The Ren and Stimpy Show s01e05 Episode Script
Marooned / Untamed World
1 Oh, joy ! Hey, Ren, it's commander Hoek and Stimpy ! Happy happy happy ! Joy joy joy ! My favorite live-Action drama.
Don't let it start ! Don't let it start ! Roger, a-okay, activate-- ( announcer on Tv ) All systems go ! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Blast off to adventure in the amazing year 400 billion with Commander Hoek and his faithful companion Cadet Stimpy, as they roam the endless, uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic they throttle the imagination ! Prepare to surge to sublight speed.
( wailing alarm ) En gage.
( creaking ) ( screaming ) Yes, join us as Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy probe the spaceways in the name of interplanetary justice ! These selfless men are dedicated to ensuring the freedom of Americans yet to be born ! Okay, spade cadets, prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode ! ( soaring whistle ) ( clanking metal ) ( creaking ) Man, it's a good thing that planet was there or we never would have stopped.
We'd better call space command.
( rattling ) Calling space command, come in, do you read ? ( man on radio ) No, sir.
I didn't like it.
Aw, cripes ! Well, that's it.
Our space time disrupter is melted.
So we can't leave on our own power, and it could be centuries before another ship violates this sector.
We are marooned ! Just like the title of this cartoon.
( growls ) Well, there's no use crying over spilled mitochondria.
I'm afraid this is a test of survival.
Survival ? Science officer Stimpy to the rescue.
Look, captain, I brought my trusty space cadet handbook.
It tells you everything you need to know about survival.
The space cadet handbook.
Of course ! Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me.
They don't call me stupid for nothing.
So, uh, let's scout around.
You fool ! We can't just wander around like ee-diots ! We'd better see what the prime directive says about alien worlds.
The prime directive ! It says to "scout around.
" Great, let's go.
Man, we've been scouting for weeks.
I am starved.
What are we gonna do about food ? Hey, get the space cadet handbook.
I can do it.
Joy ! Read it, numbskull, don't eat it ! Well, what does it say ? It says we better perform some test before eating any indigenous flora.
( electronic beeps ) Hmm, interesting.
( beeping faster ) Well, I'll be.
( rapid beeping ) ( belches ) Well, did you find anything out ? Did I ? You bet ! This thing makes the coolest noises.
( high-pitched screeching ) ( dog howls ) ( air leaking ) ( rubber stretching ) Stimpy, where's my dinner ? What are we having ? Space cabbage.
Is it stinky ? Just how you like it.
Whoo-whoo-whoo- whoo-Whoo-whoo ! ( gurgling ) Now that's what I call a head of cabbage.
Stimpy, my boy, I misjudged you.
You're okay in my book.
( roars ) Ye-ouch ! ( glass shattering ) ( bowling pins falling ) ( yawns ) Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring ) ( snoring ) Oh, my ! Hey, Ren, wake up ! The moon is out, come see it.
Aw, come on, Ren, wake up and see the moon.
It's beautiful ! Are you nuts ? What ?! I was just dozing off.
All right, all right, where's this moon ? ( thud ) Ye-Ouch ! ( growls ) That ought to stop your hijinks.
( snoring ) ( knocking ) Hey, Stimpy, go answer the flap.
( snoring ) ( knocks on door ) Who the he-- aah ! ( coyote howling ) Hello.
Can you spare a cup of protoplasm, huh ? Eee ! ( coyote howling ) Oh, baby I love you.
What ?! Help ! Let me go ! Ren, I'll save ya ! ( squishing ) ( chattering ) ( chirping ) Oh, captain Hoek, what ever shall we do ? The book, Stimpy, the book ! The book ? The book ! Yes, the book ! Well, what's it say ? It says we're doomed.
Give me that ! ( aliens laughing ) Let's play house.
We'll be mommies and you be the baby.
No ! Have some tea.
( maniacal laughing ) Golly, I wish we had a nice little brother.
( fairy ) Your wish is my command.
( both ) It's my little brother doll ! I can dress him funny and put dirt in his hair.
I'll do something wrong and blame it on him.
And when we pull his string, he talks to us.
( recorder voice ) I did it.
( announcer ) Yes, it's new.
It's my little brother.
You're the best sister in the world.
It's time for ask Dr.
Stupid with your host, Dr.
Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter from Joe bob henry Jed, from deer creek falls, cornwa.
And he asks, "dear Dr.
Stupid "how come some camels have one hump and others got two ?" That's a very good question uh, Joe mark bob Joe henry bob I'd better put on my patented, water-resistant stupomotron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
( horn honks ) Well, Joe, this is where gasoline comes from.
One hump for regular and two for premium and unleaded ? Thank you, Dr.
Stupid.
What ? Hey ! Tune in next time for ask Dr.
Stupid.
( man screams ) ( electronically distorted ) At last I have control of your Tv set.
Are you receiving me ? Welcome to our secret headquarters.
Thousands of miles below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool ! How do we know we can trust them ? We could make them take the oath.
Perfect, the oath ! Put your hand on the Tv screen and repeat after me: I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren & Stimpy show to make under-leg noises during the good scenes, to wear unwashed lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life ! That's it ! You're in our secret club.
All right, Stimpy, they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations-- shut up and show them.
I'm showing 'em, I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids, it's time for a secret cartoon !
