The Villains Of Valley View (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

Why does every movie end
with the superhero winning?
Mm. Because people love
seeing good prevail over evil.
And I love how much it bothers Amy.
Let's watch it again!
Jake, your sister and your neighbor
are your weekend plans.
Should you really be trash talking?
Whoa!
What up, fam?
Colby! Stop using your
powers to scare us.
Look, my whole life, this family's
been pranking me with powers.
Now, I'm finally getting some payback.
Let's see how Mom reacts to
a rattlesnake in her toilet!
I'm not sure he's really
thought that one through.
Coming to The Capital Convention Center,
it's the superhero event of the century!
COLOSSA-CON!
Where superheroes meet super-fans!
Who would even go to that?
I've gone the last five years!
On purpose?
We've got superhero cosplay,
superhero t-shirts, superhero snacks
and did we mention superheroes!
You did. You did mention superheroes.
And, for the first time ever,
making her ColossaCon debut
Fresh off her victory
over super-villain Havoc,
Starling!
What?!
That's right, I'm coming
to my favorite state, Texas!
Don't tell Arkansas!
No way!
Starling's my favorite
person to hate because
she's your nemesis.
Nice save. I like where this is going.
Why else do you hate her?
Uh, because she insulted Arkansas
in a cute and endearing way.
Oh, you know what? I can't
say anything bad about her.
She's perfect.
I always wanted to meet her.
One time I thought about
strapping myself to a rocket
just to see if she'd save me.
I'd like to strap myself to a rocket
just to get out of this conversation.
I know she's a superhero
and you're a super-villain,
But why do you hate her so much?
It's a long story, I
don't want to get into it.
We got time.
And I definitely want to get into it.
It all started when Havoc and Starling
got into an epic battle.
Wow, Havoc, you've been
working on your moves.
You keep it up and I
might have to start trying.
Why do you always have to
smile while you fight me?
Smiley Fresh toothpaste pays me to.
Yeah well, let's see if
you keep that endorsement
after you lose some of those teeth!
Whoa!
Time to bring the boom!
Whoa!
Uh-oh. Not-good- not-good-not-good
Here's some Smiley Fresh floss
for that gravel in your teeth.
See you next time!
Havoc! Are you okay?
Did I win?
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Except Amy.
Okay, fine.
I mighta kinda sorta lost
to Starling a little bit
and now my fury over it
consumes my entire existence.
But, now, the worst part is
the whole world knows because of this.
Wait. I thought Jake made that meme.
Shouldn't you be mad at him?
I am mad at him.
But he never would have
been able to make the meme
if Starling hadn't done what she did.
That is true.
You know, if not for
her, I wouldn't have.
A million likes?
Including Hartley.
That was before I knew you.
Amy?
Are you actually doing homework?!
And ruin my 1.0 GPA?
No.
I'm whipping up a little concoction
to dump on Starling's head when
she's on stage at ColossaCon.
Is that Chrominite?!
No, that's my pomegranate juice.
This is Chrominite.
Wait. Other way around.
But that's Starling's one weakness!
Any exposure to that stuff
will knock her out cold.
I know! Think how funny it'll be
when that happens in
front of all her fans!
She'll be humiliated forever!
That doesn't sound funny at all.
Yeah, well, you're not
really the intended audience.
Amy, you can't just roll
up and get your revenge
in front of a packed convention center.
Oh correction: Havoc can't. But Amy can.
Now that I'm just a normal girl,
I can blend in with the
rest of Starling's lame fans
and embarrass her like
she embarrassed me.
Wait, did you just call me lame?
Eyes on the prize,
Hartley, stay focused.
Amy, by now, every villain
knows that we're on the run
which means there's a good chance
that every superhero knows, too.
Yeah. Is it really
worth risking everything
just to get even?
So what if there's a meme?
It was just a joke.
It's not funny when I'm the punchline.
I'm the punchline of all your jokes!
And that's what makes them funny.
Look, when I was one of the world's
most notorious super-villains,
not everyone liked me, but
no one thought I was a joke!
If I don't get even I'll
be stuck as a punchline.
How about this?
Since I'm your friend, if
you don't go to ColossaCon,
I won't go either.
Even though Starling is
my favorite superhero.
And this is the closest
I'll ever get to meeting her.
Hurry up and I say you won't go
'cause I'm kinda talking
myself out of this!
Glad you won that argument for me.
See you there.
Okay, that's it!
If you go
I'll tell the whole world
your villain secret!
Seriously? That's like the 15th time
you threatened me with that this week.
It's like the meme. It never gets old.
Eva, you need to have
a talk with your son.
- Hey, Ma!
- Oh!
Another one of his
shape-shifting shenanigans.
He leapt right off the towel
rack as I was shaving my neck!
Who are you kidding?
You were shaving your chest.
The chest is an extension of the neck!
You were also shaving your legs.
Essentially, the human
body is one long neck.
Okay Colbs, you've had
your fun. Now change back.
Fine.
