Westside (2018) s01e05 Episode Script
Episode 5
1 [James.]
This is it, dude.
If anybody's gonna pull me back into the fucking drinking scene, it's gonna be some EDM motherfuckers.
[laughter.]
Austin and I have been working together for almost a year.
And essentially, dude, to cut to the chase, I had to have you meet him and I had to have you meet him.
This is Mr.
Kristopher, just so you know.
That's his artist name.
- I love it.
Mr.
Kristopher.
- Some days.
With a "K" too.
That's what I like.
And he's Austin Kolbe with a K-O-L.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- Two Ks.
[Austin.]
Two Ks, baby.
Cheers.
- [Justin.]
Only two.
- [Austin.]
Hit it.
He's had a big year in a way, right? This year, I've released 20-something songs.
Hell, yeah, dude.
[Kristopher.]
I went from chickens and cows in Missouri to Brooklyn and out here.
The third day I was here, I DJed a party in the Hills at this big mansion.
So I was like, "Is this how LA is for everybody?" [laughs.]
- I'm doing great.
- [Suren.]
Yep.
- Life is good.
- Yeah, dude.
The live thing that he's been doing is like fire.
Part of the thing that we've actually The thing that we're resting our, you know, eggs on With the show, it's kind of turning out to be this pop musical thing.
Oh, interesting.
Okay.
Which I fucking hate musicals.
I was almost impressed at the, I guess, lack of songwriting ability within the group.
He's a good songwriter and it's like just dive in I write all my own songs.
It's all in the songwriting.
Dude, it's interesting working with nine different artists and writing for each of their different styles.
[Suren.]
That is a major conduit.
- Heals a lot of people together.
- Whenever I was in bands, it was hard.
- Some people would get crazy over money.
- Yeah.
[Kristopher.]
Some would get crazy over girls.
It was tooÃÂ much drugs, whatever it may be.
And I just slowly went down to just going by myself - and doing everything that way.
- Sweet.
Yeah.
- How many people do you guys have? - Nine.
[Justin.]
That's tough, man.
That's like having nine girlfriends.
[laughter.]
- I'm disappointed in your friend.
- [Alexandra.]
Austin? Yeah.
Everybody is, I think.
I love that dude.
And I think he is a good dude, but he comes off He doesn't know how he comes off sometimes, is the problem We're a unit.
We have a whole thing we have to collaborate on and, if one person is the weak link, it's all going to show for all of us, you know? Because when it's just, like, attitude, bad energy Like, why? [Alexandra.]
We had a conversation last night.
He can feel that people are feeling Feeling a certain way about him.
Me and him have kind of the most tragic life stories.
[Alexandra.]
What you are doing when you get up there and you really, like, just lay it all out on the line is so I commend you for that.
I mean, you've given more to this than pretty much anybody, - I feel like.
- I hate it.
Every single workshop, I've ended up going home, I'veÃÂ ended up crying I hate it.
It literally makes rage in me.
I'm just saying you have really been vulnerable in a lot of ways that, you know, I sure as hell haven't.
I feel like a lot of people are going to feel, like, "Oh, this bitch is trying to get sympathy.
" I hate it.
We have to go back, as songwriters, to places and situations that we don't want to go back.
What's bad for the heart.
.
is good for the art.
- That's like our curse, you know? - Yeah.
We gotta suffer through this shit to make something beautiful.
[Alexandra.]
Yeah.
[photocopier whirring.]
[whirring continues.]
[Sean.]
The next workshop will be the first run-through of the show.
We've been working for weeks and weeks on mining this content and pulling from our lives.
The pressure is on and there's an incredible amount of stakes.
It's time to deliver or we might not have a show.
[car horns honking.]
[siren wailing.]
[Andy.]
I just had the best workout.
Like, I don't think I've worked out since the wedding.
[Sean.]
Really? - [Andy.]
Did you cook? - [Sean.]
I did.
I have so much basmati rice now, because I stress eat and I'm also drinking.
I have, like, creative meetings every single day this week for the live show.
[Sean puts the bottle on table.]
And it's really stressing me out.
It's just mentally and physically and emotionally exhausting.
I would say the one thing that's hard is I still don't know how How some of the cast perceives me.
I feel like it might be hard for them to grasp that I'm equal - but I'm - This is so good, But I'm also listening.
- Good.
I'm glad you like it.
- [dog panting.]
Maybe this is all in my head, but maybe they just see me as a producer and then don't, you know, really take me seriously as an artist.
Or maybe they just see me as an artist and don't take me seriously as a producer.
- [Andy.]
Well - [Sean.]
And maybe that's in my own There's probably a blurred line.
But there's also probably a lot of fear.
A lot of them are very young.
[Sean.]
I need to figure out Austin.
He came really unprepared, and I feel he'd be mad if he heard me saying that, but that's the fucking truth.
[Austin.]
I obviously will need more time with it.
Um I have taken the progression that we actually used for Nine Lives, because I really liked it.
[Sean.]
Everyone else had full songs and he took a chord progression that we had worked from in the last workshop and used that and then had, like, two lines.
And he had five days.
This isn't camp, you know? This isn't some fun little retreat.
This is work.
This is a professional setting where I expect people to come in, every single workshop prepared.
I think you need to put your friend hat on.
If it was anybody else, you'd be a friend.
You'd be like, "Hey, what's going on? Is there anything like" What if you went into work tomorrow and you were like, "You know what? I know I had a presentationÃÂ due today to talk to all of you guys, but I only have the first sentence"? Would he say to you, "Hey, Andy, you know, I know, uh" [Andy.]
Actually, yeah, a good manager would.
He'd say, "I know you have talent.
I know you You have potential, but what the fuck happened there?" Maybe you should just schedule some time with him, get to know him and understand where he's coming from, because there could be insecurities involved, there could be other shit going on that you don't know about.
There's ways to be a leader and be liked as well.
- Agree.
- [Andy.]
So I think sometimes I want to be liked too much.
Maybe.
I think everybody does.
You like me? - You're okay.
- [both laugh.]
[sighs deeply.]
It's so much work.
[chuckles.]
Do you want to hear about my day? [Sean.]
I'm sorry, babe.
How was your day? I want to work today on defining what this song is.
- Okay.
- What's been on your mind like, over the past week or so? Honestly, I've been dealing with opening up in a lot of different aspects.
And that's what kind of been so crazy about this process is I'm realizing that Like Lexi and Taz, you know, friends that I have now are [stammers.]
The relationships are so much more organic.
People I've known for ten years in the hood still don't know the things about me that these girls know.
It's crazy.
[chuckles.]
- [Keith.]
That's so cool.
- Yeah, it is.
[Keith.]
That makes me so happy.
I'm doing good with the new surroundings, new people, new environment, more elevated mindsets.
It's just able to kind of return me back to what I was originally before I had to create an armor.
Tell me about the armor.
[Alexandra.]
Tell us something we don't know about yourself.
[Arika.]
Everyone thinks I'm like super shy, but I'm kind of, like, the most rash and most, like, hothead person ever.
I have embarrassing stories, you have to ask, but like Interested.
Tell.
[Arika.]
Okay.
This is, uh, one I'm not too proud of, but it happened, I want to say, last year.
I was at one of my friend's house parties.
I was with my best friend at the time.
She was like, "So which girl's the one that was all on Twitter saying all that shit about you?" And I was just like, "Oh, yeah, that one.
" And she goes to the girl and like asks her her name and she says her name.
[chuckles.]
And my best friend just started like pow, pow, pow.
And then I like I don't know, I, like, blacked out and just jumped in.
I'm like, boom, boom, boom.
Then someone pulls me and I'm just kicking the girl, like, with my Vans print on her face and shit.
I'm like And it's just a mess.
Then I'm letting her up and she's running away and I'm like, "No, bitch.
" Like, "No!" "You tried to jump me, bitch.
" [babbles.]
And this is me off a cup of Hennessy.
[Alexandra.]
Holy shit.
The armor is finding the balance and not just one big defense mechanism all the time.
[Keith.]
Last time that we met, at Henson, we had talked about which of the stories on the grid were, like, yours and no one else's.
- [Arika.]
Yeah.
- [Keith.]
And we wound up with the rape story.
I am the type of person like, uh Even when I am a victim, I am not going to be a victim up here.
I don't have any plans for my moment to be like a sob story, slow, sad ballad like.
[inhales.]
No shade to anybody that's doing that, but that's just not what I want to come across as.
