The Venture Bros (2003) s01e05 Episode Script

Cool! Hey, Pop, you didn't tell us we were going to Africa today! Ahh, great.
They're up.
Dude, look! Elephants! That's Loxodonta africana.
You can tell which ones are the males because they're the only ones with tusks.
I got no problem telling which one's the male, bro.
Check out the fifth leg on that beast.
It's called a trunk.
It's called you're a spaz, and that ain't what I'm talking about.
Brock, be ready with your tranq gun on my signal.
Those two are going to be bouncing off the walls if they figure out where we are.
Dr.
Venture, you're right on time.
My assistant, Mandalay, is standing by to escort you Um, yeah, OK, great.
That'll be fine.
Over and And may I take this opportunity to welcome you - Oh, crap.
- To Brisbyland! Brisbyland! Brisbyland! This is gonna be phat city! I am all over that teacup ride! Boys, halt! You are "all over" no such thing.
You're both to stay aboard the X-1.
- What? - Aw, weak! Weak, schmeak, Hank.
We're here for business, not for fun.
- But, Pop! - What are you, on the rag? It's impossible for me to be on the rag.
I'm a I can't believe I'm even arguing about this with you! What men's room did you pick up that kind of trash talk in? Nice.
Well, I was going to let you go on the Runaway Shoe ride after my meeting but you two just sassed yourselves back on the X-1 so march! Ahh, look at this family values freakfest.
This place is so squeaky clean, it gives me the wicked jeebies.
Hey, Pop black guy.
You must be Mandalay.
I'm Dr.
Thaddeus Venture.
This is my bodyguard Brock.
I, um Have an appointment with Mr.
Bris Mute.
Come in, Dr.
Venture.
Come.
I'm afraid your man will have to wait outside while we discuss business, however.
Easy, Brock.
He's a cripple and he's, like, 100.
What's gonna happen? Welcome, Dr.
Venture, to the funnest place on earth! Holy damn it Christmas! Does my appearance startle you, Dr.
Venture? No, not at all.
I as a man of science I see all kinds of things.
Several years ago, I fell victim to an animatronic accident here at the park.
Trapped beneath an unstoppable metal Lincoln for two hours.
It's enough to give anyone a stroke.
Well, you Look like a million bucks.
All thanks to this little bee.
Panda's milk? Huh? Um, OK.
One of the rarest beverages on earth, and a natural elixir.
It's actually not that disgusting.
That noise is making me nauseous, though.
Oh, that? That's just Li-Li enjoying her lunch.
Li-Li? Yes, my longtime companda.
I won her from David Bowie in a trivia contest.
This was 1980, '81 perhaps, years before the big trivia craze but then Bowie always was a trendsetter.
Slippery Gulch sure looks fun from here.
I spy an antelope! They can run up to forty-five miles per hour.
Oh, this sucks! Why do we have to get stuck here while Dad and Brock get to tour Anna Bizzy Bee's head? So how long you work for this guy? Now that we've exchanged pleasantries and hot panda milk, Dr.
Venture let's talk business.
I want you to clone me.
Cloning? I wouldn't know anything about that, seeing as Congress has banned all cloning research in North America.
Congress? Bunch of out-of-work astronauts and C-list actors.
They're not men of vision, men like you and me.
Men like your father.
Your father and I were great friends, you know.
In fact, he designed a number of the rides and attractions at the first Brisby theme park.
You're probably too young to remember.
Do I have to, Dad? You said you wanted to help Daddy, son.
I vaguely remember him mentioning it.
And I vaguely remember him mentioning he was dabbling in clone research.
I'm willing to pay handsomely for his notes alone.
So this is about him, then, not me.
Well, I don't know if I've kept any of Dad's old notes Don't play coy with me.
Of course you kept them.
You've been riding his corpse's coattails your entire adult life.
Hey! Where do you get off? You don't know me.
Oh, I know you, Dr.
Venture.
My researchers are very thorough.
For instance, you're not actually a doctor of anything.
You never finished school.
I also know that since you took over Venture Industries profits have gone zippity-doo-dah.
