American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e06 Episode Script

He's cool
He's hot
like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People,
we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop
his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail
Burnin' dragon fire
Real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Skills are
gettin' faster
With Grandpa,
the master
His destiny, what's up, G?
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "j"
to the "a"
To the "k"
to the "e"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! get back
to work!
Aw, man.
(KNOCKING)
Hey, wake up.
Wake up.
Come on, mom.
(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
Just 10 more minutes.
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
Hey, hey,
he put me out.
Come on.
Hey, hey, pal, come on. Hurry.
Aah!
What?
Tail of the dragon.
Huh?
You gotta let me in.
I'm a troll.
My parents have
this whole thing
about not letting strange
creatures into the house.
Hey,
it's your job
as the
American Dragon to protect me.
Protect you?
From who?
Not who. That!
The sun.
My hair will burn
it if it hits me.
And if my hair
burns--oh, take my word for it--
Really bad things
will happen.
For real?
Why do you think trolls live under bridges
and in the sewers?
The sun
is our poison.
I guess that makes sense.
Ok, I'll let you in,
but only for a little--
whoa!
Uhh!
Thanks.
That was
a close one.
Ok. Now I just
have to stay
out of the sun
until, uh, nighttime.
Nighttime tonight?
Uh-uh. Sorry, dude.
That ain't gonna work.
Ok. I can
take a hint.
It's obvious
that you hate me!
(SOBBING LOUDLY)
All right. Ok.
You can stay here,
But you can't
let my dad see you.
Whoo-hoo!
Or hear you!
He doesn't exactly know
about the existence
of magical creatures.
See, my mom's been working on
telling him since October Of '92.
MAN: Jake
Quick!
you gotta hide.
UhhWhoa!
Check it. This is
the guest bedroom.
We almost never
have visitors.
You'll be safe here.
Cool?
These shoes are stale.
-You got any boogers?
-WOMAN: Jake Aah!
Don't let it eat me.
Shh! That's my mom.
TROLL: Could I
get a glass of water?
(SIGHS)
Man, what a freak.
Mom, I need to talk
to you for a sec.
Can it wait, sweetie?
Your dad and I are on our
way to the airport.
Well, your Aunt Patchouli
is coming to town today,
and we do not want her
getting lost on the subway.
She's coming here?
Today? To crash in the shoe room?
That's right,
and don't forget,
you promised to vacuum
before she gets here.
Hey, yeah, sure.
No problem.
-(GASPS)
-Well, have a nice drive,
And don't be afraid
to take the slow lane.
Dude, I asked you to
stay in the bedroom.
Dude, I asked you
for a glass of water. So we're even.
Look, we gotta
figure out another place for you to hide.
My aunt is coming,
and she's gonna be staying in the--
GIRL: Jake
What is that?
My sister.
-GIRL: Where's the remote control?
-Hide!
Ooh, uh, uh.
Ooh!
Hey, Haley.
Ha, what's up?
Why is there a troll
in the fridge?
Ha ha. Ok,
look, Haley.
This troll is gonna
hide here for a while,
but this is
gonna be a secret.
Hmm
I'm telling mom.
Well, I'm glad
that's settled.
I better get ready
for my date.
Date?
Since w-w--
you didn't tell me you had a date.
(CHUCKLES) Hey,
some things are private.
(ELECTRONIC RAZOR BUZZING)
Ugh! Could this
be one of them? Gross!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Maybe that's for me.
No! wait here.
No, wait.
Wait here.
No, wait--
Wait here.
Ugh!
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-Coming!
-Hey.
-Aunt Patchouli.
You're not supposed
to be here. Not, I mean, not here yet.
(LAUGHING)
I took an early flight.
-Where's your mom and dad?
-At the airport looking for you.
(SIGHS) Your father.
You'd think I'd never been on a subway.
Oh, hi.
I'm at your house, where do you think?
You are such a head case.
(TROLL SINGING)
Ok. I'll see you
in a bit.
I don't know what he was thinking. I used
to live here when I was in college.
So, where's my
favorite little girl?
Aunt Patchouli!
Whatever you do,
don't take a shower. (GIGGLING)
Ooh, you know, actually
I could use a shower
now that you mention it.
No! Wait.
La, la, la
ba, ba, ba, da
JAKE:
Aunt Patchouli, let me, um,
Show you where the
clean towels are.
What? Ooh. Ooh.
Aah!
Sun.
I'm just gonna
check on that towel situation for you.
Gonna be right back.
Oh, oh.
(SCREAMS)
Nose of the dragon.
