The Warriors (2017) s01e05 Episode Script

1 I am the one who saves your arses when a nasty story is printed.
Even if it is true.
Do you remember my epic fail? What, you mean the kick right in front? Out on the full? The kick that lost you a spot in the grand final? I cried.
You wrestle my baby boy.
- Run! Run! - (YELLS) Yeah! Yeah! Yeeaaah! Never thought I'd get in.
It's called 'moon' theory, yeah? - Moun.
- Moun.
Tim! What I'd like, Deb, is your number one draft pick holding up a guernsey with my name on it and the fans remembering it the next time they need a screwdriver.
MAKI: Whoo! Whoo-whoo! Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! - Yeah! ZANE: Take the photo, man.
Come on, take the photo! - You love it.
- Man, hurry up.
Doc reckons you gotta see your moona.
- What's moona? - Arse.
(LAUGHS) Guys, I'm not I'm not showing my arse! BOTH: Turn around! Turn around! There's the moona shot.
Oh, yes, left, left, left, left.
Other left! Other left! Get the beautiful lines of the G with the crooked lines of your arse.
- That's it.
That's it.
- Oh! Moona shot! - DOC: MCG in the background? - SCOTTIE: Yeah.
Oh, I'm proud of you, boys.
Especially you, Zane.
You've got a great ass! Okay, drive, drive, drive.
Come on.
I bet Becky 500 bucks that one of my newbies would get the best photos.
Just gonna send these to Meat.
Read 'em and weep! Doc! Doc! (SCREAMING, TYRES SQUEAL) WOMAN: Oh, my God! Are you okay? ZANE: Doc! Doc, you all right? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Holy shit! Man! You keep your eyes on the road.
Was that you I heard screaming? Yeah, you shat yourself.
(BOTH IMITATE SCREAMING) (BOTH LAUGH) - Oh, boys, get out, get out! - What's the matter? - MAKI: Why? - Look at the way you're dressed! If Spinner'll finds out you're here dressed like this, he will fucking lose his shit.
Get out! - Out of the car! - Go, go, go! (LAUGHTER) Are you okay? Yeah, man, I'm fine, there's no need to - Hey, that's Doc Shepherd! - No.
No, no! Don't don't - Ka-ching! - Mate, dont Can you please I'm not taking photos! - Oh, I love you! - I love you too.
- Can I have a memento? - Stop taking Oh Go, Warriors! - (LAUGHTER) - Thank you! - I'm posting that! - Show him! Oh, your face says it all, Betty.
Could you boys, um - You know - BOTH: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Man, Doc Shepherd.
I know! (BOTH CONTINUE LAUGHING) Righto, Doc! Two secs.
(STARTS ENGINE) DEB: We can put a positive spin on this, Tim.
TIM: Positive spin? How?! Well, uh, I was thinking "Tool of the Week", and he's holding a fucking dildo, Deb! This has already been spun.
Oh, look, the kid's an idiot.
But your sponsorship is very important to us.
That's not my problem, all right? Last year's wooden-spooners and now this shit? It was probably some harmless prank.
Jesus, in my day we did a hell of a lot worse.
It's a different world now, Smoky, all right? Name is coming off the shirt.
Come on, surely for old time's sake you can give us No.
We are done.
My lawyers will be in touch.
Do something! Tim! Mate! Timbo! Fuck off, you spineless prick! Your wrenches are rat-shit anyway.
This is all your bloody fault! - Oh, how? - You were supposed to mind Doc.
He's your son.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Oh, fuck.
Without his money, I can't pay wages next week.
Fuck! Oh! Nice arse, baby.
- Hey, call me.
Call me.
- Fuck off.
MAN: All right, boys, grab a drink.
- Rest up, get back into it shortly.
- Boys I'm gonna tell Deb about last night.
- We all are, aren't we? - No, you're not.
Oh, mate, I'm not letting you take the blame for all that.
How's confessing gonna help? You're on the bubble of making the 22.
Mak, you're the face of the merger.
It's just gonna make things worse if you tell everyone you were there.
Look, they expect this from me.
I'm the fuck-up.
I can wear it, okay? Doc's right.
We've got to focus on trying to make the cut first.
Nobody is safe yet.
I'm right, hey? - BOYD: All right, Meat.
