Comic Book Men s01e06 Episode Script
Ink
How far would you go to, uh, get some superpowers? You mean, like, physically? Would I go to modesto, California, or? - No, I'm talking what would you sacrifice? Would you cut off your nads? Tsk.
In exchange for a cool superpower? - I can't think of a superpower that - well, what does it do? What if you could, like, jump a block at a time? Yeah, like, the hulk.
That's how he travels.
Think how much you'd save on gas.
Naah, you get beefy and you'd have the falsetto voice.
Wait a minute, you get beefy in terms of what? You get muscular? No, you'd bloat up.
You could get those little implants.
What if you got, like, a really crappy superpower? Like claws? I don't think I'd miss them at all.
I would do it.
welcome to comic book men, the only show that Batman can't even stop.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Ming Chen.
- And Michael Zapcic.
- Who would you say hands down, is your favorite super-team? I'd do a different generation of the JLA.
The satellite years.
Yes.
- Firestorm.
- Nuclear man.
Right.
The boy who was inhabited by his teacher.
I don't remember that.
It's, like, "what's the character?" He's a boy and his teacher enters him and they become a superhero together.
All right, what about you, Walt? - I'm gonna go avengers.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go with Thor, Wonderman that graviton era team.
Or no, Nefaria.
Right.
They've gone so geeky they've lost even me, man.
They went into a third comic book language there where I was, like, "that's a new one, what are they talking about?" What about super friends? Super friends? Yeah, super friends, like the wonder twins.
Pow! Bro, it's a cartoon.
Oh, my bad.
Not like the comics.
Don't be ridiculous, Bryan.
It's a cartoon.
Wasn't superman's dog on that team? Krypto? Wasn't it the dog with the cape? He had a dog but he wasn't on that team.
He wasn't on the team? Super friends, first they had, um, Wendy and Marvin.
Two teenagers who had a dog, wonder dog.
But he didn't have any superpowers.
They just put a cape on him.
- I did that to my dog.
- Put a cape on him? - Yeah.
- Aren't they, like, nyah! nyah! Yes.
And I said, "I'm gonna tie it even tighter if you" keep taking it off.
" There is a new breed of celebrity that tweet each other.
Oh.
Like, when you get a famous person who tweets another famous person, you know they have their phone number too.
You know they can just text 'em.
Like, you're not paying enough attention to the celebrity so it's, like, "oh, you know what?" "I know how I can get people's attention.
Let me tweet another celebrity that I know.
" I'm talking to you two.
What the hell, man? - What? - What are you doing? - I didn't know, I thought you were talking you were just doing a manifesto.
- Well, I am.
I'm saying it out loud, but, you know.
Hello.
How are you today? - I'm great.
- What can we do for you? Um, basically I need a gift for my boyfriend.
Boyfriend, okay.
- He's super into spider-man, but I'm gonna be honest.
I'm, like, in over my head.
I don't know anything about this.
With the relationship, or you mean with the gift? - Thanks.
- What's the occasion? - It's his birthday.
- Birthday.
- Yeah.
- How long you been? For 31/2, like 4 months.
- So you're talking probably - The honeymoon's over.
The luster's a little bit dingy.
- The what? - Take the good and the sure! Dude, four months isn't that long.
My wife, she doesn't know anything about comics.
And she was faced with this when we were starting out.
You know, they just kind treat her here like, "here, buy the most expensive thing.
" Luckily I like the most expensive thing and we got married.
Right.
- But it really does take, like, a little bit of, um - you're not there to just crassly take their money and be, like, "take this.
" - No, because, you know, the wrong gift that could end a relationship.
- It could damn a relationship.
- Yeah.
You really gotta get to know them, what is their interest, what are they into? Hang out with them for a few days.
Yeah, how deep are you getting into this, man? It's, like, an episode of hart to hart, man.
This is all about romance, right? Yeah.
Oh, definitely.
- Well, we have the most romantic spider-man story ever written.
I like the idea of classic romance.
I'm into that.
Come back this way.
Right here are the two issues I was speaking of.
Spider-man 121 and 122.
Ah, so the death of Gwen Stacy.
And the death of green goblin.
Spider-man's girlfriend is thrown off a bridge by the green goblin.
Spider-man shoots a web down, snags her by the back and in doing so, her neck snaps - oh, brutal.
- And she dies.
- So the next issue, spider-man took a vow, like, "you son-of-a-bitch, you killed my woman.
Tonight you're gonna pay.
" But when he was ready for the death blow against the green goblin, he turned his back.
He realized that killing was not the answer.
You know, the ultimate in, you know, true heroism.
I read that book off the stands, and it had a huge impact on me.
So you consider the second part of it as poignant because he lives up to the vow he made to the woman he failed.
In the first issue.
I know it's a little late.
Yeah, like, "sorry I'm late! You will be avenged!" That's true romance right there.
Take these up to the front, you can take a closer look at them then.
All right, cool.
We did good.
Ooh, awesome.
These are two really good books.
What are we asking for them again? - This one was $95.
- Yeah.
- And - Whoo! Well, that's the death of Gwen.
- Yeah.
- This is - okay, so that's, like, a really monumental event.
- Yeah.
- Right.
- It's huge.
- Okay.
And this one was $75.
So $170.
I was looking at $100.
Budget-wise, so He's not worth that much is what she's saying.
Uh, $160? Mike, I think I can do better than $160.
I think it's possible today just today if this was any other day it wouldn't happen.
But I think we can do $150.
It's a little over my budget but I think that the complete set is really a solid, nice gift.
I agree.
It shows I put the research in and I cared enough, soYeah.
I'll bag 'em up.
- Thanks.
- $150, please.
All right.
- What's up, man? - Hey, what's going on? How you doin'? I didn't know they came out with that.
- Yeah, they re-released it in hardcover.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Tim.
Hey, what's up, Mike.
How you doin'? - What's goin' on? - Not much.
- 23.
- All right.
Looks like you got A new tat? Uh, well this one.
It's my wife's name.
It was the last one I got.
Which one's your favorite? - Um, I like the octopus a lot.
- Was it painful? Yeah.
Yeah, it's real painful.
I mean, it's, like, somebody's holding a giant bee and just being attacked by it for a couple hours.
But those tats though, the tough guy meter is, uh, off the charts when you see somebody walk in with like, you're, like, you show more respect to a guy with tats.
They're really cool.
I'm pretty impressed.
You guys have any? I have none.
Not me, man.
I believe, like, when a guy is inked, you know, properly - right.
Like, it just screams "Don't eff with me.
" Right.
- "I'm a bad-ass.
I'm a bad man.
" "Look what I'm willing to do to me! What do you think I'm willing to do to you!" Exactly! - I kinda like that "I'm a bad man.
" - All right, man.
- All right, thanks a lot.
- Take it easy.
- See you guys later.
- Have a good night.
- Bye.
I was wondering, like, would I be that bad-ass or would I just look like a fool if I had tats like that? - No, I think you'd look bad-ass.
Like, if your arms are covered as much as his were.
- Dude, with all your praise of his tattoos like, the one chance you had, you bailed.
What? When was that? - '95.
- Ooh.
Let's check these stock orders real quick.
Yeah, that can wait.
Wait, keep going.
He promised.
He said I remember, so steadfast, so vehemently, "if the devils win the cup this year I'm getting a devils tattoo.
" I remember when they won, I asked him if he was gonna get it and he's, like, "nah.
" And I said, "what the hell?" Like, "why would you chicken out?" And he said - I didn't chicken out.
- You did chicken out.
- I didn't chicken out.
- Bak-bak-bak-bak! - I did not chicken out! I just changed my mind! Somebody else changed his mind.
His wife bought him a video game if he wouldn't get the tattoo.
- No, no.
- That's what you told me.
It was a video game system! Now I remember this.
Yes, yes.
Do you ever regret not getting the tattoo? I just don't think I carry a tattoo.
I just don't project what a hard-ass projects when they got tattoos, you know? What if you got one right on your forehead, just said "killer.
" Um "I heart comics.
" That's even cooler.
How could you back down like that, though? The devils won the cup.
You know I hate to side with ming on anything.
But on this one - What's that sound? It sounds like a bird with no tattoos.
