We Are Lady Parts (2021) s01e05 Episode Script

1
I had to admit,
it was intoxicating being
in the band.
I mean, just look
at these guys.
Since my breakthrough
at the pub, I was all-in.
We were Lady Parts.
I am alpha and omega ♪
I am Nintendo Sega ♪
I am Babylon, Iraq ♪
I'm Hackney after dark ♪
I'm a woman and
I am a creature ♪
A Madonna and the whore ♪
I'm the zombie queen,
I'll eat your brain ♪
I am the girl next door ♪
I'm a zombie queen ♪
I'll eat your brains ♪
Broken by the empire ♪
Raised by MTV ♪
Misfit of the motherland ♪
Still fish and chips
for tea ♪
Broken by the empire ♪
Raised by MTV ♪
But still it's fish and chips
for tea ♪
I'm the glint in
the milkman's eye ♪
I'm your mama when
you make her cry ♪
Existential, who am I? ♪
Fuck it, let's get high ♪
I float like a
fart in the air ♪
I stink like your dad,
don't care ♪
I'm the POC BAME DOA PTSA ♪
I'm a POC ♪
BAME ♪
DOA PTSA ♪
Broken by the empire,
raised my MTV ♪
But still it's fish and chips
for tea ♪
All right, lads.
I'm off.
- Ooh!
- Oi, oi, oi.
Fuck off.
Over the last few weeks,
Ayesha and Zarina had been
seeing a lot of each other.
And they had the selfies
to prove it.
I've supported the clothing
line since their inception.
"Inception."
Great film.
The way they combine textures
and colours,
it's just, like, ah!
It's hella magnifique.
You are gonna love it.
Fucking love textures.
Despite Ayesha's
frosty exterior,
when she fancied someone,
she had zero chill.
Hey, so are we, you know?
Are we what?
A thing?
I don't know.
Why not?
Things seemed to be
going well for Ayesha.
Oh, my God!
You look really beautiful!
And as for me,
I was successfully juggling
being in the band
while still being there
for Noor.
- Look at her.
- Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
- Noor?
- Noor.
- Wait.
- It's okay.
- Hey.
- Hey, you all right?
Yeah, yeah.
It's just, um,
what if this isn't right?
Listen to me.
You are Noor.
You're a trailblazer,
a trendsetter.
You march to the beat
of your own drum.
- I do?
- Yes.
It looks like
I'd learned something
from all those Saira
pep talks.
You are the strongest,
kindest person I know.
I see how happy
Imran makes you.
He's a sweet boo.
Broken by the empire,
raised by MTV ♪
But still,
it's fish and chips for tea ♪
You guys are amazing.
Literally the best thing ever.
We all had our dreams about
what Zarina's magazine piece
could mean for us.
Why be good enough when you
could be a success ♪
Why be good enough when you
could be the damn best ♪
You're gonna be a success ♪
You're gonna be a success ♪
Why be good enough when you
could be the damn best ♪
When you're different,
you have to represent ♪
Be better than the rest,
better than the rest ♪
Better than the rest,
better than the rest ♪
You're gonna be a success ♪
You're gonna be a success ♪
Why be good enough when you
could be the damn best ♪
When you're different,
you have to represent ♪
Be better than the rest,
better than the rest ♪
Why be good enough when you
could be a success ♪
I've never actually ever been
interviewed before.
Except this one time, for
the "Bacteria Digest Podcast."
Zarina said she wanted to get
under the skin of Lady Parts,
show the world
who we really were.
- Why do I wear a niqab?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, it makes me feel
closer to God,
which is obvs really nice
in these crumbling times.
But also wearing it
makes me feel confident,
like Queen Nefertiti
or Beyoncé.
So your husband's
an artist, too.
Yeah.
Well, he's a poet.
And he runs
these amazing poetry nights.
But by day,
he's a mortgage advisor.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- This is your manifesto.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Um, uh, yeah.
It outlines who we are
and what we stand for.
We're sisters who
pray together, play together,
speaking our truth to whoever
can be arsed to listen.
Amazing.
Yes, okay.
It seemed like Zarina really
got what Lady Parts was about.
