Claws (2017) s01e06 Episode Script
Self-Portrait
1 Previously on "Claws" How is your boyfriend, Desna? Unfortunately, he was murdered.
Back where I come from, when someone kills your family, you hunt them down.
The owner of your dream salon, Glint Nails, has put it back on the market, and she's willing to play ball with you.
Shut up.
The racist who didn't want to deal with my kind has now changed her tune? How's it going? Detective Arlene Branch.
[Chuckles.]
The Coombses They They had sex with me.
We're pinning Roller's murder on my foster parents.
- [Car door closes.]
- We did it.
We just got a call.
Clay: Take care of it.
- Aah! - [Grunts.]
[Gun cocks.]
[Gunshots.]
Mr.
Emerson.
You're alive.
[Lock clicks.]
We did this.
We did not do this.
We set the Coombses up to be killed.
No, we set them up to go to jail.
This was done by Uncle Daddy's corrupt po-po.
Pol, this was done by Bryce.
Because Uncle Daddy forced him to do it.
Listen, you guys, we didn't know any of this was gonna happen, okay? But it did.
Okay, and now Jenn has to live with the fact that her husband is a [whispers.]
murderer for the rest of their lives.
She thinks that he avenged his brother's death.
But he wasn't, Pol.
He killed my foster parents.
Okay, but Jenn doesn't know that.
- Right.
- And she better never find out, otherwise, I'll beat your little ass.
Hey, listen, Desna, those Coombses were terrible people.
I know.
Well, now Dean never has to worry about those malevolent shitwipes again.
- Dean: Des? - Hey, Deany.
Hey, Des.
I Hi, Virginia.
Hey, Dean.
You look pretty.
Thank you.
I-I'm hungry.
I'm right behind you, baby.
I gotta go.
It's a new day, Desna.
New day for us, too.
Tits up.
Dean: You didn't have bad dreams last night.
Usually, I hear screaming.
For the first time since Roller died, I actually slept.
Yeah.
- [Clacking spoons rhythmically.]
- Hey! [Chuckles.]
Huh, go, Dean.
Go, Dean.
Don't get bashful now.
The Coombses are dead.
[Gags, chokes.]
What? It was on the news this morning.
They were part of a drug ring, yeah.
They got what they deserved.
Yeah, they did.
Are you okay? Mm-hmm, I'm glad those assholes are dead.
- Baby? - Mm-hmm? What went down last night? I want to talk about it.
You want to talk about it? [Sighs.]
You know, two years ago, that shit might have put me on a on a bender.
Like the time I woke up in Weeki Wachee with no pants and a pack of feral cats eating my hair.
Yeah.
But I've been workin' the program and doing the steps.
Truth be told, I'm proud of myself.
I did what needed doing.
And you've done all you promised Uncle Daddy.
And we can get our life back, right? Yes, ma'am.
[Sighs.]
In light of this news, I feel that you deserve a morning BJ.
Hmm.
Race you to the car.
You know I got on heels! [Classical music playing.]
When I saw you in that swamp, Mr.
Emerson, I knew you were special.
It's like the fates intervened and manifest my dreams.
My very own English suitor dropped from the sky.
Look at you now.
Lady, my chest hurts.
You're like a gift from heaven, Mr.
Emerson, and I'm your guardian angel.
We're going to be like those couples in Italian movies.
[Groaning.]
Let me go, please.
We're going to have little porcelain plates with tiny ham and cheese sandwiches that don't fill you up, but make you feel rich.
Let me use your phone, please.
Oh, no, no, Mr.
Emerson, you don't need the phone.
We're going to make you strong again so we can walk the hillsides together.
[Groans.]
No.
[Panting.]
[Howling.]
["Turning Heads" by The Streak playing.]
Who's that girl? She got me goin' Yeah, who's that girl? She got me goin', hey All the heads are turning This real estate is prime.
You know every single one of these tight little housewives gets her poo-hole waxed.
- [Laughter.]
- Ooh! It even smells expensive, like a mix of French perfume, new cars, and health care.
[Laughter.]
This is it.
Our dreams are becoming a reality, ladies.
Who been texting all day, Quiet Ann? [Gasps.]
Oh, I see that little girly blush on your cheeks.
[Laughs.]
You got a little special someone, don't you? Ooh, well, right here, we can come every morning - and have a little macchiato.
- Ooh.
Bitch, you can't even spell macchiato.
[Laughter.]
You got the sexy groove on You got me now that I've got the je ne sais pas Na, na, na-na-na Yeah, I'm that girl that got goin' No, I think I like it right here.
Oh, Ann found the bar.
At the bar! Excuse me, do you mind just stepping aside? I'm just trying to get a feel for the feng shui.
Thank y'all.
- [Laughs.]
- [Fake laugh.]
It's amazing how clear racism is, even if it's spoken in another language.
Ms.
Simms, you're here.
Despite your many efforts to block me and my kind, I am.
Oh, I was just trying to be cautious.
I hope you met my girls.
Sadly, I can't take them to Tampa with me.
I did, and I was thinking about keeping some of them on, but after that warm welcome I received, I've decided to hire new techs to supplement my crew.
- Glint has five stars on Yelp.
- Whoa.
My girls have won NailPalm twice.
I knew you were all common.
I didn't think you were dim-witted, as well.
[Laughs.]
You underestimate me.
These are the baddest bitches in Palmetto, and the last thing we need is some Korean Barbies dragging us down, so why don't all y'all be out by 6:00, and take these tacky fruit bowls with you.
[All laughing.]
[Toilet flushes.]
The old tampon in the toilet trick.
Mm-hmm.
That's harsh.
And we planned on opening up this week, too.
I just I feel so bad.
I wish I could help fix it, but I'm broke.
- Yes, you is.
- Unlike you, Miss Relevance.
That's your third new bag this month.
Don't tell me you trappin' again.
I hit the lotto, girl.
- Oh, girl, here we go.
- Unh-unh.
I met a dude at the Winn-Dixie, pays me $400 an hour just to dance around in a Tweety Bird costume while he live streams it.
What?! You lyin'.
Girl, I'm not hookin'.
I'm not stealing.
I am using my God-given talents to do honest work for perverts.
Good for you, because that bag is cute.
You want in? 'Cause he's got friends with some similar proclivities.
And the house they shoot at, girl, super nice.
Silk sheets, a bougie fridge full of all kind of food.
Little chocolates and shit, girl.
I'm not into that stuff anymore.
I got a job now.
I got a crew.
Those old bitches that whupped your ass? [Scoffs.]
Call me when that shit blows up in your face.
Ooh, excuse me? But how your nails looking, though? Bitch! They look good.
Poppin', right? - Okay.
- You did that.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
[Door bell dings.]
[Shoes squeaking.]
How bad is it? Well, your pipes burst.
Water penetrated in the structural cavities.
You're gonna need epoxy.
We know, baby, that you used to be a contractor.
Can you give it to us in English? Your floors are shot to shit.
Rugs all need to be replaced.
You got damage to the bathroom wall.
How much we talking, Bryce? 11, 12K.
Damn! Where am I supposed to get that kind of money? Well, go to the bank, get a loan.
Oh, Polly-Pol, you see life through Caucasian-colored glasses.
Maybe you could borrow the money from Uncle Daddy.
Uh Hell to the no, are you crazy? - After all we just did to pay him back.
- [Phone dings.]
And we are done with Uncle Daddy.
Well, actually, he wants to see us right now.
Good.
This'll give you a chance to tell him you're done in person.
Yeah.
Right.
[Bell dings.]
Pol, that money we planted on the Coombses was all the money I had.
Am I ever gonna catch a break? Things are gonna turn around.
They have to.
[Sighs.]
Damn.
I don't get it.
Whose house is this? Bryce, let me tell you something.
Knowing those Coombses are playing bingo in hell with Hitler, Idi Amin, and my first-grade teacher, Sister Grace Margaret, truly appeases my soul.
Tell him you're done.
Tell him.
Bryce, you have proven yourself.
Not only as a Husser, but as a businessman.
Last week was the best the clinic's ever had.
- [Laughs.]
- Wait, really? That's why I got you this house.
What? Local schools, they got smaller classes, and they got they got a music program.
They got a they got an edible garden which is like a like a farm-to-table shit.
This, Bryce This is a thank you and perhaps in a an in incen God damn, that T-shirt's distracting me.
Perhaps an incentive to keep on at the clinic.
No strings attached.
