Thirtysomething (1987) s01e05 Episode Script

1 Janey, hold still.
Wait, wait.
That's great.
Just some guy? Just what guy? Hope, I told you.
I'm telling you.
Melly, have a little pity.
I need a little girl talk.
I'm busy.
Yes, my muffin, I know.
We have girl talk.
Hope, do you mind? But I need a little ambivalence thrown in, a little neuroses.
Qualities you'll never know because you have a perfect mommy.
Hope.
All right, one more picture, and then we talk.
Well, I hope these will come out.
Maybe I'll get that baby food account.
Food for the sophisticated tot.
But I don't know.
You think kids will like sun-dried tomatoes? What do you say, Janey? Give me that kid.
Hope, my God, I think she said something.
Yeah, she said a word.
- I think it was "contra.
" - The date.
I want to hear all about this guy who asked you out.
What guy? I'll let you borrow my Ann Taylor blouse.
You mean the one with the shoulder pads and the dried baby puke? He's tall, he's dark.
- Is he cute? - Oh, he's cute.
Now, I'm the airplane and there's this terrorist on board.
And if you don't open up right now, you know What's his name? Does he have a name? Rx.
His real name's Jim, but I call him Rx.
You know, "Rx" after the prescription bottle? Well, see, the pharmacist gave me his pills by mistake.
I take them for cramps.
I don't know what he takes them for.
But I figured this is more than I've had in common with the last 300 guys I've dated, so I called him.
I kept thinking about what Dr.
Nestle says.
You know, take more risks.
So that's what I did.
Wait.
You actually called him and you actually talked? Yeah, we talked.
And he was nice? And he doesn't have a wife or a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
- And you've never met.
- Details.
So? So we're going to New York tonight.
He's got house seats for Les Misérables.
That's all.
The pharmacist threw his wife in to chaperon.
I hate you.
You like me.
Are you crazy? You're jealous.
You have it all A husband, a baby, parents that live 2,000 miles away.
And you're jealous of Melissa, for God's sake.
Poor Melissa.
- Mom, give yourself a break.
- What do you mean? I'm incredibly cute, right? You're my muffin.
And each day with me is full of joy and wonder.
Well, of course it is.
But let's face it.
All of us can get a little boring sometimes.
Never.
Mom, come on.
What are you and Dad going to do tonight? Rent a video? And it's always the same.
I want to see Wuthering Heights and it's always out.
He wants to see The Guns of Navarone and it's always in.
Not too thrilling, huh? Not when you want soft lights, sweet music.
Mom, you want a Saturday night.
They're writing songs of love But not for me A lucky star's above But not for me With love to lead the way I've found more skies of gray Than any Russian play Could guarantee Yes, I want that.
I miss that.
Hope, honey, where's the toilet paper? All I did was ask a simple question.
Just, "Honey, where's the toilet paper?" - And the next thing I know - Grout! This is my favorite section.
I love re-grouting.
It's, like, therapeutic.
Is this good grout, Mike? Elliot, I'm talking about my life here.
I just asked a simple question.
God, you always act like Mr.
Fix-It.
It's great grout.
It's fine grout.
It's the grout the astronauts use.
Thanks.
Now, what were you complaining about? - Okay - Should I actually purchase a dish rack? I mean, every woman I go out with, she always says, "You don't have a dish rack?" Like it's some sort of moral failing Gary, Gary, Gary, come on.
Mike's complaining.
Where were you? All I did was ask a simple question.
She goes nuts.
I mean, I'm looking forward to a really nice Saturday night, right? I went out, I rented The Guns of Navarone - Elliot.
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm listening.
Guns of Navarone, okay? I'm all ears.
Uh, excuse me, I I need to get this - Oh, sure.
- Pipe wrench here.
He's an English professor.
What's he know about plumbing? - You look confused.
- I am.
- You go to Penn? - Grad school.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I know more about Emily Dickinson than she knows about herself.
Unfortunately, she never wrote about how to fix a dripping faucet.
