The Witchfinder (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

1
The Witchfinder General will
need a new right-hand man.
I was supposed to be
in Chelmsford a day ago.
You stay here,
you'll be cinders in an hour.
We need to get our story
together, and fast.
Gideon! Dorothy!
This is my Wife. Wife.
Is she a peasant?
Oh, God, no. Yeah, I am.
They've all got it in their heads
it's you that killed Mr Stearne.
Myers here is going to take
Hebble somewhere else.
So what did he say?
Who? Master Gideon.
Is that not him I saw riding around?
I couldn't care less about Dorothy.
I'd sooner devote myself tobees.
Or not to bees, that's the question.
Have you seen Hamlet? Nah.
If I want to see a gloomy adolescent
pontificating about whether
he wants to exist or not,
I shall go to Bristol,
spend Easter with my godson, Brian.
Well, she's behind you now.
Yep, and so is Dedham Vale.
I think that's the most backward
place I've been through since, um
Ever heard of the Midlands?
Got loads of family in the Midlands.
Course you have.
How far to Chelmsford?
About 12 miles.
Should be there by nightfall.
It'll be all right.
And you know, for what it's worth,
I'll be next to you,
making sure justice is served.
My dad used to take me swimming
in a river like this.
I suppose I'll never get
the chance again.
Do you want a quick swim? Hm?
Quick swim, quick dip -
quick, mind you. Really?
Before I change my mind. Go on.
Are you coming in? Well, no,
I mean, I should guard the clothes.
From who? Pilferers.
They prey on swimmers and paddlers.
You can't swim, can you?
Do I look like I can't swim?
Yeah.
Come on, I'll teach you.
Are there creatures?
I'll tell you after you get out.
Argh! No! Urgh!
Hold on to my arm. Hold on to my
arm.
I'm holding on to
your bloody arm, woman.
There you go!
It's nice. Lovely, innit?
Oh, you read so much about it
..and then you're here.
There you go.
Like flying.
Yeah.
I wonder if man will ever learn
how to fly.
Oh, God, no.
I think if man was going to fly
he'd have figured it out by now.
I think what he might do is develop
the ability to run very, very fast.
Thomasine?
Get off! Get off! Thomasine!
Get off!
Thomasine!
Gah! Get off me! Fucking water!
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
May the power
Came as quick as I could.
After you did your buttons.
Made time for the buttons.
Why are you tied up?
He said he was rounding us all up.
Thinks he's a sheepdog!
Shush!
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
Oh. May the power of Christ
reveal thee.
May the power
Yeah, it looks like a witch-finding.
It's fine. I'll talk to them.
I've said I'm the one
taking you to trial, and I am.
Is it usually this many people?
This is Essex, love.
You'd get this amount of people to
see a dog walking on its hind legs.
May the power of Christ
Front row, join in.
May the power of Christ reveal thee.
Further back! May the power
of Christ reveal thee.
Come, now! May the power
of Christ reveal thee.
Louder! May the power
of Christ reveal thee.
Believe it! Louder!
Loud and proud!
May the power
of Christ reveal thee!
May the power of Christ reveal thee!
There it is! Satan is revealed,
writhing inside her
like snakes in a sack!
Please! Not Aunt Sophie!
Come, come here. That's it.
Shush, shush, shush.
I've got you. I've got you.
You're a good man, a good father.
You feel awful, don't you?
Yes, he's nodding. He feels awful.
But listen, this is not a requiem.
This is a celebration, a day of joy,
a day of change,
for this day we lance the boil,
drain it of its foetid pus.
But we must all work together.
That is why I asked you to offer up
as many people of
suspicion as you can.
Only by taking them all to trial
can we purge this town of witchery.
Oh, God!
He's trying to bump his fee up.
John, how many
have we mustered? Five.
Five witches, all of them
well treated and fed fresh bread.
Price to take them to trial, three
shillings apiece. So five threes
15 shillings!
That's an awful lot of money.
It is a lot of money. The magistrate
is right to give pause with that.
