The Weekenders (2000) s01e05 Episode Script
The Perfect Weekend
1
Hey, Tino here.
Okay, so after years of painstaking
research, I have found out that I'm
finally come up with a plan for:
The Perfect Weekend.
Yeah, this is the master plan.
It cannot fail.
Huh, pretty cool, huh?
But I got to hurry.
There's only 54 hours till bedtime Sunday,
and I don't want to miss a second!
Okay, here's the deal.
First, we go to the mall and hit the
5-for-1 sale at Everything 'Fits.
After the mall, we jet over to Baklava Day
at the Anthropology Museum, and then we
can't forget the arcade has
new scootball prizes this week.
Hey, relax.
We got all weekend.
Well, I just want to be sure we get it all in.
ahem Here, I wrote up individual schedules for
everyone.
I'm totally on board.
Me too.
Count me in!
Tino, is there room on the schedule to
squeeze in a bag of cheese corn?
Um.. no..
Okay, but there's only
53 and 3/4 hours left
this weekend, so let's
keep it moving, people.
Chop-chop!
The cheese corn is in the kitchen..
which means
We have to get past my brothers.
Okay, we should be safe.
It's feeding time.
Stay close, and don't get separated.
And remember, keep your hands
and feet away from their mouths.
I think I hear war drums.. ?
Come, they can smell fear.
We made it.
Hey, that was our best time yet.
Is that my little Spitfire?
Hah! Granny McQuarrie!!
Well, I decided to drop in
on my favorite granddaughter.
What do you think of this l'il surprise, Lor?
Awesome.
Granny! Granny! Granny! Granny!
And then there were three.
I can't believe it.
She ditched us for her grandmother.
Have we no legal recourse here?
Hey, you still got us.
Carv', there you are.
Your father and I were just leaving.
Where you going?
Very exciting conference: upgrading for
superior, improved, progressive improvements.
Starts tonight, then it's 8 a.m.
to 8 p.m.
tomorrow and Sunday.
And while we're out, I need
you to do one little thing for me.
Okay, no problem.
This is the weekend I volunteer
with Helpers Helping the Helpless.
And you want me to call,
and tell 'em you can't make it.
No, I want you to go in my place.
Kiss, kiss.
Oh, no, not you, too!
No worries, T.
I'm not going anywhere.
Carver, your mom just faxed
me from her car and said
to pick you up on my
way to the volunteer center.
But I
No time, get in.
groans
Bye, Carver.
And then there were two.
You can't control everything, Tino.
I don't want to control everything.
I just want people and events
to mold to my desires.
Okay, look, we can still do all those
things.
They'll just be the two of us.
Oh, hey, I need to run in here for a sec.
sighs Okay, but just because
there's only two of us, doesn't mean
we can be all "loosey goosey" with
the schedule for the weekend.
Hey, Mr. Higginbotham, I need a new pick
for my dulcimer.
Tish, I'm so glad to see you.
We're having our annual dulcimer contest
this Sunday.
What?!
Oh, sorry, Mr. Higginbotham, but
This.. is first prize.
Sign me up!
The cheese stands alone.
You sure you don't wanna chew that?
No time.
What are you doing today?
I'm going to gather the guys and do all
the things on my master plan.
Well, I thought they were all busy.. ?
They just lost focus.
I need to get them back on track.
Tino, you do know you can have fun
without doing everything you planned, right?
Oh sure, it's very.. !
Okay, I gotta go.
swallows
.. groans Maybe I should have chewed those.
Yeah, I was going to
give you the chewing
lecture, but I figured
I'd let your stomach do it.
Give it some more gas~!
Hey, Lor.
Granny, this is my friend Tino.
Oh, you're a real hot ticket, huh?
Oh, ow.
Nice to meet you.
Didn't bring any hose clamps, didja?
Uh, gee, you know I didn't.
Hey, you want to help us fix the tractor?
It's pretty fun.
How can it be fun?
Every possible fun thing is in my plan.
I think you're a little too
into that plan of yours.
Or are you just not into it enough?
Okay, somebody needs to
hop the bus to Mellowtown
Hey, don't look into the flame,
kids.
It'll cook your eyeballs like eggs.
God, isn't she great?
groans
And then the waiter says, "Sorry,
we don't serve crabs here."
Carver?
You are an absolute caution.
Who wants pizza?
Psst
Carver.. !
Tino?
What are you doin' here?
I came to rescue you.
You want me to tell em you're
needed at home, or something?
No!
I mean, uh, I can't let down the helpless
people.
Carver, can you eat a medium pizza by
yourself?
You know it, Gloria.
It's a sacrifice, Tino, but I gotta do my part.
So how long is this gonna take?
Half an hour or so?
I'm ordering some ice cream, toooo~!
I'ma be here all day.
Hey, you want to join us?
No way.
I'm sticking to the plan.
Suuure.
Yeahh, the plan.
I better go.
See you Monday.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How's your soy dog?
Oh, not so rubbery this time.
Maybe you should have
knocked on Tish's door.
She loves an audience.
Nope.
Not in the plan.
Or, you could go sit with
Carver and do volunteer work.
