The Mayor (2017) s01e05 Episode Script
The Strike
1 Look at him! Don't be shy, man.
Enjoy it.
- May I just say - Mm-hmm? I am proud to play even a small role in your grand vision.
Mm.
Right? Guys, it's one trash can.
Uh, slash-recycling bin.
Check your facts.
No, it's nothing, guys just a little place you can throw your apple cores and soda cans.
You're saying it like it's actually much more.
It's not.
Val, to you, that's just a metal cylinder.
But to Oscar the Grouch, it's home.
No, to me, getting that trash can there shows what government can do when you're not a puppet to greedy corporations and zillionaire donors just to get re-elected.
How many donors came knocking on your door, exactly? I'll take this one.
- None.
- Precisely.
Because every day, I come to work with one special interest in mind the people.
He's not beholden to nobody not UNICEF, not Meals on Wheels.
- Drain the swamp.
- Okay, that's a little off-message.
Point is, when you think about the people, you can get more things done - like the trash can.
- The people's trash can.
You'll be hard-pressed to find me one person that doesn't have something to throw away.
They got a problem.
They got a solution.
Uh, boss? You know I'm not afraid to speak truth to power, right? Um, dog just peed on your trash can.
[DOG BARKS.]
- Oh, no.
I'ma handle this.
- Yeah.
We got to stop these leaks! See someone, drive someone Okay, so, labor negotiations are all about give-and-take.
We obviously can't give the transit union everything that they want, but we have to make them feel like - they're getting a fair deal.
- I get it collective bargaining, first established by the Railway Labor Act of 1926.
- Google? - Oh, no no.
I got it from one of my old-timey railway buddies.
- Of course Google! - Great.
Now, don't worry.
I read all your memos.
Good.
Then you know that this is gonna be war.
War? See, that's the problem with politics today.
Why does it have to be war? We're all on the same side.
I told you, my job is to serve the people.
And the bus drivers they are the people.
Hey, everybody! Mayor Rose.
Please help yourself to some doughnuts.
- I like to think of them as - Hi.
little wheels on buses.
And apparently, we can't afford doughnuts.
- Uh, hello.
- Ah.
I'm Amber Powell, in-house counsel for Local 428.
Counsel in the house! Yes.
They told me you were, uh Charming? Charismatic? A better-looking Idris Elba? Loud.
Uh, y-you'll notice that I removed that divisive rectangular table in favor of this circular one.
No sides just people.
The other table's being stored in my office.
Can't get in.
It's a huge problem.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Anyway, the union needs a complete overhaul of pension and health, stricter safety protocols, and a long overdue 6% wage increase as outlined in this report.
Ooh! Is that a Series Eight Berman D-Ring? - Nice! - [SIGHS.]
6% sounds reasonable.
We can make that happen, right, Val? We would have to raise bus fares.
Ooh.
That would hurt a lot of people.
We should, uh, probably put a pin in that.
What else do you need? Shorter shifts.
We could probably cut down on route times by adding more bus lanes.
That'll help all the people.
That would just probably add more congestion for commuters.
Except for those people.
We should probably put a pin in that, too.
Guys, if you could have one wish, what would it be? - Pension.
- Healthcare.
Oh.
Uh, different wishes, same people.
Please don't read into this, but is there anyone else we can talk to? Courtney, you served none of the people in there.
It would appear that the people's interests are numerous and varied.
- Oh, and this is news to you? - No.
It's just, if we're gonna do this deal right, it's got to require a more nuanced approach than The trash can? The trash can.
Look, anyone can make the union happy by screwing over someone else.
I'm trying to find a solution that works for everybody.
- Like the trash can! - Okay.
So, what is your magical plan, then? You're gonna go around and ask every single person in Fort Grey what works for them? That is not a bad idea.
Yes, it is.
Courtney! Don't run away with purpose! [THUD.]
Is somebody gonna help me with this table?! - [W.
HOUSTON'S "DIDN'T WE ALMOST HAVE IT ALL".]
- DINA: Whoo! I can't wait until tomorrow.
Krystal, this year, I'll have a migraine.
You call in with the flu.
And nice touch coughing all day at work.
- I take our annual sick day very seriously.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come Friday, they'll be like, "She got the bird flu, the swine flu all the animal flus!" [LAUGHTER.]
I'm so glad I don't have to call in sick.
Those are the perks of owning your own business.
An unlicensed daycare you run out of your apartment downstairs? "Own your own business," like you Papa John.
Ooh! Oh, my God, I love Whitney Day.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's my most favorite tradition.
Oh, you remember in 2014, when those college boys tried to holla at your girl? They were asking for directions.
And I told them where to go.
