Cheaters (2022) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
1
OK, so that's five more minutes
left of detention
and then you're all released
from captivity.
WHISPERED: Race you to the other
side? Esther.
Loser buys the first pint.
Fine. But we're do it slalom style.
And no running. Sure.
WHISPERED: Three
..two
..one.
Damn it.
Don't forget I've been doing this
a lot longer than you have.
I'll have a Guinness.
Yes, all right.
Just one though. OK.
Now which one looks the most like a
Charles Dickens character? Oh, easy.
SHE LAUGHS, CLEARS HER THROA
KNOCKING ON DOOR
Hi.
Hi.
DOOR CLOSES
So, er
Fola, um, I am, erm
I'm really sorry about, uh
HE SIGHS
Shit, I probably I should've
written this down. Mm-hm.
Mum's made us dinner, by the way.
Your mum?
No, OUR mum. Er, but she's out.
Er, theytheythey both are.
They? Zack? Sorry, you've
completely lost me. I
No, they're out. They're out,
so we So we can sneak up
andyou can
..fuck me on our parents' bed,
like you promised.
Wha
SHE CHUCKLES
OK, I'm trying to go along with
whatever weird shit you're into,
and you're checking your phone,
so No, erm, maybe we should
..sit down and talk about what's
No, you can't,
No, you can't just send a fucked-up,
but surprisingly hot text
and say you want to talk.
Er
That message
..wasn't meant for you.
SHE LAUGHS
LAUGHING: Oh, my God!
OK I need a drink. Do you
Do you want a drink? Yeah. OK.
HE MOUTHS
Hey, Nat?
Can you change my 6pm to tomorrow?
I, er, I need to get home.
To be honest, I basically just
picked PE
cos I thought there'd be no marking.
It's funny.
I can't imagine that we would've
ever been friends
if we were at school together.
But we're friends now.
Yeah.
I like being friends with my boss.
Yes. Well, erm
Me too.
But, erm, I just wanted to say
I hope you don't think that
Itook advantage of you.
The other week? I don't want you to
think that there was any kind of
power play or Are you? So
Are you joking?
I mean, I appreciate that, but I'm
pretty sure it was me that got in
the back of your cab and started
getting with you, right?
Yes Yes, you did, erm
But still.
Thought I should flag it.
Well flagged.
Probablytime for another cab
..isn't it?
J Erm, just cos, er
..school night and everything.
Yes Yes. Oh.
Home time.
SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
Unless
You want one more?
Um
Um
Sure. Yeah. Why not.
I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Of course, it's your fault.
I just want to crawl into a hole.
I'm sorry, what was that,
Jamie Lannister?
No. It's not incest.
It's step-siblings.
It's not Game of Thrones,
it'sCruel Intentions, or erm,
Alicia Silverstone
and Paul Rudd in Clueless.
It's still weird.
You're a fucking weirdo.
You're going to end up with kids
with webbed fingers or whatever.
Me and Esther aren't actually
related, for the record, OK?
I was just trying to do
the right thing.
And you were about to go along
with it. Yeah, still not normal.
Normal is different things for
different people, so
Oh, that's nice. Did you get that
off the side a coffee mug or
something?
It's not even my! It's Esther,
Esther's into it.
She She's into role-play
and wants us to do more of it
and stuff and
Like, when you've been in
a relationship as long as we have,
you get into a routine.
Yeah, I get that but
I bet you and Zack don't have
that problem!
I bet you're like, doing it upside
down and hanging from the ceiling,
what with the upper arm strength
he has, I mean, oh, my
Sorry, I probably shouldn't be
talking about
SHE EXHALES, SOBS
Oh, shit, sorry. No, I didn't mean
to upset you.
No, it's, erm
It's not you, you idiot.
It's, erm
Oh, God, I can't believe
that I'mcrying.
You're like the third person
I've ever cried in front of.
I cry all the time.
That Paddington film was on
TV the other day
and Esther thought
one of my family had died.
HE GIGGLES, SHE CHUCKLES
No, it's erm
Zack and I haven't had sex
..basically the whole time
we've been married.
That's quite, erm
I mean, that must be difficult.
It's lonely.
It's really fucking lonely.
That's what it is.
Er, sorry, what were you, erm
When you came in, you were going to
say something, before
Come with me.
Is Zack not? I mean, you know,
is this not going to be weird,
I mean, in your own bedroom?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Josh,
that's like if I murdered someone
and you had a problem with me
stealing their wallet.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, sorry!
LAUGHING: Shut up!
There's washing!
JOSH MOANS
FOLA MOANS
KEYS JINGLE
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Hi, my love.
Fola?
I thought we could get a takeaway
and
JOSH AND FOLA PANT AND MOAN
Oh Faster. Yeah?
THEY MOAN
Oh, God I'm close.
Oh, Josh.
HE PANTS FASTER, SHE MOANS
Don't stop
Oh! Cramp, cramp
Don't stop, don't stop,
don't stop
HE LOOSENS BEL
I'm close, I'm close
JOSH'S MOANING INTENSIFIES
I'm close, Josh. Don't stop
Don't stop. Don't stop.
THEIR MOANING INTENSIFIES
THEIR PANTING AND MOANING SLOWS
ZACK SIGHS
FOLA AND JOSH'S MUFFLED CHATTER
THEY KISS, MOAN SOFTLY
What the fuck?
