The Tick (2016) s01e05 Episode Script

1 TICK: The true hero stays above it all, using their keen senses to feel through the fog, to penetrate the din, and hear that one tiny voice on the wind, crying out for help.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
It's easy to lose sight of the big picture.
I mean, come on, people, the world is a ginormous place, am I right? Flashy.
Crime, nastiness and evil rear their foul, odorous heads in every corner of the globe.
And that's saying something, because globes don't even havecorners.
Every three seconds, an innocent life is on the brink of disaster.
Murder and mayhem are down everyone's block, locked, loaded and heading this way.
What do you do, hero? What do you do? All right, he's moving.
TICK: You've got to gird your loins and slap steel into your spine because one day that tiny voice you hear crying out on the wind may be your own.
[SCREAMING.]
NEWS ANCHOR: This is a News 3 V-L-M update.
We have eyewitness reports that Superian has been spotted heading towards the V-L-M's location.
Handing it over to Chet Riley on the scene.
Chet.
CHET [ON TV.]
: Yes, we can confirm that Superian is on the scene and has brought the V-L-M to a halt.
ANCHOR: Do you have a sense of the V-L-M's reaction? CHET: It's hard to say, but his curiosity has certainly been aroused.
So that's Superian.
Look at him strong, caped.
And he can fly.
Arthur should see this.
I don't want to die! I don't want to die! Oh, please, please, please.
Please, please, please, please please.
[PANTING.]
Yes, yes! No! No! Pull up! Pull up, pull up, pull up! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, yes.
GRAHAM DYCKMAN [ON TV.]
: You weren't with The Flag Five when they were defeated by The Terror.
You were at a veterinarian at the time, isn't that correct? MIDNIGHT [ON TV.]
: Well, look, Graham, you need to understand that heartworm is a very serious and potentially fatal disease.
I still struggle with survivor's guilt.
But they died 15 years ago, and I had to find a way to get back on my own four feet.
You wrote, very movingly, about the death of your master, Christian Soldier.
Chris was not my master.
We were equal partners.
Every one of the Five were.
GRAHAM: But isn't it true that Christian Solider did rescue you and name you Onward? Yeah.
He also crate-trained me, baptized me, and turned me into a Crusader for Christ.
Just like all of you, I was domesticated.
-Mm-hmm.
And it took my team's death for me to realize there is no God, there is only Dog.
GRAHAM: That's very profound.
DANGERBOAT: Do you have to eat straight out of the can? There is a little thing called quality of life.
Treat yourself to a plate - and a side salad.
- Leave me alone.
You don't even know what's in that.
Mostly hoof.
And salt.
It won't be a bullet that kills you.
- I'm trying to hear this.
- GRAHAM: Your honesty and openness about your journey have really struck a chord with readers.
I wrote Good Intentions as a form of therapy.
But if it resonates with other people, then I am humbled.
I hate that fuckin' dog.
- GRAHAM: You were - [ALARM SOUNDING.]
What do we got? My radar is picking up something over The City.
- Identify.
- Currently classified UFO.
Can we get a visual? All right, let me tap into a satellite.
- Stand by.
- OVERKILL: Enhance.
- Enhancing.
- Enhance.
- DANGERBOAT: Enhance.
- OVERKILL: Enhance.
DANGERBOAT: Enhancing Oh.
It's a big butterfly.
Son of a bitch.
Okay, okay, there's got to be something.
There's got to be something.
Stupid icons.
What do these mean? Okay.
Is that a bear in a sombrero? Phone! Yes, yes, yes.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
Hello.
ARTHUR [ON PHONE.]
: Oh, hey, Dot.
Hey, it's Arthur.
Uh, could I speak to Tick, please? Arthur? I thought you were upstairs.
No, I, uh went out to, uh, g-get ice.
We have more than enough ice.
The party's almost over.
What's that whooshing sound? Uh, the street cleaner.
Hey, could you just put The Tick on, please? It's for you.
Thank you.
No, you idiot.
Arthur's on the phone.
- He needs to talk to you.
- Oh.
Arthur? Are you reading me? Tick, Tick, I'm in trouble! - I'm in the air! I'm flying! - Really? Good for you, chum.
Imagine what you could do if you had that suit back.