Ha ha!
take that, hairball.
Oh, hey.
Towels on the--
towel rack.
Imagine that.
Thank you,
and now if you don't mind--
Sure thing.
No prob.
I'll just be outside
if you need anything.
You are so busted.
(GIGGLES)
(OPERATIC SINGING)
Ooh. Ahh.
(SNIFFING) Ew.
Hey, Jakey, are you
sure these towels are clean, honey?
(OPERATIC SINGING)
Come on.
Wait. Do you smell
burning hair?
Yeah. I burned up
that nasty hairball you left in the sink.
What? I was trying
to stay out of the sun for a reason.
Do you have any idea
what happens when you burn troll hair?
(HUMMING)
Hey. Ouch!
Aunt Patchouli.
I put your things
in Haley's room right here.
(CREATURES GRUMBLING)
Could this get any worse?
MOM AND DAD: We're home.
Aw, man.
Mommy, daddy,
guess what?
Aunt Patty's here!
And you know what else?
(MUFFLED SPEAKING)
There they are.
Patty, we would've
picked you up at the airport.
Like I need a chaperone.
Come here, you.
Quick, hide him!
-Please?
-Where?
I don't care!
Anywhere.
Hmm.
So I bet you can't wait
to get out and do
some sightseeing, huh, Aunt Patchouli?
Where are you two
taking her first?
Statue of Liberty?
Empire State Building?
TROLL: Aah!
Oh, I can't
go anywhere.
I'm meeting
someone here.
Here?
At the house?
Oh, is it that special someone
you told us about in your letter?
We're just old friends, but I think
he's taking me to dinner!
So you're gonna
stay here
All day?
-(FUR BALLS CLAMORING)
-What on earth was that?
Rats! in the attic!
Doh! I'll go get
the new traps.
No!
I mean, uh
Uh, I'll take care
of it, pop.
(WHISPERS) Hide him
in the basement!
I'll handle
the fur balls.
Come on!
You mean down there?
Uh-oh.
Oh, boy.
(FUR BALLS SNARLING)
All right,
dust bunnies.
Come to papa.
Dragon up!
(VOCALIZING)
You all want
some of this?
Whoo! Ha!
Ah, yeah!
Whoo! ha!
Ha!
Ha! ha!
Take that!
Oh! Come on!
Get off me, you little--aah!
That ought to
hold 'em
For like, 2 seconds.
Dude, I need your help!
Your crazy fur friends
are out of con--
-(WOMAN SCREAMS)
-Troll?
(SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS)
I forgot you wore
your hair like that!
Hey, now, that look
was very p-fat at the time.
Ooh! Is that him?
The old friend
from college?
Yeah.
Oh, that's my Stanley.
Good golly!
And you made fun of my hair?
Sure, I'll have
a tea party with your dollies.
Why aren't you in
the basement?
It was too dark.
Is this where you
keep your dollies?
No! don't!
(FUR BALLS GROWLING)
(SCREAMS)
(FUR BALLS GROWLING)
It's time to end this.
Dragon up!
MOTHER: Jacob Long,
what is all that racket?
Nothing! ha!
I'm just vacuuming-- aah!
Like you told me to.
JAKE: That's it!
The vacuum!
Say your prayers,
dirt balls.
(VACUUM WHIRRING)
What in the name
of everything decent is going on up there?
(FUR BALL YELPS)
(FUR BALLS SCREAM)
Whaa!
What was all that noise?
Noise? I don't hear
a noise.
-TROLL: boo-yah!
-Except for the sound of me
saying how cool it is
tTo have you here,
Aunt Patchouli.
Boo-yah!
This tea party
ain't big enough for the both of us!
-Boo-yah!
-DOLLl: mama.
Hi, mom.
Jake let a troll in.
Oh! you know,
he's right, Patty.
Maybe you'd like
to see the, um,
Statue of Liberty.
All right, that's it.
You have been keeping
something from me since I got here,
and I want to know what.
(GASPS)
Hi.
(SCREAMS)
Oh, Stan!
Stan!
Oh, I didn't think
you'd be here for 3 more hours.
Oh, look, it's Stan!
From the picture!
-Stan?
-College Stan!
Stan and Patty
have a date tonight.
I just got here
a little early, and, um
And I just wanted
to keep him a surprise
from Aunt Patchouli
until just
the right moment.
Well, uh,
why don't we all go down
to the living room and catch up?
We will talk
about this later.
Busted!
Well, we better get going
if we want to make
those 9:30 reservations.
It was nice
meeting all of you.
Oh, isn't he
wonderful?
