Two Weeks to Live (2020) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Jay, what you doing?
Stay where you are.
Sorry, sweetheart,
who are you?
Oh, you're handsome,
aren't you?
Fuck it.
Cheers, mate.
Wait, where are the police?
See, they wanted me to plant
a tracker on you guys
but I knew they were
full of shit, so,
I stuck it in Mrs. D's
fish instead.
No harm done.
You have two minutes
to explain.
And it better be good.
Okay.
Kim.
There is this TV show
called Crystal Maze.
And at the end,
all the players,
they have to stand
in this big fucking
crystal dome thing
-Right.
-Oi, just give him a chance!
And they they blow all these
bits of silver
and gold shit into your face
but the trick is you only
have to catch
the gold ones to win.
If you catch the silver ones,
you lose.
Okay, you can kill him.
Wait, wait, wait, okay.
I went to the police because
since, uh, Dad died,
I've just been fucking lost
in the crystal wind.
Shit blowing in my face,
and the only person who can
help me separate
the gold from the silver
is that kid standing
right there.
Look, man, my loyalties
are to Nicky and Beth.
And he wasn't exactly gonna
save himself, was he?
Because, well,
love makes you do
stupid shit.
Whoa, there, horsey!
Sorry. Permission
to hop on board.
Um You do know I don't
Yeah! That would be
No, I mean, I think you're nice
and everything.
- I think you're nice.
- Oh, thanks.
I just mean in the same way
that I think that
that candle is nice.
-Yeah, that's a lovely candle.
-It looks nice
-Yeah. Scented, actually.
-It smells nice.
-Like pinecones.
-Cones.
Wow.
I bottled it, okay?
And I'm sorry.
But when I realized
what they were up to,
I unbottled it.
And out flew the devil.
Just like Pandora.
- And her little wooden box.
- Hey, hey, hey!
-No, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky!
-Tina, please,
please, please!
Beth, babe,
you are a lifesaver.
- I thought we had an agreement.
- Brooks.
Whoa, what the fuck
do they want with Beth?
Hello, Alan.
Well, look what the cat
dragged in.
What do you want?
I've got a cat, actually.
Yeah.
Always bringing dead birds in.
Heads cut off, guts all over
the fucking kitchen floor.
Apparently, it's supposed
to be a gift.
Always thought that was quite
a bold choice on his behalf,
you know what I mean?
You've got your money
and your fall guy.
Why are we even having
this conversation?
No. Because your little pal
let the cat out of the bag.
Terri now knows that Ian
did not kill Jimmy,
and the money is nowhere
to be seen.
You kept the money?
Oh, my God.
So, now I need you
to bring me a little gift.
Otherwise it won't be me
calling you next time.
And Terri is a lot more vicious
than her dad ever was.
Okay.
Meet me at Carl's Caff
in a couple of hours.
I'll send you the location.
You'll get your money
and your dead little bird.
I appreciate that, Jo.
I really do.
Why are they at
Beth's house? Is she okay?
I told you to give that
money back, didn't I?
Now's your chance.
Go and get it.
We're leaving.
He'll be here soon.
Make sure Jay's ready
with the money. Over.
Roger that, Mum.
And for the record I'm still
super angry with you.
Roger that, Kim.
Permission to deal with it later?
Over and out.
Okay, please don't ask
for my permission
and then say "out" before
I've had the chance
to answer.
- It's really annoying.
- Copy that.
Completely understood.
Over and out.
You just spoke right over me.
You do realize that?
Radios comms only, please,
Kimmy. Thank you. Out.
You sure about this, bro?
They were at Beth's house, man.
I've got to do this.
But then we've seriously
got to start talking
about the business.
Get that shit up and running,
you get me?
Shit. Hold this.
Please say "out" at the end of your messages.
Out.
Out.
Are you all right?
What the fuck is going on Jay?
I find half a million pounds
in cash,
then two police detectives
with guns are in our house
going through our stuff.
I'm trying to make it right,
okay?
I was just trying to
Look, I know
you don't wanna spend
the rest of your life
with the geezer off
the fish counter.
I get that.
What are you on about?
You know I don't care about that.
Look, I got plans for
me and you.
That's all I'm saying.
I don't need plans, Jay,
I need my boyfriend
to be honest with me.
Oh, you want to talk to me
about honesty?
All right, if we're being
honest, then Beth,
and you really don't care
about my job and all that,
then marry me.
What?
Yeah. Serious. Marry me.
Jesus. Jay, I
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Babe, please, just listen
to me for a minute
All right, forget it.
I have to go.
Jay!
Come here, man.
Okay,
this is the place.
All right.
So, when he comes out
Could you
Could you just stop doing that?
Let me do all the talking.
We need the money
and him in the car.
- Thompson!
- Sorry.
God.
'Cause I hate it when places
only serve dishonest,
foreign food.
Yeah, like halloumi.
It's like stop
pretending to be chicken,
you cheesy bastard.
Who's that?
-Fit.
-Here we go.
Get in the car, sweetheart.
I thought this was a bag drop.
Well, we're not exactly
gonna do it out here
in the open, are we?
Do you know what
I mean, like, that's my line
of argument.
Listen, this is the same
conundrum, yeah,
that I have with tomatoes.
Oh, my God, don't get me
started on tomatoes.
It's like, you're not a fruit,
are you?
If you were, you'd be delicious
and fruity.