You mean, you've never read her Fix It Yourself in Springtime? I met a girl in a hardware store one time.
She turned out to have a large female roommate named Chuck.
I don't know.
Was Hope saying something? Are we getting boring? Am I getting boring? Mike, Mike, Mike.
Boring it's all a part of God's plan.
Me and Nancy, we passed boring a long time ago.
- We're now happily boring.
- You're a big help.
Mike, look.
I think what Hope is saying is she's saying she wants A Saturday night.
That's all I want, Michael.
Just a date with you.
I want my palms to get clammy, I want my skin to break out, I want to wonder, "Do you think I'm attractive," and I want that moment when I find out that, yes, yes, you do, and I want to feel it again.
I want that scared feeling.
Remember? Scared and excited and both of us wondering, "Now what?" - That sounds right.
- It is right.
But there's still I don't know.
I guess I thought once you got married, you just wouldn't have to go through that junk anymore.
I know, it isn't fair.
You get them to like you once.
Why do you got to keep doing it? - 7:00? - Yeah, 7:00.
You're sweet.
Really, to be doing this on your Oh, no.
You'll see, you know.
You just have to learn to see the poetry in a pipe wrench.
"The poetry in a pipe wrench"? Very beautiful.
Ooh, should I write that down? Should I vomit it in the notebook? You guys.
Mom, I told you.
I swear, I never got your message.
Well, the machine must be broken.
Maybe it didn't record after Mom.
Mom! Mom, I love you.
I'll check for lumps.
I'll call Tuesday.
Hope, you should see me.
He's going to walk in here and think he's going out with Pee-wee Herman.
I'll call you back.
I'm calling 911.
Gary, who told you to take that plumbing course? Thank you.
I know, it's a great place to meet women.
Yeah, you should listen to me more Gary, could you hold on? Thanks.
Hello? Oh, hi! Uh-huh.
Just a sec.
Gary, it's him.
I'll call you back.
Hi.
How are you? Uh-huh.
Can I bring the pills? Oh.
Uh yeah, sure.
I'm, uh I'm putting them in my bag right now.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
No.
I can come to you.
No problem.
What's the address? You are so great to do this, Michael.
I really appreciate it.
I've been driving around the city for at least an hour.
It seems like every cash machine is broken.
- What? - You.
Me? What about me? I don't know.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
It's my green dress, Michael.
It's Saturday night, you know.
I don't want to be late.
What time is it? It's 6:11, and you haven't looked this great since - When? - 6:09.
Aw, come on.
Or since Jeffrey Schloss felt you up at the ninth grade sock hop.
Says he felt me up, Michael.
There's no proof.
What is this? My own cousin makes me relive my sordid past just to borrow a few bucks? Here, here, here, here.
40 bucks.
- Thanks.
- H Now I remember that dress.
That's the dress you wore the night that you and Gary Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had it repaired.
That was some night.
You don't have to remind me of that or any other night that has to do with Gary Shepherd, PhD, who is 3 years and 300 therapy sessions in the past.
- Okay? - Okay.
I mean, I am now a totally different person, and now I'm going to be late.
Go.
It's 6:12.
You want to be late? And if you want to discuss my romantic mistakes - What romantic mistakes? - We'll do it tomorrow.
I love you.
I'll call you in the morning.
We'll compare Saturday nights.
What are you and Hope doing, anyway? Us? I don't know.
We're going to the Ice Capades.
Hope loves those Ice Capades.
- Hello.
- Um, hello.
Excuse me.
Is Hope Murdoch there, please? This is she.
Oh, hi.
You don't know me.
My name is Michael Steadman.
- I'm in your Psych 101 class.
- Who? Michael Steadman.
Kind of medium height, dark hair.
The guy with the acne? It's clearing up.
You wear torn jeans and an Army jacket? Yeah, that's me.
Listen - I don't remember you.
- Oh.
Well, like, 'cause I was going to ask, you see The Film Society is showing 2001, and it's, like, such a great film, especially when you're I saw it with my boyfriend.