You haven't
changed a bit.
Have a nice time.
-ALL: Bye-bye!
-Aw, he's a nice enough guy,
but something about him
seems a little Odd.
Don't you think?
You have no idea.
(GROWLING)
American Dragon
American Dragon
(SCREAMS)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
All right, I want so see
some good,
clean sparring here.
No bitin', no clawin',
no kickin'.
Nah, I'm kiddin'.
Anything goes, boys. Ha ha!
All right,
let's see some action.
Are you ready,
young one?
(SCOFFS) I was
born there, Grandpa.
Check me.
Dragon up.
(GROANING)
Gettin' warmed up.
Yeah!
How ya like me now,
Grandpa?
Ooh, you sure you want
a piece of this, old man?
Don't get cocky.
Stay focused.
Watch the tail!
(SCOFFS) Oh, I'm
watching the tail,
'cause my tail
never fails!
I'm pretty.
I am pretty!
Not your tail Mine.
Whoa! Aah!
Oh, right
in the merchandise.
Fu Dog.
I'm on it, gramps.
Sale, sale, sale,
sale, sale.
Sale!
Jake, you must learn
concentration.
Come.
We will try a basic meditation exercise.
Very simple.
Delivery for Fu Dog.
Sign here.
It's from Big Ernie!
-Could it be?
-Grandpa: breathe.
Embrace
the silence, Jake.
FU DOG:
I don't believe it!
A ticket to today's
playoff game!
A box seat in the
special magic section.
Do you know that
no one can get these?
Whoo-hoo! Mm-uh!
I don't think I bend
this way, Grandpa.
You must
release yourself.
Whoa! ha ha!
That is not
what I meant.
Gramps, I gotta split.
This ball game starts in 10 minutes.
I can not take you.
Jake needs work
on his concentration.
I'm cool. I'm cool.
Aah!
(SIGHS)
I'm a big dog.
I'll walk myself, huh?
I don't know.
You remember what happened last time.
Mmm
(SIREN WAILS)
I didn't
(MUMBLES)
Hey, it was all
just a little misunderStanding.
Come on! This game is a once
in a lifetime opportunity.
It's the game
of they year, maybe the century,
And I'm sittin'
on a prime ticket over here.
I have to go!
Just be careful,
And do not draw
attention to yourself.
Oh, thank you,
gramps. Ok, no problem.
You are lookin' at
Mr. Inconspicuous over here.
Ah ah ah ah.
But the boa--
It's the--
I look
G--g--goo
It's a beautiful day
For baseball
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
(WOMAN SNICKERS)
At last
The rare chinese shar-pei dog I need.
How long have I
waited for you
to venture out
alone and unattended?
Far too long. But now I've got you right
where I want you.
Ah-choo!
Ew!
Ooh baseball game
a-goo-goo
What the--
I meanWoof!
W--woof woof.
Officer Ogelvy,
New York animal control.
Are you aware
that you're in violation
of article 1,
section 1, subsection 1
of the greater city
of New York's municipal leash law?
-I--
-Of course not!
You're just
a dumb animal.
I--uh
Woof!
You're coming
with me, mutt.
Whoa
-Oh!
-Take that, you young hooligan!
Heh heh heh.
(GRUNTS)
Oh! Ugh.
Not so fast, perp.
I mean pup.
(GRUNTS)
Doh! Hey!
Ha ha! Gets 'em
every time.
Curse you, canine!
I'll get you yet.
Yeah, you better run.
Ow! ow! doh!
G--g--g--goo!
(WHISTLES)
I know you're
in here, mongrel.
Ah-choo!
My nose knows.
All my life,
I've been plagued by allergies,
But now they are
my greatest weapon.
Ah-choo!
Aha!
Heh heh heh heh heh.
-Doh! doh!
-(CAT SCREECHES)
-Ah-choo!
-(CAT SCREECHES)
Thanks, Impy.
I owe you one.
Hold on. You owe me
2, cheapskate!
Yikes!
I got you!
Ah-choo!
Darn these allergies.
I gotta lose this dame
and get to the game!
I'm missing
the national anthem!
One, please.
Wait! stop!
Come back here, hound!
(GRUNTS)
Where do you think
you're going, lady?
Hey, watch the uniform!
I'm in law enforcement
too, you know.
Ha ha ha ha!
What a meatloaf.
What a meringue pie!
Heh heh heh.
Ooh!
Which is to say
Woof. Woof woof.
Whew.
It's almost 2:00.
The 6 train runs express to lexington
between noon and 6:00
on sundays in september.
