Class of '07 (2023) s01e06 Episode Script
Utopia
Keep digging, girls.
Your time capsule will be there somewhere.
You know, if you'd hit her
just a little bit harder,
you could've finished off the job.
Oi, Sister, quick question.
Do Catholic ghosts respond
to Buddhist exorcisms?
Just for future reference.
How about, "Quick question,
how are you, Sister Barbica?"
You've been so caught up
with your petty dramas,
you didn't even notice that there was
a whole other human being
living here on the campus.
With all due respect, Sister B Barbica,
your quarters are out of bounds
and old habits die hard.
Yes, very convenient.
You see, this is why I've been
avoiding you for so long.
Do you know, when the waters rose,
I prayed?
"Dear God, anyone but this cohort."
I'd have taken 2012
and the butterfly hairclip uprising,
or 1996 and the nose piercing
hospitalizations.
Heck, I survived 2016,
the non-stop blasting
of that very sad Billie Eilish girl.
- But you
- We what?
You were the biggest bunch of bitches
I ever taught.
- Language.
- And the names you called me.
- Sister Bitchface?
- Mother Inferior?
The Immaculate Infection?
- Shit a Bricky.
- Bicky Likes to Lickie.
- Oh, oh, oh, Sister Bicky no Dicky.
- Fuck a Bicky, Suck a Tittie.
Nun Who Can't Get None.
Stop!
Just stop this, please.
That's quite enough.
Shit. We made the friggin' teacher cry.
What happened to this class?
You ten were always troublemakers,
but shaving people's heads,
cutting off toes,
withholding perfectly good toilets
from each other?
Yeah, Genevieve.
What? That's the least worst thing
on that list.
It's pretty fucking selfish, though.
Stop!
Another week
and I fear that someone might have
been killed if I hadn't stepped in.
Sorry to break it to you, Sister,
but it only took us one day.
Sandy's been dead for weeks.
What the
I know Sandy was
a first-class whinger, but
this is despicable, girls, even for you.
Now, come and get your letters
to your future selves.
And reflect on who you've become.
Who wants to read theirs out loud?
I'll do it.
Okay, um
"Dear future Phoebe, congrats.
"You're probably going
to top the state." Correct.
"You skipped the formal to study
"and you blew off school camp
to take extra tutoring.
"On the eve of graduating,
you have no friends.
"I hope it was worth it."
Um, yeah, so I know the last few months
have been, like, really fucked-up.
But I actually, weirdly
enjoyed getting to know you all, so
Yeah.
"Dear Amelia." Oop.
I was always a bit off-task,
wasn't I, Sister?
"I don't know what your fucking problem is
or why you won't answer my calls,
"but I want my Billabong skirt back."
And I'm still waiting, bitch.
"Dear Future Genevieve,
"or should I say,
third-ever female Prime Minister?"
What the hell?
I wasn't even backing myself for second.
"By this point, you'll have
a Cert III in beauty therapy
"and will be working
as a nail technician."
Life.
Who knew I'd be trading manicures
for medicine?
Not me.
Aw, this is a love letter to Mitch,
and a shit-ton of stussies.
And the balls are the legs and the shaft's
playing violin with its little arms.
I mean, obviously,
it's not anatomically correct,
but it's still an accurate depiction
of my future anyway, so
What you got?
Uh
Mine was just a vag making beer, so
- But the drawing's not as good.
- Yeah.
So, who do we have left?
- Oh, Amelia.
- Oh, uh, no, I don't have a letter.
I'd left school by then.
Of course.
I'd forgotten about your mother.
I'm very sorry, dear.
Well, girls,
a time of reflection
Amelia, what's she talking about?
Amelia?
Uh
My mum died.
That's why I had to leave school early.
What?
- Tuck shop, anyone?
- Mels, you want to come?
If you don't mind waiting
Zo-Zo. Come on, let's go.
Amelia, please come.
- I really need to
- Zo-Zo.
She, um She took her own life.
Jesus, Zoe. It's It's okay. It was
Come on, let's go.
Zo-Zo.
Amelia, please come.
We haven't hung out in ages.
Uh, no. Go without me.
I need to see Danny.
I'm sorry.
Way to make it about you, Zoe.
Typical.
I'm so sorry, dear. I thought they knew.
No, it's
It's okay.
I didn't know.
- If I'd have known
- It's okay. It was a long time ago.
Why do I always fuck
everything up so badly?
