Why Are You Like This (2018) s01e05 Episode Script

[suspenseful music plays]
- [alarm beeps]
- And we're good.
Ramadan Mubarak, bitch.
Mia!
I don't want it.
Ooh.
What?
I just saw a really ugly baby.
It's like the forehead came first,
and the rest of the face
is still trying to catch up.
You're lucky I'm trying to feel peaceful
towards all mankind this month.
Oh! The sincere self-reflection is
the worst part of Ramadan.
What?
[opening theme music plays]
Gary, I love you!
- How long do you have him?
- [Mia] A whole week this time.
- No!
- What?
Mia's doing Ramadan.
Nothing can pass her lips until sunset.
- Not even water.
- Isn't that illegal?
What should be illegal is my parents
inviting annoying Muslims to my house
every single night this month.
I keep coming home
to 25-year-old virgins in my house.
OK, being sex-positive means
we also have to respect the non-horny.
You try respecting this.
Look at the shit this girl Munia posts.
I think it's sweet.
This is a war crime.
Isn't Ramadan also about,
like, being kind?
I'm kind.
She sucks.
I think part of being kind is, like,
not yelling about how other people suck.
You sound like Samara.
Fine, I'll stop.
Oh yeah?
I can stop.
Being… you?
Yes, you top bun bitch.
Wait, did you hang out with Samara
without me?
[Mia] Penny, I don't mean to upset you,
but I'm always hanging out with people
without you.
Well, I'm sure that won't upset her.
I'll hang out with people
without you, then.
You sound crazy right now.
Oh yeah?
Well, watch me
make a new friend right now.
Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- This is Gary.
Oh, he's so cute.
This is Kevin.
Oh, I love pugs.
Did you know their eyes are prone
to popping out of their sockets?
What?
If it ever pops out,
just make sure to put a damp cloth
over the dislodged eye
and rush to the vet.
Or it'll dry up.
Wow, are you guys going to have
a sleepover later?
By the way, I'm going to be late
to Bec's party.
I have to go to Aegis first.
Can you afford Aegis?
I'm just going to get some free samples
to cure my depression.
Um…
Not for her! It's Rambutan.
Excuse me, Miss,
would you be willing to assist in this
Literally never.
It'll only take a moment.
I'm sure magic made your dad
pay attention to you, or whatever,
but you need to stop before you give
the whole city clinical depression.
You don't have to be nice to magicians.
[ethereal music plays]
[bell dings]
Hi, I'm Clementine.
And I'm Seth. Welcome.
[Clementine] Welcome. How can we help you
meet your skin goals today?
Oh, um, I was just hoping to get
some samples if possible.
Yes. Of course.
Oh my gosh! Austin!
Oh my gosh, Ben. Hi.
[Ben] I haven't seen you
in Toorak in forever.
Yeah, I moved closer to the city.
I've been performing so much
that I had to cut down the commute.
The little sparkle show you used to do
at the talent assembly every year?
Wow.
Are you a fan of this place?
Oh yes. Oh, I couldn't live without Aegis.
It's pronounced Aegis.
Um
The samples you requested.
Oh!
Oop, between pay checks, are we?
Oh no, no. These are
for my impoverished housemate.
I'm I'm here to purchase,
like, multiple products.
Oh.
Wonderful!
Yes, wonderful.
So, what can we pair you with today?
Um… thank you.
[hip-hop music plays]
Mia!
Mia!
Twice in one week!
How are your parents?
Munia!
Who let you in here?
I know Bec's housemate, Tamzid.
Oh. You gonna pray later, or…
Yeah, we've got a room set up and
Cool. I'm gonna have some fun now.
Mm, now this is particularly good
for dry, dull, tired skin.
Oh, you're quite puffy here.
Do you cry a lot?
Only, like, tears of joy.
Yeah, no, really, like every day.
Just so happy.
[Clementine] Mmm.
As if it's not enough seeing Munia
at lame family stuff,
now she's at our parties?
Oh, did I miss you bullying her?
[Mia] I know we're supposed to be
practicing kindness
and restraint this month.
