Unhitched s01e05 Episode Script
Yorkshire Terrier sucked into the internet
Oh,my god! I love this song! Very catchy! I'm so glad tommy introduced us! Yes! I'm gonna have a very big talk with him about that! You're not dancing! Know what would be even more fun? Mosh pit! No mosh pit.
All right,that's enough! I'm a little too big for this.
I've lost a loafer! Watch that thumb,pal! Oh,thank god.
These--nyah! Oh,a wise guy.
Come on! Thank you.
Proudly Presents UNhitched Season 1 Episode 5 gator,what the hell were you doing there in the first place? I'm single man now,danny boy.
That means I either sit home alone,or I get thrown into a mosh pit and tasered.
Maybe we should hold off on tennis saturday.
I was worried about kicking your ass before you got hurt.
Please,I could take you in a wheelchair.
Then you'd have to tell everybody you lost to a cripple! Hey,hB.
So,how's the assistant search coming? Rolling right along.
I mean,it's going.
Actually,most of the candidates are kinda la-- were you about to say "lame?" Sure was.
Sure was.
How hot is this chick? She's married two weeks,and she's steppin' out with the best man.
What is it with you and this cheaters show? I love the bad girls.
They're like regular girls,except more.
bad.
Tommy,I couldn't get you out of jury duty.
Aw,man.
Did you tell them I had adult A.
D.
D.
? No,because you don'T.
I want a banana.
Hey,what'cha doing? Looking at assistant resumes.
It was time for my last one to spread her wings and steal a fax machine.
You know what? You should let me do this.
I'm a really good judge of character.
I'm a perfectly good judge of character.
No,you're not.
Case in point,you think you are.
Look,here's your man,darren haley.
Solid education.
Oh,look,I'm a genius.
You know how you hate disabled people? I don't hate disabled people,my boss just thinks I do.
Ok,well,he won't if you hire somebody whose activities include "wheelchair basketball,wheelchair tennis,and paralympics.
" I might be going out on a limb here, but I think this guy's in a wheelchair.
Or,he just likes to compete with an unfair advantage.
Hey,guys,what's the haps? Hey,look at you,all spiffy.
Hey,just the guy I was looking for.
My friend,this came in the mail.
Take a look.
Internet dating? I don't think it's for me.
Freddy,when you are you going to move on from doreep? She moved on.
Right back to india.
- Ok.
No,I don't think- - why not? Let me see,let me see,let me see.
"Are you single?" Are you kidding? Are you tired of being alone? Pooped.
Are you bored by an endless string of meaningless one-night stands? In theory.
Come on,man.
This is perfect for you.
You gotta do that.
Gotta do it,man.
Yeah,you know what? You're right,you guys.
You're absolutely right.
Doreep,she's in the past.
That's the little man.
I am going to go for this.
Now all I need is a picture for my profile,and before I know it.
results may vary.
Right here.
Nice and natural.
Great.
Thank you,darren,that'll be all for now.
Thank you again for the opportunity,mr.
Gately.
And I just want to say,even though I'm in a wheelchair, please don't treat me any differently than you would treat anyone else.
I appreciate that,darren.
Welcome aboard.
Oh,and,darren,a little thing, but if you could be here in the future at 9:00 instead of 9:30.
Absolutely.
Will do.
Ok.
I mean,I'll try.
It's just,the hydraulic lifts on those buses can be pretty unpredictable.
You know,some mornings it's like,zip,I'm right up.
But other mornings,it's like zzz-zzz-zzz- zzz-zzz.
oh,I see.
Because the machine,uh-huh.
Ok,all right.
I guess maybe you could just leave earlier.
Good call.
I'm on that.
Of course,it might be a little tricky if I've been up all night with the phantom pain.
well,9:00 or 9:30.
As long as there's a 9 in it.
You're the boss.
At least we got a murder trial,huh? Sweet.
Tommy,you are a miracle worker.
Oh,shoot.
Ok.
Special someone.
I'm coming to rescue you.
Oh,no.
I'm going to die alone.
Darren,would you come in here for a minute,please? Coming! Uh,hang on.
I got to put on my gloves.
Oh,dropped one.
Uh,ok,hold on.
Ok,got it.
Yeah,boss? Would you mind grabbing me the ackerman file,please? Oh,you mean from the file cabinet out there where I just rolled in from? If that's not too much trouble.
Piece of cake.
Oh,this is going to take a little while.
It's all the way up in the top drawer.
You know what? I can get that myself.
That's all right.
No,no,it's ok.
I'm getting it.
I'm getting there.
abel,abraham,acker.
field,uh.
ackerman! Oh,my god! Are you ok? No,no,no.
I can do it,I can do it.
Please! Let me help.
Don't patronize me.
It's just a filing cabinet.
It's not even full.
anymore.
Just,please-- just go about your business.
Just let me do my job.
Leave me alone.
No,thank you.
Let me know if you find the ackerman file.
Found it! And the state will prove,beyond any reasonable doubt, that on the night of june 10,this woman flew into a rage, grabbed a butcher knife,and proceeded to stab her husband 31 times.
Technical support.
Can I help you? Oh,yes,hello.
I need some assistance.
My computer has frozen up.
Can you look on your screen and tell me what you see? Yes.
I see a picture of me as a fireman, and a box that says "system error.
What operating system are you in? Oh,I don't know,actually.
My ex-wife,she took care of everything for me.
She wore all the pants in the family,including the technology pants.
I understand.
My ex-husband was completely inept with computers.
Oh,he was such a pumpkin head.
Doreep? Freddy? I'm here to see gator.
We're having lunch.
You must be kate.
Yes,I am.
He's finishing a meeting.
He said he'll meet you in the courtyard.
Ok.
Oh,and you must be darren.
I saw your resume.
I'm actually the one who told gator to hire you.
Really? Oh,thank you.
I guess I'm lucky my boss has such a nice girlfriend.
No,he's not my boyfriend.
Well,does your boyfriend mind you having lunch with gator? I don't have a boyfriend.
Husband? No.
Jeez,I get it.
You're single.
Message received.
So,how's your uncle abhichandra? He's good.
Good.
Yeah? And your uncle gary? How's he doing? Well,he's no uncle abhichandra.
Oh,no.
That's very true.
Ok,look at your screen and tell me what you see.
Ok.
It says the virus has been deleted.
Well,that takes care of that.
Good.
Thank you,doreep.
This has been most helpful.
It was nice to catch up,freddy.
Yeah.
Um,actually,you know,now that I have you.
actually,I've been having some problems coordinating my outfits.
You know,I'm only supposed to help with technical support.
Technically,I need your support coordinating my outfits.
Look down at your clothes and tell me what you see.
Then,of course,there's the overwhelming preponderance of evidence against the defendant.
I give you people's exhibit "A.
I give you people's exhibit "A.
So,you're welcome.
Darren? I just met him.
He's great.
Yes,a great,big passive-aggressive ass.
What do you mean? I like him.
And I think he likes me.
In fact,he's taking me to dinner tonight.
Oh,no,no,no,no,no.
You can't go out with him.
He's manipulative,he's rude.
You should've seen him when this filing cabinet fell on him.
He just laid there making these gurgling noises.
Made me look ridiculous.
God,that must've been so hard for you.
Sorry.
Aren't you supposed to be on jury duty? They think I'm in the bathroom.
Kate,in your professional opinion, if a juror becomes romantically entangled with the defendant, would the judge then declare a mistrial, and maybe even release the defendant into my custody? In my professional opinion.
you're an idiot.
Ok.
Thank you.
Can I? I got to.
ok,that's 11 "guilties.
Juror number 12? Yeah.
I'm gonna go with "innocent.
It's an open and shut case.
They have dna evidence,fingerprints, and an eyewitness who saw her yelling at her husband's dead body, "who's a stupid cow now? Ok.
Who here believes in love at first sight? Let's go around.
We're not going around.
Well,I do.
Yesterday,when the defendant and i looked at each other for the first time, it was like a bolt of lightning hit us right here.
That's my heart.
Now this trial is the biggest challenge that our relationship has faced yet.
But with your help, I know 2 crazy love-struck kids.
who might just have a shot.
Now,who's with me? Yeah.
It's ok.
How long willt be for 2? Um,about 45 minutes? You're welcome to wait at the bar.
It's a little crowded for me.
I tell you what,why don't you sit at the bar and I guess that leaves outside on the curb for me.
What? No.
We'll just go somewhere else.
No,that's ok.
Can I get the number of the restaurant? Because the sidewalk is a little steep out there.
And once I get rolling.
you know what,sir? I think we might be able to fit you in.
Only if it's no trouble.
ok.
Take me through it one more time.
You just pick up the bottle and tip it onto the dispenser.
Ok.
Here I go.
Once the bottle goes through the window,then what? Freddy,what did you do? I did exactly what you told me.
So now it's my fault you've got lentils for brains? Right away with the name calling! You know what? You think that you are so much smarter than everybody else.
Well,if you weren't always doing such stupid things.
Oh,this is so typical freddy and doreep.
Yeah.
You relied on me too much,and I resented it too much.
Look,I know this is not healthy for me to need someone so.
But it's tough being single.
By myself,I am as helpless as a baby elephant.
Actually,that's a bad example.
Baby elephants are quite resourceful.
Freddy,do you remember our first date, when you cooked dinner for me? Yes,I do.
It was delicious,and you made it all by yourself.
Yes.
I made quite the mean aloo gobi,didn't I? See,you did not have me taking care of you yet, but you were perfectly fine.
You don't need me,freddy.
You're right,doreep.
You're absolutely right.
Of course I am.
Now just go and take care of yourself.
Speaking of taking care of myself.
might I ask what it is you are wearing? Freddy! You know this call may be monitored for quality assurance.
Oh,sorry.
We're actually out of the fish special.
That's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Obviously.
I'll just have a burger.
Sorry,again.
Can I offer you another round of drinks,on us? Oh-- that would be great.
Thank you.
So,here we are.
Uh,I don't think so.
Sorry.
For a second,I was having such a nice time, I forgot I was on a pity date.
What? It's ok.
I know the rules.
The crippled guy gets dinner,and maybe a kiss on the cheek.
I don't want your hand on my thigh because I barely know you.
And you know what? Enough.
Enough with the passive-aggressive wheelchair thing.
What? You know what I'm talking about.
I can't walk.
Pity me.
Give me free stuff.
Let me cop a feel.
You can manipulate other people all you want, but you are not going to manipulate me.
You're right.
I do pull a lot of crap on people.
And I hate myself for it.
I guess deep down,I'm just angry about how things turned out for mE.
And this is just my way of trying to deal with it.
But I'm sorry for the way I behaved.
You know,you seem like a really great person,and you deserve better.
Well,thank you.
That's nice to hear.
Look,is there any way you could give me a second chance? Let's just start over.
I'm kate.
Nice to meet you.
I'm rodrigo.
Well,as long as we're starting over,why can't I be rodrigo? Ok.
I'm gonna stick with kate.
Has the jury reached a verdict? Yes,your honor.
We find the defendant.
guilty as charged.
The sentencing hearing will be forthcoming.
Case closed.
Call me.
guys,check this out.
Look.
I already have 6 potential matches.
And one of them is a lifeguard.
She's unbelievable.
Hey,guys.
How was your big date with darren? Did he take you out for a cup of guilt,woe is mes? No.
It turns out you were wrong,and I was right.
He is a really nice guy.
Come on.
You're joking.
No,he's actually right outside waiting for me.
I just need some help getting him into my apartment.
Have you tried offering him sex? He's coming over for a cup of coffee.
And I thought it would be fitting if gator helped carry him up.
Ok.
Fine.
I was wrong.
I admit it.
I'll put on my shoes.
I'll put on my pants.
When did that happen? They're coming right down.
Hey,I'm really glad you gave me another chance.
So am I.
You son of a bitch! How could you do this to me? What's going on? Back off,slut! Whoa,the cheaters guy! You love that show.
Darren haley,we have video surveillance of you cheating on your wife with several different women.
I didn't see that on his resume.
Yeah.
Wheelchair basketball game,my ass! Are you aware that he's married? Married? What the hell is going-- ok,ok,all right.
Just bust the guy in the wheelchair.
Excuse me,mr.
Greco, I got to tell you,I'm a big fan of your work.
Hey,thanks.
Guys,we've got a runner! I'm going to kill you! Ok,well,maybe not the best guy.
I'm sorry,who was it you said that he was? I can't quite recall.
Proudly Presents
All right,that's enough! I'm a little too big for this.
I've lost a loafer! Watch that thumb,pal! Oh,thank god.
These--nyah! Oh,a wise guy.
Come on! Thank you.
Proudly Presents UNhitched Season 1 Episode 5 gator,what the hell were you doing there in the first place? I'm single man now,danny boy.
That means I either sit home alone,or I get thrown into a mosh pit and tasered.
Maybe we should hold off on tennis saturday.
I was worried about kicking your ass before you got hurt.
Please,I could take you in a wheelchair.
Then you'd have to tell everybody you lost to a cripple! Hey,hB.
So,how's the assistant search coming? Rolling right along.
I mean,it's going.
Actually,most of the candidates are kinda la-- were you about to say "lame?" Sure was.
Sure was.
How hot is this chick? She's married two weeks,and she's steppin' out with the best man.
What is it with you and this cheaters show? I love the bad girls.
They're like regular girls,except more.
bad.
Tommy,I couldn't get you out of jury duty.
Aw,man.
Did you tell them I had adult A.
D.
D.
? No,because you don'T.
I want a banana.
Hey,what'cha doing? Looking at assistant resumes.
It was time for my last one to spread her wings and steal a fax machine.
You know what? You should let me do this.
I'm a really good judge of character.
I'm a perfectly good judge of character.
No,you're not.
Case in point,you think you are.
Look,here's your man,darren haley.
Solid education.
Oh,look,I'm a genius.
You know how you hate disabled people? I don't hate disabled people,my boss just thinks I do.
Ok,well,he won't if you hire somebody whose activities include "wheelchair basketball,wheelchair tennis,and paralympics.
" I might be going out on a limb here, but I think this guy's in a wheelchair.
Or,he just likes to compete with an unfair advantage.
Hey,guys,what's the haps? Hey,look at you,all spiffy.
Hey,just the guy I was looking for.
My friend,this came in the mail.
Take a look.
Internet dating? I don't think it's for me.
Freddy,when you are you going to move on from doreep? She moved on.
Right back to india.
- Ok.
No,I don't think- - why not? Let me see,let me see,let me see.
"Are you single?" Are you kidding? Are you tired of being alone? Pooped.
Are you bored by an endless string of meaningless one-night stands? In theory.
Come on,man.
This is perfect for you.
You gotta do that.
Gotta do it,man.
Yeah,you know what? You're right,you guys.
You're absolutely right.
Doreep,she's in the past.
That's the little man.
I am going to go for this.
Now all I need is a picture for my profile,and before I know it.
results may vary.
Right here.
Nice and natural.
Great.
Thank you,darren,that'll be all for now.
Thank you again for the opportunity,mr.
Gately.
And I just want to say,even though I'm in a wheelchair, please don't treat me any differently than you would treat anyone else.
I appreciate that,darren.
Welcome aboard.
Oh,and,darren,a little thing, but if you could be here in the future at 9:00 instead of 9:30.
Absolutely.
Will do.
Ok.
I mean,I'll try.
It's just,the hydraulic lifts on those buses can be pretty unpredictable.
You know,some mornings it's like,zip,I'm right up.
But other mornings,it's like zzz-zzz-zzz- zzz-zzz.
oh,I see.
Because the machine,uh-huh.
Ok,all right.
I guess maybe you could just leave earlier.
Good call.
I'm on that.
Of course,it might be a little tricky if I've been up all night with the phantom pain.
well,9:00 or 9:30.
As long as there's a 9 in it.
You're the boss.
At least we got a murder trial,huh? Sweet.
Tommy,you are a miracle worker.
Oh,shoot.
Ok.
Special someone.
I'm coming to rescue you.
Oh,no.
I'm going to die alone.
Darren,would you come in here for a minute,please? Coming! Uh,hang on.
I got to put on my gloves.
Oh,dropped one.
Uh,ok,hold on.
Ok,got it.
Yeah,boss? Would you mind grabbing me the ackerman file,please? Oh,you mean from the file cabinet out there where I just rolled in from? If that's not too much trouble.
Piece of cake.
Oh,this is going to take a little while.
It's all the way up in the top drawer.
You know what? I can get that myself.
That's all right.
No,no,it's ok.
I'm getting it.
I'm getting there.
abel,abraham,acker.
field,uh.
ackerman! Oh,my god! Are you ok? No,no,no.
I can do it,I can do it.
Please! Let me help.
Don't patronize me.
It's just a filing cabinet.
It's not even full.
anymore.
Just,please-- just go about your business.
Just let me do my job.
Leave me alone.
No,thank you.
Let me know if you find the ackerman file.
Found it! And the state will prove,beyond any reasonable doubt, that on the night of june 10,this woman flew into a rage, grabbed a butcher knife,and proceeded to stab her husband 31 times.
Technical support.
Can I help you? Oh,yes,hello.
I need some assistance.
My computer has frozen up.
Can you look on your screen and tell me what you see? Yes.
I see a picture of me as a fireman, and a box that says "system error.
What operating system are you in? Oh,I don't know,actually.
My ex-wife,she took care of everything for me.
She wore all the pants in the family,including the technology pants.
I understand.
My ex-husband was completely inept with computers.
Oh,he was such a pumpkin head.
Doreep? Freddy? I'm here to see gator.
We're having lunch.
You must be kate.
Yes,I am.
He's finishing a meeting.
He said he'll meet you in the courtyard.
Ok.
Oh,and you must be darren.
I saw your resume.
I'm actually the one who told gator to hire you.
Really? Oh,thank you.
I guess I'm lucky my boss has such a nice girlfriend.
No,he's not my boyfriend.
Well,does your boyfriend mind you having lunch with gator? I don't have a boyfriend.
Husband? No.
Jeez,I get it.
You're single.
Message received.
So,how's your uncle abhichandra? He's good.
Good.
Yeah? And your uncle gary? How's he doing? Well,he's no uncle abhichandra.
Oh,no.
That's very true.
Ok,look at your screen and tell me what you see.
Ok.
It says the virus has been deleted.
Well,that takes care of that.
Good.
Thank you,doreep.
This has been most helpful.
It was nice to catch up,freddy.
Yeah.
Um,actually,you know,now that I have you.
actually,I've been having some problems coordinating my outfits.
You know,I'm only supposed to help with technical support.
Technically,I need your support coordinating my outfits.
Look down at your clothes and tell me what you see.
Then,of course,there's the overwhelming preponderance of evidence against the defendant.
I give you people's exhibit "A.
I give you people's exhibit "A.
So,you're welcome.
Darren? I just met him.
He's great.
Yes,a great,big passive-aggressive ass.
What do you mean? I like him.
And I think he likes me.
In fact,he's taking me to dinner tonight.
Oh,no,no,no,no,no.
You can't go out with him.
He's manipulative,he's rude.
You should've seen him when this filing cabinet fell on him.
He just laid there making these gurgling noises.
Made me look ridiculous.
God,that must've been so hard for you.
Sorry.
Aren't you supposed to be on jury duty? They think I'm in the bathroom.
Kate,in your professional opinion, if a juror becomes romantically entangled with the defendant, would the judge then declare a mistrial, and maybe even release the defendant into my custody? In my professional opinion.
you're an idiot.
Ok.
Thank you.
Can I? I got to.
ok,that's 11 "guilties.
Juror number 12? Yeah.
I'm gonna go with "innocent.
It's an open and shut case.
They have dna evidence,fingerprints, and an eyewitness who saw her yelling at her husband's dead body, "who's a stupid cow now? Ok.
Who here believes in love at first sight? Let's go around.
We're not going around.
Well,I do.
Yesterday,when the defendant and i looked at each other for the first time, it was like a bolt of lightning hit us right here.
That's my heart.
Now this trial is the biggest challenge that our relationship has faced yet.
But with your help, I know 2 crazy love-struck kids.
who might just have a shot.
Now,who's with me? Yeah.
It's ok.
How long willt be for 2? Um,about 45 minutes? You're welcome to wait at the bar.
It's a little crowded for me.
I tell you what,why don't you sit at the bar and I guess that leaves outside on the curb for me.
What? No.