Uh-oh. Something's wrong.
I I can't shape-shift back!
I think I'm stuck!
Oh, well.
One less mouth to feed?
Don't even think about it.
I wasn't going to ColossaCon.
Starting route to ColossaCon
I wasn't going to go in.
I was gonna drive by and
give the super-villain salute.
Get in the house!
Hartley's gonna keep an eye on you
to make sure you don't sneak off.
Wait. Where are you going?
Baseball practice. I joined the team.
So now when I hit things, people cheer
instead of begging for their lives.
We're gonna have so much fun.
Who needs ColossaCon when we
have crosswords, board games,
and charades!
Oh, well, I guess I'm stuck here.
Starling wins again.
Have fun at baseball practice, Jake.
No.
I'm not going anywhere
until I do one little thing.
- Too tight?
- Yeah.
Too bad. Bye.
Don't worry, we can still have fun.
Let's see what's on TV!
superhero
shirts, superhero snacks, super
Snacks sound good.
I'll go get some!
What's the point? I can't use my hands.
Oh, right.
Well, we can make a game out of it.
I'll put them in a bowl and
you can eat them like a dog.
A cute dog.
Wait! Before you go, can you at least
loosen these cuffs a little?
Please, they really hurt.
Can I trust you?
Of course.
You can trust
that I'm going to ColossaCon.
You were right, Hartley.
This was fun!
Cute costume. Did you all
come in the same minivan?
Wait. Where do you think you're going?
You have to wear a costume to get in!
Oh. Well, where am I
supposed to find one of those?
Oh, no way! I am not
wearing a Starling costume.
Then you are not getting in!
Ew!
- There you are!
- Hartley!
How'd you get out of the cuffs?
A little yoga and a lotta saliva.
Wait, you came dressed as Havoc?
Aww, how cute.
It was the cheapest one they had.
I can't believe you tricked me.
I can't believe you licked your way
out of those handcuffs.
Look
I had to come here and get my revenge.
You don't know what it's
like to wake up every day
and have to relive your
most humiliating moment.
The whole world thinks I'm a joke.
And the more I think about it,
I'm starting to believe it myself.
I get that.
But sometimes you just
have to let things go.
I mean, if anyone found
out who you really are,
You're my friend.
I don't want you taken away forever!
Isn't that enough to talk you out of it?
Aww!
How cute!
Ugh.
Nope.
What?
He's face-down, flip him over.
I can't believe I'm stuck as a towel!
What if he's stuck forever?
Oh, then I'll have to
buy a new set of towels
to match that dreadful shade of green!
That's what you're worried about?!
Hey, I may be a villain,
but I do have taste!
Relax, Colby. The same thing
happened to your Grandpa
when he first got his
shapeshifting power, too.
You'll shift back, it just
may take you a few months.
"A few months"?
Hey! That is too long
to be without my son.
That is way too long to
be with this ugly towel.
That's Celia!
The rent's due and I'm a little short.
What do we do?!
Oh, just open it. Maybe she forgot.
Rent.
Celia, sorry.
We can't give you the rent.
Oh. I didn't want to do this,
but you're about to see
Shakedown Celia.
Wait, wait!
It's not that we don't have it,
Uh, the reason we can't give it to you
is because we're not
getting what we paid for.
What are you talking about?
Uh
The dryer's broken and that is why
we're drying our towels
on the kitchen table.
You put that nasty thing where you eat?
Fine, I'll knock five dollars off.
And also
this blender is broken.
That was your blender.
What was that?
That was the number one
reason we're not paying rent.
This place is haunted!
Does the ghost have any money?
Ugh. How am I supposed
to find the real Starling
with all these fake Starlings?
No fair!
You used your powers
to run away from me.
What? I don't have super-speed.
Oh. Then I am really out of shape.
Hey, look at those people in line.
they're all dressed as Havoc.
I have fans?
Yeah!
Talk about an ego boost.
Doesn't it make you wanna
beat the rush and head on home?
I had no idea there were
any "Havoc Heads" out there.
That's what I assume
they call themselves.
I thought the world was laughing at me.
But seeing my fans here make me realize
I'm still respected.
Worshiped even.
Get in line, Hartley, bow down.
Or, instead, how about we head on home?
Hello, ColossaCon.
It's Starling!
Wait, why does her stage
look like a rooftop?
Uh
Beats me.
She's recreating the meme!
That's why those people
are dressed like me!
They're not my fans,
they're making fun of me!
Wait, is that why
you're dressed like me?
No! I would never do that to you.
Clearance bin. Remember?
She's charging people
to recreate the meme
that ruined my life?
Time to put my plan
in motion and get even.
Come on, Hartley.
It's go time.
Argh!
Wait.
That Captain Valor
looks really familiar.
Is that?
Jake?
Jake?
No, you're mistaken, I'm Captain Valor.
Hi.
You said villains
shouldn't be at ColossaCon!
Is this ColossaCon?
I must be in the wrong room.
