TLC (2002) s01e05 Episode Script

1
[We Gotta Get Out of This Place]
[wheels squeaking]
All right, doc?
Not often I see you
at this late hour, Sid?
Word is we're due for a dawn raid
from the Old Bill tomorrow.
Police? What are they lookin' for?
Certain illegal substances.
You know, things you naughty doctors
shouldn't be holding onto.
- Joints?
- Joints. Arms, legs, spleens
Any human tissue.
They're cracking down unless
you've got written consent for storage.
Really?
See this?
The hospital pathologist found it
down the back of the mortuary freezer.
Could have been in there for years.
He's asked me
to hide the, uh evidence.
I must dash before it falls out.
It's starting to drip already.
- All right, Sid!
- Oh! Don't catch me unawares
like that, Dr Noble.
My heart's beating like a drum.
[deep breath] Boom!
[deep breath] Boom!
Boom!
- What's with Sid?
- Boom!
He seems really agitated.
There'll be a police raid tomorrow.
Police raid? Whoa!
- Are you all right, Dr Noble?
- Pure adrenaline, Flynn.
- It's the buzz from this place.
- Have you been drinking? Coffee?
- Might have, possibly. I can handle it.
- Just coffee?
Sure. Only coffee, nothing else.
No stimulants Red Bull.
There's a whole stash of it
in the mess fridge.
Come on, we've got to get to the ward.
It's a medical emergency.
- Emergency?
- I've got the munchies.
I need some of the nurses' choccies.
Observe a master in action.
How are things?
All quiet in the struggle
against disease and suffering?
Been a bad day, Dr Noble. Look at that.
Only one box of Cadbury Roses
given to my nurses all day.
Get your greedy hands
off my nurses' chocolates.
- Oh, please?
- Let him have just one.
I bet neither of you washed your hands
after you saw your last patient.
- [sniffs]
- Go and wash your hands now, Flynn!
The sink is over there.
Sister, would I be correct in thinking
that's the sink with scalding hot water
- and no cold tap?
- [Flynn screaming]
You better believe it.
I need cold water. Hands burning!
- Pain searing!
- Put them in that jar.
- [steam hissing]
- [sighing]
And while you're there,
can you check it for glucose?
- It's Mrs Farrell's urine sample.
- Oh, what?!
No choccies until you've both
washed your hands.
- [whimpers]
- If you give Noble a chocolate
I'll tell you a big secret.
[both] Go on.
Well, there's going to be
a police raid tomorrow
- looking for retained body parts.
- Oh! We already knew that!
The hospital pathologist
called to warn me
- just before he went into hiding.
- Why?
- He knows about these earrings.
- Brown pearls?
Gallstones. I took them
when I was a student.
Well, you leave those with me, Sister.
I'll hide them. Could be very risky,
though, what with the police.
- What's your price?
- Chocolates for Noble.
Deal.
Two earrings.
- Two chocolates.
- [sniffs]
Ahh! Flynn, take me
to my chill-out room.
[both] Night night, boys.
[sighs] Now, at last, I get some sleep.
- [pager beeps]
- Oh!
Bleeping Flynn.
Local GP. Put him on.
Hi, Dr Flynn, on-call surgeon.
Non-specific abdo pain.
Sure, send it to Casualty. I'll see it.
In the meantime, oh, just put up a drip,
squeeze in some units of haemacell.
No, I'm not taking the piss.
Well, what emergency equipment
have you got?
A tongue depressor? Oh, just hold
her hand until the ambulance comes.
Thank you, God. Now I'm gonna be up
all night sorting her out.
Right, I need coffee.
[groans] No coffee.
What would Noble do? A-ha! Red Bull.
[screams]
I thought you were the police.
You're the hospital pathologist.
Can't hide!
Why not? It's nice and chilly.
I'm used to it.
I spend my life in cool ambient
temperatures.
Whatever. Where's the Red Bull?
- [pager beeps]
- Thanks.
Say, who turned the light off?
Flynn. Again? Put him on.
What is it now?
Has she? Well, that's very sad.
No, I'm sure you did all you could
with your tongue depressor.
Good night.
And I won't be needing you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
- One of my patients just died.
- Oh.
[radio dispatcher, indistinct]
Sorry, sir.
Thank you. Ahem.
What time is it?
