Agatha All Along (2024) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Hey!
[DETECTIVE AGNES] What compelled
you to break into the home
- of a decorated detective?
- Hey!
- What were you after?
- The Road.
- What road?
- You, of all people, should know.
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
got the goods to break a spell
cast by the Scarlet Witch,
why do you need The Road?
Again, who are you?
I'm
Someone's put a sigil on that boy.
A sigil is a redaction
spell that hides something.
Did you put the sigil on me?
Actually, I wouldn't know. It works
on the witch who cast it as well.
Sigils are destroyed when
they're no longer needed.
- [TEEN] How old were you?
- Thirteen, maybe.
A lot happened to me at 13, too.
Wake up. Alice. Please wake up.
Don't touch her!
You're so much like your mother.
Wait, what are you
[GRUNTS AND EXCLAIMS]
[ALL SCREAMING]
[JEN] Teen! Help.
- No! No!
- [LILIA YELLS] No!
[TEEN PRAYING IN HEBREW]
[PEOPLE PRAY ALONG]
[TEEN CONTINUES PRAYING]
[READING IN HEBREW]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[JEFF] You look like you're having fun.
Who, me? Never.
Here. Have you eaten
anything? Oh, good. Perfect.
- [REBECCA] Oh, look at you.
- [JEFF] Eat this.
We are so proud of you.
We love you more than we could ever
hope to communicate in human words.
- Gross.
- Ew, you're gross.
- You're both disgusting.
- [CHUCKLES]
Thank you for everything.
- William, come on. It's time.
- There you are.
- Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
- There you go.
["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING]
[BOY] Yeah, William!
This is so extra! Okay. Okay.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[VOICE] Welcome to the curious.
Are we looking behind us, or ahead?
Ahead.
I think.
Yeah, do ahead.
Let us see what the future has in store.
Please. May I have your right palm?
Don't tell me everything.
I don't wanna know too much.
Sorry. I
Just pretend I'm not here.
It's clear that a long
journey lies ahead of you.
This journey will be one of
great transformation and
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Your lifeline is broken in two.
[TEEN] What?
That can't be good.
It can mean many things.
It often represents personal
growth and important life changes.
You're becoming a man.
A new you.
I wouldn't worry.
The Tower Reversed.
I thought you were reading my palm.
I'm sorry. I
I just remembered something, I think.
Okay, well, I probably should
go back to the party.
Love the vibe in here, though.
It's very early Argento.
You don't need to be a psychic
to see that you're a good egg.
Enjoy the now, baby.
It's the only thing that's certain.
- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, sorry. Um, some kid
left this in my tent.
Will you make sure
that they get it back?
- Which kid?
- I don't remember.
- [MIC TAPPING]
- [JEFF] Sorry to interrupt.
We've been informed
there's something happening
with the anomaly in Westview.
Everybody needs to go home as
quickly and as safely as possible.
- [ALL CLAMORING]
- What's going on?
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
I think we have to go.
- Yeah.
- What?
- [PEOPLE CLAMORING]
- [SIRENS WAILING]
[VISION] My wife and her flying saucers.
[WANDA] My husband and
his indestructible head.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS ON RADIO]
[REBECCA SHUSHES] It's okay.
It's okay. We'll be home soon.
[JEFF] Is it going away?
[REBECCA] It looks like
it's getting smaller.
Mom, look out!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Oh, my God. William. William? William!
- [REBECCA] Is he okay?
- No, he's bleeding.
What? William, can you hear me, baby?
- Call 911.
- I'm trying.
I don't think he's
breathing. I can't get to him.
- [JEFF] It's not going through.
- William.
Oh, no. Jeff. Look.
I'm gonna flag them down.
- William, oh, no! No, no, no!
- [JEFF] Help! Hey!
I'm coming. Hold on.
[IN DISTANCE] William!
Oh, no, I can't get to him.
- [BILLY] Good night, Tommy.
- [TOMMY] Good night, Billy.
[GASPS] Tommy!
Hey, hey.
- [JEFF] Rebecca.
- [REBECCA] You're all right.
You're gonna be okay.
- Are you okay?
- Is he breathing?
- Yes, he is now.
- Okay.
- [JEFF] Thank God.
- Don't move him.
The ambulance is on the way.
[PARAMEDIC] Can you say your name?
Do you know where you are?
Do you remember what happened?
It'll be okay.
It's okay.
[TEEN BREATHING HEAVILY]
[JEFF] It's okay.
- [JEFF] There's nothing physically wrong?
- [REBECCA] He's clearly different.
[DOCTOR] I'm referring you
to an excellent psychologist.
And of course I'm here,
too, if you need it.
[REBECCA] Thank you.
- [JEFF] Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
This is where you'd say, "Since
when do you call me 'buddy'?"
Would I?