If I can make it to midtown before the
train reaches 59th street,
I can head him off
at the next station!
Ah ha ha ha ha ha!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(CRASHING)
Well, I think that's
enough excitement for one day.
(GRUNTS)
Where do you think
you're going, lady?
Now for some baseball!
Whoa!
g--g--goo!
Aha!
You're poached, pooch!
Ah-choo!
Yuck. Ew.
Relax.
Breathe.
(SNORING)
Open your mind to--
hyah!
Huh? Wh--
What's up? What?
-Fu Dog is in trouble!
-You can tell that by just meditating?
No, by looking
at my watch.
It's been almost an hour
since the last time he was in trouble,
So he is about due.
We better go find him.
If you say so.
FU DOG: So, uh
What are you in for?
Piddling in public?
Grooming violation?
Heh heh. Mime?
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Wait a second.
Ok, let's see here.
Uh, qu'est-ce que c'est.
Um, arf!
Bow-wow.
Woof.
Woof arf bow-wow!
heh heh!
Uh, I think my canine-ese
is a little rusty.
Whaa!
Whoa!
Oof!
Hey! Oh!
All right,
down boy. Heh heh.
No mushy stuff,
ok, guys?
I'm not looking to
make friends in here.
I got a game to get to.
That's all that matters to me.
Ok, nothing
to worry about.
We're just going
to the pound.
As soon as the big guy finds out,
he'll come down and spring me.
I'll be in the bleachers
by the fourth inning.
(GRUNTS)
Huh?
Wait a minute.
This isn't the dog pound!
What's going on here?
G--g--goo!
Huh?
(SNICKERS)
Ah ah ah!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo! Ah-choo!
Oh. Uh. Finally,
I'll be free
from all my allergies
Once and for all!
Thanks to this--
The emulsifier!
I've captured one
of every breed of dog known to dog-kind.
-You were the last.
-(WHIMPERS)
And now that I have you,
I'll use this
to turn you
into this!
Concentrated eau de dog,
which will render me impervious
to sneezing, sniffling,
runny nose, watery eyes
once and for all!
Henchman, activate
the emulsifier!
Darn.
I need a henchman.
And I am outta here!
Just a pinch
of unlocking powder
-(SLURPS)
-G--g--goo!
Sorry, guys.
I don't have enough to spring all of ya.
I'll send help as soon as
I get to the game, ok?
(WHIMPERING)
Aw, no.
Don't even think about
giving me the puppy dog eyes.
I invented that trick.
(WHIMPERS)
Aw, will ya--
I wish I never invented that trick.
It's just too good.
Ok, hold tight, guys.
It's Fu to the rescue here.
Not so fast,
wrinkle toes.
-G--goo!
-Got you.
Listen, lady,
I can talk, see?
I'm a magical
talking dog.
Think of the money
you could make off of me.
Doesn't that matter
to you at all?
Not one bit.
Ah--ah-choo!
Ah, I was
afraid of that.
All right.
You may have me,
but you ain't
getting them!
Da da da
FU DOG: Go!
What are you waiting for?
No! No! Aah!
Down! Off! Stay!
Back! Bad dogs!
Yeah, dog power!
You go, boys!
And girls!
No! mama says no! No!
Whoa!
Goo!
Aah, a little help here?
(DOGS BARKNG)
Hey, Sancho!
Fetch the ball, boy.
Go get the ball.
Attaboy!
Sick 'em!
(GROWLS)
Heh?
Ooh! whoa!
It's times like these
I wish I had a giant
pair of bat wings
instead of
a sparkling personality.
On second thought,
I'm good with the personality.
But I sure could use
a dragon right now!
Hyah!
Ugh.
Aah!
I take it back!
no dragons!
Aah!
JAKE: Ha ha!
Scared ya, didn't I?
Nah, I'm always
this damp.
Aah!
(GASPS)
Oh. Oh!
Oh, please--
please don't hurt me.
Or get your
dog hairs on me.
(SOBBING)
So what do we do
with her, Fu Dog?
I have half a mind
to emulsify her!
(WHIMPERING)
Aw, but the other half
is late for a ball game,
So let's just get her into anger
management and call it a day, huh?
Anybody else here
a baseball fan?
(CROWD CHEERING)
(BAT CRACKS)
FU DOG:
Get your dogs here. Red hot dogs.
Come on, these dogs
need good homes.
How about a beagle
for the boggle?
What? He sheds
less than you do.
What do you want, baby?
The poodle? Excellent choice.
Now, how about
this dalmatian?
Look at these spots,
ladies and gentlemen.