Twentysomething (2011) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
Come and work at the agency.
Back away from the defence.
This will be your office.
Oh, wow! Nick, I quit.
Saw Billy do the walk of shame this morning.
Can't two friends who used to be more than friends sleep together and it not be a big deal, Josh? It's not a big deal.
If romantic comedies have taught me anything, things always gets a bit more complicated than that.
Josh.
Jess.
Yeah, had a bit of a big night last night.
I lost my wallet.
Ended up miles away from home.
So I had no money for a cab obviously.
I actually remembered I'm still covered under Mum's ambulance insurance thing.
So I faked a seizure.
(Chuckles) I know.
Anyway, I spent the night in a clean bed.
They gave me a little happy gas in the end, which was fantastic.
But I'm checking out now.
So I need you to come pick me up.
I don't even know where the fuck I am.
Yeah, I'll just wait out in the road.
You'll see me.
£ Theme music £ I could never learn to fly £ Jumping out of airplanes £ I find it hard enough to survive £ Without falling from the sky £ I could never find peace that way.
£ I'm a bit nervous.
I haven't seen Nick since I quit the agency.
I'm actually surprised he invited us.
Why don't you just pretend nothing happened? One sort of remembers things like that.
(Gate buzzes) I can't believe they're having a baby.
I know.
It's so adult.
It's so real.
Bet you it wasn't planned.
Jess, Josh.
Welcome.
Hello, Fi.
Welcome.
Now, congratulations.
This is very exciting.
You're gonna make such a great mum.
Oh.
Thanks, Jess.
I hope so.
Joshie.
You made it, mate.
Yeah, of course, Nick.
It's such a big deal.
Congratulations.
Got this for the baby.
Well Thanks, mate.
That's that's nice.
Yeah.
And what's that, Jess? Your present for the baby, is it? Oh, no.
This is to dull the pain of being in your company.
Ah.
OK.
Come on, you two.
Let's try and put everything behind us at least for today.
This is a celebration, and we're family.
She's not.
Oh! Come on, Jess.
Come on.
(Indistinct conversations) Ladies, this is my brother-in-law's housemate Jess.
Just friends? You and Josh aren't together? Oh, no! Just friends.
Still single, then? Yep.
You must be getting clucky though.
What with Fi being pregnant and all? Is marriage and kids something you're after? Oh! Fuck, no! Nope.
Well, you wouldn't want to leave it too much longer.
You don't want to get left on the shelf.
Yeah.
I'm not sitting on any shelf though.
Am I? I'm not gonna wait around to get picked.
I mean, even if I was, I'd just jump off.
OK, Jess.
Let's get you a drink.
Yeah.
I think that's best.
NICK: How's work, mate? MARK: It's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Our profit margin's gone through the roof since we started outsourcing all that stuff from China.
Mark, are you cooking the vegie burgers next to the red meat? It's OK, Bo.
Calm down.
They're miles apart.
I may as well eat a steak.
She can be such a fucking bitch sometimes.
NICK: Seriously, don't worry about it, mate.
Come on.
He never listens to me.
It's OK, Bridie.
Don't let it bother you.
Look, I'm not really good with emotions and things.
I never know what to say.
I might go out and have a cigarette.
Oh! That's exactly what I need.
Can I come and have one? Yeah, sure.
Go for it.
Look, my advice to you, mate - just enjoy your years.
Want one of these? Yeah, I think I need one actually.
Just don't tell Bridie.
I told her I'd quit when we started trying for a baby.
Don't tell Mark about this.
Said I'd quit when we got married.
(Inhales, exhales) We used to be so in love.
Now it's hard to remember why we even like each other.
Shit.
Sounds pretty dark.
Just don't settle down too early.
No.
(Indistinct conversations) Josh, let's just get out of here.
Yeah.
I mean, all I'm hearing about in the kitchen is how much of a prick their husband is, prenatal classes, and how vagina walls get ripped apart during childbirth.
Jesus, Jess! Well, I had to hear about it.
I know.
After this very depressing look into the future, I just need to get out and feel young and reckless again, you know.
I'm gonna get my bag.
(Club music plays) There you go.
Have a good night.
Thank you.
(Both chuckle) Oh.
(Speaks indistinctly) (Laughs) (Laughs) (Crash!) (Chuckles) This is what we're good at.
What? Just having fun.
I hate it when things get serious.
I know, I know.
I'm sick of being so safe.
Oh.
I've got to trust my own instincts.
That's it, Josh.
You should.
'Cause I'm telling you there's nothing stopping us from We can go eat 50 mangoes right now, if you wanted to.
I'll just go to the market and take them.
Let's do it.
Or we could live in a tree house.
I always wanted that.
Become out-of-work actors.
They just sit at cafes and drink coffee and read scripts all day.
Let's do that.
What we should do is open a bar.
Let's do that.
Or go overseas.
Hang on.
That's it.
That's it.
Open a bar? No.
We should go overseas.
That's what our 20s are for.
Let's just go.
Let's go now.
I'm ready to go.
Jess, we haven't even slept yet.
Doesn't matter.
You want to trust your instincts - this is it.
This was your instinct.
Or we could just stay here, do the same sorts of jobs, bumping into all the same boring people.
We'll get angry and bored and depressed, and we'll probably dual suicide to escape the dull pain.
How about that? Well, then do it now, before you've got wrinkles and a mortgage, and red wine-stained teeth.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let go! Let's run away! Alright.