You know, like, if I hadn't
pussied out at the reunion,
then none of you would be stuck here
and Saskia wouldn't be dredging
up years of trauma.
And Genevieve wouldn't be constipated.
And you wouldn't have to tell us that
that your fucking mum died, and I'm
I mean, they're laughing about
fucking Billabong skirts, you know?
This whole time
This whole time I had convinced myself
it was you who'd fucked me over, you know?
What is it? Say it. I deserve it.
I just chased after you to console you
about something that happened to me,
and suddenly I can see you clearly,
the way I would
if I didn't know you, and
Zoe, we don't have to do this.
You know, we're not We're not friends.
Of course, we're friends.
- I mean, I know it's been a bumpy ride.
- Let's just say we did keep in touch.
Let's say we grab dinner every few months.
What do you and I talk about, Zoe?
Um, our lives.
But our lives are so different.
We are so different, Zoe.
It never would have held up after school.
- Regardless of whether I left or not.
- Amelia,
I know I fucked up, okay?
I should have kept calling you,
but I promise you if I'd have known,
it never would have gone this way.
Yeah, it would've.
Maybe not right away, but it would've.
I'm sorry I had a secret toilet.
No, I'm sorry that I extorted you all.
I'm sorry that I mixed chalk and water
and said it was miso soup.
But you all seemed to kind of like it
I'm sorry that I told you all
I was a doctor
when I'm actually really
a nail technician.
What?
You're not a doctor?
You really fooled me.
Right, guys?
- Uh
- Mmm
It's okay, Renee. We kind of knew.
What?
Yeah, like when you said
formaldehyde was pickle juice,
it was a dead giveaway.
And when you performed
"routine" Pap smears on us
and called the speculum a "spatula"?
And what lab were you
sending the swabs to?
'Cause all of us was just
in a whole bundle.
It didn't make sense.
I, uh, I reckon I cottoned on when you
chopped off my whole entire toe.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I lied.
And, Teresa, I can't apologize enough.
I'm sorry, too.
To all of you.
I'm sorry, are we just
Pep Genevieve.
skating over this now?
I know that I made your life hell,
and I enjoyed it.
There was just this desperation,
this naivety to you
that I really resented.
Okay, is this an apology, or
But really, I was just jealous.
Because you've got this
incredible strength of character.
You really know who you are.
And I'm sorry that I ever
tried to change that.
Oh.
Apology accepted.
There's too much estrogen in here.
I think we need to air this room out
and go and eat.
Come on.
Anything you'd like to
apologize for, Bicky?
Oh, please.
A few detentions and you millennials
are ready to file a class-action lawsuit.
You were disciplined, Saskia,
for uniform infractions
and smoking behind the assembly hall,
and late assignments, to say nothing
of that nasty bullying streak of yours.
What did you say?
You were a bully.
Quite the most prolific I ever saw.
No, no, you said smoking
behind the assembly hall.
Sometimes,
girls like you, Saskia,
detention is for your own good.
I always had my reasons.
Excuse me.
- Done with that?
- Um
What are you doing?
I am making a grand gesture.
Zo, I don't want to be rude, but
thought about just apologizing to Amelia?
Yeah, I'm really going to take friend
advice from the girl who had none.
Oh, hey, Zoe. That's not on.
We're being nice to each other now.
Sorry, mate.
Teresa, this fish is,
it's really delicious.
The dressing is, it's really tangy.
I didn't make a dressing today.
But thanks, Sas.
Sorry, I know we're being, um,
like, positive and stuff,
but I actually feel a bit funny.
Mmm, it's fine.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I've got the mouth sweats too.
I don't want to
Guys, don't look at each other.
Resist
Resist the vomiting.
Guys, I think it might be the fish.
Your sick fish.
Okay.
Let's try it.
Let's have dinner.
See if it holds up.
Zoe, please stop.
Well, you have to eat, don't you?
So you may as well do it with me.
Now, red or white?
Napkins, not wine. There's no wine.
The only reason that you are
gripping on to this
is because we're stuck here
and it feels bigger than it is.
Okay, then, um,
can you just tell me, if our friendship
was really that meaningless to you,
why did you come to the reunion?
For the hors d'oeuvres, mostly.
Look, Zoe, wouldn't you know best
that just because
two people shared something
doesn't mean it always lasts?
Wow!
All right, then, message fucking received.
Jesus Christ!
Fucked if I'm gonna stay down here
in the thunderdome.
