The Muppets Mayhem (2023) s01e05 Episode Script

1
- Floyd, my man.
- Hmm?
What do you say we get some tuneage going
to ease us down the road to recovery?
- All right, then.
- NORA: Wait, hold up.
Doctor said your necks can't take
any more headbanging.
Oh, now, I said no such thing.
I mean, the "doctor," Doctor.
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh.
(ALL STRAINING)
- Must resist.
- Don't.
Don't.
Don't do it.
And yet, the power of rock compels us!
- Yeah!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
ANIMAL: Rock on! Rock on! Rock on!
Try coming a little sooner
and I'll come follow you from there?
- (WHISPERS) Hey! Moog.
- Yeah?
I've been avoiding Penny's calls,
any updates on the album?
You know, we're still kickin' it,
in the idea stage,
but, I mean, they got a lot of, like
Like bits and pieces?
Hey, we've been working
on some killer beginnings. Like this.
Hit it!
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
Oh. Okay,
do you have any other beginnings?
DR. TEETH: Oh, yeah! Three, four!
- (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
NORA: Oh.
Oh Okay.
Ooh, and, like,
don't forget about this one!
- (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
(MUSIC TRAILS OFF)
- I thought there was more.
- Mmm-mmm.
Hey, well, I dig it.
Like, who is Johnny Ragsdale?
What's his deal?
Does it really matter?
It doesn't work, none of it does.
Old Floyd's hard on beginnings.
But, lucky for us,
we got an abundance of groovy middles.
Like this one.
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
And
- (GROOVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
Also
- (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (SINGING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
I don't know about this one.
I think
it's a big ol' stinkin' pile of stink.
I absorb all your negativity,
and, like, convert it into positivity.
'Cause we also have
so many amazing endings! Such as
(VOCALIZING)
(INSTRUMENTAL FLOURISH PLAYS)
- And this one.
- (JAZZY INTERLUDE PLAYS)
And also, this!
(PLAYS DRUM FILL)
NORA: Wow.
Um (SNAPS FINGERS) Idea.
What about matching a beginning
and a middle with an ending?
You know, to form an actual song.
Well, there's the rub-a-dub-dub.
I can't just commit all willy-nillyish.
You see, the choices I make today
will be my forever obligations
of tomorrow.
Really? 'Cause you're singing it.
Not marrying it.
Then at least
let us move in together, cohabitate.
See if we gel, then buy a goldendoodle,
put it in a little stroller
and name it something cute, like,
Puddin' or Pickles.
- Or Puddles.
- Or Puddles.
- Pinky.
- Penelope.
- Pinocchio.
- Ping-Pong.
- Poncho.
- Pup-Pup.
So, yeah, it's become very clear
why they've been in such a severe,
like, creative drought.
Dr. Teeth can't commit to anything.
And Floyd is just a perfectionist.
I think it's a trash fire.
None of it works!
Janice is always busy helping the others,
instead of, you know,
actually helping with the song.
It's massage circle time.
- FLOYD: This is the best.
- Oh, I love this.
- Guys, hey, do you mind?
- Sorry about that.
How can you be so blocked?
You've written a hit song before, right?
Can You Picture That? is a classic.
DR. TEETH: Classic indeed!
Alas, we penned that righteous gemstone
under the stars
in the great outdoors many a moon ago.
Yeah, yeah. Back then,
every note we played just felt right.
- True that.
- Simple times.
Then let's ditch this stuffy studio
and get you back under the stars.
This is totally what we need.
A creative pilgrimage,
where Mother Nature can replenish us
from her sandy, cactusy bosom.
Perfect. I'll go online and book a place.
How does Joshua Tree sound? Good?
That's perfect! Great.
First we have to swing by the office,
so I can buy some more time from Penny.
Then, we hit the road.
- Road trip!
- Oh! Okay.
(ANIMAL CONTINUES SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
- Yeah, he really likes road trips.
- It's gonna be a long drive.
- Mmm! Oh, yeah, more sauce. Yeah!
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Hey. Penny?
Nora! Come on in. Grab a bib.
JJ surprised me
with my favorite hot and spicy ribs.
- I bought six extra. Have at it, Smooshie.
- Don't call me that.
Stop coaxing my boss
into selling this place.
I gave you plenty of time
to make that new album.
And I've heard bubkis.
'Cause you got bubkis.
Not true. No, I mean (SCOFFS)
The band, they've got this song
about a guy named Johnny Ragsdale
and it is
Musical poetry.
