The Spencer Sisters (2023) s01e05 Episode Script
The Decorator's Debacle
1
[UPBEAT POP SONG]
♪
- JOGGER: Morning.
- Hey!
JOGGER: Have a good one!
♪
♪
VICTORIA: Well, no, I
haven't told Darby yet.
You know how she overreacts.
But I am telling you, Sarita,
I have not written this fast in years.
This new character is
changing everything!
[IN DISTANCE] Of course,
yes. I'm excited, too.
I promise, you're going to love it.
♪
Ex-cop who was kicked off the force?
Surly Handsome
Bryn's long-lost daughter
Clodagh?!
VICTORIA: Darby, are you home?
We're wheels up in 20!
Ugh!
♪
[QUIET CHATTER]
♪
DARBY: Ugh, this is really
not what I need today.
VICTORIA: Would you stop sulking?
You promised last week
when you borrowed my car
that you would come to
this estate auction with me.
But you also said you
would wear something nice!
Well, I didn't know it would be like
something out of your novels!
Speaking of, how are your
new pages coming along?
Um good! Fine, actually.
Yeah? Feeling particularly
inspired, are we?
- As a matter of fact, I am!
- Hmm!
- RORY: Well, hello, ladies!
- VICTORIA: Hello!
DARBY: Why am I here if
you knew Rory would be here?
Just to soak up a
little A.B. culture, hmm?
- Alder Bluffs.
- Thank you, I got it.
RORY: This place is
owned by Zelda Hoffman.
Wealthy widow, total firecracker.
She had impeccable taste.
VICTORIA: Oh, dear. Has she died?
Oh, no. Apparently she's moved into
an upscale nursing home.
Her daughter put this whole thing on.
Ah, there are some
serious pieces up for sale!
Ooh!
RORY: You might see, uh
an art deco hoodie, Darby!
[VICTORIA & RORY LAUGH]
Great.
♪
$1,500 for a trifle bowl?!
And then you have to eat trifle.
Lucas! What are you doing here?
Yeah, Lindsay saw this thing
about "eclectic centrepieces"
on some hip wedding blog,
so we figured that this would be
- eclectic?
- Well, sure.
Nothing says "I do" quite
like naked babies on stuff.
Mm-hm! Yeah, exactly.
That's why I'm having my
groomsmen dress like that.
[LAUGHS] Oh! Nice!
- Oh, Darby!
- Hi!
- Hey, it's good to see you!
- You, too.
- You look gorgeous, as always.
- Thanks.
This ensemble started
as a silent protest
against my mom, but now it
just feels like a self-own.
[LAUGHS] Hey, the more dressed down,
the richer people think you are.
Oh, then everyone here
must think I'm loaded.
- LINDSAY: [LAUGHS]
- Definitely.
Um [SIGHS]
Hey, I've been taking
like a zillion photos
for wedding inspo, and I realized
I don't even have one
of the bride and groom!
- Do you mind?
- Not at all!
Okay.
Uh say "trifle"!
- BOTH: Trifle!
- [CAMERA CLICKING]
- I took a bunch.
- LINDSAY: Oh, awesome.
- Thank you.
- [GAVEL BANGS]
AUCTIONEER: Can I have
your attention, please?
Ladies and gentlemen, the
auction is about to start.
LUCAS: I should find
seats. I can't miss this.
Don't miss it. Run, don't walk!
LINDSAY: Um Hey, listen.
This may sound odd.
I was wondering if you
and I could have lunch?
I'd really like us to be friends.
Yeah!
Great. Yes um, when?
Um soon.
Super soon.
Okay.
- See you out there.
- Okay!
Okay
AUCTIONEER: Ladies
and gentlemen, welcome.
Bidding will commence shortly.
But first, I'd like to invite
our hostess, Moira Hoffman,
to say a few words.
[APPLAUSE]
MOIRA: Okay wow!
My mother would be so
touched by this turnout.
As some of you know, she was
recently moved to a care facility.
And, you know, while they say
that you can't put a price
on a loved one's care
they have. A large one!
- Uh
- [AWKWARD COUGHS]
So, um
please bid generously and, um
thanks.
[APPLAUSE]
AUCTIONEER: Thank you,
Miss Hoffman. All right
Archer Lancaster.
Thinks he's God's gift to antiques.
I outbid him on a
Hepplewhite chaise last year
and he's hated me ever since.
And first up, we have Lot #129.
This is it!
It's early Deco.
Neo-Egyptian piece.
Wow, it's lovely. You should bid on it.
I'm going to!
And the bidding will begin at $400.
$400.
AUCTIONEER: 400 to the
gentleman; do I hear
- 500.
- AUCTIONEER: 500.
- Do I have six?
- Six.
I have 600. Do I hear seven?
700 to the woman in the back.
1,100.
AUCTIONEER: I hear 1,100 for
the gentleman in the front.
- Do I have
- 1,200.
AUCTIONEER: 1,200.
1,300.
Yes, I have 1,300 to
the gentleman in front.
3,000!
[CROWD GASPS]
The bid stands at $3,000.
Going once Going twice
- Sold!
- [APPLAUSE]
Well done, sir.
[APPLAUSE]
♪
♪
DARBY: You didn't even buy anything!
That's not the point, darling.
The point is to have fun.
Well, that redefined
"fun" for me, so success!
VICTORIA: What's wrong with
you? Is your blood sugar low?
You're so surly.
- Surly?
- Mm-hm!
That's a funny word for you to use.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, by all means, take your call.
Hello?
Rory?
He pocket-dialled you. Just hang up.
Okay.
[SOUND OF CAR HONKING ON PHONE]
RORY: Oh, come on, just
pass me then, all right?
Rory, is everything all right?
[CAR HONKING AND BRAKES SCREECHING]
RORY: No, no, no! What are you doing?
- No, no, noooo!
- [LOUD CRASH]
Rory!
[THEME MUSIC]
♪
♪
HARRIS: Okay, okay,
white car, tinted windows.
We got that.
RORY: Listen, I don't
think you're taking this
with the gravity it deserves!
All right, the only sets
of tire tracks off the road
are yours, Mr. Iseñor, all right?
That's not much to go on.
This is a case for
your insurance company,
- not for the police.
- I am telling you,
someone is trying to kill me!
And I am telling you to
calm down before I arrest you
- for wasting police time.
- VICTORIA: Enough!
If Alder Bluffs' "finest"
won't take this case seriously,
then the Spencer Sisters will.
Wait, what? We will?
Really?
Okay, whatever. He's all yours.
All right, someone
call a damn tow truck.
RORY: You're serious?
That the Spencer Sisters
will take my case?
Of course!
Oh, but no friend discount!
I want to pay the full price!
I need to get my cat.
Okay, we're not seriously
taking this case on, are we?
Harris is an ass, sure,
but attempted murder?
Mom, Rory probably just
got spooked when someone
tried to pass him while he
was staring at his dumb cat.
VICTORIA: We don't know that.
And besides, a case is a case.
Fine.
But we have to treat
it like any other case.
It's not like something
from one of your novels.
As if you've ever read any of my novels!
RORY: Oh, it's all right!
Ah, it's safe.
Well, I guess I'd better get
a ride share or something.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
We have plenty of room.
Darby can ride in back.
Oh, yeah. You can ride in the back.
- I heard her.
- Mm-hm!
DARBY: Okay, Rory,
start from the beginning
and tell us what happened.
He came at me out of nowhere!
Like a lunatic!
I couldn't see his face,
but I could feel the
hatred just burning at me!
Except we don't actually
know that it was a man, right?
- Because you couldn't see him?
- Oh
Are we sure this isn't
just a case of road rage?
VICTORIA: Maybe someone
wants you out of the picture.
[GASPS] You mean like a conspiracy?
Or maybe it was a case
of mistaken identity!
Yes!
The killer misidentified
me as his target!
Okay, let's all just climb down
from the grassy knoll here for a second.
Rory, I know when you've
had a scare it can be easy
to jump right to
assassins and blood feuds.
Yes!
But when it comes to
real investigations,
Occam's Razor is the rule.
The simplest explanation
is usually the right one.
But, as Bryn Martell always says,
"Sometimes Occam is wrong."
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
Bryn said that, specifically?
RORY: Yeah, Book 9.
"The Philosopher's Foible."
Okay, Rory, do you
have any actual enemies
who might want to hurt you?
Oh! Archer Lancaster!