I that's it! The deal is off.
I don't care if you are rich.
I don't have to take this crap from a gimp.
Aw, now they're shooting off fireworks over Smile Island.
Unbelievable! I spy a I don't have a card for that one.
If you don't knock it off with the wildlife cards already you're going to be spying my foot up your wow-hole, Dean.
Seriously.
So that's your final word, is it? Yes.
Call me a golf cart, I'm leaving.
- Now.
- Yes, now.
I'm not spending another - Now, damn it, now! - Hey! What are you You're all right.
I spy a big, pink stinky, who stinks, and he's stupid.
That's it, pussy willow.
My hair! Yeah, come on! Come on.
You gonna cry? Brock? Thank God! His freaking panda's trained to put me in a bag! Why whatever is the matter, Mr.
Samson? Feeling woozy? Perhaps you should cut down on your smoking.
You'd be surprised at the amount of chemicals the average cigarette contains.
Chloral hydrate.
That didn't sound good.
Those things'll kill ya! Mandalay! Help me! I've come aflame again! It's gonna snap! - I can't hold it! - All right! Knock it off! You are so lucky I had milk earlier.
Uh-oh, there it goes.
Uncle! I admit that was a bit theatrical, Dr.
Venture but if there's one thing cartoons have taught me it's that one can never be too careful.
Your panda broke my glasses.
We'll replace them at once.
We have many glasses here.
We have everything you need.
Where the hell is here? Your home for the time being.
Welcome, Dr.
Venture, to the Brisby-dome! This is that ridiculous giant beehive next door to your study, isn't it? You knocked me out and put me in a bag to bring me fifty yards? Samson.
Pretty.
Samson, you are still with us? You know I would never let anyone kill my Samson.
Molotov Cocktease.
That is my job.
We only wanted your plane.
We have no intention of hurting you, boys.
Are you comfortable? Do you want more juice? Debbie, give the Venture boys more juice.
- Where are we? - And what do you want with us? You're in the gymnasium at the Orange County Community College and you're being held hostage by the Orange County Liberation Front.
Free O.
C! Well, our dad has a strict policy never to negotiate with terrorists for our lives so you're wasting your time.
We're not terrorists! We're normal folks men and women with jobs and homes and families.
Oh, that's me.
I gotta go.
Peggy's going into labor.
That's great, Todd.
Give her my best.
What do you two know about the man your father is working for? Well, duh! He's Roy Brisby the guy that makes all those great Bizzy Bee cartoons.
Where have you been? He is the devil in the flesh, and that animated abomination he created is the angel of death bringing darkness to this world! Won't you reconsider, Dr.
Venture? Brisbyland was but a prelude, the next step is Brisby life! And this Brisby-dome is the model.
The perfect society in the Brisby mold.
Safe, clean, self-sufficient, and for the mere price of a simple clone you, too, can be a part of it.
Get it straight, you cadaver on wheels, I'm not working for you and I'm not staying in your crappy Brisby-dome.
Did you forget about "no"? I need you to clone me, Dr.
Venture, that I might live to see my dream fulfilled.
This dried old husk of mine might be broken and used up but my brain is as alert and alive as the day I scribbled my first Bizzy Bee.
Now I see.
You know, it took me a minute, but I just got it.
Got it? So you'll come aboard? Oh, no, no, no.
What I just got is that you're like a total jacked up freaky-deaky crazypants.
I see.
Mandalay! No! Brock! Come in, Br I built an empire on the back of a cartoon bee, Venture.
Did you really think I'd allow you You OK, sir? This is what you call wheelchair accessible? How long has it been, Samson? Three years, forty-eight days.
Ah, yes.
Prague, wasn't it? Or was it Lisbon? - Akron.
- Of course.
Laser Zeppelin at the planetarium.
However did you survive the fall? Landed in a dump truck full of circus peanuts.
You killed my father! After you killed my partner.
You took my eye.
After you took my heart.
Nyet! You know I can only go to second base.
Still? After all these years? I thought the Cold War was over! It's always cold in Siberia.
You want one of these? I got to go take care of something.
