The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder (2022) s01e05 Episode Script
Snackland
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
OSCAR: Behold!
-Snackland!
-(KIDS SCREAMING)
-(CECE CHUCKLING)
-Ooh.
Why'd you call it "Snackland," Daddy?
(LAUGHS)
That's been somethin' I've been ponderin'
for many a night now, baby girl.
I took the one thing I was good at
and combined it with
the land on which we stand.
(LAUGHS) Then you should've named it
Nah, that's too easy.
OSCAR: Every ride is inspired by
one of the Proud Snacks.
And what have we here?
Snackland's official mascot,
slash-accountant, slash-churro maker,
Snacky Monkey.
Boy, any fool can see that
that ain't nobody but Mr. Chips.
Because he's out of uniform.
Snacky Monkey, put on 'em cheese puffs!
(SIGHS)
Aren't they great? And they're edible,
straight from the Proud family oven.
(GASPS AND GROANS)
-For human consumption only.
-SUGA MAMA: Oscar.
Exactly what snack is this
good lookin' ride based on, boy?
Oh, no snack, it's a recurring nightmare.
It's my pièce de résistance. (LAUGHS)
I call it, "Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom."
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
OSCAR: Unsuspecting rubes ride to the top
in green, decaying dentures,
where they're greeted
by a blast of halitosis.
Only to be dropped 839 feet,
faster than the speed of sound,
into a giant, minty-fresh
glass of Efferdent.
Anyone up for a test run? Suga Mama?
I think we should use a test dummy.
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
SUGA MAMA: Okay.
Let's see if you really did
invent something
that can go faster
than the speed of sound.
Suga Mama, no!
Don't touch that, Suga Mama!
(SCREAMS)
Trudy!
I'll get you (GRUNTING)
Smells like garlic and gingivitis!
And George Clinton's drawers.
(SCREAMS)
Doggone it! The boy did it.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
Trudy!
(SINGING)
The Proud Family What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin'
Every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you
More than anybody else
Every single day
That I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one
I love as much as you
-The family
-The family
Proud Family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family
A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family
Proud, proud family
Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(BOTH GIGGLING)
OSCAR: What in the "Proud Sacks?"
Who proofed this? BeBe? CeCe?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Trudy! Come and get your kids.
Hey, family.
-Oscar!
-No!
Bye, family.
Hold up, baby girl.
I need you to hand these Snackland flyers
out to your school friends.
What? "LPDZ?"
Ah-ha. That's right.
Your old singin' group.
You're doin' a reunion show.
-What (GROANS)
-(GRUNTING)
When did this all happen?
OSCAR: When my people
talked to your people.
My people?
(RINGING)
Oh. My baby brother misspelled "Snacks."
(SINGING) Who proofed this?
-BeBe.
-Oh.
Then this is pretty good.
No, it's not, Uncle Bobby.
Aside from the fact that LPDZ
is not together anymore,
we don't have wardrobe,
songs, a choreographer.
(SINGING) Sure, you're right
Sure, you're right
But we got Michael
Yes. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
You've got Michael, honey.
And I'm ready. Are you ready?
You've got big dreams.
Some of you got big heads,
but fame costs, and in this case,
it's $25 an hour.
(SINGING)
You're the one with the big dreams
I'll pay you 25 cents a day
Tops
Okay, ladies, come on, gather around.
I've written your next gold record.
What's this? I can't read music.
(SINGING) That's why you singin'
In the background, child
Want me to play my flute?
No, no, you stay on mute
I'm Cuter Than You?
In your wildest dreams, Proud.
Not only am I cuter,
but I'm a better singer than you.
-ZOEY: What?
-All right, all right.
Now, come on! Stop it, y'all,
with all the fightin'.
It's time to get to work.
Let's start with the hook.
Now, I'm gonna count it off.
Eeny, meeny, miny
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING)
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(GIRL IN DEEP VOICE) What can I do?
Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it, stop.
Somethin' just ain't right, y'all.
Sing, girl!
(SINGING) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(IN DEEP VOICE) What can I do?
-(EXCLAIMS)
-I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
Cuter than you
Hey, all right there, wild thing.
You sound just like Tone Loc.
I'm gonna need me some
Funky Cold Medina. Lord
PENNY: (IN DEEP VOICE)
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-(DOG WHINES)
Cuter than you, what can I do?
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
No, this is not cute at all.
-GIRL: (IN DEEP VOICE) No, it's not.
-What?
But it is what it is.
Maybe you can go on the oldies tour
with Young MC and the Dazz Band.
I got their beeper number.
-Who was that?
-Over here, in the mirror, knucklehead.
What?
Who are you?
I'm you, the Funky Cold Medina man.
You should be happy with this voice,
it took me to the top
of the entertainment world.
I mean, I was known near, far, and wide.
Never had to wait in line
to Wizard Kelly's 3 Flavors.
They gave me all three at once.
Yeah, well, that voice almost got me
kicked out of my group today.