John, perhaps we should go.
Here we go -
the walk-out ploy.
Maybe another parish
will value our work.
Chuck in a couple of rival towns.
Just because Fordham and Wormsford
managed to gather the money,
so godly were they
Head for the door.
..doesn't mean
that you should follow suit.
And three, two, one
Wait! I'll get the money!
Staggering!
I cannot believe that witchfinders
still peddle this shit.
Hush thy mouth!
Have some respect
for the Witchfinder General.
Sorry, for who?
The Witchfinder General.
That's the Witchfinder General?
Please! Who's saying
she's full of demons?
Look at her eyes, man.
Rolling loose in their sockets
like the devil's marbles.
Vacant, godless!
And what? Her eyes make her wicked?
Where in the Bible does it say that?
Where? Where in the Bible?
That is a good question.
Well, spit it out!
Yes, I will. A reasonable question,
well put and well
If I may
The light of the body is the eye.
If thine eye is evil, thy body
also will be full of darkness.
Luke, chapter 11.
There you have it -
the light of the body is the eye.
You, sir, what's your name?
Gideon Bannister.
I'm a fellow witchfinder.
Some of these people
will know the name.
Couple of nods.
Ready the cart for Chelmsford.
A driver will arrive at nightfall
to take them to Chelmsford.
You're not going with them?
I've just paid you 15 bloody
shillings to take them to trial!
We will meet them there at dawn.
Tonight we stay at the manor
at Layer Marney to take dinner
and discuss the eradication of
English witchery with Lord Ragg
A superb man.
..Harbottle Grimstone
A superb man. ..and
Sir Thomas Fairfax. A superb man,
and I bring news of
a fourth superb man,
grave news.
It concerns John Stearne.
John, this concerns you.
Oh, right? No, no, John Stearne.
The very man - a finer lieutenant
no man could wish for.
Well, I thought
I met John Stearne in Banham
not two days ago.
Ever been to Banham, John? No.
But the man I met was John Stearne,
your right-hand man.
So there are two John Stearnes?
No, the other one was killed.
Oh, we're back down to one.
You seem disappointed.
No, I thought you were in need
of a new right-hand man.
But if John is still with us
Well, let's not be hasty.
God knows, I could always do
with another John.
The war on witchery
is an exacting one,
but you seem equipped for battle -
bravery, determination
and a knowledge of the good book.
John will always be
my right-hand man
but there may be an opening
for a left-hand man.
Yeah, and you don't know
what you're talking about, mate.
Yeah, well, shut up!
Oh! You took your time.
See, I told you he was here!
I am, although
I did tell them you were coming
to take me to trial! Undeniably.
But OH, NO! You knew better,
didn't you? My specified undertaking.
The key word here is to get you
to trial Not smirking now!
..but it doesn't necessarily follow
that I have to be there in person.
You prick!
I'm so sorry. What were you saying?
Well, just that if someone is
delivering a bird back into the wild
or a child to big school or
a suspect, of course, to trial,
it's sometimes better
to let them go from afar.
Mr Bannister, we ride
to Layer Marney forthwith.
What's Layer Marney?
I don't know - maybe a manor house?
There's a dinner there.
Oh. Why did he just?
Oh, I see what's going on here.
Cotignac all round, is it?
Hardly. Quince is out of season.
So when you said you were going to
be beside me to see justice done,
that was just all lies.
You get to go in a cart!
Beats going 12 miles on foot.
It's a cattle cart.
Here he comes
to give it the once-over.
Fresher already.
You know it doesn't matter what
people in big houses think about you,
it will never make you happy.
Mr Bannister,
Sir Thomas is serving Cotignac!
Must have found some quince.
He found a few quince!
There we are, you see.
Not eaten your bun?
Mr Hopkins has handed out
a bun apiece.
I don't know what's in it,
and there's something off about him.
You've got him all wrong.
Did you not see him there?
When he took the girl from
Sorry, what's your name? Sophie.
