The Watch (2020) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Where were we with this?
Throat's the city's best snitch.
But her information
doesn't come cheap.
CARROT: Vimes and Carcer.
They grew up together.
30 kids used to sleep in here.
CARCER: I was never a kid.
I had to take care of myself
'cause no one else would.
Took care of you, remember?
You're a werewolf.
Why don't you stay like this?
Because I'm not just this.
(GROWLING)
Do you have any idea how many thieves
rethink their choice of profession
after ten weeks of intensive nursing?
The key to controlling the dragon
is a talking sword called Wayne?
ANGUA: There are other artefacts.
CHEERY: We need all of them
to control the dragon.
We must question the sword, Vimes.
You're talking about
controlling the Dragon yourself, sir?
Failure to comply
with my orders can only be fatal.
We want you to steal something.
A sword
CARCER: It's in the hands of a fool.
All you have to do
is take it from him.
- (OLD TIMEY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
(FILM REEL ROLLING)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(GASPING)
Oh. Thought you'd snuffed it.
Are you measuring me?
It's for my mate,
Dave The Re-animator.
He does dancing corpses
for kids' parties.
I'm not a corpse.
Do look a bit peaky, though.
Is there any low you don't sink to?
I don't lock women in crates.
Oh, I am sorry about that.
THROAT: Ah, quite enjoyed it, actually.
See, that's what I love most
about our city, Vimes.
Whatever happens,
no matter how bad it is,
people will take it.
Gangs, then guilds. Now a dragon.
It's not that they say "Yes,"
they just never say "No."
If Vetinari slaughtered
half of 'em for looking at him funny,
the other half, they'd just
(SNAPS FINGER)
Snap to it.
Sounds like you admire him.
He's a man of her word.
(MUTTERING)
Oh, is this on?
No. No, keep painting.
Are you poor? Destitute?
Looking for your next
opportunity to be exploited?
Unseen University
is delighted to offer you
the chance of a brief
but rewarding career
in Supernatural Disposal.
Write to me, The Archchancellor,
Ethereal Way
You sure you're feeling
all right, Vimes?
'Cause what Dave does
with them corpses is very tasteful.
All right, Wayne.
We need answers.
WAYNE: I'm not saying shit
without my solicitor.
Recognise this?
WAYNE: Yeah.
Quite tricky without eyes.
How do these artefacts bring
the Noble Dragon to heel?
WAYNE: Not entirely sure
how I can hear, either.
We were told you used to dream
about other artefacts.
WAYNE: I can see the logic
of this is bullshit.
- Yeah, it doesn't make much sense.
- Constable Carrot,
add "withholding information"
to the charge sheet.
- You're gonna charge a sword?
- WAYNE: A rusty sword, really?
Yesterday, he was the most
talkative bladed weapon I've ever met
- He's playing us.
- He is a little rusty.
(WHISTLING)
Been entombed for so long, the change
in air temperature's making him tarnish.
- WAYNE: There you go. He's got it.
- Thanks, Spike.
Get those test-tubes cleaned and then
you can take the afternoon off,
all right?
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
WAYNE: Good day to you, my Lord.
- WAYNE: Mmm, mmm.
- (CHUCKLING)
WAYNE: Thou restoreth me anew.
Is there anything you
can tell us about the other artefacts?
WAYNE: My memory is becoming
clearer by the second.
We're connected.
Sometimes we dream about each other,
sometimes dragons,
sometimes squid, you like squid?
Tell us how to find
the other artefacts, now,
or I'll fetch my soldering iron
What about the Sorcerer?
After he created the Grimoire,
something changed him, didn't it?
Gave you all away.
He hid you.
WAYNE: There was this one thing,
didn't think much of it at the time.
The Sorcerer told someone
to hide one of the others in, erm,
now, let me see, what was it?
The dark.
In the dark.
- ANGUA: Is that it?
- Why'd you say it twice?
WAYNE: So everyone
remembers it later.
- Whoa, there.
- SYBIL: Vimes.
This sword is a cryptic arsehole.