Uh, 9.00, sir.
- This is supposed to be a dawn raid.
- I'm sorry, sir.
- My alarm didn't go off.
- Come on, we've got a lot to do.
All right, cops?
I've always had toes,
ever since I was a little baby.
- Really?
- I think my fingers arrived
- when I started nursery.
- Did they?
- Right. That's your nails all clipped.
- [knock on door]
Just a moment.
Ms Alison Bradley,
state registered chiropodist?
- Yes.
- DI Crighton, CID.
May I ask exactly what is in that
silver kidney-shaped bowl!?
- Bits of nail, corns, callous
- Human tissue?
- No. Well, yes, I suppose so.
- Right. Bring her in.
Same time next week, dear?
Morning.
Oh, dear, you two look terrible.
Slight hangover, Terry.
Mixed my drinks last night.
I heard. You all right, Dr Flynn?
You look a bit melancholy.
I did something last night
I'm not very proud of.
You should've bleeped me.
I could've joined in.
No. This GP rang about an admission
and I just really wanted
to get some kip.
So when he rang back to say
this woman had died,
I felt really happy,
happy this poor woman had died.
And then you did a shameful thing?
Oh, don't start moping, Flynn. Keep
a professional distance like Gasman.
You don't get emotionally involved
with patients, do you?
No, it's too painful
for them.
Now Staff, that's a different story,
eh, Dr Flynn?
You can't beat a nice
doctor-nurse romance.
We're both off-duty tonight, aren't we?
Are we?
I think you're pushing at
a closed door there, Terrence.
There's always
the back entrance, Dr Noble.
Flynn, we're here to care
for patients, not about them.
I got over-involved with a patient once.
The romance ended in tears.
I was working in the clap clinic
at the time.
He was a very good-looking soldier.
- How did it end?
- With a dishonourable discharge.
I had nothing to do with it!
Put the arrow-point screw-curved blade
cuticle scissors down, no one gets hurt.
All right, docs?
Is that the same stiff
as last night, Sid?
No. This one's 100 per cent legit.
Brought in dead to Casualty last night.
Here, look.
Choked on a tongue depressor.
Uh, where Where did you hide
the other one?
In the hospital lift
till the heat's off.
The lift? But people use that all day.
Not anymore.
Listen, Sid, you couldn't, uh,
help me out with these, could you?
Oh, you have been
a naughty boy, Dr Flynn.
They look like gallstones.
Yeah, two very nice
bile pigment stones.
That's calcium bilirubinate,
as well you know.
- You want me to torch 'em?
- No, just hide them for a while.
- They belong to Sister Hope.
- Sister Hope?
I'll sort it. [exhales]
Right, let's look at this week's
admission list.
Varicose veins, hernia Oh, hello.
Here's one for you.
Frank Briggs,
peripheral vascular disease.
Due for a leg amputation.
If you can be emotionally detached
around him then you've cracked it.
Why? Is he everybody's
favourite patient?
I bet all the nurses fuss over him.
No, he's a shit. Right nasty
piece of work. Terrifies everybody.
Why would I get emotionally
involved with him?
Fear is an emotion, too, Flynn.
Show no fear.
Don't worry. I'll be
the consummate professional.
Excuse me. Hello, Mr Briggs
Oh, please don't kill me!
I'm your doctor!
Easy, lads. Sorry, doctor.
- Thank you.
- The boys are a bit nervous.
There's Old Bill knocking about
all over the place.
Yes. Uh, well, I really should
examine you alone.
But if you'd like your friends to stay,
that's fine.
Right. If I can have a quick look.
[gagging]
Mr Briggs gets very nervous about
people touching him down below,
ever since a distressin' incident
in the Feltham Young Offenders Unit.
[strained] Perhaps we can just skip
the physical examination.
- Thank you, doctor. That will be all?
- Yes, well, that's all I needed.
You are doing a wonderful job, doctor.
My old mum used to be a nurse.
She loved the NHS, she did,
and that is why I won't go private,
out of respect for her.
She was Irish.
Flynn's an Irish name, isn't it?
Yes.
I think you and I will get along fine,
don't you?
- Friends, like.
- Friends? Oh, yes.
Good. Because when something
hurts a friend, it hurts you.
¿Comprende?
If things go wrong for me,
they go wrong for you as well.