Ah, of course!
He was furious that you outbid him.
Public humiliation is a great motivator.
Oh, Darby is well aware of that.
Okay, fine. Yes, Archer is a solid lead.
Or at least a lead here on Planet Earth,
so we'll start there.
- Let's go to his store.
- Right.
RORY: Let's shake him down!
♪
RORY: Oh, Archer.
You've just been eating yourself
up with jealousy, haven't you?
What is it, exactly,
you're accusing me of?
We want to know where you
went after the auction.
Here.
To lick my wounds.
Oh, that is a lie!
He's lying!
Okay, maybe let me take care of this.
[IN A WHISPER] Liar!
What route did you take?
What's the make and
model of your vehicle?
I don't believe I have
to tell you anything.
You're not the police.
[RORY & VICTORIA CHUCKLING SCORNFULLY]
RORY: Tsk-tsk-tsk.
What?
Oh, we were just admiring
your impeccable taste:
Hepplewhite, Georgian, mostly Victorian.
But that cat you bid on?
It was decidedly Neo-Egyptian Art Deco.
What gives?
Fine. You caught me.
I never wanted that piece
of junk in the first place.
Oh, bull!
You bid against me for it!
ARCHER: [GIGGLES]
I was goading you into overpaying.
RORY: [HUFFS]
ARCHER: And, if you must know,
that cat is a cheap 1970s reproduction.
Can't imagine why Zelda
Hoffman even owned it.
I know I wouldn't want to.
Oh, and I drive a restored
powder blue 1969 Fiat Spider.
It's parked out back if
you want to admire it.
♪
♪
Well, there goes that lead.
The real question is why
would Zelda have a worthless
piece like that in her collection?
Well, it was a very good reproduction.
I think anyone could
have been fooled by it.
Wait a minute.
There was a third bidder.
A woman at the back.
And then she just vanished.
I remember her!
Damn, I wish I made a mental
note of her paddle number.
As Bryn would say, "The
devil is in the details."
Yeah, Book 21. "The
Clockmaker's Crisis."
Okay, fine.
We'll go to the auction
house and we'll get her name.
[CHUCKLES]
What?
Auctions are a very exclusive world.
Their clients count on discretion.
Okay, so what do you suggest?
Zelda's daughter, Moira,
would have access to
the bidders list, right?
We could use Rory's status as
a decorator to our advantage.
How?
She seemed very concerned
about selling everything.
You could offer to work her list
and move the rest of her stock.
Ooh, like undercover!
Well, it's not undercover
when you're playing yourself.
♪
MOIRA: What what am I
supposed to do with this?
Do you know how big the bills are?
RORY: I can't believe
this happened to you.
MOIRA: And how expensive it is
there, it's like they just
DARBY: Don't think you're
going a bit overboard?
This isn't a stakeout,
and Moira isn't a suspect.
Well, she could be!
[MOIRA CRYING]
Yeah, she's a regular femme fatale.
Seriously, what is your problem?
You seemed so happy when you
went out for your run today.
I was, until you dragged
me into this mess.
Or should I call it Book 31,
"The Wealthy Widow's
Worthless Waste of Time"?
Do you have a problem with my writing?
Well, actually, I kind
of do, and I wanted to
RORY: We have the list of bidders!
Mm-hm-hm!
Oh, she's quite a talker.
And a crier. Hmm.
VICTORIA: I see that.
Paddle 118 Francesca Diavolo?
RORY: Oh, a glamorous name!
Like something out
of one of your novels!
- Oh, you don't say.
- Mm-hm!
DARBY: Hmph!
Ah, looks like she lives
at 66 Heathcliff Lane.
Let's go.
♪
♪
DARBY: 66 Heathcliff Lane?
You've gotta be kidding me!
So, Francesca Diavolo lied
on her bidding application?
How baroque.
VICTORIA: Seems like
Bryn Martell was right,
and Occam was wrong.
Oh, good morning. Orange juice?
- Did you spend the night?
- Yes.
I had my housekeeper
drop off a weekend bag.
I thought it was safest, what with this
Diavolo character on the loose.
There you are!
Alastair just got back to
me, and there are no hits
for "Francesca Diavolo"
anywhere near Alder Bluffs.
Great, now we're back to no leads.
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Ugh!
Lindsay tagged me in the photo
that I took of her and Lucas.
And she used the triple fire emoji.
Look, my day just keeps getting better.
They are gorgeous together,
but it's best not to dwell, honey.
Hey, wait a minute.
Isn't this the Francesca Diavolo
woman or whatever her name is?
- Look.
- It is! Good work, honey.
Lindsay took a lot of
photos at the auction.
I wonder if our mystery woman's
in the background of those.
RORY: You
text Lindsay and get those photos.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no!
No, I can't do that
because if I do that,
Lindsay will make me
go to lunch with her!
Well, it's for the
good of the case, honey.
[SIGHS]
♪
Small talk.
Appetizer only.
Get the photos and get out.
Darby, hi!
Hey!
I am so glad we can make this work!
Oh, me too, me too.
I've always wanted to come here,
so this is very exciting for me.
Oh! [CHUCKLES] Yeah!
BOTH: Anyway [LAUGHTER]
I could use your help with
a case, if you're willing.
Oh! Okay, shoot.
Could you send me the photos
you took at the auction?
Like of me and Lucas?
Of everything.
And this is for a case?
Yes.
A mysterious woman ran
our client off the road
because he bought what
turned out to be a worthless
statue of a cat.
And as I say that out loud,
I realize it sounds super made-up,
but your photos might
help us identify her.
Right, yeah. Of course!
Thanks.
Um
[KEYS TAPPING]
Okay, done.
And I sent them to Victoria too.
Oh, good. I really appreciate that.
Yeah.
And I hate to do this, but I should go,
because the case is really heating up.
Darby?
Um, I'd actually really like
us to have a conversation
about Lucas.
Oh.
Okay.
But we should eat first, right?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah!
Hi!
- WAITER: Can I take your order?
- Yes, thank you.
♪
So, what do you think?
Bryn Martell would be so proud!
Lindsay sent the photos
and I printed them out.
- Hmm!
- And here is our mystery woman.
Hmm Is her hair
I dunno how to say this bad?
Yeah.
I think it's a wig. And those glasses?
- Mm-hm.
- She might be in disguise.
Oh!
But we're still no closer to
finding out her real identity.
Yes.
Oh, yes we are!
That is the car that tried
to run me off the road!
- It is?
- Mm-hm!
The license plate's obscured.
But there's this bumper sticker.
It says
Here.
"CompanionAid."
[PHONE BEEPS]
Uh, find "CompanionAid." Oh!
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Oh!
PHONE VOICE: Here's what I found.
It says it's a local staffing agency
for in-home nursing services.
- Call!
- Ooh, okay.
Hello, uh, this is Rory G-Gan
O'Flanagan.
[BAD IRISH ACCENT] Ah,
top 'o the mornin' to ya!
[IN A WHISPER] That's not good.
Um I'm just calling because
I was following one of your cars
that had one of your stickers on it.
And there was a woman driving,
and she went directly
through a crosswalk,
striking a child dead!
- No!
- Oh! Okay, no, not dead.
But certainly not well.
It was just a close call.
And I was wondering,
if I sent you a picture,
I'm sending it right now,
would you be able to tell me
if you recognize this person
as one of your employees?
Have you got it?
Yes, her hair's a little
different, by the way.
Oh?
Is that so?
So, listen
I know there's a lot of
history between you and Lucas.
But, like, ancient history.
Stone age.
We're talking dinosaurs and meteors.
For you, maybe. But not for Lucas.
When you left all those years ago,
Lucas was shattered.
Mainly because he didn't know why you
just ghosted.
I mean, everything's fine now,
it's just when I found him
he was still hurting.
And now, suddenly you're
back in town, and
I would just hate to see him
go back to that dark place.
I'm not ordering you out
of Lucas' life or anything.
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, good.
It's just your presence,
it has an effect on people.
And, well, it's not just Lucas'
happiness at stake anymore.
I can admit I didn't really
handle things well back then.
But the last thing that I
would want to do is hurt Lucas.
Or come between you.
Not not that I'm capable of that!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Obviously.
Um
I wish you two nothing but happiness,
so if that means I have
to keep my distance
I will.
Darby, thank you.
I mean it, I do.
I'm just oh!