- [Keith.]
Good.
- [Arika.]
Even though I've had probably one of the more traumatic lives in the cast's spectrum.
I don't want that to be me.
I want you to just kind of meditate about what that could be for you.
The attitude is rock and roll, but the feeling is soul.
I want it to be like, "Oh, okay.
Oh, that's how you feel?" [snapping fingers.]
"Keep going.
" That's what I want.
Good.
Great.
[Alexandra.]
I'm gonna channel my inner badass today.
[Taz.]
Do it.
[Alexandra.]
Honestly, I, uh need to do shit like this.
[Taz laughs.]
You know what I mean? Like [Taz.]
I [Alexandra.]
I feel like it helps me with my writing, like if I am not just doing If I'm not just in my room writing all the time.
You know what I'm saying? - [Taz.]
Yeah.
- [Alexandra.]
We have a lot to do and a lot to accomplish and I have a lot on my mind.
And, like, it's little things, like, earlier, Indy called and I was trying to trim down my monologue.
It was like an interruption, but I didn't wanna treat him like he's an interruption - or an inconvenience to me.
- Ah! Yeah, I totally get it.
But he kind of was.
Anyway, so that's what was happening.
It was just like we were just colliding today and yesterday over money and it sucks because I feel like I am the type of person that's like Everything's supposed to be sunshine and roses with Indy and I, and it's - like it's not.
- [phone ringing.]
[phone beeps.]
- Are you there? - Yeah.
How long was I talking to myself? Like, two seconds.
I heard you say that you wanted me to come home.
[Indy.]
Yeah.
I wish it was that easy.
Yeah, I wish it was too.
But it's not.
[Indy.]
I know.
A lot of opportunity out there that you definitely wouldn't have here.
[Alexandra.]
But, like, I'm making good music.
I feel like I need to be supported on it.
Every day that I'm here, I get closer to who I want to be but at the same time, it's forming a gap between us and it's like hard.
I'm really annoyed with trying to act like everything's okay when it's not.
[Indy.]
I know you don't like to talk about that shit.
That's the problem though.
That's the problem.
We have to talk about it.
We're Like, we're in a long-distance relationship.
We are going through a lot in our relationship and being away from each other has put a lot of stress on us.
- Absolutely.
- And it's And it's made it really, really hard.
It sucks now.
What, I haven't seen you in a month and a half? Yeah.
[Alexandra.]
I've changed so much.
I feel like I'm moving in a different direction and I'm becoming somebody else.
I don't I don't know I don't know where my head is at with Indy.
It's really hard to push past that sometimes.
That's a downfall of picking up and moving your life.
We're going through a whole big thing, we have a big show coming up, but then our boyfriends are like, "We want attention too.
" Well, that's my boyfriend right now.
- And then like - Mine too.
And then I'm trying to chill out on the alcohol a little bit, but he's always like, "Why don't you pay attention to me? It's always your music.
" And I'm like, "Yeah, motherfucker, - it's always my music.
" [laughs.]
- Right.
It has to be right now.
Sorry.
[grunts.]
I need to go away.
- [inhales sharply.]
Lemme try it on my own.
- I want to just spread my wings.
- Ah! Oh, my God! Can I fly with you? - [both laugh.]
You fly, girl.
[Alexandra laughs loudly.]
[Pia.]
So [sighs.]
I called my mom and dad today.
First, I was like, "I've got a surprise," and she's like, "You're pregnant.
" - [Jimmy.]
Oh, no way.
[laughs.]
- [Pia.]
That's what they always ask.
- We just got married.
- [Jimmy.]
Yeah.
[Pia panting.]
I don't understand why that's the first thing everyone thinks of.
But I told them that David asked me to go on tour.
It would be an East Coast tour.
It's just a big deal and something that I've always wanted to do since I was a kid.
I'm so excited.
I obviously want to do it, but I'm also doing this live show.
What are your thoughts on everything? [Jimmy.]
I think it's good.
All of this stuff is good.
[Pia.]
We're going to be separated for a while.
The reality is this is what we prayed for.
This is what we wanted.
If you sign on to do something, you already know how we roll.
It's like, you know, do it, and especially something like this live show production.
- You've never done it before.
- [Pia.]
Mm-hmm.
It's something brand new.
- I'm creating it.
- And you're creating it.
[Pia.]
There's a lot happening right now.
It's like Went from nothing to literally so much stuff.
- It's what you wanted though.
- It's everything I prayed for.
[Pia.]
I've had more on my plate than I've had in a really, really long time.
And then, of course, being married, the balance is sometimes really difficult.
I want to give my husband all of my time, but sometimes I just have nothing left to give.
[thunder rumbles.]
[rumbling continues.]
Holding on your hand Dancing in the eye of the storm Holding on And God and romance Can make a dying world feel beautiful But they don't understand But, baby, we know The sky ain't always clear blue No But together we'll weather it all 'Cause fire burns from me and you And love is a spark Calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us 'Cause we'll never burn out Of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane A candle in a hurricane Can't say we ain't been warned But every single blow feeds the fire The fire Of our desires The fire Nowhere's safe or sound Without you around Don't you know? Ooh, don't you go, don't you go Don't you go, don't you know Whoa, whoa The sky ain't always clear blue But together we'll weather it all 'Cause fire burns from me and you And love is a spark Oh Calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us We'll never burn out of this flame No, we'll never burn out of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane A candle in a hurricane We can light a fire in the rain Like a candle in a hurricane Yeah They're calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us - No way! - We'll never burn out of this flame No, we'll never burn out of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane [thunder rumbles.]
[car horn honking.]
[siren wailing.]
I'm looking at your timeline here on this.
We're not even friends on Facebook - because you blocked me.
- Yes, we are.
Okay, I'm not your friend on Facebook.
[laughs.]
Yeah, but I unblocked you.
Are you gonna add her again now? I was mad.
She didn't say happy birthday to me.
You didn't say happy birthday to me on my birthday.
[scoffs.]
- [Sean.]
Can I just throw this on there? - [James.]
Yep.
I mean, and then go ahead and just spread out the little pieces there.
[Sean.]
When was the last time we three had dinner? We were alone together at your house.
[chuckles.]
- The three of us? - After the introductions.
Gosh, it seems like so long ago.
Cait, you've gotta let it cook.
Do you want to micromanage this? Or do you want me to micromanage it? I'mÃÂ micromanaging the micromanager.
Are you guys excited for the next workshop? [Caitlin.]
Are you? - [Sean.]
I'm a little nervous.
- [Caitlin.]
What are you nervous about? [Sean.]
Just making sure everything runs smoothly.
We're just taking all the monologues and all the songs and putting it in a book so we can actually do a read-through and see what we have.
- We're seeing what fits and what doesn't.
- [James.]
Yeah.
My God, it's so good.
We have three more weeks, you know, to fucking have something, to showcase something.
That's what gets me so upset about - Austin still hasn't sent his monologue.
- Whatever.
Which I'm like, "It's fine.
If you don't send it in, you're not gonna get to perform anything.
" Like, "You're shooting yourself in the foot by not giving yourself content.
" I get mad 'cause I feel like I'm not tough enough and then the other side of me is like, "Be Be sympathetic and push and fight for him.
" It's like I want to still root for him.
- Because - Oh, I'm over that.
- [Sean.]
Really? - Oh, yeah.
I want to see what happens tomorrow, but if he hasn't put in any work, I'm going to be really fucking pissed.
He who fails to prepare prepares to fail.
[Sean.]
Did you send in your "Hear Me" lyrics? - [James.]
No.
- Cool.
They were due two hours ago.
I'm going to write them tonight.
I actually haven't written them [Sean.]
I'm going to print it all tonight.
Do you think you could send me something before 6:30? - [James.]
It's five.
- [Sean.]
I know I just have to print the book.
So it's not gonna be in the book for tomorrow.
[James.]
Lemme go outside and write something.
[music playing on phone.]
Can you be bad cop? I'm so fucking tired of having to be bad cop.
- [Caitlin.]
You're not - I'm not a bad cop though, right? [Caitlin.]
No.
"I'm not a bad cop, am I?" I'm being pussy cop.
No, you're not being a pussy cop or a bad cop.
[Sean.]
It's also, like, my best friend.
I'm gonna be like, "Okay then, fucking do it now.
" [James vocalizing.]
[Sean.]
I'm trying to stay calm.