[panting] Hmm.
Well, nothing will go wrong.
Mr Ron hasn't killed anybody.
[panting] Recently.
Ha! Missed.
Ha! Missed.
- [grunts]
- Sorry!
You're just making it worse
for yourself.
- You'll never take me alive.
- Let's not be hasty.
I have a Westbury Single-Spring
Concave Nipper
and I'm not afraid to use it. Aah!
No! We'll head her off using the lift.
Never mind. She won't get far.
Where's next on the list?
Uh, chiropody department,
surgical ward Sperm bank.
This is a police emergency.
Take me to the sperm bank.
We could just go to the toilets.
Dr Noble, what kind of things
could go wrong for, say,
Briggs' surgery tomorrow?
Go wrong? Oh, well, let's start
with the minor local things.
Haemorrhage, primary,
reactionary or secondary.
Infection, strictures,
sinus formation, abscesses
It's the only way to get rid of it.
Come on, girls, it's full of protein.
[groans]
Stroke, heart attack, parotitis,
lung collapse cuddly toy pulmonary
embolus and finally bed sores.
I make that 56 possible complications.
Why do you ask?
No reason.
Look, if anything happens to Briggs
he's gonna hold me responsible
just because we're friends.
Friends? Flynn, what did I tell you
about getting involved?
He probably doesn't mean it.
Yeah.
- Flynn, can you swim?
- Yes.
- With concrete around your feet?
- No.
Ah.
Too late.
- Sister Hope?
- Who wants to know?
DI Crighton, CID.
I don't know nothing.
I haven't seen no earrings.
- Who grassed me up? It's a lie.
- I've come to see an old friend,
Mr Frank Briggs.
Briggs. Oh, yes.
Bed six.
"From all the lads down at the station."
Oh, that is kind.
The governor asked me to pass on
his personal regards
Here's a little gift, too.
Cigar. Lovely.
Sir, the chiropodist has been spotted
on the hospital roof.
Oh. Sorry. Duty calls.
Oh, tell your boss I'll be paying him
in euros from now on.
[Crighton] Let's not be hasty.
We can work this out.
- I'm not a criminal!
- [sirens approach]
- Let me try, guv.
- Patience, lad.
Softly, softly, catchee monkey.
Monkey? What monkey?
Where's the monkey?
Come on, you two, out you get.
Visiting time is over.
Your boss needs to go to rest tonight.
He's got a big operation tomorrow.
Go on, lads, off you go. Come and see me
tomorrow after the operation. Go on.
- Now hand it over.
- [sighs]
Not that, the cigar.
[sighs]
If you didn't smoke these things
you wouldn't be needing your operation.
- I like you, Sister. You've got bottle.
- Yes, I have.
And now it's time for you to fill it.
[sirens blaring]
Please let me try, guv.
We've been up here for hours.
OK.
Go on, then.
Jump, you cruel, heartless freak.
[screaming]
- [tyres screeching]
- [crash]
Why did you say that?
Reverse psychology.
Right.
Well, I think we're done here.
Fancy a curry?
Yeah.
You bleeped me, Nurse Judy?
Yes. Mr Hunter's urinary catheter
needs replacing.
- No problem.
- How did you get on with Mr Briggs?
- Did he scare you?
- Me? Of course not.
In fact we got on very well.
Friends almost.
Really?
Yes, I'm a doctor.
The criminal classes respect that.
So this, uh, catheter,
what bed is Mr Hunter in?
- Bed six.
- Right. Bed six.
Or was it bed five?
[Briggs shoring]
- What do you think you're doing?
- [gasps]
- Mr Briggs!
- Is this what you do?
Touch patients up
when they're asleep?
Oh, no!
And you still are
Still are what?
Still asleep. This is a lucid dream.
You're still asleep.
Yeah, you're right.
Is that you, mummy?
[high voice] Oh, yes, dearest.
A bad dream, mummy.
The bogeyman.
Ohh. Don't worry, dear.
Mummy's here.
[panting]
I Go to sleep
I My babbie
I Close your pretty eyes
- I love you, mummy.
- I love you too
Francis.
Kiss and cuddle.
[groans]
Kiss and cuddle.
Oh, how lovely, Dr Flynn.
You two have made friends.