-TRUDY: Penny.
-Uh-oh.
It's the HMIC. Gotta go, gotta go. See ya.
Who are you talkin' to, Penny?
Myself, I think.
-Mom, can I ask you a question?
-Sure, baby.
Is it natural
for a girl's voice to change?
Depends, why you asking?
Well, something happened
to my singing voice.
-I sound like Tone Loc, whoever that is.
-(CHUCKLES)
Well, you come by it honestly.
When I was your age,
my singing voice changed, too.
I went from sounding like
(SINGING)
Whoa, Minnie Riperton, yeah
to (DEEP VOICE) Barry White.
-Who?
-(IN NORMAL VOICE) Barry White!
(IN DEEP VOICE) Sho' You Right.
Whoa!
(IN NORMAL VOICE) But don't worry.
There's no way your voice could be
as bad as mine was.
(IN DEEP VOICE) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you, what can I do-ooh-ooh?
Yeah, you definitely
need to focus on school.
Maybe get your teacher some flowers.
(IN DEEP VOICE) Your mother's a hater.
She didn't sound nothin'
like no Minnie Riperton.
Minnie Pearl, maybe.
Just be you.
And if it happens to sound like me,
even better.
You gon' tear it up tomorrow night,
believe that.
(SINGING) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-(CLEARS THROAT)
Cuter than you
(DEEP VOICE) Cherry red
favorite color of my lipstick
I don't need to wear it
Switch colors like a stick shift
Y'all stink!
(CROWD BOOING)
Well, we definitely need to put more money
in Penny's college fund.
Yeah, I'd take them tonsils out.
ANNOUNCER: Have a great day at Snackland.
MICHAEL: Well, that was tragic.
But at least my outfits
and choreography were on point.
Yeah, but everything else
was pretty much out of control.
Where was everybody?
It doesn't matter, Kermit, time for you to
hop back to Sesame Street.
Okay, relax, LaCienega.
Look, girl, you're fine. Don't worry.
We'll get this together. It's a good thing
nobody showed up, right?
No, it ain't! Penny, did you hand out
those flyers like I told you to?
If people won't eat your nasty snacks,
what makes you think
they wanna ride in 'em?
One time, Mama, just one time,
can you support me?
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
Hey, buddy, where's your tickets?
Ha! We have to pay?
Uh, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Hold on there, my good man.
I'm sure we can work something out.
I'll give you $5 if you stay.
-Trudy!
-What?
You drive a hard bargain, sir.
CECE: You stink.
(BEBE LAUGHING)
(CHATTERING AND GRUNTING)
ANNOUNCER: Welcome aboard.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
ANNOUNCER: Goodbye.
(SCREAMS)
-Be sure to fasten your seat belt.
-What did you say?
(MAN COUGHS)
(SCREAMS)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
-CECE: No!
-(SCREAMS)
Okay, last one here goes to jail.
-ANNOUNCER: Thank you for riding.
-(SIREN WAILING)
I'm Vanessa Vue,
at the scene of a horrific accident at
the city's newest theme park, Snackland.
A father and son plunged 839 feet,
breaking the sound barrier.
Standing with me
is the owner, Oscar Proud.
What do you say about the rumors
that you're not licensed
to operate an amusement park?
Fake news! Here's my license.
That's your driver's license,
Mr. Proud, and it's expired.
(CHITTERING SOFTLY)
At the advice of my attorney,
I plead the second.
The glove don't fit, man.
Does this mean you're denying the rumors
that your children,
two-year-old, Benjamin Proud,
and two-year-old, Cecilia Proud,
were the ones operating the ride
at the time of the accident?
Balderdash! How could two-year-olds
operate heavy machinery like this?
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Bye-bye.
-You know what? This interview is over!
-CAMERAMAN: Hey, hey.
As is most likely my journalism career.
This has been Vanessa Vue,
live from Snackland. And seriously,
I probably will be
looking for another job.
They can't prove a thing.
It's not like they got it on film.
-(BEBE AND CECE GIGGLE)
-You know you're going to jail, right?
Well, it was good
while it lasted, Mr. Chips.
I would keep those if I were you.
You've got some hungry days ahead.
Come to think of it,
I've got some hungry days ahead.
-(SCREECHES AND GRUNTS)
-(OSCAR YELPS)
Look what you did, Mr. Chips.
That was gonna be my dinner.
What are you two doin' here?
You can't sue me,
I don't have any insurance.
Sue you?
Buddy, why would we do that?
No, we're back to ride
Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom again.
But you were almost killed.
It was epic. I peed myself.
I lost three teeth
and a part of my tongue. (CHUCKLES)
Sorry, gummy, I can't let you in
until we've fixed the ride.
Are you crazy? Don't change a thing.
We like 'em just the way they are.
-Am I right, guys?
-(CROWD AGREEING)
But the feds are gonna put me in jail.
We'll pay, buddy. Here, take my money,
get out of the way!
Snacky Monkey, we're back in business!