Nora actually let me listen to some of
the new Mayhem tracks on the DL.
And it's the RD.
- The real deal.
- Go on.
- What are you doing?
- Just being honest.
Well, I appreciate your honesty.
And that chiseled jaw of yours.
(CHUCKLES)
- I am so confused.
- Well, I'm tantalized.
I'll give you one more week.
Can I talk to you outside real quick?
You don't have to thank me
for rescuing you in there.
- Thank you?
- You're welcome.
- Bad!
- Whoa! Really? You brought the guard dog?
- Hey, bud, I told you to wait in the van.
- Bad!
Actually, I just bought
your band more time with Penny.
- So, maybe JJ ain't so bad after all?
- Good?
No! Okay, stop trying to get in my head.
Our heads.
- Okay, all I'm trying to do is help you.
- Good!
- No, he's not helping us.
- Bad!
I'm helping you since moment one.
How? Okay, you showed up back in my life
and tried to buy the label.
- Bad!
- Which I offered you to run!
- Good!
- Okay, fine.
Then you crashed my recording with Zedd.
- Bad!
- Where I paid for the glass door
- Animal decimated.
- (SADLY) Bad.
Then you called them "old"
at our rehearsal.
And I offered my help
to make the band sound better than ever.
Bad?
- Good?
- Yeah, I
admittedly don't know
how to feel about you right now.
Well, better than feeling nothin'.
Come on, Animal. Let's go.
(SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
(ANIMAL CONTINUES SHOUTING)
NORA: How long is he gonna do this?
FLOYD: It depends.
How long is the road trip?
(ANIMAL MUMBLING SLEEPILY)
(MOOG CHUCKLES)
Hey, thank you so much
for letting me tag along.
- This is great.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
Also, I can't feel my arms, or body.
Just hang in there. Only two more miles
until our desert oasis.
Cool.
MOOG: So, define "oasis."
What is this?
No, this isn't what Hannah booked.
- (VULTURE SCREECHES)
- Fancy.
NORA: This was supposed to be
a luxurious getaway
- Yeah.
- so you could write new music!
- This is rustic.
- Yeah, you got scammed.
No, not happening.
I'm calling the rental company right now.
- What time is it in Bolivia?
- Well, I for one, digify it.
- It's got everything we need.
- Everything except four walls.
Ain't got no walls!
But look, it, like, totally comes with
a bag of marshmallows and a shovel!
Great, now, someone can bury us
when we die out here.
- Uh
- (CHUCKLES)
The Eagle Scout in me
feels compelled to tell you that
that is not a grave-digging shovel.
It's actually a shovel for, like, um
- Poopadumbums.
- Yeah.
Hello? Hello?
Hello!
- MOOG: Another marshmallow?
- Oh, yeah.
MOOG: Anybody else?
So, we've been sitting under the stars
here for a few hours.
But still no music flowing, huh?
(ALL MUMBLING DEJECTEDLY)
Maybe we all just need to open up
and dig a little deeper.
- She's all yours.
- NORA: Ew. No.
Maybe we'll figure out
what's holding you back.
Like, why Teeth won't commit to anything
you write, and why Floyd hates all of it.
You know, like, explore your feelings.
Your failures. Your fears.
I say we, like, dance it out.
- LIPS: Oh!
- Yes! Dance it out!
- (LAUGHS)
- Dance! Dance!
NORA: Janice, this isn't another problem
for you to solve.
Yeah, let's do it. Whoa!
- Yeah, yeah.
- FLOYD: It sure does feel dancy.
- Okay, okay, fine. What if I go first?
- MOOG: Wait, really?
What, you're just gonna unpack
your deepest failures and fears,
right in front of us?
We've all got our issues, right?
If I'm being totally honest,
I definitely thought
I'd be way further along in life by now.
I don't know how old I have to be
for my life to finally take off.
And I don't even want it all.
Maybe just a cute little house.
A partner. Preferably handsome.
6'2", super driven,
we compete for success in a healthy way,
while we raise our 2.5 kids.
That's the national average.
I mean, really, is it too much to ask
to just wanna
spread my wings and fly?
- For I am a falconer.
- (FALCON SCREECHES)
Like my father before me.
His name was Parvesh.
And I am his daughter!
Nora?
Nora. The falconer.
Master of the air beasts.
Are you okay?
You good?
Here. I don't do sugar. Rots your brain.
Zoot.
Zoot, this bag expired in '92.
