Wizards vs. Aliens (2012) s01e05 Episode Script

So many stars So many other worlds And we were up there.
On an alien spaceship.
We thought we knew everything.
There's always more to life than you think.
Imagine if my mates knew what I was up to.
"Tom Clarke is "Star Wars - vwoom! The Next Generation!" Vwoom! Vwoom! Vwoom! It's not a game, Thomas.
I know, Grandmother! But yeah, all those worlds, the Nekross, that might just be the start of it.
There could be more! Oh, now, you mustn't go thinking like that.
We have to start fighting back.
For real, I mean.
Tom? We have to get them before they get us.
And you're going to have to start teaching me some proper magic.
Like warrior stuff and all that.
Tom Don't get carried away.
Magic doesn't work on them, and And you're up way past your bedtime.
Now, come on, shoo.
Shoo! HE SIGHS Night, night.
Sleep tight.
And blessed be any wizards out there in the night.
Halt, wizard! What? OK.
Well, you're not a dragonkind and you're definitely not the last of the unicorn.
What are you? I am Varg, first born of the Might of Nekron.
Slayer of the Android Armies of Dokkaben.
Devourer of The Royal Court of Orion Five.
And you are a wizard.
You burn with magic! I'm Jackson Hawke, Slayer ofAngry Birds.
Devourer of pizza and chips.
And you're an alien.
You will be transported to my ship and your magic will be extracted.
The Nekross shall feast! You want magic? Gah! DISTANT CHANTING What Where are we? Now that's magic.
Ah, here he is.
I got a letter from the school.
Oh? Says your grades are slipping.
Yeah, well, there is this alien invasion happening, Dad.
That's no excuse, Tom.
You won't get anywhere in life if you fail your exams.
I'm trying my best.
It's just It's difficult.
I don't get what's changed.
I can't use magic anymore, can I? I have to save my spells in case the Nekross attack.
Wait, you were using magic to do your homework? I'm a wizard, aren't I? If I have magic, I'd be stupid not to use it.
Right, you'd better get to school but I want you straight home tonight.
We need to have a serious talk about this.
No park.
No Benny.
No football.
You come straight back here.
You hear me? Yes, all right, Dad, I'm not deaf! Stop doing my head in! Oh! Oh, I wouldn't go in there for a few minutes, love.
Can't you teach me a spell to make people disappear? Dad is driving me up the wall.
Oh, don't even joke about such things! Now, stop being a little grump cos tonight I've got something very special for you.
Guess what? Stone script! Stone.
Script? Stone script! I'm so sick of stone script and history and "our responsibilities as wizards"! DOORBELL RINGS Avengers assemble! I mean, there are aliens up there and all Dad can go on about is this place.
Well, it is a big academic year.
And the thing is, I am trying, that's what gets me.
- Perhaps he's just worried about you.
- But will he listen? No.
You say your parents are weird but at least they care about you.
- He's right, though.
It is an important year.
- Great.
Take his side.
I'm not taking his side.
It's all right for you.
You're clever.
You don't even have to try.
That's not fair.
I work really hard.
Don't give me that.
You're a geek.
You've got it sorted.
Well, that's just rude! You OK? Yeah, just tired from that party last night.
- It was epic, literally, the best party of all time.
- What party? - Jade Sowersby's.
- Oh.
- I don't remember seeing you there.
- Yeah, she doesn't have my number.
I'm not being funny, mate, that's not why you weren't invited.
Don't be daft.
It's me.
Who doesn't want a bit of Tom Clarke at their party? How do I put this nicely? We lost the Cup Final because of you, you're hanging about with that little nerd all the time.
You're the school's biggest sad-case.
Oi! Moose! Spectacular.
You were defeated by a halfling? His magic was more powerful than any I've encountered on this planet.
Attend your King! BOTH: Hail the might of Nekron! My offspring.
Is what I hear true? It was not my mission, Father.
I did not fail you.
So it is true.
Varg, my son? It wasn't my fault! How can you expect me to capture a wizard whose magic can harm me? You dare question me?! A thousand apologies, Father! My son, you are aware of the Skorpulus? GROWLING It has been growing since our arrival here.
Father, please, no! Can you hear him? ROARING My little pet is not so little any more.
It is ready to feast! Most Excellent Majesty, Might of Nekron, I will bring the wizard to you, I swear it.
You have one Earth day, Varg.
If you fail, the Skorpulus shall devour your bones.
GROWLING AND ROARING Where's Moon? Oh, er snoozing somewhere, probably.
SNORING Yes.
That'll be it.
Good.
I could do without him sticking his Hobgoblin nose into this.
Did you know Tom had been using magic to do his homework? Oh, that's what you were arguing about this morning.
Oh, dear.
That's not an answer, Ursula.
Did you know? No, of course I didn't.
Though I can't say I'm surprised.
He's a wizard, - and a teenage one at that.
- That's the problem.
He can't just rely on magic to get by in life.
I've always tried to teach him that, but Magic is a wonderful thing, Michael.
Tom is special.
He doesn't need magic to be special.
Of course he doesn't.
And I know that all this must be difficult for you at times.
You're Unenchanted.
Don't do that! Don't wave that Unenchanted flag in my face.
I'm his dad! That's what matters.
I know I can't teach him anything about being a wizard but I can teach him how to be a good man and that's what's important.
Of course it is.
I'm sorry, Ursula.
Sometimes there's - I wish - I know.
Somehow, even with the magic, she made everything normal.
And she had a job, she had a life.
Whereas my life is this.
I'm sorry, Ursula, but yes.
Wizards have been hiding for so long, Michael, from those that hunted us and persecuted us.
We've even hidden from each other.
I know.
And sometimes magic itself is where we hide.
I don't want that to happen to Tom.
It won't, and that's because you're Unenchanted.
You give Tom balance, Michael.
That's important for a young wizard.
Thanks.
Go back to the house and ring him.
PHONE RINGS What? All right, mate? That's a nice phone.
Right, yeah.
- Thanks.
- You going to hand it over, then? I'm not in the mood for this.
Yeah, well, I'm stealing your phone, so I'm not really bothered what mood you're in.
- Look, just give it back.
- Going to make me? If I have to.
Oh, right.
Yeah, you know karate or something? Something like that.
Look, just give it .
.
back.
- Get off me! - Get his wallet.
Lads, you better let him go.
- Who are you? - I'm Jackson Hawke.
Now, let him go.
- Seriously, mate, I'd stop there if I were you.
- Oh, mate.
You picked the wrong bloke to start on.
Nah, see, blokes like you, you're just bullies.
It's all about intimidation.
Well, how's this for intimidating? How'd you - What? - You really want me to explain while you're dressed like that? Or shall I show you what else I can do? Good job I was passing.
That magic, what was it? I'm a wizard.
It's what we do.
Not like that! I know.
- I'm a wizard too! - Yeah, I know.
- I could smell it on you.
Why do you think I helped? - But I Who are you? Like I said, I'm Jackson Hawke.
See you around.
ALARM BLARES Magic! I do not understand! I thought the wizards had shielded their world from our detectors.
That's how powerful the halfling's magic is! I told you! So this was him - the wizard who defeated you? It isincredible.
Look.
He is dangerous.
And delicious! PHONE RINGS 'Are you skiving?' Miss Poacher's going mad.
"We can't do Romeo and Juliet without Romeo!" 'Minty's saying he'll do it 'but do you really want him being Katie's Romeo?' Tom? Can you hear me? - I just met another wizard.
- What?! Who? Where are you?? Lansbury Avenue.
The place is boarded up, but he's in there.
What about school? I'll call you back.
Lansbury Avenue? - QUINN: - Poor Romeo! He is already dead.
Stabbed with a white wench's black eye.
Shot through the ear with a love song.
VIDEO GAME PLAYS You followed me, then? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
It's just I've never met another wizard my age before.
What's your name? I'm Tom.
Tom Clarke.
So, come on.
Why shouldn't I just burn you out of existence? Cos I could, you know.
Reckon you could stop me? What? Mate, I'm joking.
This place is really cool.
Yeah, it's all right.
Why, is not this a lamentable lamentable thing, grandsires? Grandseer, that we should be thus afflicted PHONE BEEPS So, what school do you go to? I'm at King's Park.
I don't go to school.
Ah.
You got a job? No.
So, what do you do, then? Hang around.
Mess about.
Chill.
What about your parents? My parents? - There he is.
- Do you remember making that at primary school? You're my little star today! They're not around any more.
But what's with all the questions anyway? My favourite colour's blue, I hate Lord of the Rings and I can't stand sprouts.
- Anything else? - No, just Thanks for helping me, I guess.
Bye, then.
That's it? - Oh, you think cos we're wizards, we should be bestie buddies? - No, but - Bye-bye, Tom Clarke.
- No, but listen.
There is something else.
We are in real danger.
There are aliens, the Nekross You've met them, then? - I'm surprised you survived.
- You have as well? They feed on magic! "The Nekross shall feast!" We went up to their ship! What? Really? What was it like? Big.
Really big.
And you should see their King, you've never seen anything like him.
- He's like a face offat.
- Hold on! If you're going to stay and tell me about this, then The wizards shall feast! Of course, he's not the first to have magic that can effect us.
You remember the Archmage of Sirius 12? He turned Nekross after Nekross into dust! I do hope this halfling doesn't do the same to you.
He won't! I'll crush him! I'll extract his magic, then I'll crush his bones to dust! And if you don't, Father will eradicate you and I shall be heir.
I am aware of this, sister! But a wizard with such power, just imagine what he can do.
So these Nekross, where have they come from? The planet Nekron.
They appeared out of the blue and came after us.
- Have you seen themfeast? - No, but I met this kid.
- Only, draining his magic had turned him into an old man.
- No way.
- Do you know any other wizards? - Nah.
They're soGandalf, you know what I mean? It's all prophecies and "Use your magic wisely, my child!" I just want to have fun.
I wish someone would tell my Dad that.
That's parents for you.
We've got magic, Tom.
It's like every day is Christmas.
And that's three-nil to me.
METAL RATTLES Benny? - All right? - What are you doing? Were you spying on us? No! I thought Tom might be in trouble.
You weren't replying to my texts.
Jackson, this is Benny.
He's a mate from school.
- You hang out with an Unenchanted? - I know all about the magic.
Benny helped us against the Nekross.
- Really? - Yeah, a couple of times, actually.
So are you going to invite me in? Nah.
Let's go to the park.
Ha! Yeah, right.
The park.
Like, what are we? 12? No, park sounds good.
Fancy a kickabout? Yeah.
What position do you play? Idon't really.
Benny's got two left feet.
And they say wizards are the freaks! What are you doing? Continuing my scan of Target Zone Zeta.
You need to use stealth.
You need to be cunning.
You cannot just rely on force.
Do you think Father would really throw me to the Skorpulus? He has wiped out entire worlds.
He devoured his own brother to take the throne.
You really think he would let YOU live? But Then I wouldappreciate your assistance, sister.
I'm sure you would.
But why should I help you? If I fail, I die.
But if WE succeed, then Father will reward us both.
Locate the wizard and wait.
Find out where he sleeps and attack at night.
Humans are even more pathetic alone in the dark.
From my studies, I have discovered they fear monsters that hide under the bed and in the shadows.
This wizard is a mere halfling.
Become his greatest fear.
So you escaped the Nekross by using magic against them? Sort of, yeah.
I created a Banishment Charm.
Using that different magic I saw? What different magic? The thing is, we're special.
What we've got is so fantastic because what we've got is power.
Look at them.
One click and we can make them do anything.
Yeah, but we're not meant to use magic on the Unenchanted like that.
Why? Says who? We can do what we like.
Come on, let's have some fun.
- (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) - "Ooh, milkshakes! Ooh, I love you.
" Stop it! JACKSON WHISPERS INAUDIBLY No, I can't! I dare you.
I double dare you.
- Tom? - Do it! Maifash-braak-dah! GIRL SHRIEKS Epic.
Absolutely epic.
- (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) - Bye-bye, now! My dad would be furious if he knew what I just did.
But you had fun, yeah? - It was fantastic! - It was cruel.
- What do you mean? - What you just did, that was bullying.
You humiliated those people.
Never really saw you as a bully, Tom.
It was just a bit of fun! I'm not a bully! I hate bullies.
Then why are you acting like one? Why are you doing what he tells you to? What's it got to do with you? You're not my dad! Lads, lads, calm down.
Look, I'm sorry if I've been rude.
I'm just excited about meeting Tom cos he's another wizard.
I've not had many friends before, so it's just It's nice, you know? Not being lonely any more.
Look, why don't you get us some cakes? That way, me and Tom can have a five-minute wizard chat and then we can all do something together.
The three of us.
- Yeah? - All right.
- Come on, let's get out of here.
- What? Who you going to choose, Tommy boy? Me or him? At last! I've boosted the signal from earlier and managed to pinpoint it to a specific habitation module.
Now you know where he lives, where he sleeps.
Good hunting, brother! - I still feel bad about ditching him like that.
- He's fine! You'll see him at school.
Now, how many spells you got left? - Two.
- Cool.
You can get the pizza.
Or you could always go back and have an iced bun with Benny(!) PHONE RINGS DOGS BARK Cheers.
You all right, boys? - What you having? - Meat Feast.
Got to be the Meat Feast.
Cool.
Got any cash? Give us a minute.
We're wizards, Tom.
We don't need money.
I dunno.
Isn't that stealing? Look, if you don't want to do it, that's fine.
I'll head back to mine, then I'll see you around, yeah? You know, if you're chicken.
Can I get aMeat Feast and a Seafood Special with extra anchovies? PLASTIC CLATTERS That's 15 quid, boys.
Pay the nice lady, Thomas.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
£15, yeah? Why are the cute ones always so slow? Hey! I'm the cute one.
Go on, Tom.
Just do it.
Right.
Cos the thing is Meesch-gann-dah! Thank you.
Here we go.
Keep the change.
Oh, thanks, boys! That was terrifying! Free pizza.
Like I said, every day is Christmas Day for wizards.
You're right.
We can do anything! We're the kings of the world!! Where is the wizard, runt? Tell me or be disintegrated! It'sGrim Magic.
I'll enjoy your screams as it eats you alive.
You can't use your magic for fun anymore because of the Nekross.
- So if we destroy them - Cat's claws and monkeys paws! Grim Magic! - Magic doesn't work on them.
- Grim Magic does.
- Avengers assemble! - A wizard's done this to him.
- What is this Grim Magic? It's dangerous magic, Michael.
- We're going up to their spaceship.
- Bring it on! ALARMS BLARE What is happening?