Okay, Mom, you're obviously not
understanding me here.
There was a master plan.
Research was involved.
The plan must be followed.
It is the Master.
Look, I had it written
down and everything, see?
"A kite flies on a string.
Not a stick."
Wow.
I could see her lips moving, but it's just
like you're going blah, blah, blah.
I'm saying you have to be flexible.
Oh.
Hmm.
Well, maybe you're right.
Just because those guys are all off the
plan doesn't mean I have to be.
Oh oh, got to go.
Only 33 hours left.
Later days.
Whatever.
All right, let's get this show on the
road.
Anthropology Museum:
Baklava Day.
The Anthropology Museum
is sorry to announce that
the demand for baklava
has exceeded the supply.
Please go away.
groans
New scootball prizes.
Sale at: Everything Fits.
End, of perfect weekend.
Oh, I was wondering where you were.
Yeah, just sitting out here, waiting for
school.
For school?
But it's Sunday.
You've got the whole day.
The weekend's over.
I planned it out.
I did everything I planned, and now I'm
just ready for Monday mornin'.
Bring it.
Sooo, you're just going to sit here all day?
Well, there's nothing left to do.
There's always something to do.
But if you've made up your mind,
I'll call you when dinner's ready.
I already ate dinner.
Oh, there you go.
My master plan was a total bust.
My perfect weekend was a disaster.
And
Hey, dulcimer contest?
Maybe I can salvage this weekend.
Thanks for bringing everyone, Tino.
Actually, it was the most fun I've had all weekend.
I'm so glad all you guys came.
Thanks so much.
This is the happiest day of my entire day.
Hey, tiger!
You run along with your
pals while I head back
to show the boys how to
lay a brick barbecue pit.
Okay.
Tino, you in?
Sure.
I'm flexible.
He's going to feel that in the morning.
I had so much fun practicing this weekend.
Just me and my dulcimer.
It was really perfect.
Yeah, my granny and I totally bonded.
She is so my hero.
I know what you mean.
These neighborhood ladies: they volunteer,
they raise kids, they cook meals.
I swear, I am not going to make
fun of their big hair anymore.
.. as much.
Sorry, Tino.
You probably had like a totally
bog'[us] weekend by yourself, huh?
Nah.
I'm just glad you guys had a good time.
I think I'll keep my kite
off the stick for a while.
Wow.
I can see your lips moving, but it's
like you were just going, nah, nah, nah.
Yeah, I know.
There's nothing wrong with having a plan,
BUT when you try to force everyone else to
follow your plan, well,
you're really no better
than a gym teacher
or something, are you?
Think about it.
Hey, Tino here.
Okay, so after years of painstaking
research, I have found out that I'm
finally come up with a plan for:
The Perfect Weekend.
Yeah, this is the master plan.
It cannot fail.
Huh, pretty cool, huh?
But I got to hurry.
There's only 54 hours till bedtime Sunday,
and I don't want to miss a second!
Okay, here's the deal.
First, we go to the mall and hit the
5-for-1 sale at Everything 'Fits.
After the mall, we jet over to Baklava Day
at the Anthropology Museum, and then we
can't forget the arcade has
new scootball prizes this week.
Hey, relax.
We got all weekend.
Well, I just want to be sure we get it all in.
ahem Here, I wrote up individual schedules for
everyone.
I'm totally on board.
Me too.
Count me in!
Tino, is there room on the schedule to
squeeze in a bag of cheese corn?
Um.. no..
Okay, but there's only
53 and 3/4 hours left
this weekend, so let's
keep it moving, people.
Chop-chop!
The cheese corn is in the kitchen..
which means
We have to get past my brothers.
Okay, we should be safe.
It's feeding time.
Stay close, and don't get separated.
And remember, keep your hands
and feet away from their mouths.
I think I hear war drums.. ?
Come, they can smell fear.
We made it.
Hey, that was our best time yet.
Is that my little Spitfire?
Hah! Granny McQuarrie!!
Well, I decided to drop in
on my favorite granddaughter.
What do you think of this l'il surprise, Lor?
Awesome.
Granny! Granny! Granny! Granny!
And then there were three.
I can't believe it.
She ditched us for her grandmother.
Have we no legal recourse here?
Hey, you still got us.
Carv', there you are.
Your father and I were just leaving.
Where you going?
Very exciting conference: upgrading for
superior, improved, progressive improvements.
Starts tonight, then it's 8 a.m.
to 8 p.m.
tomorrow and Sunday.
And while we're out, I need
you to do one little thing for me.
Okay, no problem.
This is the weekend I volunteer
with Helpers Helping the Helpless.
And you want me to call,
and tell 'em you can't make it.
No, I want you to go in my place.
Kiss, kiss.
Oh, no, not you, too!
No worries, T.
I'm not going anywhere.
Carver, your mom just faxed
me from her car and said
to pick you up on my
way to the volunteer center.
But I
No time, get in.
groans
Bye, Carver.
And then there were two.
You can't control everything, Tino.
I don't want to control everything.
I just want people and events
to mold to my desires.
Okay, look, we can still do all those
things.