WAYNE: Thank you.
VIMES: You're coming with me.
Sir, we have orders
to interrogate Wayne and
New orders.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Tell us where you're going, Captain.
There's a lake where
the Archchancellor dumps magical waste.
- So, you're dumping Wayne?
- WAYNE: I'll do the dumping round here.
They used pay us street kids
to cart rubbish out to it.
WAYNE: I like to dump.
It would dissolve as soon
as it hit the water.
WAYNE: I was once known
as the Duchess of Dump.
Any day, any night
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
And Lord Vetinari wants this?
- He can tell us so much more.
- And the dragon?
A wild animal no one can control
is better than a weapon
in the wrong hands.
Is that Vetinari talking or you?
Wayne speaks, and he's alive, Sir.
- And we're not executioners.
- Will you listen to me?
If I don't carry out this order,
Vetinari will execute me.
So I'm doing this. Just me.
There is no "Just me."
Not any more. We're a team.
That is the deliberate desecration
of a public building under
Er
Section 2 of the
Criminal Damage Act, Sir.
VIMES: Keep reading
those law books, son.
Cheery, don't give up
on that jigsaw puzzle.
Angua!
I'm promoting you to Captain.
Temporarily, sir.
And I want you all to find
whoever's responsible
for insulting the dignity
of the Watch House.
It's not an insult, Vimes.
It means resist.
It's a sign that people
are starting to believe,
that we, together,
can make things better.
Look after them, Lady Ramkin.
WAYNE: Are we about to embark
on an epic quest?
What's wrong with him?
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
You are my top earners. My best.
La Creme, no building
you can't burgle.
Shifty? Get that hand
out of my pocket, ya filth.
(LAUGHING)
And of course, there's, erm
- Brian.
- Brian.
Brian. And you steal
- Identities.
- Of course. Right. (CHUCKLES)
That's why I didn't know what to call
Brian today, is it?
What is power?
Fear.
Fear makes people remember you.
Respect you.
Accept the unthinkable.
You control
what people fear
You control them.
URDO: Yep, good speech.
So, me and my new squad here
have a way of making
what stalks the skies above
into our B-I-T-C-H.
The Noble Dragon.
- That's right
- (METAL CLATTERING)
Could you give us a minute, please?
Please, I'm right in the
middle of something.
All you need to do
is steal this sword from The Watch.
Once we have it,
we'll control the dragon.
And the city, is ours.
(GLASSES TAPPING)
(PANTING)
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTING)
WAYNE: Dickhead.
My advice would be to look where
you're going when you montage.
Only a mile outside the city
and you've already fallen over?
- (VIMES GRUNTS)
- Good walk, Vimes?
(EXHALES)
I
Meant do that.
Quickest way down.
(COUGHING)
I thought I told you to stay put.
Captain Angua told us
to follow you, Sir.
- Said it might be dangerous.
- Dangerous?
It's just wasteland.
It's perfectly safe.
SYBIL: Are those gallows?
It's only a gate.
Come back here, the pair of you.
Kind of busy
for a wasteland, Captain.
VIMES: These weren't here before.
SYBIL: Perfectly safe?
CHEERY: Looks like
they ripped themselves apart.
It takes a lot to rip out
your own spine.
What would make you
want do something like that yourself?
We've all wanted pull off
our own heads from time to time.
Now, I want you both
to go back right now.
Listen, something's obviously different
from when you were last here.
I still have to go through with it.
Are you sure, Vimes?
It's not just what you did.
It's everything you're gonna do.
Okay. Okay.
But if there's any trouble, you get out.
You go. Understand?
Captain? Wayne's
a powerful magical artefact.
If we try to dissolve him, there could
be catastrophic consequences.
So we get clear
when we get to the lake.
At least let me carry him for a while.
I can run some tests.
Make sure it's safe.
You don't want blow us all up, do you?
Lake is five miles Hubwards.
This place
They'll be back soon.
(SCOFFS)
What's left to come back to when you've
just sentenced a living
creature to death?