If I really wanted one, I wouldn't have to run it by my wife.
- Oh.
- That's for sure.
Okay.
How about we all get tattoos then? Let's put our money where our mouth is.
- You're gonna get a tattoo? - I will get a tattoo.
We all get tattoos.
I will get a tattoo.
All right, if you get one, I'll get one.
- You're really gonna get one? - What does that mean? Like, you think I'm not? I don't know, are you? Did I say I was? You get one, you get one, I'll get one.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
All right.
While we're all there you might as well grab one too while you're at it.
I'll go.
I don't have a wife to check with.
Must be nice.
I'm sure your wife will appreciate hearing that.
- You into green lantern? - Yes.
And this is actually the movie, uh, paraphernalia.
How much you looking for? Probably be looking at, uh You would never box a woman celebrity? Even for charity? Nope.
What if she was, like, in the press constantly? Like, "come on, Flanagan! Come on, Flanagan!" There's nothing to gain.
If I lose, I look foolish.
If I win, I look horrific.
- It's a no-win situation.
YeahOkay, I should box you then.
All right.
I'd box you and jet li at the same time.
- I don't I don't need jet li.
You're gonna beat me in a boxing match? - Yeah.
- You're crazy.
- I think he could beat you.
- He definitely could.
Oh, do you think he'd run around enough to wind you.
- Mm-hm.
And then you wouldn't be able to keep your arms up? Oh, I get out of breath, like, eating lunch.
Yeah.
He'll destroy me in two seconds.
- It's all over.
- You know what? I would cut all this off so I just had, like, the moustache.
- The handlebar? - Yeah, mm-hm.
- How you doing? - Hey, how you doin'? I'd be, like, knocking stuff out of people's hands.
Hey, real quick, before you get to that.
Who do you think would win in a fight, me or him? I'm gonna go with Asian, 'cause I gotta support the brothers.
- All right, yes.
- I gotta support the brothers.
- I love it.
- You're both racist.
You guys wanna actually talk about business? Or now, or.
.
? Yeah, that's a good idea.
All right.
You into green lantern? Yes.
This is actually the movie, uh, paraphernalia.
This is something I picked up years back.
Probably in the mid-90s.
The front areas are actually the fragile parts.
And it lights.
You know what green lantern was, right? He had a little ring.
Yes.
- He had a little ring and he power-charged into this battery and he'd go fight crime.
So what does he do? Green lantern flies around holding this, looking for bad guys and stuff? No, that power battery is actually just what he charges up the ring at.
The ring is the real weapon and - he has to charge his ring? - Yeah.
- That is how inconvenient.
- The power ring the Owen power ring.
Yeah.
We live in a world now where we charge everything.
- Yeah.
- Why is that? We're actually very programmed to be green lantern now.
Sometimes you forget, though.
Like, sometimes I forget to charge my cell phone.
You just do it before you go to bed.
How long does it take to charge? - As long as that poem? - As long as the poem? I think it's as long as the oath and what is it? "In brightest day and blackest night, "no evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who " ah, it's too much.
It's too much.
is really too long to wait to be, like, all-powerful? Ming is about to get his head ripped off by a super-villain, right? Okay We're going Five seconds, ming.
You got another seven seconds left.
I love that, you think that's too long.
We're still going.
- Yeah, but every superhero - We're still going.
Every superhero has limitations.
- We're still going I'm green lantern! Oh, there, he's done.
How much you looking for for the prop? This, uh, was one of the limited releases that came out in 2006.
Probably be looking at, uh About 280 on it.
It doesn't go for that much.
In truth I did, uh, see recently on Ebay someone did win one, I think unboxed for plus $250 range.
- At the highest end that I've seen these at right now I mean - Say it! - $87, $88.
- Okay it goes both ways.
I mean, you're not wrong that it can go for that, so Probably couldn't go over 60 bucks for this.
Okay, I'll have to decline.
But, you know, thanks for taking the time.
- Sorry, man.
- No problem.
Thanks, fellas.
See you later, man.
I'm sick of people coming in and thinking that they can get what they see online for.
I thought you'd be used to that by now.
You know what, you're the hot woman at the bar that's just constantly getting hit on.
Bad lines, you know, people buying you drinks then thinking they can take you home.
Thank God for people like you.
The hot women like you.
All right, guys.
I wanna see what the tattoo designs look like.
I wanna see what you guys are gonna get.
Where you're gonna get them.
What you guys are thinking about.
I'm going with a bad-ass Super-satanic Demon-head.
With his tongue hanging out, holding a Stanley cup.
Totally, like, satanic.
Like, people are gonna be, like, that guy dabbles in the black magic.
- That's pretty bad-ass.
What are you gonna do, ming? I always wanted the Jack knight "Starman" symbol.
What about something satanic? - I'm not - Yeah, is there a devil by it? I'm nowhere near satanic.
- Come on, you wanna look bad-ass, don't you? You don't wanna look like just a comic nerd.
- That is bad-ass.
I'm gonna stop short of agreeing with you there.
Well, you're gonna love the next one then.
I always thought about getting the Baltimore orioles mascot.
Remember back in '83, the cartoon bird? Why not get something that's really, like, personal to you, like the stash logo.
That's a huge commitment.
Um, you know, I love it here.
I don't plan on being here forever though.
- What? - Whoa! It sounds like he's giving notice.
I'm not giving notice.
Five years from now, you don't plan to be here? Walt, do you mind if I email you my resume? I got one other tattoo idea, it's a Chinese family seal.
Looks like something out of a fortune cookie.
So what, it's a crest? A seal? It's the Chen family seal.
It says "Chen" on there.
What do they use it for? It's an ancient way of, like, signing your documents.
Like, that's your official seal.
- This is pretty cool.
- You approve of it? I approve of this.
I don't consider myself a tat person by any stretch of the imagination.
But I got my wife's name when I was younger, man.
It says "Jenny's.
" And I always figured if she dumped me I'd just turn the "j" into a "d.
" And people would be, like, "I can see that.
" "He's down with the super bird.
" "He likes moons over my hammy.
" All right, so what are you getting Mike? What are you thinking about getting? I'm toying with the idea of a superhero logo.
And I see names around them.
Yeah, my wife.
Where are you gonna get it? Either down here on my rump, right here.
Or on my arm.
Like a tramp stamp? No! No, not center, over here.
That's pretty close, man.
That's too close for comfort, isn't it? Not too many people are gonna see it.
What about when you're bending over, like, helping somebody grab a comic? The shirt might pull up.
Before they would only have noticed your thong, but now Now they notice the tramp-stamp as well.
You wanna talk about manly? Tell them the first tattoo you got.
Well, the first one I ever got was, uh Calvin and Hobbes.
Again, sorry, we didn't quite hear that.
Yeah, slowly, slowly.
Calvin and Hobbes, the bill watterson cartoon.
- So in order to show what a bad-ass you were, like, "look at this kid!" He's got an imaginary friend!" Um, all right, so this dude's talking about putting a scene out of the exorcist.
- Right.
- You've got Calvin and Hobbes.
What are you gonna add to it? I'm going for a tattoo of my niece.
I'm swept up in the zombie fever just like everybody else so it's gonna be a picture of her as a zombie.
Riding her tricycle.
You're not serious, right? Yeah, no, she loves zombies.
I love zombies, she loves zombies, we love zombies together.
That's what we bond over.
Ooh, that is a tough one though, because it's, like, on one hand you're, like, "it's my niece.
" - Mm-hm.
Then on the other hand you have to explain, "it's my niece, dead.
" Well Living dead.
- Where's it going? - Right here.
I'm gonna do it right here.
- Can I be 100% honest with you? - Are you ever anything less? Worst, worst idea I've ever heard come out of your mouth.
Really? - It's so it's such in poor taste, man.
It's, like, bad taste to the tenth degree.
To whom, though? To get a dead child put on your arm.
There's no coming back from that, man.
When you put it like that, it actually sounds even more metal.
Why are you selling these Barbies? It's hard because, you know, I've had them for so long.
So is it a done deal? UmMmm How come you don't sell whoopee cushions in this store? It's not a novelty store.
