Big Box Little Box (2015) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Over 20,000 new products are released in the UK every month.
- It can't be a car.
- It is a car! Flatulence filtering underwear.
But are they any good? To help us find out, homes across Britain are getting a special delivery.
Move it from here.
Over two days, they'll be living with a truckload of the latest gadgets and gizmos - Hahaha! - Does it look good? I can see my boobs.
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to find out if they really make life easier.
Oh, my goodness.
Hi there! Or if they're simply a waste of space.
- What? - Shut up, that is just ridiculous.
- You've missed this bit.
- Could you stop criticising, please? I'm very confused.
Look at him go.
Coming up this week What? Bird poo on your face? A face mask that leaves a foul impression.
You can't laugh cos you look green too.
Exercise boots to bounce you to healthy new heights.
- Walk, walk, walk, walk.
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! - Keep moving, keep moving.
- And - What a funny little thing.
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a robotic massager which aims to hit the right spot.
- Oh! - Thanks for that.
- Sorry.
- Now, you need a pair of pliers.
- To do what? Well, I'll tell you once you've got your pair of pliers.
It's morning of day one.
You just sit there and I'll just do all the running around.
Sid and his wife Shabina are testing out a robotic lawnmower.
Now, you gotta cut that a little bit so that you show the wire.
- So I don't need pliers, do I? I need a wire cutter.
- Same thing, isn't it? Yeah, you try cutting that with pliers, man.
This high-tech garden gadget cost around £1,000 and claims to be effortless, intuitive and intelligent.
- OK.
- Is it really worth the hassle? - You haven't even started.
- That's what I'm saying.
- Takes you this long just to set the lawnmower up.
- Anyway, what am I doing? You need to peg that into the ground.
Sid that thing needs to be facing that direction or that direction.
I'm not doing this.
Seriously, I'm not doing it.
No, let's give it a go.
It's the most work that you've done in the garden for ages.
And it's the last time.
- Why don't you put that in the corner, right? - Yeah.
Now peg it in.
No, actually, you can't put it in the corner.
It has to be in the middle somewhere so you you're better off putting it back there.
Can I just put it back in the box? Right, what next? Well, we've gotta do this perimeter wire, John, so it needs to come down here really.
John and Sue's gardener is away, so they're getting to grips with his robotic replacement.
Look, I know I'm bossy, but just do it, would you? - What do you want me to do? - Follow me round here.
- Do you want me hammer that thing? - I can't do it with my fingers.
Now they need to mark out the area they want cut with some wire.
Panelling pegs into the grass is a bit tedious, isn't it? What's all this about its intuitive intelligence? - Yeah, well - We've done all the work.
Shabs, this is ridiculous, man.
Shall I go and make myself a cup of tea while you do the perimeter? - Do you know what? You might as well go shopping and come back.
- I think I will, actually.
She's taking the biscuit, isn't she, Rayhan? - Do I look silly? - I know.
Ooh, nice.
You're looking like a skater boy.
Family fitness is important to the Lloyds, so the next product should be right up their street.
Right, the first one is going on.
Shall I try They're testing Kangoo boots.
They claim to reduce impact on joints.
Yo! - What do you think? - Yeah, they're quite good.
- Me and Jacob look like we're at a barn dance.
Cotton Eye Joe Yee-haw.
- Oh, my goodness, Joan.
- Yep.
- I'm exhausted.
- We've not even started.
- Exhausted? Look at these.
Oh, my Oh, God, no.
No! Good friends Joan and Ingrid are a little bit more relaxed when it comes to exercise.
Oh! Oh, it's got pictures of Americans.
- How do you know they're Americans? - Oh, they look Californian.
Oh, God.
Can't we just walk? - Get into the zone, Poppy.
- Selfie? The Lloyds have stepped up the fitness challenge with a family competition.
- 22, 23, 24, 25.
- Girls! - 26, 27.
- How do we lock them? - If they're like ski boots? - I've never done skiing.
- Oh, I've done skiing.
- Did you? - Yeah.
That's the first exercise thing I've heard you do.
- It was more for the drinking really - Oh! - Than the skiing.
- Right, when you get up, you can't stand still.
- Ah! - Move, move.
Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.
- Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! - Walk, walk.
Walk.
- Oh! Oh! The thing said on it 'Do not stand still', so I was paranoid, cos I was convinced if you stood still -- I don't know -- they'll explode or something.
They didn't.
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26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
- We had to make the boots more interesting than what they were - Yeah.
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by doing something in them.
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two, three - Ah! - Three.
- One more, one more.
- Who won the competition? Yes, yeah, thank you.