She just makes it so hard.
[laughter]
[ethereal music plays]
These stones were impregnated
with botanicals
to emit a calming evening fragrance.
Mm.
Great, I'll pop one
behind the counter for you.
Wow, the packaging is so minimal.
Yes.
There's no, like, numbers or anything.
Yes.
Not even like the price.
[laughter]
Yes.
[phone pings]
[all] Hi!
[groans]
I don't personally believe in astrology,
but I'm not one of those people
who'll scream at you if you do.
Good, because those people
seem like they're just mad
at the idea of women having fun.
- Well, I guess you could say I'm with her.
- [laughs]
- I guess when you
- Where's the bathrooms?
Oh, hey, Austin.
I think I'm about to panic shit my pants.
I was making a friend!
Also, I'm gonna need you to drive home.
How was Aegis?
Aegis, actually. It was great.
I bought so much stuff.
I thought you were getting
free samples.
It's an investment in myself.
You seem really stressed.
I'm fine. I'm moisturized.
Unbothered.
[man] Good on you for fasting today.
I did Sehri with my mum and everything,
but then the KFC app told me
the tower burger was back.
You made your aging mother
make you food at 5 a.m.
and you couldn't even keep
your covenant with God?
It has a hash brown in it.
Does your mum know you lied
to the Almighty for a fried potato?
No. You know what? I'm sorry.
That was unkind of me.
It's fine that you're a terrible son.
You'll hate me less
when you've eaten in…
15 seconds.
Break the fast!
Break the fast! Break the fast!
Five, four, three, two, one!
Bismillah.
[cheering]
[upbeat music plays]
[hip-hop music plays]
I love dates.
They've got a lot of calories
in a small package. Great for fasting.
Yum!
Do you want a drink?
There's no alcohol in it, though.
Oh, I'm not drinking tonight.
Us either!
You should come meet everyone.
I'm Munia.
I'm Munia. I mean, you're Munia.
I'm Mia. I'm Penny!
That's fine. Come on, let's go.
[Austin] I'm just,
I'm no longer interested in drag.
Like, it's such a confining art form.
Aren't you that guy who broke your back
at that competition?
Um, sprained.
But randomly,
that had nothing to do with it.
Hey, you missed the chant.
I was making friends.
With who? The date?
Did you know dates are good
for Ramadan because they're calorie dense?
[Mia] You know
what else is calorie dense?
Doritos.
Come on.
We're doing Inception bombs.
[Penny] I said I'd be back
with lemonade.
[Mia] Come on, come on.
What's an Inception bomb?
It's when you drink a drink
it makes another drink go in a drink
and then makes another drink.
It's based on some Batman play.
I'm driving now.
And thank you so much for doing that,
Penny.
One Inception, please.
Your time is now ♪
Yes! ♪
[heavy electronic music plays]
And it's not going to be easy ♪
Sometimes we might feel lost
On the way ♪
But if we persevere ♪
Oh, this life sure will be beautiful ♪
We need more liquid.
We need more liquid!
So will you stand with me? ♪
Cause, honey
I'mma need all the help I can get… ♪
- Here's the lemonade.
- [Munia] Thanks.
Also, I love your top bun.
Oh, thank you.
[cheering]
[heavy electronic music plays]
Now I'mma get a little nasty… ♪
Woo!
Yeah!
[pop music plays on stereo]
Penny! Please.
Borger.
No, Penny, please, bed.
Bed, bed, bed.
It's almost time for Sehri.
Mia has to eat.
Ugh!
Interesting that you want every single
Muslim on the earth to starve to death.
Oh!
Paying together or separate?
- Separate. Just the hash brown, please.
- Yeah, no worries.
Um, that didn't go through.
Oh my god, that is so weird.
Maybe it's, like,
a problem with the connection?
- Do you want to try again?
- No.
Oh, Austin,
did you get identity thefted again?
[Mia] Ah, OK.
The prophet said that I gotta have
this burger before sunrise,
so if we can hurry the fuck up.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
[hip-hop music plays]
[hip-hop music continues softly on stereo]
I love food!
