Bewitched (1964) s01e06 Episode Script

And I give you my personal guarantee, finer merchandise does not exist.
- These are the finest bristles made.
- No thank you.
I already have a broom.
Believe me, lady, you can always use an extra one.
No thank you.
Toothbrushes, polish your smile.
Never know when people are gonna drop in.
No, really.
The barbeque, extra stiff bristles for the barbeque.
I told you, I already have all the brooms and brushes I can use.
That's impossible, lady, no housewife ever has enough brooms and brushes.
All right, see for yourself.
Sweetheart, no breakfast for me.
I won't have time.
But, Darrin I'm late, honey.
Something happened to the alarm.
You might as well relax, dear, you missed your train already.
I have? How do you know? - Have you been? - No, no.
It's watchcraft, not witchcraft.
Well, the next train isn't till 9:30.
Oh, dear, isn't that a shame.
Well, I guess they'll just have to muddle through at the office without you for an hour.
Okay, and I'll just muddle around here for a while.
Save my place.
I'll be right back.
Well, good morning.
What can I do for you? Look, son, I've got a lot on my mind this morning so Well, hello, Marshall.
What a surprise.
How come? I'm here every morning.
Who's he? I live here, that's who I am.
Who are you? That's Marshall, he lives down the street.
I see.
You overshot your mark.
It's okay.
I can stay for breakfast.
But you better not kiss me because I've got a cold I think.
He's got a problem.
He's got a problem? What is he doing here? I'm his only friend in the neighbourhood.
Well, you're my only wife, and I thought we'd have a nice breakfast together.
Anything I can do, Mrs.
Stephens? No, no, Marshall.
You go and sit down.
Breakfast is ready.
"Anything I can do, Mrs.
Stephens?" Darrin, now, try to understand.
He's an unhappy little boy with a nervous, overprotective mother and no father.
So he comes over here every morning to play with you.
I knew you'd understand.
- I certainly do.
You're interfering.
- What do you mean? His problems are none of your business.
- I'm merely being his friend.
- I know you, Samantha.
Oh, really? You only look vaguely familiar to me.
No thank you.
My mother says I'm allergic to strawberries.
- What happens when you eat them? - I don't know.
I never had any.
Samantha, his mother does not want him to eat strawberries.
Boy, they sure look good.
How about some juice, Marshall? That's right, you can't have that either.
Too acid.
Or French toast, too rich, or sausage or I don't mind much about the juice.
Marshall, why don't you go on home and ask your mother if you can try one strawberry.
- She'll say no.
- How do you know? She always says no.
Besides, she doesn't know I'm here.
I'm supposed to be in my room nursing the cold I'm probably getting.
- Your face isn't flushed.
- I'm not even sniffling yet.
- See? - You don't have a fever.
Samantha, his mother says he has a cold.
Yes, dear, I know.
I just meant that his eyes look perfectly all right.
But his mother says he has a cold.
And she is his mother, isn't she? Oh, yes, she certainly is.
Marshall! I'm being come after.
Marshall! Here I am, Ma! She can run two blocks in 27 seconds with high heels on.
Marshall, I've been just frantic.
What are you doing here? I'm Mrs.
Stephens, this is my husband, Mrs.
Burns.
Marshall was just visiting.
How do you do? I told you to stay in your room.
You have a cold.
If you're too young to realise how dangerous it is to run around with a cold I should think at least an adult would recognise it.
But he isn't even sniffling.
I'm sure there was no great damage done.
But Marshall shouldn't have disobeyed you.
Thank you, Mr.
Stephens.
I'm glad to see that at least you are a sensible person.
Mrs.
Burns, all I tried to do was You have no children, Mrs.
Stephens.
That's quite obvious.
- Oh, it is? - We've only been married a short time.
Because if you did, you'd realise that their health is something precious that has to be constantly guarded.
I raise my Marshall very carefully.
And I do not appreciate interference from anybody.
Please remember that.
Come along, Marshall.
- Samantha.
- Bye-bye, Marshall.
Come back any time.
Sam, don't you think you ought to try to get your mind off that boy? I can't help it.
Every time I think of him Ionely, no friends, can't play with other children They're all carriers, you know.
Sam, I'm just as sorry for that kid as you are.
But he's not our responsibility.
The best thing we can do is to discourage him from hanging out here.
- His mother has certain ideas and - Like strawberries are poisonous.
- That's her opinion.
- So is French toast.
- And so is French toast.
- And baseball is a dangerous game.
And baseball is a Dangerous game? - Baseball? - I knew you would.
- Knew I'd what? - Help him with his baseball.
- Not if his mother doesn't - But, Darrin Samantha, he's not our son.
Well, if we ever do have a son and I get the silly notion baseball is dangerous I certainly hope someone will see to it that your son doesn't miss the Junior League tryouts tomorrow afternoon.
I am playing golf tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not.
- Samantha, will you please - Yes, I will.
I knew you'd want me to go with him.
And if he makes the team, his mother will change her mind.
- Thank you, darling.
- Samantha, baseball is not the issue.
