Total Drama Island (2007) s01e05 Episode Script

1
CHRIS: LAST TIME ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND
THE KILLER BASS FINALLY DODGED THEIR PATHETIC LOSING STREAK
AGAINST THE SCREAMING GOPHERS.
THERE WERE BRUISES, TEARS, RISKY MOVES,
AND DANGEROUS ALLIANCES.
AND IN THE END, IT WAS NOAH, THE KNOW-IT-ALL,
WHO DIDN'T SEE IT COMING.
THIS WEEK, ANOTHER CHALLENGE WILL SEND ONE MORE CAMPER
ON A CRUISE TO LOSERVILLE, POPULATIONFOUR.
WHO WILL SINK AND WHO WILL STAY AFLOAT?
FIND OUT RIGHT NOW ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND .
CHORUS: DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
WELL PACK YOUR BAGS 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
EVERYTHING TO PROVE NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA NA NANA NANA NA ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)
LINDSAY: OKAY, THIS IS SO--WAY--BEYOND, BAD.
I'M OUT OF FAKE TANNER, ALREADY.
WHOA, THAT'S TRAGIC, LINDSAY.
NOW I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LIKE SUNTAN, IN THE SUN.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW SHRIVELED AND WRINKLY
THAT CAN MAKE YOUR SKIN?
OH, YOU TOTALLY DO
CHRIS: (ON LOUDSPEAKER) ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS,
ENOUGH BEAUTY SLEEP.
TIME TO SHOW US WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.
LINDSAY: ARE WE GONNA SEE A MUSICAL?
I LOVE MUSICALS.
ESPECIALLY, THE ONES WITH SINGING AND DANCING.
GWEN, SAVED YOU A SEAT.
THANKS.
WHOOWHOA!
(SPITS)
WELCOME TO OUR BRAND-NEW, DELUXE,
STATE-OF-THE-ART OUTDOOR AMPHITHEATER.
OKAY, THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE IS A SUMMER CAMP FAVORITE,
A TALENT CONTEST.
YES! AWESOME.
EACH TEAM HAS 8 HOURS TO PICK
THEIR THREE MOST TALENTED CAMPERS.
THESE THREE WILL REPRESENT THEM IN THE SHOW TONIGHT.
SING, DANCE, JUGGLE.
ANYTHING GOES AS LONG AS IT'S LEGAL.
YOU WILL BE JUDGED BY OUR RESIDENT TALENT SCOUT,
FORMER D.J., V.J., AND RAP LEGEND
GRANDMASTER CHEF WHO WILL SHOW HIS APPROVAL
VIA THE CHEF-O-METER. (DINGING)
THE TEAM THAT LOSES
WILL SEND ONE CAMPER HOME TONIGHT.
GOOD LUCK.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) OKAY, I'M THE TEAM CAPTAIN,
SO HERE'S HOW IT'S GOING TO WORK.
WAIT, WHO SAID YOU WERE TEAM CAPTAIN?
SHE DID. JUST NOW.
LINDSAY, BETH, AND I TOOK A VOTE, AND I WON.
THREATENING THEM TO VOTE FOR YOU ISN'T EXACTLY DEMOCRATIC.
HEY, SNAGGED YOU AN EXTRA MUFFIN.
TRENT, YOU'RE COOL WITH ME
LEADING THIS PROJECT, AREN'T YOU?
RIGHT ON. GO FOR IT.
GOOD.
BETH, LINDSAY, AND I WILL BE THE JUDGES.
(SIGHS) WHATEVER.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
-ARE YOU GONNA AUDITION? -DOUBTFUL.
YOU SHOULD BE IN THIS, THOUGH.
I HEARD YOU THE OTHER NIGHT BY THE DOCK.
YOU WERE REALLY GOOD.
(OWEN BELCHING)
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N -O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-ZED!
YES!
THAT WAS EXCELLENT, MAN.
WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT IN THIS CONTEST.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO BURP THE ENTIRE ALPHABET IN ONE GO?
I CAN ALSO TOOT BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH.
ALL: NO! NO, NO, NO.
OWEN.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
ANYWHERE, THAT'S NOT HERE.
MAN, THAT IS WEAK.
THANK YOU.
(CLEARS THROAT)
OH, I VOTE FOR HEATHER TO BE IN THE CONTEST.
I SECOND THAT.
GUYS, THAT'S SO SWEET.
OKAY, SO, I GUESS, I'M IN.
WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE TAKE FIVE?
I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING.
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?
OH, MY GOSH, DEFINITELY.
