Big Boys (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

1
You'd always say that places
people call shitholes
aren't actually shitholes at all.
But really they're places
full of love
and kindness and community.
Except your ends, which you said
were actually
Such a shithole.
MUSIC: Write Me A Letter
by Oscar Lang
# Take the lock off my charm
# Take a hold of my arm
# Make me feel better
# In time
# You're the way I feel free
# Like the wind by the sea
# So write me a letter
# Sometime
# But, oh, you look sad
# Your smile has fallen down
# I know you feel bad
# And it feels like
you're going to drown
# So listen, listen close
# My heart hurts letting you go
# So write me a letter
# Sometime #
I'm sure he's OK, darl.
He's had a shock about his uni place
and he's clearing his head.
Yeah. Try to take your mind off it.
Think of nice things like
..Wagamama katsu curry.
And, er And how's Corinne?
For the hundredth time,
she's not my girlfriend.
Oh, she got a great arse, Jack.
Even though you'd disappeared,
I knew I still needed to come out
to Mum.
I didn't want to keep pretending
for that whole summer
that I fancied Mulala.
Right. Can we get in our pyjamas
and have a cuppa?
Oh, we ain't staying home, hun.
Oh, no, now I've got you back,
I've got a whole summer planned
of fun shit for us to do,
which starts now. What?
We're going for Sunday lunch
at your favourite restaurant.
Not We're going to Harvester.
Get in. Yes, Watford may also be
a bit of a shithole,
but we have three Harvesters,
so shut up.
So, erm, your grandmother
has now become very unpredictable.
She can get upset or angry
or completely forget
what she's doing and talking about.
Sure she ain't turned into
Janet Street-Porter?
I do not know what that is. Right.
Don't worry, she'll be fine with me.
She can also be quite, er,
frisky.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
HE KNOCKS
Hello?
Morning, Iris.
What do you want?
Hello, hello!
Ooh!
Daniel?
My Daniel?! Come here. Ohh!
SHE LAUGHS AFFECTIONATELY
I got you some roses.
Chocolates? No, look, flowers.
Shame.Oi!
SHE LAUGHS
Let me just pop 'em down here.
Harvester Watford felt like
quite a safe space to come out
Ooh, nice jacket. You too.
..I suppose because
if it all went tits up,
I could still have
a knickerbocker glory.
Mum, I need to tell you
Welcome to Harvester Watford, guys!
My name is Marky B,
I'll be your server today.
Uh, is this your first time?
Oh, I'd be two jeans sizes smaller
if it was.
HE WHIMPERS
God!
HE LAUGHS
Ohh
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
OK. Uh, the salad bar is open
with an array of crisps
Spare us the spiel, hun.
We want bottomless drinks glasses
and every single sauce you can carry
in one go.
Coming right up.
Oh, and two more menus.
Why?
Bloody hell, you do look a twat.
Well, grab the Huggies pack from the
back seat and help me get wiping!
Nan-a!
Nan-a!
So how you been? Yeah, fine.
How you been? Yeah, fine.
Do you like my en suite?
Yeah. I'd love an en suite.
Would ya? Yeah, definitely.
I tell you what,
shall we have a squash? Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
I really don't like that man,
Daniel.
The Polish bloke.
Oh, no?
He's a fucking pervert.
Nanna, I'm sure that's not true.
He keeps trying to shag us! I'm not
trying to fornicate with you, Iris,
just put you to bed and tuck you in.
Right. Look. Here y'are.
Have a look at this, look.
I found that in your post.
I think it's from Dad.
Do you want me to read it for you?
Daniel.
You don't need to write these
any more, love.
Let's not pretend.
MUSIC: Can't Get You Out Of My Head
by Kylie Minogue
Mum,
I've wanted to tell you
over the past year
Oi, oi! Oh, finally!
So I've had to be Smurfette
at Stacey Solomon's son's
sick secret birthday party.
Now I'm getting these celebs'
bookings, I just got to go
the extra mile, you know.
Hiya, crew. What can I get you?
OK, so double brandy and Coke
with a plastic straw if you please.
I'll have a vodka lime soda.
Have you got lime?
Um, yeah, just a bit. We have
a bountiful supply of fresh limes.
No, I'm going to need cordial
because I ain't a hippy.
Yeah
Absolutely. What meals
do you guys fancy?
We'll have half a spit roast each,
all with fries,
two full racks of ribs
for the table.
Two portions of onion rings?
Three? Three?
Five portions of onion rings, erm,
couple of corn on the cobs
for good measure
and
SHE WHISPERS
..me and Nan will share
the 12-ounce rump,
well done, no Diane sauce because
she's got an aversion to mustard.
Thank you.
What? Any allergies?
Sorry Er, any allergies?
And that's Jack,
who I've been living with. Who?
I showed you him before, Nan.
Look, that's Corinne.
And that's her again.
And again.
HE CHUCKLES
Aww.
Pretty girl, Dennis.
It's Danny, Nan.
I'm Danny.