You know, Uncle Daddy, this this is generous.
It's beyond generous, but I don't - I don't think we can - Wait.
It's got a music program? Yes, there is.
Baylor has been wanting to learn the clarinet.
Son? You done good.
You stepped up and made things right for Roller.
Lord rest his soul.
- [Insects chirping.]
- [Italian opera music plays.]
Man: I love you.
I love you.
This is what we're like.
Mr.
Emerson, remember? When you you you swooped me up in your arms, and you carried me to safety.
I still remember that little café.
[Sighs.]
In the rain, darling, on the viala.
[Speaks French.]
[Music continues.]
Will you stop playing around and help? All right, Miss Attitude.
Geez.
I have an attitude because you not helping.
But now I am.
Ooh, girl, look, there go those heifers from Glint.
[Speaking Korean.]
Go over there and tell me what they saying.
For the last time, they're Korean, I'm Vietnamese.
We are not the same, okay? Desna.
Desna's stripper sidekick.
Careful.
What a coincidence.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about that unfortunate plumbing incident at Glint.
We know you were behind it.
Paranoia is not a flattering shade on you.
Look, we're just here to pick up our supplies for NailPalm.
Okay, well, maybe we'll join, too, show all you hoes how it's really done.
Whatever.
That prize money is still ours.
NailPalm? Oh, hell, no.
The Koreans always win that.
Well, they won't this time.
We gonna show those racist bitches that black people, brown people, white people, whatever the hell Virginia is can kill it in the nail game.
We are gonna show our talent and win that prize money.
And it's not right how their kind run the entire beauty industry.
[Laughs.]
You know, y'all are pretty prejudiced.
Stereotyping is human nature.
It's how we understand to speak in high tones to a baby and loudly to a senior.
I heard that on NPR.
[Speaks Korean.]
What she say? - [Laughs.]
- I don't know.
But I got respect for the Koreans, right? My mentor was one.
But that Glint bitch? Mnh-mnh.
She tried to redline me from getting my salon.
That right there deserves a little side eye.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, girl.
Hey, girl.
- Polly.
- Yeah.
I got an ingrown on my bikini line needs tending, and I can't get at it.
Ouchie! Okay, well, come on back, Scarlet, I got you.
So, I got some news.
Uncle Daddy got me and Bryce a new house.
A big new house.
But it's in a better school district.
It's, like, near a playground.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
How big? Are you kidding me? You know I been promising Dean a house.
- I know.
- And And your husband, what, worked at that clinic for all of what, a week? Bryce earned that house.
You know what he had to do to get it, so But he's not gonna do stuff like that ever again.
He's just gonna work at the clinic.
Is this a joke? Look, I want you to let me pay for the repairs at Glint.
You know, you could "F" this NailPalm shit.
Des, just take the money.
I want the money, Jenn.
I need the money.
I deserve the money, hmm? But I don't want shit from the Dixie Mafia.
And if you had any sense, you wouldn't, either.
Uh-uh, I need some air.
Can I get a six-piece shrimp with, um, extra sauce? Gotcha.
Shit, Chaz, I don't have my purse.
Can I pay you in a few? - No way, Desna, I can't do it.
- Are you serious? I eat here every day and I work across the parking lot.
I just need one freakin' thing to go right today.
[Haitian accent.]
Chaz, it's on me.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm Gregory Ruval.
Yes, you are.
[Chuckles.]
I'm Desna.
- Desna Simms.
- Desna.
Never, never gonna give you up Would you like to join me for lunch, maybe? I'm never, ever gonna stop I would, thank you.
Girl, I just can't live with you Girl, you got it And he's a doctor? Not just a doctor.
- He's a gynecologist.
- Ooh! What?! - Yes! - [Laughs.]
Yes.
Oh, my arm hairs all just stood on end.
It is finally a reason to get a pap smear.
Hold on, y'all.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
He even drives a Mercedes E Class.
Ladies, you know what that means.
Big car, big dick.
- [Laughing.]
- She's in front of the customers.
Y'all are so nasty.
Ann, stop it.
The man said he wants to take me on a real date.
Polly, give her a full Brazilian.
What?! All of it, off! Listen, there's gonna be a lot of romance tonight, but a classy guy like that? No nookie till the second date.
A full bush will protect you from succumbing, like that thorn bush outside of Sleeping Beauty's castle.
[Laughing.]
Okay, all of y'all are up in my personal business, okay? What we need to be figuring out what we gonna do at NailPalm.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to tell you.
I looked it up.
It turns out, only four people per team can be on the roster.
One of us has to be an alternate which means Quiet Ann, sorry, girl.
[Scoffs.]
China Doll, you're the alternate.
Wait, wait, wait, what? You said I'm getting better.
- You are, but - But what? Quiet Ann doesn't even do manicures.
She doesn't even have a station.
Her holo chromes and her miniatures are on point.
It's not that she don't know how to do nails, it's just that Sadly, I'm a leg man.
- That part.
- That's bullshit.
Screw y'all.
- I'm out.
- [Door slams.]
Did she just roll outta here like that? Real slow, just like Go on.
Gladys: [Groaning.]
Oh.
[Laughing.]
Oh.
Mr.
Emerson, you were right.
Taking you off the morphine has made you a much more focused lover.
Are you ready for another go? I need a minute.
But baby girl, I [Electricity crackles.]
[Screams.]
Miss Honeychild, I [Giggling.]
I have other ways to make you smile.
Lovely.
[Moaning.]
[Phone ringing.]
Don't stop.
It's just my gallerist.
[Phone rings.]
[Moaning.]
- [Beeps.]
- Larry? Yes, it's very sweet of you to think of me for Art South Beach God.
[Gasping.]
No, I know you're only asking me because that pussy Jeff Koons is probably at a DAPL protest.
Kisses to Alice! - [Beeps.]
- An art show? I never knew you were an artist baby Miss Honeychurch.
We'll discuss this later.
Mr.
Beebe and the others will be here any moment.
Quick.
Quick.
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Relevance.
Hey.
What's up, girl? I changed my mind.
Call that webcam guy, because I'm in.
[Chuckles.]
For real? Yeah, let's do this.
Let's make this money, girl.
So, did you always know you wanted to be a doctor? No, actually, I wanted to be a professional break dancer.
- [Chuckles.]
Shut up.
- Yeah.
[Laughs.]
Oh! Get it, get it.
- [Laughs.]
- That's cute.
Yep.
But no.
The truth is, I watched a lot of my people die in Haiti, preventable deaths.
So I guess I just wanted to right the wrongs.
How about you? Owning a nail salon, was it always your dream? I never thought I'd own anything.
A Korean girl in the foster home I was living in taught me how to do nails, and I perfected my skill at a strip club in my neighborhood.
Do not judge me.
Not as a dancer.
I did nails for the strippers.
- Got it? - Okay.
[Laughs.]
Yeah.
And then a nail place opened up in my neighborhood, and me and my best friend, Jenn, would go there every single day until we convinced the owner to hire both of us.
Wow, that's a great story.
I respect a lady who goes after what she really wants.
Oh, I go after what I want.
[Both laugh.]
Never, ever gonna give you up You know, I never met anyone quite like you before.
Girl, I just can't live without you I'm never [Cellphone rings.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
This could be my brother, and he has special needs.
Can you give me one second? Of course.
Hello? There's been an unmarked police car outside the clinic for well over an hour.
Kenneth, you gettin' on my nerves.
Call Bryce.
I did.
He didn't answer.
Look, if you don't come down soon, I'm gonna start flushing pills.
And I know that's self-defeating and it's not necessary, but you know I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it because I have no other ideas.
[Phone beeps.]
Umm, a fire alarm is going off at my salon.
It's probably just a short circuit, but So you need to go? Yeah.
I'll drive you.
No, no, no.
It's out of the way, and I could just catch a cab.
But thank you.
I had a wonderful time.
Maybe we could do it again.
Gotta go.
Come on, hurry.
Come here, come here, come here.
Ken, I left a date with a hot gynecologist for this.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
See? What's it doing here? We're being staked out.
What are you doing? Where are you going? Are you gonna say something? Des! What? Oh, shit.
Detective Arlene Branch.
Nice to meet you.
Desna: Stop looking, Kenneth! [Bell dings.]
You know you got that special somethin' Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - A cop? - No bacon.
Hon, you know better.
End this shit, Ann.
Go back to dating less-complicated women, like your desperate housewives with jealous husbands.
Ann.
Thank you.
