The Wonder Years (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Being 12 in the '60s was the equivalent to being in your 20s today.
We didn't have helicopter parents coddling us at all times like fragile teacups.
That scar? Got it playing "Follow the Leader" through an abandoned construction site at recess.
That mouthwash? Uncut, would make you fail a Breathalyzer test.
Dean, I need you to ride your bike down to the store and pick me up a pack of smokes.
I feel like I don't have to explain that one.
Okay, so, my mom still laid out my outfits for me, but those polyester clothes, made from 100% petroleum? Kids used to burst into flames all the time.
Going to church was also a part of growing up that's different now.
The Black church is one of the most important institutions in American history.
It's been a home that kept Black people unified during hard times, a social and political center that sparked historic movements, and a training ground for a generation of leaders and entertainers.
So much of what makes Black culture unique comes from its roots in the Black church.
And I grew up in a time when it was just a given that you went to church every Sunday.
All three boring hours of it.
Oh, when the saints go marching in, yeah - Oh, when the saints - Oh, when the saints - Go marching in - Go marching in - Oh, when the saints - Oh, when the saints - Go marching in - Go marching in Oh, Lord, I want to be in that number Sister Pitts catches the Spirit right on time every Sunday.
This means we're in the homestretch.
Yeah! Amen.
Amen.
Before I close, I want to call your attention to a few important announcements.
We need more volunteers to visit the sick and shut-ins this week.
Please see Sister Pitts to sign up.
Amen.
Now, our annual Junior High lock-in is around the corner.
Amen.
This year, my daughter Charlene will be attending, and I'll be chaperoning.
- Amen? - Amen.
I am very much looking forward to this opportunity to connect with the youth - here at the church.
- Amen.
And I hope y'all ready, 'cause I do a mean mashed potato, now.
Ain't that right, Charlene? Isn't every Sunday already a lock-in? Ow.
Ooh, hoo-hoo! This is gonna be so much fun.
Dean, let's go find your sleeping bag for the lock-in.
- You mean church jail? - Watch your mouth.
When I was your age, singing in the youth choir was where I first discovered my love of music.
- And peppermints.
- Hm.
And I was a Sunday school leader for as long as I can remember.
This lock-in is a good opportunity for you to figure out where you belong.
Right.
Because "Most Likely to Fit in at Church" is the award that all the players get.
Kim went to her lock-in and she really enjoyed herself.
Tell your brother if he doesn't go, he's gonna be missing out.
You know, I actually had a great time at my lock-in.
I got my first kiss that night.
- Excuse me? - Mm-hmm.
Craig Westfield.
Mm, I had the biggest crush on Craig, and Kimberly Lanette Williams.
I think our parents only gave us middle names so we'd know when we're in trouble.
What? It's boys and girls overnight without parents for the first time.
And the Pastor always falls asleep after lights out.
What do you expect to happen? Who is this Craig boy? Dad, it was like five years ago.
You said his last name is Westfield? Where is this phone book? Hey, don't pin this all on me.
Craig and I were not the only ones kissing that night.
Who else am I gonna pin it on? Suddenly, I saw the lock-in in a whole new light.
If being trapped inside a church all night meant kissing girls, I might end up having my first kiss with Keisa.
Then maybe there is a God.
You two relax.
If Kim wants to be kissing on some little mannish boy in the house of God, then that's between her and Jesus.
Hey, Mama, you know, on second thought, maybe I should go to the lock-in.
You know, uh, to get, uh, closer to God.
Are we sure we want Dean to go to this lock-in, given what Kim just said? Why not? I mean, come on.
It's just Dean.
Yeah.
"Just Dean" sucked as my campaign motto for sixth-grade treasurer, and it still sucked now.
You know what? I think it'd be a great idea for me to chaperone.
Wait.
Why would you do that? Because in this house, we lead by example, and it's been a really long time since I taught at Sunday school or even found myself on a committee at church, and if I'm gonna ask you to get involved, then I have to as well.
Besides, it'll be something fun we can do together.
Yes, Mama was engaging in a very specific type of blocking here.
Yeah.
Fun.
Mwah! Me and my little man! Oh, oh, oh And I know Ohh Through the highs and the lows I'mma find my way home I couldn't wait to tell my friends what my sister told me about the lock-in.
It was gonna blow their minds.
Ow! I liked having Hampton around because he was so uncool, he made me look like Sidney Poitier.
And then there was Norman.
It felt good to be telling Norman something new because he was my friend who knew everything about adult matters.
It wasn't until later that I learned he knew nothing.
So, Kim told me that everybody makes out at the church lock-in.
