Arab Maklum (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Look at this.
Cool, right?
See?
This goes well with my outfit.
-Are you sure it's not a fake?
-It's so good.
Of course not. This is real.
-How are you, my wife?
-It's genuine.
I'm coming.
You want something, right?
You know me so well.
Wait a moment.
I'm on the phone.
Assalamu alaikum, Umi Elvy.
Waalaikumsalam.
Hey, Mahmud. Why the long face?
I haven't seen you for quite a while.
Why are you getting fatter?
You eat a lot, huh?
Do lots of work, please.
Why have you been coming home
so late at night?
I've been out watching TV.
Instead of keeping your wife company,
you keep watching soap operas.
It's not soap operas but football, Mi.
No wonder you're round like a ball.
Mi, I'm going to take a shower.
Mahmud, you're getting old.
If you get rheumatism, who will help you?
My daughter will be the one
helping you, okay?
Yeah, Mi. I'll give this back to Laela.
Don't bother.
Tell Laela I'll be there tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow?
Yes, tomorrow.
But tomorrow, I want to
Anyway,
don't go anywhere tomorrow.
Assalamu alaikum.
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Waalaikumsalam.
Do you get it?
Tomorrow, you're not going anywhere.
But I have plans tomorrow. Please.
Enough. Don't ask for trouble.
My mother will be mad
if you aren't around.
FURIOUS
All right, I'm going to sleep.
Aren't you going to shower?
No. I'll do both my evening
and morning washes tomorrow.
Do both?
Assalamu alaikum, Umi!
Ya Allah.
Slow down. Don't be so loud.
No, I'm not, Mi.
Why did you arrive so early?
Early?
Great. What time is it?
It's seven.
No wonder you're so miserable.
You wake up too late.
It's the weekend, Mi.
By the way, where's Laela, Mi?
You're looking for Laela?
She's your wife. Why are you asking me?
Well, you're inside the house.
That means that Laela opened
the door for you, right?
That's right.
She has gone to the market.
Your wife is already working.
You're her husband,
and you're still sleeping.
-Have you had breakfast?
-No, not yet.
No food?
We have coffee. Let me make some, okay?
-Coffee?
-Yeah.
We've run out of sugar, Mi.
Do you want it bitter?
You still want to give me bitter things?
Because of having a son-in-law like you,
my life has become bitter to this day.
Sorry, Mi. I'll buy some sugar now.
Wait a moment.
Here's the coffee, Mi.
I have put some sugar in it.
You know that I haven't had coffee
since I got GERD.
Why didn't you tell me?
Do I have to tell you everything?
People usually prepare enjoyable food
for their in-laws.
Right?
Martabak or samosa.
And you?
You're the one only providing coffee
for your mother-in-law.
Okay, I'll buy martabak for you.
Where will you find it?
Do you think there'll be a stand open
in the morning?
For you, I'll look for one.
Inshallah, I can get the martabak.
Assalamu alaikum.
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Waalaikumsalam.
Finally, I got the martabak, Mi.
What took you so long?
It was hard to find a martabak place
that was open in the morning.
Mi, what do you want? Chocolate or cheese?
You know I don't eat martabak.
Did you forget? Umi has diabetes.
She can't eat sweets.
But she said
I said
a son-in-law should offer
his in-law martabak.
I didn't ask you to buy martabak.
When I said I was going to buy martabak,
why didn't you tell me then?
Do I have to tell you everything?
Aba, let me eat the martabak.
Sasa, don't eat sweets.
You can get diabetes.
Okay, Jiddah.
Let your father eat them.
Mi, if Mahmud gets diabetes,
I'll become a widow.
It's okay, I'll eat some.
I went a long way to buy this.
Mahmud, is your small business
progressing?
Alhamdulillah, it's going as planned.
Said, my beloved son-in-law,
has a very successful business.
His business partner is a sultan.
Don't get us wrong.
Mahmud's business partner
is also a sultan.
-The Sultan of China, right?
-Yeah.
Said's brother's business is better.
His house is so big.
It's like a palace.
I wanted to set Laela up with him
in the past, but Laela didn't want to.
She wanted him.
Sasa.
Have you ever had a boyfriend?
BOYFRIEND
-I have, Jiddah.
-Good.
If you ever have to choose between
more than one option,
choose the one with a bright future.
Okay?
Choose a husband who is of Arab descent.
Yes, but one with a bright future.
So that Sasa will be happy.
Amen.
The most important thing is
that he is of Arab descent.
Jiddah, sorry,
I'm going to a friend's house.
Syakila, she's not often here.
Why do you have to go?
Never mind.
But if you go,
don't come home late.
Yes, Jiddah.
I'll give you some money.
300,000 only.
-Okay?
-Thank you, Jiddah.