I'm supposed to be at
the Pembleton Wedding.
Why are you here?
And why are you in
line to meet Starling?
I thought about what Amy said
and you know, she's right.
We're normal people now
so I figured I'd come meet
Starling as a normal person,
to try to get some
superhero intel, you know,
make sure they're not
tracking our family
and throw them off
our trail if they are.
I'm protecting us!
I think the real question
is what are you doing here?!
I can't believe you let her out!
I'm sorry!
She was my first hostage!
You know, it's your
fault anyways, you know
- you shouldn't left me there alone.
- How is it my fault?
She was handcuffed to the stairs,
you could've just left her
It's really not that hard.
- What do you mean?
- Wait, where'd she go?
I don't know.
- But we have to find her.
- Right.
I mean, uh
Captain Valor to the rescue!
Give it up, Jake. Nobody's buying it.
You really expect me to
believe this place is haunted?
How else do you explain that toaster?
It doubles as a fireplace.
You should be paying me more.
Okay, Colby.
Your mom and Celia
will be here any minute.
If you ever wanted to use your
powers to help your family,
now's your chance.
- Celia!
- Rent!
And we'll pay you. Let
me just go grab my wallet.
Make it fast. Bingo night.
That actually sounds
fun, I would love to join.
We're full.
What was that?
That was the ghost.
I don't know. Sounds like a
tape recorder or something.
Oh, that sounds like a ghost to me.
- I'm telling you, it is not
- I am a ghost!
Ugh! Get this thing off me!
Ahh! Ooh!
See? This place is haunted!
Okay, okay.
There's something I didn't tell
you when you rented this place.
Someone died here.
What?!
Okay! Lots of people died here!
Please tell me.
It took me years to find someone
who was willing live in
this place after the
incident.
Will you excuse us for a second?
I'm good with it if you are.
I hate the place more now.
How about we pay half?
Sure, fine. Whatever.
I'm gonna go home
and burn all my towels.
Wow, she was really scared.
Her palms were super sweaty!
- Really, dude?
- Sorry, I forgot.
Remember, you are an
evil-doer who just ate rooftop.
So let the defeat wash over you.
I'm about to let the
Chrominite wash over you.
I can't believe you
let her get away again!
You know, for someone
trying to be a better person,
you sure do like to blame people.
I know. Bad parents. I blame them.
Look!
Oh, no! She's got the Chrominite.
We have to stop her. I'll
have to use my super-strength.
Cover me!
Oh! Whoa!
No, no, no, no.
Uh-oh, not good, not good!
Ahh!
Wow. Looks like someone
couldn't wait to meet me.
Starling just saved her life!
What, no! That's not what happened.
Oh, don't feel embarrassed.
You fell very gracefully.
Have you been saved
by a superhero before?
Hey!
Hi! Wow!
It's you!
You knew that.
- Thanks for saving my friend's life.
- No, she didn't.
I would've been fine. Spines heal.
Oh, my!
I just saved Starling's life.
I caught the Chrominite.
That's pomegranate juice. But thank you!
I'm ready to go now.
Thanks for coming, everybody!
Wait.
I
I came here to say thank you.
Oh, for what?
Uh
Help!
I hurt my arm and I
can't pull myself up!
Starling, come on, we have to go!
Wait, please!
Don't let me fall.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
You saved my life.
I'm a superhero. It's what I do.
Thank you.
Don't thank me.
It's my job to make
the world a safer place.
Maybe one day, you'll do that, too.
Hello, for what?
Um, for an autograph.
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
Oh, Jake! Come quick!
Amy's taking out her rage
on a soft pretzel vendor!
There's salt and mustard everywhere!
Sure, I'll help.
It's what I do.
Amy, your mother and I were very upset
you went to ColossaCon.
You could've put all
of our lives in danger.
You told them?
Uh, didn't have to.
The internet did.
Oh, no. There's another meme?
Nope! Now you're a GIF!
"Catch you later"!
Oh, buck up, kiddo!
I know things may seem bad now,
but at least you're not a towel.
Hey!
Well, we should probably get some sleep.
Colby and I are having a hot
yoga session in the morning.
It's gonna get damp!
Wait, what?!
No, no, no, no, no, no! Ow! Ow! Ow!
By the way,
people died here.
Night.
Wait, what?
When? Where? How?
Great. And I guess I'm
back to being the punchline.
No, you're not.
I'm actually proud of you.
Why? Starling won. Again.
Think about it.
You were standing right next to her.
At any moment, you
could've just snapped.
And gone full Havoc.
But you didn't.
It shows growth.
Yeah, well.
Villains aren't really
supposed to "grow."
Well, Havoc's not supposed to.
But Amy is.
Starling may have won the battle,
but by letting it go, you won the war.
Huh.
I guess I never thought
about it like that.
You also won the war
with the pretzel vendor.
Ten dollars for bread and
salt and I'm the villain?!
Amy, you are not gonna believe
what happened in your bedroom!
And they're gone.
I know who you are.