Gasman, I know this may seem
a strange request,
but could you please make sure
Briggs doesn't feel any pain?
- That is my job, Flynn.
- I know. After the last case
The patient's screams were just a reflex
contraction of the vocal chords.
Yes. I don't want anything to go wrong.
Oh, stop blabbing, Flint.
You're a bag of nerves.
Can we just get on with
the amputation, please?
Flint, you haven't marked
this patient's leg.
Well, I couldn't. Wouldn't let me
touch him down there, sir.
Good God, you're a doctor.
You can touch people anywhere
you bloody well want.
- Now which side are we operating on?
- Side?
The left leg or the right leg?
Oh, uh, is it written down
in his consent form, Gasman?
- No.
- Couldn't we wake him up and ask him?
- Out of the question.
- I've never heard such nonsense.
Does anyone here know
which leg is for the chop? Terry?
Don't ask me. I'm not really a leg man.
We can chop both off. That way
we've definitely got the correct one.
We'll just have to toss a coin
or something.
The nurses on the ward.
The nurses will know. I'll go down now.
You've got five minutes, Flint,
or I'll just start.
From memory I think it's the left side.
What do you think, Noble?
I'm 60 per cent certain
it was the left.
Five minutes! Give me five minutes!
[door opens]
Oh, Sid!
- Judy! Mr Briggs!
- He's in theatre.
Yes! Do you know which leg
we should be amputating?
- Yes. The right one.
- And? Right.
As opposed to the wrong one.
- What?
- Right one, not the wrong one.
- But which side? Right or left?
- I'm not sure.
Oh, think, think! All right, calm.
How did he walk when he arrived?
Was it like this?
Or
I'm not sure he actually limped.
Try it with a stiff leg.
Oh.
What is going on here?
We're trying to work out which leg
Briggs needs amputated.
- The right one. Certain.
- Are you sure? Thank you!
- The right one as opposed to
- [both] The wrong one.
- Too late, Flint. I've already started.
- Which side? Which side?
The left side, of course.
No!
Is that the monkey?
You bastards knew all along
it was his left leg.
Of course.
You wouldn't want to make
a mistake with him, Flynn.
The man is a vicious sadist.
I could learn so much from him.
Father, could I talk to you?
You have a medical problem?
I know lots of medicine, I really do.
No. Is it wrong to get involved
with patients?
You see, there was this patient
who died
and I was pleased. Is that a sin?
- Died?
- Yes.
Not died, my child. Sleeping.
No, Father, died.
No, I can save her.
- No, Father
- I can rebuild her.
I have the technology.
- [beeping]
- [woman] Trauma team to Casually.
Oh, I've got to go, Father.
You've been Well, you've been.
- I can come too to Casualty?
- No, Father.
Now stay. Stay, boy.
Sit!
[sighs] Oh, well, we tried.
Never had a chance. No one
could survive those injuries.
Except perhaps Captain Scarlet.
He was only 17. He was younger than me.
That's why this place is called
the Trauma Room, Flynn,
as opposed to the Mildly Upsetting,
You'll Get Over It Room. Come on.
I can't cope with all this.
It's too much.
One minute I'm pleased a patient
is dead and now
- Now it's your chance to make amends.
- How?
It's your turn to break bad news,
remember?
I want you to tell the parents.
They'll be here soon.
Don't make me, please.
I can't. What will I say?
Those poor parents just want you
to show compassion,
that the death of their son has
touched you. You can still feel it here.
Now just get out there
and tell those parents
their son is kippered.
OK, OK. What do I do?
OK. The first thing is to make sure
the relatives are in the relatives room.
Then you go in.
Yes?
And all you need to say is is
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
- A cup of tea? That's it?
- A cup of tea.
Everybody knows if a doctor offers you
a cup of tea the news is bad.
It's all you need to say. They both
start crying, you say sorry, get out.
- What if they start asking questions?
- That's where I come in.
- I tell them to ask you?
- No.
I will bleep you exactly two minutes
after you've entered.
You look at your bleep, apologise,
say you've got to go.
- I can't.
- You can! Come on.
- I can't!
- No fear! You can take 'em!
- What are you gonna do?
- Break bad news.
- Louder.
- Break bad news!
- What'll you say?
- "Would you like a cup of tea?"
- Cup of teal
- Go get 'em, tiger!