Oh.
I knew this was dumb.
I'm sorry.
It's because I'm Jewish, isn't it? But he's kind of boring.
- 7:30? - Really? You'd, like, go out with me? 7:30.
Like, cool.
That's better, huh, kid? There you go.
Looks like we're going to get our Saturday night after all.
You think he'll kiss me? Hello? Is Jim there? Who's calling? Oh.
Um, it's Melissa.
Oh, Melissa.
Yeah, hi.
You've got a nice building here.
Mm, thanks.
So, uh, what? Are you going to come down or - You bring the pills? - Oh, yeah, sure.
But, you know, I think we should go or we'll miss the train.
Hello? I can't go.
Uh which is fine.
Honest.
You know, I'm a little tired myself.
Did you know there's a Thai restaurant down the street? I can't do it at all.
Right.
Are you mad? Mad? Hey, this was almost a breakthrough.
I mean, you know, you're not married or gay.
I mean, you're not, are you? To think that you would actually go through with this.
I guess that's asking a lot of the late '80s.
You're mad.
Well, um, I guess I'll be seeing you.
Oh, um, could you just leave the - Sure.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Um - This is for, uh - Sure.
Thank you.
These things happen.
Right.
They're writing songs of love But not for me A lucky star's above But not for me With love to lead the way I've found more skies of gray Than any Russian play Could guarantee Okay, so what if the date didn't work out? It's like they say One door closes and another opens.
But what if you live in a loft? But okay, enough self-pity.
Dr.
Nestle always says, "Go out.
Take a risk.
" I wonder what Gary's doing tonight.
Sandwich? How about an apple? You're working so hard.
Please let me give you something.
No, I I just Let me get this pipe Aah! Damn! How's that? Still dripping.
How's that? Still dripping.
Sorry.
How's Oh! Isn't it romantic? Music in the night, a dream that can be heard Isn't it romantic? Moving shadows write the oldest magic word Shay.
Pick 2.
Thank you.
- Hi.
Steadman.
- Steadman? Yeah, S-T-E-A-D-M-A-N.
Steadman.
Right.
7:30.
Two people.
I called.
I'm sorry.
I don't have anything.
Oh, can I see the list? I mean, I definitely called.
I wouldn't lie to you.
Buona notte.
My name is Jean-Franco.
It is my pleasure to serve you.
Jean-Franco, how do you do? I'm Michael Steadman.
This is my wife Hope.
We'd like a table.
- A table? - Yeah.
You know, with chairs and spoons and bread? Scusi,sir.
But you must understand, sir, you do not exist.
Hey, you're talking to a philosophy major here, okay? I mean, does anybody exist? Which is a question I will gladly discuss over salad, so if Michael, there's been a mistake.
Honey, this is our big night here, okay? I definitely made a reservation.
How long's the wait? You'll get very, very hungry.
Isn't it romantic Merely to be young on such a night as this? Isn't it romantic? Every note that's sung is like a lover's kiss Sweet symbols in the moonlight Do you mean that I will fall in love Perchance? Isn't it romantic? Honey, it's not in here.
I'm sure that I gave it to you.
Just It'll be fine.
Damn, it's got to be in here, honey.
You sure you didn't take the You took it, honey.
It's $12 for the lost ticket.
You're not going to get 12 cents from me until I get a chance to see.
Just so you know.
Hey, Hope, check your purse.
- I checked it.
- Check it again.
We don't take checks.
Look, how long was I in there? Three minutes? You just took the damn car.
What do I need a ticket for? - Honey.
- I'm okay.
I'm fine.
We're going to have a really nice evening.
- I'm calm, I'm relaxed.
- $12.
You say $12 one more time, I will burn down your houses and kill your families.
No tip.
Heaven I'm in heaven And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak And I seem to find the happiness I seek When we're out together dancin' cheek to cheek - How's that? - It's fixed.
You fixed it.
How can I ever thank you? Sorry I'm late, honey.
