Wizards of Waverly Place s01e05 Episode Script

Okay.
- Whole wheat, no crust, $5 in a bag.
- Yeah.
You might wanna put a jacket on because it's very chilly outside.
Fine.
Stop all the racket, l'll wear a jacket - Hey.
- Hey.
No, not, ''Hey.
'' l meant, hey.
And when your mom said to put on a jacket, she meant go get one, not pop one on.
What's the big deal? lt's just a jacket.
The big deal is today it's just a jacket.
How long is it gonna be before you're popping a calculator into your math test? First it's cheating on math, then it's cheating on everything.
Then this happens, then that happens.
Then you're in jail.
This happens and that happens? l just didn't wanna walk upstairs.
Well, walk upstairs, take that jacket off, then come back down and put it back on.
Anything to keep me out of jail.
Hey, Maxy.
What's in the box? Oh, it's my Mars diorama for school.
Where's the Mars part? lt's just a bunch of beach sand.
Well, it's a pretty barren planet.
What's ''barren'' mean? Sandy? We'll discuss this later.
You need to work harder, young man.
Come on.
Let's get your sandbox to school before a cat finds it.
You see? Now l'm late.
- Can you at least write me a note? - Sure.
Okay.
Dear principal, Alex is late because her dad is a meanie for not letting her use magic to zap a jacket on.
Okay, l'll run to school.
Hey, there's T.
J.
Hey? Are you a--? Would--? You just-- Wha--? Feel-- Wizard! Excuse you.
Hey, guys, that kid's face reminded me.
Wanna get some pizza? l'll show you a pizza.
What did you say, kid? l said, l'll show you a pizza.
You're always doing that.
That doesn't even make sense.
l'll show you what doesn't make sense.
Dude, get a new insult book.
l'll show you a new-- Hey.
Nice shirt.
- l'll show you a-- - Save it.
So your shirt appeared on your body as if by magic.
Yeah, l change fast.
You know, l'm a quick-change artist.
l was thinking of doing it for the talent show.
You're a wizard.
You mean with tools.
Like the ones l used to build the clothes rack? Yeah, l'm kind of a wizard.
No, a wizard as in potions and brooms and spells.
Come on.
A wizard? Okay, l guess l was wrong.
See you around.
Sorry, l'm a klutz.
- l saw that.
- Okay, okay.
l'm a wizard.
Don't tell anybody.
lt's okay.
Because guess what? l'm a wizard too.
You are? - Prove it.
- Okay.
How many fingers am l holding behind my back? - How is this gonna prove anything? - Just guess.
- Four.
- None.
lt's my foot.
Oh, nice.
The Feet for Hands spell.
l totally forgot about that one.
Show me how it works.
l can't.
My parents are really strict about magic.
l could get in so much trouble for just doing that.
Oh, that's lame.
As long as nobody knows l'm a wizard, my parents let me use magic whenever l want.
You're so lucky.
l can't even magically switch my jackets without my dad threatening to send me to jail.
l don't know how you survive in this world.
lt's so hard being me.
- Are you hungry? - Starved.
- l'll show you starved.
- Okay, dude, you've gotta stop doing that.
Mustard or ketchup? The works.
- Aren't you gonna pay for those? - Oh, right.
Wow, your life is so much easier than mine.
l'd have to walk all the way over there, ask the guy to make me a hot dog.
l would've been exhausted.
Hey.
- l said ''hey.
'' - Will you get in here? Okay.
So l met an interesting guy at school today.
For the last time, l will make my own friends.
Thank you.
You're making it so hard to be excited about something.
This guy is a wizard like us.
Really? A kid from our school? Oh, that is so cool.
What's his name? Does he seem nice? We should have him over.
See, this is how you're gonna ruin it.
Just listen.
lt's T.
J.
Taylor.
T.
J.
Taylor's a wizard? Then that magic act he did at the school talent show was fake.
l mean real.
Which is what made it fake.
He needs to return that first-place ribbon, l'm making a call.
Wait, Ju-- Justin.
Forget about the ribbon.
Do you know his parents let him use magic whenever he wants? Just think about how our lives would be.
l could read books in the dark.
Magic is a waste with you.
Besides using magic for what electricity can do, we need to get Dad to let us use magic whenever we want.
Don't you already do that? Yes, but l'm tired of getting in trouble for it.
So l'm gonna tell Dad about T.
J.
Maybe that will get him to loosen up on the rules.
But l love the rules.
Remember that summer when he said l could go to bed whenever l wanted? l was a mess.
Well, rules bore me.
l'm gonna go talk to Dad when he's his happiest.
After dinner and before pro wrestling, when he's rubbing his belly.
Yeah.
Magic whenever you want.
No.
But, Daddy, T.
J.
's parents let him use magic all the time to do whatever.
lt's not fair.
Well, T.
J.
Taylor's parents aren't your parents.
My house, my rules.
Get your own house, you can make your own rules.
Fine.
And that's not me giving you permission to conjure up your own house.
Shoot.
