The Umbrella Academy (2019) s01e05 Episode Script
Number Five
1 - ["IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT" PLAYING.]
- One, two One, two, three, four Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na, na-na-na-na-na Na-na They tell me You've touched the face of God Like the sound of a rope Cracking on your neck They tell me you'd never give it up [WHEELS SQUEAKING.]
Like the song that was soul singing In your head So, honey, please don't let go You'd better learn to fly 'Cause they're gonna Point you up at the sky - [WIND WHIPPING.]
- The more that you want it The more that you need it I know that you'll be by my side In the heat of the moment When the thunder and lightnin' come I know that you'll be by my side Na-na-na-na-na Na-na, na-na-na-na-na Na-na That lovin' man ain't no rollin' stone At the sound of the drums I'm gonna set you free - I talk to him on the telephone - [VULTURE SCREAMS.]
And these are the words That he gave to me So, honey, please don't let go [FIVE CHUCKLING.]
Do you remember that, uh, little mansion just outside the city limits? Where we [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it turns out the wine cellar was untouched.
Picked up a few cases of your favorite Bordeaux.
[CHUGS.]
[SIGHS.]
Hm.
Ah, that's an exaggeration.
I don't drink too much.
You know, I work hard all day.
I - Why would you even say that? - [RUBBLE FALLING.]
And the more that you want it [RIFLE COCKS.]
The more that you need it I know that you'll be by my side In the heat of the moment When the thunder and lightnin' come I know that you'll be by my side Na-na-na-na-na, na-na When's it supposed to happen? This apocalypse.
I can't give you the exact hour, but from what I could gather, we have four days left.
Why didn't you say something sooner? - [FIVE.]
It wouldn't have mattered.
- Of course it would.
We could've banded together and helped you try to stop this thing.
For the record, you already tried.
What do you mean? I found all of you.
Your bodies.
We die? [FIVE.]
Horribly.
You were together, trying to stop whoever it was that ends the world.
Wait, how do you know that? This was clutched in your dead hand when I found you.
Must've ripped it out of their head right before you went down.
Whose head? Like I said, I don't know.
Well, there's a serial number on the back.
- Think maybe you could try - [FIVE.]
No, that's a dead end.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's just another hunk of glass.
[DIEGO.]
Piece of shit.
- Do you have any idea what you just did? - [GRUNTS.]
Nope, let me Get your ape hands off of me! [LUTHER.]
I can do this as long as it takes you to calm down.
[PANTING.]
Fine.
Now, wanna tell us what you're talkin' about? Our brother's been pretty busy since he got back.
He was in the middle of that shootout at Griddy's, and then at Gimble Brothers, after the guys in masks attacked the Academy, looking for him.
None of which is any of your concern.
It is now.
[PANTING.]
They just killed my friend.
Who are they, Five? They work for my former employer.
A woman called The Handler.
She sent them to stop me.
Then, soon as Diego's friend got in their way, well, fair game.
And now they're my fair game.
And I'm gonna see to it they pay.
That would be a mistake, Diego.
They've killed people far more dangerous than you.
[DIEGO.]
Yeah, we'll see about that.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[HORN HONKS.]
[SIRENS WAILING.]
[MOTOR IDLING.]
[LUTHER.]
Former employer? What's this really about? And don't give me any of this "It's none of your business" crap, all right? Well, it's a long story.
- [FIVE.]
Who the hell are you? - [WOMAN.]
I'm here to help.
[FIVE.]
Tell me why I shouldn't put a bullet through your head right now! [WOMAN.]
Because if you did, you wouldn't hear the offer I'm about to make you.
Which would be rather tragic, given your current circumstances.
I work for an organization called the Commission.
We are tasked with the preservation of the time continuum through manipulation and removals.
I don't understand.
Sometimes, people make choices that alter time.
Free will, don't get me started.
When that happens, we dispatch one of our agents to eliminate the threat.
No, no, no, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
You misunderstand me.
You're not a target.
You're a recruit.
I've come to offer you a job, Number Five.
We've had our eye on you for quite some time.
And we think you have a lot of potential.
Your survival skills have made you quite a celebrity back at headquarters.
That and your ability to jump through time.
You saying that I I could actually leave here? [STUTTERS.]
Go Go back? In return for five years of service.
Once your contract is done, you can retire to the time and place of your choosing with a pension plan to boot.
If you can alter time, why not just stop all of this from ever happening? [HANDLER.]
That's quite impossible, I'm afraid.
You see all of this, it was supposed to happen.
That's insane.
The end of everything? Not everything.
Just the end of something.
So do we have an agreement? [SCOFFS.]
[FIVE.]
They turned me into the perfect instrument for rehabilitation of the time continuum.
[LOUD BLAST.]
[FIVE.]
Or "corrections," as they called them.
I wasn't the only one.
There are others like me.
Beings out of time, fractured, extracted from the lives that they knew.
I don't know how they got there.
But I do know that none of them were as good as me.
[ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
Dallas Love Field, the Dallas-Fort Worth area broadcasters bring you a special description of the arrival of President John F.
Kennedy.
And the crowd yells, and the president of the United States [CROWD CHEERING.]
[ANNOUNCER 2 ON RADIO.]
to get another view of the president as he and his First Lady depart Love Field.
[ANNOUNCER 3 ON RADIO.]
The presidential car moving out.
The president and First Lady head out for downtown Dallas, where thousands should already be on the street right now [FIVE.]
They didn't realize it, but I was biding my time, trying to figure out the right equation so I could get back.
If I could just get back, I knew I could stop the apocalypse.
Save the world.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
Dallas police out here in force today, doing a beautiful job of handling the crowd along with a contingent of Texas Rangers.
So I broke my contract.
- [RADIO ANNOUNCER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
- [WHOOSHING.]
- [ANNOUNCER.]
all the way down - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
it'll turn on Houston Street and go past [DIEGO.]
Oh - What - [WIND HOWLING.]
[VANYA.]
What is it? [LUTHER.]
Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.
- Out of the way! - [DIEGO.]
What are you doing? Wait! [KLAUS GRUNTS.]
- [WHOOSHES, CLANGS.]
- [ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
no coincidence that remarkable security measures are in effect, checking the routes of travel of the people with the president.
Everything and anything involving - [WHOOSHING.]
- [FIVE YELPS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
has been checked, rechecked, and then checked again.
- [DIEGO.]
Wait! - [LUTHER.]
Whoa, whoa, wait! Everyone, behind me.
[ANNOUNCER.]
without exhaustive security investigation.
The presidential suite has been examined, and [FIVE YELLS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
until the president's security and safety are confirmed [BLASTS.]
[ELECTRICITY CONTINUES CRACKLING.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
The shot appears to have come from a grassy knoll - [GUNSHOT.]
- near the street where the motorcade was moving.
- [WOMAN.]
They shot the president! - [ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
He is dead.
[ANNOUNCER 2 ON RADIO.]
The president is dead.
So you were a hit man? Yes.
Uh I mean, you had a code, right? You didn't kill just anybody.
No code.
We took out anyone who messed with the time line.
What about innocent people? It was the only way I could get back here.
- But that's murder.
- Jesus, Luther, grow up.
We're not kids anymore.
There's no such thing as good guys or bad guys.
There's just people, goin' about their lives.
But when the world ends, all those people die, including our family.
[SIGHS.]
Time changes everything.
[METAL CLATTERS.]
[WHOOSHING, ZAPS.]
["MARY" BY BIG THIEF PLAYING.]
The planets in a rose Who knows what they contain? And my brain is like an orchestra Playing on, insane Will you love me like you loved me - In the January rain? - [CRYING SILENTLY.]
Mom and Dad and violins Somber country silence The needle stopped the kicking - [BRIEFCASE ZAPPING.]
- The clothespins on the floor - And my heart is playin' hide and seek - [BRIEFCASE BUZZES.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- Wait and count to four Will you love me like you loved me? - And I'll never ask for more - [CRYING SOFTLY.]
[SOBBING.]
- [POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES.]
- [CLATTERING AND BANGING.]
It's not here.
Maybe the junkie took it.
No shit.
Any other brilliant insights you wanna throw at me? - Yeah, I got a couple.
- [WHOOSHING.]
[CLANG.]
"Violation code 6870-4A, unauthorized round-trip travel to 1968.
Explanation required.
" Shit, the junkie.
What the hell does he think this is? - A travel agency? - [WHOOSHING.]
Damn it, Hazel.
I know.
If we don't get that case back soon, we're screwed.
We wouldn't be if you stuck to protocol and carried the briefcase with you.
Well, maybe if you carried it once in a while, we wouldn't have this problem! My physical therapist isn't even covered by insurance.