So your deposit's secure, and the balance left on your tickets is just $2,345 each.
That includes all your insurances and taxes.
What the fuck have you got us into, Josh? Oh, it's alright.
Look, a lot of people freak out when it all becomes real.
Here is a brochure for a free information night that we run.
It gives you tips on how to prepare, budgeting, UK work visas, getting a job abroad all that stuff.
Well, congratulations.
You are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime.
BILLY: Here you go, mate.
Nathan.
Mate, isn't your girlfriend coming down since she What? .
.
popping down to have a bit of a squiz? She's not my girlfriend, mate.
She's not my girlfriend.
It's kind of heading in that direction, but I don't want to jinx it just yet.
But, you know, if she's That's right, if she wants to go, that's hard to tell.
One of those girls that's really difficult to tell what's going on.
But I certainly wouldn't mind her going.
Calm down.
(Laughs) He's keen on her.
Just calm down.
I'm not keen, I'm alright.
I'm very calm, I'm very calm.
How's that ladyboy from the footy trip.
Still keep in touch with him? (Indistinct shouting) (Shouting continues) Come on.
Oh, shit! Here he comes.
How's it going there? Hey.
Didn't think you guys would show, it being an early Sunday morning.
It's not a church.
(Chuckles) I didn't want to miss the opportunity to see you in your shortie short shorts.
Oh, yeah.
Drink it in.
Check it out.
Well, don't expect too much of a game, 'cause we're at the bottom of the ladder.
We'll be there forever.
That's OK.
I'm attracted to losers anyway.
Great.
That's very lucky for me.
Yeah.
(Sighs) You guys haven't slept yet, have you? Not yet, no.
I'm picking up on that.
Yeah.
Well, you know, if you guys are still off tonight, you should come to the party.
I'm probably going to get a medal for all the stuff I do here today.
Mark of the year and that kinda stuff.
Come along, be proud.
Just to keep you posted, if that's OK.
I'm not sure if I'll make it.
Yeah, great.
Cool.
Yeah.
I've got to get back to the team.
The team needs the magic.
They're calling for their wizard.
Shit! I'm gonna have to tell him ASAP.
Look at him.
(Indistinct shouting) He's in too deep.
Yeah.
(Indistinct shouting continues) So, we recommend that you arrive in London with at least $8,000 in the bank.
That is for set-up and living costs.
Alright.
Let's move on to filling out the working-visa forms now, shall we? (Sighs) Hey, Josh, do you have anything to eat? I'm starving.
Jessie, listen up.
This is important.
Maybe just a mint? Can we just get a bit of quiet up the back there? Sure.
Josh, keep it down.
You're making it very hard for her.
(Mobile phone rings) Sorry.
No-one actually said I had to turn it off though.
No, because it's just basic manners really.
OK.
We should pop a sign up.
That'll solve that problem.
So, Josh, it says here that you've worked full time.
Yep.
That's great.
We should have no problem getting you a job in London at all.
Oh! And you have a British passport too.
You lucky bugger.
No visa worries for you.
(Chuckles) I didn't know you had that.
I've never needed to look before.
Well, what can I do? Well, it says here that you joined a recruitment firm.
Could they write you a reference? Probably not.
OK.
Well, another really popular avenue is becoming a nanny.
Oh, no.
I'm shit with kids.
Jess, think about it.
We've already bought the tickets.
Jess, there's a lot of really good money to be made in child care if you're in the right circle.
Just get a written reference from any family that you've babysat for.
We'll hook you up with a nanny agency.
You'll be fine.
Well, could I babysit celebrities' kids? Like Jude Law.
He lives in London.
I don't know about that.
No, no, that's the spirit.
You could wind up living with Madonna.
I prefer Jude Law.
Jude Law it is.
He slept with his last nanny.
(Birds chirping) OK.
So, I've got a plan.
Now, we leave in five weeks, but if we pool our wages, live really cheaply, we should be able to save $8,000 by the time we go.
Really? I don't think waitressing is gonna cut it.
I'm gonna have to hatch a plan.
Do you know with the exchange rate, we lose a third of our money soon as we touch down.
Yeah, I do, and that's why we have to organise jobs before we go.
Then, as soon as we land, we start earning the pound.
We just use London as our base, and we travel out from there.
Well, so much for not being driven by money anymore.
No, we're not.
This time we're saving for something we want.
See, look at this.
You see running with the bulls? I'm gonna do that, you know.
I know you will.
I'll probably outrun the bastards.
JESS: Yeah.
No, I've had lots of experience.
Yeah, specially with newborns.
Alright.
That sounds great.
I can't wait to meet your little bundle of joy.
See you then.
Another babysitting job? Yeah.
That's the third today.
I can't keep up with them.
But I think this is how we're gonna hit our target.
Working mums are desperate for a break, and for a price, they're gonna get it.
This is a change for you, isn't it? No scheme or grand plan.
Just good, old-fashioned babysitting.
Here you go.
No.
I can't keep eating carbs.
I'm gonna get the Heathrow injection before I've even landed.
I know, but it's the cheapest food.
Is it? How dare you! Jessie, what are you doing? I'm sorry! That was so inappropriate.
It's the cigarettes.
Ever since we can't afford them, I can't keep hold of my emotions.
Jessie, you're doing so well.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
(Sobs) Really? Yeah, you're doing great.
