. And
politics is the engine
that drives human progress.
That's actually quite clever
/ I should Tweet that.
Fannigans will bloody love it.
Politics isn't life.
Your phone isn't life.
This is life.
Oh. Sorry. We don't
We're just leaving.
OK, thank you. / Yeah.
Sorry.
There you are.
/ Thank you. - Thanks.
Can I get a coffee on here?
You ever been on a bis before?
Not for years.
They don't sell coffee
on buses, you balloon.
So, I've had a very
exciting job offer.
Oh, yeah? What is it?
It's a documentary series.
Big American broadcaster.
And I'll be presenting.
Oh my God, that is exciting!
America! Woo hoo!
Oh, thank you.
So does that mean you
have to move to America?
Well, it's actually
filming in Belfast.
What, like. Belfast,
Belfast? My Belfast?
Yeah. It's about the troubles.
Right?
/ It's aiming to be the definitive history of the conflict.
A deep dive, as it were.
And I was thinking
that you could help.
Right. Come on, mate,
we're ready to go!
So we're planning on
interviewing all the major
players. John Major, Tony Blair,
maybe even Bill Clinton.
You want to interview anyone
actually from Northern Ireland?
Oh yeah. We'll
talk to all sides.
Maybe you can introduce me
to some loyalist terrorists.
Not everyone from Northern Ireland is a
terrorist, you know. No. Sorry. Course not.
Right.
Seamus! I love you!
God!
So she one of the Fannigans?
Well
truthfully, the Fannigans were
about 25 people on Reddit.
The numbers have been
going up every day.
Getting recognised more and
more since the show'as been on.
It feels a bit weird.
So you might actually
be famous then.
Well maybe London Famous.
Ugh, it#s going down
my neck!
Oh, here we are.
Hey. So I was thinking
for research, we could talk
about your direct experience
in the troubles.
Most people weren't
really affected by it.
Of course they were. I
mean, they must been.
I was affected by it, and I
didn't even grow up there.
Er How were you
affected by that?
Well
OK, so, um Tt's
All right. I was I was in
the post office with my muom.
It must have been about six.
But it came on the news
that this British soldier
had been killed in Belfast.
So the guy behind the counter,
when he when he hears
my mom's accent, he
he refuses to serve her.
And he said
"Fuck off, you Irish bitch."
What's your mum do?
She just left.
With hur head down.
She didn't speak for
the rest of the day.
But I'm sure it was harder
if you were actually
Ha! Hello there.
/ Two, please. - Oh, I'll these.
No, no, no, it's all right.
/ - I've got it. Right. / Yeah.
Yup. PerFect. Thanks very much.
Frankie?
What's she ringing
for? Oh, yeah, she
She probably just wants to
collect some of her stuff.
You gonna ring her back?
Nah.
Welcome everyne! To hear
a tale of Saucy Jack.
And the terror he
visited upon Ye olde London town.
Follow me, if you dare.
You OK?
What's wrong?
Didn't do it.
I didn't break up with Frankie.
Annie Chapman
was the next victim.
Her bloodthirsty killer
pulled out her intestines,
placed them on her
shoulder. / Ugh.
Done it in my head.
In my head I'm with you, in my
head I've broken up with her.
Oh good. We'll just keep
going out in your head.
If we get serious, we could rent an
apartment in that stupid fucking hat.
Oh, my God.
That's why you're wearing it. Because
you can't be seen in public with me.
Look, I am going to leave
her. So why haven't you?
Because I'm scared. Because I
don't want to be the bad guy.
You know, I don't I don't
want to hurt her feelings.
No problem hurting mine,
though, do you?
Are you going to answer
that fucking phone?
Please, Janet. Fuck
off and leave me alone!
Sorry. Apolgise for the
colourful language. Look,
I just can't do these kinds
of public displays of emotion.
Frankie would never behave like
this. You fucking scare me.
I never - I never know
what you're gonna do next.
Hey, miss. The
fuck are you looking at?
Jesus. Look, I'm sorry. I tried to break
up, but I just couldn't. I'm a coward.
You're not gonna do it. If you were
going to, you'd have done it by now.
She can give you things
I can't. Like what?
Like She can tell you how
to interview politicians.
My producers do that.
She looks really good in your on
the red carpet or film premieres.
You look amazing
on a red carpet.
I don't want to go
on a red carpet.
I don't want my picture in the papers.
/ That's my life.
That, that That's what
I want to share with you!
Well, I don't want
that kind of life.
Well, how could we
go anywhere? Exactly?
Look, can't.
I was really excited about
today, and this is shit.
London's shit! Everything's
turned into shit.
It's not shit. Look,
I fucking loved today.
I fucking loved Madame Tussauds.
We're not meant to be together.
I'm not meant to be with you.
You know that's not true.
You didn't break up with
Frankie for a reason.
That's a sign.
/ It's not a sign of anything. You're just scared.
And I'm scared too.
But, you know
But we can do this. I'm
gonna break up with her now.
And then we'll be together
and And that's it.
From now on, we will only
be honest with each other.
No more secrets. OK?
We could never be
honest with each other.
Seamus! Is that you?
Did you get my voicemail?
I have had amazing news.
Hi. Are you hungry?
Have you had lunch?
Hi.
I've been seeing someone else.
And I'm leaving you for her.
I'm sorry. It just sort
happened. I'm not
Never done this before.
Frankie?
So who is it?
Is that important?
It's not Vivian, is it?
No, it's not Viv, no.
So who is it?
It's Janet. Janet.
Oh, my God. That's your
cousin. No, no, no, no, no.
Definitely not my cousin. We made that
up, a lie so you wouldn't suspect.
Oh. I can't fucking
believe this.
I can't fucking
believe this, Janet.?