That is dirty! Wait, that is dirty, right? Uh, depends if they get lost.
Okay, now I really don't know what we talking about.
There's a whole podcast in here.
Now, you know you can come over here, right? I got a seat right here.
That is my child.
He may be your child, but he most certainly is a man.
- You are nasty, girl.
- [GROWLS, TRILLS.]
God, do you remember, you were just yea high - on our first Whitney Day 18 years ago? - Here we go.
Here we go.
How the three of us went to see Whitney - at the Civic Auditorium.
- The Civic Auditorium.
You stayed out late and called in to work sick - so you could keep the party going.
- Mm-hmm.
And Whitney Day was born.
BOTH: Yes! Please do not do anything illegal this year.
Yes, I am the mayor, but I cannot pardon people.
I checked.
Okay, good night.
Got a lot of work to do.
Got to hash out some bus union contracts.
Show the union some love.
They fight the good fight for us.
I'll fight for them and everyone else.
- My baby.
- Hey! Ma! I like the shape of this table.
It's not completely round, no discernible sides.
- Good choice.
- Thanks, baby.
KRYSTAL: Bye.
Dumpster find.
[LAUGHTER.]
Didn't we almost have it all? Thank you for participating in this confidential focus group.
While you pass me your NDAs, my associate will, uh, catch you up to speed.
Thank you, associate.
We are associates.
So, we're gonna ask you some questions.
There are no wrong answers.
We just want to get a window into your souls.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
- So, anyway our anonymous client is in a bit of a pickle.
Mm.
I need a better picture.
Are we talking Bieber pickle or O.
J.
pickle? Exactly in between.
So, anyway, our anonymous client You mean the mayor.
We can't say for certain.
We're in City Hall.
I've seen you on TV with him.
You're his best friends.
[CHUCKLES.]
You're excused.
Whatever.
An anonymous source just told me, "Make 'em all stay.
" - Go on, sit down.
- Yeah.
This focus group represents a good cross section of the city young, old, poor less poor.
We figure out what they're willing to sacrifice, and we can free up some money for a fair union contract.
Well, got to say, this isn't the worst idea in the world.
You could've just said it was a good idea way less words.
You know, that isn't a horrible suggestion.
[LAUGHS.]
You have a problem.
Look, guys, it's simple.
Our client needs your help to figure out how to make the transit union happy without raising bus fares, Your client could literally only be the mayor.
Okay.
We're gonna run some questions by you.
Be brutal.
Simon Cowell brutal or O.
J.
brutal? Come on, man! You're here to answer some questions for a free sandwich, with your choice of chips or fruit cup.
Now, would you prefer to lose playgrounds or Meals on Wheels? Playgrounds.
What's a slide, anyway? You want the fun of gravity, try falling down a flight of stairs.
Playgrounds babysit my kids.
Not that I leave them there unattended.
I don't care about either.
Just don't touch my libraries.
Got to check my e-mails, FaceTime Nana.
- I feel like this is good for you.
- Mm-hmm.
You need to be around as many people as possible.
See? This is democracy marketplace of ideas, government by the people, for the people.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
The people are throwing fruit.
Oh! Alright, break it up! This is not what our client wants! It's the mayor! Just say it, damn it! They're working through stuff.
They're finding common ground.
Yeah, this did not pan out.
[SPLAT.]
There's a piece of ham covering the camera.
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
JERMAINE: Hey, hey! Help us! COURTNEY: Now, if there's one thing I'm not doing, it's stalling.
After much consideration deliberation - contemplation - We get it.
You thought about it a lot, and you own a thesaurus.
Look, these things are hard harder than everyone realized.
- Everyone? - I fully intend to give you the deal that will make you happy.
It's just gonna take a little longer no more than a few weeks.
Our contract expires at midnight.
[SIGHS.]
ALL: [CHANTING.]
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract.
And so with no decision from Mayor Rose, the union is left with no choice but to strike.
Gabby Montoya, live at City Hall.
NEWS ANCHOR: Thank you, Gabby.
As you can see They came in on a bus.
Who drove? Boy Hey! The wheels on the bus go "Stop, stop, stop" as the citywide bus strike stretches into its third day.
I can't even get to work.
I'm dipping into my sick days.
Those are my time.
I haven't been able to visit my friend Ethel in days! Well, she's only 97.
I'm sure there's time.
The growing crowd of transit workers at City Hall say they're no closer to a deal than when the strike began.
You'd think the mayor would care more about this, but we've been out here all morning and he's yet to come to work.
Is he hiding? But I'm at work! [SIGHS.]
Yeah, Auxiliary City Hall, away from the angry masses.
Cowardly, sure, but peaceful.
Guys, this is not what I wanted.