Seriously? If I wanted to convince them to go, this is where I had to sell it.
With the lights out.
Hey, man, count me in.
- Me too.
- Me three.
My mom told me there's Bible Jeopardy.
We could demolish.
No, Hampton.
We're going because of the girls.
The girls.
Yeah.
And that's the schedule for tonight.
As you can see, we have lots of fun stuff planned, so take a minute, get your bearings, and after the break, you're in for a real treat.
You know Moses.
Always trying to get to the Promised Land.
He's so funny.
A few years later, we sadly discovered the Pastor also used those Old Testament puppets in his teen sex-ed talks.
Nice.
Lots of solid options here tonight, fellas.
Yeah.
Definitely.
I call dibs on Linda.
Wait.
- Or maybe Tracy.
- Yeah.
Tracy looks like marriage material.
I can take Keisa off the table.
Linda's taller.
But Tracy has braces, too.
Metal on metal? That could be a bad scene.
By the way, this is how Facebook starts in 40 years.
Keisa or Lori.
Keisa or Lori.
Keisa, Lori.
Ah, I want Lori.
Good choice.
She did four curl-ups on the physical-fitness test.
Whoa, man, that's three more than you.
Good point.
How about I think Keisa for me.
We already know you want Keisa.
Come on.
What kind of horrible friends would we be if we picked her? In the game of junior-high romance, girls always had the upper hand.
But this time, we had a foolproof plan to turn the tables.
It felt good to finally be in control.
So, Dean, we have a list of boys we like.
Wait, you guys made your own list? Shh.
No talking.
We matched the girls with the boys they want, and we need your help.
- Can I say something? - Mm-hmm.
Why do you need my help? I'm one of the boys, too.
Not really.
You're not like the other boys.
You're just Dean.
I was also "just Dean" sophomore year in college when my crush, Stephanie Peters, had me try on shirts she was thinking of buying for her boyfriend.
That scarred me.
So, Cory is with Tracy.
Braces? Norman will be with Brenda, and Hampton's with me.
Um, so, you you you didn't mention Keisa.
Yeah, we asked her.
She didn't say if she liked anybody.
Guess she'll figure it out herself.
So Keisa was available! Perfect.
I could finally make my move.
Just make sure the boys go with the right girls during the movie tonight.
- Got it? - Got it.
I'll tell the guys our plan.
Excuse me.
Great.
Dean! Oh, baby, I'm so glad I found you.
You know, I heard some of these kids are trying to plan some kind of makeout session.
Your sister was right.
The house of the Lord is no place to be acting fast, so I'm trying to find out who it is.
Do you know anything about it? Well, now that you asked, I did hear some kids were going to the offering room, uh, during the movie? Hm.
Well, thank you for telling me.
I will definitely be there watching.
And if you hear anything else about this, you let me know.
- All right? - I will.
All right, of course you will.
I know I don't have to worry about you.
Except for me being a big, fat liar.
So, turns out the girls have their own list of couples.
You went to the girls' side? Apparently, I'm always on the girls' side.
Did you at least let them know who we liked? Wouldn't have mattered.
Cory, you're with Tracy.
Hampton, Tammy.
Norman, Brenda.
Act surprised.
This was the moment I had been waiting, plotting, and was recently bullied by a group of girls for.
Here, Dean.
I was saving a seat just for you.
Charlene? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, actually I was going to sit with But these are our seats.
- But, um - I already got us popcorn and candy.
I like mixing my Raisinets with my popcorn, so I did yours, too.
Come on! Say something! All right, ladies and gentlemen, quiet down and take your seats.
Uh, Dean, sit down.
What's the matter, Dean? Don't like the movie? No, it's just, uh, I think I'm supposed to be sitting with Keisa.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I asked Keisa.
She said you two were just friends.
That's how I knew you were free to sit with me.
Thank you, my son but death is better than bondage, for my days are ended and my prayer unanswered.
Bruh, I can relate.
Let's take a five-minute intermission.
Will Pharaoh let God's people go? I don't know.
Okay, I'm going to the bathroom.
Be right back.
Whew.
Hey.
What a snore, right? So, I heard you talked to Charlene.
Yeah, she asked me if you liked anybody here.
I told her I didn't think so.
Well, why would you tell her that? Because you never told me you liked anybody.
You never asked me if I liked anybody.
I'm sorry.
I thought you'd be happy if somebody liked you.
Why? Because I'm "just Dean"? What? You know, maybe I am happy that somebody likes me.
- Okay.
- Okay! Okay.
Have fun.
See you at breakfast.
Maybe you will! Fresh baked.
