Up All Night (2011) s01e05 Episode Script

Amy is gonna be a baby genius.
Yeah, babe, she's only eight months.
You don't think it's a little early for her to be taking classes? Research says, "no.
" Research also says that this baby class is the best baby class in the greater Los Angeles area, so.
All right, well, you're working all the time and taking care of Amy.
When are you doing all this research? Oh, at drive-throughs, at stoplights, during our lovemaking.
- Door? - Ew, gross.
Come on, please do not say, "lovemaking.
" Welcome new grown-up faces And you too, little face.
I hope you came to play.
Welcome.
Talk about sensory overload.
Feel like I'm in Tokyo.
- Peek-a-boo! - Peek-a-boo! - Peek-a-boo! - Okay, Amy's parents.
I know that you're first-timers, but let's talk about the issues with your peek-a-boos.
Well, it's just kind of peeking, then booing.
- Yeah.
- Name kinda says it all, so.
It's more complicated than it sounds.
I studied developmental games when I got my doctorate at Duke University.
Guy's got a PHD in peek-a-boo.
God, he's probably got a master's in got-your-nose, so be careful.
Now let's focus-pocus and talk about your peek-a-boos.
They're a little aggressive.
Demo one for me, Amy's mom.
- Peek-a! - No, no, no.
To me.
Oh, okay.
Peek-a-boo! Okay.
You're really hitting the "boo," which is a scary word.
And what baby wants their parents to terrify them? No baby.
Try this.
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! - See I'm fading back? - That's nice.
That's actually really, really good.
Amy's Dad, why don't you try? Oh, all right, yeah.
Peek-a-boo! Too much masculine energy.
Yeah, I get that quite a Don't worry.
- I-I'll knock that down.
- Now Amy's Mom.
Peek-a-boo! Very good.
Keep practicing.
Getting better.
- Peek-a-boo! - Peek-a-boo! Look at her responding to that.
That is amazing.
We're kind of kicking its butt right now.
Peek-a-boo! I am pleased to announce that the world's foremost transvestite bangles cover band will be performing at 6:30 tonight in the San Fernando Valley.
Ooh, the dangles! Well, they were the dangles.
Now they're manic man-day.
I am telling you, the dude that plays Susanna Hoffs makes Susanna Hoffs look like a dude.
- Men dressed as women? - Mm-hmm.
- No way.
- It's our tradition.
We go every year because we are awesome.
Yup, and you can count me in.
But I can only stay for one drink, all right? 'Cause I wanna make it back for Amy's bedtime.
Oh, okay.
Sure.
One drink.
Ava, I'm serious.
One drink.
"Uno drinko espanolo.
" Of course.
One drink.
I get it.
Ooh.
If I do the pre-interview over the phone, I can actually make it to Amy's class with Mr.
Bob.
- Ha ha! - There it is.
Strong working mother.
Killing it at work? Check.
Kicking being a mom's ass? Check.
Fly, modern woman! Spread your wings, baby girl! All right, grown-ups, on the count of three, we're gonna release the parachute.
One, two, three! Behold! - Isn't he magical? - Oh, my God.
He just has it.
It's like, have you ever seen Bruce Springsteen live? It's just like the same effect.
All right, let's move on down the road and do a little trot, trot to Boston.
Oh, yeah.
Heading down to ol' bean town.
Love that dirty water, you guys.
Don't worry, plenty more where that came from, Jeffrey's mom.
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
Oh! There's my little baby.
Normally, we don't allow latecomers, but for Amy's mom I will make an exception.
- Shoes off! Shoes! - shoes, shoes No, you have to take your shoes off, hon.
Oh, is this not a song about shoes? - No.
- Okay, sorry.
Come here.
You know what? I am so hungry.
Good thing there are chicken nuggets in here.
Oh, my gosh, look at that.
She can't believe she's seeing her mommy.
Yeah.
Wait, what? Let's take a trip to Boston.
trot, trot to Boston trot, trot to Lynn you better watch out, Amy you're gonna grow up to be a star or you'll fall in Okay.
Why is everybody mad? We don't like to teach our children that at any point we might drop them and cause them harm.
Oh.
It's all about lifting them up to be a star.
That's awesome.
Let'sLet's do it.
Let's do it.
Babe, don't worry about it.
I made the same mistake.