I don't wanna talk about baseball anymore.
You? All right, buddy, right in here.
Give it right to him.
Little high.
Now remember, when you get out there, all you need is confidence.
- You're as good as you think you are.
- Oh, I think I'm pretty good.
Trouble is, I know I'm pretty bad.
- Go on.
- Okay, let's try it again, Freddy.
- How do you do, Mrs.
Stephens? - Oh, hello.
I'm Gladys Kravitz, your neighbour.
Remember? Yes, of course.
How are you, Mrs.
Kravitz? I didn't know you were interested in Junior League baseball.
Oh, yes, I came with a friend.
That's my nephew, Floyd, down there.
Oh, really, which one? The beautiful one at bat.
You can practically see his eyelashes from here.
Belt it, Floyd! Nobody can pitch to him.
Okay, Jimmy, that's enough.
Come on in.
Okay, Burns, mound.
Next time you'll do it, son.
Okay, let's see what you can do today.
You're not serious.
Marshmallow Burns? His name is Marshall.
- Oh, is that your friend? - It is.
Oh, I didn't mean to laugh.
But, well - Well, what? - He's always been afraid of baseball.
He's afraid of his own shadow.
Okay, let's see what you can do.
Right into his target.
Come on, Marsh.
That's okay.
Once more now.
Right in there, put it right to him.
Well, you see what I mean.
He can't play.
He's just a little slow getting started, that's all.
Once more.
Get it right into his target.
Choke up on your bat.
Watch the ball, Floyd.
That's my Floyd! Well, maybe if you worked with Marshmallow Marshall a little bit Up to now I've done everything that was humanly possible.
Did you see that? Mrs.
Kravitz, you ain't seen nothing yet.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, darling.
Darrin, Marshall made the team.
- You went to the tryouts today.
- Yes.
And Coach Gribben says he's gonna be a triple threat.
- Know what that means? - I certainly do.
It means all three of us are in trouble when his mother finds out.
I should think she'd be proud of him.
I was and you would've been too.
You should've seen Gladys Kravitz.
Her nephew is the star of the team.
Up until now that is.
Just how much did you have to do with the athletic awakening of Marshall Burns? - I just gave him confidence.
- What else did you give him? - What else is there? - Oh, well there's that: And there's that: And probably a few other rituals I'm not familiar with yet.
Oh, Darrin, really.
"Oh, Darrin, really, yes"? Or "Oh, Darrin, really, no"? Because if you did, Samantha, you did that kid a big disservice.
He's playing in the opening game.
You can't follow him around the rest of his life wiggling and twitching at him.
You've given him false security.
I just tried to get him started.
After he plays for a while, he'll have a chance to improve and get his confidence back.
He won't need me.
But, Sam, suppose it doesn't work that way.
Suppose the boy What's that? The backyard gate.
Someone's in the yard.
I'll go with you.
- Marshall.
- Oh, hi, Mrs.
Stephens.
- What are you doing here? - Running away from home.
Why? Because it's a big, wide, wonderful world.
Lots of places to see and things to do.
And my mother won't let me play on the team.
Well, why not? Bats get thrown, the ball is hard, the grass is wet, the sun is hot.
Okay, I get the picture.
Let's go.
- Where are we going? - Inside to call his mother so she can come and take him home.
- Where's Marshall? - He's perfectly all right.
He's in the den watching television.
I thought it might give us a chance to talk.
I don't know how he got out of the house.
- What's he doing here? - He was running away, Mrs.
Burns.
Running away? Why? Because you've got him wrapped in cotton batting and he's smothering.
Samantha, Mrs.
Burns may be a very cautious and concerned mother, but Concerned? Well, I don't understand either one of you.
If you were concerned, you'd know how important it is for a boy his age to have friends, to be part of a gang, to be accepted.
You should've seen his face when he told me he made that team.
- It made me want to cry.
- I've told you not to interfere.
Mrs.
Burns has every right to choose her boy's activities.
Thank you, Mr.
Stephens.
I'm glad to see that you understand.
I do.
You've gotta watch these kids every minute.
And incidentally, I'd have that trellis removed from the side of the house.
- Trellis? - Yes, he told us that's how he got out.
Climbing down that fragile trellis.
Oh, no.
I can't believe it.
That's a favourite means of escape for most boys.
Used it myself.
That's very kind of you to let me know.
- I'll have it removed immediately.
- Traitor.
Of course, it might be easier if you put locks on his window.
- Locks? - Probably be cheaper too.
And a lock on his door with only one key.
That way it'd be impossible for him to get out.
- I don't think that will be necessary.
- Well, there's no sense taking chances.
When a boy feels like a prisoner, he'll do anything to get out.
Incidentally, I'd keep him out of the kitchen.
Very dangerous room, the kitchen.
Well, Marshall doesn't spend much time there anyway.
There's so few things he can eat, it hardly seems worthwhile.
- Mrs.
Stephens.
- Oh, and the bathroom.
Worst room in the whole house.
Wouldn't have one in our home.
- Too dangerous.
- Even worse than baseball.