Dad, do most Martians wear tin foil or catcher's equipment? And you want me to add freewheeling magic to this chaos? Hey, you guys.
We're five minutes away from pro wrestling.
Oh, gosh.
l've turned into my mother.
Okay.
Honey, Alex ran into another wizard at school and now she's talking all kinds of nonsense like, ''Oh, l wanna do magic whenever l feel like.
'' l don't talk like that.
There's another wizard family? Because, you know, l would love to meet the parents and compare notes.
When you guys come over, l wanna make sure your parents convince my parents that everyday magic is okay rather than the other way around.
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
Oh, you don't know our dad.
He'll throw a tantrum.
And you'll know because it sounds like this: Alex.
Who cares? All right, okay.
A couple of years ago, l got into trouble for using magic.
My parents tried to send me off to military school, so l put a charm on them so no matter what l do, they go along with it.
l mean, they're not even like parents, they're more like my little robots.
You charmed your parents? You're kind of scaring me a little, but l'm feeling a lot of respect.
Okay, so it is set.
l will clear my parents' schedule, and we can come over for dinner tonight.
Great.
There.
They're free.
- You didn't even use a spell.
- Oh, right.
See, spells are like training wheels.
When you're really good, you don't need them.
This is your Mars project? Yep.
That's not a Martian.
That's you in a Martian mask.
How do you know that's me? That could be a real Martian, and l just happened to catch a photo of him conducting Earth gravity experiments.
On a ride called Trip to Mars.
Yep.
Hey, look what l found in a plastic bag upstairs.
My old bowling shirt.
l thought you threw this out.
Jerry, when you find something in a bag with used floss and empty shampoo bottles, it was thrown out.
Honey, l want you to put something nice on for the Taylors.
lt doesn't matter what l wear to tell them what they're doing wrong with their kid.
Oh, so the freewheeling magic starts now.
- Look, they popped in.
- That's right.
No one had to get the door.
What's more courteous than magic? Nothing.
l'm Theresa, and this is my husband Jerry.
- This is my wife, Lori.
- l brought you this noodle kugel.
Oh, thank you.
Two of my favorite things, noodles and funny words.
Though l'm also a fan of the chocolate-chip babka.
Hey.
T.
J.
, Justin and l would love to show you the lair.
- Okay.
- No, l wouldn't.
l'm staying here to watch your plan blow up and pop.
Metaphor.
Well, l'll be the one laughing like a hyena.
- Simile.
- No.
Animal joke.
Oh, no.
lt's kind of chilly down there and you don't have a jacket.
lf only you could zap yourself a jacket.
Don't be silly.
He's a wizard.
And l don't want my little boy to be cold.
l can take care of this, no problem.
Toasty.
Wherever l go.
Oh, look, honey.
There's a wood-burning stove in the middle of our loft.
There's nothing strange about that.
Oh, look, it's moving.
Nothing strange.
Not too close to the shelves.
We need those books so we don't look like we watch too much TV.
- Here's our lair.
- l'll show you a lair.
You weren't kidding.
He really does do that.
My whole house is filled with magic stuff.
l mean, there's this one room, you open the door, it's a black hole.
l know.
Cool, right? Your life is so great.
l just hope your parents convince my parents - we can use magic with no rules.
- You don't have to worry about that.
Well, my dad can be pretty stubborn.
Not after he eats the kugel, he won't be.
Well, what does that have to do with my dad? Oh, the charm l put on my mom and dad, it's in the kugel.
lt's what gives it the cinnamony flavor.
So wait.
When our parents eat it, they're gonna be under the spell too? You're welcome.
This is great.
The only thing that could possibly make this better is if Justin were here to hate it.
Don't you think it's a little irresponsible to let T.
J.
use magic whenever he wants? Cinnamony.
Yes, it is completely irresponsible.
What? l thought it was okay for him to use magic.
lt is absolutely okay for T.
J.
to use magic.
That is so right.
You know, l like your parenting style, Taylor.
What do you think, honey? The only thing l like better than freewheeling magic is this kugel.
What? - Dad, you hate magic without rules.
- Relax.
Have some kugel.
l'm allergic to cinnamon.
That's why l get my own pie at Thanksgiving.
Oh, yeah.
The bland pie.
Oh, so l see you enjoyed the kugel.
- Oh, kugel.
- Max.
Alex.
l don't believe it.
Your misguided plan actually worked.
The Taylors convinced Mom and Dad to let us use magic whenever we want.
And now you can read in the dark all you want.
l'm happy about that, but a little bit guilty.
And also suspicious, and a little bit hungry.
Hey, Mom, l don't know what to wear.
Oh, well.
What are you thinking? Well, l'm thinking instead of trying a bunch of stuff on and showing you, it'd just be easier to do this.
- ls that okay? - lf it's okay with you, it's okay with me.
Just making sure.
- Thank you, kugel.
- l love that kugel.
Okay.
So l like the shoes on this one, but the shirt's too light, and the hat's cute on this one.
- Well, l think-- - Oh, that's the one.