MY SISTER GOT DIARRHEA ONCE ON A DATE,
AND I HAD TO BRING HER TOILET PAPER
BECAUSE THE RESTAURANT WAS ALL OU
AND SHE WAS STUCK IN THE BATHROOM,
AND I'VE NEVER TOLD A SOUL.
OOPS. SORRY, PAULA.
GWEN'S UP TO SOMETHING SERIOUS.
I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW HER AND REPORT BACK TO ME.
LINDSAY: SERIOUS?
YEAH, SERIOUSLY BORING.
OOH, THAT'S NOT BORING.
FINE. SIGN HIM UP.
-NEXT? -ME!
I CAN STAND ON MY HANDS FOR 20 MINUTES.
WATCH.
COURTNEY: OKAY, THAT'D BE CUTE IF YOU WERE A MONKEY.
I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S QUITE WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
NEXT.
-(INHALES) -COURTNEY: NEXT.
(EXHALES)
HEATHER: LINDSAY, COME IN.
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT? OVER.
LINDSAY, WHERE ARE YOU?
UHON MY WAY BACK.
UNDER.
AWESOME.
WELL, I GUESS, IT'S GEOFF,
D.J.'S RIBBON THING, AND YOUR SOLO.
I'M GONNA BE ON TV, MAN.
YOU'RE ALREADY ON TV, GEOFF.
OH, YEAH.
HELLO, OUT THERE, DUDES!
I CALL THIS THE DANCE
OF THE RATTLESNAKE.
(IMITATING RATTLESNAKE)
LOOK INTO MY EYES WHAT DO YOU SEE ♪
(SINGING)
SHE'S GOOD.
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SAFE?
BETH: IT'S OKAY. I'VE BEEN PRACTICING.
RUN!
BETH: I KIND OF MISSED THE CATCHING CLASS.
UH, GUYS, THE BUSH IS ON FIRE.
OKAY, SO I THINK IT'S ME, TRENT, AND JUSTIN.
ANY OBJECTIONS?
WHAT YOU GOT THERE, A JOURNAL?
-BEAT IT. -OH, I GET IT.
YEAH, IT'S PRIVATE, HUH?
I'M DOWN WITH THAT. YEAH, IT'S COOL, BRAH.
WHAT PART OF "BEAT IT" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
(SNIFFS)
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF FREAK?
Y-YOU JUST SMELL REALLY PRETTY.
IT'S JUST SOAP.
I WON'T EVEN ASK.
LOOK.
THE FIRST HOOK-UP OF THE SEASON.
OH, YEAH, WE'RE GOING AT IT BIG-TIME.
I NEED A SWIM JUST TO COOL OFF.
AAH!
GWEN, WAIT UP. I'LL COME WITH YOU.
SURE.
I MEAN, WHATEVER.
YOU, STAY HERE.
WE'VE GOT A DIARY TO FIND.
SO CAN YOU REALLY STAND ON YOUR HANDS FOR 20 MINUTES?
WANT TO BET THAT I CAN'T?
OH, YOU'RE ON.
I'LL TAKE A PIECE OF THAT ACTION.
YEAH, THAT'S LIKE VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE.
ANTE UP.
OKAY, 20 MINUTES STARTING NOW.
(LAUGHING)
OH, CRAP.
YOU, YOU KILLED MY VIOLIN.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
YOU STAND GUARD.
AND REMEMBER, IF YOU SEE GWEN COMING, WARN ME.
OKAY.
SOMETIMES I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE HERE,
YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, IT'S LIKE THEY'RE ALL DRIVING ME CRAZY.
WELL, ALMOST ALL OF THEM.
CANNONBALL!
AH, I HATE THIS PLACE.
NICE GOING, GUYS.
YEAH, NICE GOING.
HUH?
OKAY, IF I WERE A SECRET DIARY,
WHERE WOULD I BE STASHED?
HEY, GWEN.
GWEN, IT'S YOU.
HI!
LINDSAY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE OUTSIDE OF THE CABIN,
GWEN?
TRYING TO GET INTO THE CABIN.
OH, YOU'RE TRYING TO GET INTO THE CABIN.
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
WAIT! STAY HERE. WE CAN GET TANS TOGETHER.
AND YOU COULD TOTALLY USE ONE.
YES! SHE IS SO DUD.
GWEN: ARE YOU GONNA MOVE,
OR DO I HAVE TO THROW YOU OUT OF MY WAY?
LINDSAY: YOU CAN TRY,
BUT I HAVE MARTIAL-ARTS TRAINING.
OKAY, YOU CAN GO IN.
LOOK! GWEN'S BACK!