I'm so excited for Iftar tomorrow!
What are you doing for Iftar?
I'm getting Muslim beers
with Samara again.
Sorry, Muzzos only.
Well, I made new friends
and I'm seeing them tomorrow anyway.
We're doing charity.
With who exactly?
Taz, Munia, Arzu
[Mia] Munia?
Penny, she is the most annoying person
I know.
- She's nice.
- She's dumb.
What's the point of wearing a hijab
but still going to parties with boys?
So are you starting
this whole kindness thing tomorrow, or…
We all pick what we like
out of our religion,
and she picks the most boring shit.
Why doesn't she have premarital sex
and cry about the infinite mercy of God
twice a year like the rest of us?
I miss Gary.
Well, they're my friends now,
and you're supposed to be being nice.
Well, you're making this very hard for me.
Mia, I owe you for the hash brown, OK?
It was a dollar.
Do you need to borrow some money?
I did the numbers
and there weren't a lot of them,
but I should be fine until next week
so long as nothing else goes wrong
Argh!
[sighs]
Is the spare tire in the boot?
Yeah. Yeah, I have a spare tire,
Penny, like a king.
Potatoes.
Halal.
Bacon?
Haram.
Pilates?
Not forbidden, but not recommended.
Meghan Trainor?
Categorically haram.
Why do you smell so good?
Balms.
Balms?
Austin, this is too many balms.
I don't know what happened.
But now I'm poor,
and I need to fix my car.
Well, that can wait, right?
Just catch public transport.
Ew.
There's a tram stop
right outside your house.
Stop it! I'm gonna be sick!
Pick up some drag gigs, then.
I'll transfer you money for today.
[Austin] I'm done with drag.
It's hack and stupid
and only stupid people succeed at it.
I explained this last night,
after you yelled at the tow truck driver
for offering you gum after sunrise.
It's the holy month.
Where's Penny?
She's at that fundraiser
with her new pals.
This has gone on long enough.
She's gonna end up
accidentally donating to Hamas.
Wait! What do I do about money?
Get a refund! I need to save Penny.
Beautiful Gary, what do I do?
Oh, I just love the cold weather.
Really? That's funny,
I'm more of a spring girl myself.
[Munia] Mia!
Three times in one week!
What are you doing here?
You proved whatever point you were
trying to make about having other friends.
It's… I like Munia. She's nice.
Mia, let me know if you want to help
and I can get you a name tag.
Oh my god, she's so boring.
If she talks to me for longer than
90 seconds, I might mercy kill myself.
She's actually been telling me
really interesting stories.
Like, for instance,
she went on holiday last month
Oh yeah, I'm sure
her no-alcohol, no-sex holiday
to somewhere pointless like Canada
was fascinating.
- How did you know she went to Canada?
- See?
By the way,
we get free food later for helping.
Wow, Munia, that is so nice.
Thanks, Munia. How are you?
Oh, I'm good.
I've been working on a really exciting
project at work, designing dams.
Wow, dams!
What about you?
What are you up to these days?
Oh, nothing as interesting as dams.
I better get back to it.
Our entertainment just dropped out
and I have to find a replacement.
Stop bullying her.
That was barely bullying.
Could we try to get to zero bullying?
[sighs] Oh, another unrealistic
expectation for women.
I'm going to sleep at yours.
Will you walk Gary?
Yes, I'll walk Gary.
[Penny] Thank you!
Jacinta, hi. It's Clementine.
No, I'm on the phone. Thanks.
[door bell rings]
[Ben] Oh, hi, Austin.
Back so soon? I loved everything
I bought yesterday so much,
I just came by to grab some extras
[whispers] Cut the shit, Ben.
Neither of us can afford to be here.
Speak for yourself.
I've been doing great since high school.
Oh really? You can afford Agave
and Jasmine Post-Sun Serum, can you?
I can. It complements the Pre-Sun Serum.
Who needs that many serums?
People need serums!
No one needs serums!
Oh god, you're right!
Austin, help me!
My parents cut me off.
I'm freelancing.
I'm freelancing!
Get it together!