I ask you, what honey does Bizzy Bee produce? Destruction! I think you must be mistaken.
See? This is Bizzy Bee.
He's really cute.
I have his lunchbox, too, and all the toys Get that thing out of my sight! I hate that damn bee! Kill the bee! But I like him.
He's devoured Orange County bit by bit to make way for the ever-expanding Brisbyland.
The site where his new Brisby-dome now stands was once a beautiful residential neighborhood with a very convenient shopping mall.
- Don't forget the skate park.
- A skate park, too.
Right.
Chad here used to be a professional skater.
There was also a very pleasant Applebee's.
- Ted and I met at that Applebee's - Debbie and I met at that Applebee's! Do you see what that bee has done to our beloved county? And it's not just here! Brisby's cartoon cancer has already spread to Florida where we're loosely affiliated with the Sunshine State Freedom Front.
Loosely.
Those people are weird down there.
Eurobrisby has gained a foothold in France.
Times Square has fallen.
Where is it going to end? Well, I'll tell you where.
Right here, right now, with the help of Bizzy Bee himself.
It's our Bizzy Bee Club hats! No.
These were stolen from Brisbycorp headquarters last week by one of our agents.
They're prototypes.
Aw, super-new Bizzy Bee Club hats! - Neat! Do they light up? - No! According to Brisbycorp internal memos, they were intended for mind control.
Still think your little Bizzy Bee is cute? Good.
Then you two will make the perfect test subjects.
The truth serum should've taken effect by now.
It's time to learn what Dr.
Venture knows about cloning.
Mandalay, wake him.
Now.
State your name.
Reading from top to bottom Lisa.
Carol.
Freemont.
He's telling the truth.
Anyway, it wasn't Brisby who took the boys.
It was some sort of revolutionary group.
Just a minute.
Know where the boys are? What do we want? Free O.
C! What are we gonna do? Kill the bee! Jeez, Ted, those hats really worked.
Did you turn them all the way up to "Patty Hearst"? Orange County Liberation Front, we are ready.
We attack Brisbyland tonight! Ted, wait.
I did the Liberation Front's chart, and tonight is actually a great night to launch a new project for us.
That's great, hon, but we have to Plus, "Cosmo" says orange is this year's black.
That's got to be a good sign, right? All clear, sir.
Brad and I will follow in his van.
Over.
Your bag has snaps.
Mine has velcro.
Look at this.
Yeah, you got one of the new ones.
I got mine back in '9 You know this robot? Wait a minute.
If I summon him, he'll override the X-1's controls and bring her back here.
He's programmed to come when we call him.
Back to my car.
I know where they're going.
I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.
This is ridiculous.
We're not getting anything useful out of him, sir.
This serum must be interacting with something in his system.
The man is a pill-popper, after all.
Mandalay! What's happening? Oh, mercy.
Which one of you strapping young bucks will catch my fall? Jiminy Crickets! Do something! Move, move, move.
See if you can locate Dr.
Venture.
I'll look for the boys.
Nyet, Samson.
I have my own mission to attend to.
What? What about helping me? I help only my client.
Did you forget? I'm a mercenary.
Rally, Orange County Liberation Front! Rally! What the hell is going on out here? Thank you, Brock.
Yo, I just work here, man, and I don't even need this job no more.
Die, Brisby scum! Listen, boys.
Put down the firearms.
Kill the bee! We're under attack! Have my private jet ready to fly to Florida immediately! We're moving the operation to You know what I'm here for, Brisby.
Turn it over and you don't have to die tonight.
You don't want to shoot me, boys.
You know me.
You know what I'll do to you if you do.
KilI the bee? What'd you do that for, Brock? Hello? Anyone? - Hey, Daddy! - Hey, Pop! Hello, boys.
Brock! You think you could help me out here? I'm starting to black out.
Hey, wait a minute.
We're in Brisbyland! Oh, you're the best daddy ever, Pop! Go Team Venture! Yes, yes All went according to plan.
There were no complications.
The threat has been neutralized and your package has been secured Mr.
Bowie.
That's good soup!