You don't hear me complaining! Oh, so this is you suffering in silence.
- Can we not do this now? - [CHA-CHA.]
Fine.
We need to get back to that family compound and find that junkie.
Are you serious? We barely got out alive last time.
We can't go back until we know what we're dealing with.
I'll do some digging on the family while you look for that junkie.
- Let's get our briefcase.
- Fine.
[KNOCKING.]
- Hey.
- [ALLISON.]
Morning.
Hey, nice scarf.
- Are you wearing makeup? - [VANYA.]
Just a little.
[SIGHS.]
Damn.
- [ALLISON.]
What's wrong? - [SIGHS.]
I ran out of my meds yesterday.
I usually keep my refill in my butter container, but all I seem to have is butter, so [ALLISON.]
Well, I brought you a surprise.
Bomboloni, from Petrola's bakery.
- Just like when we were kids.
- That is so sweet, but I'm gonna save it, 'cause I'm meeting Leonard for breakfast.
Flowers yesterday, brunch this morning.
You're really jumpin' in with both feet.
- [SCOFFS.]
What's wrong with that? - Well, how well do you know him? Well, enough to get breakfast, if that's what you're asking.
It's just, after yesterday, I don't [SIGHS.]
I have a bad feeling.
Allison.
I haven't seen you in 12 years, and all of a sudden you're giving me dating advice? I'm still your sister, and I am concerned about you and him.
What are you concerned about? Leonard seems perfectly charming, perfectly thoughtful.
Perfect, really.
But I've been around long enough to know that when something seems too perfect, it's usually anything but.
Like a woman who's based her whole life on rumors.
Some people actually mean what they say.
Uh Vanya! [SCOFFS.]
["(FEELS LIKE) HEAVEN" BY FICTION FACTORY PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[VANYA.]
Hey.
Whew.
Heaven is closer now today What? [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Nothing.
You just seem happy.
[VANYA.]
Well, honestly, I feel the best I have felt in a long time.
Oh, yeah? I mean, it's crazy.
I've been on this medication since I can't even remember.
And I ran out yesterday, and I feel great.
If you feel better without it, then why bother even taking it? Oh, speaking of drugs, I got you a cup of coffee.
Oh, thanks.
Allison came by earlier and brought me one.
Think I'm good.
Well, you two are spending a lot of quality time together, huh? [VANYA.]
Hmm, sort of.
We haven't seen each other in years.
Ever since she's been back, she's been - trying to be a big sister.
- [LEONARD.]
Uh-huh.
[VANYA.]
Even though we're the same age.
[LEONARD.]
You are? - [VANYA.]
We were all born the same day.
- Oh, right.
Right.
The, uh uh, whole umbrella thing.
I forgot that.
- That must've been weird.
- [VANYA.]
You have no idea.
I mean, no birthday boy, no birthday girl, just birthday kids.
I mean, can you imagine sharing your birthday with six world-famous assholes who all know they're better than you? [SCOFFS.]
I can't.
[CHUCKLES.]
Maybe I will have some coffee.
[LEONARD.]
You know, I don't think your sister likes me very much.
[VANYA.]
No.
No, it's She just doesn't think I'm capable of making my own decisions.
[LEONARD.]
She may have a point.
You did just put salt in your coffee.
- [VANYA.]
Oh, shit, sorry.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm sorry.
- I just have a lot on my mind.
- [LEONARD.]
Hm.
[VANYA.]
I got a call earlier that Hm.
They're holding auditions for first chair in my orchestra.
Wait a second, what happened to the What happened to the other girl? I don't know, she just stopped showing up.
Well, good.
That's great news.
- You get a chance to audition.
- No.
[CHUCKLES.]
- No, I'm I'm not ready for that.
- [LEONARD.]
Vanya.
You are an amazing violinist.
You already taught me how to play "Frère Jacques" in under an hour.
That's pretty impressive.
I'm telling you, if you believe in yourself for once, just once, great things are gonna happen for you.
["ALLEGRETTO FROM SYMPHONY NO.
7 OP.
92" BY BEETHOVEN PLAYING.]
[WATER RUNNING.]
[SIGHS.]
[MUSIC SWELLS.]
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING.]
[MUSIC DISTORTS.]
[GASPS.]
[LIGHT BUZZING.]
[MUSIC DISTORTION CONTINUES.]
[KLAUS.]
Dave! [HELICOPTER FLIES LOW OVERHEAD.]
[KLAUS, ECHOING.]
Dave! - [RAPID BEEPING.]
- [KLAUS SCREAMS.]
Dave! [LOUD, DISTORTED BUZZING.]
[KLAUS.]
Dave! [GASPING.]
[EXHALES.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [SIGHS.]
[KLAUS.]
Oh, boy [GROANS.]
[KLAUS SIGHS.]
[KLAUS GROANS.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
You okay? Hey.
Yeah, I just Long night.
[CHUCKLES.]
More than one, from the looks of it.
- [KLAUS.]
Yeah.
- [FIVE.]
Don't remember the dog tags.
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah, they belonged to a friend.
- [DOG TAGS JINGLE.]
- How about that new tattoo? You know, I don't totally remember even getting it.
Like I said, it was a long night.
- You did it, didn't you? - [KLAUS.]
What are you talkin' about? You know, I can recognize the symptoms, Klaus.
[KLAUS.]
Symptoms of what? The jet lag.
- Full body itch.
- [KLAUS SIGHS.]
[FIVE.]
Headache that feels like someone shoved a box of cotton up into your nose and through your brain.
You gonna tell me about it? Your pals, when they broke into the house and they couldn't find you, they took me hostage instead.
- And in return, you stole their briefcase.
- [KLAUS.]
Yeah.
I thought there was money in it, or I could pawn it, you know, whatever.
[SIGHS.]
And then I opened it.
And the next thing you knew, you were where? Or should I say when? - [KLAUS.]
What difference does it make? - [FIVE.]
What diff Uh Okay, how long were you gone? - Almost a year.
- A year? - Do you know what this means? - Yeah, I'm ten months older now.
[FIVE.]
No, this isn't any sort of joke, Klaus.
Hazel and Cha-Cha will do whatever they can to get the briefcase.
- Where is it now? - [KLAUS.]
Gone.
I destroyed it.
Poof.
What the hell were you thinking? [KLAUS.]
What do you care? What do I care? I needed it, you moron, so I could get back.
- I could start over.
- Just Just - Where you going? - Interrogation's over, just leave.
[FIVE MUTTERS.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[PATCH.]
Diego, you need to let me handle this.
You're not equipped You always loved telling me what I can and can't do.
You know, maybe for once, just try things my way.
[LATCHES CLICK.]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
- [KLAUS.]
What happened here? - [DIEGO.]
You look like shit.
[KLAUS.]
Why, thank you.
Hey, where you going? - Nope.
- What? - I'm not giving you a ride.
- Oh, come on, man.
- You know I can't drive.
- I don't c Okay, great.
I'll just get my things.
Two minutes.
[SIGHS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
- [WOMAN SNEEZES.]
Bless you.
Oh.
Thanks.
[GASPS, SIGHS.]
Long time, no see.
[HAZEL.]
Well busy today, huh? Oh.
Tuesday specials.
Cream-filleds are half off.
If we don't sell them by midnight, they get as hard as hockey pucks.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yes.
- [AGNES.]
So.
What can I get ya? That's a good question.
Glazed.
Reliable, simple.
- Chocolate's rich and sensual.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Cherry-filled.
Big upside, greatest potential for disappointment.
I don't know what to do.
I think I'll just sit here and think about it.
Well, you better figure it out in a hurry, because I'm about to go on my lunch break.
Well, I could eat.
Ah.
You okay? [DIEGO.]
Wow.
This is a first.
My brother Klaus is silent.
Last time you were this quiet, we were 12.
Ran down the stairs wearing Grace's heels, tripped over, and broke your jaw.
How long was it wired shut again? Eight weeks.
Eight glorious weeks of bliss.
Hey, just just drop me off here.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
- [DIEGO.]
You sure you okay, man? - [KLAUS SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
["MEMORY BOUND" BY DON MCGINNIS PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I've been here And listened to the music Lost in its cloaked lonely sound While the jukebox played on And I listened to the song I know I'm memory bound Hey, Dave.
I don't know how you slipped - Through my fingertips - [CRYING SOFTLY.]
[WHISTLING SOUND.]
- [CRASHING.]
- [KLAUS.]
Dave! Dave! - [GUNFIRE.]
- [KLAUS.]
Dave! - [SIGHS.]
- down [SNIFFLES.]
But there, in the darkness [SNIFFLES.]