No, Zoe
No, it's fine.
You don't want to be friends, whatever.
I just, I don't know why
you need to bring my parents into this.
Fine, I'll have dinner with you, fine.
Just don't touch any of the metal.
Whole place is live, you dickhead!
Okay.
Red or white?
Oh.
The sea is riddled with death and disease.
What kind of idiot eats the fish?
Is this the end of time, Sister?
Has the rapture finally come for us?
No, you silly girl, it's just
climate change and food poisoning.
Renee, dear.
Oh.
The girls are cracking temperatures of 39.
What should I do?
I'm not a doctor, Sister.
Oh, yes, pardon me. It's been a big day.
I've lost track of which girls
aren't doctors
and who's been murdered and whatnot.
Of course, no one believed
I was a doctor, Phoebe.
Like, no one ever
expects big things from me.
Good medicine is kindness.
Hmm?
Yeah, so you don't have
that little bit of paper,
but guess what?
What?
You make people feel better.
You're a good friend, Phoebs.
How is there more?
So, how confident are we
that the rubber tires of the ute
will protect us
from the electrical charge?
Well, it's been about 20 minutes, so
I think you can touch
all the metal you want now.
In fact, you can even go.
No, I think I better play it safe.
In fact, I would feel
a lot more comfortable
if you would at least
take a gumboot and a glove.
No?
All righty.
So
How's the farm?
Good harvest this year?
Who do you supply peanuts to?
Supermarkets or the little packets
on airplanes or what?
Peanut butter factories.
Peanut butter is made of peanuts.
Oh, my God. I swear to you, I've never
even thought about it like that before.
That's crazy.
See, if we'd have stayed in touch,
I would have known that.
Zoe, don't pretend this is interesting.
I can't imagine
what you went through. But
I don't really understand
why you didn't tell me, Amelia.
That peanut butter was
made out of peanuts?
That's my bad.
We didn't really tell anyone.
Danny still thinks
that she died of a heart attack.
Whoa.
So, do you know what was wrong? Like
Was she diagnosed?
Sorry.
I really want to know
the answer to that question. I just
- I think it might be the fish.
- Don't say "fish."
So, what was I? A BFF for now?
I just wanted more friends.
Do you guys have a spare bucket?
We can't even share this one,
let alone give it to you, F.L.
And some of us are just
one-bucket women, okay?
Do not start.
When you only have one bucket,
it means you truly appreciate it.
What is happening?
Maybe one bucket relies on the other
bucket to get her wasted all the time.
Okay, I've lost the thread
on the bucket metaphor.
Are we the bucket
or is our friendship the bucket?
Megan
You're an alcoholic.
Where the hell did that come from?
I saw you lick wine
off the chapel floor yesterday.
And all we've done for weeks
is try to get fucked up, and I
I don't want to do it anymore.
Forgettable Laura, looks like you
found yourself a new bucket buddy.
Careful. It leaks.
Zoe, you need to go.
I cannot do this while you are here.
What? You want me to go out there
into the third coming?
What?
The night the Poco came
was the second coming,
so this is the third coming.
- It's basic maths.
- Whatever. I'll go then.
What? Are you serious?
Yes, okay?
I'm like one of those animals
that goes out into the woods to die, okay?
So just let me go.
No, please. Please. It's dangerous.
You're gonna get electrocuted.
Oh, God, you're dramatic.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
You okay?
Is this a bad time to say,
"I told you so"?
You just shat yourself, didn't you?
Mate, I shat myself,
like, 20 seconds in.
Come on.
- It's not funny.
- It is funny.
Couldn't do this with a stranger,
could you?
Saskia, dear, come back to the dormitory.
- You knew.
- You're delirious.
Come back to the dormitory.
You'll get much better sleep.
You knew what he was doing.
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
Stop, please.
You knew what he was doing to me.
Did you know about the others?
The detentions were all I had
to keep him away from you.
I don't expect you to understand.
Well, fuck your fucking detentions
because they didn't do shit, and you
Saskia, Saskia.
Saskia.
Real friggin' subtle.
Saskia.
Oh.
Our recliner had this
permanent shadow of my mum.
Like, like an actual imprint
from her being in the couch
for months on end.
And that's how it'd be, you know.
She'd sit on that couch, day in, day out.
Till one morning, you just wake up
and she'd harvested half the peanuts
in the middle of the night
on a whim and
And when you grow up like that,
you just wait.
