The New Scooby-Doo Movies (1972) s01e05 Episode Script

Today, Scooby-Doo meets Don Knotts.
lt's going to be dark pretty soon.
We should have come to Pinecrest
Mountain Lodge hours ago.
We'll get there as long as
we keep heading north.
-But we're heading east.
-We're going west.
Like, who knows where we're going?
We're lost.
-Better snap on the headlamps.
-Scoob's right. We're lost.
And any minute, we're going to get
caught in a typhoon.
A typhoon only happens
on the ocean, silly.
We'll probably get caught
in a flash flood.
Thanks a lot. l feel much better.
No need to panic.
We'll just ask directions.
-Like, who do we ask?
-Whoever lives in that big estate.
-Okay, somebody open the gates.
-The sign says, ''Keep out. ''
The sign doesn't say,
''Keep out. '' lt says:
-''Moody Manor. ''
-Like, to me, that means, ''Keep out. ''
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's go and ask directions
at some friendly gas station.
-What gas station?
-Oh, all right. l'll open the gates.
A gate is a gate.
Simple, right? Somebody else can
close them when we leave.
This is like driving through a tunnel.
This is as far as we go.
Lightning must have struck it.
Well, we'll have to walk
the rest of the way.
l'll wait here.
-Lead the way, Scoob.
-Who, me?
-You're the leader.
-The leader?
Shaggy!
We're going to spend all night in
the woods just trying to ask someone. . .
. . .how to get out of the woods.
Come on.
What did you see, Scooby?
Like, you saw a tree?
He saw a fallen tree.
So? We all saw that.
-You saw the tree stand up?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-That's impossible.
-lt can't happen.
Like, Scooby, you didn't see it.
Come on. Let's find the house.
Little do they know they're walking
right into Goldenrod.
-Now what did you see?
-Don Knotts.
-Where?
-There.
-Nothing.
-Well, what do you think you saw?
Don Knotts.
Don Knotts.
Don Knotts. Don Knotts.
-That was an owl, Scooby.
-Don Knotts.
-Like, you saw a creepy man?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Don Knotts.
-This place is getting to him.
-He's seeing things.
-Look, Scoob, cool it. You're flipping.
Don Knotts in a place like this? Never.
Maybe a vampire or a werewolf.
Let's go. And quit looking back, Scoob.
Well, there's the house.
This place is spooky.
lt's just a big old house.
Sure, full of big old green,
icky, crawly things.
Ring again, Freddy.
Maybe they didn't hear you.
You gotta be kidding. Like, that bell's
loud enough to wake the dead.
l wish l hadn't said that.
-Well, let's go in.
-Nobody invited us.
The door opened. Maybe it's electric.
Yeah. And maybe we'll get a big shock
on the other side.
-l'm going in.
-Come on, Daphne.
-Let's go, Scoob.
-Like, l'll wait here.
Hey, this is wild.
l like the way it's furnished:
Early Frankenstein.
-lt's locked.
-We're trapped.
Don't be so jumpy. We can always go
through a window if we have to.
Right. l'd like to see if there's
anyone home.
You're fantastic.
This is probably the owner
of the mansion.
Or, like, maybe this is.
Well, l say let's stay here tonight.
lt's better than that lodge
we were going to.
lt's scary. Big place like this. . .
. . .and not a soul around.
Good evening. Tallyho,
and all that sort of rot.
-Who are you?
-l'm Featherstone, the butler.
l bid you a smashing welcome.
Pip, pip.
-We didn't think anybody was home.
-Yes, sir. We've been expecting you.
-You couldn't have been expecting us.
-Because we sure weren't expecting you.
Of course, you've come
to see Captain Moody.
-We don't know Captain Moody.
-He's not here anyway, dash it all.
Oh, that's all right.
We only want directions.
His old friend is here. Jolly good.
And he's expecting you. l shall tell him
you've arrived. Oh, ripping. Rather.
Did he say he was Featherstone
or Featherbrain?
He thinks we're somebody else.
He made a mistake.
-We made a mistake coming here.
-Yeah. Let's leave before he comes back.