I can still see your smile - And I know - [KISSES.]
- Your shot.
- [SIGHS.]
Though I try to tell myself - I've forgotten - [SIGHS.]
Just go away, please.
- Not until you talk to me.
- I guess I'll [SIGHS.]
Is that a threat? You threatening me? Hey, guys.
This bar? It's for vets only.
I am a vet.
[VETERAN.]
Really? [CHUCKLES.]
Where'd you serve? None of your business.
You got balls comin' in here, pretendin' you're one of us.
Oh, I have every right to be here, just like you.
Asshole.
[DIEGO.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
Slow down, Marine.
All right? My brother's just had a few too many.
Let's just call it a day, all go our own way.
- Sure thing.
- [DIEGO.]
Thank you.
- Klaus - As long as you apologize.
[KLAUS GIGGLES.]
Fine.
I'm sorry.
He's sorry.
We're all sorry.
So are we good? I wanna hear him say it.
- [DIEGO.]
Hey, man, I'm just trying to - No, no.
He's right, Diego.
He's right.
He's right.
I'd like to apologize that you are depriving some village of their idiot! - [DIEGO SHOUTS.]
- [VETERAN GRUNTS.]
[MEN CLAMORING.]
I know - I'm memory bound - [KLAUS YELLS.]
[BLOWS LANDING.]
And I know I'm memory bound - [BIRDS SINGING.]
- This is nice.
Mm.
Yeah.
My friends live here.
I'm a twitcher.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- What's that, like a drug thing? No! [LAUGHS.]
No, that's what we bird-watchers call each other.
Oh! Well - [CHUCKLES.]
- [BIRD CALLING.]
Oh, you see, now, there's [CLICKS TONGUE.]
a red-bellied sapsucker.
Looks like he's a little shy with the ladies.
[SIGHS.]
Wow, look over there.
That is a jack pine warbler, also known as a Kirtland warbler, very rare.
- Hm.
- [SIGHS.]
So, you just - sit here and watch 'em? - Mm-hmm.
- You don't shoot at 'em or anything? - Never.
I just I like how free they are, just completely in the moment.
You know, when they're hungry, they eat, when they're tired, they nest, when they're horny, they - Oh.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY.]
Secret of life, huh? Keep things simple.
We just complicate everything.
Oh, isn't that the truth? - I used to enjoy my life.
- Mm-hmm? It was all about work, really.
Lately, I just - find myself goin' through the motions.
- Oh.
I'm on the road 52 weeks a year, no place to call home.
Oh.
Well, that must be so hard, not being in one place long enough to get comfortable.
I mean, I would miss my bed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't even own a bed.
That is so sad.
I mean, everybody should have a nest to fly to when they're tired.
- What about you? - Mm? My guess is you don't wanna spend the rest your life sellin' doughnuts to people like me.
Well, I've been saving a nest egg to, uh to move to the country.
I'm gonna have a vegetable garden and maybe even open up my own bakery, and experiment with vegan doughnuts.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Hm? - That's a nice plan.
- Yeah.
Another year or so, I will have saved enough to go.
Hey, you might wanna fast-track your timeline.
Really? Why? Life is short.
Hm.
Future doesn't come with any guarantees.
You want somethin' in life, you gotta go for it.
Yeah.
[BIRD SINGING.]
[KLAUS CHUCKLING.]
You got a big mouth, you know that? Oh, wow.
What a truly shocking revelation, Diego.
Everything's a big joke to you, right? Would you stop it? Why are you putting this shit in your body? - [BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
- Check this out.
Hm? My body is a temple.
- All that shit you do, it's just weakness.
- Oh, wow, beautiful.
Well, weakness feels so good.
- What's goin' on with you? Huh? - Don't hit me, asshole! Don't tell me everything is all right, because I saw you in there.
- You were crying like a baby! - Because I lost someone! [SIGHS.]
I lost someone.
The only [SIGHS.]
The only person I've ever truly loved more than myself.
Cheers.
- [SWALLOWS.]
- Well, you're luckier than most.
When you lose someone, at least you can see them whenever you want.
That's our man.
Hey, I know that guy.
How could you possibly know that He and a really angry lady tortured me.
I barely got out with my life.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- We gotta get this guy.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[CHALK TAPPING ON BLACKBOARD.]
Oh.
Okay, I think I've got something, Delores.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [FIVE.]
It's tenuous, but promising.
Who you talkin' to? What is all this? [FIVE.]
It's a probability map.
Probability of what? Of whose death could save the world.
I've narrowed it down to four.
Are you saying one of these four people causes the apocalypse? No, I'm saying that their death might prevent it.
[LUTHER.]
Oh.
[CHALK CONTINUES TAPPING ON BLACKBOARD.]
I'm not following.
Time is fickle, Luther.
The slightest alteration in events can lead to massively different outcomes in the time continuum.
The butterfly effect.
So all I have to do is find the people with the greatest probability of impacting the time line, wherever they may be, and kill them.
Oh, yeah [LUTHER.]
Milton Greene.
So who's he, a terrorist or something? I believe he is a gardener.
You can't be serious.
Wait, this is madness, Five.
You - Wh Where'd you get that? - In Dad's room.
I think he used it to shoot a rhinoceros.
It's similar to the model I used at work.
Nice shoulder fit and highly reliable.
But you can't This guy Milton is just an innocent man.
[FIVE.]
It's basic math.
His death could potentially save the lives of billions.
If I did nothing, he'd be dead in four days anyway.
The apocalypse won't spare anyone.
We don't do this kind of thing.
We are not doing anything.
I am.
I can't let you go and kill innocent people.
No matter how many lives you'll save.
Well, good luck stopping me.
- [SIGHS.]
- You're not going anywhere.
Put her down.
[LUTHER.]
Put the gun down.
You're not killing anyone.
I know she's important to you, so don't make me do this.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [LUTHER.]
It's either her or the gun.
You decide.
- [WHOOSHES.]
- Phew.
[PANTING.]
I can keep doin' this all day.
[SIGHS.]
I know you're still a good person, Five.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have risked everything coming back here to save us all.
But you're not on your own anymore.
[SIGHS.]
There is one way.
But it's just about impossible.
More impossible than what brought you back here? [SIGHS.]
[PLAYING "GIGUE FROM PARTITA NO.
2 IN D MINOR" BY JS BACH SLOWLY.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Oh, hey.
- [ALLISON.]
Hey.
Can I come in? [VANYA.]
Well Sorry, I really need to rehearse.
Uh Look, I know you're not gonna want to hear this, but I was just in the library looking up Leonard.
- [VANYA.]
What? - And [VANYA.]
Why would you do that? Vanya, there are records of literally everything.
I mean, you look me up, there are miles You're one of the most famous people in the world.
Okay.
Bad example.
My point is that there should be some kind of record of him, but all I could find is a photo and his name in the phone book.
- It's like he didn't exist - [VANYA.]
You are unbelievable.
You're trying to dig up dirt on a guy that I like.
Who does that? [ALLISON.]
Look, I've had my fair share of stalkers and creeps.
I don't trust him.
You mean you don't trust me.
- [ALLISON.]
What? No.
That's - This is not about you.
And for the first time, someone thinks I'm special.
I'm just worried about you.
Well, you're not my mother.
Worry about your own daughter.
[SIGHS.]
That's not fair.
I want you to leave.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[LOCK BEEPS, CLICKS.]
Singles instead of doubles.
What's next, futons on the floor? What difference does it make? We're only here another night.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
I've been in every pawn shop all over town, lookin' for our briefcase.
You've been relaxing in the library.
Well, at least we know somethin' on the family that can help.
It's like a Hargreeves family handbook.
[CHA-CHA.]
Let me tell you, they're a real freakin' mess.
Number Five can time travel without a briefcase, but not that well.
The big oaf lived on the moon for a few years.
- [BEEPING.]
- [CHA-CHA.]
The junkie can conjure the dead, which explains why he knew about the dead Russian yesterday.
And the idiot in the mask can curve anything he throws, - usually knives.
- [CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
Well, he's the one we need to worry about now.
- Why? - 'Cause he's in the parking lot, hiding behind an ice-cream truck.
Bingo.
You do know that killing these people is not gonna make you feel any better.
Yeah, but when it's done - [KLAUS CHUGGING.]
- I'm gonna sleep like a baby.
Sure you will.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[GUN COCKS.]
Motel clerk.
It's from Five.
How'd he find us? Well, he was us.
He knows all the protocols.
He says he has the briefcase.
Wants to set up a meeting.
Come on, we're late already.
What about our friends outside? Last thing we need's a tail.
- Manila, 1902? - Let's just go with the ice bucket.
[SIGHS.]