You don't think they provide the same degree of hilarity and enjoyment that they did 40 years ago? I mean, how much money can you really make? How many whoopee cushions you think you could really sell? - And therefore sell-out the integrity of the store? I'm not worried about integrity.
If I thought I could bring us in some money, I'd stock it.
It would be only whoopee cushions.
You know, like, if it was, like, pokemon '98.
- Yeah.
- Whoopee cushions, 2011.
I would have no problem doing that.
- Hey.
- Hey, how you doing? - Good, how are you? - All right.
Um, well, I have a couple things that I think maybe you might be interested in.
Sure.
If you wanna take a look at them.
- I'll take a look at them.
- Okay! Hmm.
- Barbies.
- Wonder-Barbies.
All my superhero Barbies.
- Batgirl.
- Oh, wow, Barbies.
With lunchboxes.
So all you have is Barbies? Yeah, that's all I've got.
Why are you selling these Barbies? - I have too much stuff.
- Too much stuff? I'm trying to minimize it so I can buy more More stuff.
So yeah, unfortunately Barbies and, uh, the secret stash are not we're not "A-Ken" to Barbie, get it? - Mm-hm.
Yeah, clever.
You two should be paying for that.
I won't carry Barbies in the stash.
Neanderthal.
Why, why? Because Barbies don't belong in the stash.
Girl toy! Boy toys! - I just don't feel it belongs - but if she's dressed like batgirl, then she belongs in the stash.
It's such a reach.
But if she's dressed like a superhero, she earns a place at the table, no? Underneath you're still a Barbie.
Ooh.
That hurts, that's gotta hurt.
Barbie rolls a tear.
I think that's so weird that you're, like, "Barbie doesn't cross the she shall not pass!" Stop Barbie at the door.
What about Ken dressed as han solo? It's still a Ken doll.
What about Ken dressed as a G.
I.
Robot? Like, they go real obscure into D.
C.
history? - It's still a robot.
- Really? - I mean, it's still - G.
I.
Robot Ken? You wouldn't be, like, "all right, man, they tried.
" What if it was kryptonite Ken? A Ken made entirely of kryptonite? - I might buy that.
- A-ha! What are you looking for? I don't wanna lead them on that I might even be interested.
- How much are you looking for? - On the sly.
Well, um, what I was looking for, um, online.
They were, like, $40 a piece or they had three of them for, like, $75.
I mean, to me, these are worth way more than $40 a piece.
Just because it's, you know, it's something that I - your nostalgic feelings from childhood.
Yeah.
- Is what what gets the market.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, I see.
- But yeah, they were about they were running around, um what about would you break 'em up? If I were to take two off your hands? What are you gonna do with two Barbies? - I have a five-year-old niece and she's into dolls and stuff.
- Is she into wonder woman? - Superheroes.
She might be.
You mentioned a price of $40 earlier.
Yes.
So what would you, uh? Um Mm Come on, girl, I can make it real easy.
- Yes.
- $25 each.
$25 each.
As I crack my knuckles.
That way you don't have to sell them online.
You don't have to pack them up.
You don't have to have somebody turn around and be, like, "oh, I never got them!" Yeah, it's hard because I've had them for so long and it's just, like - how long could you have had these? Yeah, what year did they come out? - They just came out probably.
- What? 2003.
Oh, my goodness.
That's almost ten years, people.
You've had these for almost ten years.
She's very emotionally attached.
The attachment.
I get attached to something that I buy, like, this year.
Hold on a second, I'll show you a picture of the little kid it's going to and then you tell me if 25 is too much.
It'll be out of the box.
There she is.
You wanna tell her? - Aw! - Ooh! - You gonna tell her? - No, mm-mm.
So is it a done deal? The twoFor $50? - Yes, yes.
- All right.
- Yes.
- I'm so proud of you.
I'm a master negotiator, and they should have me behind that counter.
Okay, so they were going for $40, and you got them down to $25? - 25 a piece.
- Not bad, man.
So you went from 80 to 50 bucks.
- Mm-hm.
- Master negotiator.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
They're probably cackling 'cause they just came from the store where they bought them two for ten bucks.
I think I ripped him off.
We got this pigeon.
Get them out of here before a customer shows up.
Is it all right if I sell them? Like, if somebody offers me something while I'm walking around? Dude, it's not gonna happen.
- You really gonna do this? - Of course.
Were there any last minute pleading from any of your wives? - Yeah.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- What'd she say? If you're really gonna do this, let me get a look at you, you know, perfect before, uh Pfft, perfect! Look, your feet don't even hit the floor.
Oh.
He looks like lily tomlin when she used to sit in that giant chair.
So we're just waiting for Walt, huh? I don't think he's coming.
You gotta be kidding me.
Who needs him? Who needs Flanagan? - It's unbelievable, man.
- Are you gonna back out? We got a little brotherly triangle going on right here.
He was part of the reason I was gonna do it, though.
Put it in his face.
Any time he starts giving you crap about anything pfft! "Remember that?" He shuts up.
"You shut up, Flanagan.
" This is something that you can hang over him.
Yeah.
Forever, permanently.
Exactly.
Just for that it'll be worth it.
- Ready? - I'm ready.
- Let's rock.
- All right.
After you.
That slide in That's intimidating.
Was that some sort of, like, Alpha dog move? In my store? - What's up, guys? - How's it going? - What's goin' on? - How you doin'? - What's goin' on? - Nothing much, man.
I, uh you know, I've walked here a few times.
I saw you walking back and forth out there.
- Yeah.
- I was about to call the cops.
I've got a couple of things that I think you guys might be interested in.
I've just got some figures.
Ooh! - Batman.
- Yeah.
- Hm.
- The target exclusives, huh? Yeah.
What do these remind you of? Oh, Mego's.
The legendary Mego line of the '70s.
About ten years ago all the chains were doing exclusives.
I mean toys were, like, off the chain.
It was like printing money.
- From the mid-90s forward there was a boom.
Yes.
Target or Wal-Mart would have an exclusive figure that can only be purchased at their store.
Right.
- And target had these Batman Mego-li figures.
They wearing cloth outfits and stuff? - Yes.
- Oh.
This was a way for them to try to test the market to see if kids would flock back to the Mego style of figures.
Why are you getting rid of them? I like them a lot, but I've got a storage shed full of old comics and transformers and stuff like that so I'm just trying to downsize and see if I can make some cash in the meantime.
All right, what are you looking for for this set of three? I would say they're worth 50 each.
- Okay.
- So 150.
But, you know, I know you've gotta sell them so if I could get 100 out of them I'd be happy.
They're not that rare and not that expensive.
I mean, obviously the Batman one is the harder to find.
If you had bought three Batmans, you'd be sitting in the money.
You and your wife would be dining on filet mignon tonight.
'Cause, I mean I know what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna sell Batman, uh, by the end of the week.
Joker will probably go too but penguin basically is the red-headed stepchild of these because - oh, really? - Because nobody cares.
- Nobody liked the penguin? - No one cares about penguin.
- No.
- Why don't people like penguin? He's just not sexy.
He's just a fat old man in a tuxedo.
There's nothing about him cool.
I don't know, man.
Imagine my boy with a top hat and a monocle.
- See? - And a pointier nose.
The penguin figure is basically unmovable.
- Why? Why is it the only fat guy in comics nobody wants or likes, man? It's just like kickball all over again.
Ten years ago I probably could have got, like, Not today.
The toy market I think's definitely shrunk.
I can only offer you Whew.
- I know it's not much of a - It's pretty short from 100.
- Of a payday for you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but they're depreciating every minute you sit there and think about it, price is going down.
All right.
Let's talk 40.
That slide in of the penguin That's intimidating.
Is that some sort of, like, Alpha dog move? In my store? I think they come as a set.
They come as a set and go as a set.
You should be on your back right now showing your belly showing him your underside.
- Um, 25 bucks.
- 25 bucks? Bucks.
It's cold over here and lonely and penguin needs to be back with his family.
I could do 38 for all three.
I could do I'm going down now.
Yeah, you're right.
You look perplexed.
Every time that you try to force that penguin on me, I'm gonna take it down a dollar.
So we're at 22 for just these two.
- No, we're at 21 now.