Assalamu alaikum.
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Waalaikumsalam.
What do you want?
Do you want money too?
No.
I want to get ready to go.
Where are you going?
I'm going to a neighbor's house for a bit.
To a neighbor's house?
Your neighbor's house is close, right?
But I have important business with Burhan.
What are you doing?
Can't you do it tomorrow?
Umi's not often here.
Okay, all right.
Now, if we want to buy genuine bags,
we have to be careful.
We have to open the website.
If you buy them online,
you can be sure they're authentic.
Laela, Umi Elvy,
I'll take a rest in my room, okay?
Why should you go to the bedroom?
Just rest here.
Don't leave Umi.
Hello.
-Who's this, Mud?
-Let me introduce you two.
This is Umi Elvy, my mother-in-law.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-Laela's mother?
-Yes.
-Hello.
-Umi.
This is Koh Aseng,
Mahmud's business partner.
Yes.
Aseng.
He's the one you said was
the Sultan of China?
Huh? Sultan of China?
But why does his face not look like one?
Mi, his appearance is ordinary,
but he has a lot of gold bars.
That's right, ma'am.
Is that so?
Unlike you. You only have the bar
that's between your legs.
Where's the gold?
Nowhere.
That's right too.
Koh Aseng, why have you come here
on the weekend?
-Huh?
-You're single.
Why don't you go on a date?
Go on a date?
Why bother? They're not fun.
If we're late to pick up a woman,
she gets angry.
If we mess up, she gets angry.
It's better to watch football, right?
Oh, that's right. We're better off
having a business meeting.
I want to pick up Mahmud for a meeting.
Just do it in the living room.
There's a TV. That's good, Mud.
We want to meet outside.
Right, the meeting must be
somewhere outside.
Koh Aseng, I'm so sorry.
Today, Mahmud can't leave the house
because he has to accompany
his mother-in-law.
Geez.
This meeting is important. What do I do?
What do I do, Mud?
You want to attend a meeting
but you're dressed like that?
What of it, ma'am?
Aseng always carries his work clothes
in the car.
That's right.
But I don't have a car.
I came here by motorcycle taxi.
Geez.
You can wear my clothes.
What size are you?
Why should I wear your clothes?
What's the problem if I wear this shirt?
Yeah, I understand.
I mean, why are you wearing
flip-flops like that?
Ma'am, they're so comfortable. Soft!
Genuine leather.
They cost 350,000 to 500,000.
They were discounted to 125,000, and
Just put on my shoes.
What's important is that we go.
-Assalamu alaikum.
-All right.
Koh Aseng, I've already told you,
Mahmud can't go with you today.
Just go to the meeting alone.
After all, it's not a workday.
Okay, excuse me, La.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Sorry, Mud, I can't help you.
This is going to be fun.
I'll tell you about it later.
-Okay.
-Good luck!
-Geez.
-Okay.
These sandals are really nice.
See?
They're quiet and soft.
They're great. Very cheap.
Goal!
Mahmud's coming.
Aba, are you filling a teapot or a pond?
You took so long.
It just finished boiling.
-Please try some, Umi.
-All right.
I made this tea myself.
Here.
Try it too.
Bismillah.
Thank you, Aba.
-Ya Allah.
-You're welcome, my wife.
-I hardly ever get to drink your tea.
-Of course. It's because of Umi.
-Assalamu alaikum. Hello, Mahmud!
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Hello!
-Hello!
-Assalamu alaikum!
-Hi, Laela.
Umi. Laela.
Where are you? We're waiting for you.
Do we have to pick you up?
So spoiled.
It's Argentina versus the Arab team.
We're all Argentina supporters.
You're the only Arab supporter.
We must have an opponent.
Come on.
Where are you going?
We want to watch the football.
We all have our jerseys on. We can't
possibly be watching dangdut, right?
How could my husband
Come home to your house?
-Sugar, sugar
-That's enough.
The sugar is bitter because of you.
-You want to watch football?
-Yes.
He said he wanted to visit the neighbors.
Huh? Who are you visiting?
We always meet every day.
We gather at Burhan's house!
Umi, it's so happens that there's
a football match on TV.
Yes.
Sure. Please, by all means.
How dare you leave your mother-in-law
at home to watch football?
-Astagfirullahaladzim, Mahmud.
-Astagfirullahaladzim!
You care more about football
than your mother-in-law?
-That's a sin. You shouldn't do that.
-You instigators.
You guys leave. I want to stay here
with my mother-in-law.
-Good.
-There you go.
Sit quietly with your mother-in-law.
That's a pious son-in-law.
Don't mind the football match.
We'll give the updates on WhatsApp.
-Yes, you do that.
-Okay.
Umi, Laela. We're leaving.
-Just stay at home quietly.