You just wait, and you think
it's inevitable, you know,
it's in me too, and
And then, when it finally did happen,
it was like
Oh!
It's not sadness.
It's just nothingness.
And now I have no idea who I am
without the antidepressants.
But the thought of
of stopping them with
what might be waiting to come untethered?
Hey, you're not your mum, Amelia.
No, I am like her.
I'm also not, right?
Because I'm here.
I'm so sorry that all of that
happened to you.
It's my biggest regret that you had
to go through all of that alone.
Thank you.
I feel better.
Yeah, me too.
Nausea's gone.
I mean about having it
all out in the open now, just
I feel so much better.
I'm done.
No more secrets.
No more secrets.
Oh, f
Please, let me explain.
I knew he was texting girls
and asking them to save him
under another name,
so I'd confiscate the phones.
I knew he was meeting girls
on the boundary of the campus,
which is outside
the school's jurisdiction,
so I'd intercept them and I'd punish them
for being out of bounds.
And I watched all his favorites
like a hawk.
And I found excuses
to put them into detention
to prevent them from meeting him.
To obstruct whatever bond he was building
in whatever way I could.
They were imperfect solutions, Saskia.
I don't expect to be forgiven.
I know that I could have done more.
Oh, you're all fucking cunts.
You included.
Amen.
Sick digs, Sister Barbica.
We could've been having scramby eggs
and parsley this entire time.
Yeah, not to mention communion wafers.
I was going to tell you about all this,
but, to be fair,
you got custody of the tuck shop.
Well, that was one way of getting over
my fear of shitting at school.
Hey, guys, if you were to write a letter
to your younger selves now,
what would it say?
Don't eat the fish.
No, but, seriously,
like, what do you regret never doing?
I regret that I was such a narc in school.
I never even smoked a cigarette.
I think we can probably remedy that.
Who else?
I know that it's superficial,
but I regret not having a baby shower.
I was really looking forward
to all that free shit.
Okay, Teacup is getting a baby shower.
Who's next?
Uh, I regret not getting rid of Garrity
from the school when I had a chance.
Fuck, yes, let's deep clean this entire
place of that motherfucker, okay?
Who else?
I regret that I took
my bucket for granted.
I'm not going to fill my bucket
with anything but water from now on.
I don't really understand
what that one means,
but it sounds doable.
- Renee?
- I don't think, I
I don't think I have any regrets.
After reading my letter,
all I ever wanted to be was
a nail technician, and I did it.
Amelia?
I regret that
I never learned all the words
to "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies.
Wait, what?
Wait, you mean the "Chickity China,
the Chinese chicken" song?
Yes. Yes.
What the hell are all those words?
It's been
One week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me
Saying, "Get that together,
come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault
but couldn't tell you
Yesterday, you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days
'til I say I'm sorry
Hold me now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish
although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'Cause it's never touched
a frying pan
Do we know any other bits?
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick
and your brain stops tickin'
Watching X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Gonna get a set of better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always
flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause that cartoon
has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny
when you're mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy
who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
You soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind
on my sleeve
- I have a history of losing my shirt
- I have a history of taking my shirt
Taking "off" my shirt.
- Losing my shirt.
- No, no.
Losing my shirt is right.
Oh, fuck this song!
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to the sides
and said, "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought
you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame
but what could we do?
Yesterday, you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days
'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days
'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days
'til we say, we're sorry
Yow!
Thank fuck that's over.
Well done, buddy.
Today
we bid farewell
to the men who thrived in the gray area,
who exploited the benefit of the doubt
and depended on the silence of others.
Today, we say to those men
Get fucked.
Get fucked.
- Zoe.
- Hmm?
I've run out of antidepressants.
You'll be okay, mate.
I'll make sure of it.
Yeah, feels good to have
everyone's regret sorted, huh?
- Yeah.
- It does.
Yeah, yeah, no,
it feels great, doesn't it?
Feels so good, feels really good
to have it all sorted.
Are you fucking serious?
- Huh?
- Uh
You've forgotten me.
Again.
- Oh, yes.
- Oh.
Since none of you came to my non-funeral,
I want a real one.
I want to be eulogized
and spoken fondly of
and commemorated
and not fucking forgotten.
Jesus Christ, you women
All right, girls. What do you say
we have a funeral tomorrow?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Great.
Sorted.
Greyish beige.