Oh, I'm so glad we could clear the air.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
♪
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh, how was lunch?
Like being eaten alive by
beautiful woodland animals.
Where's Rory?
Uh, he's out on the sundeck, resting.
Exhausted from working our case?
Actually, yes. We had
a big breakthrough.
It turns out that "Francesca Diavolo"
is really someone
named Carmella Da Silva,
who used to work for a home-care
company called CompanionAid.
- Used to?
- Mm-hm.
Until she was fired for a complaint
from her past employer, get this
Zelda Hoffman!
Hmm! Well, you figured out a lot.
And it was definitely her car
that ran Rory off the road.
And she went to the
auction in a disguise.
Why was she there? Why
did she bid on the statue?
I have no idea, but it
proves that Rory was right.
You mean, it proves you were right.
Look, I'm just trying to
solve a case for our client.
For our client, or for your new partner?
Is this what this is all about?
You're mad at me because
I let Rory help us?
Well, why wouldn't you?
When he's your number one
fanboy and I'm just, what was it?
"A dark, surly cypher, quick
to anger and slow to apologize"?
You read my pages without my permission?
You had no right!
No right?
You're the one who used
her own daughter as a joke
for the sake of book sales!
That is not what the Clodagh
character is about, at all!
Oh, Victoria, these new
pages are magnificent!
And the Clodagh character is so oh?
You let him read it?
Of course you did.
Darby, please.
You don't care about
me or this partnership.
You're swanning around like
a real-life Bryn Martell.
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?
Are you surprised that I
didn't tell you about Clodagh
when this is how you react?
When all you ever do is
criticize my lifestyle,
my work, and my friends?
At least Rory doesn't treat me
like I'm some kind of delusional idiot!
Fine!
I'll leave you two to it.
And since you guys have
so much fun together,
why don't you kill off Clodagh
and make "Lory" Bryn's new partner?
Then we'll all be happy.
[SIGHS]
how to push my buttons.
It's the whole Bryn Martell thing.
- Mm-hm.
- It's exactly what happened
after my dad died.
My mom became like a
completely different person.
I feel like a teenager when
I'm with my mom and I hate that.
I was so angry back then.
At my dad for dying.
At my mom for dragging
me to Alder Bluffs,
only to then abandon me for her career.
Hey, now if she hadn't dragged you here,
you never would have
met the most handsome
eligible bachelor in Alder Bluffs.
Are you seriously throwing
Lucas at me right now?
Hello, I'm talking about
me! Look at this jaw line!
- I mean
- [LAUGHS] Oh.
That's true.
Okay, well, "eligible
bachelor" no longer applies,
but the rest does.
Look, I-I get it.
That was a rough time for you.
It's why you left.
Is that it, though?
Is that all?
Or do I run from stuff?
Do I push people away?
Well yes.
Sometimes.
But it makes sense.
People with abandonment issues
tend to do the same
to protect themselves.
I knew it.
I'm totally screwed up.
Not totally. Look how far you've come!
Would the Darby of ten
years ago have ever imagined
starting a business with Victoria?
Probably not.
- I mean
- Okay, definitely not.
There we go.
I hope we still have a business.
I said some pretty rough stuff.
How bad could it have been?
I bet she's already over it.
[SCREECHING BRAKES]
RORY: Mm-hm-hm
Okay, Furiosa.
Maybe we should take a breath
before we go and see Moira.
Why? We still have a case to solve.
And if Carmella really
was Zelda's nurse,
then maybe Moira can
tell us where to find her.
Victoria, I love you,
and I know you're upset,
but maybe you should
cut Darby some slack.
What? Why?
I just think I know why
she's been acting out a tad.
You do?
She hasn't been any nicer to you!
Well, Darby's a walking leather jacket.
Her bark is worse than her bite.
And I I, too, tend
to overreact sometimes.
Oh? I hadn't noticed.
Ha. Yeah.
I know what I'm like.
I take offence when people
don't take me seriously.
It's a classic defence mechanism.
And Darby's the same.
Yeah, but you heard what she said.
She's the one that
doesn't take me seriously!
But, uh, maybe she just
feels more comfortable
pushing people away
than being vulnerable.
It's this whole Clodagh thing.
I clearly meant it as
an homage, not an insult!
Her bravery, her sense of justice,
the way Bryn has been longing
to have Clodagh back in her life.
What if Darby looked at it and saw
her own worst fears about herself?
That the distance between Bryn
and Clodagh is all her fault?
Well, technically,
it was the nuns' fault
for lying to Bryn about her
baby dying in childbirth.
Yes
Just to protect the secret
of the lost monk's treasure!
Yeah.
But I get your point.
[BELL RINGS]
♪
Moira!
Sorry to pop in on you like this.
I just wanted you to meet
one of my clients, Victoria.
She's interested in buying some
of the pieces that didn't sell.
Now is really not a great time.
We're sorry to disturb you.
I'm just such an antiques hound.
I guess we'll come back later, okay?
Okay.
Although
I do need to get in touch with
someone on your bidding list.
She bid against me for an item.
Do you have the picture? Yeah.
Do you recognize her?
The one behind the cute couple.
MOIRA: Wait a minute, is that ?
This is my mother's ex-nurse!
I fired her when I caught her stealing.
She kept harassing us.
I-I took out a peace bond against her.
Why is she here? I
Donning a disguise to sneak back in?
This is like something out of a
- A mystery novel?
- Indeed.
We're so sorry to upset you.
We were just trying to
find out where she is.
I have no idea where she is.
I see.
Well, um I nothing?
Okay, great.
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
♪
Oh.
Oh, I'll go make us a great big drink.
I'm sorry, Mom.
What I said was really harsh.
I think I was just trying to
push you away or something,
because that's what I do
apparently.
No, I'm sorry.
I should have never
based a character on you
without asking you first.
But I promise you, it was
never meant it to be hurtful.
RORY: You won't believe this.
Carmella left me a voicemail!
CARMELLA: Rorygan O'Flanagan,
I know you have the statue.
Bring it to 1177 Carlisle
Street or someone will die.
Tell no one and come alone.
What in God's name is
up with that statue?
♪
RORY: Hmm
It's just a cat.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
I can't believe I'm about to do this,
but what is it that
Bryn Martell always says?
Uh, "Vengeance is always
best served like Vichyssoise."
Oh, "A woman's best
weapon is a black dress"?
No.
Oh, "Sometimes the wrong
man is the right answer"!
"Sometimes you have to break
a few eggs to crack a case."
- That's the one.
- I don't remember that one.
Gah! No!
Oh, I spent $3,000 on this
cat, thank you very much!
♪
Is that what I think it is?
Say, "Cheese."
RORY: Well, that's Zelda.
God, she looks awful.
VICTORIA: So Carmella
planted the camera?
Why would someone who's
supposedly stealing
from their employer set
up a secret nanny cam?
Can you fast-forward a bit?
DARBY: Wait, stop.
That's Moira.
ZELDA: Stop.
What are you giving me?
Where's Carmella?
MOIRA: Humph! Mom,
you're confused again!
Carmella quit. She couldn't handle you.
That's why I had to move
home and take care of you.
[IN A WHISPER] Not that you're grateful.
ZELDA: No, wait, wait
Uh, maybe Carmella isn't
the bad guy here after all.
Maybe she planted the
camera because she knew
Moira was up to something
and wanted to keep Zelda
from being put in a home.
Yeah, that's why she wanted it back.
That's why she chased you.
We need to talk to Carmella.
Quickly.
♪
♪
♪
[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]
♪
♪
♪
I told you to come alone!
They're harmless.
Except to each other.
[SIGHS]
RORY: [SIGHS]
MOIRA: [ON VIDEO] Not
that you're grateful.
ZELDA: No, wait, wait
Oh my God!
This is exactly what I was afraid of.
We have to stop Moira!
Tell us what happened
from the beginning.
I had been working with
Zelda for over a year.
We were very close.
Moira was never around.
She only ever called
when she wanted money.
One day, she showed up
and said she was moving in.
Soon after, Zelda started to
show signs of cognitive decline.
It didn't make sense; she
was always sharp as a tack.
That's why I set up the camera.
But before I could retrieve it
Moira fired you for "stealing."
Exactly.
She thought I was asking
too many questions.
I tried to get back in
the house to say goodbye,
but then she claimed
I was harassing them
and filed a peace bond.
Is that when you went to
the auction in disguise?