(LAUGHS)
Make sure everybody sign a waiver.
ANNOUNCER: Snackland,
the most dangerous place on Earth.
TRUDY: Never seen anything like this.
Why would people come to an amusement park
where they know they can
severely injure themselves?
Same reason why people have pet tigers.
Because danger brings excitement to
their boring, unfulfilled, pathetic lives.
Oh, you mean like your bored,
unfulfilled, pathetic life.
You know what, Suga Mother?
For the first time in my life,
there's not a daggone thing that you can
say to get under my skin, because I
Am the Snack Master!
Mmm-mmm.
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
BeBe, CeCe, what are you doin'?
-Speed this ride up!
-Oh-oh.
Safe? Who cares about safe?
Safe won't pay for your college tuition.
Or kindergarten!
(SCREAMING)
-Again!
-(SCREAMING)
Boy, you know you're going to jail.
Rich people don't go to jail.
They go to the bank!
(BOY SCREAMING)
ANNOUNCER: Keep your hands and arms
inside the Jalapeño-popper
Hey, guys, what's up?
Why didn't you tell me you were comin'?
I would've gotten you in for free.
(SINGING) Oh, we didn't have to pay
'Cause we perfomin' today
-Horns!
-We are?
Nobody told me, I gotta get ready.
LaCienega, you didn't tell her?
No, I wanted to maximize her humiliation.
(SIGHS) Penny, I'm sorry.
Sorry about what?
Well, Penny, since you went through that
voice change and all,
we were thinking maybe you
Proud, you sound like
a broken vacuum cleaner.
No cap, we had to replace you.
Yeah, LPDZ
is now LMDZ.
(SINGING)
Sorry, child, but it had to be
Really? It's like that?
Dijonay?
Girl, I was out-voted.
Translation, you were voted out, boo.
-Penny! Penny, I hope your friends paid
-BOY: Watch it, old man!
I hope your friends paid to get in.
What friends? I don't have any friends.
Splendid. In that case, it's time to make
it rain for my gain. Where the cash at?
(SINGING) Hold on, baby brother
We're here to perform, remember?
Oh, yeah, about that, girls.
I'm afraid I have some good news
and some great news.
(PLAYING FLUTE)
What's up, everybody?
ALL: Lizzo!
That's the good news,
-Lizzo's performin' today.
-Hey.
-And the great news is, you ain't.
-GIRLS: What?
Oh, it's just business, girls.
And by the way, big brother,
I stopped payment on that last check.
Oh, but I deposited it in
Mama's account already.
This day is gettin' better and better.
I hope she doesn't have
overdraft protection.
I hope you got over-hand right protection.
As a matter of fact, I do,
Suga Mama. Security!
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Please take out the trash.
-Let's go.
(SCREAMS) Let me go!
Oscar, I'm gonna get you!
Oscar, that's how you treat your mama?
That's not my mama,
that's an overzealous fan.
What are we celebrities to do?
(CHUCKLES) You know what I mean?
Come on, Lizzo, my dear,
let the Snack Master show you around.
Zang! What's the moral of this story?
Friends are forever?
Not really.
Hello?
LIZZO: (SINGING) Come in
Sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
but, um, where do you want me
to put these?
Over there, where I put the others,
and you can call me Lizzo.
Only your daddy gotta call me ma'am.
(LAUGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Buy your Proud Family Snack,
only $5.
Whoo-hoo!
Child, you look like me the night I found
out Karl-Anthony Towns had a girlfriend.
Come on, I know the truth hurts.
Talk to me, sis.
Okay.
When I was 13, I had my whole life
ahead of me. Then I turned 14,
a strange light came into my room,
my body, my voice changed.
Next thing I know, I'm kicked out of LPDZ,
my singing group that I started,
and now I'm runnin'
the Jalapeño-popper bumper car ride
in my daddy's amusement park,
then delivering nasty snacks nobody wants.
-(GASPS)
-Oh. Wait, your voice changed?
(IN DEEP VOICE) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
What can I do?
Oh, okay!
(CHUCKLES) You sound just like Tone Loc.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) That's what
everybody keeps telling me.
Who is he, anyway?
Someone who could not be stopped.
I don't know, Lizzo. People already threw
stuff at me when I was up on that stage.
I don't wanna go through that again.
Child, if I had a penny for every time
someone threw somethin' at me on stage,
-well, I guess it's why I'm rich.
-(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Anyways, all I'm sayin' is,
don't give up on your dreams.
You can't be afraid to be yourself.
You gotta be strong, Penny.
(SINGING) I do my hair toss
Check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feelin' good
Hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
-Feeling good
-(BOTH SCREAM)
Whoo, child, tired of the bullsh
Go on dust your shoulders off
Keep it movin'
Yes, Lord, tryna get some new
In there, swimwear, going to the pool
Come now, come dry your eyes
You know you a star, you can touch the sky
I know that it's hard but you have to try
If you need advice, let me simplify
If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine self out the door
I do my hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
Hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
Feeling good
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Whoo! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well, how do you feel now?
