Apollo Gauntlet (2017) s01e06 Episode Script
Bellenus Blade
1 Look at all this loot from the royal treasury! [Laughs.]
Down on the ground! This is a raid! [Yelling.]
They never listen.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Wait, what? The Ring of Aventia? That belongs to Daphne.
[Shimmering tone.]
Huh? What's this? Shit's all "Matrixy.
" Whoa! Totally, dude.
Apollo, you must leave this world within two days.
Otherwise, your butterfly effect could have heinous ramifications.
Oh, here we go again.
[Echoing.]
Listen, Ozborne, we're not all just pawns on your personal chessboard, okay? And I'm a firm believer in something called, uh, free will.
Ever heard of it? I will show you.
What's wrong with this? We look happy, like Romeo and Juliet.
Look closer.
You are both dead.
Oh.
Like Romeo and Juliet.
So what's next on the docket, Ozborne? What, do you want to show me some ISIS videos or animal shelter commercials? Retrieve Dr.
Benign from Corporal Vile's castle.
He will help you return to Earth before the royal wedding.
And whatever you do, stay away from Da [Shimmering tone.]
[grunting continues.]
[chomps.]
You did hear what Ozborne said, right? You gotta stay away from Daphne until you leave.
No, no, all he said was "Da.
" Maybe he wants me to stay away from dancing until I leave.
Which, as we both know, is impossible.
[Humming.]
Yeah.
[Title music.]
Here comes Apollo Gauntlet 1x06 - Bellenus Blade [Music.]
Those idiots will realize how important I am.
They can't keep me cooped up like this.
[sing-songy.]
Benign.
Today's your lucky day, skid mark.
Uh, what do you mean? You're gonna build a machine, get us back to Earth.
[Beeps.]
Ah.
You had me at skid mark.
But there's one thing I want to do before we leave.
I'll allow it.
What do you want to do? [whispers.]
We have to be quiet, Apollo.
He's meditating.
Yeah.
No, for sure, yeah.
Oh, I've never seen him close up before.
This dude's got more wrinkles than a Shar Pei's grandma.
- Huh? - Nope! [Groans.]
- Well, let's get out of here! - Yes, yes, yes.
- Come on, get out.
- Absolutely.
Apollo Gauntlet! - Who's in the cat seat now?! - What? [Beeps.]
Did you did what I think you just did? Uh, yeah.
It'll be weird when Apollo goes back to Earth.
- I was just getting used to him.
- Good riddance, I say.
We had things pretty much figured out as a team before he showed up and and [Sobbing.]
Hi, guys.
You remember Dr.
Benign, right? Yeah, yeah, he was always trying to kill me.
And, uh, anyway, he's gonna build a machine that will re-open the wormhole back to Earth.
I've actually started some preliminary designs, if you want to take a gander.
What the [bleep.]
? Well, everyone seems to have a uh, working on something, so I'll see you guys uh, I'll be back in a little bit, okay? Uh, I'll see you later, bye.
Anyway, here's a list of the parts I'll need - to build the machine.
- What? Benign, I don't even know what half of this stuff is.
[Snaps fingers.]
[silent voice.]
I'll hook you up, bro.
[Music.]
Hey, have you ever heard of something called tempting fate? Yeah, this is exactly that.
Yeah, I know.
But, uh, I'm just gonna gingerly climb up the trellis and, uh, leave her ring on the balcony.
And nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.
- Hmm? Apollo? - Uh, hi! [Crash.]
I told you this was a bad idea.
Trellises have caused more unwanted pregnancies than hard lemonade.
[Lighting crashes.]
[Music.]
[Crashing continues.]
Is that your father? No, dude, it's me.
[Bleep.]
who are you, the evil Benjamin Button? So this is a pretty nice evening.
I don't want to get married.
Not now.
Not to Orenthal.
Well, you guys don't get along, or what? We do.
But we're more like friends, if you know what I mean.
Uh, not real uh, no, not really.
