The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (2024) s01e05 Episode Script

1
[Sleech] Okay, Vlam,
we can't be with you,
but we have complete faith
in you.
All you need to do now is
attach the ophthalmic artery
to the vorticose vein.
- Ha ha! Done.
- Yes!
Now just slap that eye
on the scanner.
[Klak] How'd you get
Flork's eye?
[Sleech] The cloning machine.
[Klak] Yeah, but how'd
you get the DNA?
That's between me
and Flork's eye.
- Sleech!
- Do you want to know if we're in the running
to take over as Chief Surgeon
on their day off or not?
Your reviews, Doctors.
[gasps] Oh, yes.
Ooh! My review says
I follow protocol
in an excellent,
impressive manner,
and that I should work
on my self-confidence.
Ah. I knew there was something
wrong with me. [chuckles]
Mine says, "brilliant,
excellent." Blah, blah.
"Innovative.
Can be controlling."
Can be controlling?!
I mean, you do tend to
get a little
Don't worry.
I know just how to control
my way out of this.
Ah, just old Sleech
bringing you beef sturgeon.
Sleech. Beef sturgeon.
Beef sturgeon Sleech!
[Flork 2] C-L-H.
[scoffs] Someone stole my eye.
[laughs]
- [Muzak playing]
- [humming]
[Sleech] Chief Surgeon Sleech.
Chief Surgeon Sleech.
[chuckles nervously]
♪
[lively chatter]
Now, as you know,
we'll be gone on our
long-awaited day off.
While we're away wasting time
Oh, getting a little R & R.
[chuckles] Yes.
The temporary Chief Surgeon
will be
Dr. Sleech. Ew!
Did I just say Dr. Sleech?
That would be a disaster.
Or would it be an
opportunity for growth?
- Whoa, whoa. [stammers]
- Okay, you heard the go-getter.
Flork, we're going.
We take one day off a year.
I have to be in all your
icky surgeries,
and it's my body, too. Bye.
[singsongy] Forgive me.
[laughs]
You mind-controlled them.
I succeeded in making them
my pawns.
I think I'm afraid of you.
[gasps] Thank you.
[TV reporter]flocked to
board this cruise,
which the galaxy is watching
with
I infused the Choco-Bones
with prenatals,
since they're all
Larvin will eat.
Nice.
♪
[Sleech] Make way
for Chief Surgeon.
[Tup] Temporary Chief Surgeon.
Get a face. [gasps]
Vlam, could you note
that Bognoth isn't looking at me
- with due deference?
- Ugh.
It's not my fault I have
"resting CEO face."
Since you broke up with
Azel, I had Vlam gather
- your favorite reading for when you're sad.
- [gasps]
[singsongy] Advanced
medical textbooks.
I won't be needing them
because this time I'm not sad.
I'm using this Azel breakup to
motivate me. [laughs]
But I will hold on to The
Proboscis: A Nasal Adventure.
I pined after my 12th wife
for decades,
even though I knew
she was a dream implanted
by hallucinogenic sea sponges
who had kidnapped me.
To fully heal, I left the sea.
To fully heal, I ordered
an outfit.
I'm going to be a new Klak,
ready for life and love
after just 7,642 simple tasks
that will make me into
someone lovable.
I intend to become whole
in mind, body and spirit.
And then, in two Ergulon
Rotations,
I'll be ready for
a relationship.
Nurse Tup, get that Cloud
patient back on a hard drive.
Yes, my lord.
Right away, my king.
Now to get the peons
under control.
[chuckles]
♪
[sighs]
[warning buzzer sounding]
[buzzing rapidly]
Can you believe I'm so good
at being Chief Surgeon
that I even have time
for a sex break?
Call me Chief Surgeon Sleech.
You know, I have been
sensing that the staff is upset
about how you micromanage.
I don't micromanage.
Grip my arm a little harder with
your left and woodpecker my tail
with your beak as you crow.
[stammers] You know what,
I'll just do it. [squealing]
What? I simply treat others
as I treat myself.
Constant criticism until
perfection is attained.
You can't just let people be
who they are.
They'll disappoint you.
Because we're dating,
I will refrain from saying
everything I see wrong
with this situation
Chief Surgeon Sleech.
[slurping, moaning]
[squealing]
- Window man!
- Window man!
Black hole accident.
All doctors report immediately.
And window cleaners.
[panicked chatter]
[screaming]
I'm gonna need you to
cooperate and stop bleeding.