[REBECCA] Seriously? He's
gonna make fun of him?
[JEFF] She's giving me that
look. I'm doing my best here.
It's fine. Just please don't fight.
- What do you mean?
- We're not fighting.
Everything's okay. We're with you.
Yeah, sorry.
So, the doctor was saying
all the scans look clean.
And there's no signs
of permanent damage.
She thinks the amnesia will just take
a little time to resolve on its own.
That's all.
[JEFF] The really good news is
you're cleared to be discharged
as soon as tomorrow.
[REBECCA] Well, only if
you're ready. Are you?
Ready?
Yeah, of course.
[REBECCA] Okay. Home sweet, messy,
someday-we're-gonna-get-
that-bathroom-renovated, home.
[JEFF] So happy you're finally
home, William. Goodness.
Thanks.
[REBECCA] Okay. I'm gonna
change the water in this.
[JEFF] I'm gonna pop up
the AC. It's just stuffy.
- Here. Let me get this one.
- Oh, yeah.
[BARKING]
[JEFF AND REBECCA] Greg!
Greg, chill out. It's
William. It's just William.
It's probably just the smell
from the hospital or something.
Okay, come here. Come here. Come here.
[REBECCA] He looks so scared.
[JEFF] Oh, my God. This is so
hard. When will he remember?
I don't understand what's happening.
What? What is it, honey?
[JEFF] The doctor said no stress
but it really feels like
we're stressing him out.
[REBECCA] What are we supposed to do?
How do we fix this?
I just want him back!
Please just stop. Please
stop! Please just stop.
Stop what, buddy?
[REBECCA] Maybe seeing
his room will jog some
[JEFF] What if he never remembers?
What if he just stays like this?
- [REBECCA] His favorite restaurant.
- Lost, anxious, alone?
- There has to be
something. - What if
- Give me my son!
- Will he be okay?
Stop worrying!
I'm sorry. I just
Maybe you're right, Mom.
Maybe I just need to see my room.
- How did
- [TEEN] Do you mind if I
go up alone?
It's no problem. Of course.
Maybe when I come back
down, we can have dinner.
My treat.
[JEFF CHUCKLES]
My name is William Kaplan.
I'm William Kaplan.
I am William Kaplan.
[TEEN] I had fun.
And I always have fun with you.
What is this thing? You
always have it with you.
[TEEN] It's nothing.
It's a sigil. At least, I
I think it is. It's
like a puzzle. Sort of.
Puzzle?
Well, have you solved it?
No, it's
It's impossible.
[EDDIE] I'm just gonna say it.
I can't not say it.
I'm just gonna say, "William
Kaplan. I love you."
I
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Sorry. I just
- I need to tell you something.
- Really? I need to tell you something.
- Yeah, me first.
- Okay.
So this thing happens when I'm
with someone I care a lot about
and they're having intense feelings.
- I already sound like a freak
- I'm I'm into it.
The car accident.
I never told you about it, but, uh
Eddie, I
I died that night.
And when I came back, I was different.
Something else. Something more.
I'm not William Kaplan.
At least not entirely.
I still don't remember anything
from before the accident.
I just pretended to recover
so my parents wouldn't worry.
But nothing in my life has
felt normal until I met you.
But I want you to know the truth.
I want you to know the real me.
Whoever that is, because
Because I love you, too.
You love me too?
- I love you, period.
- [CHUCKLES]
For the first time.
What did you wanna
So you don't think I'm crazy?
Uh, no, I totally do. But for
completely different reasons.
You're under no
obligation to be this cool.
I do have one question.
Just one?
If you're not William Kaplan,
who are you?
- [TEEN] So I've compiled a dossier.
- Of course you have.
And no distractions, please. I'm
gonna need you to hide those arms.
So on the night of the accident,
we were only a few miles from Westview.
At the exact moment we crashed,
that anomaly was collapsing.
That big, red dome thing in the sky.
- Exactly.
- I thought that turned out to be
some Avengers training
exercise gone wrong.
You're so adorably trusting.
For those of you who are
a little more adventurous,
- you can melt the probiotic candles.
- What?
Look at her skin.
That level of flawless
should be illegal.
face mask. It's completely safe.
Okay, here.
- Oh, the light!
- [EDDIE] All right, so what do you think
this really is then?
- Aliens?
- No.
Look. Here.
See? Those are runes.
This was a spell.
Witchcraft.
People who were there
refuse to talk about it.
But I did find this guy on Reddit.
He used to live there. I'm
supposed to meet him tomorrow.
I'm adorably trusting?
We couldn't have met him
somewhere with lights or people?
- More coffee?
- This is where he suggested.
That's my point.
I think that's him.
[EDDIE] In the trench coat
hiding in the shadows? Yeah.
Who doesn't want to get murdered?
Are you CraftCrazy17?