Fuck, you're so sweet to me, Josh.
You take good care of me.
I don't deserve it.
I'm a monster.
No, you're not.
OK.
I know you've all come here today on the pretence of an exciting, new career opportunity.
I've already done my research on all of you.
I know you're all very popular babysitters in all the right areas.
Now, what you also are, is young, and with youth comes ignorance and a lack of business knowledge.
So what I'm launching here today .
.
is an elite babysitting agency, and I'm offering you the exclusive chance to become part of it for a very small 60% fee.
OK, I know what you're thinking - why do I get some of your money? Well, not only am I going to set you up with top-of-the-line families, I'm on call 24/7 as an emergency hotline.
What if a kid swallows a bottle of pills? I'll talk you through it.
The dad gets fresh - I am personally gonna come and pick you up.
You are paying for security, you are getting professionalism and you're definitely gonna get the rewards financially.
I can tell you're all sold.
So what we'll do is we're gonna get your names, your head shots, measurements, and we'll get you on the books.
Well, just call me if you have any problems.
I'm here for you.
Alright.
Good girl.
Speak to you after.
Ready for board-game Saturday? No, you're on your own tonight, mate.
I'm babysitting.
And I've got three of my girls out on the circuit.
So you better get ready for that thermometer to bust through the roof, 'cause I'm gonna be making three times the amount I would have by myself.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
I'll need it.
I've invited Billy around.
I'm gonna tell him the news of our trip.
Oh.
I thought babysitting would be the most unromantic setting possible.
Doesn't seem like a date.
Aw! It's pretty sweet, premeditated of you.
No.
I just think that it's best that I'm going away.
He's way too nice to me.
I don't deserve it.
He deserves to be with a sweet girl.
Jess, sweet girls are boring.
Yeah, they are.
True, but I don't need a boyfriend, Josh.
I'm all good.
I've got you.
You know all my flaws, love me anyway and I can sleep with whoever I want.
True.
(Doorbell rings) Jess, is it? Yes.
Jess.
Here to babysit.
Great.
Come on in.
OK.
Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm in a huge rush.
That's OK.
This is Miles and Mika.
Yep.
They've had their dinner.
Bedtime is strictly eight o'clock.
No snacks.
It doesn't matter what they say.
They won't sleep otherwise.
OK.
No snacks.
Oh, he's a bedwetter.
OK? Right.
But otherwise that's it.
So, have fun.
OK.
Alright.
Love you, kids.
Bye, Mum.
See ya, Mum.
Love you, kids.
Love you, kids.
Would you like to play a game with me? Yeah, sure.
I love games.
Nice beach house, Cynthia.
Did you get this from the divorce? Let's trash the place.
He owes you.
Right? Yep.
And it's not that you just slept with my boyfriend, it's that you didn't even have the guts to say it to my face.
£ I'm out with all my girls at the nightclub £ Shaking my hair like I just don't care.
£ How many Cosmopolitans did you have at dinner? Um I think you have a drinking problem.
Every time I see you, you've got a glass of wine in your hand.
I shouldn't have let you get behind the wheel.
Now Cindy's dead! What do you want to be when you grow up? Yeah.
Don't worry about it too much, you know? (Sighs) Just enjoy being young, you know? I think I might go to bed now.
Come on, Miles.
Let's go to bed.
OK.
Tell your mum how much fun you had with me, OK? OK.
OK.
See you, guys.
Bye.
(Knocking) Hey.
Hi.
I'm Billy.
The agency sent me.
(Chuckles) Come in.
How's it going? Pretty good.
Turns out I'm amazing with kids.
Really? Yeah.
I am.
Didn't have you pegged as the babysitter-club type.
Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah.
But still, the house hasn't burnt down.
Hey, sorry I haven't returned any of your calls.
I ran out of credit, so I just couldn't Oh, really? Mm-hmm.
That old chestnut.
Ouch.
It's actually the truth this time.
If you want to check, I'll get my phone.
It's OK.
It's alright.
I believe you.
I would've got it.
(Sighs) Anyway, so the guys at the footy club, they're having a field day giving me shit about you being my girlfriend and Really? Yeah, it's stupid.
That's stupid.
That is really stupid.
'Really stupid' is probably a bit harsh I reckon.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I know, Jess.
I know you don't do commitment.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just If I could just be honest for ten seconds only Um you know, I'm charming, I'm smart, always there for you.
I built Barbie a house with my bare hands.
She's loving it.
Yep.
I could do the same for you.
I know.
I know and this is all true, and you raise some valid points.
But The reason I wanted to talk to you is that Josh and I have actually decided to go overseas.
Oh, really? Great.
We're gonna work and travel over there.
So it could be a month, or it could be a year.
Really? When Wow! Yeah, that's cool.
Fuck! I think the mum's home.
I didn't tell her that you were gonna be here.
It's not alright.
What? Jess? Why didn't you tell her? I thought it would be creepy having a guy here.
Really? Can you go into a room and jump out the window? Jump out the window? Yeah.
Sorry.
That'd be great.
But there's bushes out there.
Yeah.
You'll make it work.
(Clattering) Oh! Hey.
Hi.
How did it all go? Great.
Really good.
The kids are both asleep.
Have been for ages.
You're a natural.
Yeah.
Everything alright? Yeah, everything's fine.
Alright.
Cool.
I'll just grab you some cash.