- It's just a sword.
- He's just a sword.
Why is the Captain
so ready to throw away
- everything we're trying to be?
- And what are we trying to be, Carrot?
Better.
Sometimes things can't be helped.
There's no sometimes when
it comes being a killer, Angua.
(WIND BLOWING)
How do you know those words,
"The dark in the dark?"
WAYNE: You can't dissolve me.
- Answer me, Wayne.
- WAYNE: I am your brother.
Cheery, what is he saying?
WAYNE: All right,
I'm not your brother, but
- it was worth (MUFFLED)
- Nothing.
- Maybe, er, Cheery,
- (WAYNE CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
I should carry him.
(SCOFFS)
WAYNE: If you can't hear me,
there's no point.
I'm a talking sword.
I'm one of a kind.
To cover me up is torture.
What is that?
VIMES: Looks like the things
we used to dump in the lake.
SYBIL: The Archchancellor's
failed inventions.
Some kind of torture
instrument, maybe.
But why has it
been dumped here?
(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
It's reacting to us.
Where the hell
did that come from?
Whoa, careful.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
(WHIRRING STOPS)
Is it for walking?
What's the point of walking
if you don't go anywhere?
- (BEEPING)
- That's weird.
Not any weirder than this complaint.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
CHEERY: Unseen University
steals these inventions
from a place called Roundworld.
Why isn't all this stuff in the lake?
When were you
last here, Vimes?
Long before I joined The Watch.
CHEERY: These objects
are leaking thaumic energy everywhere.
and we're walking through
that energy right now?
(WHOOSHING)
We need to tread carefully.
I think the closer
we get to those objects,
the more it disturbs their
energy, it displaces them.
It's like they don't want be here.
And this energy? Is it harmful?
Who knows?
It's pure, undiluted magic.
No one's safe from that.
Is that why those people
were ripping themselves apart?
- Doubt it.
- Really?
No, not really.
Broken things and thaumic energy.
It's not a good combination.
CARROT: The complaint came
from down here.
Who complains about not being robbed?
It was terrible.
I I pre-booked
the robbery,
chose a noon slot so I'd know
when the Thieves were coming.
But then
(SOBBING)
Just take your time.
They just walked past me.
I don't know what
this world's coming to.
I paid for a scheduled
mugging, too.
We're good citizens.
Comply with Guild rules.
Accept it's our social duty.
Only for this to happen.
Now we don't know
when we'll be attacked.
I know. We understand.
CARROT: Don't you wanna
live in a better city?
Like a law-abiding place where no one
is duty-bound to being attacked?
Yeah, but, we don't live
in that perfect world, do we, Constable?
So what are you gonna do
about this one, eh?
That's the question.
No. The question is, where are the
Thieves that work this patch?
They won't give up
the sword easily, Brian.
Oh, it's Stefano now.
They'll fight.
They'll lose.
Go with Brian
Ugh, Stefano. Go.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
- (ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
- (ALL GASPING)
- (FLAMES WHOOSHING)
- (ALL GASPING)
(CLATTERING)
(EXHALES)
WOMAN: Don't move.
I'm not moving.
WOMAN: Give me the necklace.
(GRUNTING)
Lydia?
(GRUNTING)
Back to stealing?
What happened to you?
You were my star student.
You won Most Rapid Rehabilitation
It doesn't work, Lady Ramkin.
Nothing you ever tried to do works.
It's all broken.
- I let you go too soon.
- You can't do it.
You can't change people.
I had a family before you took me.
A family of thieves and beggars
and blackmailers
but still a family.
When I wanted to go straight,
they abandoned me.
I was alone.
You orphaned me.
(SCREAMING)
VIMES: What's happening?
CHEERY: She's throttling herself.
It must be the magic.
Klatchian coffee will
sort her out. Come on.
- (SCREAMING)
- Drink it, Sybil.
(GRUNTS)
CHEERY: There you go,
there you go, there you go.
(SYBIL GROANS)
Sybil.
(WHIMPERS)
You've got to go back.
You look tired, Vimes.