Yeah. Let's see if we can leave.
The door's still locked.
-This one's locked too.
-So is this door.
What happened?
There's bars on the windows.
l don't remember seeing them before.
The stairs. Maybe we can climb
out an upper window.
A telephone.
-lt's dead.
-Like, l got a horrible feeling we are too.
Amazing. Too much talent for one man.
lt sure doesn't look like there's
any way out.
l wish you hadn't said that.
l hate to give up hope.
We can't give up hope.
There's bound to be a way out.
Right. ln a big mansion like this,
there's gotta be a secret passage.
Like, that's it. A secret passage.
-Let's look for one.
-Yeah.
-We'll look here.
-l'll look here.
You keep your eyes open
for a secret door, Scoob.
l'm going to move this chair.
Hey.
Secret passage.
Secret passage. Secret passage.
Right, Scooby. We're looking.
We're looking.
-Secret passage. Secret passage.
-l'm looking. l'm looking.
Like, hey.
A secret passage.
Good work, Scooby.
lt's not exactly a secret passage. . .
. . .but it is a way out. All we need now
is a volunteer to climb the chimney.
Yeah, yeah.
-Me?
-Yeah, like, finders climbers, Scoob.
-Keep going, Scoob.
-You're right at the top.
Look. There it is.
Like, good work, Scoob.
You found the secret passage.
Hey.
There. Look.
Come on, Scoob.
Nothing could be that scary.
Unless it's that scary.
-Hey, we've reached a dead end.
-Like, where do we go from here?
Some secret passage. All we did was
end up back where we started.
Like, we must have missed the turnoff
at Pismo Beach.
Avast there, you landlubbers.
All hands, to your stations.
Man the jib sail. Reef the mizzenmast.
We're putting out to sea. Haul anchor!
Pardon me, sir. Are you the owner
of this ship?
No. l'm Phineas Fo'c's'le, first mate
to Captain Moody. Shiver my timbers.
Then you're the old friend
the butler told us about.
You might say that, matey. Man and boy,
l sailed with Captain Moody for 20 years.
Who might you be? Little Meg.
l'll stake me sea chest.
Me? No. My name is Velma.
And you're Ronald. Big as a whale,
but l'd know you even in a squall.
Cynthia. Just a wee little shrimp
last time l piped you aboard.
Blow me down, you're the spitting image
of old Captain Moody himself.
Max. Who overhauled your keel, boy?
You used to be a dachshund.
You're making a mistake.
We're not who you think we are.
Things are never
what they seem, matey.
-Like, we only stopped to ask directions.
-North by northeast, matey.
Phineas Fo'c's'le will see to that.
The nieces and nephews of old
Captain Moody will weather the storm.
But we're not Captain Moody's
nieces and nephews.
Don't try to fool me
with a yarn like that.
Now, all hands to the mess room.
-We appreciate it, but we've got to go.
-There's a raging storm at sea. Follow.
He's right about the storm.
Gotta stay somewhere. But l'm scared.
Yeah. Scared.
Eat hearty, mates.
Don't touch it.
Maybe it's poisoned.
Better take on fuel, mates.
ln foul weather like this,
every meal may be your last.
-Yeah, that's just what l was thinking.
-l'm so full l couldn't eat another bite.
lf your bilge is bulging, l'll pipe the maid
and have her show you to your quarter.
l'm really not sleepy.
Belay that. All hands, turn in.
l'll stand the first watch.
Where's that galley wench?
She'll walk the plank for this.
Like, you really think the food
is poisoned?
l'll bet the cellar's just full of people
who had their last meal.
You doll.
l'm lnga Smorgasborg.
You gave me a jingle?
Could you show us to our rooms?
Oh, yeah. You bet you,
by jumping Jiminy.
lt's just a skip and a jump upstairs.
They don't look alike, but l get a strange
feeling the maid and Phineas are related.
Funny. l got a strange feeling
the butler and Phineas are related.
Now, don't worry.
We'll be right down the hall.
l'm worried about what else
is right down the hall.
-What?
-You want anything, just jerk the bell. . .