Like a boss!
And don't you forget it.
(CHITTERING)
Calm down, Snacky Monkey.
Can't you see I'm fleecin'?
I mean, workin'?
(CHITTERING)
Freddy Frito? Did she pay?
Of course, I didn't, but you will, Proud.
I've got a cease and desist!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is it contagious?
Security, get Frito out of here!
You stole my idea for Frito-Land!
(LAUGHS) Oh, me? I stole
Frito, you must be nuts.
Do you really think that the bank
would give me a loan to build all of this
if they thought I stole the idea?
(LAUGHS)
You out your mind!
Very impressive, Oscar.
So, you're gonna call it Frito-Land?
No, that's just a working title.
Security, get her out of here!
Let me go! I'll see you in court,
Oscar Proud!
Don't touch the snacks!
-Let me go!
-Uh Don't worry, folks.
Go back to puttin'
all your lives in jeopardy.
And all your money into my pocket.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Excuse me, Ms. Lizzo? I'm LaCienega.
I'm the "L" in "LMDZ."
Mmm-hmm. I heard of you.
Who hasn't? On behalf of me
and my background singers
ALL: Background?
If we had to lose a gig,
I'm glad we lost it to you. Ahhh!
Lizzo, my dear, I take it
everything is to your satisfaction?
Did your people receive a check I sent?
Yes, and now I'm leaving.
No, now you wait a minute, Lizzo.
This is bizzo.
I paid you that check to perfizzo.
Pah! Did you really think you can pay me
$500 to perform?
Five hundred? That was a typo.
It was supposed to be $50.
Fifty You know what?
It doesn't matter.
I only came for the rides anyway.
I would have paid you $500 to ride
that Suga Mama Drop-of-Doom.
You'll pay me more than that
if you don't get on stage. Believe that.
Penny, what are you doin'?
I wanted to see Lizzo.
Penny, I I'm not paying you to twerk.
I'm paying you to work.
Now, go do your job!
Yes, Snack Master.
Now, listen, Lizzo,
are you gettin' on that stage,
or do I have to put
my monkey on your back?
-Snacky Monkey!
-(GRUNTS)
Deathwish.
(THUDDING)
(GRUNTING)
Excuse me, madam,
but you're blocking the sun.
-(ROARS)
-Oops.
-CROWD: Lizzo! Lizzo! Lizzo!
-Relax, Oscar, I got you.
(CROWD CHEERING)
We love you, Lizzo!
Aw. I love y'all too.
But more importantly, love yourself.
Every day, you should wake up,
look in the mirror and say to yourself,
"I love you, I'm beautiful,
and I can do anything."
Let me hear it, y'all.
ALL: I love you, I'm beautiful,
I can do anything.
Yeah! (CHUCKLES)
And just for that,
I got a surprise for y'all today.
I wanna bring to the stage
my friends, LMDZ,
(GIRLS CHEER)
and their lead singer, Penny Proud!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Is she talkin' about me?
Get up there, baby.
You can do it.
Don't you move, Penny.
You'll clear out my park!
DW, please remove the Snack Master.
(GRUNTING)
-Trudy! I thought you loved me!
-(ROARS)
Trudy
(GROANS) Trudy
(CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING)
Oh.
(PLAYING PIANO)
(SINGING IN DEEP VOICE)
What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
Cherry red, favorite color of my lipstick
I don't need to wear it
Switch colors like a stick shift
I don't need to brag
I'm spicy like hot sauce
Yeah
Make you jump like Kris Kross
I look good, it ain't my fault
If I meet my match then I'mma light it
Light it
All my girl breaks necks
Ain't no surprises
Surprises
I don't come to play
-Game is sold separately
-Separately
You wanna be like me
you try so desperately
You see that what it look like
You see that
-I ain't even got to try it hard
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-Cuter than you
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(CROWD CHEERING)
See? I told you.
You can do anything you want.
Don't ever forget that, Penny.
I won't. Thank you, Lizzo.
Now, me and Deathwish
gotta find your daddy.
That $500 check bounced, girl.
(LAUGHS)
Hey.
Penny, you were amazing!
Girl, the crowd loved you! Go on ahead!
Yeah, your voice made
the song pippeta-pop, child.
Let's not go overboard. She was okay.
She was great,
and we owe you an apology, Penny.
We didn't have your back
like friends are supposed to.
Yeah, and we all sisters
in this man's world.
We gotta stick together.
Amen, sister!
So, what do you say, Penny? We still cool?
Like the other side of the pillow.
(LAUGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Come to Snackland again soon.
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
OSCAR: Behold!
-Snackland!
-(KIDS SCREAMING)
-(CECE CHUCKLING)
-Ooh.
Why'd you call it "Snackland," Daddy?
(LAUGHS)
That's been somethin' I've been ponderin'
for many a night now, baby girl.
I took the one thing I was good at
and combined it with
the land on which we stand.