OK.
Is it in there? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Alright.
Give me a sec.
Maybe you don't even need to pay me.
Don't be stupid, no.
(Screams indistinctly) BILLY: That's my face! Oh, fuck! Look, I'm really sorry.
He wasn't going through your knickers.
I thought there was a peeping Tom at your window.
You've got no idea, do you? This is so completely unacceptable.
I was sort of being a hero.
Yeah.
I don't wanna hear.
Get out of my house.
You have good accuracy.
Thank you for that.
Excellent.
Lovely having you.
You don't have to pay me.
I'll waive my fee.
Oh! That's rich.
Get out.
Thanks.
Bye.
Your kid pissed on the rug, so it's not like you're perfect! Do you think you'll still get a reference? Nah.
Which is such a shame, you know? The kids loved me.
The mum focused on the one negative thing that happened all night.
What about the other girls? Can you still run the agency? No.
Looks like I pissed off the queen bee.
She squealed to all the mothers in the area.
Now warning posters of my face litter schools and kinders.
I had to let the girls go.
If they're linked with me, they'll never work again.
On a brighter note I heard from the London recruitment agency.
They found me a job.
Really? What? Promotional modelling.
Wow! (Chuckles) Josh! I know.
That's amazing.
(Sighs) Promotional modelling in London.
Very glamorous.
Oh, yeah.
(Knocking) I'll get that.
Hang on.
Oh, hello.
Hi.
How you going? Oh, shit! Look at your eye! I know, I know.
I kind of like it actually.
It makes me think I'm in fight club.
Yep.
Well, girls love bad boys.
Yeah.
Thinking of keeping it going, like refreshing it every night.
I could help.
I could just poke.
I reckon that's alright.
You've probably done enough to help me achieve that look.
Yeah.
Would you want to come in? No, I can't, I can't.
I just came to drop off a bit of travel stuff.
Skin-coloured money belt.
Yep.
Thieves don't know about the colourfast thing.
And also the Lonely Planet for for London.
Oh, great.
I've highlighted a few bits and pieces I think you'll love.
That's really nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I think it's great that you're going.
I think you're gonna love it.
Yeah.
Well, I'll walk you out.
Yeah, great.
Great.
Saddle up.
Hoo-yah! Sorry again about this whole attack.
That's alright.
I've been telling people it happened with nunchucks.
Not a high-heel.
Gives me a really good story.
Well, I'm still around for a couple more weeks.
So if you want to hang out, you know where I am.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Definitely.
Cool.
Snake bite.
Snake bite.
Khhh! Alright.
See ya, Jess.
See ya.
Hi, Jessie.
Hey.
We just brought you some dinner.
Heard you guys weren't eating on your savings plan.
Great.
Josh has got me eating just bread.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Smells like something's died in those bins.
Well, it probably has, Nick.
Fuck! Well, no-one's going anywhere, not now that my bloody working visa's been denied.
Did they say why? I'm a suspicious candidate, Josh.
They're scared I'm not gonna come back.
I've got nowhere to stay over there, I've got no job, I've got no return date, bad credit rating and a criminal record.
I mean, this is a stitch up.
Yeah.
They've stamped it all over my passport.
If I stay longer than a month, they're gonna kick me out.
Well, I've already leased the house out.
I quit my job.
Alright, Josh.
Just go without me, then.
That's right.
I mean, you've got the passport, you got the job.
You may as well go.
Just go by yourself.
Nick, we're here to show our support, not get involved.
Exactly.
Jessie, this happens all the time.
Really? Yeah.
I was lucky that I had Nick.
As soon as we got married, I could work overseas straight away.
Oh.
Nick, remember when we went away for a year and half? You don't get the passport, but you get the spousal visa straight away.
(Chuckles) Fi, no-one cares.
Why not? Well (Chuckles) Josh.
Josh.
I think I found a way to make this all OK again.
No, no, no, no.
Just stop.
Don't even think about it.
Josh? Josh.
I just want to trust those instincts of yours and listen to your heart, and just block out all the noise No, no.
.
.
focusing here on my voice.
What's going on? Are you putting a spell on me? Josh.
Yes? You're my best friend, you're my confidante, you're my pillar of strength.
Will you marry me? (Chuckles) What are you talking about? I'm talking about what Fiona said.
If I'm your wife, I can get this spousal visa thing.
Then we can both live and work in London for as long as we want.
It's perfect.
I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
Joshie, you don't have to do this, mate.
At all.
OK? I know I don't, Nick.
And there's nothing to think about.
My best friend's down on one knee.
She's asking for a favour.
I say yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! (Giggles excitedly) (Screams) We're going to London! We're getting engaged! We're going to London! Yes! Josh is getting married, Dad.
I'm just so fucking happy that you're finally doing something positive.
Anita! ANITA: Jess! I'm dropping off invitations to my wedding.
Oh, my God! What? Fucking wedding! (Squeals) What is going on here? Josh and I are biting at each other's throats.
Just got to remember why you're doing it.
Why are you doing it again? For the visa, for the presents and to make Josh's dad proud of him.
£ Love has come at last £ Throw your sorrows in the past £ Dancing in the rain £ Two feet in the sand £ We're still finding Peter Pan £ To make things stay the same £ Run into the wind, into the waves £ Under the water we will stay £ Oh, another sun Another sea £ Closed Captions by CSI
Back away from the defence.