- 21? You can't figure me out.
Okay so essentially you're doing a bugs bunny-daffy duck on him right now.
- Duck season-rabbit season.
- It was a slow day, obviously.
- Obviously.
I'm not and now just no more kidding around.
- 25 for all three? - 25 for all three.
I could go 30.
I could go as low as 30.
You can go as low as 30? Ugh How about 28? All right, 29.
Under 30 just feels good.
You got a good deal, you got a good deal.
Thank you, sir.
All right, man.
- Have a good one.
- Take it easy.
- This your first tattoo, Mike? - Yes, sir.
All right, man, a virgin.
Love the virgins.
Okay.
So you nervous? Yeah, a little bit.
It's my first one.
I keep hearing it's addictive.
Very true.
I'm worried about one day getting covered.
Mm, could happen.
You want me to take a little bit of the beard off too? AahNah, that's all right.
You ready? I'm ready.
Before you start, you ever have any mishaps? No, no, no.
Like a misspelling or anything? No.
Never? We try not to do that.
All right, let's go.
All right, here goes.
Your wife's name with an "ie" or a "y?" I'm It's not funny.
So you guys all work in a comic book store together? Yeah, me and him do.
The bearded guy over there he just kinda comes and hangs out.
He's not really officially an employee.
Yeah, we have those around here too.
Anybody get any, uh, superhero tattoos? Oh, all the time.
We get the Supermans, the Batmans, the ider-mans.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, I guess.
I had this kid come in one time and he wanted, um, a superman symbol on his chest.
It was his first tattoo.
Soon as I put the needle he's, like, whoa! It was done.
I go, bro, you picked the wrong tattoo to get.
You picked the superman symbol, and you're bailing out on the tattoo 'cause of the pain.
Right, yeah.
You're supposed to be superman.
"Man of steel" you're not.
How you holding up, Miguel? I'm doing well, thanks.
How you feeling over there? It doesn't feel that bad at all.
You might discover a whole new world, man.
Like, you like pain.
Next thing you know, you're out looking for that next fix.
Getting your ass beat by some dominatrix.
Yeah, it would depend on the woman.
What do you require in a dominatrix? I had no idea that you've thought out preferences.
Tough but loving.
So she dresses you down and then, like, cradles you in her arms afterwards? - Yeah, and then we go out and, you know yeah, we go have dinner at a nice place afterwards.
You know what? I've never had a dominatrix, so I can't say.
Maybe that's what you need.
A woman to whip you into shape.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Maybe.
Literally.
Ho-ho-ho! Who said that? Who said that? I'm starting to really, really think.
- Don't.
- Walt's not coming.
Yeah, you think? I'm gonna officially give up hope on him.
Uh, you know what? I think I have too.
You gotta dress him down, man.
- Oh, I will.
- You gotta give it to him.
You gotta turn the tables on him this time.
I will.
It's gonna be pretty sweet too.
Where were you, man? You never showed up.
What happened? Um - Just admit to me and to everyone at this table - all right.
That you're one big, rotten chicken.
I have to say, uh, ming respect gaugeBoom! Through the roof.
Flanagan, pfft.
Walt's out.
All right, ming? I like it.
Let's overthrow him.
There might have to be a coup d'etat, Mike.
Mike runs the stash.
You're his second in command.
Yeah.
And now I'm you.
I don't like this employed feeling.
It's weird.
Yeah, you're quitting already? I don't know if this is gonna work.
Jim Lee signature on this one, huh? - Yep.
- How'd you get that? My mom flirted with the security guard at my first comic book convention.
My mom was the greatest supporter of my comic habit.
But thank God she didn't have to do that.
Now Walt, you always maintained that the munsters were a little more kid-friendly as a like, a monster show.
That was my soap box for about a year or two.
The Addams family was just a little bit more creepier.
You had Uncle fester who was really weird looking.
Putting light bulbs in his mouth, doing weird stuff.
What else was he putting in his mouth, do you know? What would Freud say? Orally fixated, yeah.
Hey, how you doing? I'm looking to sell some books.
What do you got? I got a bunch of cool stuff.
Yeah, you got some old stuff, huh? - Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh.
You know what this is, right? It's the key book of the '70s.
I'm definitely interested in this one.
You know you look like kirk Cameron? I got that a lot.
- Oh, look at this X-Men number one.
Jim Lee signature on this one, huh? - Yep.
- How'd you get that? Um, my mom flirted with the security guard at my first comic book convention.
Bumped me up to the head of the line.
- How old were you? - I was about 14.
I've always maintained my mom was the greatest supporter of my comic habit.
But thank God she didn't have to do that.
Grandma gave up the ass so I could meet Stan Lee.
Oh, "killing joke.
" Yeah, you remember this one, right, Bry? Did you have this one? No, but I remember it coming out and you and kev buying multiple copies of it.
That's right.
It was quite the wall-book back in the day.
It still is.
It's still a very historically significant issue.
I don't think you can take away the impact that Alan Moore, Brian Bolland had in the Batman mythes.
I mean, this is the issue that they crippled batgirl.
I remember more about you and kev in the backseat as I drove.
Oh, she's crippled! Oh, comics! Whoo! Oh, you even have the Ditko Mr.
a stuff.
This is awesome.
You don't see this very often.
It's almost like a newspaper.
What is Mr.
a? Mr.
a was one of the very first independent books.
Steve Ditko had left mainstream and put out a side project called Mr.
a who was the precursor to the question.
- To the question, right? - Right.
Who's your favorite Ditko character? - Uh, question.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
- He's definitely my favorite.
Wow.
You're like the son I never had, man.
Wanna go get a cup of coffee? Hey, you jealous back there? 'Cause you don't know what we're talking about, right? - Sure.
- This bugs you every time somebody comes in and knows about comics, the jokes come out.
You get that big smile on your face, like, "I wish you were my friend instead of Bry.
" New model rolls up, suddenly the old model looking a little worse for wear.
- Mm-hm, a couple of days.
- Yeah.
A couple? - This guy, he just was starry-eyed.
You know, I'm buttering the guy up a little bit.
I'm setting him up to be, like, an elk.
Unaware, just sip that water as I creep up behind you.
And then mate with you.
What are you looking for for these four? What are you thinking for them? - This is gonna be a throw-in for me personally, because I just want to read it and, um, it probably isn't worth that much in the condition it's in with the staining.
Yeah.
Uh, killing joke, um, the best I could do is 10 bucks for this one.
Whatever number we come in on, it's gonna be based on these two.
- Okay.
- What do you think, Mike? - 425? - Yeah, for all of them.
Cue mom.
To work her magic.
Oh, hello, boys.
At that, I don't think I could let those go.
What about 450? It's only, like, 25 bucks more.
What are you looking for? It would probably be No, not for that price.
But I'm really interested in this.
Can I buy this off you for a buck? - For a buck? - Yeah.
I bought it for 5.
All right, you just lost 80%.
What about 12 for the pair? - Mr.
a and "the killing joke.
" - Yeah.
- And a handshake? - And a handshake.
And a hug? And a hug.
- Okay.
- Oh, wow, oh.
Sealed with a hug as most businesses these days.
- A hug! - God, was it awkward looking.
- The sweet talk paid off, man.
- It did.
See? See what he does? He knows what he's doing.
Sometimes you gotta know when to go into a little bit of a soft touch and then you go into another guy with a hard touch.
It all depends on who you're touching.
I've never gotten a soft touch in my life.
- Anything from Walt yet? - Not a word.
I emailed him.
I haven't heard from him either.
Maybe something's really wrong.
What if our friend is dead? - There he is.
- He is alive.
- Where the hell were you? - I thought we had a date.
- What are you talking about? - Yesterday.
Where the hell were you? Oh, wait, let me take a guess you were at the toy store.
Holding your wife's hand, buying a video game system.
Wait a minute.
You guys really went and got tattoos.
You thought I was serious? - You backed out.
- Honestly.
Honestly, tell me what happened.
Did you really think I was coming? I found it just stunning that they believed that I was gonna go through with it at all.
I had no intention of ever going.
And the whole thing was predicated upon him going, like, "remember back in 1995?" And then you two bozos chiming in.