Why were you even there? Weren't you supposed to be on a date? What happened was, Ken called me having a damn meltdown, and I had to go to the clinic.
Really? What? Why y'all looking at me? Girl.
I know an act of self-sabotage when I see one.
You are talking to the queen of masturbatory punishment.
Queens.
Our parents didn't instill us with a good sense of self-worth.
- That's true.
- Knock it off, all of you, okay? I'm not self-sabotaging.
Oh, okay then, go call that mash-up of Common and George Clooney and apologize.
Offer to make him dinner tonight.
Okay, no.
NailPalm is tomorrow.
I need to rest.
You gotta get a release.
Forget my no-sex policy.
A big O tonight will assure you a big V mañana.
- [Ann Laughs.]
- A big V O equals V I'm talkin' O and V O equals V What? Come on.
[Moaning.]
I can't stand y'all.
Come on, you can do it.
Okay, fine, I'll call him.
[Bell dings.]
Oh, hey.
Uhh, she's on the phone.
Dr.
Ken: I brought these as an apology, especially since she recently saved my life, you know, but seriously? A cop? She rocks my world.
[Sighs.]
You a little stressed? I mean, you were nearly murdered by a co-worker.
That would take its toll on anybody.
- I keep reliving it.
- Oh.
You should see my pulse.
I don't sleep.
I haven't shit in four days.
It's out of control.
Everything is out of control, and I don't know what I'm gonna Oh.
Apologies, but that had to be done, honey.
[Sighs.]
What? - Huh.
- What? All right, y'all.
It's done.
Dr.
Gregory Ruval will be at my house tonight for a home-cooked meal.
What are you gonna cook, though? I don't think Dr.
Ruval is gonna want a Lean Cuisine.
Ann is gonna hook me up with her famous empanadas.
You ain't gonna have nothin' else to do tonight since you not dating the little cop.
- [Laughs.]
- I'm gonna take that as a yes.
[Laughs.]
[Up-tempo music playing.]
[Music continues.]
[Water splashing.]
Girls! Go on and get changed.
Hey, hey, Jennifer? How'd How'd you get this house? What you mean? Like, 'cause you do nails like like my sister, and then Desi said that Bryce is not a particularly successful life coach.
[Nails clatter.]
Uh, and I know a new house like this costs a lot of money, so one of you must have a new job that's greatly improved your salary.
I do have a new job running the clinic.
Oh, oh.
And weirdly, I'm better at it than I am at coaching or contracting.
And I guess if Uncle Daddy ever needs some help sometime, I mean, I might help him.
I mean, look at this house, you know.
[Gasps.]
[Thud!.]
Hey! Oh! Are you okay? Are you okay? - Let me see that.
- I'm fine.
I'm just gonna I'ma get some ice.
- I'm fine.
- Are you okay? She's fine, she's fine.
I got a new job, too, yeah, body building.
I got invited to a show in South Beach.
Sounds impressive.
Yeah, that's impressive.
Sh-Should I invite Virginia? You know, Dean, abundance in life can only come through abundance in love.
Ye-Yeah, but should I should I invite Virginia? [Latin music plays.]
Polly: Those flowers really brighten things up.
Oh, it's still a dump.
- What? - Oh! I'm freakin' out.
Oh, what is going on? The place is a wreck.
I wanted to look sophisticated for my date.
Instead I think I look like I'm going to an African prom.
[Laughs.]
No.
I just can't.
You look amazing.
Girl, what is really going on? This man is handsome and well-dressed.
He got an M.
D.
in cootchie.
I mean, what does he want to date me for? You're a gorgeous, talented badass, that's why.
- Ooh.
- You should wear this.
It reminds me of what Jen Aniston wore to her 40th.
Gosh, she was luminous.
Put it back.
Put it back.
Food's up.
It smells so good.
Come here.
I am so lucky to have y'all.
I love y'all, and thank you for tonight.
Rest up, 'cause tomorrow, we gots to kill it.
[Phone ringing.]
Desna: Hey, uh, Jenn.
Is everything okay with Dean? Yeah, yeah, he's playing Monopoly with the girls.
Um, I got some bad news.
I banged up my thumb real bad.
I just got back from Urgent Care, and there's no way I'm gonna be able to compete tomorrow.
Shit! So Virginia's on the team now? Her acrylics are raggedy.
I'm so sorry, babe.
Maybe the judges will be blind.
You know how important NailPalm is.
Why were you using a hammer, anyway? What were you doing, putting up a Goddamn Mona Lisa in your new mansion? Don't you have servants for that? That's not fair.
Don't even get me started on what fair is, Jenn, - if you - [Doorbell rings.]
I gotta go.
[Phone beeps.]
[Exhales.]
[Clears throat.]
Hi.
I'm Gregory.
Gregory, this is Quiet Ann and Polly, and they were just leaving.
Wow, you are as scrumptious as a Georgia peach pie.
Okay.
[Whispering.]
Eat him up! Lick the filling! [Laughs.]
My friends are crazy.
Listen, thank you for giving me a second chance.
Well, it takes more than one fire alarm to scare me away.
How about that? You hungry? Yes.
So nice to have dinner with a gentleman.
The secret to a sexy look is three-point lighting with some bounce.
Right, okay.
This your first time? Oh, no, I used to do phone sex back in the day.
I'm totally cool.
[Laughs.]
Well, as soon as I posted your picture, I got 500 new subscribers.
Wow.
Yeah, I find that Asians make the best rabbits.
Okay.
Um All right, so what kind of moves were you thinking? Some bunny hops, a tail wiggle, um [clicks tongue.]
little noises? Uh, what are you So, usually the order is cowgirl, then missionary, and then we end with doggie, which we refer to as bunny.
Uh, okay, my friend, Relevance, said it was just gonna be me dancing.
Well, your friend dropped the details.
Okay, well, no problem, just a misunderstanding.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, where you going? I'm leaving.
Bitch, I already paid you.
Okay, here, look, take the money back.
No, I've got 500 horny guys online paying big bucks to watch this.
No, I don't think so, you stay.
Okay, look, that's not my problem.
It is your problem! Get off of me! Ugh! [Screams.]
[Door slams.]
Let me be straightforward with you.
I've been doing the online thing the hookups, the flakes, everything.
What I'm looking for is consistency, companionship, something real.
Umm, let me say hustlers, check.
Losers, check.
I'm, um [Sighs.]
Something real would be nice.
[Phone ringing.]
Go ahead, get it.
You sure? No, please.
Okay.
I'll make it quick.
Fast, fast, fast.
One second.
This better be an emergency.
[Shakily.]
You have to help me.
I was supposed to dance like a bunny on this webcam thing, but now the guy wants to have sex with me.
Girl, bye.
Please, listen, I'm serious.
He tried to put his hands on me.
I can't get out of here.
Man: Open the door! [Sighs.]
I'm on my way.
147 Coconut Drive.
Um, I have an emergency, and, uh, I need to leave.
Sounds very familiar.
I'm sorry.
- [Pounding.]
- Time to come out, little bunny.
We go live in 3 minutes.
Stay the hell away from me! Open the Goddamn door! [Door slams open.]
- Where is she?! - [Baseball bat thuds.]
Virginia! Kick his ass! [Muffled.]
Virginia! [Glass shattering.]
Run! [Indistinct shouting.]
Go! tell you where your face at Got dough like a baker So, whatcha gonna watch now? See you later, alligator What is wrong with you, China Doll? Why do you keep doing stupid shit? [Crying.]
What else am I supposed to do? I worked so hard to get my nails better, for all of you guys to like me, to be a part of your stupid I'm sorry for ruining your date.
What you need to be sorry about is that you almost got yourself killed back there.
Ain't you tired yet, Virginia? Sucking dick, turning trick, all this nonsense.
Girl.
There's a certain type of dirty you can't wash out.
Get your shit together, Virginia.
You hear me? Get it together.
Get a good night's rest, 'cause you're competing at NailPalm tomorrow.
What? What? I'm going?! Ain't that what I just said? Ann, I'm going to NailPa You are.
Oh, my God.
Thank you! [Sobbing.]
Okay, okay, okay.
Ann, am I really going to NailPalm? You're going.
[Sobbing.]
Okay.
Ann, step on it.
[Tires squeal.]
I'm a big girl [Club music plays.]
What is wrong with your face? I hate my roller set.
I feel like I look like Curly Sue.
Girl, you are giving me Diana Ross realness, okay? Well, I'll take it.