OK, so that's five more minutes
left of detention
and then you're all released
from captivity.
WHISPERED: Race you to the other
side? Esther.
Loser buys the first pint.
Fine. But we're do it slalom style.
And no running. Sure.
WHISPERED: Three
..two
..one.
Damn it.
Don't forget I've been doing this
a lot longer than you have.
I'll have a Guinness.
Yes, all right.
Just one though. OK.
Now which one looks the most like a
Charles Dickens character? Oh, easy.
SHE LAUGHS, CLEARS HER THROA
KNOCKING ON DOOR
Hi.
Hi.
DOOR CLOSES
So, er
Fola, um, I am, erm
I'm really sorry about, uh
HE SIGHS
Shit, I probably I should've
written this down. Mm-hm.
Mum's made us dinner, by the way.
Your mum?
No, OUR mum. Er, but she's out.
Er, theytheythey both are.
They? Zack? Sorry, you've
completely lost me. I
No, they're out. They're out,
so we So we can sneak up
andyou can
..fuck me on our parents' bed,
like you promised.
Wha
SHE CHUCKLES
OK, I'm trying to go along with
whatever weird shit you're into,
and you're checking your phone,
so No, erm, maybe we should
..sit down and talk about what's
No, you can't,
No, you can't just send a fucked-up,
but surprisingly hot text
and say you want to talk.
Er
That message
..wasn't meant for you.
SHE LAUGHS
LAUGHING: Oh, my God!
OK I need a drink. Do you
Do you want a drink? Yeah. OK.
HE MOUTHS
Hey, Nat?
Can you change my 6pm to tomorrow?
I, er, I need to get home.
To be honest, I basically just
picked PE
cos I thought there'd be no marking.
It's funny.
I can't imagine that we would've
ever been friends
if we were at school together.
But we're friends now.
Yeah.
I like being friends with my boss.
Yes. Well, erm
Me too.
But, erm, I just wanted to say
I hope you don't think that
Itook advantage of you.
The other week? I don't want you to
think that there was any kind of
power play or Are you? So
Are you joking?
I mean, I appreciate that, but I'm
pretty sure it was me that got in
the back of your cab and started
getting with you, right?
Yes Yes, you did, erm
But still.
Thought I should flag it.
Well flagged.
Probablytime for another cab
..isn't it?
J Erm, just cos, er
..school night and everything.
Yes Yes. Oh.
Home time.
SHE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY
Unless
You want one more?
Um
Um
Sure. Yeah. Why not.
I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Of course, it's your fault.
I just want to crawl into a hole.
I'm sorry, what was that,
Jamie Lannister?
No. It's not incest.
It's step-siblings.
It's not Game of Thrones,
it'sCruel Intentions, or erm,
Alicia Silverstone
and Paul Rudd in Clueless.
It's still weird.
You're a fucking weirdo.
You're going to end up with kids
with webbed fingers or whatever.
Me and Esther aren't actually
related, for the record, OK?
I was just trying to do
the right thing.
And you were about to go along
with it. Yeah, still not normal.
Normal is different things for
different people, so
Oh, that's nice. Did you get that
off the side a coffee mug or
something?
It's not even my! It's Esther,
Esther's into it.
She She's into role-play
and wants us to do more of it
and stuff and
Like, when you've been in
a relationship as long as we have,
you get into a routine.
Yeah, I get that but
I bet you and Zack don't have
that problem!
I bet you're like, doing it upside
down and hanging from the ceiling,
what with the upper arm strength
he has, I mean, oh, my
Sorry, I probably shouldn't be
talking about
SHE EXHALES, SOBS
Oh, shit, sorry. No, I didn't mean
to upset you.
No, it's, erm
It's not you, you idiot.
It's, erm
Oh, God, I can't believe
that I'mcrying.
You're like the third person
I've ever cried in front of.
I cry all the time.
That Paddington film was on
TV the other day
and Esther thought
one of my family had died.
HE GIGGLES, SHE CHUCKLES
No, it's erm
Zack and I haven't had sex
..basically the whole time
we've been married.
That's quite, erm
I mean, that must be difficult.
It's lonely.
It's really fucking lonely.
That's what it is.
Er, sorry, what were you, erm
When you came in, you were going to
say something, before
Come with me.
Is Zack not? I mean, you know,
is this not going to be weird,
I mean, in your own bedroom?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Josh,
that's like if I murdered someone
and you had a problem with me
stealing their wallet.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, sorry!
LAUGHING: Shut up!
There's washing!
JOSH MOANS
FOLA MOANS
KEYS JINGLE
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Hi, my love.
Fola?
I thought we could get a takeaway
and
JOSH AND FOLA PANT AND MOAN
Oh Faster. Yeah?
THEY MOAN
Oh, God I'm close.
Oh, Josh.
HE PANTS FASTER, SHE MOANS
Don't stop
Oh! Cramp, cramp
Don't stop, don't stop,
don't stop
HE LOOSENS BEL
I'm close, I'm close
JOSH'S MOANING INTENSIFIES
I'm close, Josh. Don't stop
Don't stop. Don't stop.
THEIR MOANING INTENSIFIES
THEIR PANTING AND MOANING SLOWS
ZACK SIGHS
FOLA AND JOSH'S MUFFLED CHATTER
THEY KISS, MOAN SOFTLY
What the fuck?