- Thank you, Mom.
- You're welcome, sweetie.
A catwalk.
Oh, this is awkward.
Oh, shoot.
l'm hungry.
l forgot to eat breakfast.
Comemakeus Pancakeus l made it.
l missed the subway.
Well, why didn't you use magic to transport yourself here? Have you used any magic since the rules were lifted? - Yes.
- Besides reading in the dark? Then, no.
l haven't had time.
l overslept so l was late.
That's the perfect time to use it.
You're afraid, aren't you? - No.
- Prove it.
Use magic right now.
That's not magic.
How do you know l didn't forget my locker combination and then use magic to remember it? Because you made up a locker combination song.
Right to clear it Come on, let's hear it Twenty-three Left eight digits but don't fidget Thirty-one Now for the last, don't go too fast Six, and you're off to class Miss Weston didn't like my Aliens on a Rollercoaster project.
She is so obsessed with this Mars thing.
Well, if she loves Mars so much, why doesn't she marry it? Perfect.
Justin.
l'm gonna show you how to enjoy using magic in a way you'll understand.
You're gonna help Max with his Mars project.
- Transportium-- - Oh, no.
There is no way l'm going to the surface of-- --nextorbitorium, Mars.
lt's all sand.
My shoebox looked just like this.
This is dangerous, Alex.
We shouldn't be here.
Hey, get a picture of me by this rock.
Would you stop it? There are no Martians.
Cool.
Hey, look, the Mars Rover.
No, not cool.
Don't break it.
This doesn't look right.
lt's back online.
These rocks will be great for my report.
No, no.
Max, come on.
We're going.
You can't upset the natural order of things.
What are you talking about? lf we can't take rocks from Yosemite, l'm pretty sure we can't take them from Mars.
What is your problem? l can hardly believe Mom and Dad would be okay with this.
Of course they're okay with it.
Just like T.
J.
's parents are.
That's what charming your parents means.
Mom and Dad are charmed? What? How? When? Who? - Mom and Dad.
- What? How? When? - At dinner.
- What? How? - lt was in the kugel.
l think you know what.
- What? - We have to fix this.
- lt's already fixed.
- We can use magic whenever.
- That's what l'm trying to fix.
That's not fixing anything.
Transportium nextorbitorium Guys? Guys? Guys? They ditched me.
This is just like the mall.
What's that spell again? Comemakeus Pancakeus l remembered.
Mom.
You're charmed.
Yes, l am.
Thank you, honey.
- You don't mind? - Of course she doesn't mind.
l don't mind anything.
Not even that there's a big piece of space junk in my living room.
ls that the solar-powered toaster l've always dreamt of? No, it's the Mars Rover.
And guess what it's not doing.
Roving Mars.
Oh, the Mars Rover.
That would be great for Max's project.
- Max! - Max! Oh, my goodness.
We left Max on Mars.
Oh, isn't that nice.
No, you don't understand.
l left Max on Mars.
l should be in big trouble right now, and Dad should be fixing it.
What's to fix? Max will be fine.
Just use the spell you used to go to Mars to get him back.
You mean you don't even care that we left our brother on Mars? We're just happy you're all having fun with magic.
lt's not about that.
lt's about you not caring and l'm disrupting a million-dollar space program.
- Billion dollar.
- Billion dollar? Billion-dollar space program.
And l'm scared.
- Scared's good.
- No, it's not.
lt's dangerous.
- Dangerous is good.
- No, it's not.
That's why we have rules.
So we don't do anything that's scary or dangerous.
Are you saying that you want rules? Yes, l want rules.
More importantly, l want my parents back.
Snap out of it.
You're under a spell.
Oh, isn't that nice.
She put a spell on us.
Okay, you take the rover back to Mars and get Max.
l'm gonna figure out how to reverse the spell on Mom and Dad.
To the thinking chamber.
You mean your bedroom? - Do you want me to help you or not? - Sorry.
To your thinking chamber.
Whatever you did.
Okay, go.
Transportium nextorbitorium You guys like the brownies? Delicious.
ls there any more kugel left? No.
Oh, it's good to be home.
You were there a long time.
You probably have to go to the bathroom.
No.
Did that in Yosemite too.
Brownies? This is what your thinking chamber came up with? lt turns out the cocoa powder in the brownies reverses the spell.
That's ridiculous.
Why is there red dust all over my living room? lt's-- There-- Mars.
Who--? Alex.
Maybe it's not that ridiculous.
Not to mention she left me on Mars.
He's right.
lt's all my fault.
You are in so much trouble, young lady.
l know.
Here you go.
Alex and Justin were happy to make you these brownies.
T.
J.
says eating brownies is against the law.
That law was overturned yesterday.
lt was in the-- l mean, don't you read the papers? Yeah.
Delightful.
Delicious.
Where is T.
J.
? He's busy riding up the side of the Empire State Building on a skateboard.
l made it.
l made it all the way to the-- Brownies.
You're in trouble, young man.
l'll show you trouble.
That was never funny.