- JustTypical aggressive male - Okay.
And that got straightened out by Mr.
B, isn't that right? Sure did, Amy's Dad.
Hey, don't be embarrassed.
It's not easy to be a career mom.
No, it's not, no.
But, uh, I'm managing pretty well.
I get it.
I used to work.
But now I put my new job first, and that job is to be Kayla's mom, the most important profession in the whole world.
Isn't that right, precious pie? "Precious pie.
" That's so stupid.
I love it in your room at night you're the only one who gets through to me Kayla's mom is such a bitch.
Ugh, she's a super-bitch, right? I mean, who is she to judge me? - Ruth bader ginsburg? - Yeah.
I do not know who that is.
Well, you know what? Kayla's mom is gonna know who I am once she hears my new itsy-bitsy spider.
- Word.
- Hoffs! Hoffs! - Another round, Stefano.
- That's not my name.
Yes, we know it's not your name.
But we are calling you "Stefano" because it is fun, and it is sexier.
Oh, you may not know this, but you were my tennis coach, and you were raised on a boat.
And your wife disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
I killed her.
- Oh, my God, I gotta go! - What? - Gotta go.
- No! It's manic man-day nee the dangles, and this is our one night to stay out and be crazy-pants.
Honey, I gotta go be a mom now.
I know it's just a manic Monday, but I can't be up burning the eternal flame.
Don't try to talk to me in bangles titles.
My life's just evolving, okay? We just gotta evolve with it.
This has been an amazing night.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Ciao, stefano.
I feel good in your room let's lock the world out Reagan, have you heard of the Zac Posen? Well, he is my favorite designer, and, yes, I have heard of him.
Why? Well, I am giving a speech at monsieur Zac Posen's charity gala at the soho house, and I'm gonna need some help writing my speech, and the speech writer gets to come with me.
I am so excited.
All right, I'm actually gonna start right now.
Ooh, I was thinking we'd let missy take a crack at it.
Say what? - I-I always write your speeches.
- Yes.
Reagan writes them because she's talented and knows words.
She does know words.
But we're evolving.
You see, Reagan, I was thinking about what you said last night while I was walking like an EgyptianBy myself.
- Mm.
- And we do need to evolve.
Before, we were just little fish creatures dragging our knuckles on the ground That doesn't sound correct.
And now we stand tall and use tools to make fire and wheels.
Okay.
Evolution.
Having my words thrown in my face.
All right, well, good luck with your speech.
I'm not being petulant.
- You don't know me.
- Yes, I do.
Hey, listen, Ava's called, like, a hundred times.
Does she not have your cell phone? No, I'm not talking to her.
God, she is so unfair.
I-I'm a mom now.
I need to be taking care of the baby that is not 30-plus years old.
You have more important things to do.
And the first thing I gotta do is make it rain at tomorrow's baby class.
I don't think you know what that means.
Check this out.
Nursery rhymes, master volume, including related stories, choreography, and very helpful finger puppets.
Finger puppets a-are good.
That's Ooh, speaking of which, in wheels on the bus, instead of going "swish, swish, swish," I think the wipers should go, "stroff, stroff, stroff.
" You know what? Mr.
Bob doesn't really like it a whole lot when parents go off-book, so Yeah, but he doesn't know what I can do.
I do.
And IWe Mr.
Bob and I, we We kinda got a we got a system, and then we just don't need a bunch of rabble-rousers coming in and upsetting the old appleNot you.
Apple cart.
Are you afraid that I'm gonna embarrass you in front of your sensei? What? He's not my I don't have a sensei.
No, no, no.
No.
Sorry.
Still figuring out these windows.
You driving someone to the airport? Oh, Christopher.
You are wild.
No, my driver's actually ill.
A.
K.
A.
"Hangover.
" He has a problem.
Probably shouldn't be a driver.
You are married, young man.
How is Reagan? I gave her some news earlier today that really rocked her world.
I-I just wanna make sure she's okay.
Uh, yeah, she's okay.
I mean, she's kind of obsessing about this gym class thing and Kayla's mom.
Pfft.
Really? Kayla's mom, not--not me? Kayla's mom? No, she just really wants to make a statement.
You know how Reagan is when When she gets her dander up.
You know who else has her dander up? - My dander.
- What? If Reagan is gonna play hardball, so will I.
All the best, Amy.