I was, like, you know how I'm gonna fix your two asses? I'm gonna throw a challenge down and you're gonna be stupid enough to believe it and go there and get tattoos.
This is the part of the movie where the villain tells you his plan.
You're angry I assume.
Oh, I'm very angry.
A real man does what he says he's gonna do.
- So that's all is that all I've lost? I've lost your respect? You're almost at the point where you don't get to tell me what to do any more.
- Whoa! Ho-ho-ho! You hear when he said it, though? His voice cracked! The boy's voice is quivering, I'll give you that.
I can't believe he got the words out, though.
I like this new ming.
All right, man.
We've heard about them.
Uh, we've talked about them.
We've lamented getting them.
We fought over them almost.
Can I see them? Can I see the tattoos? I mean, this is the part of the story where you're, like, "I put them on my wiener.
" Where'd you put the tattoos and can I see them? On our wieners.
Where'd you get yours? I got mine on the back shoulder here.
- Let's see.
- You wanna see it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right.
There it is.
Oh, that's good! It's a Chinese family seal that my grandmother designed.
- Good, man.
- Pretty bad-ass, right? Yeah, yeah, it's red.
You gotta put some stuff on that.
It's infected.
I didn't wanna worry him, but yeah, it looks pretty bad.
Zap, what'd you get? Uh, my wife's name in scrimshaw.
That's awesome, dude.
Look at that, man.
As much as I was leaning towards the superman, I love my wife more.
Well, that's good, I mean you gotta say that? Yeah, it is kind of one of those things, like, "give me a pat on the back for doing what's right.
" Good job, Mike, good job.
All right, we covered these cats.
What did you decide to go with? It's zombie sagie riding a tricycle.
Oh, my God, look at the commitment.
Dude, it's your arm.
It's a sleeve for heaven's sake.
And it's got T.
E.
S.
D.
In the middle.
- A little "tell 'em Steve-Dave" shirt.
That is awesome.
Did you show your niece? I did.
Little kid! Bryan! Hi.
Hello, what are you doing? - I'm a zombie.
- You're a zombie? - Yes.
- Oh.
Did I tell you? Do you like zombies? Do you want me to show you a picture of zombie sagie? You do? Okay.
You ready? Yes.
Zombie sagie.
- The zombie's me.
- That is you.
She loves it.
I know.
I was sweatin' it a little bit.
Really? See, you're riding your bike.
Unh.
Okay, we'll go get something to eat, okay? You like zombies? Say, "Walt I love zombies.
" Walt, raah! Ready? You wanna go? Okay.
- All right, be back in a half-hour.
Come on, man.
This ain't no hour lunch break.
Okay, thanks for pretending I'm employed in front of her.
Bye, Walt.
- Bye-bye.
Bye.
Well, man, it's kind of amazing.
You guys all went out and got some ink that'll be on your bodies until you go to the grave.
It'll be on your bodies even afterwards.
Um, it started as what seemed like a bonding exercise but ended in a real big comeuppance.
Some feelings were hurt, there was a lot of confusion.
But I think we all learned something.
I can't believe it, man, but that's it for another episode of comic book men.
Thanks for hanging out with us listening to the tales, the Wooly adventures, in the world of retail and four color images.
I'm Kevin Smith.
Walt Flanagan.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Ming Chen.
And Michael Zapcic.
May the force be with you, kids.
Good night.
In exchange for a cool superpower? - I can't think of a superpower that - well, what does it do? What if you could, like, jump a block at a time? Yeah, like, the hulk.
That's how he travels.
Think how much you'd save on gas.
Naah, you get beefy and you'd have the falsetto voice.
Wait a minute, you get beefy in terms of what? You get muscular? No, you'd bloat up.
You could get those little implants.
What if you got, like, a really crappy superpower? Like claws? I don't think I'd miss them at all.
I would do it.
welcome to comic book men, the only show that Batman can't even stop.
I'm Kevin Smith.
- Walt Flanagan.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Ming Chen.
- And Michael Zapcic.
- Who would you say hands down, is your favorite super-team? I'd do a different generation of the JLA.
The satellite years.
Yes.
- Firestorm.
- Nuclear man.
Right.
The boy who was inhabited by his teacher.
I don't remember that.
It's, like, "what's the character?" He's a boy and his teacher enters him and they become a superhero together.
All right, what about you, Walt? - I'm gonna go avengers.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go with Thor, Wonderman that graviton era team.
Or no, Nefaria.
Right.
They've gone so geeky they've lost even me, man.
They went into a third comic book language there where I was, like, "that's a new one, what are they talking about?" What about super friends? Super friends? Yeah, super friends, like the wonder twins.
Pow! Bro, it's a cartoon.
Oh, my bad.
Not like the comics.
Don't be ridiculous, Bryan.
It's a cartoon.
Wasn't superman's dog on that team? Krypto? Wasn't it the dog with the cape? He had a dog but he wasn't on that team.
He wasn't on the team? Super friends, first they had, um, Wendy and Marvin.
Two teenagers who had a dog, wonder dog.
But he didn't have any superpowers.
They just put a cape on him.
- I did that to my dog.
- Put a cape on him? - Yeah.
- Aren't they, like, nyah! nyah! Yes.
And I said, "I'm gonna tie it even tighter if you" keep taking it off.
" There is a new breed of celebrity that tweet each other.
Oh.
Like, when you get a famous person who tweets another famous person, you know they have their phone number too.
You know they can just text 'em.
Like, you're not paying enough attention to the celebrity so it's, like, "oh, you know what?" "I know how I can get people's attention.
Let me tweet another celebrity that I know.
" I'm talking to you two.
What the hell, man? - What? - What are you doing? - I didn't know, I thought you were talking you were just doing a manifesto.
- Well, I am.
I'm saying it out loud, but, you know.
Hello.
How are you today? - I'm great.
- What can we do for you? Um, basically I need a gift for my boyfriend.
Boyfriend, okay.
- He's super into spider-man, but I'm gonna be honest.
I'm, like, in over my head.
I don't know anything about this.
With the relationship, or you mean with the gift? - Thanks.
- What's the occasion? - It's his birthday.
- Birthday.
- Yeah.
- How long you been? For 31/2, like 4 months.
- So you're talking probably - The honeymoon's over.
The luster's a little bit dingy.
- The what? - Take the good and the sure! Dude, four months isn't that long.
My wife, she doesn't know anything about comics.
And she was faced with this when we were starting out.
You know, they just kind treat her here like, "here, buy the most expensive thing.
" Luckily I like the most expensive thing and we got married.
Right.
- But it really does take, like, a little bit of, um - you're not there to just crassly take their money and be, like, "take this.
" - No, because, you know, the wrong gift that could end a relationship.
- It could damn a relationship.
- Yeah.
You really gotta get to know them, what is their interest, what are they into? Hang out with them for a few days.
Yeah, how deep are you getting into this, man? It's, like, an episode of hart to hart, man.
This is all about romance, right? Yeah.
Oh, definitely.
- Well, we have the most romantic spider-man story ever written.
I like the idea of classic romance.
I'm into that.
Come back this way.
Right here are the two issues I was speaking of.
Spider-man 121 and 122.
Ah, so the death of Gwen Stacy.
And the death of green goblin.
Spider-man's girlfriend is thrown off a bridge by the green goblin.
Spider-man shoots a web down, snags her by the back and in doing so, her neck snaps - oh, brutal.
- And she dies.
- So the next issue, spider-man took a vow, like, "you son-of-a-bitch, you killed my woman.
Tonight you're gonna pay.
" But when he was ready for the death blow against the green goblin, he turned his back.
He realized that killing was not the answer.
You know, the ultimate in, you know, true heroism.
I read that book off the stands, and it had a huge impact on me.
So you consider the second part of it as poignant because he lives up to the vow he made to the woman he failed.
In the first issue.
I know it's a little late.
Yeah, like, "sorry I'm late! You will be avenged!" That's true romance right there.
Take these up to the front, you can take a closer look at them then.
All right, cool.
We did good.
Ooh, awesome.
These are two really good books.
What are we asking for them again? - This one was $95.
- Yeah.
- And - Whoo! Well, that's the death of Gwen.