(LAUGHS) Then you should've named it
Nah, that's too easy.
OSCAR: Every ride is inspired by
one of the Proud Snacks.
And what have we here?
Snackland's official mascot,
slash-accountant, slash-churro maker,
Snacky Monkey.
Boy, any fool can see that
that ain't nobody but Mr. Chips.
Because he's out of uniform.
Snacky Monkey, put on 'em cheese puffs!
(SIGHS)
Aren't they great? And they're edible,
straight from the Proud family oven.
(GASPS AND GROANS)
-For human consumption only.
-SUGA MAMA: Oscar.
Exactly what snack is this
good lookin' ride based on, boy?
Oh, no snack, it's a recurring nightmare.
It's my pièce de résistance. (LAUGHS)
I call it, "Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom."
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
OSCAR: Unsuspecting rubes ride to the top
in green, decaying dentures,
where they're greeted
by a blast of halitosis.
Only to be dropped 839 feet,
faster than the speed of sound,
into a giant, minty-fresh
glass of Efferdent.
Anyone up for a test run? Suga Mama?
I think we should use a test dummy.
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
SUGA MAMA: Okay.
Let's see if you really did
invent something
that can go faster
than the speed of sound.
Suga Mama, no!
Don't touch that, Suga Mama!
(SCREAMS)
Trudy!
I'll get you (GRUNTING)
Smells like garlic and gingivitis!
And George Clinton's drawers.
(SCREAMS)
Doggone it! The boy did it.
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
Trudy!
(SINGING)
The Proud Family What?
You and me will always be tight
Family every day and every night
Even when you start acting like a fool
You know that I'm lovin'
Every single thing you do
I know I can always be myself
When I'm with you
More than anybody else
Every single day
That I'm headed off to school
You know there's no one
I love as much as you
-The family
-The family
Proud Family
They'll make you scream!
They'll make you wanna sing!
It's a family thing, a family
A proud, proud family
Proud family
They'll push your buttons!
They'll make you wanna hug 'em
A family, family
Proud, proud family
Proud, proud family
(OSCAR SCREAMS)
(BOTH GIGGLING)
OSCAR: What in the "Proud Sacks?"
Who proofed this? BeBe? CeCe?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
-(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Trudy! Come and get your kids.
Hey, family.
-Oscar!
-No!
Bye, family.
Hold up, baby girl.
I need you to hand these Snackland flyers
out to your school friends.
What? "LPDZ?"
Ah-ha. That's right.
Your old singin' group.
You're doin' a reunion show.
-What (GROANS)
-(GRUNTING)
When did this all happen?
OSCAR: When my people
talked to your people.
My people?
(RINGING)
Oh. My baby brother misspelled "Snacks."
(SINGING) Who proofed this?
-BeBe.
-Oh.
Then this is pretty good.
No, it's not, Uncle Bobby.
Aside from the fact that LPDZ
is not together anymore,
we don't have wardrobe,
songs, a choreographer.
(SINGING) Sure, you're right
Sure, you're right
But we got Michael
Yes. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
You've got Michael, honey.
And I'm ready. Are you ready?
You've got big dreams.
Some of you got big heads,
but fame costs, and in this case,
it's $25 an hour.
(SINGING)
You're the one with the big dreams
I'll pay you 25 cents a day
Tops
Okay, ladies, come on, gather around.
I've written your next gold record.
What's this? I can't read music.
(SINGING) That's why you singin'
In the background, child
Want me to play my flute?
No, no, you stay on mute
I'm Cuter Than You?
In your wildest dreams, Proud.
Not only am I cuter,
but I'm a better singer than you.
-ZOEY: What?
-All right, all right.
Now, come on! Stop it, y'all,
with all the fightin'.
It's time to get to work.
Let's start with the hook.
Now, I'm gonna count it off.
Eeny, meeny, miny
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING)
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(GIRL IN DEEP VOICE) What can I do?
Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it, stop.
Somethin' just ain't right, y'all.
Sing, girl!
(SINGING) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(IN DEEP VOICE) What can I do?
-(EXCLAIMS)
-I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
Cuter than you
Hey, all right there, wild thing.
You sound just like Tone Loc.
I'm gonna need me some
Funky Cold Medina. Lord
PENNY: (IN DEEP VOICE)
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-(DOG WHINES)
Cuter than you, what can I do?
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
No, this is not cute at all.
-GIRL: (IN DEEP VOICE) No, it's not.
-What?
But it is what it is.
Maybe you can go on the oldies tour
with Young MC and the Dazz Band.
I got their beeper number.
-Who was that?
-Over here, in the mirror, knucklehead.
What?
Who are you?
I'm you, the Funky Cold Medina man.
You should be happy with this voice,
it took me to the top
of the entertainment world.
I mean, I was known near, far, and wide.
Never had to wait in line
to Wizard Kelly's 3 Flavors.
They gave me all three at once.
Yeah, well, that voice almost got me
kicked out of my group today.