I want to serve the people, not plunge the city into a crisis.
Well, maybe it's not that bad.
You know, some people don't even take the bus, like rich people and cabbies and marathon runners, people who wear hats that are too big for the bus door Everybody rides the damn bus.
VALENTINA: Guys, I'm on with Grey River High.
Only two teachers showed up for work.
They are dangerously outnumbered.
There's no saving them.
I'll send a nice bouquet to their next of kin.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
Worst Whitney Day ever.
I need to soothe my rattles.
The psychic couldn't even get to work because of the shutdown.
Interestingly, she did not see that coming.
KRYSTAL: And then Uber was surging like crazy.
We had to walk everywhere.
- My feet look like burger meat.
- Mm-hmm.
The good manicurist had to pick up her kids from school, so we got stuck with Trish.
My roses look like burger meat! Just put on a movie in the gym, a-a-and I'll get you an airlift out of there.
Not to tell you how to do your job, baby, but you need to give these drivers what they deserve and get them back to work.
- It's not that simple, Ma.
- It is that simple.
The union works hard.
Get them what they need.
With all due respect, it's much easier to be a critic.
- [ALL GASP.]
- Watch your mouth! - FRANNY: Oh! - Oh! Just give me the word, and I'll go get the soap.
You need a paddle? I got two.
You know what? Say whatever you want.
But you're not helping anyone by hiding out in my apartment.
Auxiliary City Hall! Watch your mouth, Jermaine.
- Sorry.
- She's right.
The city's suffering because of me.
- And it might take a while to cut a deal - [DOOR CLOSES.]
so I need to focus on easing the people's pain.
Guys, come with me.
- C-Courtney? - Why are you running? Are we running to something or from something? You got to tell somebody.
So, no airlift.
I still think the safest place for you is on the roof.
- [WHISPERING.]
Hey, Courtney.
- [WHISPERING.]
Hey.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Mayor Rose! What a surprise! I am a doctor and was not expecting you! Well, hello, Doctor.
Not only am I your mayor, but I am also your ride.
I'm pretty sure you are aware of the ongoing bus strike.
Indeed, though I assign no blame.
Well, not only am I working hard to end the bus strike, I am also trying to keep Fort Greyans moving.
So I'm launching a new ride-sharing program called See Someone, Drive Someone.
It's as simple as seeing someone and driving someone.
Now, let's get you to work.
Thanks, Mr.
Mayor! You are helping me get to the hospital, where I am employed as a doctor! We just blasted that out on social media.
What do you think? Well, not that it's the point, but I didn't buy T.
K.
as the doctor.
The notes are helpful.
I'm honing my craft.
[SIGHS.]
But more importantly, you're not solving anything.
You're just avoiding going back to the bargaining table.
I know it's not a permanent solution, but it's important.
Cold medicine does not cure a cold, but it does make it so you can go to work.
- Man.
- Hmm? You should've been the doctor.
- That was transcendent.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
If y'all didn't want me to be the doctor, you could've just said something! - No, we gave you a chance.
- No, I thought you were great.
I'm not Sally Field, but I did my best.
[SIGHS.]
See someone, drive someone - Hey! - See someone, drive someone - [BRAKES SQUEAL.]
- Hey! Hey, man, you need a lift? We're just trying to ease your pain, man.
Get in the car.
See someone, drive someone Welcome to the car.
See someone, drive someone I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be right back to pick you up.
I have to drop Suzanne off at the dentist.
Hey! It's already starting to catch on! Hey! - Courtney Rose! Hero Mayor! - [HORN HONKING.]
I'm sorry, sir.
My friend gets a little excited.
It's charming in small doses.
Something that we don't call each other every day - I know - Holler out the window If you see me around the way This was a good plan.
I feel like this works.
Now I'm posin' up in government Dosin' in the mothership Keepin' it 100 while I'm peelin' off American-made, can't let the wheels fall off - How many you got? - We got three.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
This is gonna be a tight squeeze, so maybe Really? That's my car! Yo, I'll say this much Tough times really do bring people together.
It's pretty inspiring.
- Oh, for sure.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yo, make a left right here.
- I got you, man.
PROTESTORS: [CHANTING.]
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract! No bus! Thanks for the ride Mr.
Mayor.
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! What the hell? - Mom?! - No bus! A living wage for all of us! I got to pick up a couch.
I'm sorry not right now.
Bro no free rides.
No contract, no bus.
A living wage for all of us.
- No contract - What the hell, Ma? "What the hell" yourself.
These are my Pamplemousses.
I saw you picketing.
Good.
How'd I look? Treacherous.
You're picketing against your own son? Excuse me the Post Office called a sympathy strike.
That didn't mean you had to go.
That's right.