Your time capsule will be there somewhere.
You know, if you'd hit her
just a little bit harder,
you could've finished off the job.
Oi, Sister, quick question.
Do Catholic ghosts respond
to Buddhist exorcisms?
Just for future reference.
How about, "Quick question,
how are you, Sister Barbica?"
You've been so caught up
with your petty dramas,
you didn't even notice that there was
a whole other human being
living here on the campus.
With all due respect, Sister B Barbica,
your quarters are out of bounds
and old habits die hard.
Yes, very convenient.
You see, this is why I've been
avoiding you for so long.
Do you know, when the waters rose,
I prayed?
"Dear God, anyone but this cohort."
I'd have taken 2012
and the butterfly hairclip uprising,
or 1996 and the nose piercing
hospitalizations.
Heck, I survived 2016,
the non-stop blasting
of that very sad Billie Eilish girl.
- But you
- We what?
You were the biggest bunch of bitches
I ever taught.
- Language.
- And the names you called me.
- Sister Bitchface?
- Mother Inferior?
The Immaculate Infection?
- Shit a Bricky.
- Bicky Likes to Lickie.
- Oh, oh, oh, Sister Bicky no Dicky.
- Fuck a Bicky, Suck a Tittie.
Nun Who Can't Get None.
Stop!
Just stop this, please.
That's quite enough.
Shit. We made the friggin' teacher cry.
What happened to this class?
You ten were always troublemakers,
but shaving people's heads,
cutting off toes,
withholding perfectly good toilets
from each other?
Yeah, Genevieve.
What? That's the least worst thing
on that list.
It's pretty fucking selfish, though.
Stop!
Another week
and I fear that someone might have
been killed if I hadn't stepped in.
Sorry to break it to you, Sister,
but it only took us one day.
Sandy's been dead for weeks.
What the
I know Sandy was
a first-class whinger, but
this is despicable, girls, even for you.
Now, come and get your letters
to your future selves.
And reflect on who you've become.
Who wants to read theirs out loud?
I'll do it.
Okay, um
"Dear future Phoebe, congrats.
"You're probably going
to top the state." Correct.
"You skipped the formal to study
"and you blew off school camp
to take extra tutoring.
"On the eve of graduating,
you have no friends.
"I hope it was worth it."
Um, yeah, so I know the last few months
have been, like, really fucked-up.
But I actually, weirdly
enjoyed getting to know you all, so
Yeah.
"Dear Amelia." Oop.
I was always a bit off-task,
wasn't I, Sister?
"I don't know what your fucking problem is
or why you won't answer my calls,
"but I want my Billabong skirt back."
And I'm still waiting, bitch.
"Dear Future Genevieve,
"or should I say,
third-ever female Prime Minister?"
What the hell?
I wasn't even backing myself for second.
"By this point, you'll have
a Cert III in beauty therapy
"and will be working
as a nail technician."
Life.
Who knew I'd be trading manicures
for medicine?
Not me.
Aw, this is a love letter to Mitch,
and a shit-ton of stussies.
And the balls are the legs and the shaft's
playing violin with its little arms.
I mean, obviously,
it's not anatomically correct,
but it's still an accurate depiction
of my future anyway, so
What you got?
Uh
Mine was just a vag making beer, so
- But the drawing's not as good.
- Yeah.
So, who do we have left?
- Oh, Amelia.
- Oh, uh, no, I don't have a letter.
I'd left school by then.
Of course.
I'd forgotten about your mother.
I'm very sorry, dear.
Well, girls,
a time of reflection
Amelia, what's she talking about?
Amelia?
Uh
My mum died.
That's why I had to leave school early.
What?
- Tuck shop, anyone?
- Mels, you want to come?
If you don't mind waiting
Zo-Zo. Come on, let's go.
Amelia, please come.
- I really need to
- Zo-Zo.
She, um She took her own life.
Jesus, Zoe. It's It's okay. It was
Come on, let's go.
Zo-Zo.
Amelia, please come.
We haven't hung out in ages.
Uh, no. Go without me.
I need to see Danny.
I'm sorry.
Way to make it about you, Zoe.
Typical.
I'm so sorry, dear. I thought they knew.
No, it's
It's okay.
I didn't know.
- If I'd have known
- It's okay. It was a long time ago.
Why do I always fuck
everything up so badly?
You know, like, if I hadn't
pussied out at the reunion,
then none of you would be stuck here
and Saskia wouldn't be dredging
up years of trauma.
