Bent (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Not bad, huh? Kind of perfect.
Alex, Alex.
Wow, you were out.
Dreaming about me.
I wasn't talking was I? Not really, just weird noises.
You ready to go wine tasting? Very.
Let's get drunk.
Welcome back to the doll-head open.
A tradition unlike any other.
Okay, this hole has been breaking left to right all day.
Wind has finally died down.
Oh, he's going with the paint roller pole.
He had trouble with this hole yesterday.
And once again this morning.
- Quiet! - He's asking for quiet.
This is for birdie and the championship.
- He's done it, he's done it.
- Yes! The first African-American electrician ever to win the doll-head open.
Yeah! It is absolute pandemonium here.
Hey, Alex is back from Napa.
They're back and they're early.
What is going on? Have you gotten any work done? I'm not going to sugarcoat it, no.
But we did break the color barrier.
- How was your trip? - It was awesome.
We never left the hotel room.
Oh, were you scared to go shirtless by the pool or And my kitchen knife, why? Well, initially used to behead the doll, but it actually makes for a pretty nifty microphone.
I'm Pete Riggins, from all of us here I've actually just cut my finger.
That's pretty bad, actually.
How about some Lidocaine? I had this crazy sex dream about Pete.
Crazy? Crazy.
We're in this kitchen, right? This beautiful kitchen.
Maybe it was supposed to be my finished kitchen.
Get off kitchen.
Anyway, so he's coming towards me with this look.
I mean, and then he just grabs me and he picks me up and he shoves me on the countertop.
And then right when we're about to kiss, Ben woke me up.
You know what's crazy about your sex dream? There's no sex in it.
The whole thing was so out of nowhere.
Not really.
Pete put you in the friends box and now you want out of it.
- No, I don't.
- Ow! You okay? Yeah, so this will definitely scar.
Oh, that's a lot of stitches.
Yeah, I was having fun.
It's a pretty good job, I mean, I usually self-stitch.
Thank you, Ben.
Isn't that what we say? Gracias, Benjamin.
Hey, uh, my insurance is mostly through petco and primarily covers my dog, so Oh, no.
No charge, man.
I enjoyed it.
And I enjoyed Napa with you, lady.
Okay, one more splash of rubbing alcohol.
There we go.
- Oh, does that sting? - No, that's perfect.
Okay, good.
I'm out of here.
Feels good, I got Pete's blood on my hands.
Don't let it mix with yours, your delicate frame can't handle the testosterone boost.
Hi.
Man with a baby out here.
Hey, Dan.
[Gasps.]
Hi, Cooper.
What's up, buddy? How are you? Awake now, thanks to the doll head that just bounced off of his window.
That is weird to have happen, it's disturbing.
Is this like a message or something? Hey, clem, Dan brought back your victory head.
Thanks, Dan-o, good looking out.
This construction project, I'm sorry, has just been a real nightmare for us.
I know, I am so sorry about the noise.
And the trucks and the tools that are on my front lawn and broke my sprinkler.
Hey, Dan, I'm going to make this right.
You, me, beers, wednesday night.
Beers on a wednesday night? That makes me so mad.
I have not slept since January 7th.
Okay, it gets better.
I'm taking you to small claims court.
Oh, I wouldn't that, attorney.
Not her, you.
You've been served by Cooper and associates.
- Yeah, looks about right.
- Pretty much.
What's that smell? Steamed vegetables, that's all I'm eating till opening night.
Come on, pops, you look fine.
No, I'm a load, son.
I'm a disgusting load.
Hey, where's the beer? I threw out all temptation.
I don't like when you do live theater.
It's a big night, I got a lot of industry coming.
And I need a new agent, since Ted died.
From nothing, like that.
- Yeah, he was 83.
- Yeah.
All right, let's crack a window.
It smells like a cabbage sauna in here.
Please don't do that, okay? I need the heat.
I got to drop ten pounds by friday.
All right, here we go.
Thank you for choosing mediation, the alternative to small claims court, welcome.
And welcome back, to some.
I'm a bit of a frequent flyer, Danny boy.
How are you, Tasha? Uh, my fiance and I broke up.
What? Is he crazy? Look at you.
She's very pretty.
She's yeah, you're pretty.
Uh, the purpose here of mediation is to come to an agreement, satisfactory to both parties, so we don't have to go before a judge.
I know, I'm actually a lawyer, so Yeah, she wanted to tag along.
Because I'm a lawyer and also it's my house.
I think it's because she wanted to see me in a suit.
No, it isn't, although it's the one thing I asked him to do, wear a suit.
I actually have a video that I would like to show.
- Clem! - What? What do you want for lunch? - What? - For lunch! Turkey sandwich! Egg salad! Got it! Oh, egg salad is just this huge curveball when you want Turkey.
He was so angry.
Yeah, I know.
Egg salad? 12 years I been working with you, have I ever ordered egg salad? Pumpernickel, mother[Bleep.]
? How about a [Bleep.]
thank you for the [Bleep.]
sandwich? [Bleep.]
Face.
That's when we started closing Cooper's window.
Smart.
You know, I think we get the gist.
Watch this next video.
[Small explosion.]
