Victorious s01e05 Episode Script

The buzzfinger homepage.
Poor Jay Leno.
No, under that.
That's you and Alyssa Vaughn, Together.
No way! That's Beck And Alyssa Vaughn, together.
why are you guys So impressed? 'cause Alyssa Vaughn Is famous.
and hot.
her father's a billionaire.
and hot.
Ah, I didn't mean her father is.
I drank fish pee.
explain this.
she's in my yoga class.
Some paparazzi showed up And took that pic, But we're just friends.
And how did Jade react When she found out You were friends With Alyssa Vaughn? Jade was cool with it.
She threw a rock at me.
yeah, well I'd be careful, 'cause I don't think Jade's the type To be okay with attention! Attention everyone! Stop while I talk.
As you all know, I'm Trina vega.
Now, if you look at the flyers That just landed on you, You'll see that starting This Friday night, I will be performing My own one-woman show Called Trina!, With an exclamation point.
hey! Shut up! it's a play That I wrote myself That will not only Touch your heart, But blow your mind.
Now, if you look at These flyers, you'll see that could you pass those out? Hey, we're not done Talking about this.
I am.
well, I'm not.
listen, Alyssa Vaughn Is just a friend.
yeah, a friend Who's already sent you Six text messages today.
seven.
you don't know that's her.
is it? what's your favorite Tropical fruit? the mango.
And I don't like Your new little relationship With Alyssa Vaughn.
it's a text message.
and what does it say? Maybe, "hi, Beck.
"my daddy just got richer "and I got prettier.
Let's make out.
" okay, let me see If I understand you.
let's see if you do.
because you and I date, I can't be friends With other girls.
you can be friends With ugly girls, But not girls who are Gorgeous socialites, Who text message you A hundred times a day.
you know, you Tori, Tori, can you come here? what? if you were my girlfriend oh, great way to start The question.
Would you be All freaked out That I'm just friends With Alyssa Vaughn? who cares what she thinks? honestly, I wouldn't love it.
I care what she thinks.
how can you say that, You don't even you know, I really don't wanna be In the middle of this.
no, you stay right here.
no.
you don't think a girlfriend Should just trust her boyfriend? no, I do.
get out of here, Tori.
I'd love to.
stay.
all right, you know what? tell me what.
no, no, don't tell him what.
we're done.
Jade.
so, you're breaking up With me? no, no, no, no, no.
She's not.
yeah, I am.
oh, she is.
you're being ridiculous.
what do you care? I'm not your girlfriend anymore.
come see my one-woman show, Friday night.
It starts at 8:00 sharp! whatcha know, fro? ha, he called you fro, 'cause your hair is all silly.
yeah.
hey, you gotta check out This new app I got for my phone.
It lets you do crazy effects When you're shooting video.
cool.
Um, so, you know How I used to write For the school newspaper? I thought They shut the paper down.
they did, but, uh Some of the seniors Started one online, you know, Kinda underground For school news and stuff.
I know, the slap.
the slap dot com.
the dot com was implied.
anyway, so for the slap, I'm the person in charge.
I made your head fat.
Say cheese, fathead.
cheese.
Anyway, for the slap, I'm the person In charge of writing reviews For all the plays Here at school.
yeah? well, I'm so busy.
you're not busy.
And And you're such a good writer, I was thinking, maybe I'm not writing a review For Trina's show.
but what if her play Is awful? what if? Man, you know Her show's gonna bite.
I know.
And if I write a bad review, Trina is going to kill me.
oh, so it's okay If she kills me? she'll have a harder time Killing you.
You're all firm and developed, And I'm still working On the last chapter of puberty.
and he is a slow reader.
I thought Trina's play Opens Friday.
it does, but I'm seeing Her last dress rehearsal, And I don't wanna be The only one in the audience.
so take Rex.
I'm staying home And taking a hot bath.
look man, don't panic yet.
Maybe Trina's play Won't be so bad.