And Genevieve wouldn't be constipated.
And you wouldn't have to tell us that
that your fucking mum died, and I'm
I mean, they're laughing about
fucking Billabong skirts, you know?
This whole time
This whole time I had convinced myself
it was you who'd fucked me over, you know?
What is it? Say it. I deserve it.
I just chased after you to console you
about something that happened to me,
and suddenly I can see you clearly,
the way I would
if I didn't know you, and
Zoe, we don't have to do this.
You know, we're not We're not friends.
Of course, we're friends.
- I mean, I know it's been a bumpy ride.
- Let's just say we did keep in touch.
Let's say we grab dinner every few months.
What do you and I talk about, Zoe?
Um, our lives.
But our lives are so different.
We are so different, Zoe.
It never would have held up after school.
- Regardless of whether I left or not.
- Amelia,
I know I fucked up, okay?
I should have kept calling you,
but I promise you if I'd have known,
it never would have gone this way.
Yeah, it would've.
Maybe not right away, but it would've.
I'm sorry I had a secret toilet.
No, I'm sorry that I extorted you all.
I'm sorry that I mixed chalk and water
and said it was miso soup.
But you all seemed to kind of like it
I'm sorry that I told you all
I was a doctor
when I'm actually really
a nail technician.
What?
You're not a doctor?
You really fooled me.
Right, guys?
- Uh
- Mmm
It's okay, Renee. We kind of knew.
What?
Yeah, like when you said
formaldehyde was pickle juice,
it was a dead giveaway.
And when you performed
"routine" Pap smears on us
and called the speculum a "spatula"?
And what lab were you
sending the swabs to?
'Cause all of us was just
in a whole bundle.
It didn't make sense.
I, uh, I reckon I cottoned on when you
chopped off my whole entire toe.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I lied.
And, Teresa, I can't apologize enough.
I'm sorry, too.
To all of you.
I'm sorry, are we just
Pep Genevieve.
skating over this now?
I know that I made your life hell,
and I enjoyed it.
There was just this desperation,
this naivety to you
that I really resented.
Okay, is this an apology, or
But really, I was just jealous.
Because you've got this
incredible strength of character.
You really know who you are.
And I'm sorry that I ever
tried to change that.
Oh.
Apology accepted.
There's too much estrogen in here.
I think we need to air this room out
and go and eat.
Come on.
Anything you'd like to
apologize for, Bicky?
Oh, please.
A few detentions and you millennials
are ready to file a class-action lawsuit.
You were disciplined, Saskia,
for uniform infractions
and smoking behind the assembly hall,
and late assignments, to say nothing
of that nasty bullying streak of yours.
What did you say?
You were a bully.
Quite the most prolific I ever saw.
No, no, you said smoking
behind the assembly hall.
Sometimes,
girls like you, Saskia,
detention is for your own good.
I always had my reasons.
Excuse me.
- Done with that?
- Um
What are you doing?
I am making a grand gesture.
Zo, I don't want to be rude, but
thought about just apologizing to Amelia?
Yeah, I'm really going to take friend
advice from the girl who had none.
Oh, hey, Zoe. That's not on.
We're being nice to each other now.
Sorry, mate.
Teresa, this fish is,
it's really delicious.
The dressing is, it's really tangy.
I didn't make a dressing today.
But thanks, Sas.
Sorry, I know we're being, um,
like, positive and stuff,
but I actually feel a bit funny.
Mmm, it's fine.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I've got the mouth sweats too.
I don't want to
Guys, don't look at each other.
Resist
Resist the vomiting.
Guys, I think it might be the fish.
Your sick fish.
Okay.
Let's try it.
Let's have dinner.
See if it holds up.
Zoe, please stop.
Well, you have to eat, don't you?
So you may as well do it with me.
Now, red or white?
Napkins, not wine. There's no wine.
The only reason that you are
gripping on to this
is because we're stuck here
and it feels bigger than it is.
Okay, then, um,
can you just tell me, if our friendship
was really that meaningless to you,
why did you come to the reunion?
For the hors d'oeuvres, mostly.
Look, Zoe, wouldn't you know best
that just because
two people shared something
doesn't mean it always lasts?
Wow!
All right, then, message fucking received.
Jesus Christ!
Fucked if I'm gonna stay down here
in the thunderdome.
No, Zoe
No, it's fine.
You don't want to be friends, whatever.