Yeah.
- Congratulations.
- Well done.
- Thank you.
Meanwhile, back in Ilford That didn't take long, did it? - We forget something we need to measure.
- The length of time it took me to make the tea.
- Now that Sid's garden is pegged out - Three, two, one, go.
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the lawnmower must follow the wire to map the cutting area.
Rayhan, look.
Robot's working, look.
Move the tennis ball.
If this is an obstacle, please remove it and machine will continue mapping.
Oh, look at that.
- It seems to have done it OK, doesn't it? - Yeah.
- That's its docking station.
- Mmm.
If this is an obstacle, remove it.
But it's the docking station.
With mapping complete, the lawnmower needs to return to its dock Three, two, one, go.
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before setting out to cut the grass.
Come on, you little beauty.
- We did it, finally.
- We did it.
Obstacle.
Mapping failed, put back in docking station to repeat mapping or alternatively chuck it in the bloody dustbin.
Probably pressed the wrong button.
Wanna have another go at it? It is amazing to see it just going like that, though, isn't it? Just when it's all going so well, they hit a snag.
- Oh, dear.
- We didn't fasten it down and it's broken it.
- Broken the wire, I mean.
- Mmm.
- Well, we have to start from scratch.
- Yes.
Yes.
I'll map properly this time.
- Obstacle.
- It's a docking station.
But then when it says docking station, it failed.
Without the patience to get through the set-up, Sid will never know what it might have done.
I'm all for gadgets, I'm all for new robotics and this, that, the other, but that, no way on earth would you get me anywhere near one of them.
No.
- We have to redo this whole wire.
- That's right.
- I can't be bothered.
I'm sorry, I've had enough of it.
- Poor.
- So are you blaming the machine? - Yes.
For the fact that we didn't set it up correctly? Eenie meenie miney mo.
It's all about balance.
That's it.
- Oooh! - What is that? - It's like a robotic mower.
- The ultimate Wi-Fi kettle.
- Joan, we're getting silly now.
Is it a physical mask or do you cover your face with the unguent? Retired teachers Sue and John are testing out a facial mask with an unusual ingredient.
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yes? - It's called Uguisu Poo.
I really think they might have chosen a better name for this.
It's made from Japanese nightingale droppings.
- So we're saying it's actually nightingale poo, is that it, really? - Yes.
- Mmm, lovely.
- I wonder why it says 'illuminating' on it.
I wonder if they've got the idea of an illuminated manuscript, perhaps.
- No, John, it's a common word used in cosmetic circles.
- Oh, right.
The idea of having a facial is not really at the top of my agenda.
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
Barry's been living with landlady Julie for just over two months.
He's not one for beauty treatments.
So will the bird poo be a hit? Right, come on, love.
Cack on me.
I'm only going to do one side, Barry.
Stab me in the eyeball, why don't you? Don't get it in my gob.
I don't want poo in my mouth.
- It's, like, setting on your face, Barry.
- Good.
Well, I don't feel sexy at all.
- You're not going to until you take it off and you think, "Wow!" - Will it make me look 20 years younger? So why have you only done half my face, then? Sorry, blundered there a bit.
It could cost me my sight, this.
No, you're all right.
There's only a tiny bit in your eye.
Let's have a look at your face, Barry.
- Your face looks smoother.
- Really? Magnified glass, see if you can see it.
- Yeah, I don't look younger.
- When you go out on Friday, make sure whoever you fancy's on this side of you.
How do you get it off? Don't worry, leave that to me.
I think in the world of marketing, poo is not the strongest noun to have appeal.
I think if they'd gone for something like excrement Excrement! I think that would probably have been slightly better.
The forehead, it glistens.
It is illuminated.
Well, you could say faeces but Well, I think that would be less offensive than poo, personally.
- Rayhan, look.
- I can't.
- Everything's possible, it just needs a little bit of time.
- I can't do that.
- A robot mower.
- I can't believe that.
- Oh, I know! - Oh, bless it.
- It's trying to get me.
Whoa, I'm tall! - You can do it, can't you? - Yes! - Yes! Yes! You beauty! Households across the UK are living with the latest gadgets and gizmos Uguisu poo.
What the hell is that? .
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to see if they live up to their own hype.
- Let's get started.
- Right, start with the base.
It's laundry day at the Smarts'.
Looks like some sort of medieval torture.
The pair are testing the Tubi machine.
Here, this, I think, goes on there.
It claims to iron and dry clothes at the same time.
Right-tighty.
I've got that, then.
Now what? - Slip the shirt cover over it.
- There we are.