Oh, good. We still got a month left.
What? No! No, no, no, no.
That was, like, 30 years ago!
Everybody, you've been eating
these marshmallows all night.
And this bag is super expired!
You know what? I'm sure it's fine.
There's no reason to panic.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
You should try using a stick.
MOOG: Okay. We're good, right?
It's just old marshmallows.
We are all gonna be fine, all right?
- Hmm. (CHUCKLES)
- MOOG: Lips? You okay?
- Ahh. Whoa.
- MOOG: You all right there, buddy?
(SPIRIT IN THE SKY
BY NORMAN GREENBAUM PLAYING)
(GASPS)
LIPS: Whoa.
(EXCLAIMS)
(LAUGHS)
(YELPS AND GRUNTS)
ZOOT: Lips?
Smile for the camera.
(CAMERA WHIRRING)
- Hmm.
- ZOOT: Oh, man, you blinked.
(CHUCKLES)
MOOG: Lips is out,
but the rest of you can Wait.
Oh, no. Where'd everybody go?
Where'd everybody go?
Oh. Hello. How are you?
MOOG: Oh, thank God. I found you.
- Hey, Janice! I'm so sorry to interrupt
- You look so
- but let's get you comfy by the fire.
- familiar.
MOOG: Maybe write some music?
Unless you are out of your mind and all.
Where you goin'?
Whoa, it's so infinite.
Oh, wow.
Are you, like, totally here to help me?
- For sure.
- DOUBLED VOICE: (ECHOES) For sure.
Aw. I'm feeling so much love right now.
- So much love, one true Janice.
- So much love, one true Janice.
- And you need to love you, too.
- And you need to love you, too.
- Wow, like, totally loving myself?
- Like, totally.
We all know you're gonna get there
with your band,
but the secret to writing music
is to love yourself first.
- For sure.
- For sure.
- For sure.
- Hey!
You two make a great couple.
Gonna get there.
Animal?
You wanna come down and make some music?
Baby.
You all right there, bud?
Yeah. Baby.
We're quite fine, my fine gent.
Down in a jiff.
Baby.
You're quite the nurturer, aren't you?
Just like our dear friend Nora.
Nora.
In fact, from moment one, you've felt
a powerful kinship to the woman.
Perhaps it is innate,
or perhaps
you share a deep-rooted connection
over you both being abandoned
at a young age.
Nora.
Point is,
because of that unbreakable bond,
it is your duty to protect her.
Nay, guide her.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
You two make a great couple.
Everybody! Look up there in the sky!
Ooh.
Doesn't get any weirder than that,
am I right?
You know it. I've come to help you, Floyd.
By convincing me
to take back the Pride Lands
and reclaim my rightful throne?
No, no, no, that's Lion King.
No, I'm here to tell you
to stop being so precious
and start writing music again.
Says the guy who only writes parody songs.
Got you! (LAUGHS)
Hey! I've got original songs
on every album.
I've done, like, 80 of 'em.
- Dang! That is so many.
- Almost too many.
Yeah, I just
No, I just don't wanna let everybody down.
I mean, it's gotta be perfect,
know what I'm sayin'?
You really think
I care about what people think?
- Clearly not.
- Exactly.
So, stop worrying
about what the world thinks.
You go tell them what to feel.
Right on, Mr. Weird.
Remember who you are, Floyd.
The one true king.
(PROLONGED) Remember.
Goodbye, "Weird Al" Yankovic!
So, you are doing a Lion King thing.
That's exciting.
- Yeah, it is exciting, isn't it?
- Mmm-hmm.
You know,
I've not felt this inspired in years.
- (GASPS)
- Give me a hug, talking cactus.
Oh, call me Davis. (LAUGHING)
- (FLOYD GRUNTS)
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- You two make a great couple.
- DAVIS: Thank you.
Wow.
- Okay, um, hey, how you doing? It's me.
- Hey, Moog.
- How you doin'?
- Great. How you doin'?
Don't you worry, all right?
'Cause an Eagle Scout is always prepared.
I got tweezers. I'mma be right back.
What?
Hey, man. Making new friends?
That's right, man. Meet my friend Davis.
- Whoa!
- (THUDS)
- Whoa.
- (TRIPPY MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, far out.
Whoa. Whee!
Maybe too far out.
Look out.
A piano trap. Hmm.
Perhaps the way out of this jam
is with a jam.
(DISCORDANT NOTES PLAYING)
(PANTING)
Oh, yeah? Uh
(SHOUTS) Get me out of here!