It was the only chance
to get that camera back.
But you outbid me.
$3,000 for something I
bought at a flea market.
Well, it was a very good reproduction
Once I heard Moira had
moved Zelda to a facility,
I knew something was wrong.
Zelda always said she'd rather die
before ending up in a place like that.
Why did you have to run me off the road?
I didn't!
You were swerving and honking
before I could even lower my window.
Well, you could have at least come back
to see if I was still alive.
I heard sirens, and
with the peace bond and everything
I'm sorry.
We saw in the footage that
she's hooked up to an IV?
What's in that?
I have no idea.
I used to give her a
daily dose of epinephrine
for her low blood sugar, dehydration.
That wouldn't cause
delusions or confusion.
If Moira figured out
that you're onto her,
you're definitely at risk.
♪
VICTORIA: Well, I got Carmella
settled in the guest room.
She's seems to be resting comfortably.
Moira said Zelda was
in a senior care home,
but in order for her to be
admitted against her will,
she would have been assessed
for cognitive decline, right?
Yeah, but you saw the video.
She could barely put
a sentence together.
Yeah, but what about after the
drugs Moira gave her wore off?
If Zelda was still as
sharp as Carmella says,
eventually she would have come around
and said something to the doctors.
Moira realized she
couldn't send Zelda away.
If she did, her secret
would be discovered.
So she's kept her in
the one place she knew
she'd never be found.
The house.
- She's still there!
- Oh!
And we're gonna need a hell
of a plan to get her out.
♪
♪
If Moira's desperate for money,
maybe she'd be willing to let
Victoria and I into the house
if we told her we were interested
in buying the remaining pieces.
It's not just a matter of getting in,
it's a matter of getting poor Zelda out,
and it would be quite a bit
easier if she wasn't drugged.
If I could get to Zelda's IV,
I could identify what she's
on and counter-dose it.
RORY: Hmm!
Uh-uh, it's too risky for
you with the peace bond.
You'll have to tell me what to do.
It's not that simple.
She may need medical supervision.
VICTORIA: [CLEARS THROAT]
Well, we do know someone
with a medical license
who would probably do
anything for you, Darby.
- Hm!
- It's for the good of the case!
It's for Zelda! Lindsay
would understand.
I'm not so sure.
But it's better than
Carmella going to prison.
So our current plan is:
my soon-to-be-wed
ex-boyfriend and I
will break into an old
widow's manor to administer
a "mystery antidote" while
you distract her evil daughter,
who's been suspicious of
us ever since we told her
that her mother's ex-nurse snuck
into her mother's estate auction
in a wig, pretending to be
someone named Francesca Diavolo.
Do I have that right?
VICTORIA: As plans go, that sounds
- 1,000% insane?
- Yes.
Well, it might work!
I mean, it's just like
one of your novels.
That is the problem. Darby is right.
This is a real investigation
with real stakes.
We have to start treating it like that.
Actually, I think Rory's right!
This case has been like one
of your novels from the get-go.
Which is why, and I can't
quite believe I'm saying this,
I think we should be asking
ourselves not what would
Darby do or Victoria, but
what would Bryn Martell do?
Bryn and her daughter, Clodagh.
♪
♪
So when you said "house call"
I know, this looks less than
- Legal?
- [CHUCKLES] Mm-hm!
But I promise I wouldn't
have asked for your help
if someone's life weren't at stake.
All right, I'm here for you.
But, respectfully, I
am not gonna be caught
climbing through some dowager's window.
At least not first, anyway.
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
MOIRA: So is there a particular
piece you're looking for, or ?
VICTORIA: Um
Oh, she'll know it when she sees it.
She has a very discerning eye.
- [GLASS CLINKING]
- Mm-hm!
Oh, you must have so many wonderful
childhood memories in this house!
Yeah, sure. Lots and lots.
♪
DARBY: Carmella said
this one is Zelda's room.
♪
Mrs. Hoffman? Hello?
♪
Morphine sulfate.
- Is that bad?
- Uh-huh.
She's alive, just unconscious.
Now, we can reverse the
effects, but I'll need your help.
- Oh!
- [FLOOR CREAKS LOUDLY]
[GLASS CLANKING LOUDLY]
Oh my, these old houses!
Mine is just the same!
[MAKES A CREAKING NOISE]
Speaking of which, this
is such a big house.
Are you planning on staying here?
Yeah, I dunno. Maybe.
Ah!
[NOISILY RIFLING THROUGH GLASS TRINKETS]
Let's avoid that spot!
Agreed.
Everything good?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
Yeah!
- Let's just wake her up!
- Okay.
All right, I can set up
a saline drip to swap out
the morphine sulphate, but I need you
to administer the naloxone.
Me?
You do it! Why can't I do the IV thing?
Because I'm the one with
eight years of medical school
and I only have so many hands.
You still afraid of needles?
Naloxone is a common
antidote for opioid overdose!
Don't cops literally have
to carry that with them
in case someone ODs?
Yeah, but I always
made my partner do it.
You'll be fine.
[UNZIPS PACK]
♪
♪
- Okay?
- Okay.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
All right. Three, two, one
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING UPSTAIRS]
Can't blame that on an old house!
Call the police! Get
out your pen camera!
DARBY: Just stay
still, okay? Don't move.
What?
What what is what is happening?
You!
How could you do this to me,
you useless waste of space!
How?
This from the mother
who always criticized me,
who never supported me,
who always hid me away
from her society friends
like I was some kind of shameful secret?
This from the daughter who was
never grateful for anything?
You're an embarrassment
who spits in my eye!
Oh, what have I done to
deserve such a wicked child?
I should have killed you
when I had the chance!
- [ALL GASP]
- Whoa!
Whoa, hey, hey!
Say, "Cheese!" You're on camera!
[POLICE SIRENS IN THE BACKGROUND]
I guess our relationship isn't
so dysfunctional after all.
Right?
♪
♪
I'll just be over here, just here.
Smooth, Mom. Thanks.
- Do you
- Thanks for your help.
Well, you know, we've
always made a great team.
Yeah.
I just think maybe our team
days are over for a while.
You have a new life now with Lindsay.
And I have a new life too, with
my mother.
It's not ideal,
but I'm actually sort of
okay with it at the moment.
And why wouldn't you be?
There's no case that the Spencer
Sisters can't solve together.
I can definitely see that.
There's no one quite
like the Spencer women.
♪
You should have this for evidence.
See you 'round.
Yeah.
Thank you!
♪
[AMBULANCE ENGINE
STARTS, DOORS SLAM SHUT]
♪
[POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]
Ugh, you two! I thought I told you to
Do your job for you? No.
But we did it anyway, so you're welcome.
This is all the evidence you
should need to convict Moira
of elder abuse and forcible confinement.
Should be another slam dunk conviction,
unless you want us to
report it ourselves?
Wha no.
No, no, I-I [STAMMERS]
Thank you for bringing
this to me personally.
Of course. Oh, and Detective?
I think you owe Rory here an apology.
I'm I'm sorry, for what?
For doubting him.
It just seems like the right thing to do
under the circumstances, you know?
- VICTORIA: Yes!
- RORY: [CLEARS THROAT]
Mr. Iseñor, I regret
that we weren't able to use
- police resources to
- Mm-mm!
- Mm-mm!
- No, no.
- Try again.
- Okay.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
You were right.
How very gracious of you, Detective.
Okay
- Good.
- [LAUGHS]
Thank you. I really did need that.
It was our pleasure!
Some of the time.
Oh, all of the time!
DARBY: Okay!
VICTORIA: Ugh, this
case! I mean, those two?
There is not enough therapy
in the world! [LAUGHS]
For what it's worth, Mom,
I know you weren't actually
trying to replace me.
Never.
I just
With Clodagh, I wanted to
get it right first, you know?
I wanted to make it clear
that Clodagh was the thing
that Bryn was missing all along.
That she needed her.
I can see that.
And who knows?
Maybe Clodagh will end
up feeling the same way.
Does this mean I get to
keep her in the book?!
- She can stay.
- Oh, yes!
- You have to change her name.
- What?
Ugh! Okay Bésame?
- No.
- Um
- Italia?
- That's worse!
Oh, I've got it! Cayenne!
No! Mom, absolutely not!
But you're so spicy!
DARBY: I like Agatha.
VICTORIA: Ugh! No way!
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
[UPBEAT POP SONG]
♪
- JOGGER: Morning.