I chose to.
In case you haven't noticed, we are a union house.
Everything we have is because of their hard-fought battles health insurance, rent, the piano.
Ma, we got that piano for free off Craigslist.
And how do you think we got on Craigslist? Using a computer bought with union wages! This is so unreal.
You're supposed to be on my side.
Not when you're hanging out on some dumb side, scabbing like you did.
What?! When did I scab? When you drove half the city around with your little See Someone, Scab Someone campaign.
Ma, I was not trying to get rid of the buses.
I was just trying to keep the city moving during the strike.
Boy, that may actually be the definition of "scabbing.
" Look I understand Dina The Postal Worker is mad at me, but I really need my mom right now.
Sorry.
Of course.
Here I am.
[SIGHS.]
You're wrong, Courtney.
No contract, no bus.
A living wage for all of us.
[VOICE FADING.]
No contract, no bus My mom called me "Courtney.
" That is your name.
Usually, she calls me "baby.
" Did you seriously wake me up to tell me that? It's 7:30.
What do you want? If I've let my mom down, I've literally let everyone in the city down, which is the exact opposite of my goal.
It's okay, baby.
What's happening? I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I I took half an Ambien.
Uh, I feel no matter what I do, someone's gonna get screwed.
You know the saying You can please some of the people all the time, all the people some of the time, but no matter what, they're gonna curse your name and spit on your grave.
I don't think that's how it goes.
Courtney, I admire that you genuinely want to make everyone happy, alright? You've been that way since high school.
Well, in high school, I made a lot of people unhappy teachers, coaches, kids who didn't want to hear Montell Jordan butchered - at a pep rally.
- [LAUGHS.]
Let's hope that video never surfaces, 'cause some scandals, you cannot come back from.
Yeah, I get that.
When you're onstage rapping, I'm sure you're giving the crowd exactly what they came for.
But this is politics, okay? If you're not disappointing people, you're not doing your job right.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
And I should've listened to you before.
I am ready to do what I need to do.
Well, that isn't the worst mea culpa in the You're so right.
Okay, I am incapable of saying anything in a positive way.
Good 'cause what I need right now is someone who has no regard for people's feelings.
Well you came to the right place.
Baby.
COURTNEY: Guys, I want to end this bus strike, but it's gonna take some sacrifices from all of us.
You're closing libraries every Monday?! Uh, every other Monday, actually.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
And also every Tuesday.
The City Hall Yelp page will definitely hear about this.
Well, I guess I have nothing to lose when I also tell you that we will be limiting airport bus services to weekends only.
[CROWD GROANING, MURMURING.]
A 6% raise is out of whack with the national standard.
- I'll give you 3.
- 4.
- 3! - 4! - 2! - 7! - 4.
- 4.
[SIGHS.]
Ladies and gentlemen, Mayor Rose.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
Good afternoon.
I am very pleased to announce that an agreement has been reached.
The bus strike is over.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Uh, there are no winners in a strike, and, unfortunately, the pain will be far-reaching.
Part of the compromise will be a citywide bus fare hike.
[CROWD GROANS, BOOS.]
Lot of disappointed people out there.
Good job, Mr.
Mayor.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
- Mm! - Nice job, idiot.
Hope you get hit by a bus.
Hey! Don't talk to my baby that way! Oh, I'm your baby? Aw! You were always my baby.
Just for a while there, you were a union-hating monster baby.
But you know what? You were right.
It's easy for me to criticize from the sidelines.
I'm not the one that has to get things done.
You did a tough thing, and I'm proud of you.
Alright, alright! Come on, now.
Now, you in City Hall! Have a little dignity, man! Yes, ma'am.
Mayor Rose.
Counselor.
Amber.
I just wanted to make sure that you had my number.
Uh, you know the new union contract doesn't expire for three years? It doesn't have to be about business.
Oh.
Uh you know, you should have given me this before I closed the deal.
Maybe I could've given you an extra 1%.
That's okay.
We got two more than we expected.
Hugs from your mom, digits from cute bus lawyer.
Your body must be hella confused.
Let's say hypothetically that two anonymous clients both wore denim outfits on the same day.
Who should have to change the one who got to work first or the one who is famously known for wearing denim on Tuesdays? #DenimTuesdays.
Why do I keep coming back here? Are you guys misusing city resources for your own personal "Who Wore It Best"? That's exactly what they're doing.
Okay, I have professional drinks later that could segue into a not-so-professional breakfast.
What do you think blazer on or should I take it off? - Off.
- I mean, it's a cute dress, right? - Off.
- Cute little cap sleeves.
- You have great arms.
- I like it on.
- On? - It makes you look smart.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Enjoy it.