[softly] Would you like some tea?
Oh, Nurse Judy.
- Dr Flynn?
- Judy, can I ask,
have you ever broken bad news
to someone?
- Bad news? Of course.
- Could you teach me?
Sure. Before that,
can I just say something to you?
Of course.
Let's sit down here.
Since you started working here
it's become obvious to me that there's
something between us, isn't there?
Yes.
I find myself
very attracted to you, Dr Flynn.
Very.
You find me attractive, don't you?
Possibly.
I really want you, Dr Flynn.
Oh. My bleep's in an awkward place.
I know it hasn't always seemed that way
but I do really want you.
All of you.
That's feasible.
But I just can't do it.
It would be too unprofessional,
us both working on the same ward.
- You understand, don't you?
- But
Don't you?
Yes.
And that, Dr Flynn,
is how you break bad news.
Hello, I'm Dr Flynn.
I was looking after your son.
I am looking after
I'm your son's doctor.
How is he, doctor?
Would you like a cup of coffee?
Teal I mean, tea.
Would you like some tea?
Oh, no, thank you, doctor.
Got ourselves a cup
from the machine outside.
- Oh. Uh
- So, how is he, doctor?
Uh Oh, was that my bleep going off?
- I didn't hear anything.
- Nor me.
[sighs] No.
Nor did I.
Why didn't you bleep me out?
I trusted you. You promised!
Flynn, you can't always rely on me
to bail you out.
- You!
- Oh, Flynn, sorry, gotta go.
- Just been bleeped.
- You switched it off and on, I saw you.
- Exactly!
- That's what I should've done.
It's the old bleep yourself trick. Just
switch your bleep off and on again
- [beeps]
- Gotta go.
Dr Flynn, the police have all gone,
so can I have my earrings back now?
- I haven't got them.
- You better not have lost them.
No. I've sent them to a jeweller's
for a scale and polish.
Oh, nice.
All set for the ward round, team?
- Flint, how's Mr Briggs doing?
- Oh, very well, sir.
Well, you'd better read
this new directive, then
and break the bad news to him.
Oh, great.
Come along.
Hello, Mr Big.
Everything went well in theatre.
Thank you, doctor. I'm sure
it was a great relief to all of you.
[high voice] Yes. [clears throat] Yes.
Go on, Flint.
Oh, yes. Uh, as of yesterday,
the hospital is no longer allowed
to retain any body parts.
So?
So, here is your leg
we removed.
And what am I supposed to do
with this, Dr Flynn?
Take it home, Mr Big.
And then what?
Have you got a dog?
- I don't want it, Flynn. Take it back.
- But we're not allowed to keep it.
Are you deaf, Dr Flynn?
He said he doesn't want it.
- [pager beeps]
- Oh, gotta go.
Easy, lads. I'm sure
I'll find a special use for it.
Excellent. Come along.
- All quiet tonight, Sister?
- Been a good day, Dr Noble.
Three boxes of Cadbury Roses received,
and Mr Briggs has finally gone home.
- Yes.
- Oh. He wanted you to have this.
- Oh
- Dr Noble.
Ah. Cigar? How lovely.
What about me?
He said your present is on its way.
And what about my earrings?
Where are they?
It's been a week now, Flynn.
I know. I'll have another word
with my jeweller.
[Sister Hope] Hmm.
[sucks teeth]
- Sid?
- All right, doc?
You still got those gallstone earrings?
- Oh, don't worry, they're safe.
- Can I have them back now?
Could be tricky. You may have
to wait a couple of days.
- What have you done with them?
- What any good smuggler would do.
I swallowed them.
Might take a little while
for 'em to go through the, uh, system.
- I've been a bit egg-bound recently.
- Sid!
Don't worry. Soon as they appear,
I'll give 'em ya.
[sighs]
Oh, great.
Morning, gentlemen.
I'm so grateful to you, Dr Flynn.
Sid has just given me back my earrings.
Oh? He was meant to give them
back to me first. Are they OK?
- Why wouldn't they be?
- [opens container]
Well, they look beautifully polished
and browner than ever.
I am impressed, Dr Flynn.
Sister, what's that awful smell?
[sniffs]
Flynn!
[sighs]
"To my friend Dr Flynn,
Thanks for looking after me.
Mr Briggs."
[screaming]