- Hey!
JOGGER: Have a good one!
♪
♪
VICTORIA: Well, no, I
haven't told Darby yet.
You know how she overreacts.
But I am telling you, Sarita,
I have not written this fast in years.
This new character is
changing everything!
[IN DISTANCE] Of course,
yes. I'm excited, too.
I promise, you're going to love it.
♪
Ex-cop who was kicked off the force?
Surly Handsome
Bryn's long-lost daughter
Clodagh?!
VICTORIA: Darby, are you home?
We're wheels up in 20!
Ugh!
♪
[QUIET CHATTER]
♪
DARBY: Ugh, this is really
not what I need today.
VICTORIA: Would you stop sulking?
You promised last week
when you borrowed my car
that you would come to
this estate auction with me.
But you also said you
would wear something nice!
Well, I didn't know it would be like
something out of your novels!
Speaking of, how are your
new pages coming along?
Um good! Fine, actually.
Yeah? Feeling particularly
inspired, are we?
- As a matter of fact, I am!
- Hmm!
- RORY: Well, hello, ladies!
- VICTORIA: Hello!
DARBY: Why am I here if
you knew Rory would be here?
Just to soak up a
little A.B. culture, hmm?
- Alder Bluffs.
- Thank you, I got it.
RORY: This place is
owned by Zelda Hoffman.
Wealthy widow, total firecracker.
She had impeccable taste.
VICTORIA: Oh, dear. Has she died?
Oh, no. Apparently she's moved into
an upscale nursing home.
Her daughter put this whole thing on.
Ah, there are some
serious pieces up for sale!
Ooh!
RORY: You might see, uh
an art deco hoodie, Darby!
[VICTORIA & RORY LAUGH]
Great.
♪
$1,500 for a trifle bowl?!
And then you have to eat trifle.
Lucas! What are you doing here?
Yeah, Lindsay saw this thing
about "eclectic centrepieces"
on some hip wedding blog,
so we figured that this would be
- eclectic?
- Well, sure.
Nothing says "I do" quite
like naked babies on stuff.
Mm-hm! Yeah, exactly.
That's why I'm having my
groomsmen dress like that.
[LAUGHS] Oh! Nice!
- Oh, Darby!
- Hi!
- Hey, it's good to see you!
- You, too.
- You look gorgeous, as always.
- Thanks.
This ensemble started
as a silent protest
against my mom, but now it
just feels like a self-own.
[LAUGHS] Hey, the more dressed down,
the richer people think you are.
Oh, then everyone here
must think I'm loaded.
- LINDSAY: [LAUGHS]
- Definitely.
Um [SIGHS]
Hey, I've been taking
like a zillion photos
for wedding inspo, and I realized
I don't even have one
of the bride and groom!
- Do you mind?
- Not at all!
Okay.
Uh say "trifle"!
- BOTH: Trifle!
- [CAMERA CLICKING]
- I took a bunch.
- LINDSAY: Oh, awesome.
- Thank you.
- [GAVEL BANGS]
AUCTIONEER: Can I have
your attention, please?
Ladies and gentlemen, the
auction is about to start.
LUCAS: I should find
seats. I can't miss this.
Don't miss it. Run, don't walk!
LINDSAY: Um Hey, listen.
This may sound odd.
I was wondering if you
and I could have lunch?
I'd really like us to be friends.
Yeah!
Great. Yes um, when?
Um soon.
Super soon.
Okay.
- See you out there.
- Okay!
Okay
AUCTIONEER: Ladies
and gentlemen, welcome.
Bidding will commence shortly.
But first, I'd like to invite
our hostess, Moira Hoffman,
to say a few words.
[APPLAUSE]
MOIRA: Okay wow!
My mother would be so
touched by this turnout.
As some of you know, she was
recently moved to a care facility.
And, you know, while they say
that you can't put a price
on a loved one's care
they have. A large one!
- Uh
- [AWKWARD COUGHS]
So, um
please bid generously and, um
thanks.
[APPLAUSE]
AUCTIONEER: Thank you,
Miss Hoffman. All right
Archer Lancaster.
Thinks he's God's gift to antiques.
I outbid him on a
Hepplewhite chaise last year
and he's hated me ever since.
And first up, we have Lot #129.
This is it!
It's early Deco.
Neo-Egyptian piece.
Wow, it's lovely. You should bid on it.
I'm going to!
And the bidding will begin at $400.
$400.
AUCTIONEER: 400 to the
gentleman; do I hear
- 500.
- AUCTIONEER: 500.
- Do I have six?
- Six.
I have 600. Do I hear seven?
700 to the woman in the back.
1,100.
AUCTIONEER: I hear 1,100 for
the gentleman in the front.
- Do I have
- 1,200.
AUCTIONEER: 1,200.
1,300.
Yes, I have 1,300 to
the gentleman in front.
3,000!
[CROWD GASPS]
The bid stands at $3,000.
Going once Going twice
- Sold!
- [APPLAUSE]
Well done, sir.
[APPLAUSE]
♪
♪
DARBY: You didn't even buy anything!
That's not the point, darling.
The point is to have fun.
Well, that redefined
"fun" for me, so success!
VICTORIA: What's wrong with
you? Is your blood sugar low?
You're so surly.
- Surly?
- Mm-hm!
That's a funny word for you to use.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Oh, by all means, take your call.
Hello?
Rory?
He pocket-dialled you. Just hang up.
Okay.
[SOUND OF CAR HONKING ON PHONE]
RORY: Oh, come on, just
pass me then, all right?
Rory, is everything all right?
[CAR HONKING AND BRAKES SCREECHING]
RORY: No, no, no! What are you doing?
- No, no, noooo!
- [LOUD CRASH]
Rory!
[THEME MUSIC]
♪
♪
HARRIS: Okay, okay,
white car, tinted windows.
We got that.
RORY: Listen, I don't
think you're taking this
with the gravity it deserves!
All right, the only sets
of tire tracks off the road
are yours, Mr. Iseñor, all right?
That's not much to go on.
This is a case for
your insurance company,
- not for the police.
- I am telling you,
someone is trying to kill me!
And I am telling you to
calm down before I arrest you
- for wasting police time.
- VICTORIA: Enough!
If Alder Bluffs' "finest"
won't take this case seriously,
then the Spencer Sisters will.
Wait, what? We will?
Really?
Okay, whatever. He's all yours.
All right, someone
call a damn tow truck.
RORY: You're serious?
That the Spencer Sisters
will take my case?
Of course!
Oh, but no friend discount!
I want to pay the full price!
I need to get my cat.
Okay, we're not seriously
taking this case on, are we?
Harris is an ass, sure,
but attempted murder?
Mom, Rory probably just
got spooked when someone
tried to pass him while he
was staring at his dumb cat.
VICTORIA: We don't know that.
And besides, a case is a case.
Fine.
But we have to treat
it like any other case.
It's not like something
from one of your novels.
As if you've ever read any of my novels!
RORY: Oh, it's all right!
Ah, it's safe.
Well, I guess I'd better get
a ride share or something.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
We have plenty of room.
Darby can ride in back.
Oh, yeah. You can ride in the back.
- I heard her.
- Mm-hm!
DARBY: Okay, Rory,
start from the beginning
and tell us what happened.
He came at me out of nowhere!
Like a lunatic!
I couldn't see his face,
but I could feel the
hatred just burning at me!
Except we don't actually
know that it was a man, right?
- Because you couldn't see him?
- Oh
Are we sure this isn't
just a case of road rage?
VICTORIA: Maybe someone
wants you out of the picture.
[GASPS] You mean like a conspiracy?
Or maybe it was a case
of mistaken identity!
Yes!
The killer misidentified
me as his target!
Okay, let's all just climb down
from the grassy knoll here for a second.
Rory, I know when you've
had a scare it can be easy
to jump right to
assassins and blood feuds.
Yes!
But when it comes to
real investigations,
Occam's Razor is the rule.
The simplest explanation
is usually the right one.
But, as Bryn Martell always says,
"Sometimes Occam is wrong."
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
Bryn said that, specifically?
RORY: Yeah, Book 9.
"The Philosopher's Foible."
Okay, Rory, do you
have any actual enemies
who might want to hurt you?
Oh! Archer Lancaster!
Ah, of course!
He was furious that you outbid him.
Public humiliation is a great motivator.
Oh, Darby is well aware of that.