- Yeah.
- This is - okay, so that's, like, a really monumental event.
- Yeah.
- Right.
- It's huge.
- Okay.
And this one was $75.
So $170.
I was looking at $100.
Budget-wise, so He's not worth that much is what she's saying.
Uh, $160? Mike, I think I can do better than $160.
I think it's possible today just today if this was any other day it wouldn't happen.
But I think we can do $150.
It's a little over my budget but I think that the complete set is really a solid, nice gift.
I agree.
It shows I put the research in and I cared enough, soYeah.
I'll bag 'em up.
- Thanks.
- $150, please.
All right.
- What's up, man? - Hey, what's going on? How you doin'? I didn't know they came out with that.
- Yeah, they re-released it in hardcover.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Tim.
Hey, what's up, Mike.
How you doin'? - What's goin' on? - Not much.
- 23.
- All right.
Looks like you got A new tat? Uh, well this one.
It's my wife's name.
It was the last one I got.
Which one's your favorite? - Um, I like the octopus a lot.
- Was it painful? Yeah.
Yeah, it's real painful.
I mean, it's, like, somebody's holding a giant bee and just being attacked by it for a couple hours.
But those tats though, the tough guy meter is, uh, off the charts when you see somebody walk in with like, you're, like, you show more respect to a guy with tats.
They're really cool.
I'm pretty impressed.
You guys have any? I have none.
Not me, man.
I believe, like, when a guy is inked, you know, properly - right.
Like, it just screams "Don't eff with me.
" Right.
- "I'm a bad-ass.
I'm a bad man.
" "Look what I'm willing to do to me! What do you think I'm willing to do to you!" Exactly! - I kinda like that "I'm a bad man.
" - All right, man.
- All right, thanks a lot.
- Take it easy.
- See you guys later.
- Have a good night.
- Bye.
I was wondering, like, would I be that bad-ass or would I just look like a fool if I had tats like that? - No, I think you'd look bad-ass.
Like, if your arms are covered as much as his were.
- Dude, with all your praise of his tattoos like, the one chance you had, you bailed.
What? When was that? - '95.
- Ooh.
Let's check these stock orders real quick.
Yeah, that can wait.
Wait, keep going.
He promised.
He said I remember, so steadfast, so vehemently, "if the devils win the cup this year I'm getting a devils tattoo.
" I remember when they won, I asked him if he was gonna get it and he's, like, "nah.
" And I said, "what the hell?" Like, "why would you chicken out?" And he said - I didn't chicken out.
- You did chicken out.
- I didn't chicken out.
- Bak-bak-bak-bak! - I did not chicken out! I just changed my mind! Somebody else changed his mind.
His wife bought him a video game if he wouldn't get the tattoo.
- No, no.
- That's what you told me.
It was a video game system! Now I remember this.
Yes, yes.
Do you ever regret not getting the tattoo? I just don't think I carry a tattoo.
I just don't project what a hard-ass projects when they got tattoos, you know? What if you got one right on your forehead, just said "killer.
" Um "I heart comics.
" That's even cooler.
How could you back down like that, though? The devils won the cup.
You know I hate to side with ming on anything.
But on this one - What's that sound? It sounds like a bird with no tattoos.
If I really wanted one, I wouldn't have to run it by my wife.
- Oh.
- That's for sure.
Okay.
How about we all get tattoos then? Let's put our money where our mouth is.
- You're gonna get a tattoo? - I will get a tattoo.
We all get tattoos.
I will get a tattoo.
All right, if you get one, I'll get one.
- You're really gonna get one? - What does that mean? Like, you think I'm not? I don't know, are you? Did I say I was? You get one, you get one, I'll get one.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
All right.
While we're all there you might as well grab one too while you're at it.
I'll go.
I don't have a wife to check with.
Must be nice.
I'm sure your wife will appreciate hearing that.
- You into green lantern? - Yes.
And this is actually the movie, uh, paraphernalia.
How much you looking for? Probably be looking at, uh You would never box a woman celebrity? Even for charity? Nope.
What if she was, like, in the press constantly? Like, "come on, Flanagan! Come on, Flanagan!" There's nothing to gain.
If I lose, I look foolish.
If I win, I look horrific.
- It's a no-win situation.
YeahOkay, I should box you then.
All right.
I'd box you and jet li at the same time.
- I don't I don't need jet li.
You're gonna beat me in a boxing match? - Yeah.
- You're crazy.
- I think he could beat you.
- He definitely could.
Oh, do you think he'd run around enough to wind you.
- Mm-hm.
And then you wouldn't be able to keep your arms up? Oh, I get out of breath, like, eating lunch.
Yeah.
He'll destroy me in two seconds.
- It's all over.
- You know what? I would cut all this off so I just had, like, the moustache.
- The handlebar? - Yeah, mm-hm.
- How you doing? - Hey, how you doin'? I'd be, like, knocking stuff out of people's hands.
Hey, real quick, before you get to that.
Who do you think would win in a fight, me or him? I'm gonna go with Asian, 'cause I gotta support the brothers.
- All right, yes.
- I gotta support the brothers.
- I love it.
- You're both racist.
You guys wanna actually talk about business? Or now, or.
.
? Yeah, that's a good idea.
All right.
You into green lantern? Yes.
This is actually the movie, uh, paraphernalia.
This is something I picked up years back.
Probably in the mid-90s.
The front areas are actually the fragile parts.
And it lights.
You know what green lantern was, right? He had a little ring.
Yes.
- He had a little ring and he power-charged into this battery and he'd go fight crime.
So what does he do? Green lantern flies around holding this, looking for bad guys and stuff? No, that power battery is actually just what he charges up the ring at.
The ring is the real weapon and - he has to charge his ring? - Yeah.
- That is how inconvenient.
- The power ring the Owen power ring.
Yeah.
We live in a world now where we charge everything.
- Yeah.
- Why is that? We're actually very programmed to be green lantern now.
Sometimes you forget, though.
Like, sometimes I forget to charge my cell phone.
You just do it before you go to bed.
How long does it take to charge? - As long as that poem? - As long as the poem? I think it's as long as the oath and what is it? "In brightest day and blackest night, "no evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who " ah, it's too much.
It's too much.
is really too long to wait to be, like, all-powerful? Ming is about to get his head ripped off by a super-villain, right? Okay We're going Five seconds, ming.
You got another seven seconds left.
I love that, you think that's too long.
We're still going.
- Yeah, but every superhero - We're still going.
Every superhero has limitations.
- We're still going I'm green lantern! Oh, there, he's done.
How much you looking for for the prop? This, uh, was one of the limited releases that came out in 2006.
Probably be looking at, uh About 280 on it.
It doesn't go for that much.
In truth I did, uh, see recently on Ebay someone did win one, I think unboxed for plus $250 range.
- At the highest end that I've seen these at right now I mean - Say it! - $87, $88.
- Okay it goes both ways.
I mean, you're not wrong that it can go for that, so Probably couldn't go over 60 bucks for this.
Okay, I'll have to decline.
But, you know, thanks for taking the time.
- Sorry, man.
- No problem.
Thanks, fellas.
See you later, man.
I'm sick of people coming in and thinking that they can get what they see online for.
I thought you'd be used to that by now.
You know what, you're the hot woman at the bar that's just constantly getting hit on.
Bad lines, you know, people buying you drinks then thinking they can take you home.
Thank God for people like you.
The hot women like you.
All right, guys.
I wanna see what the tattoo designs look like.
I wanna see what you guys are gonna get.
Where you're gonna get them.
What you guys are thinking about.
I'm going with a bad-ass Super-satanic Demon-head.
With his tongue hanging out, holding a Stanley cup.
Totally, like, satanic.
Like, people are gonna be, like, that guy dabbles in the black magic.
- That's pretty bad-ass.
What are you gonna do, ming? I always wanted the Jack knight "Starman" symbol.
What about something satanic? - I'm not - Yeah, is there a devil by it? I'm nowhere near satanic.
- Come on, you wanna look bad-ass, don't you? You don't wanna look like just a comic nerd.
- That is bad-ass.
I'm gonna stop short of agreeing with you there.
Well, you're gonna love the next one then.