Let me take Wayne.
CHEERY: Not a good
combination, Lady Ramkin.
(PANTING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Ah.
Corporal von Uberwald,
Constable Irounfoundersson.
I never knew young
dragons could sing.
(DRAGON TRILLING)
He's, um, special, Sir.
I've come here to check on the progress
of the interrogation.
The sword.
Is Vimes here?
- Yes.
- No.
- No.
- Yes.
The Captain and Corporal Cheery
took the sword out for a walk.
Why would it need
two of them to walk a prisoner?
If my old man could
see me now.
The great name, Urdo van Pew,
forever synonymous with power.
My father brought me here
when I was six.
No guild would have him.
So the only way
he could feed us was to steal.
Noble profession.
- I don't see a sword.
- It's gone.
Remember the lake
we used to go to?
The lands around it
are now magically contaminated
by the Archchancellor's experiments.
Anyone who trespasses unprotected
disturbs their thaumic energy fields.
Sends them back into the part
of the city they set out from.
How does that help me?
I just saw one by The Watch House.
It doesn't want to be thrown away.
Vimes is gonna dissolve the sword.
Er, excuse me,
who's in charge here?
I think the applause was
for both speeches.
The Thieves' Guild killed my dad,
'cos he was stealing
on their territory.
I wasn't around then.
Ah.
But you are now.
Does this place always look like
it's been ransacked by a mob?
CARROT: We're gonna
clean it up, Sir.
I would, if I were you.
I want Captain Vimes
to deliver a progress report
on his return.
Wow.
You are the worst liar I've ever met.
Yeah, well, Vetinari didn't do this
The prisoner.
Who was here, Skimmer?
I'm not trying to escape.
I just like eating, um, wall.
Ah Thieves' Guild.
You know in Uberwald we don't
have spoons, we have scoops.
To scrape innards out
of our prey's carcass.
La Creme,
Shifty, Woosh and Stefano,
their top guys.
They wanted the sword.
Ow!
Ah.
Can I have my spoon back, please?
Carcer's cut a deal
with The Thieves' Guild.
And if the Captain goes
ahead with his plan
Vetinari will execute him.
That's why he made you Captain.
He doesn't think
he'll be coming back.
He's almost ready.
The thaumic energy has side effects.
The drifters the Archchancellor
sends in there
talk about how it compels them
to see what's broken inside.
You have a way to protect us?
Well, this Charm should displace
whatever would have
happened to us onto him.
His mind will be destroyed.
Good.
VIMES: We're almost there.
(WHOOSHING)
Whoa Let's go!
(SINGING)
SERGE: You've got
the wrong man, Constable.
I'm a thief, not a snitch.
Never seen him before.
You didn't even look.
And that bundle of notes?
There's new rules for thieves.
Aren't you meant to be giving all
profits to The Assassins' Guild?
Look at it!
(GRUNTING)
This is Stu the Fence.
- (GROANS)
- Says Carcer and Urdo were here.
That's right, isn't it, Stu?
- (GRUNTS)
- Isn't it, Stu?
Yeah.
CARROT: Where is he?
Well?
Him and the boss is headed
to a lake outside the city.
If you leave now,
you might catch them.
Boy
Boy!
Stop!
What's your name?
Sam. Sam Vimes.
It's too dangerous
for you to be out here on your own, Sam.
Mmm. Don't be afraid.
Sam!
Carcer?
SAM: Sorry, mister. I have to go.
No wait, both of you! Don't go!
Sam!
It's got a hold of him, too, Cheery.
Hurry.
(VIMES MUMBLING)
- Captain. Captain.
- Come on, Vimes. Drink.
CHEERY: That's it.
That's it.
(VIMES GURGLING)
Come on. Wake up. Wake up.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
SYBIL: Vimes, wake up.
Come on, Vimes.
- Vimes!
- It's not working. Why's it not working?
LYDIA: It doesn't work,
Lady Ramkin.
It doesn't work, Lady Ramkin.
It doesn't work, Lady Ramkin.