Say, pal, would you happen to have a card? You know, in case something like this happens again.
Uh, not on me.
If they asked me I could write a book Cash or charge? About the way you walk and whisper And look This time next year, it'll be there, right on that shelf.
- My book.
- Really? Yeah, it's about the impact call waiting has on contemporary society.
Really? See, I make the argument that spiritually, God is call waiting.
Dr.
Nestle! Hello, Melissa.
This is my wife No, no, no.
She doesn't do that anymore.
Now, Melissa, this young man I know.
What should I do? Well, what do you feel like doing? Well, it's It's just that it's been such a rotten night already.
- A rotten night.
- I know, I know.
How are things ever going to get better unless I just Take risks.
You think I should go for it? We're going to have to stop now.
But, Dr.
Nestle! My name is Walter.
And you're? - Uh, Melissa.
- Sir? I'll tell you what.
Let me get these books, and then maybe we'll get some coffee.
Okay, let's see.
Leather Weekend, I'm Your Slave, and, uh Hey, Murray, how much for The Sex Lives of the Nazis? I You don't Excuse me, but didn't we meet in Nuremberg? Yes! Welcome to the Cineplex.
- Theaters 1 through 12.
- How may we help you? Uh, theater 1.
Baby Boom, please.
Sold out.
How about theater 2? You want to see Real Men? - Sure.
- Sold out.
How about 12? I hear that's great.
Sold out.
What isn't sold out? Well, I have two for theater 10.
- What's in - Pranda Singh Batterjee.
It's kind of like a Pakistani Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Whoops, sorry.
Sold out.
But you can buy tickets for the 10:30 show and stand in line.
We'll wait for the video.
Oh, wait.
Here's two for theater 11.
Siskel and Ebert loved it.
Great.
We'll take it.
$12.
Well, one more Saturday night.
With a life expectancy of 80, that leaves 2,497 to go, so What? What's so funny? I was just remembering, that's all.
Tell me.
Oh, it's nothing.
It's nothing.
And the simple secret Of the plot Is just to tell them that I Like you a lot Okay, then.
I owe you one rescue.
And the world discovers As my book ends How to make two lovers You want some coffee? You have decaf? Of friends - We did it.
- We did it.
We got into a movie.
- More of a film, actually.
- Mm, a powerful film.
Harrowing.
I don't think I've ever seen life in a concentration camp captured quite so harrowingly.
You felt like you were there.
Oh, yeah, for 4 hours and 20 minutes you were right there.
Did you get the gum off your pants? Most of it.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, honey.
Mm.
Hi, honey.
- Honey? - Yes, honey? I think you left the lights on.
Yes, I did.
That's just what I did.
Yes.
How am I supposed to know she was going to have a boyfriend? They always have boyfriends, Gare.
- When are you going to learn? - When are you? We're not talking about me.
Look.
There's a full moon.
See? So don't give me such a hard time.
"Lunatics, lovers, and" "Lunatics, lovers" I can't believe I can't remember this.
I'm never going to get tenure.
- Poets, Gare.
- Poets! Poets, right.
"Lunatics, lovers, and poets" "Are of an imagination all combined.
" Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream.
I don't remember a scene where they pick up a girl in a hardware store.
- Act 2, scene 4.
- Are you ready? - You don't mean - I do mean.
- It's the only way.
- Ooh.
Repeat after me.
- I swear by the full moon.
- I swear by the full moon.
No more picking up girls in hardware stores.
No more picking up girls in hardware stores.
No matter how good their bodies are.
That's a tough one.
But okay.
No matter how good their bodies are.
Yeah.
Now I get to pick a hard one for you.
- You do not.
- What do you mean? This is my place.
You're crazier than me.
- Says who? - Says anybody.
Says the world.
Says Hope and Michael.
Right, and you should hear what they say about you.
Oh, yeah? What? Poor Melissa, that's what they call you.
Yeah, and you're Crazy Gary.
I've heard them.
All right, all right.
Come on, come on.
- And I swear - Go away.