It's like how do I be mad at Austin - when James didn't send something? - [Caitlin.]
I wanted to say that.
I want you to tell me what you've been ruminating on and what this All these ideas and material thoughts you have.
So I thought about maybe writing a song about home.
Help me to remember, you didn't live in St.
Louis? No, I was 30 minutes from downtown St.
Louis, - but I was in Illinois.
- Over the border.
Exactly.
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
[Alexandra.]
I live in I lived in Millstadt.
[Keith.]
Millstadt.
Okay.
So talk to me about what was limiting, career-wise, for you there.
[Alexandra.]
There wasn't a lot of people.
Um, I would play the bars around the area, but it was like there was nobody that had any connections in music at all around.
There's a lot of country bands in town, obviously.
Um So you had a lot of competition as far as like drawing a crowd.
Because there was always another country band playing somewhere else.
So I feel like people only take you so seriously there.
You know what I mean? [inhales deeply.]
Because you're just a local band.
Like And you're one of many local country bands and most of the people who are older in their country bands now were your age when they started playing local country music around that area.
So I feel like everybody kind of looks at you like you're going to probably stay around here and play the same bars.
[sighs.]
And it is what it is.
[indistinct chattering.]
[woman.]
One, two, three.
[Keith.]
Okay.
- I'm going to toss an idea at you.
- [Alexandra.]
Mm-hmm.
Just let me know what you think.
There's something interesting to me about a potential parallel between having a relationship with your hometown and your community at home and that place of heart but also wondering if you weren't bound by that relationship to that community what the possibilities would be like for your career and the feeling of being in a relationship with someone and wondering what life would be like if you didn't If you weren't in that relationship.
And those opportunities that might exist outside that life.
[Austin.]
Ooh.
[Leo.]
Da-da-da-da-da-doo [Austin.]
Oh, yeah, there.
[Leo strumming guitar.]
Yeah, my love My love My love Ooh, ooh, ooh [continues strumming.]
[Leo.]
How do you feel about the show this far, man? [Austin.]
Er I'm not going to be like, "All is good," until opening night.
- [Leo.]
Right.
- And it's on point.
And people are standing ovation.
That's what That's when I'll be like, "Okay, maybe we have something.
" - Okay.
All right.
- "Maybe we have something here.
" It's when that But before then, there's nothing we have.
It's just all speculation.
You crack me up, dude.
The first time The first songwriting session, you were like, "Oh, man, that's a hit.
I don't know what the fuck just happened, but that's a hit.
" - [Austin laughs.]
- I'm like, "This motherfucker.
This fucking guy.
" I used to say that shit all the time, man.
You know, the only thing I really try to do is be the best.
And what I am good at, I know for a fact I'm good at it.
[chuckles.]
I don't want you to fucking shoot yourself in the foot because You know, you don't know how you're rubbing people.
You know, when I was 22 and growing up, I was worse than you actually.
I just see that the over-confidence is something that rubs people the wrong way depending on the moment, you know what I mean? - Yeah.
- [Leo.]
And That's fine.
You know the only thing I really try to do is beÃÂ the best of what I've created as far as Austin Kolbe's concerned.
I just see that whatever you do or shit that I used to do [laughs.]
It's shit that I used to do, so that's why I'm actually saying what I'm saying.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean? [Leo.]
I wish that someone told me when I was starting off, before the boy band, that over-confidence and ego can not only hurt you but also your future.
People don't want to work with assholes.
Everyone has talent.
It's who you are that gets you the next job.
Growing up - Almost famous - Growing up On front pages - Growing up - It's contagious Spotlight's amazing You don't know What it takes - Till you know - How it breaks you - Getting hurt - Wasn't part of the plan Now I am a man I am Doing the best that I can Here's my second chance I'll be damned If I let it slip out of my grip The future is in my hands Ooh Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands Growing up - Ain't so easy - Growing up On the TV Growing up Ain't ABC - You're living naively - You don't know - What is real - I hope you don't Spin your wheels I've got to just Trust my heart, go by feel Now I am a man And I am Doing the best that I can Here's my second chance I'll be damned If I let it slip out of my grip The future is in my hands Ooh Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my I was out of sync, never going back Bye, bye, bye, no strings attached Hold my jagged edge on my imogen Here we go again turning boys to men - I was out of sync, never going back - Going back Bye, bye, bye, no strings attached Hold my jagged edge on my imogen Here we go again turning boys to men Go again The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands - Never letting go from my dreams - In my hands My hands The future is in my hands [Keith.]
We have a lot to, um, dive into today.
Let's do it.
Oh, my God, this is stressing me out already.
All right, everyone have their new sheet music? [Sean.]
I am passing it out right now.
If I was a director, I'd have a little whistle.
[Sean.]
It's stressing me out fucking figuring out what the fuck we're doing.
[Arika.]
I'm nauseous.
- My head hurts.
- Is it just me or is it freezing in here? - It's fucking freezing.
- Okay.
[Arika shivering.]
I feel sick as fuck.
[Keith.]
Where is Leo? Leo! [indistinct chattering.]
So this is We don't need this one anymore? [Arika.]
It's going to be a long day.
Today is just like this close - [softly.]
This close.
- Why? What's If I start talking about it, I am gonna cry.
- I don't want to start crying.
- Okay.
[Arika.]
I like being able to handle all my own things and me being like the boss with my own motions.
But I was kind of consumed by anger.
You're shaped, at a subconscious level, by your parents, especially by your mother.
And I am still fucked up by it.
- Hi, everybody.
- [all.]
Hi, Keith.
Today's agenda is go through the whole script.
Then, based on that, we're going to understand what needs most immediate attention and what is accomplishable in the two and a half weeks that we will have before our final rehearsal.
[Keith flips a page.]
Um Okay.
[Keith.]
Let's dive into solo stuff.
Naked.
- [people oohing.]
- [Keith.]
A new song cycle based on real people.
- [piano playing.]
- [Keith.]
Act 1.
Alexandra takes the stage.
Faced what's alive for a little while Hoping to soak it in Thinking maybe somehow We'd ignite a fire That burned out From the constant rejection You're good, but she's better Just keep keeping on But if it's all right I'd like to sing you all this song About a divebar dreamer In her dime store boots She is a constant believer In always sticking to her roots She spends her days writing songs That the labels don't want to hear And spends her nights Playing for tips and beer And you know her well 'Cause she's standing right here She's a divebar dreamer A divebar dreamer - [all cheer and applaud.]
- [Leo whistling.]
[Pia.]
Yeah.
That was so amazing.
[Keith.]
Leo.
Without further ado It's my pleasure to introduce to you The one And only Rooster [Keith playing piano.]
[Leo.]
"Mama raised five beautiful boys.
But I'm the baby.
Born to live freely.
Who pissed on the wall in Catholic School? [chuckles.]
Of course I raised my hand and said proudly, 'It was me.
' Leo Gallo.
Gallo.
Italian.
Spanish for rooster.
" - [man laughing.]
- [Leo.]
I've been trying really hard - to fucking write one song - [woman laughing.]
that encompasses who I am and, uh, it's really difficult.
- [Margo laughing.]
- [Carly.]
It's so hard to describe you.
[Margo.]
And why it's so exciting to watch you? You were in the trenches.
In the studios, being told what to do, being told how to do it.
You're a happy guy.
There were times when you weren't.
When you were angry, when you were frustrated, when you didn't know where you were going or why you were going.
You have a gift and you've got to use it.
You need to take what you do and go out there and do it.
- [Leo.]
I'm a very lucky man.
- [chuckles.]
- [Margo.]
Yes, you are.
- I love you guys.
[Leo.]
You have to surround yourself by people that inspire you.
My mom always taught me to find the blessing and, uh, my father, he just wasn't there.
I never really felt as if I could go to him and talk to him.
His lack of deeper love has allowed me to dig in life and figure out my own way.
Oh, the one And only Me [all cheer, applaud.]
[Keith.]
James.
When I was 17 I went [shouts.]
fucking nuts! I had drunk myself into a blithering idiot already at some house parties.
[James.]
Hey, could I please have two coffees? - [woman.]
Drip coffee? - [James.]
Yes, please, thank you.
[indistinct chattering.]
Dude, I've been wanting to get fucked up really bad.
What, like, the last couple of days or today? [James.]
Today and yesterday.
The day before.
But I haven't.
[Ali sighs.]
Thanks, man.
It's tough, dude.