CHEERY: Yep, that's it.
Come on, Captain. Come on.
ANGUA: There!
(GRUNTS)
SAM: I'm so tired.
DEATH: Maybe it's time.
(ECHOES)
Yeah. It's me.
To stop?
Maybe.
Stop what?
Watching, Sam Vimes.
Watching.
You don't think I should throw the sword
into the lake?
(GROANING)
LYDIA: Nothing you
ever tried to do works.
Nothing works.
Lady Ramkin
Lady Ramkin
(SCREAMS)
Ah!
LYDIA: You can't do it.
You can't change people.
We're caught between
too many Thaumic Fields.
That's why he's not coming out of it.
We need to get him clear.
Lady Ramkin?
We need to destroy Wayne.
What were you whispering
to him back there?
That doesn't matter.
Don't do this.
I'm going to find
the other artefacts.
Control that dragon.
And I will make a change.
(VIMES GROANS LOUDLY)
But I looked into Vetinari's eyes.
And you were afraid
of what looked back,
like this dog is afraid ofyou.
- Afraid of me?
- Mmm.
You used to piss on me.
Because it is angry
with your kind.
So it pisses on them
whenever it can.
Bites anyone who tries to touch it.
(DEATH GROANS)
- (CONTINUES GROANING)
- (DOG WHIMPERING)
Oh.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Stop watching.
Start believing.
So, you're telling me
the worst isn't inevitable?
No. I'm telling you
I appear to be
temporarily trapped in a dog.
Oh.
And also, that first part I just said,
about believing
Weren't you listening?
(SCREAMS)
He needs you, Lady Ramkin!
He's got you. He always had.
Come on, Captain.
Come on.
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
No, Cheery. Stop!
It's not real!
Stop!
- Stop, please. Stop.
- (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Stop. No!
(GRUNTING)
(SYBIL GRUNTS)
CARCER: It's not just
what you did
it's everything you're gonna do.
Take this.
SYBIL: Sam.
Sam.
Sam!
I don't want to throw it all away.
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Cheery!
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
Cheery.
(COUGHING)
Are we out? Are we out of it?
Yes.
She tried to take it, Captain.
If you want change
you need power.
Anybody who wants power that bad
- shouldn't have it.
- Well, then.
That would make you
the perfect leader, wouldn't it?
Lake's that way.
ANGUA: We have to get to
the Captain before them.
(GIRL LAUGHING)
Angua?
One. Two.
Three.
Four
ANGUA: Five
Six, seven
- What's going on?
- Eight.
Nine.
Ten.
Ready for my birthday surprise!
(CHAIN CLINKING)
(GASPS)
It's for your own good, Angua.
Don't leave me, Grandma.
Don't leave me! Grandma!
(GRUNTING)
Don't leave me!
Please! Come back!
Help me!
(CRYING)
GIRL: Angua!
Angua!
No.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Your Grandma told me to find you.
ANGUA: Gretchen, go away.
It's a trap.
Run away, Gretchen.
It's not safe. Leave now!
Why would I run away from you?
You're my best friend.
No, Gretchen! Go!
I'm not gonna leave you.
(SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERING)
- (HOWLING)
- (GRETCHEN SCREAMING)
(GROWLING LOUDLY)
(SOBBING)
It's time you accepted
what you are, Angua.
It's in our blood.
Wait till Mother finds out.
WOMAN: Angua.
Darling.
You had to learn.
For the good of the pack,
we can never be
friends with humans.
You knew?
Angua
(CRYING)
I can never be friends with humans.
I'm not just a human,
am I?
Like you're not just a werewolf?
And Wayne's not just a sword.
And I'm not gonna
run away from you either.
You're in a different pack now.
WAYNE: So if you'll just let me go
I swear I won't say anything
to anyone about any of this.
I'll retire to a farm.
Get beaten into a ploughshare,
toil the land until the end of my days.
Just let me go in peace
and we'll say nothing more about it.
What do you say?
It's too dangerous to
let the city have you.
- Vimes.