I do have the suit, okay?! I'm wearing the suit right now.
Miss Lint made me put it on! That electric she-devil? When did you see her?! She's Paloma, Tick! I'm not following.
Never mind, never mind.
I'm going to die.
Okay? Can you follow that?! I can't figure out how to stop flying.
I don't know how to work this stupid thing.
Relax, chum.
Take a couple of deep breaths.
I'm on my way.
Okay, Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick, just stay on the line, okay? Stay on the line, and don't tell Dot anything.
Don't tell sister anything.
Copy that.
Hey, where are you going with my phone? I need to be in touch with your brother at all times.
Why? What's going on? Is he in trouble? That's a lot of questions Arthur doesn't want me to answer.
I'm coming with you.
Arthur didn't say anything about that.
TICK [ON PHONE.]
: Arthur, it's me The Tick.
Yes, Tick, I know! Which direction are you heading? - Up! - Going to need a little more to go on there, chum.
Can you make out any landmarks? Tick, it's a little hard for me to see things right now.
O-Okay, wait a second, I-I see a water tower coming up.
Dot, would you happen to know, are there any water towers in the vicinity? Water towers? Um, yeah.
There's one over by the old scout camp.
Fantastic! Head for that water tower.
- We'll meet you there.
- What do you mean "we"? I'm with Dot.
She's driving.
Tick, I told you not to tell her anything! Oh, don't worry, chum.
- She's none the wiser.
- Give me that.
- [SPEAKER BEEPS.]
- Arthur, what kind of trouble are you in? Have you been arrested again? Uh, no, no, of course not.
You don't have to worry about that.
Well, then why can't you tell me what's going on? Uh, 'cause you're not gonna like it.
Whoa, whoa, what-what are you doing? Attempting to make visual contact.
In the sky? Why would Ah! There he is.
Hey, chum! Hang in there! We're coming! Oh, my God.
RAMSES IV: Signal's off the map grid entirely.
That little bastard.
He put it on.
He's flying.
- Flying? - [STAMMERING.]
- Go that way.
- There's no road there.
Just go.
[GRUNTS.]
Swear to Ra.
When I find whoever stole that suit, I'm gonna cut him to pieces.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
["BADFISH" BY SUBLIME PLAYING.]
Damn.
[LAUGHS.]
[SNIFFLES.]
What happened to you? Go back to your room, Derek.
I'm in no mood.
Aw, Jesus.
You're gonna track that crud all over the floor.
Stay there.
I'm gonna put some newspaper down.
I'm not a goddamn puppy.
Well, you're gonna ruin the Turkish rugs.
I swear to God.
If you say one more word.
Are you a badfish, too? But I ain't got no money to spend You need a towel? Yes.
I need a towel.
Okay.
Lord knows I'm weak.
DOT: You gave my brother a flying suit? Of course not.
Destiny gave it to him.
I served more in a delivery man capacity.
And now that he has it, Arthur has a part to play.
A purpose.
This is not working for me.
The things you say and how you are with the, the whole with the And with these, with no.
Just, just no.
- No? - No.
No to having a purpose, no to all this destiny bullshit.
You're gonna get Arthur killed.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's vexing, I know, but we don't choose.
Arthur does.
He chooses.
Okay, well, that.
That is a very bad choice.
What if Arthur is awesome? What if his job is to spread his wings and soar? What if you're awesome, too? But you don't know it, because you're looking at a burning flame on the horizon called Arthur, and you want to run up and stomp it out like a rhino on the veldt.
Don't be Rhino Dot.
Be Happy Camper Dot.
Grab your chocolate and marshmallows and come bask in the glow.
- You're insane.
- ARTHUR: Hey, guys? I-I think I know why I keep rising.
I think this thing's on autopilot.
Gonna try switching it off, okay? Great! Switch away.
No, Arthur, you don't know what that'll do.
Let me call 911.
Yeah, I don't think the fire department has a long enough ladder, Dot.
- [BEEPS.]
- [SHOUTS.]
Arthur! [SCREAMING.]
Come on, Arthur, tame that bull! [SCREAMING.]
[PANTING.]
: Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, I should not have eaten that hot dog.
Arthur, are you okay? Uh, yeah, I am now.
Uh, yeah, I put the autopilot back on.
Good.
Keep it on.
I'll have to beg to differ.
What? Don't listen to him.
Arthur, you've spread your wings, now it's time for you to take control.
Tick, what are you talking about? Tiny friend, you can't continue floating like an ostrich feather in the hurricane, letting people tell you how to live, where to work, when to stop breathing.
You have this, Arthur.
You're in control.
Arthur, don't listen.
We'll figure out a way to get you down safely.
I don't know about that, Tick, I don't know, I don't know.
Sure you do! Your control panel was inside you all along.
You're the master of your fate, commander of your future, steerer of your steering wheel.
ARTHUR: There is no steering wheel! Destiny did not give you that suit to die in.
You can do this! [BEEPS.]
[SCREAMS.]
[WIND BLOWING.]
I think, I think I'm doing it.
- Of course you are.
- Can you land? Of course he can.
Arthur, I saw a field just before the water tower.
Do you see it? Yeah, I can see.
- I can see it.
- I call it the ideal place to get you firmly back on terra firma.
Okay.
- He's going too fast.
- TICK: Looking good, Arthur.
DOT: No, he's coming down too fast.
Like a noble albatross, wings spread, beak up.
Magnificent! This is gonna hurt.
[GRAPPLE LINE REELING.]
What? [GRUNTS.]
Sorry, chum, I didn't catch what you said right after "What? Ah.
" Where did he go? [GRUNTS.]
You said you didn't have the suit.
- Look - Liar.
No, no.
No, I'm not a liar.
- I just got it back from Miss Lint.
- Lint? She say anything to you about me? No, not really.
- What is it with you two? - Shut up.
Okay, look, please, just don't take the suit.
- I'm taking the suit.
- I need it, okay? I need to figure out why The Terror wants it.
So do I.
How did you even figure out he was still alive? -I didn't.
- You did.
- What? I thought he was dead just like everyone else.
Until I found your Reddit thread, Truthseeker89.
You read my Reddit? - GunSkull-17.
- No.
Well, I guess that makes sense, actually, with the guns You found the Urmanian connection.
Figured out The Terror's M.
O.
Saw what I couldn't see.
[CAR HORN HONKING.]
TICK: Arthur! [BRAKES SCREECH.]
You just said it yourself.
I'm the one who figured all this out.
You need me.
DOT: Arthur? TICK: Careful, Dot.
Let me handle this murder machine.
Tell your blue gorilla to stand down.
Oh, but this gorilla wants to tango.
You want to dance, freak? Come on, let's freaking dance You've been lying to me this whole time? How am I supposed to help you if I don't know what's going on? [EXHALES.]
We're trying to have a fight here.
Seriously, Arthur, where do you find these people? Dark alleys.
Work.
I told you not to hang around with superheroes.
I told you it would put you over the edge look at you.
You're, you're flying around like a lunatic.
You think I want this? I don't want any of this.
We could maybe have a fight over there.
Nah, moment's passed.
Not feeling it.
- [BEEP.]
- DANGERBOAT: Come in, Overkill.
I have possible hostiles coming in on your left.
-Hmm.
Hmm? Spooky.
[VEHICLES APPROACHING.]
Aha.
The inevitable confrontation.
MAN: What is it? That suit you got on is my property, sport.
You stole that thing from the Pyramid gang? [WHISPERING.]
: No, I didn't steal it, Tick stole Never mind, okay? - Just stay behind me.
- Listen, son, why don't you take it off and hand it over? We'll be on our way.
We don't want any trouble.
Your mouth says one thing, your guns say some other things, bald, bad man.
[GUNS COCK.]
- You're not getting this suit.
- Right on! - Arthur, what are you doing? - Just stay back.
You have no idea who I am, do you, moth boy? No, I know exactly who you are.
You and your men You're behind every crime, every racket in this town.
And I know more than that.
I know why you want this suit so badly.
It's 'cause the guy you work for wants it.
I don't work for anybody.
Oh, sure you do.
You work for The Terror.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know he's alive and I know he's pulling your strings.
And I'm this close to proving it.
And when he goes down, you go down! TICK: Okay.
This is the part where you say "Kill them all!" and I start punching.
Don't tell me what to say.
- Destroy them all! - Hmm.
[SHOUTING.]
I'd like to say in advance, I do not support his methods.
[GRUNTING.]
Hmm.
[MEN GROANING.]
TICK: Ha, ha.
You okay? Good.
Then run! Run! Come on! Move! Move! Arthur! - I'm good.
Stay down.
- Are you okay? - I'm okay, I'm okay.
- Let me see, let me see.
How are you okay? - I'm bulletproof.
- What?! - [GRUNTS.]
- Don't encourage him.
Get me that suit! All this time we thought you were crazy.
We were so wrong.
I saw it in Ramses' eyes.
You were right.
The Terror is alive.
[MAN SCREAMING.]
- [DOT GASPING, BODY THUDS.]
- Yeah, I know.
I'm gonna check it out, okay? Be careful.
- DOT: Oh! - [GUN COCKS.]
Hey, you're the girl from [BOTH YELL.]
Thanks.
Yeah, no problem.
[GRUNTING.]
- [MAN YELLS.]
- Don't touch me.
Easy, Slashy.
Let's go! Come on! Not so fast, you mascaraed madman.
[RAMSES IV GRUNTS.]
[LAUGHING.]
: All right.
You and me, we both want the same thing.
You're not getting this suit, though.
Fine.
But we're gonna have to work near each other.
- You mean together? - Did you hear me say "together"? Please tell me you're not considering teaming up with Mr.
Stabby here? ARTHUR: Tick, I-I think we need his help.
This guy knows where The Terror is.
Let's get it out of him.
Arthur, how can I put this? Murder is it's just not cool.
Yeah, I agree, Tick.
No one's saying that murder's cool, okay? OVERKILL: I'll take that.
Maybe him a-a little bit.
Hey, now that's enough, mister! [CAR ENGINE STALLS.]
Does everything have to be a crime with you? [SIGHS.]
Asshole.
Arthur, you can't go with them.
I'm done arguing, Dot, okay? I'm not arguing, I Arthur, please.
They're going after The Terror.
I have to follow through on this.
You and I, we're just we're just people.
We're collateral damage.
If you try to fight The Terror, you'll die.
I'm not looking for a fight, okay? That's not what this is.
I can't lose you like I lost Dad.
So I I need you to come back with me now, okay? Please, Arthur, just get in the car and come home with me.
Let Tick and Skull-face take care of this.
That's what they do, right? Dot Are you coming or not? TICK: Whoa.
Check out that sleek, black sliver of death.
You okay, chum? Your sister seemed pretty upset.
Yeah.
I-I don't want to talk about it.
Come on.
I know you can see us.
Open up already! DANGERBOAT: You've brought company.
How nice.
Who knew you could make friends? Shut your keelhaul.
[AIR HISSING.]
You have a partner on the boat? - My partner is the boat.
- Neat.
I want to look at the video on that suit.
[SPEAKING URMANIAN.]
DANGERBOAT: "Hello, I am science.
" "Dr.
Mischa Karamazov.
"Project Achilles is top-classified "only to opera-tor.
- "Operator.
" - Uh, hey, is this thing safe? 'Cause my skull is kind of buzzing.
- Hmm.
- Please don't touch that.
Resume translation.
[SPEAKING URMANIAN.]
DANGERBOAT: "Now you are proud to sacrifice" with haircut, skeleton, Urmania.
" Dangerboat, what the hell? It's the best Urmanian-to-English program - I could find on the Net.
- Well, it's for shit.
Well I didn't see you on Yahoo or whatever, did I? Arthur, this man is having an argument with his boat.
DANGERBOAT: Excuse me, blue person.
I'm not his boat.
- We just live together.
- Come again? Dangerboat's operating system went A.
I.
in 2012.
- Okay, I guess that's cool.
- Resume translation.
"The wingsuit you're wearing was ladies' magazine "uh, was fashioned for your armchair "arms weapons system for ass to harass To combat the foreign element.
" "That foreign element.
" Project Achilles is a weapon system.
Oh, my God.
And this suit's a part of it.
- Ow! - That's why The Terror wants it.
But it doesn't tell us how to get to him.
I bet Ramses could tell us how to find him.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING.]
[HAIR DRYER STOPS.]
Hello, Janet.
Miss me? [WHEEZING LAUGH.]