- Fair enough.
You're all good? BOYD: Okay, fellas, on the 50m line! Maki, Meat, Chef, you're on the 50! Fucking footballers.
Suspended.
Three weeks, no pay.
Yep.
You're an idiot, you know that? - Look, I didn't know - That was a rhetorical question.
When are you gonna grow up? - Is that rhetorical? - No, you can answer that one.
Well I think I'm pretty much am fully grown.
I think I'm what they call a fully grown man.
No, you are an oversized child.
A man is something - completely different.
- (PHONE VIBRATES) Hey, babe.
Yeah.
Can you just hold on No, no.
No, I haven't forgotten.
It's just that Darling, please, please just give me You just lost us 2 million dollars.
Gone.
Out the door! - Were you high? - No.
Right.
Hey, babe? Babe.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck! What? Oh, it's my anniversary, all right? And I haven't even got him anything, because I am I'm stuck here, dealing with your shit.
Just sort yourself out.
Look, Bill, we have tried everything else.
Maybe I should approach some female-specific brands Oh, for God's sake, no girlie stu You're not talking tampons, are you? Oh, for fuck's sake, Bill! There are a thousand things out there besides feminine hygiene there is food, make-up, clothing.
Look, we can kill two birds with one stone.
We can attract the female, family-controlled dollar and at the same time keep the club in the black.
And it'll take six months at least to set up.
We need a new sponsor by Monday.
And I think I know someone who can help us.
(GASPS) You can't be serious.
Hey there, Maki, you look deadly Are you ready to go, bro? Are you ready? Yeah, you're looking hot, but not as hot as this hottie You know who I'm talking about - You, Scottie? - (LAUGHS) Yes! Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey there, Zane, yeah, you're looking fresh Is it because you like to wax your - Chest? - (LAUGHS) - Ah, good one.
- Go, boom, boom, boom - Zane-o, you're gonna get the - Moon? BOTH: Oh! - Gonna get the moona - Yeah, gonna get the moona Ooh, gonna get the moona Get the moona, get the moona ALL: Moona, ooh! Gonna get the moona! (FALSETTO) Gonna get the moon What happened to the music? Uh (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Well, look at that.
A real tie.
And they say evolution is just a theory.
(CHUCKLES) (MUTTERS) Piss off.
Doc.
Do you hear something, Betty? I talked to the board and I can get your suspension lifted if you attend a special function tonight.
I wouldn't bloody be here if I didn't need to be! But we need you there tonight.
Son Who you seeing? (CLEARS THROAT) Fast Freddy.
Are you serious? That's a fucked idea and you know it.
It's the only bloody one we have.
Get Deb to sort this out.
She'll find someone else There isn't time.
Without a sponsor we won't meet payroll! How the hell did you lose all this money? How did you let it get this bad? This is fucking serious and it's your fucking fault! No.
I can't help you with Fast Freddy.
- Doc - No, not after last time.
I won't do it.
Fine.
I'll do it without you.
Don't you be late, boys.
Fast Freddy hates to be kept waiting.
Doc, who's Fast Freddy? He's the CEO of TruBet.
Why do they call him Fast Freddy? 'Cause he'll take any bet you make as quick as he can.
That guy'll bet on leaves falling off trees.
You keep your distance, boys.
Gonna get the moona - Ooh! - Gonna get the moona Fuck, undies.
Oh, you just ruined it.
Well.
Here we go.
MAN: IDs.
WOMAN: Phones.
Are you serious? Freddy likes his privacy.
We'll get 'em back when we leave.
Whoa! What the hell is that? (LAUGHS) Drinks machine! Is it free? - WOMAN: Yeah, go for it.
- Yes! MAKI: Where is it coming from? Nah! (SCOTTIE LAUGHS) That's so cool.
- Here, bro.
- Oh, nah, I'm good.
- I don't think so.
- You sure? - All right.
- (BOTH CLINK GLASSES) Oh, damn! No phone.
So what are you Hey, how come you're allowed Shh, shh, shh! Freddy will be watching.
He's a peculiar man and the last thing I am doing is going in there without my phone.
Come on.
No drugs! No drugs.
(PHONE VIBRATES) Hi.
I am gonna be there.
Um, I'm sorry.