I was gonna save them till after the movie, but you earned it.
- I did? - Yeah.
Thanks to that little tip you gave, I caught some kids getting fresh by the offering room.
You did? Looks like my lie didn't turn out to be a lie.
Look at God.
Yes.
Kids will be kids.
But save that stuff for the cornfields and the haylofts, where it belongs.
Mama grew up in the country.
They got it in where they could.
Heard some kids gonna be sneaking off to the choir room after lights-out, so I'll be there with Pastor Reliford keepin' watch.
It's good that you're hanging out with Charlene.
Good kids always find each other.
Hey, got five commandments left.
Wasn't that the best? Yeah.
God reconciled with his people.
The bush was on fire and talking.
Not the movie, Hampton.
The girls.
Oh, yeah.
That was cool too.
I got my first kiss.
- What? - What? Yeah.
Tammy made an honest man out of me.
Did you kiss Charlene? - Heck, no! - Hey, watch your mouth! I didn't want Charlene to jeopardize my chances with Keisa, so I did what any respectable man in my situation would do.
Uh, you know, Hampton, uh, after spending a lot of time with Charlene, I think that you two would make a pretty good couple.
Um, plus, Pastor Reliford would like you, uh, 'cause you guys have so much in common uh, you know, uh, God Bible stuff.
I'd be willing to let her go.
For you.
Thou shall not commit adultery, Dean.
Did you learn nothing from the movie? What's wrong with you, man? Being with Charlene is a good thing.
- How is it good? - Because women are complicated.
See, having a girlfriend makes other girls want to be your girlfriend.
See? Complicated.
If I were you, I would take advantage, you know? Make Keisa jealous.
Hey, uh, my mom said that she'll be in the choir room with the Pastor, looking out for kids.
That means we can sneak to the sanctuary with the girls.
The sanctuary? That's where they had my grandma's funeral.
Don't be chicken.
Let's wait ten minutes after everyone goes to bed, then go.
I was ready to put my new plan in motion.
What's so funny? You're so silly, Dean.
My plan to make Keisa jealous was working.
Nothing could stop me.
I love your elbows.
Except my complete lack of game.
You noticed.
I notice everything about you.
Ooh, you guys want to see something cool? - Yeah.
- Sure.
Okay.
Turn off the lights.
Ooh! We should go up there to get a closer look.
Uh, yeah, let's do it.
Watch your step.
Uh, Dean, you're such a gentleman.
This is so romantic.
Yeah.
Can anyone else see us? Did we leave the door open? Uh, no, it's just us.
Ahh! - Aah! - Aah! Why would you do that, Dean? I thought you liked me! Lord, have mer Why are the lights off? What is all the fuss in here?! What are you kids doing?! Dean Jeremiah Williams! Jeremiah? Aw, hell.
What are y'all doing in here? Everybody, get to bed, where you're supposed to be! - Right now! - Go on.
To add insult to injury, the commotion I caused was the perfect distraction for the kids making out like weasels in the choir room.
I know I was risking life and limb going against my mom's direct orders, but there was something I had to do.
I'm sorry about the whole baptismal-pool thing.
I, uh I I didn't mean to push you.
I thought we were having fun together.
Well, we were.
It's just I didn't know you were gonna You know.
I think you're nice, Charlene.
Dean, I always knew you liked Keisa.
I could tell 'cause you always looked at her the way, well kind of how I always looked at you all googly-eyed.
I don't have googly eyes.
It's just the way my glasses make me look.
See, that's why I like you.
You're just Dean.
And suddenly, being "just Dean" didn't sound so bad.
Turns out, Charlene was 100% right about my googly eyes.
burdens down Friends don't treat me At that age, I was so focused on my first kiss, and yet to this day, the second kiss is what I remember best.
I laid my burdens down Burdens down - Friends don't treat me - Friends don't treat me Like they used to Since I laid my burdens down I know young men get tempted, but I wasn't expecting this type of behavior from young Dean.
I wasn't either, but now I know better.
Well, Pastor, I apologize for any trouble he may have caused.
Who got to make out? That's right.
Just Dean.
And I can assure you it won't ever happen again.
Mm-hmm.
'Cause I got a belt that can fix showing your behind in church.
Okay, okay, baby.
Let's not act in anger.
We'll definitely seek the Lord's guidance on how to punish Dean.
The saying goes, man makes plans and God laughs.
Everyone had a plan for the lock-in my parents thought it would help me discover my passion, and I thought it would land me my first kiss with Keisa.
In a way, we were all right about what was gonna happen just not in the way we expected.
When I chased the girls and beat 'em up But I was young and didn't understand