Wizards (2020) s01e05 Episode Script

1
Meow.
-[zaps]
-[Nari chuckles]
Isn't it fun?
[chuckles] How do you feel?
Renewed.
You-- I saw you as a child
in the Wild Wood.
[Bellroc] Nari has a habit of playing
with humans,
despite my warnings.
[Skrael] It survived the reincarnation.
-[Morgana gasps]
-Hmm.
Surprising.
I told you she could, Skrael.
So old, and they still haven't
learned manners.
Who are you?
Well, I am Nari of the Eternal Forest,
and that is Skrael of the North Wind,
and that is Bellroc.
[Bellroc] Keeper of the Flame.
We are the First.
We have watched over majicks
since the stars were young.
But man has destroyed the balance.
[Bellroc] Just as they tried
to destroy you.
But you brought me back. Why?
Because you can right
what the mortals made wrong.
[Bellroc] You come from their world,
but fight for ours.
You will be the Eldritch Queen,
Mother of Monsters.
You will be the instrument
of our reckoning.
I accept this gift.
You're doing great, Claire.
[grunts, giggles]
[grunts, chuckles]
[screams]
Channel your emotions.
-Good. Now, let the world drop away.
-[laughs, crashes]
[inhales, exhales]
[yawns]
[shrieks]
[grunts]
[grunts]
Well, that's new. [purrs]
What? No, don't-- Cut it out!
I'm not a cat. I'm a dragon, currently.
-[Aaarrrgghh roaring]
-[both gasp]
-[Jim faintly] Hey, Aaarrrgghh!
-[gasps]
-Jim!
-[Aaarrrgghh] Or I crush skulls!
Jim! Jim!
-Can you hear me?
-We're not joining Gunmar!
He can't hear you.
It's a vision of some sort. But how?
I just really wanted to see Jim,
and there he was in the shadows.
Who else can-- Huh?
[screams]
I will find a way inside those walls.
Even Merlin will never expect
By nightfall, I'll strike down
my traitorous brother and Camelot,
-ending a century of injustice.
-[Claire gasps]
-Oh, no.
-Morgana
It can't be.
You! My handmaiden, spying in the shadows?
[screams, grunts]
-[screams]
-Oh, man, this is one sweet tooth.
She needs a name. Biter!
No, no, no. Dental Destroyer! [grunts]
Ooh, Molar Murder.
[chuckles, grunts]
-[screams]
-[both grunt]
-Ha! [screams]
-[Claire grunts]
-Ow!
-She's back! She's back!
Slow down, slow down.
Who's back?
Morgana's alive and coming for us.
[Morgana grunts]
-[cackles]
-[Claire pants]
[Douxie whistling]
[theme music playing]
-I swear, Morgana's not dead!
-Rubbish.
It's true, master.
She saw her in the Shadow Realm,
which is great for saving history.
But she's coming to attack
the kingdom any second!
Which is less great.
We are all in grave danger.
And what were you doing
in the Shadow Realm, hmm?
Its dark mirrors trick you,
sozzle your mind.
Morgana is dead,
and no magic can change that.
I haven't time to chase ghosts.
We have more immediate threats.
Morgana is a threat!
Listen well, girl.
Even if she had cheated death,
we don't stand a chance if Gunmar attacks
before I finish the amulet.
I've got everything, master.
Amulet designs, alloys for the heart,
and my lute for some background music.
-You're working on getting us back home?
-Of course.
The heart is the only way
to get the lot of you out of my hair.
-Not that he has much left. Ahem.
-I heard that.
Master, Claire's onto something.
I know you think
we're a bunch of dumb teens,
but we have to defend Camelot
from disaster.
Silence!
Wizard got your tongues?
If you truly believe the kingdom's
in danger, then go protect it outside.
I've an amulet to finish.
-[sighs]
-[crowd cheering]
Good people of Camelot,
we've suffered many hardships.
Our enemies claim that I am broken.
But I have overcome.
Behold the light of Excalibur reborn!
[muffled grunt]
[coughing]
-No sign of Morgana anywhere.
-[coughs]
Nothing but unwashed plebeians
stuffing their faces, eh, Steve?
[Steve] Oh, yeah!
-A mighty leg for a mighty warrior!
-[camera shutter clicks]
-Uh, do you take credit cards?
-The monsters at our door will fall.
To ready our hearts for the battle ahead,
I host a private tournament.
[cheering continues]
-The winner shall stand at my side
-[chuckles]
and have the honor of striking down
the monster, Bular the Butcher!
[roars]
[screams]
-[roaring]
-[crowd screaming]
[roars]
Join Skullcrusher, or I crush skulls!
-Whatever!
-[roaring continues]
This is disastrous.
We cannot join Gunmar's army.
-Murder's not my forte.
-Agreed, but we cannot die either.
Let me talk to him. We go way back.
-No, no!
-[Jim] Aaarrrgghh!
I know under that rocky exterior
you're the kindest, most lovable--
Look like Troll, smell like human. Impure!
[roars]
Hey, hey, big fella, no need for violence.