Looks like I got you
the perfect ring size.
- (LAUGHS)
- Penny?
All you had to do was write one song
to free yourself and you couldn't.
You know why? 'Cause you won't commit
to music, and you won't commit to me!
Come on now, Twinkles.
You know I don't do forever.
Aw, who said anything about forever?
Just commit to something
for once in your life.
- You understand?
- (SHOUTING) I do!
- Hey, look at that. I'm in here.
- Teeth! How did this even happen?
- Are they supposed to do that?
- DR. TEETH: Uh-huh.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- You two make a great couple.
- What?
Janice! Janice,
a little help here, please!
(JANICE SINGING)
MOOG: This is gonna be a long night.
(JANICE MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(SIGHS)
Some road trip, huh?
- (CHUCKLES) Hey, you feeling better?
- Yep.
Fully back to my normal self again.
- For better or worse.
- Oh, come on.
- You're too hard on yourself.
- (SCOFFS) Am I?
Not only did the band refuse
to face their fears,
but I ended up admitting all of mine.
I heard you don't think
your life's taking off,
but from where I'm sitting,
I'd say you're flying high.
- You think?
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks, JJ.
Wait, huh?
Oh.
Sorry, no.
Guess that guy really got in my head.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
You two make a great couple.
Yeah.
We really do.
Yeah, you're definitely
not back to normal.
Please. I'm fine.
Now if you don't mind, it's time to fly.
Oh, my All right.
(NORA CHIRPING)
Oh, wow.
Okay, have a good flight.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Yeah, I'mma go pack up the van.
I met a cactus last night.
I met a lot of mes.
Baby.
Who knew that the greatest advice
could come from the weirdest of Als.
Yep. We all saw things.
But it didn't help.
(FLOYD PLUCKING BASS GUITAR)
When we get back to town,
I'll go tell Penny that we got nothin'.
Well, if you ask me, Label Lady,
nothin's still somethin'.
Don't think we can put "nothing"
on a record and sell it, though.
Well, that luscious lick's not nothin'.
You just come up with that new beginning?
Yeah. It's actually getting good.
- Allow me to croon to your tune.
- Yeah, do it.
(SINGING)
I like that.
(CONTINUES SINGING)
(SINGING)
Nice.
- Move Uh, no.
- (SINGS)
Yeah, yeah.
(BOTH SINGING)
DR. TEETH: Yeah.
- This is not bad, you know?
- DR. TEETH: Yeah.
- Now all we need's a middle and an end.
- Ooh, I, like, totally got a chorus.
Let's hear it.
(SINGING)
DR. TEETH: Yeah.
(ALL SINGING)
Wait, did they actually find a way
to get over their writer's block?
No.
You found it.
(SINGING CONTINUES)
Wow, it really is beautiful.
Oh, for sure.
Seems my life-long need to help others
was just a way to avoid helping myself.
Nighty-night, roomie.
Night, Janice.
Night, Animal.
Nora.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Good times.
(MUSIC CONTINUES OVER SPEAKER)
- Well, what do you think?
- Well, I wouldn't call it brilliant.
(ALL SIGH DEJECTEDLY)
I'd call it a miracle!
Nora actually got your butts
back in the game.
Did I tell you, or what? Musical poetry.
- (ALL CLAMORING)
- (MOUTHING) Thank you.
All right, all right, stop your yapping.
You still got the rest of the album
to fill.
- And I need it tomorrow.
- ZOOT: What?
Hold on, now.
If I may, tomorrow is promised to no man.
So, let me live for today.
Whilst I proclaimiate,
- I adore this volcano of tenderness
- (GASPS)
and hereby commit to our love
by sharing it with the world.
Oh, my Take all the time you need.
Well, all right.
Well, all right!
(BAND MEMBERS SINGING)
So, Dr. Teeth is committing,
Floyd is writing, Janice is healing,
and I think I heard Lips mumbled something
about saving the world.
What about you, sis?
I guess Moog helped me see
that I'm flying higher
than I thought I was.
- At least, the band's all better.
- Yeah.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Nothing's gonna stop them now.
Hi. Can I help you?
TINA: Hello.
I hope this is the right place.
We're looking for our son.
Mama?
- Daddy?
- TINA: That's right, Junior.
- We're here to take you home.
- GERALD: Yep.
- Hold it right there.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
(CHUCKLES) Nice one.
Oh! What are you doing there?