Okay, fine. Yes, Archer is a solid lead.
Or at least a lead here on Planet Earth,
so we'll start there.
- Let's go to his store.
- Right.
RORY: Let's shake him down!
♪
RORY: Oh, Archer.
You've just been eating yourself
up with jealousy, haven't you?
What is it, exactly,
you're accusing me of?
We want to know where you
went after the auction.
Here.
To lick my wounds.
Oh, that is a lie!
He's lying!
Okay, maybe let me take care of this.
[IN A WHISPER] Liar!
What route did you take?
What's the make and
model of your vehicle?
I don't believe I have
to tell you anything.
You're not the police.
[RORY & VICTORIA CHUCKLING SCORNFULLY]
RORY: Tsk-tsk-tsk.
What?
Oh, we were just admiring
your impeccable taste:
Hepplewhite, Georgian, mostly Victorian.
But that cat you bid on?
It was decidedly Neo-Egyptian Art Deco.
What gives?
Fine. You caught me.
I never wanted that piece
of junk in the first place.
Oh, bull!
You bid against me for it!
ARCHER: [GIGGLES]
I was goading you into overpaying.
RORY: [HUFFS]
ARCHER: And, if you must know,
that cat is a cheap 1970s reproduction.
Can't imagine why Zelda
Hoffman even owned it.
I know I wouldn't want to.
Oh, and I drive a restored
powder blue 1969 Fiat Spider.
It's parked out back if
you want to admire it.
♪
♪
Well, there goes that lead.
The real question is why
would Zelda have a worthless
piece like that in her collection?
Well, it was a very good reproduction.
I think anyone could
have been fooled by it.
Wait a minute.
There was a third bidder.
A woman at the back.
And then she just vanished.
I remember her!
Damn, I wish I made a mental
note of her paddle number.
As Bryn would say, "The
devil is in the details."
Yeah, Book 21. "The
Clockmaker's Crisis."
Okay, fine.
We'll go to the auction
house and we'll get her name.
[CHUCKLES]
What?
Auctions are a very exclusive world.
Their clients count on discretion.
Okay, so what do you suggest?
Zelda's daughter, Moira,
would have access to
the bidders list, right?
We could use Rory's status as
a decorator to our advantage.
How?
She seemed very concerned
about selling everything.
You could offer to work her list
and move the rest of her stock.
Ooh, like undercover!
Well, it's not undercover
when you're playing yourself.
♪
MOIRA: What what am I
supposed to do with this?
Do you know how big the bills are?
RORY: I can't believe
this happened to you.
MOIRA: And how expensive it is
there, it's like they just
DARBY: Don't think you're
going a bit overboard?
This isn't a stakeout,
and Moira isn't a suspect.
Well, she could be!
[MOIRA CRYING]
Yeah, she's a regular femme fatale.
Seriously, what is your problem?
You seemed so happy when you
went out for your run today.
I was, until you dragged
me into this mess.
Or should I call it Book 31,
"The Wealthy Widow's
Worthless Waste of Time"?
Do you have a problem with my writing?
Well, actually, I kind
of do, and I wanted to
RORY: We have the list of bidders!
Mm-hm-hm!
Oh, she's quite a talker.
And a crier. Hmm.
VICTORIA: I see that.
Paddle 118 Francesca Diavolo?
RORY: Oh, a glamorous name!
Like something out
of one of your novels!
- Oh, you don't say.
- Mm-hm!
DARBY: Hmph!
Ah, looks like she lives
at 66 Heathcliff Lane.
Let's go.
♪
♪
DARBY: 66 Heathcliff Lane?
You've gotta be kidding me!
So, Francesca Diavolo lied
on her bidding application?
How baroque.
VICTORIA: Seems like
Bryn Martell was right,
and Occam was wrong.
Oh, good morning. Orange juice?
- Did you spend the night?
- Yes.
I had my housekeeper
drop off a weekend bag.
I thought it was safest, what with this
Diavolo character on the loose.
There you are!
Alastair just got back to
me, and there are no hits
for "Francesca Diavolo"
anywhere near Alder Bluffs.
Great, now we're back to no leads.
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Ugh!
Lindsay tagged me in the photo
that I took of her and Lucas.
And she used the triple fire emoji.
Look, my day just keeps getting better.
They are gorgeous together,
but it's best not to dwell, honey.
Hey, wait a minute.
Isn't this the Francesca Diavolo
woman or whatever her name is?
- Look.
- It is! Good work, honey.
Lindsay took a lot of
photos at the auction.
I wonder if our mystery woman's
in the background of those.
RORY: You
text Lindsay and get those photos.
Yeah.
Oh, no, no!
No, I can't do that
because if I do that,
Lindsay will make me
go to lunch with her!
Well, it's for the
good of the case, honey.
[SIGHS]
♪
Small talk.
Appetizer only.
Get the photos and get out.
Darby, hi!
Hey!
I am so glad we can make this work!
Oh, me too, me too.
I've always wanted to come here,
so this is very exciting for me.
Oh! [CHUCKLES] Yeah!
BOTH: Anyway [LAUGHTER]
I could use your help with
a case, if you're willing.
Oh! Okay, shoot.
Could you send me the photos
you took at the auction?
Like of me and Lucas?
Of everything.
And this is for a case?
Yes.
A mysterious woman ran
our client off the road
because he bought what
turned out to be a worthless
statue of a cat.
And as I say that out loud,
I realize it sounds super made-up,
but your photos might
help us identify her.
Right, yeah. Of course!
Thanks.
Um
[KEYS TAPPING]
Okay, done.
And I sent them to Victoria too.
Oh, good. I really appreciate that.
Yeah.
And I hate to do this, but I should go,
because the case is really heating up.
Darby?
Um, I'd actually really like
us to have a conversation
about Lucas.
Oh.
Okay.
But we should eat first, right?
[LAUGHS]
Yeah!
Hi!
- WAITER: Can I take your order?
- Yes, thank you.
♪
So, what do you think?
Bryn Martell would be so proud!
Lindsay sent the photos
and I printed them out.
- Hmm!
- And here is our mystery woman.
Hmm Is her hair
I dunno how to say this bad?
Yeah.
I think it's a wig. And those glasses?
- Mm-hm.
- She might be in disguise.
Oh!
But we're still no closer to
finding out her real identity.
Yes.
Oh, yes we are!
That is the car that tried
to run me off the road!
- It is?
- Mm-hm!
The license plate's obscured.
But there's this bumper sticker.
It says
Here.
"CompanionAid."
[PHONE BEEPS]
Uh, find "CompanionAid." Oh!
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Oh!
PHONE VOICE: Here's what I found.
It says it's a local staffing agency
for in-home nursing services.
- Call!
- Ooh, okay.
Hello, uh, this is Rory G-Gan
O'Flanagan.
[BAD IRISH ACCENT] Ah,
top 'o the mornin' to ya!
[IN A WHISPER] That's not good.
Um I'm just calling because
I was following one of your cars
that had one of your stickers on it.
And there was a woman driving,
and she went directly
through a crosswalk,
striking a child dead!
- No!
- Oh! Okay, no, not dead.
But certainly not well.
It was just a close call.
And I was wondering,
if I sent you a picture,
I'm sending it right now,
would you be able to tell me
if you recognize this person
as one of your employees?
Have you got it?
Yes, her hair's a little
different, by the way.
Oh?
Is that so?
So, listen
I know there's a lot of
history between you and Lucas.
But, like, ancient history.
Stone age.
We're talking dinosaurs and meteors.
For you, maybe. But not for Lucas.
When you left all those years ago,
Lucas was shattered.
Mainly because he didn't know why you
just ghosted.
I mean, everything's fine now,
it's just when I found him
he was still hurting.
And now, suddenly you're
back in town, and
I would just hate to see him
go back to that dark place.
I'm not ordering you out
of Lucas' life or anything.
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, good.
It's just your presence,
it has an effect on people.
And, well, it's not just Lucas'
happiness at stake anymore.
I can admit I didn't really
handle things well back then.
But the last thing that I
would want to do is hurt Lucas.
Or come between you.
Not not that I'm capable of that!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Obviously.
Um
I wish you two nothing but happiness,
so if that means I have
to keep my distance
I will.
Darby, thank you.
I mean it, I do.
I'm just oh!
Oh, I'm so glad we could clear the air.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
♪
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh, how was lunch?
Like being eaten alive by
beautiful woodland animals.