-TRUDY: Penny.
-Uh-oh.
It's the HMIC. Gotta go, gotta go. See ya.
Who are you talkin' to, Penny?
Myself, I think.
-Mom, can I ask you a question?
-Sure, baby.
Is it natural
for a girl's voice to change?
Depends, why you asking?
Well, something happened
to my singing voice.
-I sound like Tone Loc, whoever that is.
-(CHUCKLES)
Well, you come by it honestly.
When I was your age,
my singing voice changed, too.
I went from sounding like
(SINGING)
Whoa, Minnie Riperton, yeah
to (DEEP VOICE) Barry White.
-Who?
-(IN NORMAL VOICE) Barry White!
(IN DEEP VOICE) Sho' You Right.
Whoa!
(IN NORMAL VOICE) But don't worry.
There's no way your voice could be
as bad as mine was.
(IN DEEP VOICE) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you, what can I do-ooh-ooh?
Yeah, you definitely
need to focus on school.
Maybe get your teacher some flowers.
(IN DEEP VOICE) Your mother's a hater.
She didn't sound nothin'
like no Minnie Riperton.
Minnie Pearl, maybe.
Just be you.
And if it happens to sound like me,
even better.
You gon' tear it up tomorrow night,
believe that.
(SINGING) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-(CLEARS THROAT)
Cuter than you
(DEEP VOICE) Cherry red
favorite color of my lipstick
I don't need to wear it
Switch colors like a stick shift
Y'all stink!
(CROWD BOOING)
Well, we definitely need to put more money
in Penny's college fund.
Yeah, I'd take them tonsils out.
ANNOUNCER: Have a great day at Snackland.
MICHAEL: Well, that was tragic.
But at least my outfits
and choreography were on point.
Yeah, but everything else
was pretty much out of control.
Where was everybody?
It doesn't matter, Kermit, time for you to
hop back to Sesame Street.
Okay, relax, LaCienega.
Look, girl, you're fine. Don't worry.
We'll get this together. It's a good thing
nobody showed up, right?
No, it ain't! Penny, did you hand out
those flyers like I told you to?
If people won't eat your nasty snacks,
what makes you think
they wanna ride in 'em?
One time, Mama, just one time,
can you support me?
ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom.
Hey, buddy, where's your tickets?
Ha! We have to pay?
Uh, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Hold on there, my good man.
I'm sure we can work something out.
I'll give you $5 if you stay.
-Trudy!
-What?
You drive a hard bargain, sir.
CECE: You stink.
(BEBE LAUGHING)
(CHATTERING AND GRUNTING)
ANNOUNCER: Welcome aboard.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
ANNOUNCER: Goodbye.
(SCREAMS)
-Be sure to fasten your seat belt.
-What did you say?
(MAN COUGHS)
(SCREAMS)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
-CECE: No!
-(SCREAMS)
Okay, last one here goes to jail.
-ANNOUNCER: Thank you for riding.
-(SIREN WAILING)
I'm Vanessa Vue,
at the scene of a horrific accident at
the city's newest theme park, Snackland.
A father and son plunged 839 feet,
breaking the sound barrier.
Standing with me
is the owner, Oscar Proud.
What do you say about the rumors
that you're not licensed
to operate an amusement park?
Fake news! Here's my license.
That's your driver's license,
Mr. Proud, and it's expired.
(CHITTERING SOFTLY)
At the advice of my attorney,
I plead the second.
The glove don't fit, man.
Does this mean you're denying the rumors
that your children,
two-year-old, Benjamin Proud,
and two-year-old, Cecilia Proud,
were the ones operating the ride
at the time of the accident?
Balderdash! How could two-year-olds
operate heavy machinery like this?
(BOTH GIGGLING)
Bye-bye.
-You know what? This interview is over!
-CAMERAMAN: Hey, hey.
As is most likely my journalism career.
This has been Vanessa Vue,
live from Snackland. And seriously,
I probably will be
looking for another job.
They can't prove a thing.
It's not like they got it on film.
-(BEBE AND CECE GIGGLE)
-You know you're going to jail, right?
Well, it was good
while it lasted, Mr. Chips.
I would keep those if I were you.
You've got some hungry days ahead.
Come to think of it,
I've got some hungry days ahead.
-(SCREECHES AND GRUNTS)
-(OSCAR YELPS)
Look what you did, Mr. Chips.
That was gonna be my dinner.
What are you two doin' here?
You can't sue me,
I don't have any insurance.
Sue you?
Buddy, why would we do that?
No, we're back to ride
Suga Mama's Drop-of-Doom again.
But you were almost killed.
It was epic. I peed myself.
I lost three teeth
and a part of my tongue. (CHUCKLES)
Sorry, gummy, I can't let you in
until we've fixed the ride.
Are you crazy? Don't change a thing.
We like 'em just the way they are.
-Am I right, guys?
-(CROWD AGREEING)
But the feds are gonna put me in jail.
We'll pay, buddy. Here, take my money,
get out of the way!