How? This place is designed to trap you
with good smells.
I think there's something in the stones.
It's the botanicals!
Just breathe.
We can get a refund.
Ah, I've gotta go.
Um, just some poor people coming up.
Oh, thank God we did not get that refund.
People need serums.
They do! Oh, I'm getting an Uber.
I have no money.
Oh, me neither.
Shit in my sandals, they've done it again.
Excuse me, Miss, would you
Oh. Never mind. Sorry.
Why don't you do
one of your tricks for me?
Really?
OK.
For this trick, I'll need to cover
your eyes with my kerchief.
Close your eyes.
You know, if you didn't say words like
"kerchief," you might make some friends,
and then you wouldn't have to be
a magician.
Hey, Gary!
I just let a magician interact with me.
Do you believe I'm nice now?
You were nice… once.
A magician, Samara. A magician.
And I'm about to be nice twice.
What do you want? I'm buying.
You reckon it's better
to break the fast with a light beer?
Maybe.
Where is my…
What?
[fast-paced music plays]
The magician!
He did a Prestige on me.
That's not
you have got to watch more movies.
See, this is what happens
when you put kindness first.
I don't know if one guy robbing you
means you should never be nice.
Being nice to everyone means
you end up being nice to dickheads.
It also means being nice to nice people.
And Penny, who thinks I should be nice,
is hanging out with conservative idiots
who think their hair makes men sin
and that being gay is bad
and that dogs are haram.
Jatz are dumb!
[Munia] All dams have seepage
to a certain extent.
Right.
But there's a problem
if there's extensive seepage.
That's a common problem with aging dams.
Speaking of aging, I really think
Leonardo DiCaprio is going to hold onto
this girlfriend even after she turns 26.
That's like real love.
Why wouldn't he?
He's just really into young
Never mind.
You know how I was telling you
the difference
between rigid dams
and embankment dams?
Yes.
Well, the seepage you'll see
in a rigid dam
will be totally different
to that of an embankment dam,
purely because of
Hello, everyone.
This is Gary.
Gary, come here! I missed you!
Penny, is this your dog?
I'm dog-sitting.
Do you think you could send him home?
Oh, didn't you know? Dogs are haram.
What, like their existence?
That's not technically correct.
The Muslim community does have
mixed feelings about dogs.
I'm sure he's very nice, but could we …
Still wanna be friends with these losers?
Well
They probably think being gay is a sin.
Austin?
Exactly.
They wouldn't even talk to Austin.
Austin!
[Austin] Hi!
Thank you so much
for doing this last minute.
We've got your fee covered.
Oh, really, the money is nothing.
I'm just so happy to be here
for this school assembly.
I thought you said
doing drag was hack now?
Shut the fuck up, Penny.
Hey, I hope it's OK
that I brought my less talented assistant,
Benjamin, along?
[applause]
["Bounty" by CLYPSO plays over speakers]
OK, so I was wrong
about them hating gays,
but they're still really annoying.
They're annoying?
Mia, you've spent all day
in the holiest month of the year
trying to sabotage a charity event
just to prove a point.
Penny, it's OK. We're not mad at Mia.
Munia, this has nothing to do with you.
You're very nice, but if you say
one more thing about dams,
I'm gonna go find a dam and jump off it.
Nobody cares about dams!
Penny!
Could you please keep your voice down?
What are you gonna do, panic shit
your pants again, you vodka-skittle bitch!
You need to be in therapy.
Constant therapy.
Everyone has to think of Austin.
We can't let anything happen to Austin,
like you're a little Fabergé egg.
You need to learn how to pick yourself up,
because I'm tired of doing it…
[punchy music plays]
I don't think Penny's very nice.
Yeah.
Do you want to play Scrabble
with us Friday?
Fuck no.
You'll be my deputy ♪
Why you look so hazy ♪
Catch me, catch me if you can ♪
Got the jewel in the hand ♪
Me, I fight like a woman ♪
This going get too crazy ♪
Round and round and round we go ♪
Where we fall no one know ♪
Take a blow to the ego ♪
Now we hunt the bounty ♪