Don't let it start ! Don't let it start ! Roger, a-okay, activate-- ( announcer on Tv ) All systems go ! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Blast off to adventure in the amazing year 400 billion with Commander Hoek and his faithful companion Cadet Stimpy, as they roam the endless, uncharted regions of space at speeds so fantastic they throttle the imagination ! Prepare to surge to sublight speed.
( wailing alarm ) En gage.
( creaking ) ( screaming ) Yes, join us as Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy probe the spaceways in the name of interplanetary justice ! These selfless men are dedicated to ensuring the freedom of Americans yet to be born ! Okay, spade cadets, prepare to hurtle through the cosmos in today's turgid episode ! ( soaring whistle ) ( clanking metal ) ( creaking ) Man, it's a good thing that planet was there or we never would have stopped.
We'd better call space command.
( rattling ) Calling space command, come in, do you read ? ( man on radio ) No, sir.
I didn't like it.
Aw, cripes ! Well, that's it.
Our space time disrupter is melted.
So we can't leave on our own power, and it could be centuries before another ship violates this sector.
We are marooned ! Just like the title of this cartoon.
( growls ) Well, there's no use crying over spilled mitochondria.
I'm afraid this is a test of survival.
Survival ? Science officer Stimpy to the rescue.
Look, captain, I brought my trusty space cadet handbook.
It tells you everything you need to know about survival.
The space cadet handbook.
Of course ! Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me.
They don't call me stupid for nothing.
So, uh, let's scout around.
You fool ! We can't just wander around like ee-diots ! We'd better see what the prime directive says about alien worlds.
The prime directive ! It says to "scout around.
" Great, let's go.
Man, we've been scouting for weeks.
I am starved.
What are we gonna do about food ? Hey, get the space cadet handbook.
I can do it.
Joy ! Read it, numbskull, don't eat it ! Well, what does it say ? It says we better perform some test before eating any indigenous flora.
( electronic beeps ) Hmm, interesting.
( beeping faster ) Well, I'll be.
( rapid beeping ) ( belches ) Well, did you find anything out ? Did I ? You bet ! This thing makes the coolest noises.
( high-pitched screeching ) ( dog howls ) ( air leaking ) ( rubber stretching ) Stimpy, where's my dinner ? What are we having ? Space cabbage.
Is it stinky ? Just how you like it.
Whoo-whoo-whoo- whoo-Whoo-whoo ! ( gurgling ) Now that's what I call a head of cabbage.
Stimpy, my boy, I misjudged you.
You're okay in my book.
( roars ) Ye-ouch ! ( glass shattering ) ( bowling pins falling ) ( yawns ) Good night, Stimpy.
Good night, Ren.
( snoring ) ( snoring ) Oh, my ! Hey, Ren, wake up ! The moon is out, come see it.
Aw, come on, Ren, wake up and see the moon.
It's beautiful ! Are you nuts ? What ?! I was just dozing off.
All right, all right, where's this moon ? ( thud ) Ye-Ouch ! ( growls ) That ought to stop your hijinks.
( snoring ) ( knocking ) Hey, Stimpy, go answer the flap.
( snoring ) ( knocks on door ) Who the he-- aah ! ( coyote howling ) Hello.
Can you spare a cup of protoplasm, huh ? Eee ! ( coyote howling ) Oh, baby I love you.
What ?! Help ! Let me go ! Ren, I'll save ya ! ( squishing ) ( chattering ) ( chirping ) Oh, captain Hoek, what ever shall we do ? The book, Stimpy, the book ! The book ? The book ! Yes, the book ! Well, what's it say ? It says we're doomed.
Give me that ! ( aliens laughing ) Let's play house.
We'll be mommies and you be the baby.
No ! Have some tea.
( maniacal laughing ) Golly, I wish we had a nice little brother.
( fairy ) Your wish is my command.
( both ) It's my little brother doll ! I can dress him funny and put dirt in his hair.
I'll do something wrong and blame it on him.
And when we pull his string, he talks to us.
( recorder voice ) I did it.
( announcer ) Yes, it's new.
It's my little brother.
You're the best sister in the world.
It's time for ask Dr.
Stupid with your host, Dr.
Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter from Joe bob henry Jed, from deer creek falls, cornwa.
And he asks, "dear Dr.
Stupid "how come some camels have one hump and others got two ?" That's a very good question uh, Joe mark bob Joe henry bob I'd better put on my patented, water-resistant stupomotron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
( horn honks ) Well, Joe, this is where gasoline comes from.
One hump for regular and two for premium and unleaded ? Thank you, Dr.
Stupid.
What ? Hey ! Tune in next time for ask Dr.
Stupid.
( man screams ) ( electronically distorted ) At last I have control of your Tv set.
Are you receiving me ? Welcome to our secret headquarters.
Thousands of miles below the earth's crust.
Shut up, you fool ! How do we know we can trust them ? We could make them take the oath.
Perfect, the oath ! Put your hand on the Tv screen and repeat after me: I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren & Stimpy show to make under-leg noises during the good scenes, to wear unwashed lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life ! That's it ! You're in our secret club.
All right, Stimpy, they're okay.
Show them the stuff.
Uh, congratulations-- shut up and show them.
I'm showing 'em, I'm showing 'em.
Okay, kids, it's time for a secret cartoon !