Yeah, we totally blew up that watermelon.
Did you? Hey, what do you know? Oh, hi, Gary.
Hey, um, I've been meaning to ask you, would you like to do something sometime? - Sure.
- Cool, cool.
Hey, uh, shouldn't Ah.
Should we maybe lock down a specific time? How about friday? That's awesome.
Isn't Walt's play friday night? Yeah, we should go together.
I thought you were doing catering for that.
I am, you can help.
It'll be fun.
Cool, cool.
Ah.
So, at the end of the day, while my contractor is both juvenile and infuriating An irresistible blend.
Super probation.
Uh, I don't see how he was in violation of his building permits.
You know, I'm inclined to agree.
Pete, apologize, pay for the sprinkler, and promise to keep it down.
Dan-o, I'm super sorry.
Pumpernickel.
Shh, sorry.
Congratulations, counselor.
Hey, so, the subway tiles just came in for the backsplash.
You want to check them out with me? Sure, uh, can we do Saturday though, between 4:00 and 5:00? Yeah, I'll have to move some surfing around, but, yeah, I can make it work.
- Great.
- It's a date.
- It's a date, then.
- A tile date.
Hey, check it out, digits.
You got Natasha's number? Yeah, she slipped it to me during minute five of your closing arguments.
When are you going to call her? When would you want me to call you? - I wouldn't.
- Come on.
We're friends, help me get some.
You've shown great proficiency getting some all on your own.
That may be the first compliment you've ever given me.
It's really amazing that you're taking that as a compliment.
Huh, two, back to back.
I am en fuego.
Oh, hey, I just got a confirmation that an agent from Greenstein Becker's going be here opening night.
Oh, they're very good.
The rep a lot of voiceovers.
When the burning, itching, redness You are so good.
He's good.
Of athletes foot gets too much to handle It's too much, okay, I'll bite.
What is with the silver space suits? Opening night looms.
Right, so where did we land on crudites? Oh, I don't think it's special enough.
Not to me.
How about a carving station? With roast beef.
Oh, mmm, and new potatoes just drizzled in bacon fat.
Yeah and a white chocolate fountain.
Oh, huge enough so I can loll about in it like a walrus.
You guys need to eat something.
You know what? I've always wanted to do that thing where I order for you.
- Go for it.
- Okay.
The lady will have the sea bass.
The veal ch The risott eh, you know, we're going to need a sec.
Thank you.
It's just, you know me so well.
Actually I feel like I do know you.
Like I've always known you.
That's so sweet.
I had an amazing time in Napa.
Me too.
I love you, Alex.
What'd you say? I said I loved that he loved me.
Oh, that is so not in the jewelry commercial.
He said he knew it was fast, but that's how it felt and that he didn't even need me to say it back.
All right, that's kind of sweet.
It was, it really, really was.
- Super awkward.
- Absolutely horrifying.
Remember that summer when Billy rafferty had that skylark? Yeah, it was the summer of '65.
I had just turned 16.
And we went down to the quarry and Billy Not Billy, uh, it is Billy.
What's the line? "Down on the quarry where Billy had some cheep cherry Brandy.
" The show opens tonight and you're still not off book.
I'm fine, I just need to That is very, very unprofessional.
And what about you, princess? You were supposed to shave that mustache, remember? Where's your commitment? Will you stop that incessant hammering? Come on! I'm getting less and less down with volunteering my time around here, Pete.
It's a thousand degrees.
All right, tempers are running hot.
How about another cabbage break? No, there's no food until after curtain call.
Weigh-in was a disaster.
Absolute fiasco.
Wow, you're looking good.
Well, it's the theater, you got to bring it.
I love you.
You're lovely.
I don't need to hear it back.
It's how I feel.
Gary, where are the spinach puffs? The dish was really hot and I couldn't find any gloves.
I need them.
- Okay, yeah, I'm on it.
- Thank you.
Charlie.
Welcome to "the fisher brothers," an original work by Walt Riggins.
Look at you, you're so official.
Tonight's performance will be three hours and seven minutes, no intermission.
- Is she serious? - I Any recordings of this performance are strictly prohibited.
Are we okay with that? - Yeah, I don't need it.
- Okay.
Oh, look at this.
Hi.
Wow.
- Can you open that? - Oh.
Sorry.
Those are the wrong puffs.
What's up, people? You guys remember Natasha, right? Hi.
- Hey.
- Hey, how are you? [Vocalizing.]
Excuse me.
Could you stop, please? [Knock on door.]
Yeah? I thought you guys might like to see the programs.
Oh, yes.
You put your name first? - Yes.
- Because? Because I'm the star.
So this is a fun first date.
- Third date.
- Oh.
You're counting the morning, aren't you? Yeah.
We had breakfast.
[Chuckles.]
[Laughs.]
I'm really sorry.
Pete, your dad wants to see you backstage.
Oh, this can't be good.
[Sighs.]
[Knock on door.]
Yeah? Oh, my God.
Darrell quit, I'm not doing the show.
So I would like you to tell everyone.
There are agents out there.
Come on, dad.
You'll feel better after you eat that tin of lasagna.
- I can't.