I swear Come on.
I swear that if I'm alone, I will say It's okay to be alone.
And until I love me No one else can love me.
Do you mind? Whose clichés are these anyway? And I swear And I swear I will not idealize married people such as Hope and Michael, who have their own problems, even though I don't know what they are and want to kill them when they complain, especially Hope Enough Already.
Excuse me.
Just my biological clock going off.
Speaking of the perfect couple, have they ever fixed you up with anyone decent? - No.
They're always loxes.
- Loxes? Definitely.
- And you know why? - Why? Because if it worked, see, then I wouldn't be Crazy Gary anymore and you wouldn't be Poor Melissa.
Married couples, they need at least one poor somebody around, preferably two.
Yeah, and they also need somebody around who's not in touch with her feelings, which I know is what Hope thinks about me.
- Hah! - What? If you were any more in touch with your feelings, Melissa, you'd be molesting them.
- I beg your pardon? - No, it's a compliment.
I just mean you've got feelings.
You're led by them, which is great, which is Yeah, the same to you.
Go home.
- I'm not having fun now.
- No, no.
It's wonderful.
Look at Joan of Arc.
She was led by her feelings, and she got to wear armor, she got to lead armies.
She wound up in an ash tray.
Exactly.
But But she was cute.
I mean, you got to admit that.
You Only you would compare someone to a roasted martyr and expect to get a little action off them.
Action? Who's talking about action? - No one.
- Thank you.
Because we've been through that.
- I'll say.
- Several times.
I know.
So even if you thought about it, sometimes I mean, since we broke up What are we talking about? What am I talking about? Were we talking about something here? Halloween.
What? It's almost Halloween.
Never.
I won't.
I will not go out again dressed as Will and Ariel Durant.
Come on.
It was fun.
- Nobody knew who we were.
- We knew.
That's what counts.
Who cares if no one else gets it? We got it.
That's what made it fun.
- That's just - What? Nothing.
It's just Halloween.
- Which was - Right.
The first Pizza's getting cold.
When you think about it, about us, that summer, was it all bad? It was mixed.
It was sort of the tunnel of love for the Three Mile Island.
- Ow! - What is it? My neck.
There's this crick.
Must be from all that time under the sink.
- Where? Here? - Oh.
A little bit A little bit back.
Right Yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh.
You're stopping? No, no, no.
No, don't stop.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
You're tense.
Oh, you always used to do this.
Do what? Like you're doing now.
What you used to do when I'd get back from those boring faculty meetings.
You'd sing theme songs from movies that, like, weren't supposed to have theme songs.
- I don't remember any.
- You do.
Come on.
Sophie - Yes.
I can still hear your voice Calling through the night, making Sophie's choice Or I was very Young And you were very pretty Now yesterday is done And that's the sorrow and the pity Oh, Melissa, it's gone.
Oh, Melissa.
Yeah? It's It's nothing.
I You just have magic fingers, that's all.
Well, you put the quarter in.
So that's it? Oh, I get it.
Strike out at the hardware store.
Maybe Melissa'll put out? I-I don't know.
Sorry, I didn't mean Oh.
Forget it.
Look, I still owe you one rescue.
Okay.
Okay.
- Um, next week? - What about it? Want to go to a movie or something? - Or something, sure.
- Okay.
Uh, I still have this little crick Go.
Uh Yeah.
Yeah, they don't make them like they used to.
Well, that ought to get yous home.
Thank you.
We really appreciate it.
Sure.
$70 will do it.
70? I gave you the Auto Club card.
Yeah, it expired there.
You see? It's expired.
- 70.
- 70.
Michael.
70 for three minutes' work, for leaving us sitting here for over I get it.
We wait for 67 minutes, you work for 3.
That's 70.
That's a dollar a minute, right? Yeah, you might say that.
Well, that's very reasonable.
Isn't it, honey? I mean, when you throw in that complimentary toaster oven - Excuse me, what are you doing? - Thanks.
Honey, I'm sorry.
I forgot.