And you're doing the shit right now.
I fucking relate to that.
I'd, uh I'd get, like, a little time, abstinent, and then everyone would be proud of me and they're like, "Dude, you're doing such a great job.
" And meanwhile I'm like, "Okay, I can hang in this conversation for ten more minutes and then make an excuse to go to the liquor store.
" - I fucking need a drink, you know? - [Ali laughs.]
At 28 years old, like, "I need a drink, I can't deal with this.
" You know, the first few days, like having been fresh from beingÃÂ vomit-y and shaky and sweaty - and my liver hurting - [Ali laughs.]
The first few days after that, I was like, "Thank God.
Anything but that.
" But now that I'm starting to feel good again, it's that voice that's like, "You're not an alcoholic, dude.
Come on.
" You're going through the thick of it right now, man.
But you're doing all the right shit at the same time, like You're calling motherfuckers.
You're doing the deal.
You're being honest about it.
That's the main thing, man.
My whole life, I wanted to be playing music to, like, bajillions of people onÃÂ a stage.
I've just envisioned it my whole life.
And I I know that with that comes the resources to hole up and never have to, like, be a person again.
Why is that so appealing? Like, "I won't have to talk to anybody anymore.
" - [Ali laughs.]
- "I can just hole up in my house and just drink myself to death in peace, finally.
" It's that facade.
You're like, "I've got to hide the ugliness.
" It's rough.
That's That's a big thing, right? Like a feeling like there's something inherently wrong with you that other people can see.
[Ali.]
Yeah, it's tough, dude.
It'll fucking kill you.
[music playing.]
[inhales sharply, sighs.]
Okay.
[both laugh.]
[Ali.]
All right.
Sun swam under the golden cloud Shook my head and looked around Climbed up onto my motorcycle And tried to steel my nerves I took the Hollywood freeway Sixty-five miles an hour Feeling like I was learning to fly Pinned that throttle back And nearly crashed into a curb Ooh, the burn Ooh, the burn [applause.]
[Keith.]
Pia, you're up.
[Pia.]
Safe behind my Avatar [Keith playing piano.]
Safe behind my Avatar Whoa - [playing stops.]
- [applause.]
[Keith.]
Austin appears.
How has this process been for you so far? Recently, within the past couple of sessions, especially, like, workshops, I felt like I was gonna have to carry the tune on my back with the songs.
[Sean.]
I felt like the last workshop And I had a conversation with Keith.
I was like "Man, why didn't Austin have, like, a fucking full blown-out song?" Was it because you just weren't excited about it? [Austin.]
If it's one song that really sums up me as an artist, I want it to be insane.
Where I didn't have something to show was because I really wanted to take the time and think, like, "Let's give this song the attention it deserves.
" We have deadlines of things that we need to have ready to present, because at the end of day, like, I want you to succeed as an artist in every single way.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- And if that means you being a part of this live show and expressing yourself in this live show as well, amazing.
But if you feel like your brand is more being an individual artist, like, at the same time, - I'm like, "Amazing.
" - Yeah.
Do that.
I wanna make sure that we're all on the same page.
This is my shot.
And it's like there's nothing that's going to stop, you know, making this theÃÂ biggest, hottest success.
[Austin.]
Will it ever be enough? No matter how far my progression and my obsession takes me I know that it is an empty, unfulfilling road.
This is my self-sabotage, my poison in my antidote, my flame and suffocation.
Though it is a curse, one that keeps me restless night after night, running through every possible scenario in my head to obtain a goal which was cultivated when I was only 11.
The anxiety seeps deep into my chest like hot tar that lines my rib cage.
In my mind, I pray that all will work out.
It's either music or nothing.
Success or death.
[Austin plays piano.]
Just take a minute And what do you see? These diamonds and pearls That my mother gave me I keep them on unintentionally They make me the man That I'm trying to be Oh, whoa I say life goes on after the song I say oh, whoa I say life goes on after the song [applause.]
[Keith.]
Arika.
[Keith plays piano.]
There's been one too many times I've been caught in the front line In life Yeah A lover don't do well in lust So in this life I don't do well with trust Yeah Gonna win this war alone for me Wanna be good now No, I should now 'Cause shit may hit the fan But you won't knock me where I stand - Hey, baby, why you looking so rude? - Hey, baby They say you need a new attitude [laughter.]
Well, if I had a dime for every time Some motherfucker crossed the line I'd buy a time machine Go back and whack your mom just You're fucking me up! You're fucking me up, Keith! [Keith plays piano.]
Let's start at, "Hey, baby.
" Five, six, seven, eight.
- Hey, baby, why you looking so rude? - Hey, baby They say you need a new attitude Well, if I had a dime for every time Some motherfucker crossed the line I'd buy a time machine Go back and whack your mom Just before your dad could Plant the seed [all cheer.]
But I can't Whoa.
Afford to waste my To waste my time Not this time 'Cause shit may hit the fan But you won't knock me You won't knock me You can watch me You've got to watch me All y'all, watch me! [Leo.]
Yes! I'm gonna be good I'm gonna be good now [piano plays.]
[applause.]
[Keith.]
Everyone, amazing work.
Thank you.
Dinner time! So interesting.
[Sean.]
Yeah.
I've so many thoughts.
[Keith.]
I know.
Yeah.
I'm a little concerned about Arika.
- Me too.
- Just emotionally.
[indistinct chattering.]
- [Keith.]
Something's going on.
- [Sean.]
Yeah.
[Leo.]
Hey, you.
You fucking killed it.
[Arika.]
What fucks me up is that I really, really care about this.
And I honestly feel like the only part I'm important at is when it comes to people's fucked up lives.
Like, I do not feel important singing with you all.
- I don't feel important collaborating.
- [Leo.]
Why? But I want you to understand that this wouldn't be as powerful if it wasn't with you.
- [Arika.]
I know.
- [Leo.]
Okay.
Then it's just your feeling.
[Arika.]
They can get every cute white girl in the world that can hit them Celine Dion notes, but they are not me.
[Leo.]
Exactly.
We don't want no fucking cuteÃÂ Celine Dion girl.
We want your fucking soul.
- [Arika.]
I'm just hella frustrated.
- [Leo.]
Mm-hmm.
[Arika.]
Because someone needs to make sure that we're feeling fucking okay and protected in this process and not feeling so fucking stressed out.
I don't know emotionally how to do it anymore.
It's pissing me off.
[Leo.]
Of course.
I can't do it.
- You don't have to.
They want this shit.
- I can't do it.
I suppress all this shit and then it comes the fuck out.
[Leo.]
Don't fucking suppress the fucking shit out of shit.
- [Leo.]
I know.
- This is my whole fucking life.
- [Leo.]
I know.
- Like fuck.
[Leo.]
It's a lot.
[voice echoes.]
It's a lot.
Hey, it's a lot.
[indistinct chatter.]
[Arika.]
It's just a feeling of apprehension.
Being this vulnerable.
And an industry that is totally overpopulated with a bunch of people that are just trying to exploit it.
[Keith.]
I just want to make sure that everyone hears my sincere thank you for sharing yourself, for sharing your work and your patience and everything with this process.
What's really important to me right now is that you're not unhappy in the process.
You are the writers.
So this is collaborative.
I just want everyone to not feel like they're being exploited.
And now I'm being whored out for my troubles of my life.
Fuck that.
I don't [sighs deeply.]
[cries.]
[Keith sighs.]
[exhales.]
[voice breaking.]
The fun of art is that it helps you see your own life more clearly.
But life is hard.
And so art is hard.
And you always feel like it's bullshit.
You always feel like you're being exploited.
You feel like you're exploiting yourself.
You write a line and it's terrible.
Then someone says they love it and then another person says they hate it.
The whole thing is terrible.
Lexi's new monologue that we didn't get to hear is all about why the fuck do we even do this to ourselves? Because we had experiences as an audience member that helped us as a human and we said to ourselves, "I want to be the one who helps others humans.
" Then you realize it's hard.
[sighs.]
It's hard to be the one who helps other humans through your art.
And then you go, "Why do I get to be the lucky one who gets to share themselves in the hopes that maybe it'll resonate for someone else?" It's fucked up.
So when I give you these fucking notes, just know that it's not personal, that you were each fucking awesome.
And we're all really lucky to be the ones who get to sit here.
Fuck.
SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma
This is it, dude.
If anybody's gonna pull me back into the fucking drinking scene, it's gonna be some EDM motherfuckers.