-Bye.
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Ball, ball
-Just go.
WhatsApp me!
We caught you red-handed.
You tried to sneak your way out of here.
What gathering? What meeting?
Turns out you want to watch
a football match.
-You liar.
-I'm sorry.
I'm going to clean up now.
Umi, if you need anything, just tell me.
Okay?
Is he possessed? He's being so nice.
God, I didn't expect
it would be that quick.
Her granddaughter is about to get married.
Is that true? Ya Allah, alhamdulillah!
-The match is made easy.
-Yes, mashallah.
Umi, Laela. I want to go to the mosque.
To the mosque? What for?
There is a recitation.
What recitation?
A routine recitation.
There is no routine recitations
on Saturdays, Aba.
This one is for Selamatan.
Why wasn't it mentioned in
the WhatsApp group?
How should I know? I'm only going
because they invited me.
You must be lying.
You say you're going to a recitation, but
you're going to the neighbors' instead.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
-You're being prejudiced.
-You're trying to fool me.
-I'm not!
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Inshallah.
So, inshallah, Umi, Laela, the purpose
of the three of us coming here
is to invite Mahmud to the recitation.
Inshallah.
-Recitation, right?
-Yes.
Why are you talking so weird?
I told you it wasn't necessary,
but you guys insisted.
It's not that
Why are you speaking with a Tegal accent?
Why not?
-Just speak normally.
-Fine.
Look at that. Everyone is neatly dressed.
Umi, do you still not believe me?
What events are there at the mosque?
So, Laela, it just so happened that
the Ustad has invited us to a meeting.
-Yes, a meeting.
-That's right.
Earlier, he said it was recitation.
Now, it's a meeting with the Ustad.
Which one is true?
Both are true. So what we mean is,
we're holding a meeting first
to establish the recitation committee.
-What was the committee for?
-It's for a ruqyah.
I'm the one who's getting a ruqyah.
Yes, that's right.
L-let's
Come on, Laela.
They're going to a recitation.
It doesn't matter.
-Just let him go.
-Mashallah.
In that case, okay. But remember.
After the recitation,
you have to go straight?
Home!
Clever!
Understand?
Understood.
But as I recall,
weren't you guys
wearing soccer jerseys before?
Why is it different now? Why so quick?
Is the ball game over?
No, Umi. It was postponed because
the goalkeeper became an Ustad
What's wrong with the goalkeeper?
The Ustad became a goalkeeper
The Ustad is getting a ruqyah.
-With me?
-The goalkeeper!
The goalkeeper wants a ruqyah.
In order to recover
and be able to play well, Umi.
Yes, that's right.
In that case, okay.
Mahmud.
Pour tea for Umi first.
Then in the kitchen,
there are still lots of dirty dishes.
Clean everything up first,
and then you can go.
Do you want me to mop as well?
It's okay if you want to.
The tub in the bathroom is also dirty.
After that, you may go.
Then he's never going to go. Aba, just go.
Go now. Hurry up and go.
-Just go.
-Alhamdulillah.
Just let me do the dishes.
Thank you very much, dear. I love you.
I'm going. Assalamu alaikum.
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Assalamu alaikum.
Waalaikumsalam.
-You're not cleaning?
-No. Let's go.
Umi, don't ask Mahmud to do the dishes.
He can't even clean himself up.
So he smells?
A little bit like a goat.
-No, no! No!
-A little bit more!
Goal!
-Goal!
-They won!
Their defenders are incompetent!
From their forwards to their defenders.
Not just the defenders.
-Calm down. Patience.
-Wait a minute!
I just realized.
It's an Arab game against Argentina.
Why are you wearing a Mexican jersey?
That's right.
Because Mexico and Argentina
are both Latin American.
-Correct.
-That's right.
They're neighbors, right?
So, you're rooting for our team?
No, Mahmud's.
-Partner!
-He's my partner.
-Officemates.
-You guys are the same.
You're also the type who's
afraid of your wife, huh?
And she only bought you one jersey.
Ask her permission first
to watch a football game.
That's right.
If my wife was like Laela!
You instigators! Enough.
Just watch the game!
His wife is also very fierce.
No, not all the time.
But why did you also cheer?
-You're right
-It was Argentina's goal!
-Hello, Koh Aseng.
-Hello, Vanya.
Have some fritters.
I made these. I made them at home.
The fritters are so soft. Just like me.
That's right. I believe they are.
Hey, don't!
I mean Koh Aseng should have some first,
and then everyone else.
Koh Aseng first.
-Come on, Koh Aseng.
-Yes, hurry!
-You first
-Don't take it!
For Aseng, right?
-Aseng first, then us?
-Aseng first, then the others.
But I haven't taken it yet!
Come on, hurry up.
Later.
-Wait a minute.