I didn't renew the Auto Club membership.
So divorce me.
Marry someone perfect.
Can we please just get out of here now? Because this is turning into the worst night of my life.
Worst night of your life? What about mine? All I do is ask a stupid question, "Where's the toilet paper" 12 hours later, I'm starving, I'm penniless Honey! I've seen a four-hour movie called Swastika.
Somebody loves me I wonder who I wonder who she can be Oh! Hi, it's me.
I'm either in the darkroom, out to lunch, at my therapist's, or here.
So leave a message, and if I can deal with it, I'll call you back.
Beep.
It's me.
I I'm still here, if you can deal with it.
You don't have to pick up the phone, but, see, I just Melissa, I don't know.
I-I don't know what I'm doing here, but I just I just don't want to be alone right now.
And I don't know.
If you could give me a sign I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm going home.
It doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Are you even there? Is this tape running? Somebody loves me I wonder who I wonder who she can be Somebody loves me I wish I knew - I'm here.
Who she can be worries me Please hang up.
There appears to be a receiver off the hook.
Please hang up.
Gary, come here.
Come look.
Wait.
This isn't right.
Oh! What? - Gary? - What? You okay? I think so.
Are you? What happened? I don't know.
I I had this dream.
I hope it was better than mine.
- Hi.
- Hi.
What time is it anyway? Oh, it's, uh It's early.
We could, um We could go back to sleep.
- Or - Or? Oh, I just washed this.
Look at it.
I can run an iron over it.
- That's okay.
- No, no.
It's no problem.
No.
It's all stained anyway.
I spilled pizza on it.
Hmm.
How do you sleep through those bells? - I'm just used to it.
- Oh.
- Oh, damn! - What? My car.
I just remembered.
I'm going to get another ticket.
Whoa, wait.
You know what? I'm hungry.
I'm starved.
Why don't we go out? We'll get some bagels, we'll get some cream cheese, we'll get the paper, make a real Sunday breakfast.
- What do you say, huh? - Um, I could eat, yeah.
Okay, great! So let's go.
No, let me get it.
You You start the coffee.
What about an omelet? You want eggs? - Yeah, that's all right.
- Okay, great.
And bagels Get me an onion Okay.
One onion bagel, coming up.
Yeah, and don't forget the cream cheese with scallions, okay? Gr Hope.
Hope? Shh.
I woke up and you weren't here.
She's still asleep.
Are you kidding? 7:30, she's still asleep? - Michael? - Yeah.
- Last night - Ugh.
Was the worst Saturday night of my life.
For me, too.
And it made me realize that what I want is Look, you're familiar.
Sometimes you're even boring.
- Boring? - It's not a criticism.
Do you hear her? No, I don't hear her.
Good, because it's not a criticism, because you're also wild and crazy and irresponsible.
And if I tried every day for the rest of my life, I could never, ever exhaust all your surprises.
Are you sure you don't hear her? - I'm sure.
- Good.
Would you do something for me? Name it.
- Get me the clock.
- The clock? Michael, the clock.
Thank you.
See? Now it's Saturday night.
It's Saturday night.
Do you hear her? I don't hear her.
I hear her.
Hello! You guys awake? Hello! - Hello! - Do you hear him? - I'll get her.
- I'll get him.
You up yet? Hello! - Mike.
- Gary.
I was just driving around.
Is it too early? Am I in the way? - No, that's okay.
- Great.
Because I got bagels, I got papers, and I'm staying 20 minutes.
- Hi.
- Gary, hi.
Here's my little girl.
Here she is.
I'm in the way, right? I know - You're not in the way.
- It's okay.
Great, because I've decided we're starting a new tradition.
Every Sunday, brunch at your house.
This kid gets brunch first.
Okay.
So last night, did you have a nice time with that girl? Huh? Yeah? What girl? Nobody.
Okay, I got sesame, I got garlic.
Who wants onion? Honey, will you give me a pencil? I'm going to do the crossword.
You can't do a crossword.
You're illiterate.