[laughter.]
Austin and I have been working together for almost a year.
And essentially, dude, to cut to the chase, I had to have you meet him and I had to have you meet him.
This is Mr.
Kristopher, just so you know.
That's his artist name.
- I love it.
Mr.
Kristopher.
- Some days.
With a "K" too.
That's what I like.
And he's Austin Kolbe with a K-O-L.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- Two Ks.
[Austin.]
Two Ks, baby.
Cheers.
- [Justin.]
Only two.
- [Austin.]
Hit it.
He's had a big year in a way, right? This year, I've released 20-something songs.
Hell, yeah, dude.
[Kristopher.]
I went from chickens and cows in Missouri to Brooklyn and out here.
The third day I was here, I DJed a party in the Hills at this big mansion.
So I was like, "Is this how LA is for everybody?" [laughs.]
- I'm doing great.
- [Suren.]
Yep.
- Life is good.
- Yeah, dude.
The live thing that he's been doing is like fire.
Part of the thing that we've actually The thing that we're resting our, you know, eggs on With the show, it's kind of turning out to be this pop musical thing.
Oh, interesting.
Okay.
Which I fucking hate musicals.
I was almost impressed at the, I guess, lack of songwriting ability within the group.
He's a good songwriter and it's like just dive in I write all my own songs.
It's all in the songwriting.
Dude, it's interesting working with nine different artists and writing for each of their different styles.
[Suren.]
That is a major conduit.
- Heals a lot of people together.
- Whenever I was in bands, it was hard.
- Some people would get crazy over money.
- Yeah.
[Kristopher.]
Some would get crazy over girls.
It was tooÃÂ much drugs, whatever it may be.
And I just slowly went down to just going by myself - and doing everything that way.
- Sweet.
Yeah.
- How many people do you guys have? - Nine.
[Justin.]
That's tough, man.
That's like having nine girlfriends.
[laughter.]
- I'm disappointed in your friend.
- [Alexandra.]
Austin? Yeah.
Everybody is, I think.
I love that dude.
And I think he is a good dude, but he comes off He doesn't know how he comes off sometimes, is the problem We're a unit.
We have a whole thing we have to collaborate on and, if one person is the weak link, it's all going to show for all of us, you know? Because when it's just, like, attitude, bad energy Like, why? [Alexandra.]
We had a conversation last night.
He can feel that people are feeling Feeling a certain way about him.
Me and him have kind of the most tragic life stories.
[Alexandra.]
What you are doing when you get up there and you really, like, just lay it all out on the line is so I commend you for that.
I mean, you've given more to this than pretty much anybody, - I feel like.
- I hate it.
Every single workshop, I've ended up going home, I'veÃÂ ended up crying I hate it.
It literally makes rage in me.
I'm just saying you have really been vulnerable in a lot of ways that, you know, I sure as hell haven't.
I feel like a lot of people are going to feel, like, "Oh, this bitch is trying to get sympathy.
" I hate it.
We have to go back, as songwriters, to places and situations that we don't want to go back.
What's bad for the heart.
.
is good for the art.
- That's like our curse, you know? - Yeah.
We gotta suffer through this shit to make something beautiful.
[Alexandra.]
Yeah.
[photocopier whirring.]
[whirring continues.]
[Sean.]
The next workshop will be the first run-through of the show.
We've been working for weeks and weeks on mining this content and pulling from our lives.
The pressure is on and there's an incredible amount of stakes.
It's time to deliver or we might not have a show.
[car horns honking.]
[siren wailing.]
[Andy.]
I just had the best workout.
Like, I don't think I've worked out since the wedding.
[Sean.]
Really? - [Andy.]
Did you cook? - [Sean.]
I did.
I have so much basmati rice now, because I stress eat and I'm also drinking.
I have, like, creative meetings every single day this week for the live show.
[Sean puts the bottle on table.]
And it's really stressing me out.
It's just mentally and physically and emotionally exhausting.
I would say the one thing that's hard is I still don't know how How some of the cast perceives me.
I feel like it might be hard for them to grasp that I'm equal - but I'm - This is so good, But I'm also listening.
- Good.
I'm glad you like it.
- [dog panting.]
Maybe this is all in my head, but maybe they just see me as a producer and then don't, you know, really take me seriously as an artist.
Or maybe they just see me as an artist and don't take me seriously as a producer.
- [Andy.]
Well - [Sean.]
And maybe that's in my own There's probably a blurred line.
But there's also probably a lot of fear.
A lot of them are very young.
[Sean.]
I need to figure out Austin.
He came really unprepared, and I feel he'd be mad if he heard me saying that, but that's the fucking truth.
[Austin.]
I obviously will need more time with it.
Um I have taken the progression that we actually used for Nine Lives, because I really liked it.
[Sean.]
Everyone else had full songs and he took a chord progression that we had worked from in the last workshop and used that and then had, like, two lines.
And he had five days.
This isn't camp, you know? This isn't some fun little retreat.
This is work.
This is a professional setting where I expect people to come in, every single workshop prepared.
I think you need to put your friend hat on.
If it was anybody else, you'd be a friend.
You'd be like, "Hey, what's going on? Is there anything like" What if you went into work tomorrow and you were like, "You know what? I know I had a presentationÃÂ due today to talk to all of you guys, but I only have the first sentence"? Would he say to you, "Hey, Andy, you know, I know, uh" [Andy.]
Actually, yeah, a good manager would.
He'd say, "I know you have talent.
I know you You have potential, but what the fuck happened there?" Maybe you should just schedule some time with him, get to know him and understand where he's coming from, because there could be insecurities involved, there could be other shit going on that you don't know about.
There's ways to be a leader and be liked as well.
- Agree.
- [Andy.]
So I think sometimes I want to be liked too much.
Maybe.
I think everybody does.
You like me? - You're okay.
- [both laugh.]
[sighs deeply.]
It's so much work.
[chuckles.]
Do you want to hear about my day? [Sean.]
I'm sorry, babe.
How was your day? I want to work today on defining what this song is.
- Okay.
- What's been on your mind like, over the past week or so? Honestly, I've been dealing with opening up in a lot of different aspects.
And that's what kind of been so crazy about this process is I'm realizing that Like Lexi and Taz, you know, friends that I have now are [stammers.]
The relationships are so much more organic.
People I've known for ten years in the hood still don't know the things about me that these girls know.
It's crazy.
[chuckles.]
- [Keith.]
That's so cool.
- Yeah, it is.
[Keith.]
That makes me so happy.
I'm doing good with the new surroundings, new people, new environment, more elevated mindsets.
It's just able to kind of return me back to what I was originally before I had to create an armor.
Tell me about the armor.
[Alexandra.]
Tell us something we don't know about yourself.
[Arika.]
Everyone thinks I'm like super shy, but I'm kind of, like, the most rash and most, like, hothead person ever.
I have embarrassing stories, you have to ask, but like Interested.
Tell.
[Arika.]
Okay.
This is, uh, one I'm not too proud of, but it happened, I want to say, last year.
I was at one of my friend's house parties.
I was with my best friend at the time.
She was like, "So which girl's the one that was all on Twitter saying all that shit about you?" And I was just like, "Oh, yeah, that one.
" And she goes to the girl and like asks her her name and she says her name.
[chuckles.]
And my best friend just started like pow, pow, pow.
And then I like I don't know, I, like, blacked out and just jumped in.
I'm like, boom, boom, boom.
Then someone pulls me and I'm just kicking the girl, like, with my Vans print on her face and shit.
I'm like And it's just a mess.
Then I'm letting her up and she's running away and I'm like, "No, bitch.
" Like, "No!" "You tried to jump me, bitch.
" [babbles.]
And this is me off a cup of Hennessy.
[Alexandra.]
Holy shit.
The armor is finding the balance and not just one big defense mechanism all the time.
[Keith.]
Last time that we met, at Henson, we had talked about which of the stories on the grid were, like, yours and no one else's.
- [Arika.]
Yeah.
- [Keith.]
And we wound up with the rape story.
I am the type of person like, uh Even when I am a victim, I am not going to be a victim up here.
I don't have any plans for my moment to be like a sob story, slow, sad ballad like.
[inhales.]
No shade to anybody that's doing that, but that's just not what I want to come across as.
- [Keith.]
Good.
- [Arika.]
Even though I've had probably one of the more traumatic lives in the cast's spectrum.