They'll just be the two of us.
Oh, hey, I need to run in here for a sec.
sighs Okay, but just because
there's only two of us, doesn't mean
we can be all "loosey goosey" with
the schedule for the weekend.
Hey, Mr. Higginbotham, I need a new pick
for my dulcimer.
Tish, I'm so glad to see you.
We're having our annual dulcimer contest
this Sunday.
What?!
Oh, sorry, Mr. Higginbotham, but
This.. is first prize.
Sign me up!
The cheese stands alone.
You sure you don't wanna chew that?
No time.
What are you doing today?
I'm going to gather the guys and do all
the things on my master plan.
Well, I thought they were all busy.. ?
They just lost focus.
I need to get them back on track.
Tino, you do know you can have fun
without doing everything you planned, right?
Oh sure, it's very.. !
Okay, I gotta go.
swallows
.. groans Maybe I should have chewed those.
Yeah, I was going to
give you the chewing
lecture, but I figured
I'd let your stomach do it.
Give it some more gas~!
Hey, Lor.
Granny, this is my friend Tino.
Oh, you're a real hot ticket, huh?
Oh, ow.
Nice to meet you.
Didn't bring any hose clamps, didja?
Uh, gee, you know I didn't.
Hey, you want to help us fix the tractor?
It's pretty fun.
How can it be fun?
Every possible fun thing is in my plan.
I think you're a little too
into that plan of yours.
Or are you just not into it enough?
Okay, somebody needs to
hop the bus to Mellowtown
Hey, don't look into the flame,
kids.
It'll cook your eyeballs like eggs.
God, isn't she great?
groans
And then the waiter says, "Sorry,
we don't serve crabs here."
Carver?
You are an absolute caution.
Who wants pizza?
Psst
Carver.. !
Tino?
What are you doin' here?
I came to rescue you.
You want me to tell em you're
needed at home, or something?
No!
I mean, uh, I can't let down the helpless
people.
Carver, can you eat a medium pizza by
yourself?
You know it, Gloria.
It's a sacrifice, Tino, but I gotta do my part.
So how long is this gonna take?
Half an hour or so?
I'm ordering some ice cream, toooo~!
I'ma be here all day.
Hey, you want to join us?
No way.
I'm sticking to the plan.
Suuure.
Yeahh, the plan.
I better go.
See you Monday.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
How's your soy dog?
Oh, not so rubbery this time.
Maybe you should have
knocked on Tish's door.
She loves an audience.
Nope.
Not in the plan.
Or, you could go sit with
Carver and do volunteer work.
Okay, Mom, you're obviously not
understanding me here.
There was a master plan.
Research was involved.
The plan must be followed.
It is the Master.
Look, I had it written
down and everything, see?
"A kite flies on a string.
Not a stick."
Wow.
I could see her lips moving, but it's just
like you're going blah, blah, blah.
I'm saying you have to be flexible.
Oh.
Hmm.
Well, maybe you're right.
Just because those guys are all off the
plan doesn't mean I have to be.
Oh oh, got to go.
Only 33 hours left.
Later days.
Whatever.
All right, let's get this show on the
road.
Anthropology Museum:
Baklava Day.
The Anthropology Museum
is sorry to announce that
the demand for baklava
has exceeded the supply.
Please go away.
groans
New scootball prizes.
Sale at: Everything Fits.
End, of perfect weekend.
Oh, I was wondering where you were.
Yeah, just sitting out here, waiting for
school.
For school?
But it's Sunday.
You've got the whole day.
The weekend's over.
I planned it out.
I did everything I planned, and now I'm
just ready for Monday mornin'.
Bring it.
Sooo, you're just going to sit here all day?
Well, there's nothing left to do.
There's always something to do.
But if you've made up your mind,
I'll call you when dinner's ready.
I already ate dinner.
Oh, there you go.
My master plan was a total bust.
My perfect weekend was a disaster.
And
Hey, dulcimer contest?
Maybe I can salvage this weekend.
Thanks for bringing everyone, Tino.
Actually, it was the most fun I've had all weekend.
I'm so glad all you guys came.
Thanks so much.
This is the happiest day of my entire day.
Hey, tiger!
You run along with your
pals while I head back
to show the boys how to
lay a brick barbecue pit.
Okay.
Tino, you in?
Sure.
I'm flexible.
He's going to feel that in the morning.
I had so much fun practicing this weekend.
Just me and my dulcimer.
It was really perfect.
Yeah, my granny and I totally bonded.
She is so my hero.
I know what you mean.
These neighborhood ladies: they volunteer,
they raise kids, they cook meals.
I swear, I am not going to make
fun of their big hair anymore.
.. as much.
Sorry, Tino.
You probably had like a totally
bog'[us] weekend by yourself, huh?
Nah.
I'm just glad you guys had a good time.
I think I'll keep my kite
off the stick for a while.
Wow.
I can see your lips moving, but it's
like you were just going, nah, nah, nah.
Yeah, I know.
There's nothing wrong with having a plan,
BUT when you try to force everyone else to
follow your plan, well,
you're really no better
than a gym teacher
or something, are you?
Think about it.