Where's Rory?
Uh, he's out on the sundeck, resting.
Exhausted from working our case?
Actually, yes. We had
a big breakthrough.
It turns out that "Francesca Diavolo"
is really someone
named Carmella Da Silva,
who used to work for a home-care
company called CompanionAid.
- Used to?
- Mm-hm.
Until she was fired for a complaint
from her past employer, get this
Zelda Hoffman!
Hmm! Well, you figured out a lot.
And it was definitely her car
that ran Rory off the road.
And she went to the
auction in a disguise.
Why was she there? Why
did she bid on the statue?
I have no idea, but it
proves that Rory was right.
You mean, it proves you were right.
Look, I'm just trying to
solve a case for our client.
For our client, or for your new partner?
Is this what this is all about?
You're mad at me because
I let Rory help us?
Well, why wouldn't you?
When he's your number one
fanboy and I'm just, what was it?
"A dark, surly cypher, quick
to anger and slow to apologize"?
You read my pages without my permission?
You had no right!
No right?
You're the one who used
her own daughter as a joke
for the sake of book sales!
That is not what the Clodagh
character is about, at all!
Oh, Victoria, these new
pages are magnificent!
And the Clodagh character is so oh?
You let him read it?
Of course you did.
Darby, please.
You don't care about
me or this partnership.
You're swanning around like
a real-life Bryn Martell.
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?
Are you surprised that I
didn't tell you about Clodagh
when this is how you react?
When all you ever do is
criticize my lifestyle,
my work, and my friends?
At least Rory doesn't treat me
like I'm some kind of delusional idiot!
Fine!
I'll leave you two to it.
And since you guys have
so much fun together,
why don't you kill off Clodagh
and make "Lory" Bryn's new partner?
Then we'll all be happy.
[SIGHS]
how to push my buttons.
It's the whole Bryn Martell thing.
- Mm-hm.
- It's exactly what happened
after my dad died.
My mom became like a
completely different person.
I feel like a teenager when
I'm with my mom and I hate that.
I was so angry back then.
At my dad for dying.
At my mom for dragging
me to Alder Bluffs,
only to then abandon me for her career.
Hey, now if she hadn't dragged you here,
you never would have
met the most handsome
eligible bachelor in Alder Bluffs.
Are you seriously throwing
Lucas at me right now?
Hello, I'm talking about
me! Look at this jaw line!
- I mean
- [LAUGHS] Oh.
That's true.
Okay, well, "eligible
bachelor" no longer applies,
but the rest does.
Look, I-I get it.
That was a rough time for you.
It's why you left.
Is that it, though?
Is that all?
Or do I run from stuff?
Do I push people away?
Well yes.
Sometimes.
But it makes sense.
People with abandonment issues
tend to do the same
to protect themselves.
I knew it.
I'm totally screwed up.
Not totally. Look how far you've come!
Would the Darby of ten
years ago have ever imagined
starting a business with Victoria?
Probably not.
- I mean
- Okay, definitely not.
There we go.
I hope we still have a business.
I said some pretty rough stuff.
How bad could it have been?
I bet she's already over it.
[SCREECHING BRAKES]
RORY: Mm-hm-hm
Okay, Furiosa.
Maybe we should take a breath
before we go and see Moira.
Why? We still have a case to solve.
And if Carmella really
was Zelda's nurse,
then maybe Moira can
tell us where to find her.
Victoria, I love you,
and I know you're upset,
but maybe you should
cut Darby some slack.
What? Why?
I just think I know why
she's been acting out a tad.
You do?
She hasn't been any nicer to you!
Well, Darby's a walking leather jacket.
Her bark is worse than her bite.
And I I, too, tend
to overreact sometimes.
Oh? I hadn't noticed.
Ha. Yeah.
I know what I'm like.
I take offence when people
don't take me seriously.
It's a classic defence mechanism.
And Darby's the same.
Yeah, but you heard what she said.
She's the one that
doesn't take me seriously!
But, uh, maybe she just
feels more comfortable
pushing people away
than being vulnerable.
It's this whole Clodagh thing.
I clearly meant it as
an homage, not an insult!
Her bravery, her sense of justice,
the way Bryn has been longing
to have Clodagh back in her life.
What if Darby looked at it and saw
her own worst fears about herself?
That the distance between Bryn
and Clodagh is all her fault?
Well, technically,
it was the nuns' fault
for lying to Bryn about her
baby dying in childbirth.
Yes
Just to protect the secret
of the lost monk's treasure!
Yeah.
But I get your point.
[BELL RINGS]
♪
Moira!
Sorry to pop in on you like this.
I just wanted you to meet
one of my clients, Victoria.
She's interested in buying some
of the pieces that didn't sell.
Now is really not a great time.
We're sorry to disturb you.
I'm just such an antiques hound.
I guess we'll come back later, okay?
Okay.
Although
I do need to get in touch with
someone on your bidding list.
She bid against me for an item.
Do you have the picture? Yeah.
Do you recognize her?
The one behind the cute couple.
MOIRA: Wait a minute, is that ?
This is my mother's ex-nurse!
I fired her when I caught her stealing.
She kept harassing us.
I-I took out a peace bond against her.
Why is she here? I
Donning a disguise to sneak back in?
This is like something out of a
- A mystery novel?
- Indeed.
We're so sorry to upset you.
We were just trying to
find out where she is.
I have no idea where she is.
I see.
Well, um I nothing?
Okay, great.
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
♪
Oh.
Oh, I'll go make us a great big drink.
I'm sorry, Mom.
What I said was really harsh.
I think I was just trying to
push you away or something,
because that's what I do
apparently.
No, I'm sorry.
I should have never
based a character on you
without asking you first.
But I promise you, it was
never meant it to be hurtful.
RORY: You won't believe this.
Carmella left me a voicemail!
CARMELLA: Rorygan O'Flanagan,
I know you have the statue.
Bring it to 1177 Carlisle
Street or someone will die.
Tell no one and come alone.
What in God's name is
up with that statue?
♪
RORY: Hmm
It's just a cat.
Whoa, whoa, whoa
I can't believe I'm about to do this,
but what is it that
Bryn Martell always says?
Uh, "Vengeance is always
best served like Vichyssoise."
Oh, "A woman's best
weapon is a black dress"?
No.
Oh, "Sometimes the wrong
man is the right answer"!
"Sometimes you have to break
a few eggs to crack a case."
- That's the one.
- I don't remember that one.
Gah! No!
Oh, I spent $3,000 on this
cat, thank you very much!
♪
Is that what I think it is?
Say, "Cheese."
RORY: Well, that's Zelda.
God, she looks awful.
VICTORIA: So Carmella
planted the camera?
Why would someone who's
supposedly stealing
from their employer set
up a secret nanny cam?
Can you fast-forward a bit?
DARBY: Wait, stop.
That's Moira.
ZELDA: Stop.
What are you giving me?
Where's Carmella?
MOIRA: Humph! Mom,
you're confused again!
Carmella quit. She couldn't handle you.
That's why I had to move
home and take care of you.
[IN A WHISPER] Not that you're grateful.
ZELDA: No, wait, wait
Uh, maybe Carmella isn't
the bad guy here after all.
Maybe she planted the
camera because she knew
Moira was up to something
and wanted to keep Zelda
from being put in a home.
Yeah, that's why she wanted it back.
That's why she chased you.
We need to talk to Carmella.
Quickly.
♪
♪
♪
[SEAGULLS CALLING IN DISTANCE]
♪
♪
♪
I told you to come alone!
They're harmless.
Except to each other.
[SIGHS]
RORY: [SIGHS]
MOIRA: [ON VIDEO] Not
that you're grateful.
ZELDA: No, wait, wait
Oh my God!
This is exactly what I was afraid of.
We have to stop Moira!
Tell us what happened
from the beginning.
I had been working with
Zelda for over a year.
We were very close.
Moira was never around.
She only ever called
when she wanted money.
One day, she showed up
and said she was moving in.
Soon after, Zelda started to
show signs of cognitive decline.
It didn't make sense; she
was always sharp as a tack.
That's why I set up the camera.
But before I could retrieve it
Moira fired you for "stealing."
Exactly.
She thought I was asking
too many questions.
I tried to get back in
the house to say goodbye,
but then she claimed
I was harassing them
and filed a peace bond.
Is that when you went to
the auction in disguise?