- May I just say - Mm-hmm? I am proud to play even a small role in your grand vision.
Mm.
Right? Guys, it's one trash can.
Uh, slash-recycling bin.
Check your facts.
No, it's nothing, guys just a little place you can throw your apple cores and soda cans.
You're saying it like it's actually much more.
It's not.
Val, to you, that's just a metal cylinder.
But to Oscar the Grouch, it's home.
No, to me, getting that trash can there shows what government can do when you're not a puppet to greedy corporations and zillionaire donors just to get re-elected.
How many donors came knocking on your door, exactly? I'll take this one.
- None.
- Precisely.
Because every day, I come to work with one special interest in mind the people.
He's not beholden to nobody not UNICEF, not Meals on Wheels.
- Drain the swamp.
- Okay, that's a little off-message.
Point is, when you think about the people, you can get more things done - like the trash can.
- The people's trash can.
You'll be hard-pressed to find me one person that doesn't have something to throw away.
They got a problem.
They got a solution.
Uh, boss? You know I'm not afraid to speak truth to power, right? Um, dog just peed on your trash can.
[DOG BARKS.]
- Oh, no.
I'ma handle this.
- Yeah.
We got to stop these leaks! See someone, drive someone Okay, so, labor negotiations are all about give-and-take.
We obviously can't give the transit union everything that they want, but we have to make them feel like - they're getting a fair deal.
- I get it collective bargaining, first established by the Railway Labor Act of 1926.
- Google? - Oh, no no.
I got it from one of my old-timey railway buddies.
- Of course Google! - Great.
Now, don't worry.
I read all your memos.
Good.
Then you know that this is gonna be war.
War? See, that's the problem with politics today.
Why does it have to be war? We're all on the same side.
I told you, my job is to serve the people.
And the bus drivers they are the people.
Hey, everybody! Mayor Rose.
Please help yourself to some doughnuts.
- I like to think of them as - Hi.
little wheels on buses.
And apparently, we can't afford doughnuts.
- Uh, hello.
- Ah.
I'm Amber Powell, in-house counsel for Local 428.
Counsel in the house! Yes.
They told me you were, uh Charming? Charismatic? A better-looking Idris Elba? Loud.
Uh, y-you'll notice that I removed that divisive rectangular table in favor of this circular one.
No sides just people.
The other table's being stored in my office.
Can't get in.
It's a huge problem.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Anyway, the union needs a complete overhaul of pension and health, stricter safety protocols, and a long overdue 6% wage increase as outlined in this report.
Ooh! Is that a Series Eight Berman D-Ring? - Nice! - [SIGHS.]
6% sounds reasonable.
We can make that happen, right, Val? We would have to raise bus fares.
Ooh.
That would hurt a lot of people.
We should, uh, probably put a pin in that.
What else do you need? Shorter shifts.
We could probably cut down on route times by adding more bus lanes.
That'll help all the people.
That would just probably add more congestion for commuters.
Except for those people.
We should probably put a pin in that, too.
Guys, if you could have one wish, what would it be? - Pension.
- Healthcare.
Oh.
Uh, different wishes, same people.
Please don't read into this, but is there anyone else we can talk to? Courtney, you served none of the people in there.
It would appear that the people's interests are numerous and varied.
- Oh, and this is news to you? - No.
It's just, if we're gonna do this deal right, it's got to require a more nuanced approach than The trash can? The trash can.
Look, anyone can make the union happy by screwing over someone else.
I'm trying to find a solution that works for everybody.
- Like the trash can! - Okay.
So, what is your magical plan, then? You're gonna go around and ask every single person in Fort Grey what works for them? That is not a bad idea.
Yes, it is.
Courtney! Don't run away with purpose! [THUD.]
Is somebody gonna help me with this table?! - [W.
HOUSTON'S "DIDN'T WE ALMOST HAVE IT ALL".]
- DINA: Whoo! I can't wait until tomorrow.
Krystal, this year, I'll have a migraine.
You call in with the flu.
And nice touch coughing all day at work.
- I take our annual sick day very seriously.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come Friday, they'll be like, "She got the bird flu, the swine flu all the animal flus!" [LAUGHTER.]
I'm so glad I don't have to call in sick.
Those are the perks of owning your own business.
An unlicensed daycare you run out of your apartment downstairs? "Own your own business," like you Papa John.
Ooh! Oh, my God, I love Whitney Day.
- Mm-hmm.
- It's my most favorite tradition.
Oh, you remember in 2014, when those college boys tried to holla at your girl? They were asking for directions.
And I told them where to go.
That is dirty! Wait, that is dirty, right? Uh, depends if they get lost.
Okay, now I really don't know what we talking about.
There's a whole podcast in here.