-[roars]
-[grunts]
Join Skullcrusher, or I crush skulls!
The brute certainly has
a limited vocabulary.
He does get the message across.
We're not joining Gunmar!
Not now, not ever!
Yeah! I don't like the taste of people.
They're too stringy.
Then die! [grunts]
[Callista grunts]
-[grunting]
-[roaring]
Come on! Dwoza, stand up!
Fight for what you believe in! Guys?
Good luck or goodbye. Whichever!
Looks like it's just us, Cal.
[chuckles] See you on the other side, Jim.
[yells]
[roars]
-[swords clanging]
-[man] Swing harder! Come on!
-[Oh!
-[chuckles]
We know Arthur is the main target.
I'll draw stasis traps
around the perimeter,
put up defensive wards--
[grunts] Mm.
[muffled] I forgot how good these tasted.
-The ones in the future aren't the same.
-[groaning]
Guys, this is Morgana we're talking about.
We can't just wait for her
to slice our throats.
-Why not?
-She'll find a way in.
-[boy] Yeah!
-[screams]
[boy] I, noble King Arthur,
will strike down the terrible Trolls!
[girl] I will protect you, Troll!
I am Morgana, the evil witch!
Shadow bolt! Shadow bolt!
[boy] You betray me, the noble king?
-Die, sister! Die!
-That's enough!
[crowd gasps]
-[roars]
-[screaming]
-[indistinct chatter]
-[clears throat]
I crave a true battle.
Let the tournament continue.
[crowd cheering]
No sign of any sorceresses.
Then again,
all you humans do look alike.
She is crafty.
She'll try to infiltrate the tournament.
We have to go on the offensive,
root the witch out!
You do that, we'll secure the castle.
Douxie, wait! What about Steve?
Time to invent the all-you-can-eat buffet.
Many brave warriors
representing Camelot today, such as
squire Steve?
Who the what?
I didn't put my name in the tournament!
No, I did!
Time you showed off all my training.
[knight] I can't feel my legs!
[exclaims] But I'm not a knight yet!
I haven't grown a sick beard
or named my axe.
Also, I'm supes full of turkey.
It's not going well in there.
You'll fight under my banner.
And as for a name-- Toothache, obviously.
-Toothache Oh, yeah!
-[chuckles]
Facing off against the Rose Knight
is Steve of Palchukia!
[cheering]
That's right, plebes!
[chuckles, clicks tongue]
The right choice! The only choice.
Behold, the host with the most.
The best in the west!
The undisputed Spring Fling king!
Combatants, prove thine honor. Begin!
-[bell clangs]
-[yelling]
-[screams, groans]
-[crowd gasps]
-[Steve] I can't feel my legs. Oh, no.
-Yeah!
Oh, no. Oh, no, no. Pepperjack?
[groaning] Pepperjack?
Pepperjack?
[whimpers] Where's Pepperjack?
Hmm.
[man grunts]
Just a few more defenses.
Morgana's planning something
that no one would expect.
[man groaning]
You've forgotten to sharpen
my steel, squire.
Where is your mind at?
I must claim victory for my dark queen.
Morgana's champion.
-The Knight of Skulls is scary, ain't he?
-[gasps]
-[grunts]
-[Galahad] Not sure where he's from.
I hear he fights like a demon.
Or for one.
[guard] Only knights fighting
in the tournament are allowed past.
Ugh. Boys' clubs.
And there!
The king's chambers and Merlin's tower,
completely warded.
No evil sorceress
is getting in now, eh, Arch?
Oh, you've done it, all right.
Overdone it.
[gasps]
-[yelps]
-Well, at least the castle's safe.
Oy, the king summons you!
-Come with me at once!
-What--
[roaring]
[grunting]
Fight back!
Can't. I'm a pacifist.
Pathisist?
[roars]
What is pa-ci-fist?
Someone who refuses
to participate in a war!
-A peace-monger!
-A conscientious objector!
-[groans] Thanks, Blink.
-[growls]
-[grunts]
-[yells, grunts]
[water drips]
[growls]
Keep him busy, kid! You got this!
-What? Where are you go--
-[roars]
Blinkous, you know
how we're both complete cowards?
You more than me,
but that is an accurate statement, yes.
Perhaps the Jim Troll Boy was right,
and to do nothing is as bad
as doing the wrong something.
Yep, got a point.
Your words have moved me, brother.
We seek to expel these invaders
for peace and harmony!
Who will stand
with the pacifist alongside us?
[cheering]
-[all] Ooh!
-Whatever.
-[growls]
-[both gasp]
-[both scream]
-[Blinky] Never mind! Let us in!
Wait, stop.
-We'll stand by insi--
-[both scream]
-[roars]
-[Callista grunts]
-Heads up!
-[both scream]
Drinks are on me. [grunts]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[growls]
Oh, not so tough now, are you? [chuckles]
-Yes! Yes!
-[both laughing]
Band of brothers, we did it!
All of us, heroes of equal measure.
-My idea all along.
-[laughing]
-[all] Ooh!