This will be your office.
Oh, wow! Nick, I quit.
Saw Billy do the walk of shame this morning.
Can't two friends who used to be more than friends sleep together and it not be a big deal, Josh? It's not a big deal.
If romantic comedies have taught me anything, things always gets a bit more complicated than that.
Josh.
Jess.
Yeah, had a bit of a big night last night.
I lost my wallet.
Ended up miles away from home.
So I had no money for a cab obviously.
I actually remembered I'm still covered under Mum's ambulance insurance thing.
So I faked a seizure.
(Chuckles) I know.
Anyway, I spent the night in a clean bed.
They gave me a little happy gas in the end, which was fantastic.
But I'm checking out now.
So I need you to come pick me up.
I don't even know where the fuck I am.
Yeah, I'll just wait out in the road.
You'll see me.
£ Theme music £ I could never learn to fly £ Jumping out of airplanes £ I find it hard enough to survive £ Without falling from the sky £ I could never find peace that way.
£ I'm a bit nervous.
I haven't seen Nick since I quit the agency.
I'm actually surprised he invited us.
Why don't you just pretend nothing happened? One sort of remembers things like that.
(Gate buzzes) I can't believe they're having a baby.
I know.
It's so adult.
It's so real.
Bet you it wasn't planned.
Jess, Josh.
Welcome.
Hello, Fi.
Welcome.
Now, congratulations.
This is very exciting.
You're gonna make such a great mum.
Oh.
Thanks, Jess.
I hope so.
Joshie.
You made it, mate.
Yeah, of course, Nick.
It's such a big deal.
Congratulations.
Got this for the baby.
Well Thanks, mate.
That's that's nice.
Yeah.
And what's that, Jess? Your present for the baby, is it? Oh, no.
This is to dull the pain of being in your company.
Ah.
OK.
Come on, you two.
Let's try and put everything behind us at least for today.
This is a celebration, and we're family.
She's not.
Oh! Come on, Jess.
Come on.
(Indistinct conversations) Ladies, this is my brother-in-law's housemate Jess.
Just friends? You and Josh aren't together? Oh, no! Just friends.
Still single, then? Yep.
You must be getting clucky though.
What with Fi being pregnant and all? Is marriage and kids something you're after? Oh! Fuck, no! Nope.
Well, you wouldn't want to leave it too much longer.
You don't want to get left on the shelf.
Yeah.
I'm not sitting on any shelf though.
Am I? I'm not gonna wait around to get picked.
I mean, even if I was, I'd just jump off.
OK, Jess.
Let's get you a drink.
Yeah.
I think that's best.
NICK: How's work, mate? MARK: It's good.
Yeah, yeah.
Our profit margin's gone through the roof since we started outsourcing all that stuff from China.
Mark, are you cooking the vegie burgers next to the red meat? It's OK, Bo.
Calm down.
They're miles apart.
I may as well eat a steak.
She can be such a fucking bitch sometimes.
NICK: Seriously, don't worry about it, mate.
Come on.
He never listens to me.
It's OK, Bridie.
Don't let it bother you.
Look, I'm not really good with emotions and things.
I never know what to say.
I might go out and have a cigarette.
Oh! That's exactly what I need.
Can I come and have one? Yeah, sure.
Go for it.
Look, my advice to you, mate - just enjoy your years.
Want one of these? Yeah, I think I need one actually.
Just don't tell Bridie.
I told her I'd quit when we started trying for a baby.
Don't tell Mark about this.
Said I'd quit when we got married.
(Inhales, exhales) We used to be so in love.
Now it's hard to remember why we even like each other.
Shit.
Sounds pretty dark.
Just don't settle down too early.
No.
(Indistinct conversations) Josh, let's just get out of here.
Yeah.
I mean, all I'm hearing about in the kitchen is how much of a prick their husband is, prenatal classes, and how vagina walls get ripped apart during childbirth.
Jesus, Jess! Well, I had to hear about it.
I know.
After this very depressing look into the future, I just need to get out and feel young and reckless again, you know.
I'm gonna get my bag.
(Club music plays) There you go.
Have a good night.
Thank you.
(Both chuckle) Oh.
(Speaks indistinctly) (Laughs) (Laughs) (Crash!) (Chuckles) This is what we're good at.
What? Just having fun.
I hate it when things get serious.
I know, I know.
I'm sick of being so safe.
Oh.
I've got to trust my own instincts.
That's it, Josh.
You should.
'Cause I'm telling you there's nothing stopping us from We can go eat 50 mangoes right now, if you wanted to.
I'll just go to the market and take them.
Let's do it.
Or we could live in a tree house.
I always wanted that.
Become out-of-work actors.
They just sit at cafes and drink coffee and read scripts all day.
Let's do that.
What we should do is open a bar.
Let's do that.
Or go overseas.
Hang on.
That's it.
That's it.
Open a bar? No.
We should go overseas.
That's what our 20s are for.
Let's just go.
Let's go now.
I'm ready to go.
Jess, we haven't even slept yet.
Doesn't matter.
You want to trust your instincts - this is it.
This was your instinct.
Or we could just stay here, do the same sorts of jobs, bumping into all the same boring people.
We'll get angry and bored and depressed, and we'll probably dual suicide to escape the dull pain.
How about that? Well, then do it now, before you've got wrinkles and a mortgage, and red wine-stained teeth.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let go! Let's run away! Alright.
