United States of Al (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1 - Morning.
- Good morning, Mr.
Art.
What ya making? Shir berenj.
Yum! What is it? It is rice pudding.
I am bringing it to all the neighbors so I can get to know them.
Ah, there's nothing to know.
House next to us this way is, uh, Gene Reynolds.
Gene borrowed my drill three years ago, and then claimed he didn't.
One day, I hear him using it, so I bolt over there and he has the stones to tell me it's a different drill, like I don't know the sound of my own drill.
Maybe I will start across the street.
Bob and Jill Munson.
Tell them to mow their lawn.
I was hoping to be friendly with them.
Well, fine, give 'em a big smile and tell 'em to mow their lawn.
I will start with a smile, and take it from there.
All right.
Just be prepared for people to think it's a little weird you showing up on their doorstep with a bowl of rice pudding.
Any pudding really.
It is not weird.
They will like me and they will like my pudding.
I hope you're right.
But just in case, here, wear this.
Oh.
Thank you.
Don't take it off.
Hello, my name is Al.
Hmm.
So, I just wanted to introduce myself.
And share some rice pudding.
- How much? - Uh, how much what? Money for the pudding.
No, no, sir.
It is a gift.
Thanks.
It was lovely to meet you! Hello, little girl.
Would you like some rice pudding? Mom, there's a weirdo at the door! Are you here to fix the TV? Actually, I am your neighbor and my name is Al.
I live in Mr.
Art's house.
Oh, that's so nice.
I brought some rice pudding.
I love rice pudding.
Do you want to come in? I would really like that.
Thank you.
The TV is over there.
- Hello, Mr.
Art.
- Hey.
What are you doing? Taking this old clock apart.
Is it broken? It is now.
I'd ask you how things went out there, but, uh, I think I know.
It was so strange.
I thought everyone would invite me in.
I thought I knew how to fix a clock.
In Afghanistan, when you move into a neighborhood, people bring you food because they want to know who you are, where you come from, what you do.
Nobody here asked me that.
Yeah, sorry, pal.
I knocked on so many doors and the only person who answered was Mrs.
Foster.
Do you know she lives all by herself? Yeah, Bill died three years ago.
Got to remember to send a card.
Her son lives just one town over, but he never visits or calls.
Yeah, he's a jerk.
Used to call me Mr.
Fart.
Like I never heard that before.
Kids are the worst.
It is very sad.
Back home, an old woman would never live by herself.
Oh, morning.
You just coming home? Yeah, I met someone and - you know - We know.
- I don't know.
- You don't want to know.
No, you don't.
Ooh, sheer berenj, huh? Hey, don't worry about Mrs.
Foster.
She's gonna be fine.
We watched a lot of true crime shows.
Now that I think about it, maybe she should not have let me in her house.
I could have been the Tallahassee Strangler.
- Ooh, that was a good episode.
- Mm.
Yeah, I wish I had something I like doing as much as that guy liked strangling.
Is this what my life is going to be like in this country? If I have children, will they abandon me? Oh, not always.
Sometimes they move back into your garage that was going to be your media room, and never leave.
Dad, come on.
This is about Al.
Go on.
Oh, what time is it? 5:30.
Go back to sleep.
Are you praying? Yes.
But I will be very quiet.
Allahu Akbar.
- Well, this is new.
- No, it is not.
I pray all the time.
Al, I lived with you for years, and never saw you pray.
Well, I am praying now.
Why? Oh.
Did you do something bad? Stop interrupting me.
Do you know who interrupts the work of God? The devil.
Oh.
Geez.
Okay.
Fine.
Allahu Akbar.
Are you sure nothing's wrong? Yes.
I just thought maybe I should pray more.
And you couldn't start with the noon prayer? Had to be the crack-of-dawn one? Riley, I don't interrupt you when you search the Web for pornography.
- Don't interrupt me now.
- Hey, I don't search for porn.
I know where it is.
Allahu You know, if this was you, you'd keep bothering me until I told you.
All right, fine.
I am feeling homesick.
And I thought prayer would help.
I get that.
That's how I felt when I was first deployed.
I remember.
But instead of praying, you just complained.
Maybe that's how I pray.
Well, then, you are the most religious man I have ever met.
Amen.
Go back to sleep.
Allahu Put in a good word for me.
I will if you'd just shut up.
Ah, there you are.
Ready to get started? Get started with what? Here.
Put these on.
Why? So we can do a little boxing.
Again, why? We're gonna fire up those endorphins.
It's a sure cure for homesickness.
Come on.
I don't want to fight you.
How about now? No.
- How about now? - Riley, you spilled my tea! Oh, no! What you gonna do about it? - This is a bad idea.
- Why? - Because I will lose! - Oh, with that attitude, you will.
No, with this body, I will.
Fight me, or I'll call your sister names.
Okay, that's it.
Yeah, man, this is my therapy.
When I get mad, I do this.
When I'm sad a little of that.
When I don't know how to feel - A little bit of that.
- Ah.
Fine.
If you insist, I will give it a try.
All right, step into my office.
Mm.
Here we go.
Show me what you got.
Harder.
Harder! I don't want to hurt you.
Oh, you're serious? Now I kind of want to hurt you.
Well, good.
Come on, then, you punk-ass, sad little string bean.
Let's go! There it is.
You know, I never missed Vanessa when I was on patrol.
No room in my head.
Too busy trying to stay alive.
But you missed her when you were on base? Oh, yeah.
That was the worst.
- Now look at you, huh? - Mm.
Sleeping with women you don't love.
Hey, fists not words.
Huh.
If my words hurt you so much, why don't you get Vanessa back? Boop, boop.
You know this.
'Cause she's got a boyfriend.