I can, too.
I did this crossword in 17 minutes once.
That's not the only thing he can do in 17 minutes.
What? Nice shirt, Gary.
When was the last time you washed it? It's just pizza from last night.
17 minutes, huh? Okay, Steadman, let's see if you can beat your record.
- Ready, go.
- Okay, uh, ten letters, starts with a P.
- "A slight offense.
" - Perspiration.
- Peccadillo.
- What? A slight offense.
Trust me.
I got 790 on my English SATs.
I thought peccadillo was a kind of chutney.
- What is chutney? - Spell it.
- Chutney? - No.
Pecca Pecca P-E-C-C-A-D-I-L-L-O.
Hey, guys, you left your door open! - You sleeping or what? - Melissa? What are you doing here? Go away.
Have an onion bagel.
- An onion bagel? - You want some orange juice? Oh, uh, no, thank you.
Good.
We don't have any.
Well, look, I'll go out and get some.
No, no.
Melissa, sit.
Do the puzzle.
We're going for a record.
So how was it? How was the show? The show? The show in New York? Oh, um, I didn't see the show.
So what did you do? I, uh I ran into an old friend.
And I won a medal for wiping out five years of therapy in a single evening.
Did you remember the cream cheese with scallions? Honey, I think Janey needs to be changed.
Maybe you and Gary could take care of that for me.
Right.
Come on.
So is this the part where I say, "Wally, step into my study"? I don't have a study.
Is this the one I gave her? I can never tell anymore.
The kid's got too many bears.
Okay.
So, um, just kind of? - Just kind of, yeah.
- Oh.
Or, like, wow? Wow.
Wow is right.
See, Gary, you got to understand she is my cousin.
If I was any kind of a man, I would probably take you out back and shoot you.
No, I wouldn't shoot you.
I would knee-cap you.
That way, I could beat you at squash.
It'll be okay.
See, Mike, our problem is - He did that? - He did that.
I don't know.
I mean, what do I say here? He's a jerk.
Of course he is.
You could say that.
You could also say what else you're thinking.
Which is? Which is that I'm a jerk.
Melissa, don't beat yourself up.
Look, I just feel I'm sorry.
This is none of my business.
You're right.
I just don't see that there's any future with him, that's all.
Hope, please.
I spent one night with him.
You don't think I feel stupid enough? I let myself miss him.
I kept thinking he could be different.
When am I going to get it through my head? People don't change unless they want to.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Do I hear Janey? If you want? Okay.
Just say it.
Why? Because I should hear it.
Okay.
Damn you.
Damn me.
Don't say that.
Why not? I think I've earned the right.
After that ridiculous whatever it was last night, what did I expect? - I know.
- Do you? Then tell me.
- I'm not good at this.
- No kidding.
Maybe it's not What did you expect? What did you want? What did you want? I don't know.
No? Okay, then.
No, no.
I It's just I see you now, all right? And I see how you were then.
You know, us.
How we were then.
That's good.
That's great, Gary.
What about today? What about now? I'm going home.
No, no.
Now? Okay, Melissa.
Now.
You and me.
What are we doing here? We'll leave messages for each other.
"It's only me.
" "Call if you want.
" "Forget it if you want.
" If I hadn't been here when you walked in today, it would have been fine.
We both would have acted as if nothing had happened, and you know that.
You know that, and that's a lie.
Because something did happen.
And of all the people in the world, you and I forgive each other the least.
Last night we got it wrong.
You're not the one who needs the rescue, Melissa.
I do.
Am I ever going to stop running? Oh, Gare.
I don't know.
This isn't an apology.
- I don't accept one.
- Good.
Because it's not going to happen again, Gare.
Not with me.
Meanwhile, I suppose all the onion bagels are gone.
I love you.
Just answer the question.
You can have mine.
Oh, sesame.
You know I don't like sesame.
Oh.
There.
You missed some.
That's better.
In time, the Rockies may crumble Gibraltar may tumble They're only made of clay But our love is here To stay