I don't want that to be me.
I want you to just kind of meditate about what that could be for you.
The attitude is rock and roll, but the feeling is soul.
I want it to be like, "Oh, okay.
Oh, that's how you feel?" [snapping fingers.]
"Keep going.
" That's what I want.
Good.
Great.
[Alexandra.]
I'm gonna channel my inner badass today.
[Taz.]
Do it.
[Alexandra.]
Honestly, I, uh need to do shit like this.
[Taz laughs.]
You know what I mean? Like [Taz.]
I [Alexandra.]
I feel like it helps me with my writing, like if I am not just doing If I'm not just in my room writing all the time.
You know what I'm saying? - [Taz.]
Yeah.
- [Alexandra.]
We have a lot to do and a lot to accomplish and I have a lot on my mind.
And, like, it's little things, like, earlier, Indy called and I was trying to trim down my monologue.
It was like an interruption, but I didn't wanna treat him like he's an interruption - or an inconvenience to me.
- Ah! Yeah, I totally get it.
But he kind of was.
Anyway, so that's what was happening.
It was just like we were just colliding today and yesterday over money and it sucks because I feel like I am the type of person that's like Everything's supposed to be sunshine and roses with Indy and I, and it's - like it's not.
- [phone ringing.]
[phone beeps.]
- Are you there? - Yeah.
How long was I talking to myself? Like, two seconds.
I heard you say that you wanted me to come home.
[Indy.]
Yeah.
I wish it was that easy.
Yeah, I wish it was too.
But it's not.
[Indy.]
I know.
A lot of opportunity out there that you definitely wouldn't have here.
[Alexandra.]
But, like, I'm making good music.
I feel like I need to be supported on it.
Every day that I'm here, I get closer to who I want to be but at the same time, it's forming a gap between us and it's like hard.
I'm really annoyed with trying to act like everything's okay when it's not.
[Indy.]
I know you don't like to talk about that shit.
That's the problem though.
That's the problem.
We have to talk about it.
We're Like, we're in a long-distance relationship.
We are going through a lot in our relationship and being away from each other has put a lot of stress on us.
- Absolutely.
- And it's And it's made it really, really hard.
It sucks now.
What, I haven't seen you in a month and a half? Yeah.
[Alexandra.]
I've changed so much.
I feel like I'm moving in a different direction and I'm becoming somebody else.
I don't I don't know I don't know where my head is at with Indy.
It's really hard to push past that sometimes.
That's a downfall of picking up and moving your life.
We're going through a whole big thing, we have a big show coming up, but then our boyfriends are like, "We want attention too.
" Well, that's my boyfriend right now.
- And then like - Mine too.
And then I'm trying to chill out on the alcohol a little bit, but he's always like, "Why don't you pay attention to me? It's always your music.
" And I'm like, "Yeah, motherfucker, - it's always my music.
" [laughs.]
- Right.
It has to be right now.
Sorry.
[grunts.]
I need to go away.
- [inhales sharply.]
Lemme try it on my own.
- I want to just spread my wings.
- Ah! Oh, my God! Can I fly with you? - [both laugh.]
You fly, girl.
[Alexandra laughs loudly.]
[Pia.]
So [sighs.]
I called my mom and dad today.
First, I was like, "I've got a surprise," and she's like, "You're pregnant.
" - [Jimmy.]
Oh, no way.
[laughs.]
- [Pia.]
That's what they always ask.
- We just got married.
- [Jimmy.]
Yeah.
[Pia panting.]
I don't understand why that's the first thing everyone thinks of.
But I told them that David asked me to go on tour.
It would be an East Coast tour.
It's just a big deal and something that I've always wanted to do since I was a kid.
I'm so excited.
I obviously want to do it, but I'm also doing this live show.
What are your thoughts on everything? [Jimmy.]
I think it's good.
All of this stuff is good.
[Pia.]
We're going to be separated for a while.
The reality is this is what we prayed for.
This is what we wanted.
If you sign on to do something, you already know how we roll.
It's like, you know, do it, and especially something like this live show production.
- You've never done it before.
- [Pia.]
Mm-hmm.
It's something brand new.
- I'm creating it.
- And you're creating it.
[Pia.]
There's a lot happening right now.
It's like Went from nothing to literally so much stuff.
- It's what you wanted though.
- It's everything I prayed for.
[Pia.]
I've had more on my plate than I've had in a really, really long time.
And then, of course, being married, the balance is sometimes really difficult.
I want to give my husband all of my time, but sometimes I just have nothing left to give.
[thunder rumbles.]
[rumbling continues.]
Holding on your hand Dancing in the eye of the storm Holding on And God and romance Can make a dying world feel beautiful But they don't understand But, baby, we know The sky ain't always clear blue No But together we'll weather it all 'Cause fire burns from me and you And love is a spark Calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us 'Cause we'll never burn out Of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane A candle in a hurricane Can't say we ain't been warned But every single blow feeds the fire The fire Of our desires The fire Nowhere's safe or sound Without you around Don't you know? Ooh, don't you go, don't you go Don't you go, don't you know Whoa, whoa The sky ain't always clear blue But together we'll weather it all 'Cause fire burns from me and you And love is a spark Oh Calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us We'll never burn out of this flame No, we'll never burn out of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane A candle in a hurricane We can light a fire in the rain Like a candle in a hurricane Yeah They're calling us crazy Saying evacuate Evacuate this love Storms never fazed me They can't do anything When it comes to us - No way! - We'll never burn out of this flame No, we'll never burn out of this flame Like a candle in a hurricane [thunder rumbles.]
[car horn honking.]
[siren wailing.]
I'm looking at your timeline here on this.
We're not even friends on Facebook - because you blocked me.
- Yes, we are.
Okay, I'm not your friend on Facebook.
[laughs.]
Yeah, but I unblocked you.
Are you gonna add her again now? I was mad.
She didn't say happy birthday to me.
You didn't say happy birthday to me on my birthday.
[scoffs.]
- [Sean.]
Can I just throw this on there? - [James.]
Yep.
I mean, and then go ahead and just spread out the little pieces there.
[Sean.]
When was the last time we three had dinner? We were alone together at your house.
[chuckles.]
- The three of us? - After the introductions.
Gosh, it seems like so long ago.
Cait, you've gotta let it cook.
Do you want to micromanage this? Or do you want me to micromanage it? I'mÃÂ micromanaging the micromanager.
Are you guys excited for the next workshop? [Caitlin.]
Are you? - [Sean.]
I'm a little nervous.
- [Caitlin.]
What are you nervous about? [Sean.]
Just making sure everything runs smoothly.
We're just taking all the monologues and all the songs and putting it in a book so we can actually do a read-through and see what we have.
- We're seeing what fits and what doesn't.
- [James.]
Yeah.
My God, it's so good.
We have three more weeks, you know, to fucking have something, to showcase something.
That's what gets me so upset about - Austin still hasn't sent his monologue.
- Whatever.
Which I'm like, "It's fine.
If you don't send it in, you're not gonna get to perform anything.
" Like, "You're shooting yourself in the foot by not giving yourself content.
" I get mad 'cause I feel like I'm not tough enough and then the other side of me is like, "Be Be sympathetic and push and fight for him.
" It's like I want to still root for him.
- Because - Oh, I'm over that.
- [Sean.]
Really? - Oh, yeah.
I want to see what happens tomorrow, but if he hasn't put in any work, I'm going to be really fucking pissed.
He who fails to prepare prepares to fail.
[Sean.]
Did you send in your "Hear Me" lyrics? - [James.]
No.
- Cool.
They were due two hours ago.
I'm going to write them tonight.
I actually haven't written them [Sean.]
I'm going to print it all tonight.
Do you think you could send me something before 6:30? - [James.]
It's five.
- [Sean.]
I know I just have to print the book.
So it's not gonna be in the book for tomorrow.
[James.]
Lemme go outside and write something.
[music playing on phone.]
Can you be bad cop? I'm so fucking tired of having to be bad cop.
- [Caitlin.]
You're not - I'm not a bad cop though, right? [Caitlin.]
No.
"I'm not a bad cop, am I?" I'm being pussy cop.
No, you're not being a pussy cop or a bad cop.
[Sean.]
It's also, like, my best friend.
I'm gonna be like, "Okay then, fucking do it now.
" [James vocalizing.]
[Sean.]
I'm trying to stay calm.