You must be Bohnerrific69.
You can just call me Ralph.
Randall. Call me Randall.
Thanks for coming. No one
else would meet with me.
You're not wearing a wire, are you?
For what?
Don't worry about it. You
No! See! Look, look. No
wire. No need to frisk.
- [CAR ENGINE STARTS]
- Get down!
So what did you want to know?
Just start with what you remember.
I remember everything.
Wanda had the whole town acting
out this weird, sad sitcom plot.
Wanda Maximoff?
You wanna hear this or not, bub?
You couldn't move or
talk or do anything
anything on your own.
It was like watching yourself
on TV inside your own head.
But you couldn't turn it off.
It was not a good time!
Do you feel like it changed you?
Can you, like, do stuff now?
You mean, like, wake up every hour
in the middle of the night screaming?
No, like, stuff you couldn't do before.
- What are you talkin' about?
- Never mind.
Anything else of note?
Nope.
Please don't ask about Agatha Harkness.
Please don't ask about Agatha Harkness.
- What do you know about Agatha Harkness?
- Come on, man!
- Who is she?
- She's an ancient witch
who will eff your shit up.
- Ugh! Gross. What?
- What the hell is that, man?
It's witch repellent!
You fools. I'm outta here. Amateur hour.
Wait, Mr. Bohnerrific!
I just wanna talk.
Fine. Fine! You want the
full deal? I'll tell you.
But it'll cost you extra.
No problem.
[RALPH VOCALIZING]
[RALPH GRUNTS]
I didn't just suffer like the
rest of the yahoos in Westview.
My deal was way, way worse.
How?
Agatha hijacked my life!
God damn it!
She called me her husband.
But I was her puppet.
She stole my house,
completely ruined the market value.
And she made me do these
horrible things like,
I held this really nice
lady hostage in my attic.
I was a terrible influence
on Wanda and Vision's kids.
And I poisoned a dog.
Woof.
- Hey!
- Wait, Wanda and Vision have kids?
Had. Past tense. Twins.
What were their names?
Billy and Tommy.
Tommy.
[RALPH] The little speedster
and his mind-reading brother.
Well, what happened to them?
Who knows? I mean, Wanda's dead.
Word on the street is
S.W.O.R.D. used Vision for parts.
And the twins,
they just disappeared.
But you wanna know what I think?
That they got sucked up
into that red bubble thing
like everything else Wanda made.
After that, I cut and run. Left my
entire Blu-ray collection behind.
Agatha can keep my BowFlex.
I'm never going back.
Wait, Agatha is still in Westview?
[RALPH] Last I heard, she
was under some kind of spell.
Acting like a normal resident.
Sourdough starters,
potlucks, and whatnot.
- So she's harmless?
- Did I say that?
- I did not say that!
- No.
Hey!
Word to the wise,
don't go sniffing around there.
Or you'll end up buried in that
yard with that dog, or worse!
You seriously don't
know what kind of crazy
that lady eats for breakfast.
So, I accept cash or
I can give you half-off tickets
to my one man show in Paramus.
I really need to fill seats.
So what's it gonna be?
- [REBECCA] Hi.
- [JEFF] Hello.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What, no Eddie?
He had to go home.
[JEFF] Oh, man, I made that
pot roast he likes so much.
I even made the potatoes in the
air fryer. They're super crispy.
You wanna watch a movie?
Psychological horror.
Freaky but grounded.
I got homework to do.
[LORNA WU SINGING]
I have learned the lesson ♪
Of all that's foul and fair ♪
Our love was forged in fire ♪
Water, earth and air ♪
The spell is cast ♪
How long it lasts ♪
I cannot divine ♪
The Road is there ♪
And so I dare ♪
To risk this heart of mine ♪
Down, down, down ♪
The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down ♪
The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down ♪
The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Follow me, my friend ♪
To glory at the end ♪
Down, down, down ♪
The Road ♪
Down the Witches' ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down ♪
The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down The Road ♪
Down the Witches' Road ♪
Down, down, down ♪
Wherever it may bend ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
I'll see you at the end ♪
"Release spell. Requires
an important personal item."
This is a great idea.
[AGATHA] So she's a rookie, granted,
but I say to her,
"So, has the suspect been
seen in the last 24 hours?"
And she says, "Only
on TikTok." [CHUCKLES]
Personal item. Personal
[AGATHA] Hey!
Hey!
Okay, that's really high.
- Okay.
- Stop!
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
Oh, my God, that hurt.
- Are you okay?
- Stop!
- I'm trying to help you.
- Police!
Please don't call the police.
I can't have a criminal record.
You picked the wrong house, kid.
- Sorry!
- Hold your horses! Stop!
I'll stop if you stop.
[GROANS] Cramp.
Hooligan.
Miss Harkness, I didn't mean
for that to be so chaotic.