I love what you've done with your hair.
I am outta here.
Yeah, I-I think you're in neutral.
Ooh! It's already on.
Just hit the gas and - What? Oh.
- That was the trunk.
Why can't I just Why are you pressing so many buttons? - I-I'm confused.
Just go.
- Okay.
You're gonna have to - Just go.
You go.
- Okay.
You'll be fine.
- Oh, God.
- She's not gonna be fine.
Is it this? - Ava.
- Reagan.
How's the speech going? Mind-blowing.
How are you evolving? - My gills are lungs now.
- Mm, that was quick.
- I'm that good.
- Good for you.
Well, I guess if you have everything under control, I'm just gonna get to Amy's baby class.
Oh, they're under control.
It's out of control how under control they are.
Amy.
Amy's dad.
Kayla.
Kayla's mom.
All right.
Let's bust it, huh? the itsy-bitsy spider went up the spout again and then the itsy-bitsy spider gave it another try he built a new home where he could be warm and dry I added a verse.
I just thought that the spider should learn from his mistakes.
Nicely done, Amy's mom.
Kudos! - Kudos! - Wow.
What a smart mommy you have! Missy, how's my speech coming? I thought you said I didn't really have to write it.
I was just a pawn in your emotional chess match with Reagan.
Well, knight 7 to rook 14, missy, because this is checkmate.
- That's not real chess.
- You're writing my speech.
I'm not that familiar with fashion.
Well, don't worry, I'll walk you through it.
Just grab a marker and take notes.
I want to open with an interesting point about Mr.
Zac Posen, followed by light laughter.
Then a deeply personal story, missy's choice.
Here's a list of words to avoid: Moist, ointment, nubbin, vigorous, vigorish, and "at the end of the day.
" So basically the speech should go: Laughter, tears, poignancy, tears, laughter, light laughter, slight tears, laughter into tears, and out.
How's that sound? My God, missy.
I knew that didn't look right.
trot, trot to Boston trot, trot to Lynn you're gonna grow up to be a star O.
M.
G.
Fantastic news.
My ninth niece was just born! Would you mind if I just took a quick break? I've gotta call my brother.
Um, Amy's dad, would you mind taking over the class? - Really? - You can do it.
My God, that would be an honor.
That wouldYes.
Thank you so Hello, grown-ups, sprouts.
I am Mr.
Chris, and I think right now is time For the parachute.
here we go way down low here we go way up high You are really bringing it today.
Yeah, Kayla's mom.
That's right.
And real gentle wrist, guys.
Yeah.
Just really waft it.
Overcompensating a little? Uh, if by overcompensating you mean being the best parent since Clair huxtable, then, yeah.
- That's a fictional character.
- You're a fictional character.
- And here's the magic rainbow! - Oh! Kayla, come back here.
She is so precocious with her crawling.
Is Amy crawling yet? Uh, no, she's not.
But she's got a hell of a scootch.
Kayla's probably more advanced because I'm home and I have more time to work with her, so.
Well, Amy will get there.
She will.
I mean, 'cause I was an athlete in college.
I was a dancer and a gymnast.
Where did you do your workouts, upstairs at the frat house? - Behold! - Excuse me? I'll excuse you right into that pile of foam shapes.
- Oh, really? - Reagan, Kayla's mom, please.
- I think I hear him coming.
- You wanna mess with me? Do you really wanna mess with me? Come on.
- I'm ready to go.
- That's it, Amy's mom.
- Come on! - Amy's mom, you're outta here.
This is your lucky day.
Feel like I let you down.
Just Look, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
God, that speech was incredible.
We had the crowd laughing, then crying.
I was just like Jack Nicholson in that movie "you can't handle the truth.
" Yeah, you took them on a ride.
We make a great team, missy.
To my new speechwriter And I'm just gonna say it New gal-pal.
Gal-pal? What does "hegemony" mean? - Pardon? - "Hegonony.
" It was in the speech.
"Cultural hegemony.
" It's a fashion term.
It means sweaters and whatnot.
- Oh, really? - Mm-hmm.
I suppose you'd swear to that? On your life? And on the life of your beloved cat buttons? - Buttons? - You didn't write that speech.
Reagan wrote it.
But I typed it.
Okay, I didn't type it.
I'm a bad typist.
Reagan wrote my speech? After I was such a lady-bastard? She wanted you to do well.