- Stay in the car.
- What are you talkin' about? This guy tortured me.
I have a plan.
So, what exactly is the plan here, big guy? I told you to wait in the car.
Yeah, but you also told me that licking a nine-volt battery would give me pubes.
We were eight.
[DIEGO.]
Uh-uh, uh-uh - [KLAUS.]
What? Come on.
- For once, I need you to listen to me, okay? Now, go back to the car.
If I don't come out in two minutes, that means I'm probably dead.
- So - That happens, go get help.
- Okay? - [SIGHS.]
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
- [HORSE NEIGHING.]
- [GUNFIRE.]
- [CROWD SCREAMING ON TV.]
- [GUNFIRE ON TV.]
[HORSE NEIGHING ON TV.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[DIEGO YELLS.]
- [GROANING.]
- [GUNFIRE CONTINUES.]
Oh, man.
See? You used to think I was an idiot.
- I still think you're an idiot.
- [CAR SPEEDS AWAY.]
- They're getting away.
- You're welcome.
- [DIEGO GROANS.]
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Shit.
- Get in the car.
Oh [DIEGO SIGHS.]
- Was this all part of your master plan? - Shut up.
[KLAUS.]
Hm? [SIGHS.]
[CONDUCTOR SIGHS.]
What is your name again? [SOFTLY.]
Vanya.
[CONDUCTOR.]
Louder, please.
Vanya Hargreeves.
Right.
Well? [PLAYING "GIGUE FROM PARTITA NO.
2 IN D MINOR" BY JS BACH CONFIDENTLY.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[NOTES RESONATING AND DISTORTING.]
[NOTES ECHOING.]
[CAR APPROACHES.]
- [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
- [KEYS JANGLE.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[CAR ALARM BEEPS.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[KEYS JANGLING.]
[FRONT DOOR OPENS.]
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES.]
[VANYA'S PLAYING CONTINUES.]
[SIGHS.]
[FIVE SIGHS.]
You know, I never enjoyed it.
What? The killing.
I mean, I was I was good at my work, and I I took pride in it.
But it never gave me pleasure.
[SIGHS.]
I think it was all those years alone.
Solitude can do funny things to the mind.
[LUTHER.]
Yeah, well, you were gone for such a long time.
I only spent four years on the moon, but that was more than enough.
It's the being alone that breaks you.
You think they'll buy it? Well, what I do know is that they're desperate.
It's like a cop losing his gun.
If the Commission finds out, they'll be in deep shit.
Oh, not to mention the fact that they'll be stuck here until they get it back.
- Well, I should hold onto it.
- [FIVE.]
Hm? In case they make a move on you.
Okay, Luther, but be careful.
I mean, I've I've lived a long life, but you're still a young man.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
Don't waste it.
- [CAR APPROACHING.]
- [FIVE.]
Hmm Here we go.
If this all goes sideways, do me a favor and tell Delores I'm sorry.
[CAR DOOR OPENS.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[FIVE.]
The masks really necessary? - So where is it, kid? - Wow, that's how you're gonna start.
You know, we can get right back in our car and call it a day.
You won't even make it halfway there.
[FIVE.]
Maybe.
But as I'm sure you found out in your previous foray, - my brother is not your average giant.
- [HAZEL.]
He's right.
You dropped a chandelier on him, got right back up.
[FIVE.]
By the time you took him out, he'd smash your precious briefcase to a pulp.
Probably us too, right? So, how do we help each other? I need you to get in contact with your superior so I can have a chat with her.
- Face-to-face.
- About what? Well, I don't believe that's any of your concern.
Just don't tell her about the briefcase.
Fair enough.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [MODEM CONNECTING.]
What happens now? Now we wait.
[WIND WHISTLING.]
[ICE-CREAM TRUCK CHIMES PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES".]
Is that her? [ORCHESTRA PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES".]
What the hell is he doing here? - Go faster! - Whee! It's a setup! - [CHA-CHA AND HAZEL GROAN.]
- [GUN FIRES, ECHOES.]
[HANDLER.]
Neat trick, isn't it? Hello, Five.
You look good, all things considered.
It's good to see you again.
Feels like we met just yesterday.
Course, you were a little bit older then.
Congratulations on the age regression, by the way.
Very clever.
- Threw us all off the scent.
- Ah, well, I wish I could take credit.
I just miscalculated the time dilation projections, and Well, you know.
Here I am.
You realize your efforts are futile.
So why don't you tell me what you really want? I want you to put a stop to it.
You realize what you're asking for is next to impossible, even for me.
What's meant to be is meant to be.
That's our raison d'être.
Yeah? Well how about survival as a raison? I'll just be replaced.
I'm but a small cog in a machine.
This fantasy you've been nurturing about summoning up your family to stop the apocalypse is just that.
A fantasy.
I must say, though, we're all quite impressed with your initiative, your stick-to-itiveness, really quite quite something.
Which is why we want to offer you a new position back at the Commission, in management.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, what's that now? Come back to work for us again.
You know it's where you belong.
Well, it didn't work out too well the last time.
But you wouldn't be in the correction division any longer.
I'm talking about the home office.
You'd have the best health and pension, and an end to this ceaseless travel.
You're a distinguished professional in schoolboy shorts.
We have the technology to reverse the process.
I mean, you you can't be happy like this.
I'm not looking for happy.
We're all looking for happy.
We can make that happen.
We can make you yourself again.
[SIGHS.]
And what about my family? What about them? I want them to survive.
[SIGHS.]
All of them? Yes, all of them.
Well I'll see what I can do.
Do we have a deal? One thing.
[GUN CLATTERS.]
[HANDLER SIGHS.]
[FIVE.]
Mm no.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Ah.
[WHOOSHES AND ZAPS.]
- [CHIMES CONTINUE PLAYING.]
- [HAZEL SCREAMS.]
- [BOTH GRUNT.]
- [DISTORTED CHIMING.]
- [KLAUS.]
Good God! - Five? - [KLAUS.]
Oh! Ow! - Five! [HAZEL PANTING.]
Come get it! [GERARD WAY AND RAY TORO'S "HAPPY TOGETHER" PLAYING.]
[CLATTERS.]
- Imagine me and you, I do - [DIEGO GRUNTS.]
[KLAUS.]
Come on.
Come on.
- Day and night - [DIEGO.]
Wait.
My shoes hurt.
What the hell are you guys doing here? - And hold her tight - [BROTHERS SHOUTING.]
- [HAZEL.]
No! Shit! - [GUN CLICKING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- If I should call you up - Get in the car.
- Invest a dime And you say you belong to me And ease my mind Imagine how the world could be So very fine - So happy together - [KLAUS.]
Luther, go! Go! Let's go! [ENGINE REVS.]
- [KLAUS.]
Whoo! - [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Lovin' nobody but you - [BEN.]
Whoo-hoo! - For all my life - [HAZEL.]
Damn it! When you're with me, baby The skies'll be blue For all my life - Shit! - Me and you, and you and me - [KNOCKING.]
- No matter how they toss the dice Hey.
How'd it go? - Honestly? - Yeah.
It was amazing! You know, I've never played without my medication before, so I was so nervous.
But, I don't know, it was like I was carried along by, um like, an invisible force.
- Like an out-of-body experience.
- Yeah, sort of.
It's just like I I felt everything more fully, more deeply.
- And I got it.
- What? - I got first chair! - You did? Oh, my God, congratulations! Oh, I'm so happy for you.
After everything you've been through.
You deserve this.
No one's ever believed in me like this.
Vanya.
Vanya.
This is your time.
So happy together I can't see me Lovin' nobody but you - For all my life - [MUSIC DISTORTS.]
When you're with me, baby The skies'll be blue - For all my life - [CHANDELIER RATTLING.]
Me and you, and you and me - No matter how they toss the dice - [WHOOSHING.]
It had to be The only one for me is you And you for me - So happy together - [WIND WHISTLING.]
Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba - Me and you, and you and me - Aah, aah - No matter how they toss the dice - Aah, aah - It had to be - [CRACKING.]
- The only one for me is you - Aah, aah And you for me So happy together So happy together - So happy together - [GATE RATTLING.]
Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba - Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba - [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
Ba-ba-ba-ba - Me and you, and you and me - Aah, aah, aah No matter how they toss the dice How are you feeling? [WHIRRING.]
Fine.
[POGO.]
Do you remember what happened? I do.
And do you understand that the children can never know? I understand.
Good.
So happy together [ROCK VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING.]
- One, two One, two, three, four Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na, na-na-na-na-na Na-na They tell me You've touched the face of God Like the sound of a rope Cracking on your neck They tell me you'd never give it up [WHEELS SQUEAKING.]