..Sophie, from her father, he was
in bits. I had a lump in my throat.
I think even Sophie was
quietly moved. Were you?
Well, either way, he's a class act
and for you to spurn his kindness
You want it, you eat it.
Never turn down a bun.
Ugh! Oh, my God! Argh!
Oh. Sorry, that was misjudged.
I shall away.
Oh, yes!
This horse ranks up
with any you could name,
even the famous ones -
Pegasus, the Trojan one,
the one that Lady Godiva
rode naked into Coventry on,
which I always found
rather unhygienic.
What, Coventry?
Not Coventry, no.
Oh, I see. Yes, very funny.
I could have sworn
I saw him riding this way
but, then again, I do have
cataracts in the shape of a horse.
Still, we gave it our all
and we can go home
knowing that we did our best.
You know, you're absolutely right.
I will head home after your trial
at the Assizes in Chelmsford.
You make a good point, Thomasine.
I'm not Thomasine. You mean Alice.
No, Thomasine Gooch, a suspected
witch. I think you're mistaken, sir.
Why do you think we're taking
her to trial in Chelmsford?
Taking ME to trial?
I have papers bearing your name.
Look, Thomasine Gooch.
I'm collecting testimony.
And what testimony -
dead pigs, ungodly conduct?
And you killed John Stearne.
Sir, you can't possibly
She has blood on her,
and his finger!
Lost something?
Yes, I think you'll definitely
pass for Thomasine Gooch.
What, did you think we brought
you because you're useful?
God alone knows how Bannister
puts up with your constant
droning and wit
When I turn and talk,
you're supposed to watch her.
Find her!
Heavenly Father, we thank you
for giving my wife
the chance to face justice
and pray she travels in comfort.
Dear Lord, please help them
find us innocent.
Can I just say? A prayer's
not a shopping list.
Offer praise, seek forgiveness,
then make your plea.
A lot of people forget that.
Most people.
Praying without repentance
is like trying to get into
a house without keys.
Try again.
Dear Lord, in your mercy, please
forgive us our trespasses. Better!
Sorry, is that
the keys for this cart?
It's not my cart but I assume so -
they're just on this hook.
So you could just open this
and then we'd be free,
if your wife moves away
from the gate.
I'm comfortable here, thank you.
What?
I said I'm perfectly
comfortable here
and I'd ask you to respect that.
If you move, he can open it.
Never mind prayers, we'd be free.
Never mind prayers?
Never mind prayers? Ha!
And she wonders
why she's accused of witchery!
Yeah, I do. Don't you?
I'm sure they'll tell me
if I need to know.
But you're not a witch.
I might be. How do I know?
What do you mean?
Well, that's what the trial's for.
Says who? Says the man, Mr Hopkins.
And says a little something
called the rule of law. Yes.
England has the finest
legal system in the world.
Yeah, and I think my husband knows
a little bit more about it than you.
Habeas corpus? Magna Carta?
Blank faces. Not a clue.
Leave it with the men, love.
You won't go wrong.
Didn't men say the world was flat?
That was wrong.
Well done. Roll that one out.
Well, they did.
I'm a staunch supporter of women,
aren't I?
Oh, no-one supports them
more than you.
But you make it really difficult.
Everyone gets things wrong
sometimes.
I mean, if men can get
the shape of the Earth wrong
And then what?
Then we don't know the law?
We don't go around telling
you how to bake cakes.
Unless I don't put enough sugar in.
Well, but you don't put enough
sugar in, but we spoke about that.
No, no, the men are right.
If men have got everything right
then what do you pray for?
We pray so that whatever God
ordains comes to pass. That's why.
Might it be that God has
ordained for us to escape,
so it's come to pass that someone
has left the keys there?
Well, I'll say it again, gents.
That is one formidable horse,
barely broken sweat.
My one used to froth up so much its
flanks looked like cottage cheese.
Oh, got a little stash here?
You not brought anything?
No, I have not. No. Thought I'd wait
till we get to Layer Marney.
Layer Marney? You're looking at it.