So your deposit's secure, and the balance left on your tickets is just $2,345 each.
That includes all your insurances and taxes.
What the fuck have you got us into, Josh? Oh, it's alright.
Look, a lot of people freak out when it all becomes real.
Here is a brochure for a free information night that we run.
It gives you tips on how to prepare, budgeting, UK work visas, getting a job abroad all that stuff.
Well, congratulations.
You are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime.
BILLY: Here you go, mate.
Nathan.
Mate, isn't your girlfriend coming down since she What? .
.
popping down to have a bit of a squiz? She's not my girlfriend, mate.
She's not my girlfriend.
It's kind of heading in that direction, but I don't want to jinx it just yet.
But, you know, if she's That's right, if she wants to go, that's hard to tell.
One of those girls that's really difficult to tell what's going on.
But I certainly wouldn't mind her going.
Calm down.
(Laughs) He's keen on her.
Just calm down.
I'm not keen, I'm alright.
I'm very calm, I'm very calm.
How's that ladyboy from the footy trip.
Still keep in touch with him? (Indistinct shouting) (Shouting continues) Come on.
Oh, shit! Here he comes.
How's it going there? Hey.
Didn't think you guys would show, it being an early Sunday morning.
It's not a church.
(Chuckles) I didn't want to miss the opportunity to see you in your shortie short shorts.
Oh, yeah.
Drink it in.
Check it out.
Well, don't expect too much of a game, 'cause we're at the bottom of the ladder.
We'll be there forever.
That's OK.
I'm attracted to losers anyway.
Great.
That's very lucky for me.
Yeah.
(Sighs) You guys haven't slept yet, have you? Not yet, no.
I'm picking up on that.
Yeah.
Well, you know, if you guys are still off tonight, you should come to the party.
I'm probably going to get a medal for all the stuff I do here today.
Mark of the year and that kinda stuff.
Come along, be proud.
Just to keep you posted, if that's OK.
I'm not sure if I'll make it.
Yeah, great.
Cool.
Yeah.
I've got to get back to the team.
The team needs the magic.
They're calling for their wizard.
Shit! I'm gonna have to tell him ASAP.
Look at him.
(Indistinct shouting) He's in too deep.
Yeah.
(Indistinct shouting continues) So, we recommend that you arrive in London with at least $8,000 in the bank.
That is for set-up and living costs.
Alright.
Let's move on to filling out the working-visa forms now, shall we? (Sighs) Hey, Josh, do you have anything to eat? I'm starving.
Jessie, listen up.
This is important.
Maybe just a mint? Can we just get a bit of quiet up the back there? Sure.
Josh, keep it down.
You're making it very hard for her.
(Mobile phone rings) Sorry.
No-one actually said I had to turn it off though.
No, because it's just basic manners really.
OK.
We should pop a sign up.
That'll solve that problem.
So, Josh, it says here that you've worked full time.
Yep.
That's great.
We should have no problem getting you a job in London at all.
Oh! And you have a British passport too.
You lucky bugger.
No visa worries for you.
(Chuckles) I didn't know you had that.
I've never needed to look before.
Well, what can I do? Well, it says here that you joined a recruitment firm.
Could they write you a reference? Probably not.
OK.
Well, another really popular avenue is becoming a nanny.
Oh, no.
I'm shit with kids.
Jess, think about it.
We've already bought the tickets.
Jess, there's a lot of really good money to be made in child care if you're in the right circle.
Just get a written reference from any family that you've babysat for.
We'll hook you up with a nanny agency.
You'll be fine.
Well, could I babysit celebrities' kids? Like Jude Law.
He lives in London.
I don't know about that.
No, no, that's the spirit.
You could wind up living with Madonna.
I prefer Jude Law.
Jude Law it is.
He slept with his last nanny.
(Birds chirping) OK.
So, I've got a plan.
Now, we leave in five weeks, but if we pool our wages, live really cheaply, we should be able to save $8,000 by the time we go.
Really? I don't think waitressing is gonna cut it.
I'm gonna have to hatch a plan.
Do you know with the exchange rate, we lose a third of our money soon as we touch down.
Yeah, I do, and that's why we have to organise jobs before we go.
Then, as soon as we land, we start earning the pound.
We just use London as our base, and we travel out from there.
Well, so much for not being driven by money anymore.
No, we're not.
This time we're saving for something we want.
See, look at this.
You see running with the bulls? I'm gonna do that, you know.
I know you will.
I'll probably outrun the bastards.
JESS: Yeah.
No, I've had lots of experience.
Yeah, specially with newborns.
Alright.
That sounds great.
I can't wait to meet your little bundle of joy.
See you then.
Another babysitting job? Yeah.
That's the third today.
I can't keep up with them.
But I think this is how we're gonna hit our target.
Working mums are desperate for a break, and for a price, they're gonna get it.
This is a change for you, isn't it? No scheme or grand plan.
Just good, old-fashioned babysitting.
Here you go.
No.
I can't keep eating carbs.
I'm gonna get the Heathrow injection before I've even landed.
I know, but it's the cheapest food.
Is it? How dare you! Jessie, what are you doing? I'm sorry! That was so inappropriate.
It's the cigarettes.
Ever since we can't afford them, I can't keep hold of my emotions.
Jessie, you're doing so well.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
(Sobs) Really? Yeah, you're doing great.