-. . .and give a jingle, yeah?
-Thanks. We will.
Have a good snooze.
Nighty-night, young gentlemen.
There's bars on these
upstairs windows too.
Come on. Turn out the light,
and let's get some sleep.
Turn out the lights? ln this place?
You're kidding.
-Turn those lights back on!
-l didn't turn them out.
-Guess the lightning cut the electricity.
-l found a candle.
Yipes!
lt's only a cuckoo clock.
Like, this is the right place for it.
There it goes again. Listen.
lt's probably Phineas Fo'c's'le
going around on his first watch.
Yeah. Like he said.
Like, how can you read, Freddy?
lt takes your mind off things. Try it.
-What was that?
-l don't know.
But l sure hope it's not
another cuckoo clock.
-l don't hear any more spooky sounds.
-lt was probably the wind howling.
lt was probably, like,
my stomach howling. No dinner.
-l'm really hungry now.
-Me too.
l'm going downstairs
and fix me a snack.
-l wouldn't touch any food in this house.
-lt can't be all poisoned.
Phineas and the butler and the maid
gotta eat too.
You're liable to run into something
horrible out there.
What's more horrible
than starving to death?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Come on, Scoob.
Scooby-Doo.
Boy, l could sure go
for a bedtime snack now.
Groovy idea. And would you
bring me back. . .
. . .a double-decker Swiss cheese
and ham on rye. . .
. . .a tall glass of cold milk
and a big hot-fudge sundae for dessert?
Sure, if you're still here
when l get back.
Wait for me.
l thought you'd see it my way. Come on.
l'd rather face up to a ghost
than starve to death anyway.
-How about you, Scoob?
-Yeah, yeah.
l'd much rather face a ghost
than starve to death.
-Wouldn't you, Velma?
-Yeah, l sure would.
l take it back. l take it back.
-What was that?
-What was that? Probably just a ghost.
-A ghost?
-A ghost?
Oh, it's nothing but a loose board.
Come on. And watch
where you're walking.
What does that sound like?
Sounds like bones knocking together.
Like, wow. We must have seen
our own reflections in the mirror.
Oh, yeah. Like, wow.
l know you're hungry.
My stomach's moaning too.
But keep it down, will you?
You'll wake up the whole house.
-l'm sorry.
-Okay. Just watch it.
There's enough distractions
around here as it is.
The candle went out. There must be
a draft. You got a match, Scoob?
lt blew on again. Oh, well.
Come on, Scoob.
Who, me?
What is it now?
The armor. Pat, pat. Squeak, squeak.
Armor. Pat, pat. Squeak, squeak.
Armor? What suit of armor?
Like, l think that empty spot in your
stomach has moved up to your head.
This is all l could find.
lt's not much, but we'll just
have a light snack.
Okay. Like, let's build.
First a little peanut butter to give us
a good foundation.
A little meat for a solid floor.
First story, cheese.
Second story. . . .
Then, like, repeat
for the next few floors.
And now for the attic.
Everything goes in the attic:
Salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup,
mayonnaise, pickles.
A banana. Hey, that's
a swell roof, Scoob.
Now, let's demolish them.
Hurry up and eat so you'll stop that.
-Did you get your snacks?
-No. We saw a ghost.
-Whose ghost?
-l don't know. Nobody.
A ghost can't be nobody.
lt has to be the ghost of somebody.
Like, it didn't have any face,
just pale yellow all over.
Moaning and groaning.
Shaggy, most people have nightmares
after eating too much.
You even get them
before eating too much.
Yikes. There it is again.
Don't run. Stand up to it.
You three look like you've seen a ghost.
-Yeah. We did.
-Twice.
Oh, no. l'm gonna hide in the closet.
lt's the ghost of the man
in the painting downstairs.
Captain Moody.
Beware. l have come back for revenge.
The guilty one must die.
Beware. l have come back for revenge.
Yipe!
You really think this will stop
the ghost, Freddy?
Yeah. Don't ghosts walk, like,
right through walls or anything?
There's different kinds of ghosts.
Some can go through walls,
and some have to use doors.