Snacky Monkey, we're back in business!
(LAUGHS)
Make sure everybody sign a waiver.
ANNOUNCER: Snackland,
the most dangerous place on Earth.
TRUDY: Never seen anything like this.
Why would people come to an amusement park
where they know they can
severely injure themselves?
Same reason why people have pet tigers.
Because danger brings excitement to
their boring, unfulfilled, pathetic lives.
Oh, you mean like your bored,
unfulfilled, pathetic life.
You know what, Suga Mother?
For the first time in my life,
there's not a daggone thing that you can
say to get under my skin, because I
Am the Snack Master!
Mmm-mmm.
(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
BeBe, CeCe, what are you doin'?
-Speed this ride up!
-Oh-oh.
Safe? Who cares about safe?
Safe won't pay for your college tuition.
Or kindergarten!
(SCREAMING)
-Again!
-(SCREAMING)
Boy, you know you're going to jail.
Rich people don't go to jail.
They go to the bank!
(BOY SCREAMING)
ANNOUNCER: Keep your hands and arms
inside the Jalapeño-popper
Hey, guys, what's up?
Why didn't you tell me you were comin'?
I would've gotten you in for free.
(SINGING) Oh, we didn't have to pay
'Cause we perfomin' today
-Horns!
-We are?
Nobody told me, I gotta get ready.
LaCienega, you didn't tell her?
No, I wanted to maximize her humiliation.
(SIGHS) Penny, I'm sorry.
Sorry about what?
Well, Penny, since you went through that
voice change and all,
we were thinking maybe you
Proud, you sound like
a broken vacuum cleaner.
No cap, we had to replace you.
Yeah, LPDZ
is now LMDZ.
(SINGING)
Sorry, child, but it had to be
Really? It's like that?
Dijonay?
Girl, I was out-voted.
Translation, you were voted out, boo.
-Penny! Penny, I hope your friends paid
-BOY: Watch it, old man!
I hope your friends paid to get in.
What friends? I don't have any friends.
Splendid. In that case, it's time to make
it rain for my gain. Where the cash at?
(SINGING) Hold on, baby brother
We're here to perform, remember?
Oh, yeah, about that, girls.
I'm afraid I have some good news
and some great news.
(PLAYING FLUTE)
What's up, everybody?
ALL: Lizzo!
That's the good news,
-Lizzo's performin' today.
-Hey.
-And the great news is, you ain't.
-GIRLS: What?
Oh, it's just business, girls.
And by the way, big brother,
I stopped payment on that last check.
Oh, but I deposited it in
Mama's account already.
This day is gettin' better and better.
I hope she doesn't have
overdraft protection.
I hope you got over-hand right protection.
As a matter of fact, I do,
Suga Mama. Security!
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
-Please take out the trash.
-Let's go.
(SCREAMS) Let me go!
Oscar, I'm gonna get you!
Oscar, that's how you treat your mama?
That's not my mama,
that's an overzealous fan.
What are we celebrities to do?
(CHUCKLES) You know what I mean?
Come on, Lizzo, my dear,
let the Snack Master show you around.
Zang! What's the moral of this story?
Friends are forever?
Not really.
Hello?
LIZZO: (SINGING) Come in
Sorry to disturb you, ma'am,
but, um, where do you want me
to put these?
Over there, where I put the others,
and you can call me Lizzo.
Only your daddy gotta call me ma'am.
(LAUGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Buy your Proud Family Snack,
only $5.
Whoo-hoo!
Child, you look like me the night I found
out Karl-Anthony Towns had a girlfriend.
Come on, I know the truth hurts.
Talk to me, sis.
Okay.
When I was 13, I had my whole life
ahead of me. Then I turned 14,
a strange light came into my room,
my body, my voice changed.
Next thing I know, I'm kicked out of LPDZ,
my singing group that I started,
and now I'm runnin'
the Jalapeño-popper bumper car ride
in my daddy's amusement park,
then delivering nasty snacks nobody wants.
-(GASPS)
-Oh. Wait, your voice changed?
(IN DEEP VOICE) I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
What can I do?
Oh, okay!
(CHUCKLES) You sound just like Tone Loc.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) That's what
everybody keeps telling me.
Who is he, anyway?
Someone who could not be stopped.
I don't know, Lizzo. People already threw
stuff at me when I was up on that stage.
I don't wanna go through that again.
Child, if I had a penny for every time
someone threw somethin' at me on stage,
-well, I guess it's why I'm rich.
-(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Anyways, all I'm sayin' is,
don't give up on your dreams.
You can't be afraid to be yourself.
You gotta be strong, Penny.
(SINGING) I do my hair toss
Check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feelin' good
Hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
-Feeling good
-(BOTH SCREAM)
Whoo, child, tired of the bullsh
Go on dust your shoulders off
Keep it movin'
Yes, Lord, tryna get some new
In there, swimwear, going to the pool
Come now, come dry your eyes
You know you a star, you can touch the sky
I know that it's hard but you have to try
If you need advice, let me simplify
If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine self out the door
I do my hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
Hair toss, check my nails
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
Feeling good
Baby, how you feelin'?