Am I?
Oh, very good.
I'm looking at Layer Marney.
And I've sweat.
You sweat when you do it?
Witch-finding?
Indeed, witch-finding.
You two must be used to it.
No, we're still fairly new.
Did you not begin five years ago
in Wenham?
I've never been to Wenham.
Want this?
Thank you. Little tip for you -
pop it on a stick, it reaches
most of your back. That's what I do.
Listen, I didn't mean
to intrude on your patch.
We're normally further east
than this,
but we saw the smashed up chapel and
thought there's an opening there.
An opening?
Yeah, desecrated churches,
barn fires, newly dug graves.
I mean, people in a low ebb,
rich pickings.
And thanks for chipping in before.
I was starting to lose it.
You see me losing it?
Oh, ho, ho! They were wavering!
I wasn't even sure what
your game was until you made up
that Bible verse,
which I thought was ingenious.
Where did that even come from?
The Bible verse?
The Bible.
Should we get some of
those up our sleeve?
I keep telling him, they can
save you, things like that.
And all this stuff
The poppet of a witchfinder Mm.
..depositions.
Fair do's. You've really
put the work in on this.
Dennis, by the way.
Dennis. We used to be
highwaymen, but, uh,
well, there's a damn sight more
money in this, isn't there?
Cecil here is my John Stearne,
although by the sound of things
that might have to change.
Oh, yeah
Is it true John Stearne's dead?
I Yes. Oh, dear.
And the women, what happens
to them when they get tried?
They don't go on trial,
Jesus Christ!
By the time their families realise,
we'll be in Colchester. Yeah.
A whore on each arm,
one on my dick and another
I'm getting full whores
is my point. Mm.
Everything all right?
What? Everything all right?
Yes, yes.
So if they're not getting tried,
what happens to the women?
Oh, don't worry.
They're collected and disposed of.
We know a guy.
Oh, no, no, no. I wouldn't
eat that bread, mate.
They're the ones we use
to drug the suspects.
You haven't had any, have you?
One of those and you think
we ARE in Layer Marney!
Oh
Damn bloody keys!
Thanks so much.
I do think it'd be nice
if you didn't rob my husband
while he's trying to free you.
But that's just me.
Oh, are these yours?
Yeah. She's a right card,
this one, isn't she?
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
they'd been dumped.
They had been. So they're not yours?
They are mine. I'm the one
that dumped them. They're old.
Well, how was I robbing you?
Just cos they've been dumped
doesn't mean you get to take them
without paying. I thought
that's exactly what it means.
Does it matter? All I'm saying is
you can't be robbed of something
that you've dumped.
You can if they're not yours.
But they're not anyone's.
They're not anyone's - they're mine.
Until you dump them, and then
they stop being yours. Says who?
That's what dumping means.
It means you don't want them
to be yours any more!
And I'm just going to
leave that there.
Fine then, cos
I don't have to do this.
Everyone else has to pay for
their apples. Not old apples!
I'm not selling old apples.
Buy a new one if you want.
I don't want one that much.
For God's sake!
So we have to lose out?
What are you losing out on?
If you leave them there, you get
nothing. Somebody's going to come!
It's the same as if I take them.
It's the same thing!
Just let it go!
I was just saying they
weren't actually his apples.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't whoa me.
You talk to me like a horse,
I will bite you like a horse.
Ever been bitten by a horse?
Yeah, twice.
Now shut your mouth
or I'll cut it off.
You'll cut off my mouth?
Yes. My mouth's a hole.
You can't really cut holes off.
Well, then I guess I'll just
make it bigger, won't I?
Is there a problem?
Yeah, there's a problem.
The problem is you, sullying
the good reputation of
the Witchfinder General and
the reputation of the wider
witch-finding Community.
Yes, community!
All that shit in the chapel,
I should have known!
You're a witchfinder?
Yes, I'm a witchfinder!
You don't have to sound
so fucking surprised!
I'm not telling you
I'm a six-year-old or
a milk maid, or whatever.