Be still.
Spillsie, I ran out on the good doctor again 'cause of Virginia's bullshit.
No, you did not.
Yes, I did, and I haven't heard from him, so I know he thinks I'm a flake.
He does not think you are a flake.
You have a complicated life.
Wait.
And Virginia is an idiot.
[Sighs.]
Babe, do I need to say the thing about the fish in the sea? There's so many You know how many piranhas I had to rim before I met Bryce? [Chuckles.]
I know the last few days have been eventful, but we're gonna turn shit around.
What happened with your thumb? [Sighs.]
I hurt it.
Bryce let on that he's gonna be doing more than just the clinic with Uncle Daddy, but we talked about it, and I feel like it's gonna be fine.
Y'all were doing so good.
Yeah, I know, but now, you know, with the house, it's a little more complicated, and I just feel like if we get a few months, - then we'll be able - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You were the one that said the Hussers were like quicksand, and you were right, okay? Uncle Daddy is is an unhinged lunatic.
Girl.
You gonna have to give that house back.
- What? - It's not worth it.
Well, that's easy for you to say, Des.
I got kids to think about.
I got a family.
I am thinking about your family.
- For real? - Yeah.
You're not a little bit mad that I got the house that you wanted? - Wow.
- 'Cause it seems like you are.
Okay, that right there is not fair.
What's not fair is that you think that I don't deserve it, that I didn't work hard.
I can't have nice things, my girls can't have nice things? I don't understand.
Why can't you be happy for me? Happy for you? You want me to be happy for you that your husband is officially in the Dixie Mafia, - which - Shh.
[whispering.]
which makes you officially a mob wife.
What does that make you? Are we not doing the exact same thing? My situation is different.
Girl, can you come down off the cross? We need the wood.
You don't think this is just a little bit hypocritical? You know what? I love you.
I'm gonna go inside and get a good seat so I can support you, which is what real friends do.
[Sighs.]
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Clay.
Chip.
That the new partner? How's it going? We got nothing in common.
Doesn't go to the track or drink, doesn't even watch TV, not even the "NCIS's.
" - Chip.
- What? Don't let the fact that I haven't shot you yet signal interest in your words.
I just want to know if she gonna be a problem.
I've met chipmunks smarter than that one.
That's what I want to hear.
I got a little thank you for the Coombs situation.
Ooh, thank you.
I'll bring you up to Georgia, see about getting you a role in our expansion up there.
I like the sound of that.
Thank you.
Jennifer: [Distant.]
Why can't you be happy for me? [Sighs.]
That's what real friends do.
[Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" plays.]
Get it, get it, get it Come on Get it, get it, get it Come on Hello, welcome to NailPalm! [Applause.]
I'm your host, Peggy Lipton.
[Cheers and applause.]
Here you go, folks.
The theme for Round 1 is Signs of Springtime.
You've got 20 minutes.
Go! 1989, the number, another summer Get down Sound of the funky drummer Music hittin' your heart [Cheers and applause.]
'Cause I know you got soul Round 2, Travel Through Time.
While the black bands sweat And the rhythm rhymes rollin' Got to give us what we want Got to give us what we need Our freedom of speech is freedom or death We got to fight the powers that be - Fight the power - [Buzzer.]
Round 3, Female Icons.
Fight the power Fight the power We've got to fight the powers that be As the rhythm designed to bounce What counts is that the rhyme's Designed to fill your mind Now that you've realized the pride's arrived We got to pump the stuff to make us tough [Buzzer.]
[Applause.]
To revolutionize, make a change nothin's strange People, people, we are the same No, we're not the same, 'cause we don't know the game The teams that will compete in the finals are Mrs.
Kim's Best Nail Girls and Desna's Divas.
- [Screaming.]
- [Applause.]
Fight the power Fight the powers that be Now, the best stylist from each team will compete in a head-to-head challenge.
You got this.
[Nina Simone's "Take Care of Business" plays.]
You know, it's been a while since I've exposed my my life, my art to anyone, Mr.
Emerson.
And it's very difficult for me.
- [British accent.]
- My dearest.
I-It's very difficult.
My deepest desire is to know all of you, Miss Honeychurch.
Every little bit of you.
[Normal voice.]
Actually, I want to know all of you, Gladys.
- [Electricity buzzing.]
- [Screams.]
Aah! Not Gladys.
We've been over this.
Miss Honeychurch.
- [Electricity buzzing.]
- You can keep on shocking me, - but - [Buzzing.]
Oh, oh! Aah! [Buzzing stops.]
In all my life, no one has touched me so close - I want to know all of you.
- Nor made me feel so sweet - [Buzzing.]
- Aah! But you will reveal yourself to me, all of you.
Take it from me, take it from me This is destiny.
Show me.
[Vocalizing.]
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm-hmm-hmm [Music stops.]
[Thud.]
[Normal voice.]
It's called "Woolly Knickers.
" It's constructed entirely from pubic hair collected at the Hernando Correctional Institute.
It won me a MacArthur Genius Grant, but some douche critic called it a ludicrously conceived, pompously titled joke.
You hate it.
I don't know why I thought somebody like you would like it.
It's just so beautiful.
And then there were two.
Our last theme is Self Portrait.
Ladies, look deep inside yourself.
Who are you? Woman: [Echoing.]
You're a hypocrite, Desna.
[Clock ticks.]
[Heart thumping.]
Jennifer, this is making me very anxious.
I know, baby, she's gonna pull through.
She's gonna pull through.
- Watch, watch.
- Okay.
Hey! Come on, girl.
You got this.
You better get it.
Come on! Come on, girl.
You got this! Dean: It's okay, Desna, you can do it.
- Polly: Yeah, we're right here.
- We got you.
Who's better than you? - Nobody.
- Come on, Des.
[Cheering.]
That's right! That's right.
Ann: Yes.
Whoo! All right! Dean: Don't cry, Des.
Don't cry.
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Whoo! [Exhales sharply.]
[Cheering.]
Oh, she rolling up her sleeves now.
- Hey! - [Cheering.]
Yeah! [Cheering.]
- [Laughs.]
- Yes, babe! Whoo, come on, now! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooh, you got this.
- Whoo! - Whoo! Yes, yes, yes! Yes she will! Come on, now! That's right, that's right! [Clock ticks.]
[Buzzer.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Ladies, can you please explain your work to the judges? Of course.
My parents immigrated to this country with nothing, and now I own my own business.
I'm proud of myself.
My nails reflect my pride.
Like me, they are strong, female, and professional.
Thank you so much.
[Light applause.]
And Desna, can you explain your nails? [Sighs.]
[Clears throat.]
My life hasn't been easy, ever.
I watched people around me get the success I dreamed of, and because of that, I made some mistakes.
But I got my brother, and I got my crew.
And um, my nails those nails are me.
They are chaotic, complicated, but loving.
Loved.
That's all I got.
Thank you.
And the winner of NailPalm 2017 and the $15,000 prize is Desna Simms! - Oh! Me?! - [Cheers and applause.]
Oh, my God! [Cheering.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! What What What are you doing here? Can I interest you in a congratulatory drink? I was gonna go celebrate with my girls, but you're welcome to come with us.
- I would love to.
- Yeah? This is for you.
Thank you.
I'm gonna introduce you.
They're gonna be weird, though, okay? - Hey.
- Hello.
Are those all your real teeth? - They are beautiful.
- [Laughs.]
[Insects chirping.]
Baby.
You gotta go to your art show.
You have to.
I mean, look at these creations.
They speak to the Goddamn human experience.
But how could I leave you? Oh, I-I-I'll be fine.
You'll leave a little food by the bed, and maybe extend the chain just an inch or two so I can use the toilet.
[Sighs.]
[British accent.]
I shall go to Art South Beach, Mr.
Emerson, with you as my muse.
I will show Jerry Salz and those other poseurs what real art is.
I'm gonna run to the art store before it closes.
Supplies! Supplies.
Hurry back! [Laughs.]
[Beeps.]
[Dials.]
[Phone ringing.]
Who is this? Oh, Mr.
Emerson! You got me so riled up that I forgot my my telephone.
Screw the art store.
I'll go tomorrow.
- [Laughs.]
- [Sighs.]
Thanks for dropping me off, Jennifer.
So, Virginia and I are going to go to South Beach together.
Uh, does your sister know? Well, not yet.
Here are the pencils your kids wanted.
That's those real-estate people? Why'd you do that? Yeah, they they hurt me when I was little.