[panting, groaning]
Bognoth, why don't you use
those surgeon's hands
to call the Florks again?
I mean, did they tell anyone
where they were going
on their day off?
'Cause I'd like to join them.
[tranquil music playing]
I would love more Inside Fish.
Yes.
Thank you. Wow! Ooh, wow!
[panicked chatter]
Nurse Tup, get all
critical patients to Orb 2,
and send anyone who's not
stretched, split
or disintegrating to the amateur
circus over at Orb 1.
All the critical patients?
Because I've got a game plan
that incorporates
all of our surgeons working
side by side proudly.
Plowp can handle the criers,
you, the bleeders,
Klak the complex,
so on and so forth.
Of course, we'd need to
huddle about it,
but it would split the workload
evenly and prevent high-risk
No, Nerlo. That would only work
if genius was also
split up evenly.
Uh, Dr. Sleech, perhaps
you should think through
what Dr. Nerlo is suggesting.
I know I can save these people.
- Under their care
- [groans]
I can't guarantee that.
Klak, you're with me.
Everyone else,
handle the stragglers.
Bognoth, Ovu, lock
yourselves in a storage room.
Now, while you all
practice medicine,
I'm going to perfect it.
One time, Sleech was in
charge of the maternity ward,
and the babies rioted.
Sleech can't handle this alone.
She's not alone. She has me.
Well, don't get your hopes up.
The only person who
impresses Sleech is Sleech.
And the Space Magician,
Chopsabraxis Humiliatron-9.
[voice] Has anybody seen
my body?
Kind of short, cute,
in an approachable way.
Whose disembodied voice is that?
I'm Vorg. The accident
detached me from my body.
[Sleech] Matt!
Huh?
I need you to find the
body that belongs to that voice.
Me?
Find the body,
or the patient dies.
A-All right. Okay. All right.
- [groaning]
- [screaming]
[gasps]
[screaming]
Okay. Does anyone know
whose tail this is?
Okay, Vorg, where's your body?
[Vorg] Great question.
I don't know.
Very cool. So, like,
as a patient,
what are thy symptoms?
[Vorg] Well,
I don't have a body.
Okay, very medical.
So, like, on a scale of
fromme to thrisk,
how does your body feel?
[Vorg] Oh! My left leg-claw
is submerged in water,
and something slimy just hit me.
Wait, for real? Okay.
Is the leg-claw floating
or sinking?
Oh, sinking!
That's fresh water.
The fish pond.
I meditate there at sunrise.
I actually know what to do!
Mmm.
Vlam! I re-atomized this one.
Let's fix his shape, huh?
Um, this is my natural
body type.
I sincerely apologize.
- [groaning]
- Retrogermination!
She's aging backwards.
Get her potted.
Keep her watered, fertilized,
so she doesn't disappear.
[groaning, screaming]
[trilling]
[grunting]
We've got interspecies fusion.
We were having a threesome
when we fused.
Sleech, I have to unfuse them.
That'll take hours.
- [groaning]
- [screaming]
- [sobbing]
- [screaming]
Go. I can do this.
I'm Beef Sturgeon.
Vlam, please get a
dendropathologist to Orb 3.
Ooh, get a cute one.
Vlam, grab me three eyes
from Brug-Brug,
and one lung from the plant.
[panting]
HooveTube me! [groans]
[screaming, groaning]
Are you sure you don't want me
to get the other surgeons?
What? Why? [chuckles]
I've got this totally
under control.
[panicked chatter]
So, any plans this weekend? Ah!
[grunting]
[sighs] Hi there.
[chuckles] Yes!
[Vorg] Matt! I can feel
your hands on my leg.
Whoa. How do you get
your skin so soft?
Oh, Electric Fizz burns
through a layer or two
of my flesh every time
I'm restocking.
All right, what else
are we feeling?
[Vorg] Concrete? Warm concrete.
Oh, the top level
of the parking garage!
[others gasp]
- Mm.
- Mmm
I'm gonna need to separate you
on a cellular level,
during which a lot of things
could go wrong.
Oh.
♪
[chuckles nervously]
Dr. Klak? I'm Dr. Zypha,
the new dendropathologist.
You need me?
Yeah. Grab a scalpel,
lady cowboy. [chuckles]
Giddy up. Giddy-down.
Giddy-all-around.
[chuckles]
Hi. I'm Dr. Klak.
[chuckles] Yeah.
They were mid-coitus when
they fused.
Threesomes, am I right?