It was the only chance
to get that camera back.
But you outbid me.
$3,000 for something I
bought at a flea market.
Well, it was a very good reproduction
Once I heard Moira had
moved Zelda to a facility,
I knew something was wrong.
Zelda always said she'd rather die
before ending up in a place like that.
Why did you have to run me off the road?
I didn't!
You were swerving and honking
before I could even lower my window.
Well, you could have at least come back
to see if I was still alive.
I heard sirens, and
with the peace bond and everything
I'm sorry.
We saw in the footage that
she's hooked up to an IV?
What's in that?
I have no idea.
I used to give her a
daily dose of epinephrine
for her low blood sugar, dehydration.
That wouldn't cause
delusions or confusion.
If Moira figured out
that you're onto her,
you're definitely at risk.
♪
VICTORIA: Well, I got Carmella
settled in the guest room.
She's seems to be resting comfortably.
Moira said Zelda was
in a senior care home,
but in order for her to be
admitted against her will,
she would have been assessed
for cognitive decline, right?
Yeah, but you saw the video.
She could barely put
a sentence together.
Yeah, but what about after the
drugs Moira gave her wore off?
If Zelda was still as
sharp as Carmella says,
eventually she would have come around
and said something to the doctors.
Moira realized she
couldn't send Zelda away.
If she did, her secret
would be discovered.
So she's kept her in
the one place she knew
she'd never be found.
The house.
- She's still there!
- Oh!
And we're gonna need a hell
of a plan to get her out.
♪
♪
If Moira's desperate for money,
maybe she'd be willing to let
Victoria and I into the house
if we told her we were interested
in buying the remaining pieces.
It's not just a matter of getting in,
it's a matter of getting poor Zelda out,
and it would be quite a bit
easier if she wasn't drugged.
If I could get to Zelda's IV,
I could identify what she's
on and counter-dose it.
RORY: Hmm!
Uh-uh, it's too risky for
you with the peace bond.
You'll have to tell me what to do.
It's not that simple.
She may need medical supervision.
VICTORIA: [CLEARS THROAT]
Well, we do know someone
with a medical license
who would probably do
anything for you, Darby.
- Hm!
- It's for the good of the case!
It's for Zelda! Lindsay
would understand.
I'm not so sure.
But it's better than
Carmella going to prison.
So our current plan is:
my soon-to-be-wed
ex-boyfriend and I
will break into an old
widow's manor to administer
a "mystery antidote" while
you distract her evil daughter,
who's been suspicious of
us ever since we told her
that her mother's ex-nurse snuck
into her mother's estate auction
in a wig, pretending to be
someone named Francesca Diavolo.
Do I have that right?
VICTORIA: As plans go, that sounds
- 1,000% insane?
- Yes.
Well, it might work!
I mean, it's just like
one of your novels.
That is the problem. Darby is right.
This is a real investigation
with real stakes.
We have to start treating it like that.
Actually, I think Rory's right!
This case has been like one
of your novels from the get-go.
Which is why, and I can't
quite believe I'm saying this,
I think we should be asking
ourselves not what would
Darby do or Victoria, but
what would Bryn Martell do?
Bryn and her daughter, Clodagh.
♪
♪
So when you said "house call"
I know, this looks less than
- Legal?
- [CHUCKLES] Mm-hm!
But I promise I wouldn't
have asked for your help
if someone's life weren't at stake.
All right, I'm here for you.
But, respectfully, I
am not gonna be caught
climbing through some dowager's window.
At least not first, anyway.
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
♪
MOIRA: So is there a particular
piece you're looking for, or ?
VICTORIA: Um
Oh, she'll know it when she sees it.
She has a very discerning eye.
- [GLASS CLINKING]
- Mm-hm!
Oh, you must have so many wonderful
childhood memories in this house!
Yeah, sure. Lots and lots.
♪
DARBY: Carmella said
this one is Zelda's room.
♪
Mrs. Hoffman? Hello?
♪
Morphine sulfate.
- Is that bad?
- Uh-huh.
She's alive, just unconscious.
Now, we can reverse the
effects, but I'll need your help.
- Oh!
- [FLOOR CREAKS LOUDLY]
[GLASS CLANKING LOUDLY]
Oh my, these old houses!
Mine is just the same!
[MAKES A CREAKING NOISE]
Speaking of which, this
is such a big house.
Are you planning on staying here?
Yeah, I dunno. Maybe.
Ah!
[NOISILY RIFLING THROUGH GLASS TRINKETS]
Let's avoid that spot!
Agreed.
Everything good?
- Yeah.
- You sure?
Yeah!
- Let's just wake her up!
- Okay.
All right, I can set up
a saline drip to swap out
the morphine sulphate, but I need you
to administer the naloxone.
Me?
You do it! Why can't I do the IV thing?
Because I'm the one with
eight years of medical school
and I only have so many hands.
You still afraid of needles?
Naloxone is a common
antidote for opioid overdose!
Don't cops literally have
to carry that with them
in case someone ODs?
Yeah, but I always
made my partner do it.
You'll be fine.
[UNZIPS PACK]
♪
♪
- Okay?
- Okay.
- You ready?
- Yeah.
All right. Three, two, one
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING UPSTAIRS]
Can't blame that on an old house!
Call the police! Get
out your pen camera!
DARBY: Just stay
still, okay? Don't move.
What?
What what is what is happening?
You!
How could you do this to me,
you useless waste of space!
How?
This from the mother
who always criticized me,
who never supported me,
who always hid me away
from her society friends
like I was some kind of shameful secret?
This from the daughter who was
never grateful for anything?
You're an embarrassment
who spits in my eye!
Oh, what have I done to
deserve such a wicked child?
I should have killed you
when I had the chance!
- [ALL GASP]
- Whoa!
Whoa, hey, hey!
Say, "Cheese!" You're on camera!
[POLICE SIRENS IN THE BACKGROUND]
I guess our relationship isn't
so dysfunctional after all.
Right?
♪
♪
I'll just be over here, just here.
Smooth, Mom. Thanks.
- Do you
- Thanks for your help.
Well, you know, we've
always made a great team.
Yeah.
I just think maybe our team
days are over for a while.
You have a new life now with Lindsay.
And I have a new life too, with
my mother.
It's not ideal,
but I'm actually sort of
okay with it at the moment.
And why wouldn't you be?
There's no case that the Spencer
Sisters can't solve together.
I can definitely see that.
There's no one quite
like the Spencer women.
♪
You should have this for evidence.
See you 'round.
Yeah.
Thank you!
♪
[AMBULANCE ENGINE
STARTS, DOORS SLAM SHUT]
♪
[POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]
Ugh, you two! I thought I told you to
Do your job for you? No.
But we did it anyway, so you're welcome.
This is all the evidence you
should need to convict Moira
of elder abuse and forcible confinement.
Should be another slam dunk conviction,
unless you want us to
report it ourselves?
Wha no.
No, no, I-I [STAMMERS]
Thank you for bringing
this to me personally.
Of course. Oh, and Detective?
I think you owe Rory here an apology.
I'm I'm sorry, for what?
For doubting him.
It just seems like the right thing to do
under the circumstances, you know?
- VICTORIA: Yes!
- RORY: [CLEARS THROAT]
Mr. Iseñor, I regret
that we weren't able to use
- police resources to
- Mm-mm!
- Mm-mm!
- No, no.
- Try again.
- Okay.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
You were right.
How very gracious of you, Detective.
Okay
- Good.
- [LAUGHS]
Thank you. I really did need that.
It was our pleasure!
Some of the time.
Oh, all of the time!
DARBY: Okay!
VICTORIA: Ugh, this
case! I mean, those two?
There is not enough therapy
in the world! [LAUGHS]
For what it's worth, Mom,
I know you weren't actually
trying to replace me.
Never.
I just
With Clodagh, I wanted to
get it right first, you know?
I wanted to make it clear
that Clodagh was the thing
that Bryn was missing all along.
That she needed her.
I can see that.
And who knows?
Maybe Clodagh will end
up feeling the same way.
Does this mean I get to
keep her in the book?!
- She can stay.
- Oh, yes!
- You have to change her name.
- What?
Ugh! Okay Bésame?
- No.
- Um
- Italia?
- That's worse!
Oh, I've got it! Cayenne!
No! Mom, absolutely not!
But you're so spicy!
DARBY: I like Agatha.
VICTORIA: Ugh! No way!
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