It's like how do I be mad at Austin - when James didn't send something? - [Caitlin.]
I wanted to say that.
I want you to tell me what you've been ruminating on and what this All these ideas and material thoughts you have.
So I thought about maybe writing a song about home.
Help me to remember, you didn't live in St.
Louis? No, I was 30 minutes from downtown St.
Louis, - but I was in Illinois.
- Over the border.
Exactly.
- Yeah.
- Exactly.
[Alexandra.]
I live in I lived in Millstadt.
[Keith.]
Millstadt.
Okay.
So talk to me about what was limiting, career-wise, for you there.
[Alexandra.]
There wasn't a lot of people.
Um, I would play the bars around the area, but it was like there was nobody that had any connections in music at all around.
There's a lot of country bands in town, obviously.
Um So you had a lot of competition as far as like drawing a crowd.
Because there was always another country band playing somewhere else.
So I feel like people only take you so seriously there.
You know what I mean? [inhales deeply.]
Because you're just a local band.
Like And you're one of many local country bands and most of the people who are older in their country bands now were your age when they started playing local country music around that area.
So I feel like everybody kind of looks at you like you're going to probably stay around here and play the same bars.
[sighs.]
And it is what it is.
[indistinct chattering.]
[woman.]
One, two, three.
[Keith.]
Okay.
- I'm going to toss an idea at you.
- [Alexandra.]
Mm-hmm.
Just let me know what you think.
There's something interesting to me about a potential parallel between having a relationship with your hometown and your community at home and that place of heart but also wondering if you weren't bound by that relationship to that community what the possibilities would be like for your career and the feeling of being in a relationship with someone and wondering what life would be like if you didn't If you weren't in that relationship.
And those opportunities that might exist outside that life.
[Austin.]
Ooh.
[Leo.]
Da-da-da-da-da-doo [Austin.]
Oh, yeah, there.
[Leo strumming guitar.]
Yeah, my love My love My love Ooh, ooh, ooh [continues strumming.]
[Leo.]
How do you feel about the show this far, man? [Austin.]
Er I'm not going to be like, "All is good," until opening night.
- [Leo.]
Right.
- And it's on point.
And people are standing ovation.
That's what That's when I'll be like, "Okay, maybe we have something.
" - Okay.
All right.
- "Maybe we have something here.
" It's when that But before then, there's nothing we have.
It's just all speculation.
You crack me up, dude.
The first time The first songwriting session, you were like, "Oh, man, that's a hit.
I don't know what the fuck just happened, but that's a hit.
" - [Austin laughs.]
- I'm like, "This motherfucker.
This fucking guy.
" I used to say that shit all the time, man.
You know, the only thing I really try to do is be the best.
And what I am good at, I know for a fact I'm good at it.
[chuckles.]
I don't want you to fucking shoot yourself in the foot because You know, you don't know how you're rubbing people.
You know, when I was 22 and growing up, I was worse than you actually.
I just see that the over-confidence is something that rubs people the wrong way depending on the moment, you know what I mean? - Yeah.
- [Leo.]
And That's fine.
You know the only thing I really try to do is beÃÂ the best of what I've created as far as Austin Kolbe's concerned.
I just see that whatever you do or shit that I used to do [laughs.]
It's shit that I used to do, so that's why I'm actually saying what I'm saying.
- Yeah.
- You know what I mean? [Leo.]
I wish that someone told me when I was starting off, before the boy band, that over-confidence and ego can not only hurt you but also your future.
People don't want to work with assholes.
Everyone has talent.
It's who you are that gets you the next job.
Growing up - Almost famous - Growing up On front pages - Growing up - It's contagious Spotlight's amazing You don't know What it takes - Till you know - How it breaks you - Getting hurt - Wasn't part of the plan Now I am a man I am Doing the best that I can Here's my second chance I'll be damned If I let it slip out of my grip The future is in my hands Ooh Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands Growing up - Ain't so easy - Growing up On the TV Growing up Ain't ABC - You're living naively - You don't know - What is real - I hope you don't Spin your wheels I've got to just Trust my heart, go by feel Now I am a man And I am Doing the best that I can Here's my second chance I'll be damned If I let it slip out of my grip The future is in my hands Ooh Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my I was out of sync, never going back Bye, bye, bye, no strings attached Hold my jagged edge on my imogen Here we go again turning boys to men - I was out of sync, never going back - Going back Bye, bye, bye, no strings attached Hold my jagged edge on my imogen Here we go again turning boys to men Go again The future is in my hands Hands In my hands My hands The future is in my hands - Never letting go from my dreams - In my hands My hands The future is in my hands [Keith.]
We have a lot to, um, dive into today.
Let's do it.
Oh, my God, this is stressing me out already.
All right, everyone have their new sheet music? [Sean.]
I am passing it out right now.
If I was a director, I'd have a little whistle.
[Sean.]
It's stressing me out fucking figuring out what the fuck we're doing.
[Arika.]
I'm nauseous.
- My head hurts.
- Is it just me or is it freezing in here? - It's fucking freezing.
- Okay.
[Arika shivering.]
I feel sick as fuck.
[Keith.]
Where is Leo? Leo! [indistinct chattering.]
So this is We don't need this one anymore? [Arika.]
It's going to be a long day.
Today is just like this close - [softly.]
This close.
- Why? What's If I start talking about it, I am gonna cry.
- I don't want to start crying.
- Okay.
[Arika.]
I like being able to handle all my own things and me being like the boss with my own motions.
But I was kind of consumed by anger.
You're shaped, at a subconscious level, by your parents, especially by your mother.
And I am still fucked up by it.
- Hi, everybody.
- [all.]
Hi, Keith.
Today's agenda is go through the whole script.
Then, based on that, we're going to understand what needs most immediate attention and what is accomplishable in the two and a half weeks that we will have before our final rehearsal.
[Keith flips a page.]
Um Okay.
[Keith.]
Let's dive into solo stuff.
Naked.
- [people oohing.]
- [Keith.]
A new song cycle based on real people.
- [piano playing.]
- [Keith.]
Act 1.
Alexandra takes the stage.
Faced what's alive for a little while Hoping to soak it in Thinking maybe somehow We'd ignite a fire That burned out From the constant rejection You're good, but she's better Just keep keeping on But if it's all right I'd like to sing you all this song About a divebar dreamer In her dime store boots She is a constant believer In always sticking to her roots She spends her days writing songs That the labels don't want to hear And spends her nights Playing for tips and beer And you know her well 'Cause she's standing right here She's a divebar dreamer A divebar dreamer - [all cheer and applaud.]
- [Leo whistling.]
[Pia.]
Yeah.
That was so amazing.
[Keith.]
Leo.
Without further ado It's my pleasure to introduce to you The one And only Rooster [Keith playing piano.]
[Leo.]
"Mama raised five beautiful boys.
But I'm the baby.
Born to live freely.
Who pissed on the wall in Catholic School? [chuckles.]
Of course I raised my hand and said proudly, 'It was me.
' Leo Gallo.
Gallo.
Italian.
Spanish for rooster.
" - [man laughing.]
- [Leo.]
I've been trying really hard - to fucking write one song - [woman laughing.]
that encompasses who I am and, uh, it's really difficult.
- [Margo laughing.]
- [Carly.]
It's so hard to describe you.
[Margo.]
And why it's so exciting to watch you? You were in the trenches.
In the studios, being told what to do, being told how to do it.
You're a happy guy.
There were times when you weren't.
When you were angry, when you were frustrated, when you didn't know where you were going or why you were going.
You have a gift and you've got to use it.
You need to take what you do and go out there and do it.
- [Leo.]
I'm a very lucky man.
- [chuckles.]
- [Margo.]
Yes, you are.
- I love you guys.
[Leo.]
You have to surround yourself by people that inspire you.
My mom always taught me to find the blessing and, uh, my father, he just wasn't there.
I never really felt as if I could go to him and talk to him.
His lack of deeper love has allowed me to dig in life and figure out my own way.
Oh, the one And only Me [all cheer, applaud.]
[Keith.]
James.
When I was 17 I went [shouts.]
fucking nuts! I had drunk myself into a blithering idiot already at some house parties.
[James.]
Hey, could I please have two coffees? - [woman.]
Drip coffee? - [James.]
Yes, please, thank you.
[indistinct chattering.]
Dude, I've been wanting to get fucked up really bad.
What, like, the last couple of days or today? [James.]
Today and yesterday.
The day before.