We'll just go somewhere else.
No,that's ok.
Can I get the number of the restaurant? Because the sidewalk is a little steep out there.
And once I get rolling.
you know what,sir? I think we might be able to fit you in.
Only if it's no trouble.
ok.
Take me through it one more time.
You just pick up the bottle and tip it onto the dispenser.
Ok.
Here I go.
Once the bottle goes through the window,then what? Freddy,what did you do? I did exactly what you told me.
So now it's my fault you've got lentils for brains? Right away with the name calling! You know what? You think that you are so much smarter than everybody else.
Well,if you weren't always doing such stupid things.
Oh,this is so typical freddy and doreep.
Yeah.
You relied on me too much,and I resented it too much.
Look,I know this is not healthy for me to need someone so.
But it's tough being single.
By myself,I am as helpless as a baby elephant.
Actually,that's a bad example.
Baby elephants are quite resourceful.
Freddy,do you remember our first date, when you cooked dinner for me? Yes,I do.
It was delicious,and you made it all by yourself.
Yes.
I made quite the mean aloo gobi,didn't I? See,you did not have me taking care of you yet, but you were perfectly fine.
You don't need me,freddy.
You're right,doreep.
You're absolutely right.
Of course I am.
Now just go and take care of yourself.
Speaking of taking care of myself.
might I ask what it is you are wearing? Freddy! You know this call may be monitored for quality assurance.
Oh,sorry.
We're actually out of the fish special.
That's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Obviously.
I'll just have a burger.
Sorry,again.
Can I offer you another round of drinks,on us? Oh-- that would be great.
Thank you.
So,here we are.
Uh,I don't think so.
Sorry.
For a second,I was having such a nice time, I forgot I was on a pity date.
What? It's ok.
I know the rules.
The crippled guy gets dinner,and maybe a kiss on the cheek.
I don't want your hand on my thigh because I barely know you.
And you know what? Enough.
Enough with the passive-aggressive wheelchair thing.
What? You know what I'm talking about.
I can't walk.
Pity me.
Give me free stuff.
Let me cop a feel.
You can manipulate other people all you want, but you are not going to manipulate me.
You're right.
I do pull a lot of crap on people.
And I hate myself for it.
I guess deep down,I'm just angry about how things turned out for mE.
And this is just my way of trying to deal with it.
But I'm sorry for the way I behaved.
You know,you seem like a really great person,and you deserve better.
Well,thank you.
That's nice to hear.
Look,is there any way you could give me a second chance? Let's just start over.
I'm kate.
Nice to meet you.
I'm rodrigo.
Well,as long as we're starting over,why can't I be rodrigo? Ok.
I'm gonna stick with kate.
Has the jury reached a verdict? Yes,your honor.
We find the defendant.
guilty as charged.
The sentencing hearing will be forthcoming.
Case closed.
Call me.
guys,check this out.
Look.
I already have 6 potential matches.
And one of them is a lifeguard.
She's unbelievable.
Hey,guys.
How was your big date with darren? Did he take you out for a cup of guilt,woe is mes? No.
It turns out you were wrong,and I was right.
He is a really nice guy.
Come on.
You're joking.
No,he's actually right outside waiting for me.
I just need some help getting him into my apartment.
Have you tried offering him sex? He's coming over for a cup of coffee.
And I thought it would be fitting if gator helped carry him up.
Ok.
Fine.
I was wrong.
I admit it.
I'll put on my shoes.
I'll put on my pants.
When did that happen? They're coming right down.
Hey,I'm really glad you gave me another chance.
So am I.
You son of a bitch! How could you do this to me? What's going on? Back off,slut! Whoa,the cheaters guy! You love that show.
Darren haley,we have video surveillance of you cheating on your wife with several different women.
I didn't see that on his resume.
Yeah.
Wheelchair basketball game,my ass! Are you aware that he's married? Married? What the hell is going-- ok,ok,all right.
Just bust the guy in the wheelchair.
Excuse me,mr.
Greco, I got to tell you,I'm a big fan of your work.
Hey,thanks.
Guys,we've got a runner! I'm going to kill you! Ok,well,maybe not the best guy.
I'm sorry,who was it you said that he was? I can't quite recall.
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