I panicked, so I ran.
But I'm very glad I can
have this opportunity
to fully explain myself to you.
So I'm curious.
What compelled you to break into
the home of a decorated detective?
Detective?
That's not what I was expecting,
but I can totally see that for you.
[SCOFFS]
So let's talk about you,
then, you little dirtbag.
What were you lookin' for in my home?
Yeah, so I came here with
a somewhat unorthodox plan
to release you from the spell
you're weirdly committed to, but
Could I just trouble you
for a glass of water, or
Yeah?
Ow!
Could we, like, maybe not,
with the physical violence?
You wanna keep pokin' the bear?
I do not wanna poke the bear.
No.
- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.
- No, you do not.
- No, I do not.
- Do not wanna poke that bear.
- You're right. I do not wanna poke it.
Good.
What were you after?
- The Witches' Road.
- What road?
Oh, my God.
New question.
Where were you last night between
the hours of 1:00 and 3:00 a.m.?
See, I feel like you've typecast me
as the mouthy teen who didn't
actually kill the victim
but is guilty of some
other B-story crime.
Well, that couldn't be
farther from the truth.
I wanna work with you, Detective Agatha.
It's off. There you go.
That'll work. That won't work.
Okay. You know what? You do you.
"Asleep in bed."
Total loser?
Or totally lying?
Let's find out.
Tell me about this.
Those are daisies.
Tell me who she is.
- Who?
- Tell me who she is.
- Who?
- Tell me what happened to her!
What are you talking about?
These are just flowers!
Wait, did you just hear what I said?
They're just pictures of
someone's front yard or something.
See? Lots of flowers.
And that's a painting. Nice painting.
Okay, I'm gonna try this spell
now. It'll only take a second.
[CHANTING IN LATIN]
- What are you doing?
- [CONTINUES CHANTING]
What is that? Stop it.
No. Shut your mouth.
- That's really tight.
- Shut your mouth.
- Where are we going?
- Just walk!
[TEEN] Okay!
Come on, I do not wanna
go back in the closet.
- Come again?
- The Witches' Road.
I want you to take me there.
Why do you need The Road?
Power is what I'm missing.
Who are you?
My name is William Kaplan.
Say again.
I'm Billy Maximoff.
[AGATHA GROANS]
[SPITS]
[GRUNTING]
[YELPS]
[AGATHA] That was quite a debut.
"A sigil, what's that?
"Power is what I'm missing."
- Hardly.
- Power doesn't interest me.
Keep telling yourself that.
When did you figure it out?
[AGATHA] I had a feeling
when we first met.
Even with the sigil in the way, you
and your mother have the same tell.
- Which is?
- Very inconvenient for you.
I wasn't "sure" sure until
you
[IMITATES EXPLOSION
AND PEOPLE SCREAMING]
[CHUCKLES]
It's nice to see you again,
Billy.
Billy.
William.
You can hear me now.
Every witch with a beating
heart can hear you now.
Ah.
Lilia and Jen.
Yeah. Well, what you did was
[GROANS]
But life goes on.
Yours, anyway.
I mean, I've killed
Uh
Uh [MUTTERS]
[CHUCKLES] My share.
But you don't see it holding me back.
I'm not like you.
Where have I heard that before?
But tell me.
I just gotta know.
Where did you come by this
fresh body you're wearing?
Okay, you don't wanna
tell me. That's fine.
But
don't you dare feel
guilty about your talent.
You survived
like witches have been
doing for centuries.
You saw an opportunity, an
empty vessel, and you moved in.
So you broke the rules. Big deal.
That's what kept you alive.
That's what makes you special.
It's what makes you a witch.
Now,
- if we're gonna make it to the end
- "We?"
But I don't need you anymore.
I don't know if I ever did.
[ENERGY WARBLES]
[CACKLES]
Whatever.
You know it's there.
I can finish The Road on my own.
Oh, sure, with all that
power you can't control
without throwing a temper tantrum.
- I'll figure it out!
- [AGATHA GASPS] Hmm.
What does Billy Maximoff
want at the end of The Road?
Big Magick is already in the bag.
Is it "Find Mama?"
No.
She chose a town full of strangers
over her own flesh and wires.
What about Robo-Papa?
Lord knows where he is
or in how many pieces.
So who is left? [CLICKING TONGUE]
Oh! Right.
There's two of you.
You're after Toby.
Tommy.
- That's what I said.
- He's out there somewhere.
I can sense him. I
just can't find him.
Gosh, you really are a Maximoff.
Otherwise, none of this
would be nearly as dramatic.
He's my brother.
If you really wanna
finish this together,
just know that I do not trust you.
At all.
Ever.
Got it.
Got it.
Let's go find the next trial.
Last one there is a nice person.
I'm not that nice.
[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]