Great, great, great, great.
Babe, you're amazing.
Oh, thank you.
But then,
at a certain point
I noticed you haven't
mentioned being in the band
on your Instagram, Facebook,
Twitter, TikTok.
Why?
What are you ashamed of?
I─um─
This is quite
a statement look.
Thank you.
Some people might think
you're doing it
for the attention.
So your husband prefers
that you don't work.
What?
No, no.
So you're choosing
not to work.
Well, yeah.
And is that you trying
to uphold
Traditional Muslim values?
What? No, no.
Traditional values?
Nah.
Fuck that.
I'm just─um, well,
Wasim and I, we, uh─
Luckily, Zarina's tough
questions were no match
for my intellect.
And I'm not ashamed.
I─I laugh in the face
of shame.
Shame is lame.
So you're saying
you have no shame.
What?
You mentioned
external oppressors.
So are you saying
the misogynistic forces
within the Muslim community
are oppressing you?
That's an oversimplification
of what I'm saying.
But it's part of what
you're saying.
Sorry, Zarina,
some of these questions,
they're a bit─I mean,
you're really working an angle.
Oh, hon,
I know what I'm doing.
You don't want this to be
just a puff piece, do you?
- No.
- What was going on?
Was Zarina just being
a thorough journalist?
It was hard to say.
she was Ayesha's girlfriend.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
And Ayesha had fallen hard.
You got kicked out
of the mosque?
Yeah, but it wasn't my fault.
This old lady
was going off on me
'cause my phone went off
during prayers.
Honest mistake.
Could happen to anyone.
It's just that my ringtone was
Slipknot,
and she kept going on saying
how the devil was in me,
and it deffo wasn't.
I was there to pray.
It's just that I forgot
to put my phone on silent.
So I acted in self-defence,
and I told her
to, you know, piss off.
You told an old lady
at the mosque to piss off?
She wasn't that old.
Okay. And where did the band
come into this?
Well, Saira was praying
next to me,
and she heard my phone go off,
and that's when she, you know,
popped the question.
"Will you be in the band?"
I said yeah.
I didn't play drums
at that point.
I learned on the job,
as they say.
Nice, nice, nice.
Okay.
And how does it feel
to be a queer, Muslim woman?
Zarina, you mind
if we don't go there?
Sweetheart.
Think of all the queer kids
who would feel so seen
if you just said
who you really were.
Plus, you're a punk.
Aren't you supposed to not care
what people think?
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's okay, hon.
You are just not there
on your journey.
Gold teeth and a curse
for this town ♪
Were all in my mouth ♪
Only I don't know how ♪
They got out, dear ♪
Turn me back into the pet ♪
I was when we met ♪
I was happier then
with no mindset ♪
What's up, sis?
Happy birthday!
You're looking good.
You good?
Good, good.
I got your "NME."
You're welcome.
Mate, so much has happened.
Got a new guitarist,
who's dope.
Also
Lady Parts are gonna be
in a magazine, too.
Not like the "NME"
or the "Rolling Stone,"
but some online thing.
It's the new shit.
Apparently where it's at
these days.
Wish you were here.
Anywho, as promised,
here we go.
"Hole. The sweet revenge
of Courtney Love.
"Wednesday, the phone rings.
" 'I'm busted.'
" It's Courtney.
She hasn't called
for three years."
Godspeed all the bakers
at dawn ♪
May they all cut
their thumbs ♪
And bleed into their buns ♪
- Knock, bitch.
- I did, bitch.
- You're just deaf.
- What do you want?
Amina, is she seeing anyone?
If you fuck with her heart,
I'll fuck with your face,
understood?
Chill out, you psycho.
I just thought
she might want to hang out.
Interesting development.
Still, if you hurt her
even just a little
I know.
You'll gut me and use my
intestines as a skipping rope.
Bitch, I don't skip.
Still, do you know
what she might like?
No, man. She's into, like,
that white dad music.
Country and western,
rootin' and tootin' shit.
Taz?
Wait, what?
I'm coming.
Zarina's article had dropped
sooner than we thought
You okay?
And we were not ready.
I don't get what
the big deal is.