Fuck, you're so sweet to me, Josh.
You take good care of me.
I don't deserve it.
I'm a monster.
No, you're not.
OK.
I know you've all come here today on the pretence of an exciting, new career opportunity.
I've already done my research on all of you.
I know you're all very popular babysitters in all the right areas.
Now, what you also are, is young, and with youth comes ignorance and a lack of business knowledge.
So what I'm launching here today .
.
is an elite babysitting agency, and I'm offering you the exclusive chance to become part of it for a very small 60% fee.
OK, I know what you're thinking - why do I get some of your money? Well, not only am I going to set you up with top-of-the-line families, I'm on call 24/7 as an emergency hotline.
What if a kid swallows a bottle of pills? I'll talk you through it.
The dad gets fresh - I am personally gonna come and pick you up.
You are paying for security, you are getting professionalism and you're definitely gonna get the rewards financially.
I can tell you're all sold.
So what we'll do is we're gonna get your names, your head shots, measurements, and we'll get you on the books.
Well, just call me if you have any problems.
I'm here for you.
Alright.
Good girl.
Speak to you after.
Ready for board-game Saturday? No, you're on your own tonight, mate.
I'm babysitting.
And I've got three of my girls out on the circuit.
So you better get ready for that thermometer to bust through the roof, 'cause I'm gonna be making three times the amount I would have by myself.
Well, good luck.
Thank you.
I'll need it.
I've invited Billy around.
I'm gonna tell him the news of our trip.
Oh.
I thought babysitting would be the most unromantic setting possible.
Doesn't seem like a date.
Aw! It's pretty sweet, premeditated of you.
No.
I just think that it's best that I'm going away.
He's way too nice to me.
I don't deserve it.
He deserves to be with a sweet girl.
Jess, sweet girls are boring.
Yeah, they are.
True, but I don't need a boyfriend, Josh.
I'm all good.
I've got you.
You know all my flaws, love me anyway and I can sleep with whoever I want.
True.
(Doorbell rings) Jess, is it? Yes.
Jess.
Here to babysit.
Great.
Come on in.
OK.
Look, I'm really sorry, but I'm in a huge rush.
That's OK.
This is Miles and Mika.
Yep.
They've had their dinner.
Bedtime is strictly eight o'clock.
No snacks.
It doesn't matter what they say.
They won't sleep otherwise.
OK.
No snacks.
Oh, he's a bedwetter.
OK? Right.
But otherwise that's it.
So, have fun.
OK.
Alright.
Love you, kids.
Bye, Mum.
See ya, Mum.
Love you, kids.
Love you, kids.
Would you like to play a game with me? Yeah, sure.
I love games.
Nice beach house, Cynthia.
Did you get this from the divorce? Let's trash the place.
He owes you.
Right? Yep.
And it's not that you just slept with my boyfriend, it's that you didn't even have the guts to say it to my face.
£ I'm out with all my girls at the nightclub £ Shaking my hair like I just don't care.
£ How many Cosmopolitans did you have at dinner? Um I think you have a drinking problem.
Every time I see you, you've got a glass of wine in your hand.
I shouldn't have let you get behind the wheel.
Now Cindy's dead! What do you want to be when you grow up? Yeah.
Don't worry about it too much, you know? (Sighs) Just enjoy being young, you know? I think I might go to bed now.
Come on, Miles.
Let's go to bed.
OK.
Tell your mum how much fun you had with me, OK? OK.
OK.
See you, guys.
Bye.
(Knocking) Hey.
Hi.
I'm Billy.
The agency sent me.
(Chuckles) Come in.
How's it going? Pretty good.
Turns out I'm amazing with kids.
Really? Yeah.
I am.
Didn't have you pegged as the babysitter-club type.
Well, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah.
But still, the house hasn't burnt down.
Hey, sorry I haven't returned any of your calls.
I ran out of credit, so I just couldn't Oh, really? Mm-hmm.
That old chestnut.
Ouch.
It's actually the truth this time.
If you want to check, I'll get my phone.
It's OK.
It's alright.
I believe you.
I would've got it.
(Sighs) Anyway, so the guys at the footy club, they're having a field day giving me shit about you being my girlfriend and Really? Yeah, it's stupid.
That's stupid.
That is really stupid.
'Really stupid' is probably a bit harsh I reckon.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I know, Jess.
I know you don't do commitment.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm just If I could just be honest for ten seconds only Um you know, I'm charming, I'm smart, always there for you.
I built Barbie a house with my bare hands.
She's loving it.
Yep.
I could do the same for you.
I know.
I know and this is all true, and you raise some valid points.
But The reason I wanted to talk to you is that Josh and I have actually decided to go overseas.
Oh, really? Great.
We're gonna work and travel over there.
So it could be a month, or it could be a year.
Really? When Wow! Yeah, that's cool.
Fuck! I think the mum's home.
I didn't tell her that you were gonna be here.
It's not alright.
What? Jess? Why didn't you tell her? I thought it would be creepy having a guy here.
Really? Can you go into a room and jump out the window? Jump out the window? Yeah.
Sorry.
That'd be great.
But there's bushes out there.
Yeah.
You'll make it work.
(Clattering) Oh! Hey.
Hi.
How did it all go? Great.
Really good.
The kids are both asleep.
Have been for ages.
You're a natural.
Yeah.
Everything alright? Yeah, everything's fine.
Alright.
Cool.