-[growls]
Glad to see you guys finally came around.
[Bagdwella] Let's boil him!
-[yelling]
-Die, Scum-Gumm!
[Jim] Whoa! Stop!
-You can't kill him!
-Why not?
I know he just tried to break, like,
all my bones, but there's other ways.
Well said. We'll torture him!
-[cheering]
-No, pebble brains!
He's saying, we don't have to be
like Gumm-Gumms.
Huh?
We can be better.
Then what are we to do with him,
Mr. Moral Superiority?
Perhaps, Blinkous,
since it was your idea to snare the brute,
you should be in charge of his care.
-[growls]
-Me? And that thing?
Oh! Such an honor!
Congratulations, brother.
I hate you.
Great, grumbly gruesome.
[Galahad] We have reached the time
that's not the beginning,
but not the end.
A half-time, if you will.
Enjoy this match of misfits, my lord!
This is thoroughly degrading.
[grunts, yells]
Ugh, I thought the king was in danger,
not looking to use my friend
as a sideshow.
Perhaps we can arrive
at some sort of mutually beneficial-- Oh.
[grunting]
[Archie shrieks, grunts]
-Mm.
-Why couldn't I have fought a gnome?
I could've taken him. [belches]
-Easy.
-Lift your spirits, lad.
You'll have your moment.
-[babbling]
-All right, that's enough.
You have awoken the beast.
[crowd cheering]
Not bad for a winged pest.
Now, the formidable Knight of Skulls
and his challenger,
Sir "Clairee" of the House of Nuenz!
What is she doing?
[grunting]
Hey! No fair, ref! Time out! Time out!
[yells]
[grunts]
Sorcery? That is forbidden!
Where is Morgana?
What is a Morgana?
-Your queen!
-Queen Sophia of the Dhar'k Isles?
-[whimpers] Don't hurt me!
-But-- [screams]
[crowd gasping]
The witch is disqualified!
You both fight with no honor!
Begone!
Hail Morgana!
No!
-[yelps]
-[crowd gasping]
A changeling? Protect the king!
That's it! Charge!
[grunting]
[groaning]
[Bular growls]
Run free, Gumm-Gumm prince!
[grunts] At last. [roars]
[grunting]
You'll die in Camelot, butcher!
[roars]
[explosions]
[roars]
[growls]
-Stay back!
-[changeling] Fools.
I've already won.
[explosions]
-Merlin's tower!
-Good call with those defenses, Doux!
-Yeah, but they won't last long.
-Oh, no! Douxie!
-What?
-The other Douxie!
With the man bun, in the tower?
Oh, fuzz buckets!
[in Morgana's voice] Nowhere to run now,
brother?
Morgana? What is this horror?
A taste of my newfound power.
And now, it is your death.
Someone needs to slay this foul demon.
Fight by my side?
Heck, yeah! Let's creep slay!
[both] For Camelot!
[Steve] Die, creeper!
[yelling]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[grunts, yells]
-[Claire gasps]
-[people screaming]
And so they worked
Throughout the night ♪
Magicians fighting for what's right ♪
-Hisirdoux, what's that awful noise?
-[rumbling]
I call it "The Rose of Ambrosius."
We have to go!
But I'm in the middle of creating
Dworkstone?
We need a way out.
Already ahead of you.
[grunts]
Lance, there's no knight-dudes left!
Camelot is in peril.
This is your moment, Steve of Palchukia.
[yelling]
[in normal voice] Flee, squire.
This isn't your fight.
Wrong, dude! I'm a knight!
Viper Punch!
-[grunting]
-[Past Douxie screams, grunts]
-[groans]
[yowls]
Camelot is closed, Morgana.
-[grunts]
-[yells]
[yelling]
[grunts]
[snarling]
[explosion]
[sighs]
[exhales]
You fought with honor, friend.
It looks like Camelot has a new knight.
For your valor, I dub thee
Sir Steve of Palchukia!
[whooping, grunts]
-Steve, you did great.
-Eh-eh, please.
-Sir Steve.
-Don't push it.
[Skrael] Morgana's plans
have proved fruitful.
[Bellroc] Merlin and the king still live!
[Morgana] Patience, Bellroc.
This is only the first step.
Camelot's defenses are destroyed
her best knights injured or dead.
-Is it safe?
-[man] Not now.
[woman] Oh, my.
[woman] Oh.
Look at all this.
[Past Douxie] Oh, my everything hurts!
[groans] I think I'm gonna stay in here
a bit longer.
We need allies in the war to come.
Our enemies are many,
but how will we face them alone?
I am a king with half an army.
-Jim.
-Right.
Then we go to the good Trolls.
[Gunmar] What is this?
Who destroys Arthur's keep
without my orders?
[Morgana] His successor.
[grunts] What is this?
A demonstration.
Behold what my majicks have wrought
upon our common enemy.
Merlin's witch speaks truth.
She broke my chains, freed me.
You betrayed your own kind?
You are my kind.
Trust in me,
and we will have victory in Eternal Night.
[theme music playing]