Like the song that was soul singing In your head So, honey, please don't let go You'd better learn to fly 'Cause they're gonna Point you up at the sky - [WIND WHIPPING.]
- The more that you want it The more that you need it I know that you'll be by my side In the heat of the moment When the thunder and lightnin' come I know that you'll be by my side Na-na-na-na-na Na-na, na-na-na-na-na Na-na That lovin' man ain't no rollin' stone At the sound of the drums I'm gonna set you free - I talk to him on the telephone - [VULTURE SCREAMS.]
And these are the words That he gave to me So, honey, please don't let go [FIVE CHUCKLING.]
Do you remember that, uh, little mansion just outside the city limits? Where we [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it turns out the wine cellar was untouched.
Picked up a few cases of your favorite Bordeaux.
[CHUGS.]
[SIGHS.]
Hm.
Ah, that's an exaggeration.
I don't drink too much.
You know, I work hard all day.
I - Why would you even say that? - [RUBBLE FALLING.]
And the more that you want it [RIFLE COCKS.]
The more that you need it I know that you'll be by my side In the heat of the moment When the thunder and lightnin' come I know that you'll be by my side Na-na-na-na-na, na-na When's it supposed to happen? This apocalypse.
I can't give you the exact hour, but from what I could gather, we have four days left.
Why didn't you say something sooner? - [FIVE.]
It wouldn't have mattered.
- Of course it would.
We could've banded together and helped you try to stop this thing.
For the record, you already tried.
What do you mean? I found all of you.
Your bodies.
We die? [FIVE.]
Horribly.
You were together, trying to stop whoever it was that ends the world.
Wait, how do you know that? This was clutched in your dead hand when I found you.
Must've ripped it out of their head right before you went down.
Whose head? Like I said, I don't know.
Well, there's a serial number on the back.
- Think maybe you could try - [FIVE.]
No, that's a dead end.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's just another hunk of glass.
[DIEGO.]
Piece of shit.
- Do you have any idea what you just did? - [GRUNTS.]
Nope, let me Get your ape hands off of me! [LUTHER.]
I can do this as long as it takes you to calm down.
[PANTING.]
Fine.
Now, wanna tell us what you're talkin' about? Our brother's been pretty busy since he got back.
He was in the middle of that shootout at Griddy's, and then at Gimble Brothers, after the guys in masks attacked the Academy, looking for him.
None of which is any of your concern.
It is now.
[PANTING.]
They just killed my friend.
Who are they, Five? They work for my former employer.
A woman called The Handler.
She sent them to stop me.
Then, soon as Diego's friend got in their way, well, fair game.
And now they're my fair game.
And I'm gonna see to it they pay.
That would be a mistake, Diego.
They've killed people far more dangerous than you.
[DIEGO.]
Yeah, we'll see about that.
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[HORN HONKS.]
[SIRENS WAILING.]
[MOTOR IDLING.]
[LUTHER.]
Former employer? What's this really about? And don't give me any of this "It's none of your business" crap, all right? Well, it's a long story.
- [FIVE.]
Who the hell are you? - [WOMAN.]
I'm here to help.
[FIVE.]
Tell me why I shouldn't put a bullet through your head right now! [WOMAN.]
Because if you did, you wouldn't hear the offer I'm about to make you.
Which would be rather tragic, given your current circumstances.
I work for an organization called the Commission.
We are tasked with the preservation of the time continuum through manipulation and removals.
I don't understand.
Sometimes, people make choices that alter time.
Free will, don't get me started.
When that happens, we dispatch one of our agents to eliminate the threat.
No, no, no, no.
[CHUCKLES.]
You misunderstand me.
You're not a target.
You're a recruit.
I've come to offer you a job, Number Five.
We've had our eye on you for quite some time.
And we think you have a lot of potential.
Your survival skills have made you quite a celebrity back at headquarters.
That and your ability to jump through time.
You saying that I I could actually leave here? [STUTTERS.]
Go Go back? In return for five years of service.
Once your contract is done, you can retire to the time and place of your choosing with a pension plan to boot.
If you can alter time, why not just stop all of this from ever happening? [HANDLER.]
That's quite impossible, I'm afraid.
You see all of this, it was supposed to happen.
That's insane.
The end of everything? Not everything.
Just the end of something.
So do we have an agreement? [SCOFFS.]
[FIVE.]
They turned me into the perfect instrument for rehabilitation of the time continuum.
[LOUD BLAST.]
[FIVE.]
Or "corrections," as they called them.
I wasn't the only one.
There are others like me.
Beings out of time, fractured, extracted from the lives that they knew.
I don't know how they got there.
But I do know that none of them were as good as me.
[ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
Dallas Love Field, the Dallas-Fort Worth area broadcasters bring you a special description of the arrival of President John F.
Kennedy.
And the crowd yells, and the president of the United States [CROWD CHEERING.]
[ANNOUNCER 2 ON RADIO.]
to get another view of the president as he and his First Lady depart Love Field.
[ANNOUNCER 3 ON RADIO.]
The presidential car moving out.
The president and First Lady head out for downtown Dallas, where thousands should already be on the street right now [FIVE.]
They didn't realize it, but I was biding my time, trying to figure out the right equation so I could get back.
If I could just get back, I knew I could stop the apocalypse.
Save the world.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
Dallas police out here in force today, doing a beautiful job of handling the crowd along with a contingent of Texas Rangers.
So I broke my contract.
- [RADIO ANNOUNCER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY.]
- [WHOOSHING.]
- [ANNOUNCER.]
all the way down - [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
it'll turn on Houston Street and go past [DIEGO.]
Oh - What - [WIND HOWLING.]
[VANYA.]
What is it? [LUTHER.]
Looks like some sort of temporal anomaly.
- Out of the way! - [DIEGO.]
What are you doing? Wait! [KLAUS GRUNTS.]
- [WHOOSHES, CLANGS.]
- [ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
no coincidence that remarkable security measures are in effect, checking the routes of travel of the people with the president.
Everything and anything involving - [WHOOSHING.]
- [FIVE YELPS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
has been checked, rechecked, and then checked again.
- [DIEGO.]
Wait! - [LUTHER.]
Whoa, whoa, wait! Everyone, behind me.
[ANNOUNCER.]
without exhaustive security investigation.
The presidential suite has been examined, and [FIVE YELLS.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
until the president's security and safety are confirmed [BLASTS.]
[ELECTRICITY CONTINUES CRACKLING.]
[ANNOUNCER.]
The shot appears to have come from a grassy knoll - [GUNSHOT.]
- near the street where the motorcade was moving.
- [WOMAN.]
They shot the president! - [ANNOUNCER ON RADIO.]
He is dead.
[ANNOUNCER 2 ON RADIO.]
The president is dead.
So you were a hit man? Yes.
Uh I mean, you had a code, right? You didn't kill just anybody.
No code.
We took out anyone who messed with the time line.
What about innocent people? It was the only way I could get back here.
- But that's murder.
- Jesus, Luther, grow up.
We're not kids anymore.
There's no such thing as good guys or bad guys.
There's just people, goin' about their lives.
But when the world ends, all those people die, including our family.
[SIGHS.]
Time changes everything.
[METAL CLATTERS.]
[WHOOSHING, ZAPS.]
["MARY" BY BIG THIEF PLAYING.]
The planets in a rose Who knows what they contain? And my brain is like an orchestra Playing on, insane Will you love me like you loved me - In the January rain? - [CRYING SILENTLY.]
Mom and Dad and violins Somber country silence The needle stopped the kicking - [BRIEFCASE ZAPPING.]
- The clothespins on the floor - And my heart is playin' hide and seek - [BRIEFCASE BUZZES.]
- [SCREAMING.]
- Wait and count to four Will you love me like you loved me? - And I'll never ask for more - [CRYING SOFTLY.]
[SOBBING.]
- [POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES.]
- [CLATTERING AND BANGING.]
It's not here.
Maybe the junkie took it.
No shit.
Any other brilliant insights you wanna throw at me? - Yeah, I got a couple.
- [WHOOSHING.]
[CLANG.]
"Violation code 6870-4A, unauthorized round-trip travel to 1968.
Explanation required.
" Shit, the junkie.
What the hell does he think this is? - A travel agency? - [WHOOSHING.]
Damn it, Hazel.
I know.
If we don't get that case back soon, we're screwed.
We wouldn't be if you stuck to protocol and carried the briefcase with you.
Well, maybe if you carried it once in a while, we wouldn't have this problem! My physical therapist isn't even covered by insurance.
You don't hear me complaining! Oh, so this is you suffering in silence.
- Can we not do this now? - [CHA-CHA.]
Fine.
We need to get back to that family compound and find that junkie.
Are you serious? We barely got out alive last time.
We can't go back until we know what we're dealing with.
I'll do some digging on the family while you look for that junkie.
- Let's get our briefcase.
- Fine.
[KNOCKING.]
- Hey.
- [ALLISON.]
Morning.
Hey, nice scarf.
- Are you wearing makeup? - [VANYA.]
Just a little.
[SIGHS.]
Damn.
- [ALLISON.]
What's wrong? - [SIGHS.]
I ran out of my meds yesterday.
I usually keep my refill in my butter container, but all I seem to have is butter, so [ALLISON.]
Well, I brought you a surprise.
Bomboloni, from Petrola's bakery.
- Just like when we were kids.
- That is so sweet, but I'm gonna save it, 'cause I'm meeting Leonard for breakfast.
Flowers yesterday, brunch this morning.
You're really jumpin' in with both feet.
- [SCOFFS.]
What's wrong with that? - Well, how well do you know him? Well, enough to get breakfast, if that's what you're asking.
It's just, after yesterday, I don't [SIGHS.]
I have a bad feeling.
Allison.
I haven't seen you in 12 years, and all of a sudden you're giving me dating advice? I'm still your sister, and I am concerned about you and him.
What are you concerned about? Leonard seems perfectly charming, perfectly thoughtful.
Perfect, really.
But I've been around long enough to know that when something seems too perfect, it's usually anything but.
Like a woman who's based her whole life on rumors.
Some people actually mean what they say.
Uh Vanya! [SCOFFS.]
["(FEELS LIKE) HEAVEN" BY FICTION FACTORY PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[VANYA.]
Hey.
Whew.
Heaven is closer now today What? [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHING.]
Nothing.
You just seem happy.
[VANYA.]
Well, honestly, I feel the best I have felt in a long time.
Oh, yeah? I mean, it's crazy.
I've been on this medication since I can't even remember.
And I ran out yesterday, and I feel great.
If you feel better without it, then why bother even taking it? Oh, speaking of drugs, I got you a cup of coffee.
Oh, thanks.
Allison came by earlier and brought me one.
Think I'm good.
Well, you two are spending a lot of quality time together, huh? [VANYA.]
Hmm, sort of.
We haven't seen each other in years.
Ever since she's been back, she's been - trying to be a big sister.
- [LEONARD.]
Uh-huh.
[VANYA.]
Even though we're the same age.
[LEONARD.]
You are? - [VANYA.]
We were all born the same day.
- Oh, right.
Right.
The, uh uh, whole umbrella thing.
I forgot that.
- That must've been weird.
- [VANYA.]
You have no idea.
I mean, no birthday boy, no birthday girl, just birthday kids.
I mean, can you imagine sharing your birthday with six world-famous assholes who all know they're better than you? [SCOFFS.]
I can't.
[CHUCKLES.]
Maybe I will have some coffee.
[LEONARD.]
You know, I don't think your sister likes me very much.
[VANYA.]
No.
No, it's She just doesn't think I'm capable of making my own decisions.
[LEONARD.]
She may have a point.
You did just put salt in your coffee.
- [VANYA.]
Oh, shit, sorry.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm sorry.
- I just have a lot on my mind.
- [LEONARD.]
Hm.
[VANYA.]
I got a call earlier that Hm.
They're holding auditions for first chair in my orchestra.
Wait a second, what happened to the What happened to the other girl? I don't know, she just stopped showing up.
Well, good.
That's great news.
- You get a chance to audition.
- No.
[CHUCKLES.]
- No, I'm I'm not ready for that.
- [LEONARD.]
Vanya.
You are an amazing violinist.
You already taught me how to play "Frère Jacques" in under an hour.
That's pretty impressive.
I'm telling you, if you believe in yourself for once, just once, great things are gonna happen for you.
["ALLEGRETTO FROM SYMPHONY NO.
7 OP.
92" BY BEETHOVEN PLAYING.]
[WATER RUNNING.]
[SIGHS.]
[MUSIC SWELLS.]
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING.]
[MUSIC DISTORTS.]
[GASPS.]
[LIGHT BUZZING.]
[MUSIC DISTORTION CONTINUES.]
[KLAUS.]
Dave! [HELICOPTER FLIES LOW OVERHEAD.]
[KLAUS, ECHOING.]
Dave! - [RAPID BEEPING.]
- [KLAUS SCREAMS.]
Dave! [LOUD, DISTORTED BUZZING.]
[KLAUS.]
Dave! [GASPING.]
[EXHALES.]
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [SIGHS.]
[KLAUS.]
Oh, boy [GROANS.]
[KLAUS SIGHS.]
[KLAUS GROANS.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
You okay? Hey.
Yeah, I just Long night.
[CHUCKLES.]
More than one, from the looks of it.
- [KLAUS.]
Yeah.
- [FIVE.]
Don't remember the dog tags.
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah, they belonged to a friend.
- [DOG TAGS JINGLE.]
- How about that new tattoo? You know, I don't totally remember even getting it.
Like I said, it was a long night.
- You did it, didn't you? - [KLAUS.]
What are you talkin' about? You know, I can recognize the symptoms, Klaus.
[KLAUS.]
Symptoms of what? The jet lag.
- Full body itch.
- [KLAUS SIGHS.]
[FIVE.]
Headache that feels like someone shoved a box of cotton up into your nose and through your brain.
You gonna tell me about it? Your pals, when they broke into the house and they couldn't find you, they took me hostage instead.
- And in return, you stole their briefcase.
- [KLAUS.]
Yeah.
I thought there was money in it, or I could pawn it, you know, whatever.
[SIGHS.]
And then I opened it.
And the next thing you knew, you were where? Or should I say when? - [KLAUS.]
What difference does it make? - [FIVE.]
What diff Uh Okay, how long were you gone? - Almost a year.
- A year? - Do you know what this means? - Yeah, I'm ten months older now.
[FIVE.]
No, this isn't any sort of joke, Klaus.
Hazel and Cha-Cha will do whatever they can to get the briefcase.
- Where is it now? - [KLAUS.]
Gone.
I destroyed it.
Poof.
What the hell were you thinking? [KLAUS.]
What do you care? What do I care? I needed it, you moron, so I could get back.
- I could start over.
- Just Just - Where you going? - Interrogation's over, just leave.
[FIVE MUTTERS.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[PATCH.]
Diego, you need to let me handle this.
You're not equipped You always loved telling me what I can and can't do.
You know, maybe for once, just try things my way.
[LATCHES CLICK.]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING.]
- [KLAUS.]
What happened here? - [DIEGO.]
You look like shit.
[KLAUS.]
Why, thank you.
Hey, where you going? - Nope.
- What? - I'm not giving you a ride.
- Oh, come on, man.
- You know I can't drive.
- I don't c Okay, great.
I'll just get my things.
Two minutes.
[SIGHS.]
- [SCOFFS.]
- [WOMAN SNEEZES.]
Bless you.
Oh.
Thanks.
[GASPS, SIGHS.]
Long time, no see.
[HAZEL.]
Well busy today, huh? Oh.
Tuesday specials.
Cream-filleds are half off.
If we don't sell them by midnight, they get as hard as hockey pucks.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Yes.
- [AGNES.]
So.
What can I get ya? That's a good question.
Glazed.
Reliable, simple.
- Chocolate's rich and sensual.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Cherry-filled.
Big upside, greatest potential for disappointment.
I don't know what to do.
I think I'll just sit here and think about it.
Well, you better figure it out in a hurry, because I'm about to go on my lunch break.
Well, I could eat.
Ah.
You okay? [DIEGO.]
Wow.
This is a first.
My brother Klaus is silent.
Last time you were this quiet, we were 12.
Ran down the stairs wearing Grace's heels, tripped over, and broke your jaw.
How long was it wired shut again? Eight weeks.
Eight glorious weeks of bliss.
Hey, just just drop me off here.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
- [DIEGO.]
You sure you okay, man? - [KLAUS SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
["MEMORY BOUND" BY DON MCGINNIS PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I've been here And listened to the music Lost in its cloaked lonely sound While the jukebox played on And I listened to the song I know I'm memory bound Hey, Dave.
I don't know how you slipped - Through my fingertips - [CRYING SOFTLY.]
[WHISTLING SOUND.]
- [CRASHING.]
- [KLAUS.]
Dave! Dave! - [GUNFIRE.]
- [KLAUS.]
Dave! - [SIGHS.]
- down [SNIFFLES.]
But there, in the darkness [SNIFFLES.]
I can still see your smile - And I know - [KISSES.]
- Your shot.
- [SIGHS.]
Though I try to tell myself - I've forgotten - [SIGHS.]
Just go away, please.
- Not until you talk to me.
- I guess I'll [SIGHS.]
Is that a threat? You threatening me? Hey, guys.
This bar? It's for vets only.
I am a vet.
[VETERAN.]
Really? [CHUCKLES.]
Where'd you serve? None of your business.
You got balls comin' in here, pretendin' you're one of us.
Oh, I have every right to be here, just like you.
Asshole.
[DIEGO.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.
Slow down, Marine.
All right? My brother's just had a few too many.
Let's just call it a day, all go our own way.
- Sure thing.
- [DIEGO.]
Thank you.
- Klaus - As long as you apologize.
[KLAUS GIGGLES.]
Fine.
I'm sorry.
He's sorry.
We're all sorry.
So are we good? I wanna hear him say it.
- [DIEGO.]
Hey, man, I'm just trying to - No, no.
He's right, Diego.
He's right.
He's right.
I'd like to apologize that you are depriving some village of their idiot! - [DIEGO SHOUTS.]
- [VETERAN GRUNTS.]
[MEN CLAMORING.]
I know - I'm memory bound - [KLAUS YELLS.]
[BLOWS LANDING.]
And I know I'm memory bound - [BIRDS SINGING.]
- This is nice.
Mm.
Yeah.
My friends live here.
I'm a twitcher.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- What's that, like a drug thing? No! [LAUGHS.]
No, that's what we bird-watchers call each other.
Oh! Well - [CHUCKLES.]
- [BIRD CALLING.]
Oh, you see, now, there's [CLICKS TONGUE.]
a red-bellied sapsucker.
Looks like he's a little shy with the ladies.
[SIGHS.]
Wow, look over there.
That is a jack pine warbler, also known as a Kirtland warbler, very rare.
- Hm.
- [SIGHS.]
So, you just - sit here and watch 'em? - Mm-hmm.
- You don't shoot at 'em or anything? - Never.
I just I like how free they are, just completely in the moment.
You know, when they're hungry, they eat, when they're tired, they nest, when they're horny, they - Oh.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY.]
Secret of life, huh? Keep things simple.
We just complicate everything.
Oh, isn't that the truth? - I used to enjoy my life.
- Mm-hmm? It was all about work, really.
Lately, I just - find myself goin' through the motions.
- Oh.
I'm on the road 52 weeks a year, no place to call home.
Oh.
Well, that must be so hard, not being in one place long enough to get comfortable.
I mean, I would miss my bed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I don't even own a bed.
That is so sad.
I mean, everybody should have a nest to fly to when they're tired.
- What about you? - Mm? My guess is you don't wanna spend the rest your life sellin' doughnuts to people like me.
Well, I've been saving a nest egg to, uh to move to the country.
I'm gonna have a vegetable garden and maybe even open up my own bakery, and experiment with vegan doughnuts.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Hm? - That's a nice plan.
- Yeah.
Another year or so, I will have saved enough to go.
Hey, you might wanna fast-track your timeline.
Really? Why? Life is short.
Hm.
Future doesn't come with any guarantees.
You want somethin' in life, you gotta go for it.
Yeah.
[BIRD SINGING.]
[KLAUS CHUCKLING.]
You got a big mouth, you know that? Oh, wow.
What a truly shocking revelation, Diego.
Everything's a big joke to you, right? Would you stop it? Why are you putting this shit in your body? - [BLOWS RASPBERRY.]
- Check this out.
Hm? My body is a temple.
- All that shit you do, it's just weakness.
- Oh, wow, beautiful.
Well, weakness feels so good.
- What's goin' on with you? Huh? - Don't hit me, asshole! Don't tell me everything is all right, because I saw you in there.
- You were crying like a baby! - Because I lost someone! [SIGHS.]
I lost someone.
The only [SIGHS.]
The only person I've ever truly loved more than myself.
Cheers.
- [SWALLOWS.]
- Well, you're luckier than most.
When you lose someone, at least you can see them whenever you want.
That's our man.
Hey, I know that guy.
How could you possibly know that He and a really angry lady tortured me.
I barely got out with my life.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- We gotta get this guy.
- [ENGINE STARTS.]
[CHALK TAPPING ON BLACKBOARD.]
Oh.
Okay, I think I've got something, Delores.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
- [FIVE.]
It's tenuous, but promising.
Who you talkin' to? What is all this? [FIVE.]
It's a probability map.
Probability of what? Of whose death could save the world.
I've narrowed it down to four.
Are you saying one of these four people causes the apocalypse? No, I'm saying that their death might prevent it.
[LUTHER.]
Oh.
[CHALK CONTINUES TAPPING ON BLACKBOARD.]
I'm not following.
Time is fickle, Luther.
The slightest alteration in events can lead to massively different outcomes in the time continuum.
The butterfly effect.
So all I have to do is find the people with the greatest probability of impacting the time line, wherever they may be, and kill them.
Oh, yeah [LUTHER.]
Milton Greene.
So who's he, a terrorist or something? I believe he is a gardener.
You can't be serious.
Wait, this is madness, Five.
You - Wh Where'd you get that? - In Dad's room.
I think he used it to shoot a rhinoceros.
It's similar to the model I used at work.
Nice shoulder fit and highly reliable.
But you can't This guy Milton is just an innocent man.
[FIVE.]
It's basic math.
His death could potentially save the lives of billions.
If I did nothing, he'd be dead in four days anyway.
The apocalypse won't spare anyone.
We don't do this kind of thing.
We are not doing anything.
I am.
I can't let you go and kill innocent people.
No matter how many lives you'll save.
Well, good luck stopping me.
- [SIGHS.]
- You're not going anywhere.
Put her down.
[LUTHER.]
Put the gun down.
You're not killing anyone.
I know she's important to you, so don't make me do this.
- [SCOFFS.]
- [LUTHER.]
It's either her or the gun.
You decide.
- [WHOOSHES.]
- Phew.
[PANTING.]
I can keep doin' this all day.
[SIGHS.]
I know you're still a good person, Five.
Otherwise, you wouldn't have risked everything coming back here to save us all.
But you're not on your own anymore.
[SIGHS.]
There is one way.
But it's just about impossible.
More impossible than what brought you back here? [SIGHS.]
[PLAYING "GIGUE FROM PARTITA NO.
2 IN D MINOR" BY JS BACH SLOWLY.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Oh, hey.
- [ALLISON.]
Hey.
Can I come in? [VANYA.]
Well Sorry, I really need to rehearse.
Uh Look, I know you're not gonna want to hear this, but I was just in the library looking up Leonard.
- [VANYA.]
What? - And [VANYA.]
Why would you do that? Vanya, there are records of literally everything.
I mean, you look me up, there are miles You're one of the most famous people in the world.
Okay.
Bad example.
My point is that there should be some kind of record of him, but all I could find is a photo and his name in the phone book.
- It's like he didn't exist - [VANYA.]
You are unbelievable.
You're trying to dig up dirt on a guy that I like.
Who does that? [ALLISON.]
Look, I've had my fair share of stalkers and creeps.
I don't trust him.
You mean you don't trust me.
- [ALLISON.]
What? No.
That's - This is not about you.
And for the first time, someone thinks I'm special.
I'm just worried about you.
Well, you're not my mother.
Worry about your own daughter.
[SIGHS.]
That's not fair.
I want you to leave.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[LOCK BEEPS, CLICKS.]
Singles instead of doubles.
What's next, futons on the floor? What difference does it make? We're only here another night.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
I've been in every pawn shop all over town, lookin' for our briefcase.
You've been relaxing in the library.
Well, at least we know somethin' on the family that can help.
It's like a Hargreeves family handbook.
[CHA-CHA.]
Let me tell you, they're a real freakin' mess.
Number Five can time travel without a briefcase, but not that well.
The big oaf lived on the moon for a few years.
- [BEEPING.]
- [CHA-CHA.]
The junkie can conjure the dead, which explains why he knew about the dead Russian yesterday.
And the idiot in the mask can curve anything he throws, - usually knives.
- [CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
Well, he's the one we need to worry about now.
- Why? - 'Cause he's in the parking lot, hiding behind an ice-cream truck.
Bingo.
You do know that killing these people is not gonna make you feel any better.
Yeah, but when it's done - [KLAUS CHUGGING.]
- I'm gonna sleep like a baby.
Sure you will.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[GUN COCKS.]
Motel clerk.
It's from Five.
How'd he find us? Well, he was us.
He knows all the protocols.
He says he has the briefcase.
Wants to set up a meeting.
Come on, we're late already.
What about our friends outside? Last thing we need's a tail.
- Manila, 1902? - Let's just go with the ice bucket.
[SIGHS.]
- Stay in the car.
- What are you talkin' about? This guy tortured me.
I have a plan.
So, what exactly is the plan here, big guy? I told you to wait in the car.
Yeah, but you also told me that licking a nine-volt battery would give me pubes.
We were eight.
[DIEGO.]
Uh-uh, uh-uh - [KLAUS.]
What? Come on.
- For once, I need you to listen to me, okay? Now, go back to the car.
If I don't come out in two minutes, that means I'm probably dead.
- So - That happens, go get help.
- Okay? - [SIGHS.]
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
- [HORSE NEIGHING.]
- [GUNFIRE.]
- [CROWD SCREAMING ON TV.]
- [GUNFIRE ON TV.]
[HORSE NEIGHING ON TV.]
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
[DIEGO YELLS.]
- [GROANING.]
- [GUNFIRE CONTINUES.]
Oh, man.
See? You used to think I was an idiot.
- I still think you're an idiot.
- [CAR SPEEDS AWAY.]
- They're getting away.
- You're welcome.
- [DIEGO GROANS.]
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Shit.
- Get in the car.
Oh [DIEGO SIGHS.]
- Was this all part of your master plan? - Shut up.
[KLAUS.]
Hm? [SIGHS.]
[CONDUCTOR SIGHS.]
What is your name again? [SOFTLY.]
Vanya.
[CONDUCTOR.]
Louder, please.
Vanya Hargreeves.
Right.
Well? [PLAYING "GIGUE FROM PARTITA NO.
2 IN D MINOR" BY JS BACH CONFIDENTLY.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[NOTES RESONATING AND DISTORTING.]
[NOTES ECHOING.]
[CAR APPROACHES.]
- [CAR DOOR OPENS.]
- [KEYS JANGLE.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[CAR ALARM BEEPS.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
[KEYS JANGLING.]
[FRONT DOOR OPENS.]
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES.]
[VANYA'S PLAYING CONTINUES.]
[SIGHS.]
[FIVE SIGHS.]
You know, I never enjoyed it.
What? The killing.
I mean, I was I was good at my work, and I I took pride in it.
But it never gave me pleasure.
[SIGHS.]
I think it was all those years alone.
Solitude can do funny things to the mind.
[LUTHER.]
Yeah, well, you were gone for such a long time.
I only spent four years on the moon, but that was more than enough.
It's the being alone that breaks you.
You think they'll buy it? Well, what I do know is that they're desperate.
It's like a cop losing his gun.
If the Commission finds out, they'll be in deep shit.
Oh, not to mention the fact that they'll be stuck here until they get it back.
- Well, I should hold onto it.
- [FIVE.]
Hm? In case they make a move on you.
Okay, Luther, but be careful.
I mean, I've I've lived a long life, but you're still a young man.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
Don't waste it.
- [CAR APPROACHING.]
- [FIVE.]
Hmm Here we go.
If this all goes sideways, do me a favor and tell Delores I'm sorry.
[CAR DOOR OPENS.]
[CAR DOOR SHUTS.]
[FIVE.]
The masks really necessary? - So where is it, kid? - Wow, that's how you're gonna start.
You know, we can get right back in our car and call it a day.
You won't even make it halfway there.
[FIVE.]
Maybe.
But as I'm sure you found out in your previous foray, - my brother is not your average giant.
- [HAZEL.]
He's right.
You dropped a chandelier on him, got right back up.
[FIVE.]
By the time you took him out, he'd smash your precious briefcase to a pulp.
Probably us too, right? So, how do we help each other? I need you to get in contact with your superior so I can have a chat with her.
- Face-to-face.
- About what? Well, I don't believe that's any of your concern.
Just don't tell her about the briefcase.
Fair enough.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [MODEM CONNECTING.]
What happens now? Now we wait.
[WIND WHISTLING.]
[ICE-CREAM TRUCK CHIMES PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES".]
Is that her? [ORCHESTRA PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES".]
What the hell is he doing here? - Go faster! - Whee! It's a setup! - [CHA-CHA AND HAZEL GROAN.]
- [GUN FIRES, ECHOES.]
[HANDLER.]
Neat trick, isn't it? Hello, Five.
You look good, all things considered.
It's good to see you again.
Feels like we met just yesterday.
Course, you were a little bit older then.
Congratulations on the age regression, by the way.
Very clever.
- Threw us all off the scent.
- Ah, well, I wish I could take credit.
I just miscalculated the time dilation projections, and Well, you know.
Here I am.
You realize your efforts are futile.
So why don't you tell me what you really want? I want you to put a stop to it.
You realize what you're asking for is next to impossible, even for me.
What's meant to be is meant to be.
That's our raison d'être.
Yeah? Well how about survival as a raison? I'll just be replaced.
I'm but a small cog in a machine.
This fantasy you've been nurturing about summoning up your family to stop the apocalypse is just that.
A fantasy.
I must say, though, we're all quite impressed with your initiative, your stick-to-itiveness, really quite quite something.
Which is why we want to offer you a new position back at the Commission, in management.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sorry, what's that now? Come back to work for us again.
You know it's where you belong.
Well, it didn't work out too well the last time.
But you wouldn't be in the correction division any longer.
I'm talking about the home office.
You'd have the best health and pension, and an end to this ceaseless travel.
You're a distinguished professional in schoolboy shorts.
We have the technology to reverse the process.
I mean, you you can't be happy like this.
I'm not looking for happy.
We're all looking for happy.
We can make that happen.
We can make you yourself again.
[SIGHS.]
And what about my family? What about them? I want them to survive.
[SIGHS.]
All of them? Yes, all of them.
Well I'll see what I can do.
Do we have a deal? One thing.
[GUN CLATTERS.]
[HANDLER SIGHS.]
[FIVE.]
Mm no.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Ah.
[WHOOSHES AND ZAPS.]
- [CHIMES CONTINUE PLAYING.]
- [HAZEL SCREAMS.]
- [BOTH GRUNT.]
- [DISTORTED CHIMING.]
- [KLAUS.]
Good God! - Five? - [KLAUS.]
Oh! Ow! - Five! [HAZEL PANTING.]
Come get it! [GERARD WAY AND RAY TORO'S "HAPPY TOGETHER" PLAYING.]
[CLATTERS.]
- Imagine me and you, I do - [DIEGO GRUNTS.]
[KLAUS.]
Come on.
Come on.
- Day and night - [DIEGO.]
Wait.
My shoes hurt.
What the hell are you guys doing here? - And hold her tight - [BROTHERS SHOUTING.]
- [HAZEL.]
No! Shit! - [GUN CLICKING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- If I should call you up - Get in the car.
- Invest a dime And you say you belong to me And ease my mind Imagine how the world could be So very fine - So happy together - [KLAUS.]
Luther, go! Go! Let's go! [ENGINE REVS.]
- [KLAUS.]
Whoo! - [TIRES SCREECH.]
- Lovin' nobody but you - [BEN.]
Whoo-hoo! - For all my life - [HAZEL.]
Damn it! When you're with me, baby The skies'll be blue For all my life - Shit! - Me and you, and you and me - [KNOCKING.]
- No matter how they toss the dice Hey.
How'd it go? - Honestly? - Yeah.
It was amazing! You know, I've never played without my medication before, so I was so nervous.
But, I don't know, it was like I was carried along by, um like, an invisible force.
- Like an out-of-body experience.
- Yeah, sort of.
It's just like I I felt everything more fully, more deeply.
- And I got it.
- What? - I got first chair! - You did? Oh, my God, congratulations! Oh, I'm so happy for you.
After everything you've been through.
You deserve this.
No one's ever believed in me like this.
Vanya.
Vanya.
This is your time.
So happy together I can't see me Lovin' nobody but you - For all my life - [MUSIC DISTORTS.]
When you're with me, baby The skies'll be blue - For all my life - [CHANDELIER RATTLING.]
Me and you, and you and me - No matter how they toss the dice - [WHOOSHING.]
It had to be The only one for me is you And you for me - So happy together - [WIND WHISTLING.]
Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba - Me and you, and you and me - Aah, aah - No matter how they toss the dice - Aah, aah - It had to be - [CRACKING.]
- The only one for me is you - Aah, aah And you for me So happy together So happy together - So happy together - [GATE RATTLING.]
Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba - Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba - [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
Ba-ba-ba-ba - Me and you, and you and me - Aah, aah, aah No matter how they toss the dice How are you feeling? [WHIRRING.]
Fine.
[POGO.]
Do you remember what happened? I do.
And do you understand that the children can never know? I understand.
Good.
So happy together [ROCK VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING.]