Lovely.
Fit the clothing item.
- Da-da! - Right.
- Fine, next.
- You are now ready to do this, I think.
So I've got a tatty old iron and ironing board.
I think I'll get a better result - So bad.
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off this tatty old thing.
I'm proper embarrassed.
Matt and Nicola are testing the product in the only way they know how.
Ready, steady, iron.
Another competition.
Right, I'm just gonna start.
- Yeah, but is your iron hot enough? - No.
Oh, you're cheating.
- Are you ready? - I'm at - Oh! Oh, my lord.
Wow.
Presents a pretty hideous picture of a man, I have to say.
Oh! - Pinged up.
- Is it not working? - No.
- Oh, dear.
- Are you finished? Yeah.
Three you are, there's the perfectly - ironed shirt.
- It isn't a perfectly ironed shirt.
- Well, it is ironed.
- No, this bit here.
Nobody who irons anything is gonna say that's perfectly ironed.
Well, I personally don't iron the shirts in this establishment.
Would it be fair to say you've never ironed a shirt? I don't I, I Oh, I'm I don't think I'm Well, I haven't, no, I haven't actually.
The laundry machine had plenty of potential but the human touch is much more successful.
You could have been more complimentary, actually.
What I meant to say was nothing could be better than your ironing skills, darling.
So let's have a look.
The clear winner is Matt's shirt.
I did clip the shirts on, but obviously didn't do it tight enough - and they all pinged off, so - Excuses, excuses.
- Yeah.
That was my reasoning.
- No, you're a good ironer, Matt.
- Thanks.
You're welcome.
What's a relaxation robot do, like? I'm not sure if it's inducing any weight loss.
That's the border cut, then.
Let's do the next bit now, which is cutting inside of it.
It couldn't be easier, this says.
In South East London, it's time for Joan and Ingrid's morning cuppa.
Download the app.
- So I need to look for Wi-Fi kettle.
- Wi-Fi kettle, yeah.
The girls are testing the world's first Wi-Fi kettle that you can turn on with your phone.
- Yes, I'm impressed.
- Let me go to my Wi-Fi.
Yeah, because I really want my phone to know about my tea-drinking habits.
- Yeah.
- I love the concept.
I love the idea that I come down and the kettle's already boiled.
Oh, Joan.
Just come down the stairs and put the damn kettle on, you know what I mean? 21st century and I'm sitting on the bus but my heating's on, my bath's being run, da-da-da-da-da.
My kettle's boiling, but we need to differentiate what's important and what isn't, don't you think? I've got a family member who can see their mum in Jamaica from the CCTV.
- Well, that's - And I think that's what I'd like, watching my mum pottering around her house.
- OK, now, you see - And that she's all right.
- That's a good idea, Joan, but it's a little bit scary.
- Is it, isn't it? - It's a little bit stalker-ish.
- Right, the app's downloaded now.
- Right.
Jacob's on tea duty with his dad Matt.
Move the arrow along.
Try - .
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setting up closer to your router.
Ready? - Yeah.
So maybe it's just that initial connection.
See, I thought it'd be bluetooth.
- No, that's why it's called the Wi-Fi kettle.
- Ah, we're in.
- Let's make a brew.
- So it's now 15 minutes.
- I'm gasping.
- I'm more than gasping.
- Shall we just use my old kettle? - Yeah.
Put it on, we'll boil it, we'll have the tea, we'll have a think.
- Plonk it on there.
- Plonk it on.
- Right.
- Here we go.
Reconnecting.
Right, try Yes! - It was better than the standard kettle - Yeah.
- And it's dead quiet as well, which was nice.
- Mmm.
Sometimes you can, like, you don't want the kettle to sound like a train or anything.
It was good.
Plonk this in, put that on.
With a cup of tea made from Joan's regular kettle, the pair are ready to give the Wi-Fi kettle another try.
- And then - Yay! - We're in.
- Thank God for that.
- Yes! - I'm not in.
- It came on.
I know, but I don't even care now.
I really don't even care.
- I'm glad it's boiling.
- Ah! Ah! Ah! - You do like a gadget.
- Oh, isn't that cute? No, it isn't.
That's 50 minutes out of our lives that we'll never get back.
I liked it.
It's not the same as ringing your husband and say, "Oh, can you put the kettle on, darling?" You can do it yourself.
What's the purpose of having a husband if it's not to ring up to put the kettle on? - Really? - And it looks nice.
- It's a sexy-looking bit of kit.
- Mmm.
- Yep.
- When it works.
- Yeah.
He-hey! - Pert butt! - Oh, my God.