* chicaaaaagooooooo * * chicaaaaagooooooo * * it's a city that's exciting, * * it's a city that's inviting, * * it's a city for a woman * * just like me * * there's a lake * * they call lake michigan * * I think I'm really * * fitting in, * * this city is * * my perfect cup of tea * * chicaaaaagooooo * * chicaaaaagooooo * * chicaaaaagooooo * * chicaaaaagooooo * the doctor says I ain't never gonna walk again, Not even on cructhez.
But I'm gonna Tell you something, "I scared.
I'm a woman, in chicago, Who's scared.
" No.
No.
Stop.
Hey, Jade.
you look a little like a lady Who could use Some lunch buddies.
please.
well, I just thought That you were mad, because of I broke up with Beck.
Okay? I dumped him.
you are amazing.
You know that? is that Alyssa Vaughn? yeah, so? nothing, she's gross.
French fry? gross? Look at her.
Oh, that girl is smoking hot.
I'm serious.
I should shut up.
look, he didn't mean To say that.
I don't care.
If Beck wants to date that, I hope he has tons of fun With it.
what? you're hurting your burrito.
Hello, Robbie.
Hi.
have you been avoiding me? avoid? Um, no, I'm just been here Having some cream Of mushroom soup.
what do you think Of my show last night? your show, I thought it was uh Very you said it stunk.
what did that say? nothing.
Um, he doesn't know What he's saying.
He's on special medication.
I am not on medication.
are you gonna write A good review of my show or not? Trina, see I'm a journalist, And it's my job To write the truth.
And to be candid, I didn't think That your performance was all I'm gonna say this once, So listen.
okay.
I've worked my butt off On that performance, And you're gonna write A good review.
You feel me?! I feel a mushroom in my nose.
Aah.
write a good review Of my show! there it is.
mine! mine! Tori, you messed up my shot.
I don't wanna play anymore.
You get it.
Jade? And now you're in my house.
this kite is broken.
okay? And? I was just walking around, And I saw this kite Stuck in a bush, And it's broken, Someone needs to fix it.
you want me to fix your kite? will you forget About the stupid kite? I'm sorry I brought it up.
I want Beck back.
but you broke up with Beck.
I know, just like When I was seven And I threw away My potato patch pal, But then I realized I wanted him back.
But it was too late, 'cause my mother Already gave it away To some greedy orphans.
Jade, if you wanna get back Together with Beck, Then why don't you Just tell him? I did, but he rejected me.
Not to be mean, But why are you coming to me For help? because I don't want anyone Who's cool to see me like this.
okay, maybe you should Wait, are we friends? We're not even friends.
well, yeah, But if you help me, Maybe I'll like you.
so, if I help you, I get a mean friend And a broken kite.
please, just please, Talk to Beck for me.
okay, okay, okay, I'll talk to Beck.
do it soon.
Ah, I got a little makeup On your pillow.
that's okay.
I'll just ask my grandmother To make me another one, If she ever comes back to life.
Push the button By the door, sweetie.
Okay, thanks.
Who is it?! I know that's you, Beck.
thanks, Consuela.
enter.
so, this is where you live? is that bad? no, it's cool.
It's just, you know, Most high school guys Don't live in a rv Parked in their Parents' driveway.
well, my parents said If I live under their roof, I gotta live by their rules.
ah, so your roof My rules.
so, you're probably wondering Why I'm here.
Like, "hey, Tori's here, Whaddup wid dat?" that's how I talk? no, that's just My generic boy voice.
ah, I like it.
Do more.
okay.
Um, "hey man, why don't you "get back together with Jade? "you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah.
" I should get back together With Jade? why? 'cause she's, you know, Awesome.
guess what? what? I'm glad Jade and I broke up.
why? because I can't remember The last time She did one nice thing for me.
oh, come on, didn't you just Have a birthday? She didn't get you anything For your birthday? she got me a can of lemonade.
'cause he likes lemonade.
yeah, but out of a can? he drank it.
yeah, but do I have a boyfriend Or don't I? do you want one? walk away.
Curly! Hi, Trina.
Is that a new shirt? don't look at my shirt.
I went to theslap.
Com This morning and I didn't see Your review of my show yet.
I know.
when are you posting it? the deadline is flexible, So I'm just Oh, please don't your review Better go up today, And it better make My show sound awesome! still got some work to do.
aw, my canadian sweater! It's not funny.