"The bad girls of Islam"?
Really?
"Haramed and dangerous"?
Zarina,
you've got to change it.
It's funny, it's catchy,
it's playful.
It's just like your music.
But we're not the bad girls
of Islam. You know that.
Yeah, we're thoughtful,
Muslim women of planet Earth.
- There's your headline.
- Wow.
It's just you're making us
out to be some kind of joke.
Mm, "Honour Kill My Sister"
is pretty LOLs.
Listen to this.
"Lady Parts say 'fuck you'
to both their religion
and the west in raucous frenzy
of unskilled guitar music."
Why would we be saying
"fuck you" to our religion?
Also, unskilled guitar music?
What we're trying to say is
you're making us out
to be dickheads.
I don't understand
why you're kicking off.
I respected your wishes.
You asked me not to mention
your sexuality, and I didn't.
Could have, but I didn't.
And can I just ask,
when did I say
"fuck traditional
Muslim values"?
I asked you
if you were trying to uphold
traditional Muslim values,
and you said, "Fuck that."
Yeah,
but there's a difference.
There's a lot
of nuance missing.
Nuance?
Wow. For a punk band,
you guys are seriously uptight.
It's not often we get
any kind of platform,
so you'll understand
we're not thrilled
about being misrepresented.
Okay. Wow.
This is really cute.
But let me explain something.
I have 1.2 million followers
because I understand
how to engage with an audience.
I built that following
from nothing.
You know what?
I don't need this.
I'm gonna go.
You guys are trending,
for God's sake.
You should be thanking me.
Zarina!
What just happened?
We're trending, all right.
Moon in the night sky ♪
How brightly she shines ♪
Blissfully unaware
of the article's release,
I was buried in coursework
and wrestling
with badly-behaved bacteria.
Come on.
This a bad time?
No, it's fine.
What's up?
Just wondering
how you're doing.
How are the microbes
and things?
The microbes and things
are doing really well, thanks.
- Growing up fast.
- They do that, don't they?
Have you finished your
coursework and everything?
Yep. Completed.
Handed in.
Geek.
Did you know there's a
Simon & Garfunkel tribute act
playing next week?
I know.
Bernie and Lars. I love them.
They do a stellar rendition
of "Me and Julio Down
by the Schoolyard."
Love, love.
So gutted I can't go.
- You can't?
- Nope.
I'm behind on my coursework,
the band are writing a bunch
of new songs, which is full-on,
and Noor's wedding prep
is mental.
- Sounds a lot.
- Mm.
Hey, Nora.
Thank you so much.
It's fine.
What do you need help with?
Uh, so─
You're busy.
I should head.
Uh, sorry.
Good to see you.
- As salaam alaikum, Mama.
- Alaikum salaam.
How are you?
Okay.
How's your hip?
You still doing the music?
Yes.
I thought─
I was thinking maybe
I could pop home for a bit?
If it's okay with you.
I totally understand if not.
It's not a good time.
No.
I have guests.
Right. Yeah.
What the fuck?
Hey, hey. Sorry.
Just packing up.
So excited for Gosling Night.
Okay.
Thinking we start
with "La La Land"
for some serious jazz Gosling
in a nice suit,
followed by "First Man"
for that hit of
brooding, astronaut Gosling
we all love, and then we round
things off with "Drive"
for a cheeky bit
of ultraviolent,
salt-of-the-earth Gosling
we just can't resist.
What say you?
What's going on?
- You should sit down, Amina.
- Mm.
Okay?
You are in a punk band?
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
This was not supposed
to happen.
How did they? How did they?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Okay.
Oh, um, yeah.
I mean, it's just a new hobby.
Helps me blow off steam.
I don't know.
It's just a side thing.
- No big deal.
- Oh, no big deal.
Do you have any idea
what you've done?
I'm just the guitarist.
- Look.
- How could you do this to us?
After everything
we've been through?
Us?
What do you─
All the hate we get
as Muslim women.
Mm.
This is actually, like,
betrayal.
Mm.
Betrayal? Wait. Betrayal?
Wait, wait, wait. No, no.
This is wrong. This isn't us.
- Us? Is she for real?