Now, you know you can come over here, right? I got a seat right here.
That is my child.
He may be your child, but he most certainly is a man.
- You are nasty, girl.
- [GROWLS, TRILLS.]
God, do you remember, you were just yea high - on our first Whitney Day 18 years ago? - Here we go.
Here we go.
How the three of us went to see Whitney - at the Civic Auditorium.
- The Civic Auditorium.
You stayed out late and called in to work sick - so you could keep the party going.
- Mm-hmm.
And Whitney Day was born.
BOTH: Yes! Please do not do anything illegal this year.
Yes, I am the mayor, but I cannot pardon people.
I checked.
Okay, good night.
Got a lot of work to do.
Got to hash out some bus union contracts.
Show the union some love.
They fight the good fight for us.
I'll fight for them and everyone else.
- My baby.
- Hey! Ma! I like the shape of this table.
It's not completely round, no discernible sides.
- Good choice.
- Thanks, baby.
KRYSTAL: Bye.
Dumpster find.
[LAUGHTER.]
Didn't we almost have it all? Thank you for participating in this confidential focus group.
While you pass me your NDAs, my associate will, uh, catch you up to speed.
Thank you, associate.
We are associates.
So, we're gonna ask you some questions.
There are no wrong answers.
We just want to get a window into your souls.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
- So, anyway our anonymous client is in a bit of a pickle.
Mm.
I need a better picture.
Are we talking Bieber pickle or O.
J.
pickle? Exactly in between.
So, anyway, our anonymous client You mean the mayor.
We can't say for certain.
We're in City Hall.
I've seen you on TV with him.
You're his best friends.
[CHUCKLES.]
You're excused.
Whatever.
An anonymous source just told me, "Make 'em all stay.
" - Go on, sit down.
- Yeah.
This focus group represents a good cross section of the city young, old, poor less poor.
We figure out what they're willing to sacrifice, and we can free up some money for a fair union contract.
Well, got to say, this isn't the worst idea in the world.
You could've just said it was a good idea way less words.
You know, that isn't a horrible suggestion.
[LAUGHS.]
You have a problem.
Look, guys, it's simple.
Our client needs your help to figure out how to make the transit union happy without raising bus fares, Your client could literally only be the mayor.
Okay.
We're gonna run some questions by you.
Be brutal.
Simon Cowell brutal or O.
J.
brutal? Come on, man! You're here to answer some questions for a free sandwich, with your choice of chips or fruit cup.
Now, would you prefer to lose playgrounds or Meals on Wheels? Playgrounds.
What's a slide, anyway? You want the fun of gravity, try falling down a flight of stairs.
Playgrounds babysit my kids.
Not that I leave them there unattended.
I don't care about either.
Just don't touch my libraries.
Got to check my e-mails, FaceTime Nana.
- I feel like this is good for you.
- Mm-hmm.
You need to be around as many people as possible.
See? This is democracy marketplace of ideas, government by the people, for the people.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
The people are throwing fruit.
Oh! Alright, break it up! This is not what our client wants! It's the mayor! Just say it, damn it! They're working through stuff.
They're finding common ground.
Yeah, this did not pan out.
[SPLAT.]
There's a piece of ham covering the camera.
[SHOUTING CONTINUES.]
JERMAINE: Hey, hey! Help us! COURTNEY: Now, if there's one thing I'm not doing, it's stalling.
After much consideration deliberation - contemplation - We get it.
You thought about it a lot, and you own a thesaurus.
Look, these things are hard harder than everyone realized.
- Everyone? - I fully intend to give you the deal that will make you happy.
It's just gonna take a little longer no more than a few weeks.
Our contract expires at midnight.
[SIGHS.]
ALL: [CHANTING.]
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract.
And so with no decision from Mayor Rose, the union is left with no choice but to strike.
Gabby Montoya, live at City Hall.
NEWS ANCHOR: Thank you, Gabby.
As you can see They came in on a bus.
Who drove? Boy Hey! The wheels on the bus go "Stop, stop, stop" as the citywide bus strike stretches into its third day.
I can't even get to work.
I'm dipping into my sick days.
Those are my time.
I haven't been able to visit my friend Ethel in days! Well, she's only 97.
I'm sure there's time.
The growing crowd of transit workers at City Hall say they're no closer to a deal than when the strike began.
You'd think the mayor would care more about this, but we've been out here all morning and he's yet to come to work.
Is he hiding? But I'm at work! [SIGHS.]
Yeah, Auxiliary City Hall, away from the angry masses.
Cowardly, sure, but peaceful.
Guys, this is not what I wanted.
I want to serve the people, not plunge the city into a crisis.
Well, maybe it's not that bad.