[chuckles]
Ha. Yeah, I-I'm currently
a onesome gal
with twosome aspirations.
Is that Dr. Cam-2-Gor's
book on bio-techno-genetics?
Yeah, I'm typically more
holistic in my medical approach,
finding natural cures,
letting the body heal itself.
But when something's
really wrong,
I don't hesitate to
bring out the hyper-beams.
[chuckles] I'm a "hyper-beams
first, ask questions later"
kind of girl.
I can work with that.
She's 7,642 tasks early.
Early is good.
"Orgasm early, orgasm often,"
that's my motto.
[groaning, screaming]
[alarm sounding]
Let's turn this head outside in.
I'm on it, Dr. Slee
Charge yourself.
That's an order.
[groans]
[weakly] Why do they put these
so high?
[panting]
[panting]
[sighs]
[groans]
[muffled scream]
Could you hand me
the organo-binomial
code spectrometer?
I organo-binomial could.
[chuckles]
[grunts]
[alarm sounding]
Ooh, I'll get the
hemo-vaposcillator.
[chuckles] So, do you have
a favorite simulation genre?
Horror? History?
Insect reality shows?
[whirring]
Or are you adventurous? Do you
camp at the bottom of Lava Lake?
Planet jump without a wire?
You know, I do like
Whoa! Uh
- Whoa. Uh
- Whoa.
Take the Root-B-Strong to
ground them.
[grunts]
[sighs]
Ah
[sighs] That was exhilarating.
The only other time I've seen
anything like that
was when I was a kid
and-and I would help my family
graft V12 trees with
yunza vines. Of course
What are your favorite books?
Oh. I like plant literature
classics, obviously.
Like Eating the Sun, which of
course is a translation
from the Botanitongue, which is
much, much more beautiful.
"Mythhrhymbis Ah-Cyllsus."
Thank you.
Uh, what were you saying?
Never mind. Can you hand me
that hernial vasculitrum?
And if you could lubricate it,
that'd be great.
And when you said you
smelled a hint of citrus
mixed with smoky wood,
I knew you were smelling
Nurse Tup's expressed glands.
[Vorg] And now we have my nose!
I can smell everything!
Okay, am I louder or quieter?
Oh, gah, so loud! [laughs]
Ha, we did it! What's next?
Vorg? You still there?
[Vorg] Sorry, I keep getting
tempted by the ether
to become nothingness,
but it won't get me.
What's keeping you here?
[Vorg] Her.
I'd do anything for her.
[Matt] Are you talking
about Sleech?
'Cause that's a crazy
coincidence.
[Vorg] No, my pet ratfly,
Gooyoobyoo.
Sleech loves to eat
ratflies. [sighs]
All right, let's go find
your genitals.
[panting, grunting]
Oh, no.
- I don't want to die.
- Don't worry.
You'll wake up tomorrow
to keep making bad decisions,
like that shirt.
[coughs, laughs]
Well-executed, me.
- [alarm sounding]
- [panting]
[groans]
[gasps] But it was
well-executed. I said so myself.
[overlapping alarms sounding]
Help! I need assistance!
Help!
♪
You're so efficient.
You must've practiced
thousands of times.
Oh, yeah. More than that.
I can be obsessive.
In a fun way. [chuckles]
- How long have you
- [gasps] Oh, no.
We've got a wilter.
I can shock her, and then
She needs a nitrogen blast.
You're right.
Oh, if I inject NPK
with electricity,
it'll work for her cyborg
and plant DNA.
[both chuckle]
[groans, gasps] Mm.
[laughs] She's gonna be okay.
She's got a lot more
orgasms in her
before she faces the big wilt.
I hope I get at least three.
You should set the bar
a bit higher, Dr. Klak.
♪
We're a really good team.
People are much harder to read
than plants.
♪
Okay, one, two, three.
And we nailed it.
My eyes! Thank you, Doctors.
Wow, you all sounded
much taller.
[Plowp] Sleech?
I need you to take over
all the patients.
All right, Blue Team, let's go.
I'm relieved you came
to your senses.
Taking on so many patients alone
was dangerous and foolish,
like getting in the hot tub
after a feather wax.
I feel a lot of pain from you.
Grief. Guilt.
Is it because you left me alone
in that hot tub?
[groans]
Dr. Sleech, I think that
patient is gone.
And judging from his wounds,
you could not have saved him.
He has very little body left.
I just need to get him
into the Cloud.
You can't upload
an unresponsive brain.