But I haven't.
[Ali sighs.]
Thanks, man.
It's tough, dude.
And you're doing the shit right now.
I fucking relate to that.
I'd, uh I'd get, like, a little time, abstinent, and then everyone would be proud of me and they're like, "Dude, you're doing such a great job.
" And meanwhile I'm like, "Okay, I can hang in this conversation for ten more minutes and then make an excuse to go to the liquor store.
" - I fucking need a drink, you know? - [Ali laughs.]
At 28 years old, like, "I need a drink, I can't deal with this.
" You know, the first few days, like having been fresh from beingÃÂ vomit-y and shaky and sweaty - and my liver hurting - [Ali laughs.]
The first few days after that, I was like, "Thank God.
Anything but that.
" But now that I'm starting to feel good again, it's that voice that's like, "You're not an alcoholic, dude.
Come on.
" You're going through the thick of it right now, man.
But you're doing all the right shit at the same time, like You're calling motherfuckers.
You're doing the deal.
You're being honest about it.
That's the main thing, man.
My whole life, I wanted to be playing music to, like, bajillions of people onÃÂ a stage.
I've just envisioned it my whole life.
And I I know that with that comes the resources to hole up and never have to, like, be a person again.
Why is that so appealing? Like, "I won't have to talk to anybody anymore.
" - [Ali laughs.]
- "I can just hole up in my house and just drink myself to death in peace, finally.
" It's that facade.
You're like, "I've got to hide the ugliness.
" It's rough.
That's That's a big thing, right? Like a feeling like there's something inherently wrong with you that other people can see.
[Ali.]
Yeah, it's tough, dude.
It'll fucking kill you.
[music playing.]
[inhales sharply, sighs.]
Okay.
[both laugh.]
[Ali.]
All right.
Sun swam under the golden cloud Shook my head and looked around Climbed up onto my motorcycle And tried to steel my nerves I took the Hollywood freeway Sixty-five miles an hour Feeling like I was learning to fly Pinned that throttle back And nearly crashed into a curb Ooh, the burn Ooh, the burn [applause.]
[Keith.]
Pia, you're up.
[Pia.]
Safe behind my Avatar [Keith playing piano.]
Safe behind my Avatar Whoa - [playing stops.]
- [applause.]
[Keith.]
Austin appears.
How has this process been for you so far? Recently, within the past couple of sessions, especially, like, workshops, I felt like I was gonna have to carry the tune on my back with the songs.
[Sean.]
I felt like the last workshop And I had a conversation with Keith.
I was like "Man, why didn't Austin have, like, a fucking full blown-out song?" Was it because you just weren't excited about it? [Austin.]
If it's one song that really sums up me as an artist, I want it to be insane.
Where I didn't have something to show was because I really wanted to take the time and think, like, "Let's give this song the attention it deserves.
" We have deadlines of things that we need to have ready to present, because at the end of day, like, I want you to succeed as an artist in every single way.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- And if that means you being a part of this live show and expressing yourself in this live show as well, amazing.
But if you feel like your brand is more being an individual artist, like, at the same time, - I'm like, "Amazing.
" - Yeah.
Do that.
I wanna make sure that we're all on the same page.
This is my shot.
And it's like there's nothing that's going to stop, you know, making this theÃÂ biggest, hottest success.
[Austin.]
Will it ever be enough? No matter how far my progression and my obsession takes me I know that it is an empty, unfulfilling road.
This is my self-sabotage, my poison in my antidote, my flame and suffocation.
Though it is a curse, one that keeps me restless night after night, running through every possible scenario in my head to obtain a goal which was cultivated when I was only 11.
The anxiety seeps deep into my chest like hot tar that lines my rib cage.
In my mind, I pray that all will work out.
It's either music or nothing.
Success or death.
[Austin plays piano.]
Just take a minute And what do you see? These diamonds and pearls That my mother gave me I keep them on unintentionally They make me the man That I'm trying to be Oh, whoa I say life goes on after the song I say oh, whoa I say life goes on after the song [applause.]
[Keith.]
Arika.
[Keith plays piano.]
There's been one too many times I've been caught in the front line In life Yeah A lover don't do well in lust So in this life I don't do well with trust Yeah Gonna win this war alone for me Wanna be good now No, I should now 'Cause shit may hit the fan But you won't knock me where I stand - Hey, baby, why you looking so rude? - Hey, baby They say you need a new attitude [laughter.]
Well, if I had a dime for every time Some motherfucker crossed the line I'd buy a time machine Go back and whack your mom just You're fucking me up! You're fucking me up, Keith! [Keith plays piano.]
Let's start at, "Hey, baby.
" Five, six, seven, eight.
- Hey, baby, why you looking so rude? - Hey, baby They say you need a new attitude Well, if I had a dime for every time Some motherfucker crossed the line I'd buy a time machine Go back and whack your mom Just before your dad could Plant the seed [all cheer.]
But I can't Whoa.
Afford to waste my To waste my time Not this time 'Cause shit may hit the fan But you won't knock me You won't knock me You can watch me You've got to watch me All y'all, watch me! [Leo.]
Yes! I'm gonna be good I'm gonna be good now [piano plays.]
[applause.]
[Keith.]
Everyone, amazing work.
Thank you.
Dinner time! So interesting.
[Sean.]
Yeah.
I've so many thoughts.
[Keith.]
I know.
Yeah.
I'm a little concerned about Arika.
- Me too.
- Just emotionally.
[indistinct chattering.]
- [Keith.]
Something's going on.
- [Sean.]
Yeah.
[Leo.]
Hey, you.
You fucking killed it.
[Arika.]
What fucks me up is that I really, really care about this.
And I honestly feel like the only part I'm important at is when it comes to people's fucked up lives.
Like, I do not feel important singing with you all.
- I don't feel important collaborating.
- [Leo.]
Why? But I want you to understand that this wouldn't be as powerful if it wasn't with you.
- [Arika.]
I know.
- [Leo.]
Okay.
Then it's just your feeling.
[Arika.]
They can get every cute white girl in the world that can hit them Celine Dion notes, but they are not me.
[Leo.]
Exactly.
We don't want no fucking cuteÃÂ Celine Dion girl.
We want your fucking soul.
- [Arika.]
I'm just hella frustrated.
- [Leo.]
Mm-hmm.
[Arika.]
Because someone needs to make sure that we're feeling fucking okay and protected in this process and not feeling so fucking stressed out.
I don't know emotionally how to do it anymore.
It's pissing me off.
[Leo.]
Of course.
I can't do it.
- You don't have to.
They want this shit.
- I can't do it.
I suppress all this shit and then it comes the fuck out.
[Leo.]
Don't fucking suppress the fucking shit out of shit.
- [Leo.]
I know.
- This is my whole fucking life.
- [Leo.]
I know.
- Like fuck.
[Leo.]
It's a lot.
[voice echoes.]
It's a lot.
Hey, it's a lot.
[indistinct chatter.]
[Arika.]
It's just a feeling of apprehension.
Being this vulnerable.
And an industry that is totally overpopulated with a bunch of people that are just trying to exploit it.
[Keith.]
I just want to make sure that everyone hears my sincere thank you for sharing yourself, for sharing your work and your patience and everything with this process.
What's really important to me right now is that you're not unhappy in the process.
You are the writers.
So this is collaborative.
I just want everyone to not feel like they're being exploited.
And now I'm being whored out for my troubles of my life.
Fuck that.
I don't [sighs deeply.]
[cries.]
[Keith sighs.]
[exhales.]
[voice breaking.]
The fun of art is that it helps you see your own life more clearly.
But life is hard.
And so art is hard.
And you always feel like it's bullshit.
You always feel like you're being exploited.
You feel like you're exploiting yourself.
You write a line and it's terrible.
Then someone says they love it and then another person says they hate it.
The whole thing is terrible.
Lexi's new monologue that we didn't get to hear is all about why the fuck do we even do this to ourselves? Because we had experiences as an audience member that helped us as a human and we said to ourselves, "I want to be the one who helps others humans.
" Then you realize it's hard.
[sighs.]
It's hard to be the one who helps other humans through your art.
And then you go, "Why do I get to be the lucky one who gets to share themselves in the hopes that maybe it'll resonate for someone else?" It's fucked up.
So when I give you these fucking notes, just know that it's not personal, that you were each fucking awesome.
And we're all really lucky to be the ones who get to sit here.
Fuck.
SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma