According To Jim s01e06 Episode Script

"AND BAGGY THE BAG "FILLED HIS TUMMY FULL OF GROCERIES AND WAS THE HAPPIEST BAG IN ALL OF BAGVILLE.
" BOY, YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING, HUH? KIND OF MAKES YOU THINK, DOESN'T IT? OKAY.
THAT'S IT.
DADDY, READ US ANOTHER ONE.
AW, COME ON.
HONEY, IS DINNER READY YET? IT'S 4:00, JIM.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL READ YOU ANOTHER ONE, BUT I GET TO PICK THE STORY.
OKAY.
OKAY, DADDY.
ALL RIGHT, THIS ONE'S CALLED "BAGGY AND THE SPORTS PAGE.
" LOOK.
THE CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS BEAT THE CALGARY FLAMES ONCE AGAIN IN OVERTIME.
WHERE'S BAGGY? HE'S COMING.
HE'S COMING.
OH, QUARTERBACK TRENT GREEN IS STILL QUESTIONABLE FOR SUNDAY'S GAME AGAINST THE TITANS, SAID BAGGY.
HAH! OH, BABY.
OH, HONEY, WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
OH, SWEETIE, I'M SORRY.
DANA FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT.
DANA? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO USE IN MY COFFEE? WOW.
I BET THIS WOULD BE GREAT WITHOUT COFFEE.
I WANT SOME, TOO, DADDY.
ME TOO.
OH, LOOK, A MOTHER SPARROW FEEDING HER BABIES.
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
HEY, YOU READY FOR YOUR BLIND DATE TONIGHT? OH, I CANCELED.
WHAT? YOU WERE SO EXCITED ABOUT IT.
NO, HE'S A LOSER.
YOU SAY THAT ABOUT EVERY GUY YOU GO OUT WITH.
NO, NO, NO, THIS TIME IT'S NOT ME.
LISTEN.
* WICKY, WICKY, WICKY * * I'M LARRY LAWRENCE, CPA * * YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME 'CAUSE I'M AWAY * * GO, LARRY, GO, LARRY * * GO, GO, GO, LARRY * OH, GOD.
YEAH.
IT GETS BETTER.
UH, IF YOU'D LIKE TO LEAVE A MESSAGE FOR MY MOTHER, UH, PRESS 2.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT MY LIFE IS COMING TO.
AW, DANA, YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S FRUSTRATING, BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY OPEN BECAUSE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, MR.
RIGHT WILL COME ALONG.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED FOR ME.
OH, MY GOD.
HEY, THAT'S MY BACON.
HEY! I'LL BRING HOME SOME BACON TONIGHT.
HOME? YOU DO KNOW YOU DON'T LIVE HERE, RIGHT? DANA, WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME GET THE GIRLS READY FOR SCHOOL? OH, SURE.
AND WOULD YOU MIND TAKING YOUR TOOTHBRUSH OUT OF MY BATHROOM? YOU DIDN'T USE IT, DID YOU? NOT ON MY TEETH.
HAH.
HONEY.
WHAT? BE NICE TO DANA.
SHE'S HAVING A ROUGH TIME.
SHE HASN'T MET ANY GUY SHE LIKES IN MONTHS.
BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS IN MY KITCHEN EATING MY FOOD.
THE ONLY GUY SHE'S GONNA MEET HERE IS CAPTAIN CRUNCH.
I MEAN, COME ON, HONEY.
SHE'S HERE EVEN ON THE WEEKENDS.
THE NEIGHBORS THINK I GOT TWO WIVES.
YOU SET THEM STRAIGHT, DIDN'T YOU? I'LL GET TO IT.
LOOK, HONEY, SOON DANA WILL MEET SOMEBODY AND THEN WE'LL NEVER SEE HER.
WELL, I HOPE IT'S SOON 'CAUSE IT WOULD REALLY BE GREAT TO HAVE A NICE QUIET MEAL WITH MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY.
HUH, BUDDY? OH.
OH.
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU GOT TO TELL ME TO FIX THIS BEFORE I JUST DO IT? JIM IT'S ON MY LIST.
OKAY.
HEY, JIM, I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE SCALE IN YOUR BATHROOM.
IT SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON 300.
HEY, DANA.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HEARD THAT THERE WAS A TRUCKLOAD OF SINGLE GUYS JUST TURNED OVER ON THE EXPRESSWAY.
IF YOU HURRY UP, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GRAB ONE WHILE THEY'RE STILL STUNNED.
WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A BAD MOOD? AW, DANA WAS OVER AGAIN, MOANING AND GROANING HOW SHE CAN'T FIND A DECENT GUY.
YOU KNOW, YOUR SISTER -- THERE IS NOTHING GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
OH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
THE GLASS ISN'T HALF-EMPTY.
IT'S THE WRONG BEVERAGE.
HELLO, BOYS.
HEY, GABRIELLE, WHAT'S SHAKING, BABY? PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.
HEY, HOW ABOUT TWO OF THOSE DELICIOUS BREAKFAST BURRITOS? AND, ANDY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE? HA.
YOU BOYS ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY.
AW, SO ARE YOU, MY DARLING.
YOU KNOW, ANDY, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY DANA CAN'T FIND A DECENT GUY.
I MEAN, LOOK AROUND.
THIS PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH THEM.
YEAH, IT'S A MEAT MARKET.
SHE SHOULD COME DOWN HERE.
YEAH? THAT WOULD REQUIRE MOVING HER ASS OFF MY COUCH.
WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY? UH, HE DOESN'T POP FOR ME.
WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY THERE? YAWN.
HOLD IT.
HOW ABOUT THAT GUY? YAHTZEE! WHEW.
CHERYL, WHY CAN'T I FIND SOMEONE? IS IT ME? AM I UGLY? OH, NO, HONEY.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
I KNOW.
HEY.
HEYOH.
AHEM.
IT'S ON THE LIST.
THERE IS NO LIST, IS THERE? NO.
DANA, JUST THE PERSON WE WERE LOOKING FOR.
WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
ANDY? SAY, JIM.
YEAH, ANDY.
WHAT'S 6 FEET TALL, BROAD-SHOULDERED AND NAMED NICK DEVLIN THE WELDER WHO WE'RE FIXING DANA UP WITH TONIGHT? GEE, I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.
THAT'S NOT HOW WE PRACTICED IT IN THE CAR.
WE DID IT A COUPLE OF DIFFERENT WAYS.
NO, NO, NO, I AM NOT DOING THIS.
I AM NOT GOING OUT WITH ANY OF YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS.
DANA, LOOK, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A GUY.
I FOUND A GUY.
HE SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
OH, I'M SO OUT OF HERE.
DANA, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE HIM A CHANCE? BECAUSE, JIM, THE LAST GUY YOU SET HER UP WITH TRIED TO PAY THE CHECK WITH CANDY.
CHERYL, SHE'S GONNA LIKE HIM.
ANDY, ISN'T SHE GONNA LIKE HIM? I DON'T KNOW.
DO YOU LIKE RAINBOWS OR SUNSHINE ORYOUR DESTINY? I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
I'M LEAVING.
YAHTZEE! HUH? CHERYL? OH, MY GOD, JIM.
HE IS GORGEOUS.
I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU.
YOU HAVE REALLY DONE IT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHILE I'M THINKING ABOUT IT, THIS PORCH LIGHT IS TOO BRIGHT.
ON THE LIST.
BEER? SURE.
DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT? THE SOUND OF DANA NOT HERE.
HA HA HA.
NOW ALL I'VE GOTTA DO IS GET RID OF YOU.
I HEAR THAT.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU'D BE OUT WITH NICK.
OH, I AM.
HE'S COOKING STEAKS IN THE BACKYARD.
HE NEEDS PAPRIKA AND SOME PRUNING SHEARS.
PRUNING SHEARS? YEAH, WHEN HE'S DONE COOKING, HE'S GOING TO TURN THE HEDGE INTO A SQUIRREL FOR THE KIDS.
OOH, TOPIARY.
HONEY, MY STEAKS? I WANTED TO COOK THEM TONIGHT FOR YOU AND THE KIDS.
WHO FIXED THAT? NICK.
HONEY, I WAS GONNA DO IT.
NO, YOU WEREN'T.
I KNOW.
I JUST THOUGHT DINNER WOULD BE A NICE WAY TO THANK HIM.
I GAVE HIM YOUR SISTER.
ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? COME ON, HONEY.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NICE MEAL WITH YOU, ME, THE CHILDREN.
I KNOW, HONEY.
LOOK, WE CAN HAVE STEAKS AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT.
STEAKS AGAIN? WELL, WE CAN HAVE STEAKS EVERY NIGHT.
WE'LL JUST GO OUT TO THE STEAK TREE AND PULL IT OFF.
CHERYL, YOU GOT TO SEE THIS.
NICK'S INFUSING THE STEAKS WITH A PAPAYA-MANGO REDUCTION.
WHAT? OH, HON -- HONEY, LOOK, I KNOW THIS ISN'T WHAT YOU HAD PLANNED FOR TONIGHT, BUT LOOK -- DANA IS SO HAPPY, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T PUT FRUIT ON STEAKS.
LOOK WHAT NICK MADE.
*TTHE CAMPTOWN LADIES SING THIS SONG * * DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH * * THE CAMPTOWN RACETRACK'S * OH, DE DOO-DAH DAY * * G'WINE TO RUN ALL NIGHT * * G'WINE TO RUN ALL DAY * * I BET MY MONEY ON A BOB-TAILED NAG * * SOMEBODY BET ON THE BAY * [ LAUGHING .]
SEE YOU LATER.
THANKS AGAIN.
DINNER WAS GREAT.
I SO ENJOYED YOUR PLAYING.
DRIVE SAFELY.
HONEY, YOU LIVE HERE.
BYE, NICK! [ Mockingly .]
BYE [ Laughing .]
OH, MY GOD.
NICK IS SO MUCH FUN.
HA HA.
YOU KNOW, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, JIM.
YOU HAVE REALLY DONE IT.
NICK IS A TERRIFIC GUY.
YOU KNOW, USUALLY, THE GOOD-LOOKING ONES DON'T HAVE MUCH PERSONALITY, BUT NICK! HA HA.
AND DID YOU HEAR HIS STORY ABOUT MINING DIAMONDS IN AFRICA? I HEARD, CHERYL.
I WAS SITTING THERE, TRYING TO GET THE TASTE OF FRUITY MEAT OUT OF MY MOUTH.
HONEY, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? NOTHING.
NOTHING.
LET'S JUST GO TO BED.
WAIT A SECOND.
WHAT? YOU'RE MAKING THE FIRST MOVE.
YOU HAVEN'T MADE THE FIRST MOVE SINCE I TOOK YOU TO THAT GLADIATOR MOVIE.
WHAT GLADIATOR MOVIE? "GLADIATOR.
" WELL, HONEY, I'M SORRY.
I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD MAKE LOVE.
CHERYL, SOME GUYS CAN HAVE SEX WHEN THEY'RE UPSET.
IAM ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH NICK? WHAT? I MEAN, IF YOU ARE, HONEY, IF YOU ARE, JUST SAY SO AND I'M OUT OF HERE.
I'LL PACK MY BAGS.
WHERE ARE MY BAGS? WE DON'T HAVE ANY.
WE NEVER GO ANYWHERE.
OH, WELL, I BET NICK'S GOT BAGS WITH THE LITTLE WHEELS ON IT PROBABLY, HUH? FOR GOD'S SAKE, JIM.
REALLY, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, OKAY? REALLY.
JUST SAY THE WORD, AND I'M OUT OF HERE.
I MEAN, YOU JUST GOT TO SHOW ME HOW THAT BANK STUFF WORKS, THAT'S ALL.
WELL, ALL RIGHT, JUST MAKE SURE YOU EMPTY ALL YOUR DRAWERS, INCLUDING THE ONE WITH THOSE TAPES YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW ABOUT.
YOU KNOW ABOUT THOSE? OH, YEAH, HONEY.
WHILE YOU'RE AT WORK, MY STEWARDESS FRIENDS COME OVER AND WE WATCH THEM WHILE WE HAVE PILLOW FIGHTS IN OUR PANTIES.
I KNEW YOU DID THAT! COME ON! I MEAN, I SAW THE WAY YOU TALKED TO HIM AND LAUGHED WITH HIM, SANG WITH HIM.
"CAMPTOWN RACES" -- THERE'S NO RACETRACK OKAY, HONEY.
LOOK, MAYBE I HAVE A LITTLE CRUSH ON NICK.
[ Sighs .]
CRUSH, HUH? IT'S JUST A HARMLESS LITTLE CRUSH.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA RUN AWAY WITH HIM.
I MEAN, HOW CAN I, HONEY? WE DON'T HAVE ANY BAGS.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
OKAY.
I'M NOT THREATENED BY THIS AT ALL.
OH, I KNOW.
OKAY.
OH, YEAH.
IN FACT, I'M FINE.
I KNOW, SWEETIE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST A HARMLESS LITTLE THING.
I KNOW, HONEY.
* DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH * THERE YOU ARE.
YOU TALKING TO ME? IS THERE ANOTHER WONDERFUL PERSON IN THIS ROOM? NO.
JIM, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR GETTING ME AND NICK TOGETHER.
I MEAN, I KNOW I WAS RESISTANT, BUT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
SOTHIS IS JUST A LITTLE THANK YOU.
WOW.
MONTANA STEAKS -- MY FAVORITE FROZEN MAIL-ORDER MEAT.
SO YOU LIKE IT? YEAH.
THANKS.
OH, DON'T THANK ME.
IT'S ACTUALLY FROM NICK.
GREAT.
I'M NOT GONNA EAT IT.
NO, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS.
PROBABLY FILLED WITH FRUIT.
JIM, WHAT'S THE MATTER? I'M JUST SICK OF NICK.
NICK IN THE MORNING, NICK AT NOON, NICK AT NIGHT.
JIM, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT NICK IS A PRETTY OUTSTANDING MAN.
DO YOU REALIZE YOUR SISTER HAS A CRUSH ON HIM? YEAH, OF COURSE I DO.
THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU? NO, I LOVE IT WHEN CHERYL LIKES STUFF I HAVE.
DOES IT BOTHER YOU? ME? ARE YOU KIDDING? HA HA.
I'M FINE.
I MEAN, WHY WOULD SHE GO FOR HAMBURGER WHEN SHE CAN HAVE SALISBURY STEAK? HA HA.
OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS.
I WANT TO MARRY NICK.
NO, I WANT TO MARRY NICK.
NO, I DO.
NOBODY'S MARRYING NICK! BEER? MAN, MY WIFE'S GOT A CRUSH ON SOMEBODY.
IT'S ME, ISN'T IT? NO, IT'S RUSSELL CROWE.
SHE LIKED HIM IN THAT, UH, WHAT WAS THAT MOVIE WHERE HE PLAYED A GLADIATOR? "GLADIATOR"! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY REMEMBER THAT TITLE? "GLADIATOR"! "GLADIATOR"! JIM, CALM DOWN.
YOU'RE LIKE MY DAD AFTER A COUPLE OF DRINKS.
WHY? I'M NOT WEARING A DRESS.
SHUT UP.
[ LAUGHING .]
NO, NO, SHE'S GOT A CRUSH ON DANA'S BOYFRIEND NICK.
HE'S ALWAYS IN THE HOUSE.
SHE'S TALKING TO HIM ALL THE TIME.
OH, THIS GUY'S IN YOUR HOUSE? YEAH.
THAT'S BAD.
YEAH.
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT HIM HERE.
I KNOW, AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A JEALOUS FOOL.
I'M SCREWED.
ALL RIGHT, AS CHERYL'S BROTHER, I'M NEUTRAL, BUT AS A MAN, I THINK YOU GOT TO PLAY THE JEALOUSY CARD HERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
NO, COME ON.
LET HER KNOW ABOUT ONE OF YOUR CRUSHES.
YEAH, JIM, THAT WAY YOU KEEP THINGS EVEN.
NICE -- KIND OF RESTORE THE BALANCE, HUH? YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, BUT SHE'S GOT TO BE HOT LIKE -- LIKE JUDY JETSON HOT.
SO WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON? I DON'T KNOW.
LET ME THINK FOR A MINUTE.
OH, I KNOW.
HOW ABOUT THAT GIRL ON THE CHANNEL 9 NEWS? OH, YES.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, NO, NO, BUT THE SECURITY'S GOING TO BE TIGHTENED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME.
OH, I KNOW -- GABRIELLE FROM THAT LUNCH WAGON.
OH, NO, NO.
UNH-UNH, JIM.
NO.
W-WHY NOT? GABRIELLE IS MY CRUSH, AND I AIN'T SHARING HER.
NO LAW SAYS TWO GUYS CAN'T SHARE THE SAME CRUSH.
RIGHT.
MAYBE NOT NOW, BUT 500 YEARS AGO WE'D HAVE JOUSTED OVER HER.
COME ON, ANDY.
YOU WERE WEARING CURLY SHOES AND A BELL ON YOUR HAT.
OH, THERE'S CHERYL.
OKAY, YOU REMEMBER THE PLAN? I MEMORIZED THE PLAN AND ATE IT.
YOU DIDN'T WRITE IT DOWN.
THEN WHAT'D I EAT? CHERYL.
HI, HONEY.
HEY, KYLE.
OH, HEY, JIM.
I'M STARVING.
YEAH.
HOW ABOUT SOME LUNCH? SURE.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO EAT? WHY DON'T WE EAT RIGHT HERE? OR WE COULD EAT RIGHT OVER HERE AT THE ROACH COACH.
NEXT.
HEY, SUNSHINE, HOW YOU DOING? HEY, SLIM.
HI, GABI.
HELLO, BEAN BURRITO.
WHAT'S THE CATCH OF THE DAY? YOU MEAN BESIDES YOU, DIMPLES? AW, YOU WANT ME TO BLUSH? BECAUSE I'M GONNA BLUSH.
HA HA HA.
UH, HOW ABOUT TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND A BEAN BURRITO? AND WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO HAVE? YOU ARE A CARD, HUH? OH, I'M THE JOKER, AND I'M WILD.
YOU CARD.
HA HA HA.
HEY, I-I'M SORRY, CHERYL.
I'M SURE THIS PROBABLY MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
WHAT, THE CARD JOKE? AW, SWEETIE, THAT WAS NEVER FUNNY.
HEY, WHOA, CALM DOWN.
HEY, YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE OUT OF HAND HERE, DON'T YOU THINK? WHAT GOES ON BETWEEN ME AND GABI GOES ON EVERY DAY.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S HARMLESS.
IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU AND NICK.
REALLY? YEAH, IT'S NOTHING.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK IT IS, JIM.
HUH? YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THIS, BUT THIS WOMAN IS TRYING TO STEAL YOU AWAY FROM ME! HEY, I'M NOT TRYING TO STEAL HIM -- OH, PLEASE.
I'M A WOMAN, TOO.
I SEE WHAT GOES ON HERE.
CHERYL -- YOU WANT HIM.
CHERYL, COME ON.
EVERYBODY IS STARING HERE.
I'M THE BOSS.
I CAN'T HAVE TWO WOMEN FIGHTING OVER ME.
I NO WANT HIM.
HE'S JUST A 3-BURRITO LUNCH TO ME.
HEY, YOU KNOW, I SAVE ONE FOR LATER.
OH, YEAH? HE BELONGS TO ME.
HONEY, PLEASE.
YOU WANT HIM? YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT FOR HIM.
ABORT.
ABORT.
WHY DON'T YOU COME DOWN HERE AND TRY TO STEAL MY MAN? STOP HIDING BEHIND THAT WINDOW, BECAUSE I AM CRAZY WITH JEALOUSY! OH, PLEASE, CHERYL, CHERYL, PLEASE, PLEASE CALM DOWN.
PLEASE, HONEY, IT'S NOTHING.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED, SWEETIE? I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, SHOW'S OVER.
I'M STICKING WITH THE WIFE.
HEY.
HELLO.
SO, UH, WHAT'S FOR DINNER? I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS THINKING MAYBE [ SPANISH ACCENT .]
BEAN BURRITOS.
HA HA.
VERY FUNNY.
SHE DOESN'T EVEN SOUND LIKE THAT.
OH, COME ON, HONEY.
IF YOU WERE JEALOUS, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME? I TRIED.
OH, WHEN? WHEN YOU WERE PACKING UP YOUR PORN IN YOUR IMAGINARY SUITCASES? HONEY, THOSE ARE RELATIONSHIP VIDEOS.
HONEY, IT'S JUST A HARMLESS CRUSH.
YOU HAVE THEM ALL THE TIME.
OH.
OH, I DO, DO I? OH, YES, YOU DO, DO YOU? WHAT ABOUT THE BLOND CASHIER AT THE SUPERMARKET? AND THERE'S ALSO THE NEWS LADY ON CHANNEL 9.
OH, OH, AND THERE'S THE GIRL AT THE LIQUOR STORE WHO CALLS YOU "MR.
NEED-A-PENNY.
" YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM? HONEY, I'M YOUR WIFE.
I KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW BEFORE YOU KNOW YOU KNOW IT.
HEY, WHAT ABOUT -- SHE MOVED.
SHE DID? I LIKED HER.
SO YOU SEE, HONEY, WE'RE EVEN.
OH, CHERYL, COME ON.
WE'LL NEVER BE EVEN.
LOOK AT YOU, LOOK AT ME.
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, HONEY, SOMETIMES I JUST -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SEE IN ME.
OH, HONEY.
I-I SEE A FUNNY, SEXY MAN WHO LOVES HIS FAMILY AND IS A GREAT DAD.
YEAH? OH, JIM, YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY.
HONEY, YOU ARE THE ONLY MAN FOR ME.
REALLY? YEAH.
UNTIL RUSSELL CROWE SHOWS UP ON OUR DOORSTEP.
THEN I'M DROPPING YOU LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES.
Dana: HI OH.
WELL, NICK AND I ARE OVER.
GREAT.
I MEAN, OH, NO! WHAT HAPPENED? APPARENTLY, NICK'S MOVING ON.
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION.
I DON'T KNOW.
FIGURES.
I FINALLY MEET THE PERFECT GUY, AND I'VE LITERALLY DRIVEN HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
DANA, YOU'LL FIND SOMEBODY.
NO, I WON'T.
I'M GONNA DIE ALONE WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
COME HERE, DANA.
COME HERE.
YOU'RE GONNA MEET A GUY OUT THERE ONE DAY.
YOU WILL.
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UP, YOU KNOW? THAT'S THE CRAZY THING ABOUT LIFE, IS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT YOU GOT TO GET OUT THERE AND JUMP BACK OUT ON THAT HORSE.
YOU JUST WANT ME OUT OF THE HOUSE.
OH, YEAH.