She's stunning, isn't she?
Just like you.
Ohh!
MUSIC: She Drives Me Crazy
by Fine Young Cannibals
That ain't a fucking salad.
Then why is it available
at a buffet of salad, then, huh?
Fat-shaming me again, Nan.
You're a shame to yourself, darling.
Stop being mean to one another,
please.
The Harvester salad bar was meant
to be my happy place.
Careful, Nan, that's spicy.
Spicy for old white people.
You are old white people. I'm
a red devil, just like this sauce,
which I'll drench you in
if you don't back off
from the fucking croutons!
They rowed Wow. ..because deep
down, they really loved each other.
I mean, Shannon wouldn't have shared
a steak with anyone else.
Oh, look, that's me. At the beach.
Must be about five there. Yeah
Oh, look, and there we all are
at Butlins.
That was a nightmare.
SEAGULLS CRY OUTSIDE
Your dad.
Yeah.
He just hated you.
Oh, did he?
You look just like him.
Yeah, I know.
Get out.
Get out. Shall we watch some TV
Get out! Get out!
Get out! Get OUT!
Get out, get out, get out!
Iris. Iris.
And you can fuck off an' all!
Iris, don't worry.
SHE WHIMPERS
I want to go home!
Iris Get my husband.
MUSIC: Danger Stranger
by Esther
# In the dark, but I saw your eyes
# So bright
# So bright
# Find the words
and take them back again
# Really took your time
# Stranger
# But I'll remain
until the horses run
# We'll find a way
# And hide away
# Feel like we're aching
to fall asleep
# Red eyes and a dry throat
# If you want, I'll be yours to keep
# To keep
# To keep
# For a second,
I wanted to split in two
# Just to feel I'm closer beside you
# Still I never thought
that we ever would say goodbye
# Goodbye
# Goodbye #
Hello, you.
I'm not really sure about
this letter you're writing.
Look, before you start, all right,
I'm just so, so tired.
I know.
I'm sorry I wasn't always
the best at being around
when I could've been.
You had your own shit to sort out.
Do you know what I mean?
Like figuring out you
Like cock. Yeah, that.
But I wouldn't have figured it out
if you hadn't made me feel
all right enough to do so.
So whatever that letter is, just
..don't go there.
Because you can't leave us, mate.
Mate, I don't want to leave you.
I want to leave me!
But
..I don't think that's true.
Is it?
So where do I start?
WAVES CRASH
# Find the words
and take them back again
# Really took your time
# Stranger #
Mum, I
I need to tell you
PHONE PLAYS TINNY POP TUNE
HE SIGHS
Hello, you.
# Edging closer to a beating heart
# Do you feel it now?
# Danger
# And time flies,
but it seems to pass me by
# You see it clear
# Not really there #
On that drive home,
you finally told us everything,
that you'd been looking after
your nan for years,
that your dad just didn't care about
anyone else but himself
and that uni felt like
your last chance to be someone.
Don't stink the bog out.
It's a wee, not a poo!
It is a poo, I can tell by the way
he's running.
Cor, I reckon he could be a while.
Yeah, maybe I should sleep
in here tonight.
SHE LAUGHS
DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE
Oh, Danny. I know what it's like
to have crap parents.
Sometimes I think it's harder
than what's happened to Jack
because his dad wanted him.
Didn't want to leave.
But it still is painful
when they live round the corner
and they don't want to know you.
Yeah.
You do feel a bit invisible
sometimes.
But you're not.
I felt like that as a kid.
And in my twenties.
To be honest, I feel a little bit
like that now as a widow,
but you ain't ever invisible
if somebody loves ya.
And my son, he loves you.
But you've got options, darl.
If you don't get back into uni,
think about what else
you might want to do.
Yeah, I always thought I'd train
to be an actor actually.
But everyone already thinks I'm gay.
Plenty of straight blokes start out
in acting.
Look at old Phillip Schofield.
Yeah, true.
Just got to focus on feeling better
and you can stay with us
as long as you need.
As long as you don't mind using
the poo knife in the downstairs loo.
We've all got to cut up our turds
in this house, the cistern's fucked.
OK.
Do we each get our own knife or
No, darling, just the one. OK.
HE GRUNTS
You still ain't told your mum,
have you?
HE SIGHS
No.
I ain't been finding the right
..time orwords or
Yeah. OK. Listen.
I will hand in that appeal letter
tomorrow
if you tell her.
It's a bit emotionally blackmaily,
butdeal.
Sweet. All right, night, Jacky boy.
Night, mate. Just going to have
a quick wank, all right,
just to help me get off to sleep.
Don't you dare!
Morning. Morning.
Now, what do you boys fancy?
I could do my speciality -
Peggy bread. Grow up, Mum!
Or there's a variety pack
of cereals.
Ooh, erm, you got Golden Nuggets?
Well, Golden Nuggets obviously
go first, mate.
Do you know what I might do? I might
just mix and match a few together.
Oh, all right.
Anyway, er, Jack's got something
he wants to tell you, Peg.