I always thought about getting the Baltimore orioles mascot.
Remember back in '83, the cartoon bird? Why not get something that's really, like, personal to you, like the stash logo.
That's a huge commitment.
Um, you know, I love it here.
I don't plan on being here forever though.
- What? - Whoa! It sounds like he's giving notice.
I'm not giving notice.
Five years from now, you don't plan to be here? Walt, do you mind if I email you my resume? I got one other tattoo idea, it's a Chinese family seal.
Looks like something out of a fortune cookie.
So what, it's a crest? A seal? It's the Chen family seal.
It says "Chen" on there.
What do they use it for? It's an ancient way of, like, signing your documents.
Like, that's your official seal.
- This is pretty cool.
- You approve of it? I approve of this.
I don't consider myself a tat person by any stretch of the imagination.
But I got my wife's name when I was younger, man.
It says "Jenny's.
" And I always figured if she dumped me I'd just turn the "j" into a "d.
" And people would be, like, "I can see that.
" "He's down with the super bird.
" "He likes moons over my hammy.
" All right, so what are you getting Mike? What are you thinking about getting? I'm toying with the idea of a superhero logo.
And I see names around them.
Yeah, my wife.
Where are you gonna get it? Either down here on my rump, right here.
Or on my arm.
Like a tramp stamp? No! No, not center, over here.
That's pretty close, man.
That's too close for comfort, isn't it? Not too many people are gonna see it.
What about when you're bending over, like, helping somebody grab a comic? The shirt might pull up.
Before they would only have noticed your thong, but now Now they notice the tramp-stamp as well.
You wanna talk about manly? Tell them the first tattoo you got.
Well, the first one I ever got was, uh Calvin and Hobbes.
Again, sorry, we didn't quite hear that.
Yeah, slowly, slowly.
Calvin and Hobbes, the bill watterson cartoon.
- So in order to show what a bad-ass you were, like, "look at this kid!" He's got an imaginary friend!" Um, all right, so this dude's talking about putting a scene out of the exorcist.
- Right.
- You've got Calvin and Hobbes.
What are you gonna add to it? I'm going for a tattoo of my niece.
I'm swept up in the zombie fever just like everybody else so it's gonna be a picture of her as a zombie.
Riding her tricycle.
You're not serious, right? Yeah, no, she loves zombies.
I love zombies, she loves zombies, we love zombies together.
That's what we bond over.
Ooh, that is a tough one though, because it's, like, on one hand you're, like, "it's my niece.
" - Mm-hm.
Then on the other hand you have to explain, "it's my niece, dead.
" Well Living dead.
- Where's it going? - Right here.
I'm gonna do it right here.
- Can I be 100% honest with you? - Are you ever anything less? Worst, worst idea I've ever heard come out of your mouth.
Really? - It's so it's such in poor taste, man.
It's, like, bad taste to the tenth degree.
To whom, though? To get a dead child put on your arm.
There's no coming back from that, man.
When you put it like that, it actually sounds even more metal.
Why are you selling these Barbies? It's hard because, you know, I've had them for so long.
So is it a done deal? UmMmm How come you don't sell whoopee cushions in this store? It's not a novelty store.
You don't think they provide the same degree of hilarity and enjoyment that they did 40 years ago? I mean, how much money can you really make? How many whoopee cushions you think you could really sell? - And therefore sell-out the integrity of the store? I'm not worried about integrity.
If I thought I could bring us in some money, I'd stock it.
It would be only whoopee cushions.
You know, like, if it was, like, pokemon '98.
- Yeah.
- Whoopee cushions, 2011.
I would have no problem doing that.
- Hey.
- Hey, how you doing? - Good, how are you? - All right.
Um, well, I have a couple things that I think maybe you might be interested in.
Sure.
If you wanna take a look at them.
- I'll take a look at them.
- Okay! Hmm.
- Barbies.
- Wonder-Barbies.
All my superhero Barbies.
- Batgirl.
- Oh, wow, Barbies.
With lunchboxes.
So all you have is Barbies? Yeah, that's all I've got.
Why are you selling these Barbies? - I have too much stuff.
- Too much stuff? I'm trying to minimize it so I can buy more More stuff.
So yeah, unfortunately Barbies and, uh, the secret stash are not we're not "A-Ken" to Barbie, get it? - Mm-hm.
Yeah, clever.
You two should be paying for that.
I won't carry Barbies in the stash.
Neanderthal.
Why, why? Because Barbies don't belong in the stash.
Girl toy! Boy toys! - I just don't feel it belongs - but if she's dressed like batgirl, then she belongs in the stash.
It's such a reach.
But if she's dressed like a superhero, she earns a place at the table, no? Underneath you're still a Barbie.
Ooh.
That hurts, that's gotta hurt.
Barbie rolls a tear.
I think that's so weird that you're, like, "Barbie doesn't cross the she shall not pass!" Stop Barbie at the door.
What about Ken dressed as han solo? It's still a Ken doll.
What about Ken dressed as a G.
I.
Robot? Like, they go real obscure into D.
C.
history? - It's still a robot.
- Really? - I mean, it's still - G.
I.
Robot Ken? You wouldn't be, like, "all right, man, they tried.
" What if it was kryptonite Ken? A Ken made entirely of kryptonite? - I might buy that.
- A-ha! What are you looking for? I don't wanna lead them on that I might even be interested.
- How much are you looking for? - On the sly.
Well, um, what I was looking for, um, online.
They were, like, $40 a piece or they had three of them for, like, $75.
I mean, to me, these are worth way more than $40 a piece.
Just because it's, you know, it's something that I - your nostalgic feelings from childhood.
Yeah.
- Is what what gets the market.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, I see.
- But yeah, they were about they were running around, um what about would you break 'em up? If I were to take two off your hands? What are you gonna do with two Barbies? - I have a five-year-old niece and she's into dolls and stuff.
- Is she into wonder woman? - Superheroes.
She might be.
You mentioned a price of $40 earlier.
Yes.
So what would you, uh? Um Mm Come on, girl, I can make it real easy.
- Yes.
- $25 each.
$25 each.
As I crack my knuckles.
That way you don't have to sell them online.
You don't have to pack them up.
You don't have to have somebody turn around and be, like, "oh, I never got them!" Yeah, it's hard because I've had them for so long and it's just, like - how long could you have had these? Yeah, what year did they come out? - They just came out probably.
- What? 2003.
Oh, my goodness.
That's almost ten years, people.
You've had these for almost ten years.
She's very emotionally attached.
The attachment.
I get attached to something that I buy, like, this year.
Hold on a second, I'll show you a picture of the little kid it's going to and then you tell me if 25 is too much.
It'll be out of the box.
There she is.
You wanna tell her? - Aw! - Ooh! - You gonna tell her? - No, mm-mm.
So is it a done deal? The twoFor $50? - Yes, yes.
- All right.
- Yes.
- I'm so proud of you.
I'm a master negotiator, and they should have me behind that counter.
Okay, so they were going for $40, and you got them down to $25? - 25 a piece.
- Not bad, man.
So you went from 80 to 50 bucks.
- Mm-hm.
- Master negotiator.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
They're probably cackling 'cause they just came from the store where they bought them two for ten bucks.
I think I ripped him off.
We got this pigeon.
Get them out of here before a customer shows up.
Is it all right if I sell them? Like, if somebody offers me something while I'm walking around? Dude, it's not gonna happen.
- You really gonna do this? - Of course.
Were there any last minute pleading from any of your wives? - Yeah.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- What'd she say? If you're really gonna do this, let me get a look at you, you know, perfect before, uh Pfft, perfect! Look, your feet don't even hit the floor.
Oh.
He looks like lily tomlin when she used to sit in that giant chair.
So we're just waiting for Walt, huh? I don't think he's coming.
You gotta be kidding me.
Who needs him? Who needs Flanagan? - It's unbelievable, man.
- Are you gonna back out? We got a little brotherly triangle going on right here.
He was part of the reason I was gonna do it, though.
Put it in his face.
Any time he starts giving you crap about anything pfft! "Remember that?" He shuts up.
"You shut up, Flanagan.
" This is something that you can hang over him.
Yeah.
Forever, permanently.