HEY, GWEN, DID YOU HAVE A GOOD SWIM?
WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?
NOTHING, JUST RESTING BEFORE THE BIG SHOW.
ARE YOU ALWAYS SO PARANOID?
YEAH, REALLY.
OKAY, I KNOW I'M NOT AS GOOD
AS YOU ARE AT THE VIOLIN, BUT I CAN DO THIS.
BRIDGETTE.
TOO BAD ABOUT THE ACCIDENT.
I GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO GE
YOUR 15 SECONDS OF FAME AFTER ALL, HUH?
WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
OH, NOTHING.
NO ONE WOULD SABOTAGE THEIR OWN TEAMMATE
UNLESS THEY MAYBE FELT THREATENED.
HEY, MAYBE THAT'S HOW YOU GOPHERS OPERATE,
BUT THE KILLER BASS HAVE MORE CLASS THAN THAT.
WE'RE A TEAM.
WELL, I GUESS, YOU'LL GO DOWN AS A TEAM TOO.
OH, AND EASY ON THE CHIPS.
YOU DON'T WANT TO SINK THAT SURFBOARD OF YOURS, DO YOU?
WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.
IT'S SO EASY IT'S ALMOST NOT FUN--ALMOST.
CHRIS: IT'S THE T.D.I. TALENT EXTRAVAGANZA!
WELCOME TO THE VERY FIRST CAMP WAWANAKWA TALENT CONTEST,
WHERE SIX CAMPERS WILL SHOWCASE THEIR MAD SKILLS
AND DESPERATELY TRY NOT TO HUMILIATE THEMSELVES.
FIRST UP FOR THE SCREAMING GOPHERS IS JUSTIN.
(CHEERING)
LINDSAY: YEAH, JUSTIN, OH, YEAH!
THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES FOR HOT, "JUS" AND "TIN."
"MAN, THAT GUY IS JUST SO HOT I COULD KISS HIM,
BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD TEAMMATE."
DAH, WHY'D I SAY THAT?
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS,
BUT DANG YOU'VE GOT SOME MOVES, DUDE.
(CHEERING)
FIRST UP FOR THE KILLER BASS,
MAKE SOME NOISE FOR THE BIG GUYD.J.!
(CHEERING)
DAINTY AND YET MASCULINE.
LET'S SEE WHAT GRANDMASTER CHEF THINKS.
(DINGING)
NOT MUCH.
SO WITH TWO DOWN AND FOUR ACTS TO GO,
IT'S THE SCREAMING GOPHERS SCREAMING AHEAD.
NEXT ON DECKTRENT.
TAKE IT AWAY, MY BRO.
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO SOMEONE SPECIAL HERE AT CAMP.
THEY SAY THAT WE'VE ONLY GOT SUMMER ♪
AND I SAY THAT'S REALLY A BUMMER ♪
BUT WE'LL SWIM IN THE SUN AND HAVE LOTS OF FUN ♪
IT'LL JUST BE THE TWO OF US ♪
NOTHING TO DO BUT JUST HANG ♪
SO LET ME SAY ONLY THIS ♪
I'D STICK AROUND FOR JUST ONE KISS ♪
-(APPLAUSE) -NICE WORK.
(DINGING) I'M LIKING YOUR STYLE, DUDE,
AND SO DOES GRANDMASTER CHEF.
ALL RIGHT, QUIT HOGGING MY LIGHT, BUDDY.
THREE DOWN AND THREE TO GO,
AND THE KILLER BASS ARE TOTALLY SUCKING SO FAR.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR BRIDGETTE.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS?
(STOMACH RUMBLING)
OH, DEFINITELY.
NO, I--I'M GREAT.
REALLY.
(BURPS)
(GASPS)
OWEN: I'M HIT.
I'M HIT!
HEY, PUKE ON YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND.
ON YOUR OWN WHAT, LINDSAY?
I DIDN'T SAY BOYFRIEND.
CLEANUP IN AISLE THREE, FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX.
IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL TAKE A SHORT BREAK
TO HOSE THE JOINT DOWN.
GOING HOME WON'T BE SO BAD.
I COULD ALWAYS WORK AT THE SURF SHACK.
CHRIS: WELCOME BACK TO THE T.D.I.
TALENT EXTRAVAGANZA!
WELCOME BACK.
OKAY, SO IN A STRANGE TURN OF EVENTS,
BRIDGETTE'S CHUNK-BLOWING
FEST REGISTERED TWO THUMBS UP BY GRANDMASTER CHEF.
BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO PULL AHEAD
OF THE SCREAMING GOPHERS
WHO HOLD THE LEAD WITH TRENT'S LOVE SONG.
SO WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY, HERE SHE IS FOR THE LEADERS
-HEATHER. -(APPLAUSE)
ORIGINALLY, I WAS GOING TO DANCE FOR YOU
BUT INSTEAD I WANT TO CELEBRATE TEAM SPIRI
WITH A COLLABORATION.
SHE WOULDN'T.
HEATHER: SO WITH WORDS BY GWEN,
PERFORMANCE BY ME, ENJOY.
(CLEARS THROAT)
"OKAY, SO I'M TRYING TO IGNORE HIM,
BUT HE'S JUST SO CUTE.
IF THEY HAD CUSTOM-ORDERED A GUY
TO BE A DISTRACTION FOR ME HERE, IT WOULD'VE BEEN 'MCHOTTIE."
(GASPS)
"WE JUST TOTALLY CONNECT.
HE'S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY PERSON I CAN RELATE TO HERE
AND I KNOW IT'S A CLICHE,
BUT I LOVE GUYS WHO PLAY GUITAR."
WAIT. I DON'T PLAY GUITAR.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS SO MEAN.
SERIOUSLY.
WELL, THEN, IT'S DOWN TO THE FINAL ACT OF THE NIGHT.
CAN GEOFF AND HIS RAD STUNTS TURN IT AROUND?
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT.
LET'S FIND OUT.
WHOA, THAT KIND OF WRECKS THE RIDE.
NOW WHAT?
WE HAVE TO SEND SOMEONE OUT THERE,
OR WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THIS.
KATIE AND SADIE ARE COVERED IN BARF.
WELL, THAT ONLY LEAVES TYLER, DUNCAN, OR HAROLD.
WE ALREADY KNOW TYLER SUCKS. WHAT CAN DUNCAN DO AGAIN?
CARVE A PICTURE OF HIS OWN SKULL INTO A TREE?
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
JUST GO FOR IT, HAROLD.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?
(BEATBOXING)
AWESOME.
(BEATBOXING)
GOSH.
(BEATBOXING)
AWESOME.
(BEATBOXING)
WHAT? WHAT?
UH-HUH.
WHAT? WHAT?
(BEATBOXING)
BOOYA.
(CHEERING)
THAT'S AMAZING.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
WICKED BEATBOXING, DUDE. (DINGING)
CHECK IT OUT.
GRANDMASTER CHEF HAS DECLARED HE'S WINNER.
EVEN THOUGH THEY HELD THE LEAD,
THE SCREAMING GOPHERS HAVE BEEN TRAMPLED BY THE KILLER BASS.
-HAROLD, THAT WAS AMAZING. -COURTNEY: YOU DID IT.
AND AS FOR THE SCREAMING GOPHERS,
PICK YOUR FAVORITE LOSER, AND I'LL SEE YOU AT THE BONFIRE.
PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS MEAN TO GWEN.
WHATEVER.
ALL I NEEDED WAS FOUR VOTES AGAINST JUSTIN.
LINDSAY AND BETH WERE EASY.
IZZY'S JUST CRAZY.
AND OWEN, PIECE OF CAKE.
(LAUGHS)
PIECE OF CAKE.
CHRIS: KUDOS TO YOU ALL FOR AN INCREDIBLE NIGH
OF ENTERTAINMENT,
MUSIC, DRAMA, BARFING.
THERE'S ONLY ONE MARSHMALLOW LEFT ON THIS PLATE.
JUSTIN, YOU REMINDED US ALL THAT LOOKS MATTER A LOT.
AND, HEATHER, YOU'RE FULL OF SURPRISES,
BUT READING ANOTHER CHICK'S DIARY OUT LOUD
TO THE WHOLE WORLD?
MAN, THAT IS WHACK.
NO KIDDING. THAT'S REALLY MESSED UP, DUDE.
OH, PLEASE, JUST GIVE ME MY MARSHMALLOW ALREADY.
JUSTIN, I PERSONALLY THINK THIS IS VERY WRONG,
BUT TONIGHT HOTNESS JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.
THE LAST MARSHMALLOW GOES TO HEATHER.
TIME TO CATCH THE BOAT OF LOSERS, BRAH.
LATER, BRAH.
IF THAT EVIL LITTLE COW THINKS SHE'S GETTING AWAY WITH THIS,
SHE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING.
DID YOU SAY YOU BROUGHT A RED ANT FARM WITH YOU?
YES.
(HEATHER SCREAMS)
SWEET DREAMS, EVERYONE. (GIGGLES)