Desna said one day karma was gonna get them, and karma did.
Back where I come from, when someone kills your family, you hunt them down.
The owner of your dream salon, Glint Nails, has put it back on the market, and she's willing to play ball with you.
Shut up.
The racist who didn't want to deal with my kind has now changed her tune? How's it going? Detective Arlene Branch.
[Chuckles.]
The Coombses They They had sex with me.
We're pinning Roller's murder on my foster parents.
- [Car door closes.]
- We did it.
We just got a call.
Clay: Take care of it.
- Aah! - [Grunts.]
[Gun cocks.]
[Gunshots.]
Mr.
Emerson.
You're alive.
[Lock clicks.]
We did this.
We did not do this.
We set the Coombses up to be killed.
No, we set them up to go to jail.
This was done by Uncle Daddy's corrupt po-po.
Pol, this was done by Bryce.
Because Uncle Daddy forced him to do it.
Listen, you guys, we didn't know any of this was gonna happen, okay? But it did.
Okay, and now Jenn has to live with the fact that her husband is a [whispers.]
murderer for the rest of their lives.
She thinks that he avenged his brother's death.
But he wasn't, Pol.
He killed my foster parents.
Okay, but Jenn doesn't know that.
- Right.
- And she better never find out, otherwise, I'll beat your little ass.
Hey, listen, Desna, those Coombses were terrible people.
I know.
Well, now Dean never has to worry about those malevolent shitwipes again.
- Dean: Des? - Hey, Deany.
Hey, Des.
I Hi, Virginia.
Hey, Dean.
You look pretty.
Thank you.
I-I'm hungry.
I'm right behind you, baby.
I gotta go.
It's a new day, Desna.
New day for us, too.
Tits up.
Dean: You didn't have bad dreams last night.
Usually, I hear screaming.
For the first time since Roller died, I actually slept.
Yeah.
- [Clacking spoons rhythmically.]
- Hey! [Chuckles.]
Huh, go, Dean.
Go, Dean.
Don't get bashful now.
The Coombses are dead.
[Gags, chokes.]
What? It was on the news this morning.
They were part of a drug ring, yeah.
They got what they deserved.
Yeah, they did.
Are you okay? Mm-hmm, I'm glad those assholes are dead.
- Baby? - Mm-hmm? What went down last night? I want to talk about it.
You want to talk about it? [Sighs.]
You know, two years ago, that shit might have put me on a on a bender.
Like the time I woke up in Weeki Wachee with no pants and a pack of feral cats eating my hair.
Yeah.
But I've been workin' the program and doing the steps.
Truth be told, I'm proud of myself.
I did what needed doing.
And you've done all you promised Uncle Daddy.
And we can get our life back, right? Yes, ma'am.
[Sighs.]
In light of this news, I feel that you deserve a morning BJ.
Hmm.
Race you to the car.
You know I got on heels! [Classical music playing.]
When I saw you in that swamp, Mr.
Emerson, I knew you were special.
It's like the fates intervened and manifest my dreams.
My very own English suitor dropped from the sky.
Look at you now.
Lady, my chest hurts.
You're like a gift from heaven, Mr.
Emerson, and I'm your guardian angel.
We're going to be like those couples in Italian movies.
[Groaning.]
Let me go, please.
We're going to have little porcelain plates with tiny ham and cheese sandwiches that don't fill you up, but make you feel rich.
Let me use your phone, please.
Oh, no, no, Mr.
Emerson, you don't need the phone.
We're going to make you strong again so we can walk the hillsides together.
[Groans.]
No.
[Panting.]
[Howling.]
["Turning Heads" by The Streak playing.]
Who's that girl? She got me goin' Yeah, who's that girl? She got me goin', hey All the heads are turning This real estate is prime.
You know every single one of these tight little housewives gets her poo-hole waxed.
- [Laughter.]
- Ooh! It even smells expensive, like a mix of French perfume, new cars, and health care.
[Laughter.]
This is it.
Our dreams are becoming a reality, ladies.
Who been texting all day, Quiet Ann? [Gasps.]
Oh, I see that little girly blush on your cheeks.
[Laughs.]
You got a little special someone, don't you? Ooh, well, right here, we can come every morning - and have a little macchiato.
- Ooh.
Bitch, you can't even spell macchiato.
[Laughter.]
You got the sexy groove on You got me now that I've got the je ne sais pas Na, na, na-na-na Yeah, I'm that girl that got goin' No, I think I like it right here.
Oh, Ann found the bar.
At the bar! Excuse me, do you mind just stepping aside? I'm just trying to get a feel for the feng shui.
Thank y'all.
- [Laughs.]
- [Fake laugh.]
It's amazing how clear racism is, even if it's spoken in another language.
Ms.
Simms, you're here.
Despite your many efforts to block me and my kind, I am.
Oh, I was just trying to be cautious.
I hope you met my girls.
Sadly, I can't take them to Tampa with me.
I did, and I was thinking about keeping some of them on, but after that warm welcome I received, I've decided to hire new techs to supplement my crew.
- Glint has five stars on Yelp.
- Whoa.
My girls have won NailPalm twice.
I knew you were all common.
I didn't think you were dim-witted, as well.
[Laughs.]
You underestimate me.
These are the baddest bitches in Palmetto, and the last thing we need is some Korean Barbies dragging us down, so why don't all y'all be out by 6:00, and take these tacky fruit bowls with you.
[All laughing.]
[Toilet flushes.]
The old tampon in the toilet trick.
Mm-hmm.
That's harsh.
And we planned on opening up this week, too.
I just I feel so bad.
I wish I could help fix it, but I'm broke.
- Yes, you is.
- Unlike you, Miss Relevance.
That's your third new bag this month.
Don't tell me you trappin' again.
I hit the lotto, girl.
- Oh, girl, here we go.
- Unh-unh.
I met a dude at the Winn-Dixie, pays me $400 an hour just to dance around in a Tweety Bird costume while he live streams it.
What?! You lyin'.
Girl, I'm not hookin'.
I'm not stealing.
I am using my God-given talents to do honest work for perverts.
Good for you, because that bag is cute.
You want in? 'Cause he's got friends with some similar proclivities.
And the house they shoot at, girl, super nice.
Silk sheets, a bougie fridge full of all kind of food.
Little chocolates and shit, girl.
I'm not into that stuff anymore.
I got a job now.
I got a crew.
Those old bitches that whupped your ass? [Scoffs.]
Call me when that shit blows up in your face.
Ooh, excuse me? But how your nails looking, though? Bitch! They look good.
Poppin', right? - Okay.
- You did that.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
[Door bell dings.]
[Shoes squeaking.]
How bad is it? Well, your pipes burst.
Water penetrated in the structural cavities.
You're gonna need epoxy.
We know, baby, that you used to be a contractor.
Can you give it to us in English? Your floors are shot to shit.
Rugs all need to be replaced.
You got damage to the bathroom wall.
How much we talking, Bryce? 11, 12K.
Damn! Where am I supposed to get that kind of money? Well, go to the bank, get a loan.
Oh, Polly-Pol, you see life through Caucasian-colored glasses.
Maybe you could borrow the money from Uncle Daddy.
Uh Hell to the no, are you crazy? - After all we just did to pay him back.
- [Phone dings.]
And we are done with Uncle Daddy.
Well, actually, he wants to see us right now.
Good.
This'll give you a chance to tell him you're done in person.
Yeah.
Right.
[Bell dings.]
Pol, that money we planted on the Coombses was all the money I had.
Am I ever gonna catch a break? Things are gonna turn around.
They have to.
[Sighs.]
Damn.
I don't get it.
Whose house is this? Bryce, let me tell you something.
Knowing those Coombses are playing bingo in hell with Hitler, Idi Amin, and my first-grade teacher, Sister Grace Margaret, truly appeases my soul.
Tell him you're done.
Tell him.
Bryce, you have proven yourself.
Not only as a Husser, but as a businessman.
Last week was the best the clinic's ever had.
- [Laughs.]
- Wait, really? That's why I got you this house.
What? Local schools, they got smaller classes, and they got they got a music program.
They got a they got an edible garden which is like a like a farm-to-table shit.
This, Bryce This is a thank you and perhaps in a an in incen God damn, that T-shirt's distracting me.
Perhaps an incentive to keep on at the clinic.
No strings attached.
You know, Uncle Daddy, this this is generous.
It's beyond generous, but I don't - I don't think we can - Wait.