- The show must go on.
That's not a real saying.
This should be interesting.
[Applause.]
Welcome to "the fisher brothers," the story of two brothers who gave their lives to the postal service and now face retirement.
Tonight's running time will be three hours and seven minutes.
That just can't be right.
[Footsteps approaching.]
Yeah, remember when Billy rafferty got that new skylark? [Chuckling.]
The summer of '65, I had I had just turned 16.
Oh, yeah, I could do three hours of this.
We went down to the quarry.
[Crash.]
I love live theater, love it.
So you just broke up with your fiance? Eight months ago? Oh, still , huh? No, I'm better.
Brutal.
Where'd you go to law school? Stanford.
- What? - Stanford.
Oh, Stanford.
You scared of the East Coast? Some people are.
So you dropped the L-Bomb, huh? I did.
Man knows what he wants.
I respect that.
That's how I feel.
- Super awkward, huh? - Almost unbearable.
I mean, you were great.
No, no, come on.
I mean, you were the guy.
You really pulled it off.
Thanks, Walt.
Have you ever thought of acting as a life choice? - As a life choice? - Hey, Walt.
- Yes? I want to introduce myself.
Tony Dodds from Greenstein Becker.
A pleasure.
I'm going to need the table.
So, I heard the other actor dropped out at the last minute.
Yeah, well, the show must going on, Tony.
That's real.
Well, I thought you were incredible.
Really? I'd love to hear about that.
Specifics.
Hey, you were pretty good up there.
It was kind of last minute.
Oh, yeah? Mr.
cool under pressure.
So what do you got going on later? Nothing.
Would you want to help me carry out some of the Do you ever think that you'll be interested in me romantically? Wow, uh, well Gary, you are a really good guy.
So probably not.
Then I don't think I will be able to wash your car.
I understand.
I would love to talk to you about some voiceover opportunities.
Excuse me.
Thespian down.
It's getting late.
Yeah, I think we're going to hit it.
What? You're going to sleep? I didn't say that.
You're both so lame.
Boo! Maybe we should hit it too.
Go home and get a fire going in the living room? What are you talking about? We haven't even played the bar basketball thingy-dingy.
Come on, couple versus couple, bet you 20 bucks.
Gambling addict.
Did you know that about him? - So am I.
- Oh, perfect.
Come on, you guys.
42, 44, 46, 48! Oh, my God! Wow, hey.
Hey! You suck! You suck, Natasha, you suck, Pete.
You two, the team of you two, who we beat.
It's just for fun, you know? Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.
- 2,163.
- What's that? That's the number of auditions I have been rejected at.
But I'm made of teflon.
Bullets bounce off of me.
But you know the exact number.
With screwsie, you got to be bulletproof, all right? So I want you to Listen to me.
I want you to pick yourself up, put some pancake on your face, and grow a pair.
Yeah.
You told Natasha she sucks? At bar basketball.
I mean, come on, she's a big girl.
No, you've been weird all night.
She made like four baskets in two hours.
What is going on with you? What do you mean, "what's going on?" What's going on with you? "Oh, look, I got these digits, when should I call her?" And then, the next minute, you're like, "let's go on a date on Saturday.
" To buy tile, a tile date.
And Natasha? Come on.
Hot, lawyer, brunette.
I mean, she's basically my doppelganger.
That's a twin.
No, I'm just still processing that you called yourself "hot.
" That was so bad.
I need to talk to you for a second.
Okay, sure.
I like you.
I know that.
And you act all glib, but I know who really are.
You're sweet and you're gentle and you're a little bit shy.
Um, I don't think that's me.
Okay, shut up.
It is.
And you deserve to be with a good guy and I'm that guy who you deserve to be with, who's good, guy.
Let me tell you what's going on here.
Please, enlighten me.
- You're with Ben.
- Yeah.
And I'm on a date with a smart, pretty girl and you're freaking out.
Come on, did she really go to Stanford? Oh, my God.
I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford.
You're all over the place.
Okay, Gary, I really don't think that you Shut up.
Okay, would you please stop telling me to What do you want? What do you want? For you to say what the hell you want.
I want you to be my contractor.
Sounds good, boss.
You're late.
Yeah, some dude in the parking lot took up two spaces with his giant truck.
Sounds like a cool guy.
This looks so familiar.
Yeah, I showed it to you in the catalog like five times.
Oh, yeah.
It's my favorite.
You know, it'd be really nice if you listened.
It's not bad, huh? It's kind of perfect.
- Okay, I'm out of tape.
- Let's do this.
I'm sorry I wore gym clothes to work, okay? I'm sorry, okay? Apology accepted, but there is a dress code, so punishment must be handed down.
I don't feel good about this.
I feel great.
Hit it, clem.
Ah! Guys, turn it off, I'm going to blow.
[Fabric ripping.]
All: Oh! God.
Gary goes commando.
I demand that you take me down right now.
That would be inappropriate, you know? With the nudity, it's now become an H.
R.
Issue.
No, no, no, take me down.
Vlad, take me down.
Come on, Vlad.
- Let's grab a lunch? - Yeah.
- We deserve it.
- Vlad, Vlad! Take me down.