A heron. Why shouldn't I
A heron? Pardon me?
Why shouldn't I be a witchfinder?
Your bearing. Bearing?!
My bearing's fantastic!
I was this close to actually
achieving something in my life,
this close to offering myself up
to the Witchfinder General
at a trial that starts in 12 hours.
And yet where am I?
I am by a bush!
No, this ends now.
Right, you tie him up.
You tie him up.
How?
How? I don't know, do I?
Reef knots? No. If I'm tied up,
how can I tie him up?
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You tie him up first,
and then you
No, no.
I tie you up and then you
The important thing is
you're both getting tied up.
Any questions?
Why did the horse bite you?
I teased it with an apple.
On your tummies.
She can't have gone far.
I've seen potato blight move faster.
Any sign over there?
Afraid not, sir.
Maybe we could, erm,
search over there.
Quickly, this way.
I can't let you do that.
Say that again.
I said, "I can't let you do that."
"Can't let you do that"?
I don't think it's what you want.
Oh? What do I want?
Do you remember Girton?
The whole town came out to greet us.
They treated us like kings.
And the interrogation.
I mean, you were
the best I've seen you.
I mean, never mind the suspect -
I nearly shat myself.
A lovely image.
And her father saying he would
give you a barrel of ale
if you didn't convict her,
and you had the idea.
Drink the ale
And then convict her.
It won't be like that with
the Witchfinder General.
There'll be people
and noise and fuss.
But look at the map.
There are thousands of Girtons,
enough to keep us happy
two lifetimes over.
# If your true love came passing by
# You'd give him a drink
if he was dry
# At the well below the valley-o
# Green grows the lily-o
# Right among the bushes-o #
Come on, let's go. Move!
Now, a bit quicker!
Let's go. Come on!
Get up!
Here they are.
Yeah, have a good old look.
Let's see these fraudsters
confess, shall we?!
Stand over there. Thank you.
Out you come. Roll up!
Ha-ha-ha! How are you?
Hey! Right What are you doing?
I'm taking back my prisoner.
Thanks ever so much.
You can't do that!
I am, and I have.
Out you get, Gooch. You're saved.
Are you taking me home?
No. Still taking you to trial.
Oh "Thanks" would be nice.
You swanned off for a fancy dinner
and left us with nothing.
Well, then why didn't you
grab yourself an apple?
Be resourceful!
Are you not? I'm perfectly
comfortable here, thank you.
Well, the rest of you, out.
Come on. You're free!
You have been locked up by
two impostors, masquerading
as the Witchfinder General
and John Stearne.
Am I not right, Dennis?
Cecil? Are you talking to us?
They admitted it to me by a bush.
Bush? All I know is we were taking
dinner at Layer Marney Manor.
No, we weren't. It may be a napkin
from there is still in my doublet.
That ain't a napkin.
That's a rag! He ties it to
a stick to wash his filthy back.
And then Sir Thomas was
about to serve cotignac.
Quince is out of season!
He sends his regards,
by the way, and commends you
and your workers, Town Magistrate.
What? He's heard of me?
At that point I was
about to say grace
He wanted to rent four whores.
Oh, my good God!
The idea of paying a woman hard
currency so that she - help me
understand - allows you to reside
inside her to generate pleasure?
Or dances while rubbing at
herself like a human etching?
It sickens me!
Surely, you can see that.
Don't untie them.
I am flummoxed why anyone
would weave falsehoods designed
to harm a true witchfinder.
Unless
No. No, go on.
Well, unless that someone
was a witch.
No. No, no, no, no, no
No, let me Get off. That's it.
I've got you, I've got you.
It'll be over soon.
Magistrate Crockett, is there
any way we can rid this man
of the witch inside himself by,
I don't know, hanging him?
No! Get off me.
I'm not a witch, obviously!
Who but a witch would try
to stain the integrity of two
God-fearing witchfinders?
And what's this?
Oh, my God. It appears he owns
the poppet of a witchfinder,
made for casting hexes upon them.