You know, some people don't even take the bus, like rich people and cabbies and marathon runners, people who wear hats that are too big for the bus door Everybody rides the damn bus.
VALENTINA: Guys, I'm on with Grey River High.
Only two teachers showed up for work.
They are dangerously outnumbered.
There's no saving them.
I'll send a nice bouquet to their next of kin.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
Worst Whitney Day ever.
I need to soothe my rattles.
The psychic couldn't even get to work because of the shutdown.
Interestingly, she did not see that coming.
KRYSTAL: And then Uber was surging like crazy.
We had to walk everywhere.
- My feet look like burger meat.
- Mm-hmm.
The good manicurist had to pick up her kids from school, so we got stuck with Trish.
My roses look like burger meat! Just put on a movie in the gym, a-a-and I'll get you an airlift out of there.
Not to tell you how to do your job, baby, but you need to give these drivers what they deserve and get them back to work.
- It's not that simple, Ma.
- It is that simple.
The union works hard.
Get them what they need.
With all due respect, it's much easier to be a critic.
- [ALL GASP.]
- Watch your mouth! - FRANNY: Oh! - Oh! Just give me the word, and I'll go get the soap.
You need a paddle? I got two.
You know what? Say whatever you want.
But you're not helping anyone by hiding out in my apartment.
Auxiliary City Hall! Watch your mouth, Jermaine.
- Sorry.
- She's right.
The city's suffering because of me.
- And it might take a while to cut a deal - [DOOR CLOSES.]
so I need to focus on easing the people's pain.
Guys, come with me.
- C-Courtney? - Why are you running? Are we running to something or from something? You got to tell somebody.
So, no airlift.
I still think the safest place for you is on the roof.
- [WHISPERING.]
Hey, Courtney.
- [WHISPERING.]
Hey.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Mayor Rose! What a surprise! I am a doctor and was not expecting you! Well, hello, Doctor.
Not only am I your mayor, but I am also your ride.
I'm pretty sure you are aware of the ongoing bus strike.
Indeed, though I assign no blame.
Well, not only am I working hard to end the bus strike, I am also trying to keep Fort Greyans moving.
So I'm launching a new ride-sharing program called See Someone, Drive Someone.
It's as simple as seeing someone and driving someone.
Now, let's get you to work.
Thanks, Mr.
Mayor! You are helping me get to the hospital, where I am employed as a doctor! We just blasted that out on social media.
What do you think? Well, not that it's the point, but I didn't buy T.
K.
as the doctor.
The notes are helpful.
I'm honing my craft.
[SIGHS.]
But more importantly, you're not solving anything.
You're just avoiding going back to the bargaining table.
I know it's not a permanent solution, but it's important.
Cold medicine does not cure a cold, but it does make it so you can go to work.
- Man.
- Hmm? You should've been the doctor.
- That was transcendent.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
If y'all didn't want me to be the doctor, you could've just said something! - No, we gave you a chance.
- No, I thought you were great.
I'm not Sally Field, but I did my best.
[SIGHS.]
See someone, drive someone - Hey! - See someone, drive someone - [BRAKES SQUEAL.]
- Hey! Hey, man, you need a lift? We're just trying to ease your pain, man.
Get in the car.
See someone, drive someone Welcome to the car.
See someone, drive someone I'm sorry, sir.
I'll be right back to pick you up.
I have to drop Suzanne off at the dentist.
Hey! It's already starting to catch on! Hey! - Courtney Rose! Hero Mayor! - [HORN HONKING.]
I'm sorry, sir.
My friend gets a little excited.
It's charming in small doses.
Something that we don't call each other every day - I know - Holler out the window If you see me around the way This was a good plan.
I feel like this works.
Now I'm posin' up in government Dosin' in the mothership Keepin' it 100 while I'm peelin' off American-made, can't let the wheels fall off - How many you got? - We got three.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
This is gonna be a tight squeeze, so maybe Really? That's my car! Yo, I'll say this much Tough times really do bring people together.
It's pretty inspiring.
- Oh, for sure.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yo, make a left right here.
- I got you, man.
PROTESTORS: [CHANTING.]
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! No contract! No bus! Thanks for the ride Mr.
Mayor.
No contract! No bus! A living wage for all of us! What the hell? - Mom?! - No bus! A living wage for all of us! I got to pick up a couch.
I'm sorry not right now.
Bro no free rides.
No contract, no bus.
A living wage for all of us.
- No contract - What the hell, Ma? "What the hell" yourself.
These are my Pamplemousses.
I saw you picketing.
Good.
How'd I look? Treacherous.
You're picketing against your own son? Excuse me the Post Office called a sympathy strike.
That didn't mean you had to go.
That's right.
I chose to.