Uh I'm not sure that he necessarily likes women that way.
Well, then why are you marrying him? I'll show you.
Come with me.
Pretty sure I'm gonna regret this, but okay! Might be just me, but it seems like something really catastrophic could happen if you mess with the laws of inter-dimensional physics.
Not at all.
It's pretty safe if ya know what you're doing.
Ow [bleep.]
.
The Bellenus Blade is at the crux of everything.
Prophecy says Prince Orenthal will pull it from the stone at our wedding.
The problem is he's not the chosen one.
No? Well, let me try.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Well, that was anticlimactic.
[Choir humming.]
[Rumbling.]
Must have loosened it for ya.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah.
So you're gonna be the new leader, right? That's impossible.
A woman a commoner taking over? Things don't work that way here, Apollo.
It would disrupt the entire legacy of the Bellenus family.
So what, everyone at the wedding just stands back as Orenthal tugs on the hilt for half an hour like some doi-uche on prom night? No.
It'll work like this.
Take my hand.
[Choir humming.]
Uh, your test just came back.
Negative for chosen one, but positive for you're gonna die.
[Rooster crows.]
Where the hell's Apollo? About time to blow this popsicle stand.
- Oh, God, is he dead? - Nah.
I found him wondering the streets, drunk as a skunk.
- Oh, jeez.
What happened last night? - You tell us.
While you were out gallivanting around with Daphne, we built the machine to send you back to Earth.
Daphne, uh, right.
I I just wanted to say good-bye to her.
Say good-bye? Well, there's still time to "say good-bye" to me, if you're up for it, eh? This isn't funny, guys.
[laughter.]
I may have sealed Daphne's fate and my own, on some stupid whim.
Do you really not remember what happened last night? [Harp glissando.]
Shit, I just spilled wine all over my wedding dress.
Daphne, you've gotta lie down.
Don't tell me what to do! No, no.
Trust me.
I've seen this before.
We need to play dead.
What's wrong with this? We look happy, like Romeo and Juliet.
- You are both dead.
- Oh.
Like Romeo and Juliet.
Do you know what this means? - We're gonna live.
- So you're staying? I uh No, I no, I'm going back to Earth in the morning, but it's nice to know prophecies won't dictate our fate, - though, right? - You know what's nice? When people don't run off when you need them the most.
Have a safe trip back to Earth.
- Oh.
- This soap opera shit is fascinating.
Really.
[warbling.]
But I'm out.
Ozborne, good news! That vision you showed me is it was totally incorrect.
I can stay in this world and and save Daphne from a loveless marriage.
No, you failed to see the bigger picture.
Your continued presence here is dangerous.
- You must leave! - Oh, you dick! Whoa! No, I don't want to go! Daphne! [crash.]
[rumbling.]
Oh, Daphne, sun of my days, moon of my nights.
Some have questioned our love a young, handsome prince marrying a girl from a lower economic stratum.
But our love is proof that the classes can successfully co-mingle under certain circumstances.
Oh, yes, that's that's very nice.
Uh, but on this momentous - I must ask if there - Oh, my God, Daphne! is anyone present who objects to this union.
Wait, wait, wait! [Panting.]
Wait! Speak now or forever hol Nothing is forever.
Apollo, give me your gauntlets or I'll kill the royal couple.
All right, Vile, you win.
Here's my gauntlet! [Sobbing.]
[Roars.]
[Grunting.]
It's time to pay the piper! Yeah! And knee-drop! [Gasps.]
Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Not the halberd.
You can't win.
You'll never win.
[Grunts.]
[Music.]
[All gasps.]
Hi.
- No! Her? - What? A woman?! The chosen one should be Orenthal, not Daphne.
This is bollocks! There's no turning back now, Apollo.
We're in this together.
Apollo, this is an important moment.
Say something to her, romantic and reassuring.
Whatever you do, don't mess this up.
I Daphne, you know I feel is, uh, yeah.
Absolutely.
[Booing.]