I don't own that.
And any suggestion that
its supernatural properties
are somehow governed by me
My throat! Oh, no.
No, no, no. Please, please
I'm not doing that.
No, no, stop it. His windpipe!
That's got nothing to do
with me. I'm not doing that.
Oh, look, he's killing him!
It's not me. I'm not doing it!
Aargh! My arm!
That's not me doing it!
Aargh!
Oh, dear Lord.
He's dead!
No. That isn't how it works.
So you admit you know how it works?
We've seen how it works.
Every action on the poppet
replicated exactly
on the witchfinder.
Yeah, was it, though?
Because he was holding
the dolly by its right arm
and you broke your left arm,
and you'd sort of expect it
to be the same arm.
Look, a suspected witch
speaking for him!
No, she's not affiliated to me.
Where am I? What happened?
Witch!
Aargh!
Why are you erecting the gallows?
This is ridiculous!
Shut up.
Or do you want Richard to punch you?
Which one's Richard?
Does it matter?
Nah, not really.
Are you here to gloat? Hm?
"See how you like it.
"It's not noice telling
everyone you're innocent,
"and no-one believing you, is it?"
Well, am I warm?
Not especially. Not with the mouth.
Well, if there's nothing else,
I'm getting executed in the morning
and I want to look my best.
I got you something.
What is it? A musket, a key?
Scissors for the noose?
It's that.
A wooden pipe,
presumably stolen?
A bit. A bit.
To replace the one you snapped
and threw in the campfire.
If there's nothing else
Yeah, I should go.
I'm heading to, erm Ipswich.
Yeah.
Your dad?
Yeah.
It's a long old walk, you know?
I'm sure you'll be grumbling.
No, someone's taking me.
I've got talking to
a merchant from Girton and
he's heading that way, so
Oh, Girton. Wowee.
Lucky merchant.
No, no, no
No. No! Thomasine!
Thomasine, don't go!
Thomasine!
Can you read that?
It says "Ipswich, 10 miles."
# If your true love came passing by
# You'd give him
a drink if he was dry
# At the well below the valley-o
# Green grows the lilly-o
# Right among the bushes-o
# Right among the bushes-o #
Why the short face?
Do you want to talk about it?
What are you doing? Stop it.
Stop what?
Speaking. I command it.
Command it?
Maybe you should've
commanded yourself
not to have that druggy bread.
Druggy bread?
Now, what should we talk about?
Help.
Help
Help! Help!
I'm sorry.
You know, this is weird,
especially with you feeling
sorry for yourself.
Sorry for myself?
Guilty, then.
You know, not that you've anything
to feel guilty about.
Well, why should I feel guilty?
Well, you shouldn't.
Well, then why bring it up?
Just to say you shouldn't.
I merely serve
our Lord Jesus Christ.
And I'm sure God and the baby Jesus
think you're doing the right thing.
I'm just saying,
I bet you and your dad reckon
he's doing the right thing.
Well, we'd have to look at it
but, yeah. Look at it?
The point is you know
you're doing the right thing.
And if Jesus doesn't agree, he can
go and I can't help that girl.
I'm trapped.
Even if I wanted to,
I can't do shit!
What, so if you could've
helped her, you would?
Well, it's a moot point, isn't it?
If circumstances had been
different then of course.
Jesus knows that.
I might have.
I might have.
Neigh!
Go and get him.
It's time.
If I were you, witch,
I'd start saying my prayers.
Gideon!
Ooh!
Oh, that's the second time
that's happened.
Stupid straw!
It's so slippy.
Someone's giving you
a second chance.
What are you going to do,
Master Gideon?
# If you be a man of noble fame
# You'll tell to me
what happened to them
# At the well below the valley-o
# Green grows the lilly-o
# Right among the bushes-o
# That there's two of them
buried beneath the tree
# At the well below the valley-o
# Two of them buried
beneath the wall
# At the well below the valley-o
# Two of them where the angels lie
# At the well
below the valley-o #