I never meant to be mean to my best friend.
I just feel her moving on without me and I don't know what to do.
But she went to manic man-day with you.
And she's balancing you, and Amy, and Chris, and Kayla's mom.
But she still found time to write your speech.
She's not moving on.
She's just finding a new way to be there for you.
Missy, you're right.
Thank you for your beautiful insight.
- Get out.
- What? Reagan should be sitting where you are right now.
I adore you, but the sight of you reminds me of my own guilt.
Can you stop the car, please? It's chilly.
Well, I'm not gonna leave you on the side of the road like an animal.
Just get in the front seat.
The front seat smells like pickles.
I had fun tonight.
Behold! You can do it.
You can do it.
Okay, come on.
Come on.
Right and left.
Left and then right.
- Right and then left.
- Hey, Reagan? Huh? Oh, hey.
Are you teaching the baby to crawl? Yeah.
Yeah, I just But she wanted it.
I mean, I was I was, like, "I'll sing you a lullaby.
" And she said, "no, mom, you take a knee, "'cause I need pointers on this crawling and, you know, "it just so happens that I'm I'm above-average, crawl-wise, so.
" Reagan, honey.
Honey, what if Kayla's mom is right? I mean, what if my being a working mom is stunting her development? - Hon, you're being silly.
- No.
She's not crawling now.
So whatIn ten years, she's not gonna graduate from high school.
Because she'll be ten.
And then in 30 years, she won't be buying a home.
AndAnd in 60 years, she won't be She won't be wise.
Babe, Amy is doing awesome, okay? You're there for her 100%.
Plus, I'm home all the time.
And, by the way, not to be a tiger mom, but Amy was the first kid in her class to reach out and SWAT a bubble.
- She was? - Yeah.
- She's a baby genius.
- She is.
Honey, I'm so sorry I got us kicked out of class.
- It's okay, hon.
- No, it's not okay.
I mean, you love that class.
You are so good with the kids and those parents, and You're a natural.
I gotta say, when I'm deep in that ball pit with Amy, I really realize why I was put on this earth.
I'll go talk to Mr.
Bob and humble myself.
He forgives.
He really turned the other cheek with Hudson's dad when he took a call during quiet time.
All right.
I'm gonna leave you guys.
Amy could use a little mommy time.
Hi.
Hey, girl.
Hey, there.
How was Zac Posen? - Not the same without you.
- Oh.
I got you a little something.
A Posen gift bag.
You did! Ooh, a blouse.
Ooh, a sweater.
There'sA shrimp in here.
Oh, I meant to eat that on the way home.
Reagan, I know you wrote the speech.
Missy told you.
I'm sorry I've been so selfish lately.
I know you have a lot on your plate.
Honey, you are still on my plate.
You're just the little part where the dessert goes.
I'll take any little nugget of you I can get, 'cause, girl, I love your buns.
I love your buns, too.
Hey, cuties! I thought you had baby class.
Well, I thought it'd be great for Amy's development to bring her here.
Reagan Brinkley: Strong working mom.
Showing her daughter she can be anything she wants to be.
- That too masculine? - No, that was great.
Come here, you.
Come here, you.
And this is where mama stands during the show.
And that is pictures of you, so no matter how busy I am, I'm always looking at your beaufuful face.
Yeah, the truth.
Chris, honey, thank you.
You know what? If you leave now, you'll still make class.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Thanks, babe.
They're doing drum circle today.
- Thanks.
- Chris? I was doing a bit.
Of course Amy can come too.
- Come on, honey.
- Love you.
Bye, guys.
Bye-bye, mama.
Doin' great.
- Damn it! - Hey.
Hi.
Do you need a hand with that? - Yeah.
Thanks.
- Yeah, I thought so.
I have the same one and itIt gets stuck and so you gotta jostle this little thing here and thenThen you can just pop it.
YouAll right.
You're supposed to jostle it a little bit.
And then you just pop You just pop it.
I don't know why you pop it.
No, I don't understand why it's not popping.
I'll try to help.
- Pop the thing! - Come on! - Come on! - On the side, yeah.
Come on! Just pop the tab.
Just pop the tab.
Oh, my God.
That felt so good.
It did.
What are you doing later, Amy's mom? Wanna get a marg? That would be lovely, Kayla's mom.