- WAYNE: Look, you don't have to do this.
Don't give up on this chance.
- You have to do it, Captain.
- WAYNE: Shit. Really?
No. No, don't. Please, don't.
There's something I must tell you.
I am your brother!
It's a Lady of the Lake.
SYBIL: A what?
Ladies form in magically
contaminated water.
WAYNE: I am not your brother!
Bollocks.
- (SCREAMS IN PAIN)
- WAYNE: Behold.
SYBIL: Oh, great.
- (GRIMACING)
- WAYNE: The Lady has spoken.
Why aren't you wearing
decent boots?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
"My boots cost $10."
Hey, hey, hey. Don't move, Captain.
Don't move.
- (GROANING)
- WAYNE: Shits on a bit, doesn't he?
It's just at the edge.
WAYNE: I think she was
actually aiming for your toe.
Now look at you.
She doesn't want us
to throw him away.
Well, what does she want?
I don't know.
What should we do
with the swo
You have to use her title.
- Lady of the
- Lady
of the Lake.
CHEERY: And ask
a specific question.
SYBIL: Is Vimes
right to get rid of the sword?
Well, that's a no.
Lady of the Lake
If I don't do this
What happens in the future?
To the city?
To us?
To me?
I'd be disappointed with that.
Wait.
Resist?
(GASPS)
I think this one's real.
Oh, it's very real.
You said it's not just what I did.
It's what am I gonna do.
What am I gonna do?
Nothing now.
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
Move! That way. Go!
- The sword.
- There's too many of them. Come on.
Get into to that. Whatever it is.
(ENGINE TURNING OVER)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(VIMES GROANING)
- Ah!
- What the hell is it?
SYBIL: I have no idea.
Destroying the sword wasn't
Vetinari's order, was it, Captain?
(GROANS)
Why did the Lady of the Lake
throw it back to me?
Because she knew it would be
in the right hands.
We can't throw this away.
Now you really are Captain.
And this time, stay here.
All of you. Right?
(SIGHS)
(GROANS SOFTLY)
Can you fellas
VIMES: Sir, before you do
whatever it is you're
gonna do with me,
I'd like to recommend
Corporal Angua
for promotion to Captain.
Between her,
Cheery and the kid
you've got everything you need.
ANGUA: I refuse.
This pack doesn't leave
anyone behind.
And if you're gonna be punished
Then so are we.
The Watch doesn't work
without you, Captain.
Lady Sybil Ramkin.
Lord Havelock Vetinari.
Unusual company
you've been keeping.
They care very deeply about
the future of this city.
As much as you do, Lady Ramkin?
I do what I must.
And now this?
And now this.
The inhumation of an aristocrat
in Ankh-Morpork
would be quite unremarkable,
Lady Ramkin.
The sudden disappearance
of the only people willing
to sacrifice themselves
for the sake
of others wouldn't be,
- Lord Vetinari.
- (SCOFFS)
I see.
(TAPPING CANE)
Captain Vimes.
I would like you
and your brave officers
to arrest
the Head of The Thieves' Guild
and anybody else
who aided the fugitive Carcer Dun.
You want us to declare war?
To sacrifice yourself
for the sake of others.
Oh, and would you retrieve
the sword if you can?
I care very deeply about
the future of this city.
(SIGHS)
Cheery fixed it. Look.
You were right.
It is for walking.
The prisoner can
walk himself now.
He won't need us to do it.
Heads up, team.
Constable Carrot,
when you first got here
you tried to arrest
the Head of the Thieves' Guild.
Now you're gonna
get to do it for real.
So you better be ready.
You all better be ready,
'cause I have no idea
how this is gonna go.
Most importantly,
who gets to shout,
"This is a raid?"
- (HUFFS)
- SYBIL: Me?
Well Only if you insist.
I brought this old thing,
just in case.
Hmm.
Cheery.
What were you talking
about with the sword?
I know what "the dark in the dark"
means, Lady Ramkin.
It's how we find
the next artefact.
And it terrifies me.
(MUSIC PLAYING)