- No, no. This isn't─
if you'd just listen to the
lyrics, the music, it's not─
Oh, I'm sorry,
are you actually
defending this twisted music?
Can't you see
what they've done to you?
- What?
- You've been tricked.
- Led astray.
- It says here that you wrote
a song called
"Bashir with the Good Beard,"
- because you were horny.
- Ugh.
Horny.
I literally cannot even look
at you right now.
You've been lying
this whole time.
- To my face.
- Mm.
My own best friend.
Right before my wedding.
It's like I don't even know
who you are.
How could I have been
so stupid?
Of course they were
going to find out.
Everyone was going
to find out.
What had I done?
What have I done?
Momtaz had called
an emergency band meeting.
I didn't feel I could face it.
But wasn't sure
where else I could go.
- Are you okay?
- You good, sis?
We got worried
when you didn't respond.
- What happened?
- We got snaked.
Where's Saira?
All right, lads.
Sorry I'm late.
Did you see the article?
Yeah.
I saw it.
Are we ready to rehearse?
I've written a song
that I think could really bang.
Saira, we thought maybe
we could talk about
- what happened with the article.
- No. Fuck that. Let's play.
Saira, we think maybe
we should put out a response.
This song will be
our response.
Saira.
I wanna fuck a terrorist ♪
I wanna fuck a terrorist ♪
I wanna fuck a terrorist ♪
I wanna fuck a terrorist ♪
Saira, that's not funny.
Saira, Saira.
Can we just talk?
If they think we're
the naughty girls of Islam,
desperate for attention,
let's give the people
what they want.
I wanna fuck a terrorist ♪
They're sexy
and they're tough ♪
I love how they blow up ♪
- What does that even mean?
- Who cares what it means?
They'll see what
they want to see, right?
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! ♪
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! ♪
I hated Saira.
At that moment,
I just really hated her.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang! ♪
Stop! Stop it!
What's wrong with you?
I'm great.
You seem upset.
People hate the band.
They hate our music.
We're mocking Islam.
We're mocking our own people.
It's wrong.
Don't you understand?
You're wrong.
This is all wrong.
I'm sensing that you think
this is wrong.
I knew it, I knew it.
I felt it when I first
walked in this place.
All of it is wrong.
People hate us.
There you go again.
So obsessed
with what people think.
You need to get over it, mate.
Yeah, yeah,
I do care what people think,
'cause I'm a member
of this society.
I actually live on this planet.
There are consequences
for what we say.
Consequences.
You ever heard of that?
Mm-hmm.
You know what? I think
you like to piss people off
'cause you love
all the attention.
"Oh, there goes
poor, Miss Saira.
So misunderstood."
Noor is right.
Noor.
Ah, Noor.
Why don't you run off, then?
Like a good little lapdog.
Fuck Noor, and fuck you.
No, fuck you.
I quit.
Amina.
Amina, wait.
Saira, we didn't know Zarina
was gonna do that.
Please.
Let's hang out with this
fucking great influencer.
Get all the likes
and all the followers,
and we can be famous, yay.
That was the master plan,
right?
Come on.
That's not fair.
All we had was our integrity,
and it's shot in the head.
We might as well have published
a nude photoshoot
with the caption, "Muslim sluts
want to get dick,"
and saved your influencer
friend the trouble.
Saira.
You're the fucking
band manager!
And you gave all the power
of launching our band
to some internet hack.
I trusted you.
I trusted you!
Saira.
Lay off her.
Your lover girl
really fucked us, didn't she?
You really didn't
see it coming.
All those cute dates
at galleries,
having mochaccinos and selfieing,
and you're telling me you
didn't know she was a snake?
Saira, please.
Hey, hey. Listen. Sis.
We understand you're upset.
The whole Abdullah thing.
So you're going through a lot.
Don't you dare shrink me.
Just inhale for three.
Find your Zen.
You know what?
I think you should find your
Zen, and shove it up your ass.
Okay.
Did you even ever really care
about this band, huh?
How can you even say that?
You know what?
You can all fuck off,
as far as I'm concerned.
Fuck this band!
- Saira.
- Please, just kindly fuck off!