Feeling good
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Whoo! (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well, how do you feel now?
Like a boss!
And don't you forget it.
(CHITTERING)
Calm down, Snacky Monkey.
Can't you see I'm fleecin'?
I mean, workin'?
(CHITTERING)
Freddy Frito? Did she pay?
Of course, I didn't, but you will, Proud.
I've got a cease and desist!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is it contagious?
Security, get Frito out of here!
You stole my idea for Frito-Land!
(LAUGHS) Oh, me? I stole
Frito, you must be nuts.
Do you really think that the bank
would give me a loan to build all of this
if they thought I stole the idea?
(LAUGHS)
You out your mind!
Very impressive, Oscar.
So, you're gonna call it Frito-Land?
No, that's just a working title.
Security, get her out of here!
Let me go! I'll see you in court,
Oscar Proud!
Don't touch the snacks!
-Let me go!
-Uh Don't worry, folks.
Go back to puttin'
all your lives in jeopardy.
And all your money into my pocket.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Excuse me, Ms. Lizzo? I'm LaCienega.
I'm the "L" in "LMDZ."
Mmm-hmm. I heard of you.
Who hasn't? On behalf of me
and my background singers
ALL: Background?
If we had to lose a gig,
I'm glad we lost it to you. Ahhh!
Lizzo, my dear, I take it
everything is to your satisfaction?
Did your people receive a check I sent?
Yes, and now I'm leaving.
No, now you wait a minute, Lizzo.
This is bizzo.
I paid you that check to perfizzo.
Pah! Did you really think you can pay me
$500 to perform?
Five hundred? That was a typo.
It was supposed to be $50.
Fifty You know what?
It doesn't matter.
I only came for the rides anyway.
I would have paid you $500 to ride
that Suga Mama Drop-of-Doom.
You'll pay me more than that
if you don't get on stage. Believe that.
Penny, what are you doin'?
I wanted to see Lizzo.
Penny, I I'm not paying you to twerk.
I'm paying you to work.
Now, go do your job!
Yes, Snack Master.
Now, listen, Lizzo,
are you gettin' on that stage,
or do I have to put
my monkey on your back?
-Snacky Monkey!
-(GRUNTS)
Deathwish.
(THUDDING)
(GRUNTING)
Excuse me, madam,
but you're blocking the sun.
-(ROARS)
-Oops.
-CROWD: Lizzo! Lizzo! Lizzo!
-Relax, Oscar, I got you.
(CROWD CHEERING)
We love you, Lizzo!
Aw. I love y'all too.
But more importantly, love yourself.
Every day, you should wake up,
look in the mirror and say to yourself,
"I love you, I'm beautiful,
and I can do anything."
Let me hear it, y'all.
ALL: I love you, I'm beautiful,
I can do anything.
Yeah! (CHUCKLES)
And just for that,
I got a surprise for y'all today.
I wanna bring to the stage
my friends, LMDZ,
(GIRLS CHEER)
and their lead singer, Penny Proud!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Is she talkin' about me?
Get up there, baby.
You can do it.
Don't you move, Penny.
You'll clear out my park!
DW, please remove the Snack Master.
(GRUNTING)
-Trudy! I thought you loved me!
-(ROARS)
Trudy
(GROANS) Trudy
(CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING)
Oh.
(PLAYING PIANO)
(SINGING IN DEEP VOICE)
What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
Cherry red, favorite color of my lipstick
I don't need to wear it
Switch colors like a stick shift
I don't need to brag
I'm spicy like hot sauce
Yeah
Make you jump like Kris Kross
I look good, it ain't my fault
If I meet my match then I'mma light it
Light it
All my girl breaks necks
Ain't no surprises
Surprises
I don't come to play
-Game is sold separately
-Separately
You wanna be like me
you try so desperately
You see that what it look like
You see that
-I ain't even got to try it hard
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-What can I do?
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than you
-Cuter than you
I'm cuter than you
-Cuter than who?
-Cuter than who?
Cuter than you
(CROWD CHEERING)
See? I told you.
You can do anything you want.
Don't ever forget that, Penny.
I won't. Thank you, Lizzo.
Now, me and Deathwish
gotta find your daddy.
That $500 check bounced, girl.
(LAUGHS)
Hey.
Penny, you were amazing!
Girl, the crowd loved you! Go on ahead!
Yeah, your voice made
the song pippeta-pop, child.
Let's not go overboard. She was okay.
She was great,
and we owe you an apology, Penny.
We didn't have your back
like friends are supposed to.
Yeah, and we all sisters
in this man's world.
We gotta stick together.
Amen, sister!
So, what do you say, Penny? We still cool?
Like the other side of the pillow.
(LAUGHS)
ANNOUNCER: Come to Snackland again soon.
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)