What? It's nothing bad, is it?
You do check your testicles
for lumps in the shower, don't you?
Yeah Yeah, he gets me to do that.
Well, what is it?
Come here.
I've realised
that over the past few months,
I don't really like Corinne.
That's fine.
And I don't like many people
like Corinne.
Oh. You're not a racist, are you?
No! I
I like boys.
I
..likelike men.
And I ain't said anything
..because
I'm worried
..I'll let down Dad.
I-I don't want to let down Dad
and I don't want to let down you.
Mate. Does your mum think
you're a racist?
No.
FOOTSTEPS
I told her and she left. Fuck
Right.
Do you remember these?
Year three at school.
You'd have to decorate
and fill up an old shoe box
for the poor Romanian kids.
Bung in warm gloves,
a tube of Aquafresh
and an S Club 7 CD from Woolworths.
Yeah Well, we never
gave this one away.
Because you were about six
and you point-blank refused
to drop it in because you said
you wanted to keep one for yourself.
Jack. Keeping the orphans
from Rachel Stevens, that's selfish.
Anyway, do you remember
Saturday nights as a kid
you watched the X Factor
and then straight after on ITV2
there'd be The Xtra Factor? Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Well, at the very beginning,
all the X Factor judges,
they'd write down their predictions
about who they thought would win
and then a few weeks later,
the final,
Konnie Huq would open the envelopes
and see who guessed correctly.
Yeah, 2010, I was firmly
team Wagner.
Ohh. We love Gamu, don't we? Always.
Anyway, one Saturday night,
your dad had hit the wacky baccy
and I'd had a couple of Cointreaus
and so, um, we decided to make
our own predictions.
But about you.
What? Yeah, we both wrote down
what we thought you was going
to be like when you was older
and we put them in envelopes
and I kept them in this box
for you to open on your 21st
as a silly present.
Do you want to open it?
But I ain't 21 till next year.
Just open it.
I wrote he'll be a solicitor
living in a new-build
by the high street.
Ha. As if I'd ever be able to afford
one of those.
What had Dad put?
"He will probably be a dancer,
"maybe with a boyfriend
up in London."
Yeah, he'd always said to me,
your dad,
he said,
"He could be gay, you know."
Mainly because you was
so good at remembering
the Spice Girls choreography.
He's still good at that.
I promise you, Jack,
he may not be here to say it,
but me and your dad, we don't care.
But you've always said, always,
now he's gone, you can't wait
to have grandkids.
All I ever wanted was you
and for you to be happy.
You know, whether you've got kids,
an husband
or just a fish called Alison,
as long as you're happy and healthy
and not a nonce,
that's all that matters.
Come on, get in.
MUSIC: More I See
by S Carey
# Everything you live for
Danny!
Huhh!
Mum
# Broken leg, I lay here
# Lost in the flood #
And so, at the end of that summer,
we threw a big 60th birthday party
for my dad,
all planned by Shannon,
and we invited everyone we knew.
Here, Pegs,
watch those little fuckers.
They keep jumping
all over your stuff.
It's a bouncy castle, Nan.
They're supposed to.
THEY ALL SCREAM
Come here!
Look out, yeah?
Mwa! OK!
THEY LAUGH
SHE TINGS GLASS
It would've been Laurie's 60th today
and while he's still very missed,
..we wanted to throw
a celebration of his life
because that's just as important
to do
and, er Have an almighty piss-up!
Well, yeah! Yeah!
And, erm, I just feel really lucky
right now
to have my boy-s! Whey!
Yeah Right. No. Here you come.
I'm Shannon, I'm Laurie's niece
and he taught me not to give a fuck
what anybody thought
and to shoplift
without being caught. Yeah!
Eh?!
And to have a laugh as well.
So I'd like to raise a toast
to family.
ALL: To family.
I love ya.
MUSIC: Water
by Ra Ra Riot
To you and me, boy. To us.
And this was the first time
since he'd died
that I'd had friends
round this house
Look who it is.
..and it didn't feel like
just me and Mum any more.
God, you live so close to campus,
why do you have your knickers
in a twist about being in halls?
Everyone get on here! Jack
How's your summer going?
Oh, yeah, really good, thanks.
I actually speak Yoruba now
ahead of a little hols I'm taking,
sort of mooching around
West Africa
HE SPEAKS YORUBA
Oh, right, yes!
Well, thank you, youcharmer!
Yeah, lovely. Oh, erm, Danny
What did you say to her?
Your new hair's not nice.
SHE GIGGLES
Got this for you, sweetheart. Here.
What's this? It's from uni.
About your appeal.
What's that?
Yeah, no, you've got to be
opening it. Sure?
# Don't punish me
# For what I feel
All right.
# Don't
# Don't punish me
# For what I feel
THEY SHOUT IN CELEBRATION
# Took off all these tight clothes
# Jumped into the water
# So I crawled out of the back door
# Took off all these tight clothes
# Jumped into the water
# I jumped into the water #