Just in about an hour or so.
Can't talk right now.
Bye.
Are these free? Yes! Boys.
Drinking game.
Every time we see a hot woman, we take a shot.
Done.
(LAUGHS) Mak, it's the rules.
Come on! No Doc? I tried.
The little shit won't have a bar of it.
- Well, can you blame him? - Freddy's in the penthouse.
Sent down word that he wants Doc here if we're gonna meet.
Well, he's just got us.
So, what's your plan if he won't see us without Doc? Don't have one.
Bill, no.
No.
We can't do that.
- What? - Fast Freddy cannot meet Maki.
You of all people should know how that ends.
It's gonna get brutal.
All right, boys, so what do we do now? SCOTTIE: Oh, roulette! - Let's have a punt.
- All right.
But I don't know how to play this game.
It's easy.
Just follow me.
I always win.
I was born lucky.
See those two raindrops? I say the one on the right will make it down first.
A thousand bucks? - I'm the one on the left? - Yeah.
Can I have two-to-one? (LAUGHS) You're on.
Fuck! Beginner's luck.
Yeah.
That's what it was.
So come here.
(LAUGHS) Have you been downstairs? Has Doc arrived? No.
Just his dad and that fixer lady.
Anyone else of use down there? The number one draft pick.
What do you think I should do, Betty? Place your bets, please.
SCOTTIE: Shots.
Boys, boys, boys.
MAKI: Mine is the middle one.
Mine's the middle one.
Ah! All right, listen.
I bet on birthdays, right? My mum's, my sister's, my dog's No, that's how idiots bet.
Don't listen to him.
Yeah, and I always win.
Check this out.
7, 10, 13, 21, and the rest goes on red, for obvious reasons.
- Yeah, all right, sweetheart.
- Yeah, like I said.
Don't listen to him.
He's an idiot.
What I do is I'm gonna put a quarter on a colour, a quarter on an odd or even, and a quarter on a corner and the rest on some long-shot number.
You get to play for longer and you win more often.
- WOMAN: Last call, please.
- Come on, Mak, have a crack.
- Have a go, you'll love it.
- You'll love it, trust me.
I don't like gambling.
Just give it a shot, just put it somewhere.
Have some fun with us, man.
My boy! Spread them around a bit, spread them round a bit.
- Nah, number one.
Like me.
- That's a long-shot number.
- That's it.
No more bets.
- You watch.
I might not win much but I'll win something the odds are in my favour.
Come on, come on, come on! WOMAN: Winning number, number 0.
Oh, get fucked! So who won now? No one.
I gotta strain the potatoes.
You're right, brother.
It's not hard but everyone loses.
Everyone loses.
You winning? Nah, just lost everything, but there's a girl out there who she said she liked Scottie's baby blues.
Oh, they're prostitutes, Scottie.
They're paid to say that.
Um, now, I've gotta run, but will you look after the boys? Yeah, all right.
All right.
Wait, wait.
(SIGHS) About Doc the other night What about it? Can you not tell anybody, but me, Maki and Zane, we were there too.
- Doing what? - That hazing ritual.
The whole team was out that night.
Doc's taking the blame for everyone.
Thanks for letting me know.
- All right, I'm out of here.
- Not waiting for Freddy? Oh, he's not going to see us and my husband is already seriously pissed off.
Are you really married? Poor bastard.
Bill, you were at my wedding.
You passed out on top of my mother-in-law.
Right.
How is Meryl? Just keep Maki away from Fast Freddy, right? Right.
Right! Just go.
Hey, mate.
You remember me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dad mangled your junk.
- Yeah.
- (BOTH LAUGH) It gives me nightmares still.
Did you want to get in the ring again with him? - No, no, no.
Nah.
- No? No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I-I wanted to talk to you about my knee.
Yeah.
I saw you in the change room.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shh, got it.
- Got it.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Got it, yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah? All good? - Talk later.
- Talk later.
All right? - ZANE: Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm so drunk, man.
- You're drunk? Mak, you can cut a rug, huh? Here you go.
Let it go.
Yeah, that's good.
Hey, Maki, Maki.
- You're needed.
You're needed.
- Dancing.
No, no, no, no! Come on, come on.
- You're turning, old man.
- Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - ZANE: You got it, old man.
- SCOTTIE: You got it, old man.
- Come on! - DOC: Deb? Hey, Doc.
I have been trying to call you.
Well, you got me.
What's up? Yeah, okay, I need you to do me a favour.
Bill says he's not going to, but I don't believe him.
He said he's not going to what? Introduce Maki to Fast Freddy if you don't show.
Doc? Hey, are you there? Hey! Oh, sh! I'm here.
Um how'd you get your phone in? I'd How did you? - Well - Should we hang up? - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I know about the other night.
The guys were with you.
- Fucking footballers, eh? - Yeah, yeah.
- Who told you? - That doesn't matter.
I.
.
I have Oh, hey, um Here.
For for your husband.
Oh.
They're, um they're beautiful.
They're from a sponsor.
I'm more of a T-shirt man.
I remember you said you hadn't had time to get him something, so Thank you.
Um, hey, look, go.
I'll sort this.
Yeah, I just, um Thanks.
Come round here.
Ah.
(CHUCKLES) Sorry.
Freddy said no one's allowed in unless invited.
Oh, I think if you ask him, he'll want to see this boy.
Come and sit.
Whoa.
- How do I look? - Beautiful.
Deadly.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) Oh, it's Doc! (CHEERS) Hey, where's Maki? - Your dad took him upstairs.
- What?! Hey, bro, have a drink.
Bro, you don't have to pay for them! Oh, you think? Hey! You right, bro? - Hey, look at me, bro.
- Hey.
I want you to go back downstairs, go home with the boys, okay? I want to stay with you.
- I'll meet you there, okay? - Come on, no I'll meet you down there, okay? Hey? See you in a tick.
(LIFT BELL DINGS) I still think this is crazy.
It's for the club.
It's for all of us.
Yeah, well, don't blame me when this turns to shit.
Fashionably late.
I love it.
I've missed you, old friend.
Come Come, sit.
Go, go, go.
Sit.
Things have not been not going well at the club? Pretty much my fault.
I've seen the photos.
And now you have a little cash flow problem.
So I'm told.
Well, you know, I am a gambling man.
And I know you're a football man.
I won't be missing any goals right in front.
Betting has come a long way since those days.
It's not just about winning or losing.
There's hundreds of things you can bet on who kicks the first goal, the last goal, who wins the coin toss.
There's heaps of money to be made.
What do you want? Just a little "info sharing".
Let's rekindle our partnership for old time's sake.
What do you say? It was one mistake.
It almost cost me my career.
It's pretty simple, really.
No partnership, no money, no Warriors.
The choice is yours, old sport.
If I do this you come to me and no one else on the team, understood? You don't talk to Maki.
Whatever you say.
But first things first.
You want some sugar? - Well? - We have our new sponsor.
Oh, you beauty.
You beauty! Yeah.
We'll celebrate.
(LIFT BELL RINGS) There's nothing to celebrate.
Fast Freddy doesn't muck around, hey? No, he doesn't.
The Warriors have a new sponsor, who keeps us on the paddock.
Hey, boys, what do you think of the new sponsor? No good.
Why's that? Gambling.
Rubbish one.
I tried it last night.
Fast Freddy took all my money.
Everyone loses.
Sorry, Ken, that last comment, that's off the record.
Boys, inside, thanks.
Off the record! Maki, can you tell us where you were last night? Thanks for coming, Ken.
- Okay.
- DOC: Hey, Mitzi.
Hey, champ.
That's straight, isn't it? It's crooked.
That one on the right.
You reckon? Hey, Bob, get the spirit level.
Care to make it interesting? Four, five, six Get in here before I chuck you in here.
This is my beach.
- You okay, mate? - Piss off, towelhead.
Yeah, take your monkey with you.
I know it's terrible, but Maki's just gonna have to man up.
But we need to respond to that! You don't wanna get mixed up with this race shit.
Trust me.
We have to do something about this.
Anyone even thinks about doing anything and they're in the reserves.
You got me? That's him talking as a president.
As a player, I know what he would've done 'cause his teammates were like his fuckin' brothers! Scottie, are you still on social media lockdown? Yeah, of course.
Then how come you're getting #SexyIrish, #GingerLove and #WhereDoIComeFrom?