The ghost of Captain Moody
looks kind of solid to me.
Hey, look, here's a real scientific book
on ghosts and spooks.
You're not gonna read
at a time like this.
-Maybe it tells how to get rid of ghosts.
-A ghost is already dead.
-What else can you do to it?
-Make it vanish.
-Yike! lt's the ghost.
-And Freddy vanished.
The guilty one.
l want the guilty one.
-Freddy's back.
-And the ghost vanished.
-What happened, Freddy?
-All of a sudden. . .
. . .l was in the secret passageway.
But why did the ghost vanish
when l came back?
No real ghost wears a real wig.
You're right. And now that l think of it,
that ghost reminds me a lot of Phineas.
And Phineas reminds me of the butler.
And the butler reminds me of the maid.
And, like, they all remind me
we're trapped in a house of horrors.
The maid said to ring if we wanted
anything, and l want another look at her.
-You rang, sir?
-We wanted the maid.
You just jerk the bell, yeah?
-Wow, are you mixed up.
-You're not the maid or the butler.
All right. The little game is over.
Don Knotts.
Everybody back. Freeze.
Okay, this is it. l'm moving in.
-We're gonna blow this case wide open.
-What case?
-What's going on?
-Playing innocent, huh?
Well, it won't work. l've had my eye
on you ever since you got here.
You can't escape, and l'm holding
all of you till l get a confession.
Homer Pipsqueak,
world-famous private eye.
A detective.
Bulldog Pipsqueak, they call me
in the trade.
Because when l get my teeth
in a case, l never let go.
Then there wasn't any ghost.
lt was you.
All the people you met here tonight were
me, incredible master of 1 000 disguises.
l speak every known language.
Care to hear a little joke in Eskimo?
We'd like to hear how to get
out of here in English.
We're not Captain Moody's
nieces and nephews. Honest.
Don't say that. You'll explode
my whole brilliant theory.
l'll have to push the mental button
and switch to Operation Backup.
How does that work?
l back up and start all over again.
Takes sheer raw nerve.
While you're backing up,
can we please go ahead and leave?
-Nobody leaves till l solve the mystery.
-Like, what mystery?
Now, we're wasting time.
The guilty one might as well confess.
Sooner or later,
somebody's gonna crack.
Come on, kids. Cop out.
You're the captain's
nieces and nephews, aren't you?
No, we're not. Now, just take us
to Captain Moody. He'll tell you.
l can't. That's the mystery.
The captain's gone.
Disappeared, vanished into thin air.
And l gotta find him.
All right. We'll reconstruct the crime.
First, l got a desperate phone call
from Captain Moody.
He wanted my help.
Something evil was about to happen.
-Like what?
-Well, he started to tell me.
Said he invited his two nieces
and two nephews up here. . .
. . .for a big dinner this weekend.
Then we were cut off.
l smelled foul play and rushed right up.
And when you got here,
Captain Moody was gone.
That's it. Baffling case.
lt's what we call a habeas corpus
with no corpus delicti.
That's a little trade talk
we master sleuths use.
l guess you thought we were
the captain's nieces and nephews.
lt was a wild guess. l play every angle.
Never miss a trick.
Like, maybe the other kids
are coming tomorrow night.
Maybe. But l think one of them showed
up a day early, and zap, foul play.
Place is so riddled with secret doors
and tunnels, it's worse than termites.
Why do you suspect one of
the captain's nieces or nephews?
The old captain's worth millions.
Each kid inherits a fourth of the estate
when he dies. They're his only relatives.
Like, what are you looking for?
The captain. l may be able to save him
if l can get to him in time.
Do you think the captain's still here?
No sign of him being taken away.
No struggle.
There's an awful lot of house
and grounds to cover.
l could use help on this manhunt.
-Can we do anything?
-l warn you, this is a dangerous game.
Evil lurks around every corner.
-Well, then maybe we'd better--
-l accept your offer.
You're all officially on the case now.
Working with the world's
most famous private eye.
You two cover the old mine on the hill.
Search the shaft, the mill, everything.
You two cover the private cemetery.
lf we find the captain there, forget it.