Did you fuck her that night? The cottage?
No. We hadn't done anything by then.
So when did you do something?
A few days ago.
I mean, we'd had a kiss.
We talked about it. But
in terms of the actual
I don't need the details, do I?
She feels terrible about this.
We both do-Oh, fuck her!
Are we gonnan try
to get past this?
Because I don't know if I can.
Well, no
No?
/ No, see, there's nothing to get past.
I
I'm leaving you,
and I'm going to be with Janet.
And I love her.
Do you love her?
Yes. Why? I'm sorry.
I'm just It doesn't make sense
to me, The two of you together.
I don't know what you see in
her. What do you love about her?
I mean, she's funny.
She makes me laugh. / You don't laugh.
You're not a laugher.
I am When I'm with her.
We argue all the time.
What do you argue about?
Everything.
I think she's a
fucking nightmare.
You know, when I'm with
her, though, I feel like
Like how
I'm meant to feel
Like I'm a kid.
Like, like my whole world.
I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, shit.
Frankie?
Frankie?
I just want to say
I really did think we'd
be together for the rest
of our lives.
James McAvoy looked at me at
the Evening Standard Awards.
I could've fuckedt James McAvoy.
Yeah.
/ The amount of A-list actors I could have been with
these six years and I've wasted all
this time with a fucking Newsreader.
I'm not a newsreader.
/ Richard Madden looked at me too, I think.
I could've had a Scottish threesome
with James McAvoy and Richard Madden.
Just because they looked
at you? Skepta. Benedict.
Tom. Which Tom?
All the fucking Toms!
I know. I know. Would
you leave me alone?
Fucking hell!
You're so vain.
You're so shallow.
Even with all your fake
fucking feminism, Seamus,
you still can't bear to be with a
woman who earns more money than you.
Well, we earn roughly the
same kind of money, so.
Well, not anymore.
What do you mean?
I got the Guillermi
del Toro.
You got the lead in the movie?
That's why I was calling you!
I couldn't wait to tell
you. I just found out.
No, don't touch
me. I'm I'm.
I'm genuinely so happy,
Frankie. Congratulations.
You knew - That's why
you're getting out.
I'm gonna be more famous than you.
I couldn't give a fuck about it,
but I know it means
everything to you.
Which is why you're leaving me
for a fucking shop assistant.
Don't call her that. Oh. Why
are you doing this to me?
Look, I'm just
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Frankie.
So
Well, how do you
want to announce it?
I'll tweet, you Insta.
"Amicable Break-Up.
Respect our privacy."
The usual. Thank you.
DJANGO DJANGO: Default ♪
Taxi!
Wait!
Can you just, uh head
for the centre of town?
I'm not picking up.
'Hi, it's Janet. I'm
probably available right now,
'but I couldn't be holed
talking to.'
'Hi, it's Janet'
'I'm probably available
right now.' Fuck!
'..Holed talking
to you." Janet.
I did it.
Um, I fucking did it.
Listen, you're wrong about us.
I know this can work.
I'm coming to find you.
And now you wann boot it up
You gave it all you got ♪
Fuck.
Seamus O'Hannigan!
That's me.
Get out the fucking car.
What's going on?
What's going on?
I listened to your radio show
every day for three years
and on every fuckin' issue
You were in the wrong. Trump,
Brexit, Scottish independence.
Why did you listen to my
radio show for three years
If you thought that I
don't have time for this.
Just tell me what I owe ypu. I
don't want your fuckin' money.
Fine, then.
Fuck. Can't get out the car.
Of course you cannae.
It's 'cause you're a useless,
metrosexual arsehole.
Fuck off. Bloody
gammon dickhead.
Andrew Neil would flatten
you, you forking wanker!
Hey!
Hey.
Janet! I did it!
Janet!
Hey! Hey!
You're going the wrong way!
This is crazy. I just
I just got into a massive fight
with a taxi driver, and he
And he threw me out
his cab right by you.
If you're looking for a sign,
there's your fucking sign!
I
I finished it with Frankie.
I did it.
You don't believe me?
Cause I really
did it, I promise.
I have to tell you something,
Uh-huh.
So whatever I told
you, I wasn't really
affected by the Troubles
Yeah.
/ Not completely true.
OK. I don't know
how to say this.
When I was 19, I joined
a loyalist splinter group
called the LDV.
A terrorist Group? I didn't
kill anyone or anything.
But I was arrested,
and I spent, like,
three years in
Maghaberry prison.
Look, it was just something
stupid I did when I was a kid.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
before you broke up with Frankie.
You OK?
Look, I know it's a lot to
take in. Maybe we could, like,
we could talk about
it somewhere else.
If you want to go
for a drink, or
Seamus, fucking say something, please.
/ Fucking hell!
I just ended a six year relationship for you.
/ I know.
I know. I'm sorry.
/ I just left one of the world's most beautiful actresses
for a loyalist
fucking terrorist!
Keep
your voice down!
I'm not a terrorist!
Any more. It was a
lifetime ago. I was a kid.
Why didn't you tell
me? Because I'm
Because I was scared.
This is why I can't
be in the public eye.
This is fucked.
This is all fFucked.
I can't
Sorry, what, you
So
Is this it? It's
TYE TRBBETT: Anyhow ♪
And I'm so grateful you love me
I know that when
You look at me ♪
Hey, Seamus.
Can I get a selfie?
Oh, yeah.
Hey!
Have a good daye.
I trust You, Father
I believe
Woo!
Your promises
Are yes and amen
And I believe
You will do what you say
My trust in you
Will not waiver
My victory is guaranteed
Cause you remain the same
No matter what comes my way
Hallelujah anyhow (Oh)
Until my night
turns to day ♪
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