It's got a music program? Yes, there is.
Baylor has been wanting to learn the clarinet.
Son? You done good.
You stepped up and made things right for Roller.
Lord rest his soul.
- [Insects chirping.]
- [Italian opera music plays.]
Man: I love you.
I love you.
This is what we're like.
Mr.
Emerson, remember? When you you you swooped me up in your arms, and you carried me to safety.
I still remember that little café.
[Sighs.]
In the rain, darling, on the viala.
[Speaks French.]
[Music continues.]
Will you stop playing around and help? All right, Miss Attitude.
Geez.
I have an attitude because you not helping.
But now I am.
Ooh, girl, look, there go those heifers from Glint.
[Speaking Korean.]
Go over there and tell me what they saying.
For the last time, they're Korean, I'm Vietnamese.
We are not the same, okay? Desna.
Desna's stripper sidekick.
Careful.
What a coincidence.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about that unfortunate plumbing incident at Glint.
We know you were behind it.
Paranoia is not a flattering shade on you.
Look, we're just here to pick up our supplies for NailPalm.
Okay, well, maybe we'll join, too, show all you hoes how it's really done.
Whatever.
That prize money is still ours.
NailPalm? Oh, hell, no.
The Koreans always win that.
Well, they won't this time.
We gonna show those racist bitches that black people, brown people, white people, whatever the hell Virginia is can kill it in the nail game.
We are gonna show our talent and win that prize money.
And it's not right how their kind run the entire beauty industry.
[Laughs.]
You know, y'all are pretty prejudiced.
Stereotyping is human nature.
It's how we understand to speak in high tones to a baby and loudly to a senior.
I heard that on NPR.
[Speaks Korean.]
What she say? - [Laughs.]
- I don't know.
But I got respect for the Koreans, right? My mentor was one.
But that Glint bitch? Mnh-mnh.
She tried to redline me from getting my salon.
That right there deserves a little side eye.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, girl.
Hey, girl.
- Polly.
- Yeah.
I got an ingrown on my bikini line needs tending, and I can't get at it.
Ouchie! Okay, well, come on back, Scarlet, I got you.
So, I got some news.
Uncle Daddy got me and Bryce a new house.
A big new house.
But it's in a better school district.
It's, like, near a playground.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
How big? Are you kidding me? You know I been promising Dean a house.
- I know.
- And And your husband, what, worked at that clinic for all of what, a week? Bryce earned that house.
You know what he had to do to get it, so But he's not gonna do stuff like that ever again.
He's just gonna work at the clinic.
Is this a joke? Look, I want you to let me pay for the repairs at Glint.
You know, you could "F" this NailPalm shit.
Des, just take the money.
I want the money, Jenn.
I need the money.
I deserve the money, hmm? But I don't want shit from the Dixie Mafia.
And if you had any sense, you wouldn't, either.
Uh-uh, I need some air.
Can I get a six-piece shrimp with, um, extra sauce? Gotcha.
Shit, Chaz, I don't have my purse.
Can I pay you in a few? - No way, Desna, I can't do it.
- Are you serious? I eat here every day and I work across the parking lot.
I just need one freakin' thing to go right today.
[Haitian accent.]
Chaz, it's on me.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm Gregory Ruval.
Yes, you are.
[Chuckles.]
I'm Desna.
- Desna Simms.
- Desna.
Never, never gonna give you up Would you like to join me for lunch, maybe? I'm never, ever gonna stop I would, thank you.
Girl, I just can't live with you Girl, you got it And he's a doctor? Not just a doctor.
- He's a gynecologist.
- Ooh! What?! - Yes! - [Laughs.]
Yes.
Oh, my arm hairs all just stood on end.
It is finally a reason to get a pap smear.
Hold on, y'all.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
He even drives a Mercedes E Class.
Ladies, you know what that means.
Big car, big dick.
- [Laughing.]
- She's in front of the customers.
Y'all are so nasty.
Ann, stop it.
The man said he wants to take me on a real date.
Polly, give her a full Brazilian.
What?! All of it, off! Listen, there's gonna be a lot of romance tonight, but a classy guy like that? No nookie till the second date.
A full bush will protect you from succumbing, like that thorn bush outside of Sleeping Beauty's castle.
[Laughing.]
Okay, all of y'all are up in my personal business, okay? What we need to be figuring out what we gonna do at NailPalm.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to tell you.
I looked it up.
It turns out, only four people per team can be on the roster.
One of us has to be an alternate which means Quiet Ann, sorry, girl.
[Scoffs.]
China Doll, you're the alternate.
Wait, wait, wait, what? You said I'm getting better.
- You are, but - But what? Quiet Ann doesn't even do manicures.
She doesn't even have a station.
Her holo chromes and her miniatures are on point.
It's not that she don't know how to do nails, it's just that Sadly, I'm a leg man.
- That part.
- That's bullshit.
Screw y'all.
- I'm out.
- [Door slams.]
Did she just roll outta here like that? Real slow, just like Go on.
Gladys: [Groaning.]
Oh.
[Laughing.]
Oh.
Mr.
Emerson, you were right.
Taking you off the morphine has made you a much more focused lover.
Are you ready for another go? I need a minute.
But baby girl, I [Electricity crackles.]
[Screams.]
Miss Honeychild, I [Giggling.]
I have other ways to make you smile.
Lovely.
[Moaning.]
[Phone ringing.]
Don't stop.
It's just my gallerist.
[Phone rings.]
[Moaning.]
- [Beeps.]
- Larry? Yes, it's very sweet of you to think of me for Art South Beach God.
[Gasping.]
No, I know you're only asking me because that pussy Jeff Koons is probably at a DAPL protest.
Kisses to Alice! - [Beeps.]
- An art show? I never knew you were an artist baby Miss Honeychurch.
We'll discuss this later.
Mr.
Beebe and the others will be here any moment.
Quick.
Quick.
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Relevance.
Hey.
What's up, girl? I changed my mind.
Call that webcam guy, because I'm in.
[Chuckles.]
For real? Yeah, let's do this.
Let's make this money, girl.
So, did you always know you wanted to be a doctor? No, actually, I wanted to be a professional break dancer.
- [Chuckles.]
Shut up.
- Yeah.
[Laughs.]
Oh! Get it, get it.
- [Laughs.]
- That's cute.
Yep.
But no.
The truth is, I watched a lot of my people die in Haiti, preventable deaths.
So I guess I just wanted to right the wrongs.
How about you? Owning a nail salon, was it always your dream? I never thought I'd own anything.
A Korean girl in the foster home I was living in taught me how to do nails, and I perfected my skill at a strip club in my neighborhood.
Do not judge me.
Not as a dancer.
I did nails for the strippers.
- Got it? - Okay.
[Laughs.]
Yeah.
And then a nail place opened up in my neighborhood, and me and my best friend, Jenn, would go there every single day until we convinced the owner to hire both of us.
Wow, that's a great story.
I respect a lady who goes after what she really wants.
Oh, I go after what I want.
[Both laugh.]
Never, ever gonna give you up You know, I never met anyone quite like you before.
Girl, I just can't live without you I'm never [Cellphone rings.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
This could be my brother, and he has special needs.
Can you give me one second? Of course.
Hello? There's been an unmarked police car outside the clinic for well over an hour.
Kenneth, you gettin' on my nerves.
Call Bryce.
I did.
He didn't answer.
Look, if you don't come down soon, I'm gonna start flushing pills.
And I know that's self-defeating and it's not necessary, but you know I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it because I have no other ideas.
[Phone beeps.]
Umm, a fire alarm is going off at my salon.
It's probably just a short circuit, but So you need to go? Yeah.
I'll drive you.
No, no, no.
It's out of the way, and I could just catch a cab.
But thank you.
I had a wonderful time.
Maybe we could do it again.
Gotta go.
Come on, hurry.
Come here, come here, come here.
Ken, I left a date with a hot gynecologist for this.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
See? What's it doing here? We're being staked out.
What are you doing? Where are you going? Are you gonna say something? Des! What? Oh, shit.
Detective Arlene Branch.
Nice to meet you.
Desna: Stop looking, Kenneth! [Bell dings.]
You know you got that special somethin' Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - A cop? - No bacon.
Hon, you know better.
End this shit, Ann.
Go back to dating less-complicated women, like your desperate housewives with jealous husbands.
Ann.
Thank you.
Why were you even there? Weren't you supposed to be on a date? What happened was, Ken called me having a damn meltdown, and I had to go to the clinic.