Yet.
Can you not feel
my feelings right now?
I'd like these to be just mine.
I understand.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[patients groaning, moaning]
[sighs]
[Sleech] How can I help?
Sleech, we did it! Hey,
did you know this hospital has
a whole floor that's just
people's dreams?
You were there,
but it wasn't you.
We got Vorg's whole body.
Now you can reunite it
with her voice.
You really got it all?
I even found an extra leg.
This is amazing!
I can reassemble her
and tether her
omnipresent voice.
How was your day
as Chief Surgeon?
Well, bad.
I'm sorry. If it means
anything, you made my day great.
What? How?
You trusted me with
something important.
No one really does that.
I'm glad I did one not
terrible thing today.
[chuckles]
- [groans]
- [gasps]
Oh. [chuckles]
Oh We'll do that one.
Klak, I had fun with you today.
I think you're really smart
and cute,
even if you're extremely
distracted at all times.
Plus, you're the only other
person who's seen
that 56-hour-long documentary
about a single leaf.
You think I'm cute?
Yeah. Maybe you'd want to
Please don't ask me out.
Oh, sorry. I just didn't
Because I'd say yes.
[gasps] Is it because
we work together?
That hasn't stopped me before.
I just got out of something,
and the longer I'm out of it,
the more I realize it took up
all of my brain.
I need to be alone, I think.
I'm not ready.
For the record, no one's ready.
We're all a disaster.
And working on it is
a lifelong thing.
It's accepting that, I think,
that makes dating possible.
That and not over-hyping
the 56-hour-long documentary,
and then being broken up with
before the leaf even sprouts.
The anticipation is
the best part.
- [chuckles]
- Isn't it?
Ooh, my outfit.
And the dopamine's gone.
Well, you both look
bloodless and hairy.
Thank you.
I can't wear that.
It's made for one head.
I failed. I don't
deserve the coat.
Wait a second,
weren't you the one
who had that custom-made?
You got the hospital through
a huge accident today, Doctor.
Some hiccups are to be expected.
Someone died because of me.
You are a control freak.
You don't trust anyone,
you're too blunt,
and you think you're better
than everyone you meet.
Is this supposed to be
a pep talk?
The flip side of that is,
you know exactly what you want,
you don't waste time,
and you really trust yourself.
Listen, our weaknesses are often
our strengths.
If you want to lead,
instead of focusing on what
people can't do,
it might help you to focus
on what they can.
I get you.
Nurse Tup can't be seen,
but she can ruin my day.
Sleech? I remember
every single person
I've lost on the table.
[scoffs] And I remember
their hairstyles.
Chief Surgeon Sleech,
what do you need?
I need you to rest
so you can work twice as hard
on my rotation next week.
Did you head that? She's
putting me on her rotation!
I have to record this
in my diary
- before I
- [powering down]
[voice on TV] The captain
has no comment,
which may be because
he no longer has a mouth
[groans]
I'm sorry about your patient.
Me, too. The worst part
of all this is
I think I'm starting
to respect my colleagues.
Your outfit looks great,
by the way.
Probably should've showered
before I put it on.
I met the new plant doctor,
and I think she's my soulmate.
- Whoa!
- She asked me out and I said no.
No.
I just need, like,
one month where
I'm not obsessed with someone.
I'm exhausted, Sleech.
I know.
[sighs] I'm just gonna focus
on the outfit for now.
Well, the outfit and the worm.
And our careers, because once
Larvin comes to light
and we lose our licenses,
which triggers my inevitable
breakdown, then I'll have to
move back in with my mom,
which will all be fodder
for her next book:
Klak's Story:
When Failure Succeeds.
- [groaning]
- [gasps]
Aah! He's in labor.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[both screaming]
Oh, no!
[crying]
[both gasp]
[cries, whimpers]
I guess the worm can die.
He died as he lived: violently.
[groaning]
At least he left us
the parting gift
of a new research subject,
Larvin Jr.
Welcome to life, LJ.
It's pretty hard,
but the food is good.
No one ever looks in there.
[growling]
[Self Improvement:
"Visible Damage"]
Visible ♪
Damage ♪
Take it out, feeling low ♪
Touch and taste,
see it waste ♪
Looking for it,
now it's gone ♪
Missing, wanting, hurt ♪
Visible ♪
Damage ♪
Kick dust off, beat it down ♪
Lay it out, study now ♪
Feel it out, feeling things ♪
Away, missing, gone ♪♪
Chirp.