In case you haven't noticed, we are a union house.
Everything we have is because of their hard-fought battles health insurance, rent, the piano.
Ma, we got that piano for free off Craigslist.
And how do you think we got on Craigslist? Using a computer bought with union wages! This is so unreal.
You're supposed to be on my side.
Not when you're hanging out on some dumb side, scabbing like you did.
What?! When did I scab? When you drove half the city around with your little See Someone, Scab Someone campaign.
Ma, I was not trying to get rid of the buses.
I was just trying to keep the city moving during the strike.
Boy, that may actually be the definition of "scabbing.
" Look I understand Dina The Postal Worker is mad at me, but I really need my mom right now.
Sorry.
Of course.
Here I am.
[SIGHS.]
You're wrong, Courtney.
No contract, no bus.
A living wage for all of us.
[VOICE FADING.]
No contract, no bus My mom called me "Courtney.
" That is your name.
Usually, she calls me "baby.
" Did you seriously wake me up to tell me that? It's 7:30.
What do you want? If I've let my mom down, I've literally let everyone in the city down, which is the exact opposite of my goal.
It's okay, baby.
What's happening? I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I I took half an Ambien.
Uh, I feel no matter what I do, someone's gonna get screwed.
You know the saying You can please some of the people all the time, all the people some of the time, but no matter what, they're gonna curse your name and spit on your grave.
I don't think that's how it goes.
Courtney, I admire that you genuinely want to make everyone happy, alright? You've been that way since high school.
Well, in high school, I made a lot of people unhappy teachers, coaches, kids who didn't want to hear Montell Jordan butchered - at a pep rally.
- [LAUGHS.]
Let's hope that video never surfaces, 'cause some scandals, you cannot come back from.
Yeah, I get that.
When you're onstage rapping, I'm sure you're giving the crowd exactly what they came for.
But this is politics, okay? If you're not disappointing people, you're not doing your job right.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
And I should've listened to you before.
I am ready to do what I need to do.
Well, that isn't the worst mea culpa in the You're so right.
Okay, I am incapable of saying anything in a positive way.
Good 'cause what I need right now is someone who has no regard for people's feelings.
Well you came to the right place.
Baby.
COURTNEY: Guys, I want to end this bus strike, but it's gonna take some sacrifices from all of us.
You're closing libraries every Monday?! Uh, every other Monday, actually.
[CROWD MURMURING.]
And also every Tuesday.
The City Hall Yelp page will definitely hear about this.
Well, I guess I have nothing to lose when I also tell you that we will be limiting airport bus services to weekends only.
[CROWD GROANING, MURMURING.]
A 6% raise is out of whack with the national standard.
- I'll give you 3.
- 4.
- 3! - 4! - 2! - 7! - 4.
- 4.
[SIGHS.]
Ladies and gentlemen, Mayor Rose.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
Good afternoon.
I am very pleased to announce that an agreement has been reached.
The bus strike is over.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Uh, there are no winners in a strike, and, unfortunately, the pain will be far-reaching.
Part of the compromise will be a citywide bus fare hike.
[CROWD GROANS, BOOS.]
Lot of disappointed people out there.
Good job, Mr.
Mayor.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
- Mm! - Nice job, idiot.
Hope you get hit by a bus.
Hey! Don't talk to my baby that way! Oh, I'm your baby? Aw! You were always my baby.
Just for a while there, you were a union-hating monster baby.
But you know what? You were right.
It's easy for me to criticize from the sidelines.
I'm not the one that has to get things done.
You did a tough thing, and I'm proud of you.
Alright, alright! Come on, now.
Now, you in City Hall! Have a little dignity, man! Yes, ma'am.
Mayor Rose.
Counselor.
Amber.
I just wanted to make sure that you had my number.
Uh, you know the new union contract doesn't expire for three years? It doesn't have to be about business.
Oh.
Uh you know, you should have given me this before I closed the deal.
Maybe I could've given you an extra 1%.
That's okay.
We got two more than we expected.
Hugs from your mom, digits from cute bus lawyer.
Your body must be hella confused.
Let's say hypothetically that two anonymous clients both wore denim outfits on the same day.
Who should have to change the one who got to work first or the one who is famously known for wearing denim on Tuesdays? #DenimTuesdays.
Why do I keep coming back here? Are you guys misusing city resources for your own personal "Who Wore It Best"? That's exactly what they're doing.
Okay, I have professional drinks later that could segue into a not-so-professional breakfast.
What do you think blazer on or should I take it off? - Off.
- I mean, it's a cute dress, right? - Off.
- Cute little cap sleeves.
- You have great arms.
- I like it on.
- On? - It makes you look smart.
Uh, I'm sorry.