Really? What? Why y'all looking at me? Girl.
I know an act of self-sabotage when I see one.
You are talking to the queen of masturbatory punishment.
Queens.
Our parents didn't instill us with a good sense of self-worth.
- That's true.
- Knock it off, all of you, okay? I'm not self-sabotaging.
Oh, okay then, go call that mash-up of Common and George Clooney and apologize.
Offer to make him dinner tonight.
Okay, no.
NailPalm is tomorrow.
I need to rest.
You gotta get a release.
Forget my no-sex policy.
A big O tonight will assure you a big V mañana.
- [Ann Laughs.]
- A big V O equals V I'm talkin' O and V O equals V What? Come on.
[Moaning.]
I can't stand y'all.
Come on, you can do it.
Okay, fine, I'll call him.
[Bell dings.]
Oh, hey.
Uhh, she's on the phone.
Dr.
Ken: I brought these as an apology, especially since she recently saved my life, you know, but seriously? A cop? She rocks my world.
[Sighs.]
You a little stressed? I mean, you were nearly murdered by a co-worker.
That would take its toll on anybody.
- I keep reliving it.
- Oh.
You should see my pulse.
I don't sleep.
I haven't shit in four days.
It's out of control.
Everything is out of control, and I don't know what I'm gonna Oh.
Apologies, but that had to be done, honey.
[Sighs.]
What? - Huh.
- What? All right, y'all.
It's done.
Dr.
Gregory Ruval will be at my house tonight for a home-cooked meal.
What are you gonna cook, though? I don't think Dr.
Ruval is gonna want a Lean Cuisine.
Ann is gonna hook me up with her famous empanadas.
You ain't gonna have nothin' else to do tonight since you not dating the little cop.
- [Laughs.]
- I'm gonna take that as a yes.
[Laughs.]
[Up-tempo music playing.]
[Music continues.]
[Water splashing.]
Girls! Go on and get changed.
Hey, hey, Jennifer? How'd How'd you get this house? What you mean? Like, 'cause you do nails like like my sister, and then Desi said that Bryce is not a particularly successful life coach.
[Nails clatter.]
Uh, and I know a new house like this costs a lot of money, so one of you must have a new job that's greatly improved your salary.
I do have a new job running the clinic.
Oh, oh.
And weirdly, I'm better at it than I am at coaching or contracting.
And I guess if Uncle Daddy ever needs some help sometime, I mean, I might help him.
I mean, look at this house, you know.
[Gasps.]
[Thud!.]
Hey! Oh! Are you okay? Are you okay? - Let me see that.
- I'm fine.
I'm just gonna I'ma get some ice.
- I'm fine.
- Are you okay? She's fine, she's fine.
I got a new job, too, yeah, body building.
I got invited to a show in South Beach.
Sounds impressive.
Yeah, that's impressive.
Sh-Should I invite Virginia? You know, Dean, abundance in life can only come through abundance in love.
Ye-Yeah, but should I should I invite Virginia? [Latin music plays.]
Polly: Those flowers really brighten things up.
Oh, it's still a dump.
- What? - Oh! I'm freakin' out.
Oh, what is going on? The place is a wreck.
I wanted to look sophisticated for my date.
Instead I think I look like I'm going to an African prom.
[Laughs.]
No.
I just can't.
You look amazing.
Girl, what is really going on? This man is handsome and well-dressed.
He got an M.
D.
in cootchie.
I mean, what does he want to date me for? You're a gorgeous, talented badass, that's why.
- Ooh.
- You should wear this.
It reminds me of what Jen Aniston wore to her 40th.
Gosh, she was luminous.
Put it back.
Put it back.
Food's up.
It smells so good.
Come here.
I am so lucky to have y'all.
I love y'all, and thank you for tonight.
Rest up, 'cause tomorrow, we gots to kill it.
[Phone ringing.]
Desna: Hey, uh, Jenn.
Is everything okay with Dean? Yeah, yeah, he's playing Monopoly with the girls.
Um, I got some bad news.
I banged up my thumb real bad.
I just got back from Urgent Care, and there's no way I'm gonna be able to compete tomorrow.
Shit! So Virginia's on the team now? Her acrylics are raggedy.
I'm so sorry, babe.
Maybe the judges will be blind.
You know how important NailPalm is.
Why were you using a hammer, anyway? What were you doing, putting up a Goddamn Mona Lisa in your new mansion? Don't you have servants for that? That's not fair.
Don't even get me started on what fair is, Jenn, - if you - [Doorbell rings.]
I gotta go.
[Phone beeps.]
[Exhales.]
[Clears throat.]
Hi.
I'm Gregory.
Gregory, this is Quiet Ann and Polly, and they were just leaving.
Wow, you are as scrumptious as a Georgia peach pie.
Okay.
[Whispering.]
Eat him up! Lick the filling! [Laughs.]
My friends are crazy.
Listen, thank you for giving me a second chance.
Well, it takes more than one fire alarm to scare me away.
How about that? You hungry? Yes.
So nice to have dinner with a gentleman.
The secret to a sexy look is three-point lighting with some bounce.
Right, okay.
This your first time? Oh, no, I used to do phone sex back in the day.
I'm totally cool.
[Laughs.]
Well, as soon as I posted your picture, I got 500 new subscribers.
Wow.
Yeah, I find that Asians make the best rabbits.
Okay.
Um All right, so what kind of moves were you thinking? Some bunny hops, a tail wiggle, um [clicks tongue.]
little noises? Uh, what are you So, usually the order is cowgirl, then missionary, and then we end with doggie, which we refer to as bunny.
Uh, okay, my friend, Relevance, said it was just gonna be me dancing.
Well, your friend dropped the details.
Okay, well, no problem, just a misunderstanding.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, where you going? I'm leaving.
Bitch, I already paid you.
Okay, here, look, take the money back.
No, I've got 500 horny guys online paying big bucks to watch this.
No, I don't think so, you stay.
Okay, look, that's not my problem.
It is your problem! Get off of me! Ugh! [Screams.]
[Door slams.]
Let me be straightforward with you.
I've been doing the online thing the hookups, the flakes, everything.
What I'm looking for is consistency, companionship, something real.
Umm, let me say hustlers, check.
Losers, check.
I'm, um [Sighs.]
Something real would be nice.
[Phone ringing.]
Go ahead, get it.
You sure? No, please.
Okay.
I'll make it quick.
Fast, fast, fast.
One second.
This better be an emergency.
[Shakily.]
You have to help me.
I was supposed to dance like a bunny on this webcam thing, but now the guy wants to have sex with me.
Girl, bye.
Please, listen, I'm serious.
He tried to put his hands on me.
I can't get out of here.
Man: Open the door! [Sighs.]
I'm on my way.
147 Coconut Drive.
Um, I have an emergency, and, uh, I need to leave.
Sounds very familiar.
I'm sorry.
- [Pounding.]
- Time to come out, little bunny.
We go live in 3 minutes.
Stay the hell away from me! Open the Goddamn door! [Door slams open.]
- Where is she?! - [Baseball bat thuds.]
Virginia! Kick his ass! [Muffled.]
Virginia! [Glass shattering.]
Run! [Indistinct shouting.]
Go! tell you where your face at Got dough like a baker So, whatcha gonna watch now? See you later, alligator What is wrong with you, China Doll? Why do you keep doing stupid shit? [Crying.]
What else am I supposed to do? I worked so hard to get my nails better, for all of you guys to like me, to be a part of your stupid I'm sorry for ruining your date.
What you need to be sorry about is that you almost got yourself killed back there.
Ain't you tired yet, Virginia? Sucking dick, turning trick, all this nonsense.
Girl.
There's a certain type of dirty you can't wash out.
Get your shit together, Virginia.
You hear me? Get it together.
Get a good night's rest, 'cause you're competing at NailPalm tomorrow.
What? What? I'm going?! Ain't that what I just said? Ann, I'm going to NailPa You are.
Oh, my God.
Thank you! [Sobbing.]
Okay, okay, okay.
Ann, am I really going to NailPalm? You're going.
[Sobbing.]
Okay.
Ann, step on it.
[Tires squeal.]
I'm a big girl [Club music plays.]
What is wrong with your face? I hate my roller set.
I feel like I look like Curly Sue.
Girl, you are giving me Diana Ross realness, okay? Well, I'll take it.
Be still.
Spillsie, I ran out on the good doctor again 'cause of Virginia's bullshit.