-If I can't eat fritters,
can I water the flowers?
-What flowers?
-The ones on her shirt.
My goodness!
You even haven't sorted things out
with the girl from yesterday.
I'll water it later.
Even give it fertilizer.
-All right, Koh Aseng, I'll go home first.
-Sure.
-Koh Aseng, do you want to stop by later?
-Of course!
Please do! No, just Koh Aseng.
-Koh Aseng.
-Only Koh Aseng can stop by.
I'll be waiting for you, Koh Aseng.
Yes, later when I have time after this.
-I'll be waiting for you, Koh Aseng.
-Sure.
-I'll be waiting.
-Okay.
-I'm leaving.
-All right.
-Be careful.
-My goodness
Aseng.
-I'm coming with you, okay?
-What for?
Laela, where's the meatball vendor?
Why hasn't he passed yet?
It's always like that.
The meatball vendor
is always like this with the Arabs.
He usually comes at this hour
-Assalamu alaikum!
-Waalaikumsalam.
-Assalamu alaikum.
-Waalaikumsalam, Nab.
Are you being chased by a camel?
Laela, going out much lately?
Not keeping an eye on Mahmud?
They're gathering at Burhan's house.
Vanya is also there.
At Burhan's house?
Earlier, he said he was going
to the mosque for a recitation.
It is not like that!
There were lots of people
at Burhan's house to watch the football.
I'm serious!
If I were you,
I would immediately go there!
Go off to go watch the football
at Burhan's house
instead of letting that widow
show off her charms.
"Wanna eat? I have this"
In the end, someone will be hooked!
That son-in-law has no manners!
How dare he lie to his mother-in-law!
LIE
-Come on, goal.
-Kick the ball!
-Off-side!
-Off-side!
Off-side. His legs can't aim straight.
It's either too much to the right
or too much to the left.
They're cheating.
They must've bribed the referee.
-What are you talking about?
-Guys, excuse me.
I have to go to the toilet.
Don't score any goals before I get back.
-How could that be?
-Strange.
Who are you to hold a goal?
I'm Mahmud.
Mahmud You are Mahmud, and I'm Burhan!
-I'm Aseng.
-I'm Sahid.
-I
-Laela.
Why Laela?
-Laela
-Astagfirullahaladzim!
Laela is cooking at home!
-Alhamdulillah!
-Yes, it's safe for us here.
Our break time is over, friends.
-Break? They're still playing!
-Yes, it's time.
Enough. Now we have to go back
to the Koran, Seng.
-Reciting what?
-Yes, recite.
-Laela's recitation?
-Allahu Akbar!
Laela's recitation
-Amen!
-Why are you saying amen?
Umi. Laela.
Seng
-Seng!
-What is it?
Your privates.
Your thighs!
So, as we intended,
because Umi and Laela are here already,
now is the time for us
to refocus on recitation.
-Amen!
-That was not a prayer!
Why are you saying "amen"?
Yes, Umi. We are still waiting
for one more person.
Yes
Where did that congregation member go?
Where are you?
-There he comes!
-Hey!
Any goals yet?
-Have there been any goals yet?
-Goals?
The ball's been taken.
Yes, Mahmud.
Your qibla is wrong.
It's 2-1, Burhan. 2-1! Why are you silent?
We're both losers here, Saleh.
Your qibla is wrong.
Geez.
My wife's here?
Alhamdulillah, Mahmud.
She's here with her mother.
-Amen!
-Amen!
Alhamdulillah. Now everyone's here.
Let's close today's recitation.
Right, Umi, Laela?
-By saying alhamdulillah.
-Alhamdulillah.
Sorry, everyone.
I really have to get going
because I have to clean up.
-Yes.
-Umi, Laela, I'll take my leave first.
Mahmud? Ya Allah, you have such bad luck.
Why do you have to bring bad luck
to everyone?
I also have other business.
I have to go, Laela.
-Umi, assalamu alaikum.
-Yes.
Where are you going?
Burhan? Assalamu alaikum.
Ya Allah, we have company!
-Assalamu alaikum. May I visit?
-Waalaikumsalam. Come on in.
-Hey, Fuad.
-I brought fritters.
-May I visit?
-Sure.
Excuse me.
Ya Allah
I'm sorry that my house is cramped,
so it only fits two guests.
The rest of you, just make yourselves
at home on the terrace.
Laela, please.
Assalamu alaikum. I'm sorry.
-Oh my.
-Where are you going?
I'm going to Vanya's house.
I was invited to her house earlier.
-Okay?
-Geez.
Umi. Laela.
Umi Elvy.
Mahmud, mashallah!
You are really something.
Ya Allah
Have you finished the recitation?
Yes.
Really?
I was just about to join you in prayer.
Let's just pray at home, okay?