- Oh! - Oh! Plug the kettle into your router.
What's that supposed to mean? - Plug the kettle next to your router.
- Oh, sorry.
I can taste the Wi-Fi.
Ah, nice.
Oh, it's lovely, this, Barry.
It's very nice.
Looks a bit weird from where I'm stood.
Barry and his landlady Julie are trying out a robotic massager.
Is it going where it wants to go? I don't think it knows where it wants to go.
It claims to revitalise the body and dissolve stress in a matter of minutes.
I can see all them things going round.
I feel like a walnut whip.
- Would you like a go? - Yeah, I'll have a do.
- What's it feel like, though? - Oh, it tickles.
It's very nice, though.
- We're not really very relaxed people, are we? - No.
- We're into tension, really.
- Exactly.
Tension produces work and ideas.
But I think you should have a balance in life.
I think we should seek to relax more.
- Yes, possibly.
- I don't think I ever relax.
Oh.
You need this robot.
It's a bit creepy.
It feels like a creature crawling up your leg and - Yeah.
- Oh, it's gonna get me, it's gonna bite me, you know what I mean? - It's a lump of plastic, love.
It won't do you no harm.
- I know.
- Vibrator first of all.
- Oh, lucky me.
If you were naked, it would be far better because you'd feel it on your skin.
Can you imagine if you were lying down with that in t'front room, not a stitch on like this, and somebody walked past and looked in or t'postman come or summat? I think it's fabulous and it's kept you still for a whole three minutes.
- I quite like that.
- Well, good on you.
- You've obviously got a sensitive back, then, haven't you? - I like a massage.
I do like a massage.
You need to get a man, then, get a proper massage.
It won't compare to a bug on your back.
Tickling whip-like thing going round and round.
It wasn't at all relaxing, I didn't think.
It was like having a toy car on your back, moving about very slowly.
As good as that? The testing is nearly over.
- Huh? - What? - What's this? But there's time for one last product.
- Any ideas? - It's a kitchen safe.
The kitchen safe is a storage box with a time lock.
Place the item in the safe, rotate dial to set timer, press dial to activate lock.
That's it, we're locked.
- Fab.
- Let's put the sherry in there and take it out later.
Set it for a quarter to six.
The problem is actually, if you did lock something up and you did want it, there's no override.
You can break the container but please use extreme caution.
Breaking the container can send sharp debris flying everywhere.
- What you doing? - How much time does mum spend on her phone? - I don't.
- I don't know.
- What does she do when she's making tea? - Watch movies.
- What does she do in her spare time? - Watch a movie.
- Don't know what you're talking about.
- My mum's a phone addict.
She's like a baby who's in need of a dummy.
What does mum do when she's bored at work? Play candy crush.
It's delaying that gratification.
- It's not instant gratification.
- Right, OK.
Maybe by the time the timer is unleashed, I've lost the urge to want the crisps.
Would it not be easier not to buy the crisps? Get off our cases and stop developing little bits of biscuit jars to tell us about gratification.
It's what we've got free will for.
Get over yourselves.
Well Oh, God.
If it's not unlocked, we're really in trouble.
I don't know why, but I just absolutely love that little safe.
Hmm.
Mmm, isn't that good? Ohhh.
The time for testing has run out.
But which products have made a lasting impression? Hm? The boots were good fun, the bounce boots, because we were doing it as a family.
- 30, 31, 32, 33 - You're not competitive at all, are you, Nic? - 34, 35 - After a while I was like, "Can we go and do something else now?" Do you know what I mean? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh, that's really relaxing.
The robot massager, I loved it.
The best bit was when the antennas were going round tickling you.
How do you know if it's charging or not? The lawnmower was an absolute diabolical piece of whatever it is I have ever seen in my life.
We didn't even get as far as cutting the lawn.
I thought that John did really well in applying the facial, I've got to say.
You have to get it into the nooks and crannies and holes and so on that you get round the face.
- That makes my face sound awful.
- No, I think it's everybody's face, not just yours.
- Oh, thank you.
- Mmm.
I think the Wi-Fi kettle's for me.
I'm the best tea maker in the house.
- That doesn't make you the best tea maker in the house.
- Yes, it does.
- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does.
- No, it doesn't.
- It does.
It's a nice good English cup of tea.
- I liked it.
- Well - It's Wi-Fi.
- You put your kettle on through Wi-Fi.
- Yeah, it's Wi-Fi, but why? Why are you doing that? - Are we getting to the point where - Cos we live in a fast-paced world now.
- What fast-paced world? They're making it a fast-paced world.
It's a kettle!