No, you did not.
Yes, I did, and I haven't heard from him, so I know he thinks I'm a flake.
He does not think you are a flake.
You have a complicated life.
Wait.
And Virginia is an idiot.
[Sighs.]
Babe, do I need to say the thing about the fish in the sea? There's so many You know how many piranhas I had to rim before I met Bryce? [Chuckles.]
I know the last few days have been eventful, but we're gonna turn shit around.
What happened with your thumb? [Sighs.]
I hurt it.
Bryce let on that he's gonna be doing more than just the clinic with Uncle Daddy, but we talked about it, and I feel like it's gonna be fine.
Y'all were doing so good.
Yeah, I know, but now, you know, with the house, it's a little more complicated, and I just feel like if we get a few months, - then we'll be able - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You were the one that said the Hussers were like quicksand, and you were right, okay? Uncle Daddy is is an unhinged lunatic.
Girl.
You gonna have to give that house back.
- What? - It's not worth it.
Well, that's easy for you to say, Des.
I got kids to think about.
I got a family.
I am thinking about your family.
- For real? - Yeah.
You're not a little bit mad that I got the house that you wanted? - Wow.
- 'Cause it seems like you are.
Okay, that right there is not fair.
What's not fair is that you think that I don't deserve it, that I didn't work hard.
I can't have nice things, my girls can't have nice things? I don't understand.
Why can't you be happy for me? Happy for you? You want me to be happy for you that your husband is officially in the Dixie Mafia, - which - Shh.
[whispering.]
which makes you officially a mob wife.
What does that make you? Are we not doing the exact same thing? My situation is different.
Girl, can you come down off the cross? We need the wood.
You don't think this is just a little bit hypocritical? You know what? I love you.
I'm gonna go inside and get a good seat so I can support you, which is what real friends do.
[Sighs.]
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Clay.
Chip.
That the new partner? How's it going? We got nothing in common.
Doesn't go to the track or drink, doesn't even watch TV, not even the "NCIS's.
" - Chip.
- What? Don't let the fact that I haven't shot you yet signal interest in your words.
I just want to know if she gonna be a problem.
I've met chipmunks smarter than that one.
That's what I want to hear.
I got a little thank you for the Coombs situation.
Ooh, thank you.
I'll bring you up to Georgia, see about getting you a role in our expansion up there.
I like the sound of that.
Thank you.
Jennifer: [Distant.]
Why can't you be happy for me? [Sighs.]
That's what real friends do.
[Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" plays.]
Get it, get it, get it Come on Get it, get it, get it Come on Hello, welcome to NailPalm! [Applause.]
I'm your host, Peggy Lipton.
[Cheers and applause.]
Here you go, folks.
The theme for Round 1 is Signs of Springtime.
You've got 20 minutes.
Go! 1989, the number, another summer Get down Sound of the funky drummer Music hittin' your heart [Cheers and applause.]
'Cause I know you got soul Round 2, Travel Through Time.
While the black bands sweat And the rhythm rhymes rollin' Got to give us what we want Got to give us what we need Our freedom of speech is freedom or death We got to fight the powers that be - Fight the power - [Buzzer.]
Round 3, Female Icons.
Fight the power Fight the power We've got to fight the powers that be As the rhythm designed to bounce What counts is that the rhyme's Designed to fill your mind Now that you've realized the pride's arrived We got to pump the stuff to make us tough [Buzzer.]
[Applause.]
To revolutionize, make a change nothin's strange People, people, we are the same No, we're not the same, 'cause we don't know the game The teams that will compete in the finals are Mrs.
Kim's Best Nail Girls and Desna's Divas.
- [Screaming.]
- [Applause.]
Fight the power Fight the powers that be Now, the best stylist from each team will compete in a head-to-head challenge.
You got this.
[Nina Simone's "Take Care of Business" plays.]
You know, it's been a while since I've exposed my my life, my art to anyone, Mr.
Emerson.
And it's very difficult for me.
- [British accent.]
- My dearest.
I-It's very difficult.
My deepest desire is to know all of you, Miss Honeychurch.
Every little bit of you.
[Normal voice.]
Actually, I want to know all of you, Gladys.
- [Electricity buzzing.]
- [Screams.]
Aah! Not Gladys.
We've been over this.
Miss Honeychurch.
- [Electricity buzzing.]
- You can keep on shocking me, - but - [Buzzing.]
Oh, oh! Aah! [Buzzing stops.]
In all my life, no one has touched me so close - I want to know all of you.
- Nor made me feel so sweet - [Buzzing.]
- Aah! But you will reveal yourself to me, all of you.
Take it from me, take it from me This is destiny.
Show me.
[Vocalizing.]
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm-hmm-hmm [Music stops.]
[Thud.]
[Normal voice.]
It's called "Woolly Knickers.
" It's constructed entirely from pubic hair collected at the Hernando Correctional Institute.
It won me a MacArthur Genius Grant, but some douche critic called it a ludicrously conceived, pompously titled joke.
You hate it.
I don't know why I thought somebody like you would like it.
It's just so beautiful.
And then there were two.
Our last theme is Self Portrait.
Ladies, look deep inside yourself.
Who are you? Woman: [Echoing.]
You're a hypocrite, Desna.
[Clock ticks.]
[Heart thumping.]
Jennifer, this is making me very anxious.
I know, baby, she's gonna pull through.
She's gonna pull through.
- Watch, watch.
- Okay.
Hey! Come on, girl.
You got this.
You better get it.
Come on! Come on, girl.
You got this! Dean: It's okay, Desna, you can do it.
- Polly: Yeah, we're right here.
- We got you.
Who's better than you? - Nobody.
- Come on, Des.
[Cheering.]
That's right! That's right.
Ann: Yes.
Whoo! All right! Dean: Don't cry, Des.
Don't cry.
Yes, yes, yes, yes! Whoo! [Exhales sharply.]
[Cheering.]
Oh, she rolling up her sleeves now.
- Hey! - [Cheering.]
Yeah! [Cheering.]
- [Laughs.]
- Yes, babe! Whoo, come on, now! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooh, you got this.
- Whoo! - Whoo! Yes, yes, yes! Yes she will! Come on, now! That's right, that's right! [Clock ticks.]
[Buzzer.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Ladies, can you please explain your work to the judges? Of course.
My parents immigrated to this country with nothing, and now I own my own business.
I'm proud of myself.
My nails reflect my pride.
Like me, they are strong, female, and professional.
Thank you so much.
[Light applause.]
And Desna, can you explain your nails? [Sighs.]
[Clears throat.]
My life hasn't been easy, ever.
I watched people around me get the success I dreamed of, and because of that, I made some mistakes.
But I got my brother, and I got my crew.
And um, my nails those nails are me.
They are chaotic, complicated, but loving.
Loved.
That's all I got.
Thank you.
And the winner of NailPalm 2017 and the $15,000 prize is Desna Simms! - Oh! Me?! - [Cheers and applause.]
Oh, my God! [Cheering.]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! What What What are you doing here? Can I interest you in a congratulatory drink? I was gonna go celebrate with my girls, but you're welcome to come with us.
- I would love to.
- Yeah? This is for you.
Thank you.
I'm gonna introduce you.
They're gonna be weird, though, okay? - Hey.
- Hello.
Are those all your real teeth? - They are beautiful.
- [Laughs.]
[Insects chirping.]
Baby.
You gotta go to your art show.
You have to.
I mean, look at these creations.
They speak to the Goddamn human experience.
But how could I leave you? Oh, I-I-I'll be fine.
You'll leave a little food by the bed, and maybe extend the chain just an inch or two so I can use the toilet.
[Sighs.]
[British accent.]
I shall go to Art South Beach, Mr.
Emerson, with you as my muse.
I will show Jerry Salz and those other poseurs what real art is.
I'm gonna run to the art store before it closes.
Supplies! Supplies.
Hurry back! [Laughs.]
[Beeps.]
[Dials.]
[Phone ringing.]
Who is this? Oh, Mr.
Emerson! You got me so riled up that I forgot my my telephone.
Screw the art store.
I'll go tomorrow.
- [Laughs.]
- [Sighs.]
Thanks for dropping me off, Jennifer.
So, Virginia and I are going to go to South Beach together.
Uh, does your sister know? Well, not yet.
Here are the pencils your kids wanted.
That's those real-estate people? Why'd you do that? Yeah, they they hurt me when I was little.
Desna said one day karma was gonna get them, and karma did.