Like, don't go around
and be like,
"I'm not a vegetable."
Yeah, do know what, listen,
fuck tomatoes, innit?
Fuck tomatoes!
Would you two please
shut the fuck
Where's Kim?
Oh, shit.
There's cameras on the cafe.
If you get in the car,
we'll go somewhere quiet.
While we're
still young.
Whenever you're ready.
I'll drive. You shoot.
-What do you want us to do?
-Oh, I don't know,
maybe just take care of staying
the fuck out of my face.
I'd really appreciate it.
Oi!
Are you with them bastards?
Get out of
the fucking way!
Not until I know
what's going on.
-Move!
-Or what?
What's going on?
They were gonna kill you.
Could you not see that?
Take this.
Shit!
Fuck this!
Fuck my life!
Kim, take mine.
- What are you doing?
- -I'm gonna ask them to stop.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
Shit!
Shoot the bloody tires!
I'm trying.
Hold it steady.
Magazine!
Watch my windscreen.
Watch my fucking
windscreen.
Shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit!
Fuck! Fuck it!
We should find somewhere
to camp.
It'll be dark soon
and it's still a long
drive to the cabin.
Who says we're going back
to the cabin?
It's just somewhere safe
to lie low
and make a plan, okay?
Even you'd agree with that.
Wouldn't you, dick wallet?
Dick wallet?
- What's a dick wallet?
- -Right, that's decided, then.
We'll camp tonight and we will
leave for the cabin
at first light.
Seriously,
what's a dick wallet?
I think she means
some sort of
dystopian future
-in which money no longer
means anything.
-Right.
-And the only currency is
-Yeah.
for some unknown reason,
the severed peni
of your fallen enemies.
Right, which you would carry
around in some kind of
bespoke, leather-bound
-Dick wallet. Exactly.
-Right.
Yeah, I mean, cool.
But I think it would be
more of a purse.
You have to tell him,
you know?
About the business.
Yeah, I could tell him
or I could just change
all my life plans
and start
a landscaping business
to avoid having
that conversation.
Okay, I'll tell him.
I just need you to tell me
exactly what to say,
word for word.
It's easy. You just
look him in the eye
and you say,
"Jay, you're my brother
and you know
-how much I love you"
-You know how much
I love you and care for you
and I know this is a really
hard time for you, but
I can't start a business
with you, bro.
I've been offered an internship
in London.
I'm really sorry, man.
What do I know about
landscaping? Huh?
With my hay fever,
it would be terrible.
Compost gives me a rash.
I'm more of an indoor person.
-I just think
-Just, just
I get it.
You've got to do
what's best for you.
Don't feel bad
about that, yeah?
Thanks, man.
Hey, at least the money
is on its way home now, eh?
He's right, you know?
When this is all over
you should do
whatever you want.
Just don't undervalue
what we have.
That's all I ask.
Okay! I'm gonna go and get
some more firewood.
Nicky, you coming?
You're sure
you're okay?
I'm fine, kid.
Go on. Go with Kim.
Go on, go on.
Beth's pregnant.
And she didn't tell me.
I mean,
why would she?
I mean, what am I really gonna
offer her and a baby?
That business was
the only chance
I had, man.
Do me a favor.
Close your eyes, Jay.
Now just imagine it's
You, and Beth and the baby,
and you're in a cabin
in the woods.
There's nothing else.
No pressures.
No expectations.
No TV.
No money.
Nothing.
Just let that all melt away.
Shit
I'll leave that
with you, champ.
Yeah,
all right, boss.
We'll let you know.
That was Terri.
She's sending reinforcements.
She said if we don't find them
then she'll take
one of us instead.
I used to be a good copper,
you know?
Life was a lot less
complicated.
We're gonna find this mob.
And when we do,
we're gonna tell Terri that
the money just
disappeared.
And then we're gonna split it
50-50, I swear.
If she finds out,
she'll kill us both.
I gave my whole life
to Terri and her dad,
if I'm gonna die alone,
I'd rather it was with
an eight ball of coke
in a beach rental in Malibu.
We understand each other?
Fifty-fifty.
And you have to promise
to stop being such
a grumpy prick.
I think I can manage that.
Thank you.
Now fuck off.
That was amazing!
I can't believe I just
said what I thought,
and saying what I thought
made the situation
ten times better.
I don't get it.
Isn't that what people
just do all of the time?
No. Nobody does.
Well, how do you ever tell
anyone what you want?
By dropping subtle hints
and sighing loudly
if they get it wrong.
Right. So if I wanted
to kiss you now,
how would I go about it,
in your world?
You could spend
six or seven months
beating around the bush
and then, just, drink
half a bottle of vodka
and then
I'd like to kiss you now.
Please.
My way's better.
See?
Wow.
That's number 16 well and truly
crossed off the old list, eh?
You read my book?
I'd say more like browsed.
Leafed, really.
Dipped my toe in and thought,
"Oh, God, the water's cold
in there. I'm out!"
Say something?
You see, you can't trust him.
Kim? Kim?
Nice one, dipshit.
It's so obvious
you want to take us
back to the cabin
so you can try and push Kim
into staying there.
Oh, really?
Well, what about you?
You think you're so smart,
don't you?
You really think Kim's
gonna choose you over
her own mother?
Why don't you ask her?
- Are you crying?
- No, I'm not crying!
Looks like we might
get our little bird
after all.
Where are those reinforcements?
Any minute now.
All right, then.