That's an order. Spread out the dragnet.
All right, l got you covered. Turn around.
Feet apart. Hands up against the wall.
Oh, it's you.
Yeah, it's me.
You want an assignment too?
Well, let's see.
Maybe l got a little paperwork.
A bloodhound. Always wanted
to work with a bloodhound.
You think you can handle that?
Now, a good bloodhound has to be able
to follow a trail, you know.
And he's gotta stick to it like glue.
That's pretty good sticking.
Now, here's a little trade secret.
A top bloodhound sniffs something
the victim wore and gets his scent.
Captain Moody was wearing these socks
the day before he vanished.
Go to work.
That's the test that separates
the rookies from the pros.
Are you picking something up?
Attaboy. You're closing in on him now.
lt's full of the captain's socks.
You don't follow the smell of the socks.
You follow the smell of the man
who wore them.
You got it this time?
Why don't we join Freddy and Shaggy
at the old mine?
-Because we promised to help.
-There's nothing here.
Nothing l wanna meet, anyway.
Just the wind.
Just an owl?
Just follow me.
There's the old mine.
You search the mill, Shag,
and l'll check the mineshaft.
Yipes!
Why am l worried?
lt's only Mr. Pipsqueak in disguise again.
Like, wow. You sure scared me
for a minute.
You want me to go back to the house?
Why are you making
like that ghost again?
Well, anyway, l'm glad you showed up.
lt's spooky out here alone.
Oh, hi, Mr. Pipsqueak.
l'll be right back as soon as l. . .
. . .walk back to the house
with you and. . . .
Yike! Two ghosts.
Ghosts! Run!
Baffling case. Something sinister
at work here. Doesn't add up.
Like, there can't be two ghosts
of Captain Moody.
And they were driving us
away from the mine.
There's something there
they don't want us to find.
And Scooby was following
the captain's trail to the mine.
That's the answer. Let's all get back
there before the ghosts do.
l need two volunteers to go out
on the trestle and trick the ghosts.
Do l see any hands?
Oh, come on, squad.
Let's see some hands.
Okay, Scoob. Like, you gotta be a hero.
That's great.
You'll never live to regret this.
Another ghost!
-That-- That's the real Captain Moody.
-We've gotta get him out of there, quick.
Here come the ghosts!
My keen powers of deduction
were correct, as always.
These two nephews showed up early
and tried to do you harm.
Aye, that they did. But you showed up
before the rascals could finish the job.
And, like, we showed up
to really confuse things.
No, matey. You were a lighthouse
to a ship in distress.
Weren't you planning to have
a big feast?
Aye, but where those two are going,
they won't be having any banquets.
l kind of think this squad
could fill in nicely for them.
Aye, that's a roaring fine idea.
All hands to the mess hall,
and we'll feast.
Oh, boy, am l hungry.
Those two didn't have me fooled
for one minute.
You should've seen the expression
on Shaggy's face.
You'd think he'd seen a ghost.
What did you think of my disguises?
Pretty good, huh?
-Yeah.
-l got a million of them.
Remind me to show you
some more sometime.
Oh, we will.
Thanks for everything.
We'll be taking off now.
l'm the one who's grateful, matey, and
l wish you wouldn't haul anchor just yet.
We really have to go.
lf you could just tell us how to get
to the Pinecrest Lodge.
l wouldn't know, miss.
l haven't been off this place since
l retired from the sea over 20 years ago.
-Maybe the private eye can tell us.
-Pinecrest Lodge? Never heard of it.
My motto is, if it hasn't had
a crime there, l haven't been there.
lt's kind of a little zinger l throw in
now and then.
You mean, after all this,
we're still lost?
You'll never be lost.
You've got the smartest,
most natural-born sleuth here. . .
. . .l ever ran across
in my long and brilliant career.
He'll locate the trail and lead you
to that lodge in the true tradition. . .
. . .of all great bloodhounds.
He sniffed out the trail
that led to Captain Moody.
Good work, old Scooby-sniffer.
Scooby-slu-- Old Scooby-sleuth.
Scooby-Doo.
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