Perfect.
[Grumbling.]
Down on the ground! This is a raid! [Yelling.]
They never listen.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Wait, what? The Ring of Aventia? That belongs to Daphne.
[Shimmering tone.]
Huh? What's this? Shit's all "Matrixy.
" Whoa! Totally, dude.
Apollo, you must leave this world within two days.
Otherwise, your butterfly effect could have heinous ramifications.
Oh, here we go again.
[Echoing.]
Listen, Ozborne, we're not all just pawns on your personal chessboard, okay? And I'm a firm believer in something called, uh, free will.
Ever heard of it? I will show you.
What's wrong with this? We look happy, like Romeo and Juliet.
Look closer.
You are both dead.
Oh.
Like Romeo and Juliet.
So what's next on the docket, Ozborne? What, do you want to show me some ISIS videos or animal shelter commercials? Retrieve Dr.
Benign from Corporal Vile's castle.
He will help you return to Earth before the royal wedding.
And whatever you do, stay away from Da [Shimmering tone.]
[grunting continues.]
[chomps.]
You did hear what Ozborne said, right? You gotta stay away from Daphne until you leave.
No, no, all he said was "Da.
" Maybe he wants me to stay away from dancing until I leave.
Which, as we both know, is impossible.
[Humming.]
Yeah.
[Title music.]
Here comes Apollo Gauntlet 1x06 - Bellenus Blade [Music.]
Those idiots will realize how important I am.
They can't keep me cooped up like this.
[sing-songy.]
Benign.
Today's your lucky day, skid mark.
Uh, what do you mean? You're gonna build a machine, get us back to Earth.
[Beeps.]
Ah.
You had me at skid mark.
But there's one thing I want to do before we leave.
I'll allow it.
What do you want to do? [whispers.]
We have to be quiet, Apollo.
He's meditating.
Yeah.
No, for sure, yeah.
Oh, I've never seen him close up before.
This dude's got more wrinkles than a Shar Pei's grandma.
- Huh? - Nope! [Groans.]
- Well, let's get out of here! - Yes, yes, yes.
- Come on, get out.
- Absolutely.
Apollo Gauntlet! - Who's in the cat seat now?! - What? [Beeps.]
Did you did what I think you just did? Uh, yeah.
It'll be weird when Apollo goes back to Earth.
- I was just getting used to him.
- Good riddance, I say.
We had things pretty much figured out as a team before he showed up and and [Sobbing.]
Hi, guys.
You remember Dr.
Benign, right? Yeah, yeah, he was always trying to kill me.
And, uh, anyway, he's gonna build a machine that will re-open the wormhole back to Earth.
I've actually started some preliminary designs, if you want to take a gander.
What the [bleep.]
? Well, everyone seems to have a uh, working on something, so I'll see you guys uh, I'll be back in a little bit, okay? Uh, I'll see you later, bye.
Anyway, here's a list of the parts I'll need - to build the machine.
- What? Benign, I don't even know what half of this stuff is.
[Snaps fingers.]
[silent voice.]
I'll hook you up, bro.
[Music.]
Hey, have you ever heard of something called tempting fate? Yeah, this is exactly that.
Yeah, I know.
But, uh, I'm just gonna gingerly climb up the trellis and, uh, leave her ring on the balcony.
And nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.
- Hmm? Apollo? - Uh, hi! [Crash.]
I told you this was a bad idea.
Trellises have caused more unwanted pregnancies than hard lemonade.
[Lighting crashes.]
[Music.]
[Crashing continues.]
Is that your father? No, dude, it's me.
[Bleep.]
who are you, the evil Benjamin Button? So this is a pretty nice evening.
I don't want to get married.
Not now.
Not to Orenthal.
Well, you guys don't get along, or what? We do.
But we're more like friends, if you know what I mean.
Uh, not real uh, no, not really.
Uh I'm not sure that he necessarily likes women that way.
Well, then why are you marrying him? I'll show you.
Come with me.