I've heard all I'm going to listen to, thank you.
Marshall! Mrs.
Burns, please, don't get angry.
What we were trying to say is you can't protect anyone from everything.
Mr.
Stephens, and I'll ask you for the last time stay away from my little boy, you hear me? You stay away from him or I'll report you both to the authorities.
Come on, Marshall, we're going home.
- Darrin.
- Forget it, honey, just forget it.
Will nothing in this world stop your interference? Will nothing? Just a minute, calm down, Mrs.
Burns.
What's the trouble? Don't tell me he isn't here.
Don't.
If you're talking about Marshall, no.
- Where else would he be? - He's run away again? And this time he didn't even take his clothes with him.
The game.
The Wildcats are playing their season's opener today.
Of course.
Mrs.
Burns, he's perfectly all right.
He's gone to play in the big game.
- Do you think so? - I'm certain of it.
Then there's still time to stop him.
He just left a short while ago.
You don't mean you're really gonna stop him from playing? If other mothers realised how seriously a child could be hurt out there they wouldn't permit it either.
- But lots of mothers I don't wanna hear any more.
Samantha, Mrs.
Burns is right.
This is our fault.
I think we should help her.
- Mr.
Stephens, I don't trust you.
- You wanna get to the park, don't you? - Yes.
- Well, we'll take you.
- You don't drive, do you? - Well, of course not.
I didn't think so.
Come on, Sam, there's no time to lose.
Now, you won't drive too fast, will you? No faster than the law allows, There certainly isn't much traffic, is there? Certainly isn't.
But we sure are making good time.
Seems to me that light has been red for about 15 minutes.
- You suppose it's broken? - Oh, I don't think so.
It should change any minute now.
- There it is.
- Good.
Strike three! You're out of there, son.
Okay, Kravitz, get in there and swing away.
Okay, coach.
Play ball! - Abner, Floyd is up to bat again.
- Wonderful.
Well, the least you could do is look at him.
Why do I have to look at him? Don't I give him money? Belt it, Floyd! Ball.
Marshall! Marshall, you come here! Strike one.
Haven't you anything to say to me? I pitched three innings and I only gave up one hit.
- You're kidding.
- And I got a single and drove in one run.
- Ball two.
I'm very proud of you, Marshall.
But you shouldn't have left without telling your mother.
She was very worried about you.
Now, that's not right.
I'm sorry, Ma.
But we can go home now if you want.
All right, Kravitz! He's safe! Abner, look what happened.
The tying run is on base.
Your nephew, Floyd, hit a double.
Don't yell, Gladys.
Does everybody have to know our business? Come on, you're up.
Get in there and tear the cover off of it.
- I can't, coach.
- You can't? What do you mean you can't? - What does he mean, he can't? - You better ask his mother.
- What does he mean he can't? - I'm Marshall's mother.
What does he mean he can't? What's the matter with him, Mrs.
Burns? Nothing.
Nothing at all.
Go on, Marshall.
Belt it, Marsh! - We want a hit! - Yeah, we want a hit! They used to call him Marshmallow.
- Down in front! - Yeah! Down in front! There they are.
The Stephens from across the street.
I swear there's something funny about her.
She came here yesterday with Marshmallow Burns.
Oh, he was miserable.
And before that he couldn't do anything.
But then she came along, he improved 100 percent.
Now, what do you think about that, Abner? I think it's entirely possible the same thing would happen to me.
Strike one! - We want a hit! - Come on! - Not so much as a twitch, understand? - No, no, of course not.
He did very well before we got here, didn't he? Let's keep it that way.
Come on! Come on! Strike two! - Come on, Marsh! - Belt it! - Come on! - Hit a home run! Belt it, Marshall.
All right, play ball.
Sam, don't do it.
Let him be on his own and let the chips fall where they may.
Get me home, Marsh.
Get me home! Come on! Attaboy! Come on, boy! Come on! He'll never make it.
He just can't.
I know he can't.
- Sam, don't you dare.
- Oh, Darrin! Safe! - Did he make it? - I was watching you.
Great play on the ball, Clark.
You're all great! - Marshall, your nose is bleeding.
- I know, Ma.
Ain't it great? That boy of yours has got a lot of spunk.
What does he mean he can't? He's got the makings of a fine ball player.
- Oh, really? - Well, yes.
If his father would work with him a little.
Oh, I'm a widow, Mr.
Gribben.
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe I ought to drop over and work with him a little.
You know what I mean.
Well, that will be just fine if Well, if you think it would be worthwhile.
Wasn't it an exciting day? Aren't you glad you went? - I mean, for Marshall's sake.
- Yes, I am.
I'm very proud of him.
And he did it all by himself, you saw that.
Yes, but you almost slipped.
I was crazy about the way you stopped me.
Thank you very much.
The pleasure was all mine.
Now, how about some dinner? Anything you want.
You just name it.
Chateaubriand, coq au vin bouillabaisse.
I'm going to twitch us up a banquet tonight.
Sam, you promised.
Well, all right.
Stop me again and I'll scramble us up a couple of eggs.