Trina keeps pressuring me To write a good review Of her terrible play, And I can't lie.
her play was that bad? so bad, it was laughable.
okay, okay.
Then, say it was The funniest play You've ever seen.
oh, what are you Talking about? review it like a comedy.
comedy? that's brilliant.
hey, no charge.
thanks, man.
no, wait, give me 10 bucks.
absolutely not.
are two 10s okay? help me.
I tried.
Maybe you just need To forget about Beck.
What are you doing? And now we're in a closet.
how can Beck Not want me back? I'm so cool, and hot.
I've got it all.
yeah, but guys Don't just care About how cool and hot you are.
well, what else is there? Beck said you haven't done One nice thing for him In two years.
that is so not true.
We've only dated a year And eleven months.
well, maybe He'd take you back If you did something Nice for him.
you mean, like Make him fresh lemonade? if you want Beck back, You're gonna have to think Bigger than beverages.
a dog.
okay, if you're Gonna be rude No.
Beck's always saying How he wants a dog, A rotten-hymer.
a rottweiler? yes, that's what he wants.
Okay, what's our next move? just get the boy a dog! go, go out.
Out now.
Run and then at 10 P.
M.
, When president lincoln Was watching the play At ford's theater, Booth quietly slipped Into lincoln's box, Pulled out a derringer And shouted I'm gonna kill you! no.
man, you better run Before the girl Rex! Trina, I'm teaching a class Right now.
how dare you call My one-woman show a comedy?! I had to follow My conscience! Trina, out of this classroom.
I know where you live.
no, you don't.
We moved last year.
what's your new address?! It's a duplex, we're on top.
got it.
Trina vega's one-woman show Will now begin.
in the beginning, There was nothing, And then, there was woman.
Wow, I can't believe I'm here In the city of chicago.
Why, anything could happen To a woman like me, Here in Chicago.
* chicaaaaagooooooo * * it's a city that's exciting * * it's a city that's inviting * * it's a city for a woman * * just like me * * there's a lake * * they call lake michigan * * I think I'm really * * fitting in * * this city is * * my perfect cup of tea * * chicaaaaagooooooo * Okay, wait one sec.
Beck's asleep.
Give me the dog.
okay.
Oh wait, he has a runny nose.
dogs don't know How to blow their nose.
okay, give me the dog.
Okay, go on, go in there.
Go lick Beck's face, good boy.
Ahh, okay, if this makes Beck Like me again, I'm gonna owe you big time.
you already owe me big time.
what's going on? I don't know.
Beck, Beck.
Are you okay? does he sound okay? Beck! Beck! Get him off me.
that was horrible.
I know.
now, he's never gonna Take me back.
that is not The key issue right now.
well, what are we gonna do? no, not the face, Not the face.
what is going on? get back.
Beck? how can you be out here? you're in there Being mauled by a dog.
a dog? My dad's in there.
your dad? oh, my god.
dad, dad.
Whoa, that's a big dog.
Dad.
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
I'm a woman in chicago, Learning how to walk again, Thanks to doc stevens And my new plastic legs.
Take that, chicago.
You're no match For a woman like me.
From now on, I'm callin' this city She-cago! yes, you're welcome.
You're all welcome.
Yes, it's okay to laugh.
I'm hilarious.
I'll meet you At the hospital.
okay.
we're sorry.
so sorry.
oh, why.
he'll be fine.
thanks.
hey, are you in college yet? bye.
Tori told me To get you a dog.
dude.
okay, it was kind of my idea, But I didn't think The dog would bug out like that.
I just wanted you to have a dog, Because I know you've talked About getting one Ever since I met you, And I thought that maybe You love me again.
who said I stopped? I ruined the moment.
it's cool.
And I really do owe you.
hey, um, it's getting Kinda late, So I was wondering If maybe you could Drive me home? it's not that far a walk.
try not to swallow each other.
All right, check this out From TheSlap.
com.
* not a fantasy * * just remember me * * when I make it shine! * You were off key.
No, I wasn't.
Yeah, you were Totally off key.
But, I mean, who isn't? Okay, there's a lot More stuff like that At TheSlap.
com.
So go there.