Pretty sure I'm gonna regret this, but okay! Might be just me, but it seems like something really catastrophic could happen if you mess with the laws of inter-dimensional physics.
Not at all.
It's pretty safe if ya know what you're doing.
Ow [bleep.]
.
The Bellenus Blade is at the crux of everything.
Prophecy says Prince Orenthal will pull it from the stone at our wedding.
The problem is he's not the chosen one.
No? Well, let me try.
[Grunting.]
[Music.]
Well, that was anticlimactic.
[Choir humming.]
[Rumbling.]
Must have loosened it for ya.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah.
So you're gonna be the new leader, right? That's impossible.
A woman a commoner taking over? Things don't work that way here, Apollo.
It would disrupt the entire legacy of the Bellenus family.
So what, everyone at the wedding just stands back as Orenthal tugs on the hilt for half an hour like some doi-uche on prom night? No.
It'll work like this.
Take my hand.
[Choir humming.]
Uh, your test just came back.
Negative for chosen one, but positive for you're gonna die.
[Rooster crows.]
Where the hell's Apollo? About time to blow this popsicle stand.
- Oh, God, is he dead? - Nah.
I found him wondering the streets, drunk as a skunk.
- Oh, jeez.
What happened last night? - You tell us.
While you were out gallivanting around with Daphne, we built the machine to send you back to Earth.
Daphne, uh, right.
I I just wanted to say good-bye to her.
Say good-bye? Well, there's still time to "say good-bye" to me, if you're up for it, eh? This isn't funny, guys.
[laughter.]
I may have sealed Daphne's fate and my own, on some stupid whim.
Do you really not remember what happened last night? [Harp glissando.]
Shit, I just spilled wine all over my wedding dress.
Daphne, you've gotta lie down.
Don't tell me what to do! No, no.
Trust me.
I've seen this before.
We need to play dead.
What's wrong with this? We look happy, like Romeo and Juliet.
- You are both dead.
- Oh.
Like Romeo and Juliet.
Do you know what this means? - We're gonna live.
- So you're staying? I uh No, I no, I'm going back to Earth in the morning, but it's nice to know prophecies won't dictate our fate, - though, right? - You know what's nice? When people don't run off when you need them the most.
Have a safe trip back to Earth.
- Oh.
- This soap opera shit is fascinating.
Really.
[warbling.]
But I'm out.
Ozborne, good news! That vision you showed me is it was totally incorrect.
I can stay in this world and and save Daphne from a loveless marriage.
No, you failed to see the bigger picture.
Your continued presence here is dangerous.
- You must leave! - Oh, you dick! Whoa! No, I don't want to go! Daphne! [crash.]
[rumbling.]
Oh, Daphne, sun of my days, moon of my nights.
Some have questioned our love a young, handsome prince marrying a girl from a lower economic stratum.
But our love is proof that the classes can successfully co-mingle under certain circumstances.
Oh, yes, that's that's very nice.
Uh, but on this momentous - I must ask if there - Oh, my God, Daphne! is anyone present who objects to this union.
Wait, wait, wait! [Panting.]
Wait! Speak now or forever hol Nothing is forever.
Apollo, give me your gauntlets or I'll kill the royal couple.
All right, Vile, you win.
Here's my gauntlet! [Sobbing.]
[Roars.]
[Grunting.]
It's time to pay the piper! Yeah! And knee-drop! [Gasps.]
Oh, no, no, no! Oh, no! Not the halberd.
You can't win.
You'll never win.
[Grunts.]
[Music.]
[All gasps.]
Hi.
- No! Her? - What? A woman?! The chosen one should be Orenthal, not Daphne.
This is bollocks! There's no turning back now, Apollo.
We're in this together.
Apollo, this is an important moment.
Say something to her, romantic and reassuring.
Whatever you do, don't mess this up.
I Daphne, you know I feel is, uh, yeah.
Absolutely.
[Booing.]
Perfect.
[Grumbling.]