I just, I don't know why
you need to bring my parents into this.
Fine, I'll have dinner with you, fine.
Just don't touch any of the metal.
Whole place is live, you dickhead!
Okay.
Red or white?
Oh.
The sea is riddled with death and disease.
What kind of idiot eats the fish?
Is this the end of time, Sister?
Has the rapture finally come for us?
No, you silly girl, it's just
climate change and food poisoning.
Renee, dear.
Oh.
The girls are cracking temperatures of 39.
What should I do?
I'm not a doctor, Sister.
Oh, yes, pardon me. It's been a big day.
I've lost track of which girls
aren't doctors
and who's been murdered and whatnot.
Of course, no one believed
I was a doctor, Phoebe.
Like, no one ever
expects big things from me.
Good medicine is kindness.
Hmm?
Yeah, so you don't have
that little bit of paper,
but guess what?
What?
You make people feel better.
You're a good friend, Phoebs.
How is there more?
So, how confident are we
that the rubber tires of the ute
will protect us
from the electrical charge?
Well, it's been about 20 minutes, so
I think you can touch
all the metal you want now.
In fact, you can even go.
No, I think I better play it safe.
In fact, I would feel
a lot more comfortable
if you would at least
take a gumboot and a glove.
No?
All righty.
So
How's the farm?
Good harvest this year?
Who do you supply peanuts to?
Supermarkets or the little packets
on airplanes or what?
Peanut butter factories.
Peanut butter is made of peanuts.
Oh, my God. I swear to you, I've never
even thought about it like that before.
That's crazy.
See, if we'd have stayed in touch,
I would have known that.
Zoe, don't pretend this is interesting.
I can't imagine
what you went through. But
I don't really understand
why you didn't tell me, Amelia.
That peanut butter was
made out of peanuts?
That's my bad.
We didn't really tell anyone.
Danny still thinks
that she died of a heart attack.
Whoa.
So, do you know what was wrong? Like
Was she diagnosed?
Sorry.
I really want to know
the answer to that question. I just
- I think it might be the fish.
- Don't say "fish."
So, what was I? A BFF for now?
I just wanted more friends.
Do you guys have a spare bucket?
We can't even share this one,
let alone give it to you, F.L.
And some of us are just
one-bucket women, okay?
Do not start.
When you only have one bucket,
it means you truly appreciate it.
What is happening?
Maybe one bucket relies on the other
bucket to get her wasted all the time.
Okay, I've lost the thread
on the bucket metaphor.
Are we the bucket
or is our friendship the bucket?
Megan
You're an alcoholic.
Where the hell did that come from?
I saw you lick wine
off the chapel floor yesterday.
And all we've done for weeks
is try to get fucked up, and I
I don't want to do it anymore.
Forgettable Laura, looks like you
found yourself a new bucket buddy.
Careful. It leaks.
Zoe, you need to go.
I cannot do this while you are here.
What? You want me to go out there
into the third coming?
What?
The night the Poco came
was the second coming,
so this is the third coming.
- It's basic maths.
- Whatever. I'll go then.
What? Are you serious?
Yes, okay?
I'm like one of those animals
that goes out into the woods to die, okay?
So just let me go.
No, please. Please. It's dangerous.
You're gonna get electrocuted.
Oh, God, you're dramatic.
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
You okay?
Is this a bad time to say,
"I told you so"?
You just shat yourself, didn't you?
Mate, I shat myself,
like, 20 seconds in.
Come on.
- It's not funny.
- It is funny.
Couldn't do this with a stranger,
could you?
Saskia, dear, come back to the dormitory.
- You knew.
- You're delirious.
Come back to the dormitory.
You'll get much better sleep.
You knew what he was doing.
I have absolutely no idea
what you're talking about.
Stop, please.
You knew what he was doing to me.
Did you know about the others?
The detentions were all I had
to keep him away from you.
I don't expect you to understand.
Well, fuck your fucking detentions
because they didn't do shit, and you
Saskia, Saskia.
Saskia.
Real friggin' subtle.
Saskia.
Oh.
Our recliner had this
permanent shadow of my mum.
Like, like an actual imprint
from her being in the couch
for months on end.
And that's how it'd be, you know.
She'd sit on that couch, day in, day out.
Till one morning, you just wake up
and she'd harvested half the peanuts
in the middle of the night
on a whim and
And when you grow up like that,
you just wait.