I'll just grab you some cash.
OK.
Is it in there? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Alright.
Give me a sec.
Maybe you don't even need to pay me.
Don't be stupid, no.
(Screams indistinctly) BILLY: That's my face! Oh, fuck! Look, I'm really sorry.
He wasn't going through your knickers.
I thought there was a peeping Tom at your window.
You've got no idea, do you? This is so completely unacceptable.
I was sort of being a hero.
Yeah.
I don't wanna hear.
Get out of my house.
You have good accuracy.
Thank you for that.
Excellent.
Lovely having you.
You don't have to pay me.
I'll waive my fee.
Oh! That's rich.
Get out.
Thanks.
Bye.
Your kid pissed on the rug, so it's not like you're perfect! Do you think you'll still get a reference? Nah.
Which is such a shame, you know? The kids loved me.
The mum focused on the one negative thing that happened all night.
What about the other girls? Can you still run the agency? No.
Looks like I pissed off the queen bee.
She squealed to all the mothers in the area.
Now warning posters of my face litter schools and kinders.
I had to let the girls go.
If they're linked with me, they'll never work again.
On a brighter note I heard from the London recruitment agency.
They found me a job.
Really? What? Promotional modelling.
Wow! (Chuckles) Josh! I know.
That's amazing.
(Sighs) Promotional modelling in London.
Very glamorous.
Oh, yeah.
(Knocking) I'll get that.
Hang on.
Oh, hello.
Hi.
How you going? Oh, shit! Look at your eye! I know, I know.
I kind of like it actually.
It makes me think I'm in fight club.
Yep.
Well, girls love bad boys.
Yeah.
Thinking of keeping it going, like refreshing it every night.
I could help.
I could just poke.
I reckon that's alright.
You've probably done enough to help me achieve that look.
Yeah.
Would you want to come in? No, I can't, I can't.
I just came to drop off a bit of travel stuff.
Skin-coloured money belt.
Yep.
Thieves don't know about the colourfast thing.
And also the Lonely Planet for for London.
Oh, great.
I've highlighted a few bits and pieces I think you'll love.
That's really nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I think it's great that you're going.
I think you're gonna love it.
Yeah.
Well, I'll walk you out.
Yeah, great.
Great.
Saddle up.
Hoo-yah! Sorry again about this whole attack.
That's alright.
I've been telling people it happened with nunchucks.
Not a high-heel.
Gives me a really good story.
Well, I'm still around for a couple more weeks.
So if you want to hang out, you know where I am.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Definitely.
Cool.
Snake bite.
Snake bite.
Khhh! Alright.
See ya, Jess.
See ya.
Hi, Jessie.
Hey.
We just brought you some dinner.
Heard you guys weren't eating on your savings plan.
Great.
Josh has got me eating just bread.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Smells like something's died in those bins.
Well, it probably has, Nick.
Fuck! Well, no-one's going anywhere, not now that my bloody working visa's been denied.
Did they say why? I'm a suspicious candidate, Josh.
They're scared I'm not gonna come back.
I've got nowhere to stay over there, I've got no job, I've got no return date, bad credit rating and a criminal record.
I mean, this is a stitch up.
Yeah.
They've stamped it all over my passport.
If I stay longer than a month, they're gonna kick me out.
Well, I've already leased the house out.
I quit my job.
Alright, Josh.
Just go without me, then.
That's right.
I mean, you've got the passport, you got the job.
You may as well go.
Just go by yourself.
Nick, we're here to show our support, not get involved.
Exactly.
Jessie, this happens all the time.
Really? Yeah.
I was lucky that I had Nick.
As soon as we got married, I could work overseas straight away.
Oh.
Nick, remember when we went away for a year and half? You don't get the passport, but you get the spousal visa straight away.
(Chuckles) Fi, no-one cares.
Why not? Well (Chuckles) Josh.
Josh.
I think I found a way to make this all OK again.
No, no, no, no.
Just stop.
Don't even think about it.
Josh? Josh.
I just want to trust those instincts of yours and listen to your heart, and just block out all the noise No, no.
.
.
focusing here on my voice.
What's going on? Are you putting a spell on me? Josh.
Yes? You're my best friend, you're my confidante, you're my pillar of strength.
Will you marry me? (Chuckles) What are you talking about? I'm talking about what Fiona said.
If I'm your wife, I can get this spousal visa thing.
Then we can both live and work in London for as long as we want.
It's perfect.
I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
Joshie, you don't have to do this, mate.
At all.
OK? I know I don't, Nick.
And there's nothing to think about.
My best friend's down on one knee.
She's asking for a favour.
I say yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! (Giggles excitedly) (Screams) We're going to London! We're getting engaged! We're going to London! Yes! Josh is getting married, Dad.
I'm just so fucking happy that you're finally doing something positive.
Anita! ANITA: Jess! I'm dropping off invitations to my wedding.
Oh, my God! What? Fucking wedding! (Squeals) What is going on here? Josh and I are biting at each other's throats.
Just got to remember why you're doing it.
Why are you doing it again? For the visa, for the presents and to make Josh's dad proud of him.
£ Love has come at last £ Throw your sorrows in the past £ Dancing in the rain £ Two feet in the sand £ We're still finding Peter Pan £ To make things stay the same £ Run into the wind, into the waves £ Under the water we will stay £ Oh, another sun Another sea £ Closed Captions by CSI