All right.
Well, what if she didn't? What are you gonna do? Kill him? I'm not trying to talk you out of it.
I'm just curious to know where your head's at.
All right, let us say in a perfect world he is gone.
Would you want her back? - Is she mad at me? - Perfect world.
Is she still trying to get me to go to counseling at the VA? Perfect world.
You went, and now you feel great.
- And our credit cards aren't all - It is a perfect world! Everything is perfect! Perfect world, perfect credit.
Is English your fourth language, too? Then yes, of course I want her back.
I knew it! I am victorious! Therapy's over.
Salaam, brother.
Salaam, Hassina.
So, how's Ohio? Tell me everything.
Oh, Hassina, it is a wonderful place.
But the people seem lonely here.
That's too bad.
On the other hand, there are 28 types of spaghetti sauce.
- Why? - I don't know.
And neither did the manager at the store when I asked him.
Would you do me a favor and point your camera around the house? Ah.
- Are you homesick? - Oh, no.
You know me.
I'm home wherever I go.
You're a bad liar.
How's that? That is good.
Thank you.
I have to go, Awalmir.
But hang in there.
Everything okay? Yes.
I'm just missing home.
What do you miss about it? Oh, boy.
Where do I begin? My brother has songbirds, and their chirping used to wake me up in the morning.
I miss that.
I miss walking by the naan-wayees.
They are these little shops on every corner that make fresh bread topped with poppy seeds, and you can smell it everywhere.
I miss people speaking my language.
I miss sitting on my roof.
Watching the sun set and the mountains in the city slowly becoming giant chandeliers as all the houses turn their lights on.
Huh.
I guess I never thought of it as a nice place.
It is a beautiful country.
One that I will never see again.
You want a hug? Please stop asking me that.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Why did you bring me here? You know I do not drink.
Oh, they serve things other than liquor.
I think.
Hey, Riley.
Oh, my gosh.
It's the terp.
This is Awalmir.
- Al, meet Holly.
- Hey, Al.
I was a C.
S.
on the USS Elrod.
Did two med deployments.
Ah.
So happy to meet you.
- You, too.
- I watched this guy fill out so much paperwork to get you here.
You ever see him try to spell "Afghanistan" after three shots of whiskey? It is ugly.
Hey, in my defense, - it's got Hs where they don't belong.
- Eh.
What would you like? It's on me.
- Um, a-a Coca-Cola, please.
- Yeah.
Aren't you gonna ask me what I want? Oh, I know what you want.
So, you said you were missing a community.
Here's your community.
Korea, Vietnam, Iraq.
Walt over there in the corner was World War II.
Hey, Walt! Tell 'em what you did over there! I killed Hitler.
Hmm.
Maybe he did.
We don't know.
Here you go.
So, how long you been here? - A few weeks.
- Ooh.
Boy.
You must be missing home.
- Leave it alone, - Holly.
No one is talking to you.
I'll write down my number in case you ever need a shoulder to cry on.
Are you kidding me? I've been trying to get that number forever.
And forever is how long you're gonna wait.
- Do not give it to him.
- Oh.
Mmm.
This is good.
When I was a little boy, my parents went to this fancy wedding.
It was so fancy they served Coca-Cola with dinner.
So, my parents they shared one bottle and brought the other home to us.
We all brought our cups, and my father poured us each a little bit.
We took tiny sips, and every time we took a sip, we would put a little water into it to make it last longer.
You know what? I do the same thing to Riley's drinks when he's not looking.
I get it.
You want to keep me here.
Welcome to America, Al.
It'll grow on you.
Hey, Walt.
What was Patton like? Class act all the way.
So, do you think it looks like Afghanistan? Maybe "Half-ghanistan.
" Seems like we got the music right.
Sounds like a banjo, but I'm betting it isn't.
There he is! Salaam.
Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Salaam.
Oh, this This is so wonderful.
Did you know? Yeah.
Why do you think I made you play darts with Walt? Come on, sit down.
I'll go get the food.
All right, come on.
You did not need to do all this.
Yeah, we did.
We want you to feel at home.
Hey, Lizzie, while you're in there, grab a fistful of ibuprofen for my back.
- You made bolani? - I hope so.
It was hard to read that website.
- Dig in.
- Oh, no.
After you.
You are the elder.
Well, your parents did a better job with you than I did with them.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
Mmm.
It is just like my mother's.
Ah, in a way that makes you sad or in the way that makes you happy? Happy.
You're not just saying that, are you? No.
I am so moved that you went to all this trouble just for me.
Thank you.
That makes me happy.
Okay, I got to ask.
If I were to move to Afghanistan and open a store that sold tables, would it be an untapped market, or would I go belly-up? - Mind if I join you? - Of course.
Thank you for making me dinner.
Oh, happy to do it.
Watching my dad get up off the floor was one of the most wonderful things I've ever seen.
Yeah.
I'm feeling much less homesick.
- Oh, that's great.
- Mm.
But I kind of wonder if that's the right word.
What do you mean? When Riley was in Afghanistan, he was homesick, but with any luck, he was gonna come back home.
And I cannot.
I think what you're feeling is more like grief.
Hmm.
How did you know? I have a problem that can't be fixed, too.
You are talking about your fiancé.
I was so heartbroken when I heard Michael died.
He was a good man and had the most beautiful laugh.
Yeah, he did.
He really liked you.
Most people do.
I am very likable.
I don't think this is a good idea.
He was not very welcoming.
Just ring the bell.
I told you I'm not interested.
Robert John Davis, this is a nice young man who just arrived from Afghanistan, and you are going to invite him in and eat his rice pudding.
Yes, ma'am.
We make a good team.
Just don't fill up.
We got a lot of houses left.