You just wait, and you think
it's inevitable, you know,
it's in me too, and
And then, when it finally did happen,
it was like
Oh!
It's not sadness.
It's just nothingness.
And now I have no idea who I am
without the antidepressants.
But the thought of
of stopping them with
what might be waiting to come untethered?
Hey, you're not your mum, Amelia.
No, I am like her.
I'm also not, right?
Because I'm here.
I'm so sorry that all of that
happened to you.
It's my biggest regret that you had
to go through all of that alone.
Thank you.
I feel better.
Yeah, me too.
Nausea's gone.
I mean about having it
all out in the open now, just
I feel so much better.
I'm done.
No more secrets.
No more secrets.
Oh, f
Please, let me explain.
I knew he was texting girls
and asking them to save him
under another name,
so I'd confiscate the phones.
I knew he was meeting girls
on the boundary of the campus,
which is outside
the school's jurisdiction,
so I'd intercept them and I'd punish them
for being out of bounds.
And I watched all his favorites
like a hawk.
And I found excuses
to put them into detention
to prevent them from meeting him.
To obstruct whatever bond he was building
in whatever way I could.
They were imperfect solutions, Saskia.
I don't expect to be forgiven.
I know that I could have done more.
Oh, you're all fucking cunts.
You included.
Amen.
Sick digs, Sister Barbica.
We could've been having scramby eggs
and parsley this entire time.
Yeah, not to mention communion wafers.
I was going to tell you about all this,
but, to be fair,
you got custody of the tuck shop.
Well, that was one way of getting over
my fear of shitting at school.
Hey, guys, if you were to write a letter
to your younger selves now,
what would it say?
Don't eat the fish.
No, but, seriously,
like, what do you regret never doing?
I regret that I was such a narc in school.
I never even smoked a cigarette.
I think we can probably remedy that.
Who else?
I know that it's superficial,
but I regret not having a baby shower.
I was really looking forward
to all that free shit.
Okay, Teacup is getting a baby shower.
Who's next?
Uh, I regret not getting rid of Garrity
from the school when I had a chance.
Fuck, yes, let's deep clean this entire
place of that motherfucker, okay?
Who else?
I regret that I took
my bucket for granted.
I'm not going to fill my bucket
with anything but water from now on.
I don't really understand
what that one means,
but it sounds doable.
- Renee?
- I don't think, I
I don't think I have any regrets.
After reading my letter,
all I ever wanted to be was
a nail technician, and I did it.
Amelia?
I regret that
I never learned all the words
to "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies.
Wait, what?
Wait, you mean the "Chickity China,
the Chinese chicken" song?
Yes. Yes.
What the hell are all those words?
It's been
One week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me
Saying, "Get that together,
come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault
but couldn't tell you
Yesterday, you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days
'til I say I'm sorry
Hold me now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish
although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
'Cause it's never touched
a frying pan
Do we know any other bits?
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick
and your brain stops tickin'
Watching X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Gonna get a set of better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always
flying off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'Cause that cartoon
has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing
How can I help it if I think you're funny
when you're mad?
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy
who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
You soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind
on my sleeve
- I have a history of losing my shirt
- I have a history of taking my shirt
Taking "off" my shirt.
- Losing my shirt.
- No, no.
Losing my shirt is right.
Oh, fuck this song!
It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to the sides
and said, "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought
you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame
but what could we do?
Yesterday, you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days
'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days
'til we say we're sorry
It'll still be two days
'til we say, we're sorry
Yow!
Thank fuck that's over.
Well done, buddy.
Today
we bid farewell
to the men who thrived in the gray area,
who exploited the benefit of the doubt
and depended on the silence of others.
Today, we say to those men
Get fucked.
Get fucked.
- Zoe.
- Hmm?
I've run out of antidepressants.
You'll be okay, mate.
I'll make sure of it.
Yeah, feels good to have
everyone's regret sorted, huh?
- Yeah.
- It does.
Yeah, yeah, no,
it feels great, doesn't it?
Feels so good, feels really good
to have it all sorted.
Are you fucking serious?
- Huh?
- Uh
You've forgotten me.
Again.
- Oh, yes.
- Oh.
Since none of you came to my non-funeral,
I want a real one.
I want to be eulogized
and spoken fondly of
and commemorated
and not fucking forgotten.
Jesus Christ, you women
All right, girls. What do you say
we have a funeral tomorrow?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Great.
Sorted.
Greyish beige.