Exactly.
Just for that it'll be worth it.
- Ready? - I'm ready.
- Let's rock.
- All right.
After you.
That slide in That's intimidating.
Was that some sort of, like, Alpha dog move? In my store? - What's up, guys? - How's it going? - What's goin' on? - How you doin'? - What's goin' on? - Nothing much, man.
I, uh you know, I've walked here a few times.
I saw you walking back and forth out there.
- Yeah.
- I was about to call the cops.
I've got a couple of things that I think you guys might be interested in.
I've just got some figures.
Ooh! - Batman.
- Yeah.
- Hm.
- The target exclusives, huh? Yeah.
What do these remind you of? Oh, Mego's.
The legendary Mego line of the '70s.
About ten years ago all the chains were doing exclusives.
I mean toys were, like, off the chain.
It was like printing money.
- From the mid-90s forward there was a boom.
Yes.
Target or Wal-Mart would have an exclusive figure that can only be purchased at their store.
Right.
- And target had these Batman Mego-li figures.
They wearing cloth outfits and stuff? - Yes.
- Oh.
This was a way for them to try to test the market to see if kids would flock back to the Mego style of figures.
Why are you getting rid of them? I like them a lot, but I've got a storage shed full of old comics and transformers and stuff like that so I'm just trying to downsize and see if I can make some cash in the meantime.
All right, what are you looking for for this set of three? I would say they're worth 50 each.
- Okay.
- So 150.
But, you know, I know you've gotta sell them so if I could get 100 out of them I'd be happy.
They're not that rare and not that expensive.
I mean, obviously the Batman one is the harder to find.
If you had bought three Batmans, you'd be sitting in the money.
You and your wife would be dining on filet mignon tonight.
'Cause, I mean I know what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna sell Batman, uh, by the end of the week.
Joker will probably go too but penguin basically is the red-headed stepchild of these because - oh, really? - Because nobody cares.
- Nobody liked the penguin? - No one cares about penguin.
- No.
- Why don't people like penguin? He's just not sexy.
He's just a fat old man in a tuxedo.
There's nothing about him cool.
I don't know, man.
Imagine my boy with a top hat and a monocle.
- See? - And a pointier nose.
The penguin figure is basically unmovable.
- Why? Why is it the only fat guy in comics nobody wants or likes, man? It's just like kickball all over again.
Ten years ago I probably could have got, like, Not today.
The toy market I think's definitely shrunk.
I can only offer you Whew.
- I know it's not much of a - It's pretty short from 100.
- Of a payday for you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but they're depreciating every minute you sit there and think about it, price is going down.
All right.
Let's talk 40.
That slide in of the penguin That's intimidating.
Is that some sort of, like, Alpha dog move? In my store? I think they come as a set.
They come as a set and go as a set.
You should be on your back right now showing your belly showing him your underside.
- Um, 25 bucks.
- 25 bucks? Bucks.
It's cold over here and lonely and penguin needs to be back with his family.
I could do 38 for all three.
I could do I'm going down now.
Yeah, you're right.
You look perplexed.
Every time that you try to force that penguin on me, I'm gonna take it down a dollar.
So we're at 22 for just these two.
- No, we're at 21 now.
- 21? You can't figure me out.
Okay so essentially you're doing a bugs bunny-daffy duck on him right now.
- Duck season-rabbit season.
- It was a slow day, obviously.
- Obviously.
I'm not and now just no more kidding around.
- 25 for all three? - 25 for all three.
I could go 30.
I could go as low as 30.
You can go as low as 30? Ugh How about 28? All right, 29.
Under 30 just feels good.
You got a good deal, you got a good deal.
Thank you, sir.
All right, man.
- Have a good one.
- Take it easy.
- This your first tattoo, Mike? - Yes, sir.
All right, man, a virgin.
Love the virgins.
Okay.
So you nervous? Yeah, a little bit.
It's my first one.
I keep hearing it's addictive.
Very true.
I'm worried about one day getting covered.
Mm, could happen.
You want me to take a little bit of the beard off too? AahNah, that's all right.
You ready? I'm ready.
Before you start, you ever have any mishaps? No, no, no.
Like a misspelling or anything? No.
Never? We try not to do that.
All right, let's go.
All right, here goes.
Your wife's name with an "ie" or a "y?" I'm It's not funny.
So you guys all work in a comic book store together? Yeah, me and him do.
The bearded guy over there he just kinda comes and hangs out.
He's not really officially an employee.
Yeah, we have those around here too.
Anybody get any, uh, superhero tattoos? Oh, all the time.
We get the Supermans, the Batmans, the ider-mans.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, I guess.
I had this kid come in one time and he wanted, um, a superman symbol on his chest.
It was his first tattoo.
Soon as I put the needle he's, like, whoa! It was done.
I go, bro, you picked the wrong tattoo to get.
You picked the superman symbol, and you're bailing out on the tattoo 'cause of the pain.
Right, yeah.
You're supposed to be superman.
"Man of steel" you're not.
How you holding up, Miguel? I'm doing well, thanks.
How you feeling over there? It doesn't feel that bad at all.
You might discover a whole new world, man.
Like, you like pain.
Next thing you know, you're out looking for that next fix.
Getting your ass beat by some dominatrix.
Yeah, it would depend on the woman.
What do you require in a dominatrix? I had no idea that you've thought out preferences.
Tough but loving.
So she dresses you down and then, like, cradles you in her arms afterwards? - Yeah, and then we go out and, you know yeah, we go have dinner at a nice place afterwards.
You know what? I've never had a dominatrix, so I can't say.
Maybe that's what you need.
A woman to whip you into shape.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Maybe.
Literally.
Ho-ho-ho! Who said that? Who said that? I'm starting to really, really think.
- Don't.
- Walt's not coming.
Yeah, you think? I'm gonna officially give up hope on him.
Uh, you know what? I think I have too.
You gotta dress him down, man.
- Oh, I will.
- You gotta give it to him.
You gotta turn the tables on him this time.
I will.
It's gonna be pretty sweet too.
Where were you, man? You never showed up.
What happened? Um - Just admit to me and to everyone at this table - all right.
That you're one big, rotten chicken.
I have to say, uh, ming respect gaugeBoom! Through the roof.
Flanagan, pfft.
Walt's out.
All right, ming? I like it.
Let's overthrow him.
There might have to be a coup d'etat, Mike.
Mike runs the stash.
You're his second in command.
Yeah.
And now I'm you.
I don't like this employed feeling.
It's weird.
Yeah, you're quitting already? I don't know if this is gonna work.
Jim Lee signature on this one, huh? - Yep.
- How'd you get that? My mom flirted with the security guard at my first comic book convention.
My mom was the greatest supporter of my comic habit.
But thank God she didn't have to do that.
Now Walt, you always maintained that the munsters were a little more kid-friendly as a like, a monster show.
That was my soap box for about a year or two.
The Addams family was just a little bit more creepier.
You had Uncle fester who was really weird looking.
Putting light bulbs in his mouth, doing weird stuff.
What else was he putting in his mouth, do you know? What would Freud say? Orally fixated, yeah.
Hey, how you doing? I'm looking to sell some books.
What do you got? I got a bunch of cool stuff.
Yeah, you got some old stuff, huh? - Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh.
You know what this is, right? It's the key book of the '70s.
I'm definitely interested in this one.
You know you look like kirk Cameron? I got that a lot.
- Oh, look at this X-Men number one.
Jim Lee signature on this one, huh? - Yep.
- How'd you get that? Um, my mom flirted with the security guard at my first comic book convention.
Bumped me up to the head of the line.
- How old were you? - I was about 14.
I've always maintained my mom was the greatest supporter of my comic habit.
But thank God she didn't have to do that.
Grandma gave up the ass so I could meet Stan Lee.
Oh, "killing joke.
" Yeah, you remember this one, right, Bry? Did you have this one? No, but I remember it coming out and you and kev buying multiple copies of it.
That's right.
It was quite the wall-book back in the day.
It still is.
It's still a very historically significant issue.
I don't think you can take away the impact that Alan Moore, Brian Bolland had in the Batman mythes.
I mean, this is the issue that they crippled batgirl.
I remember more about you and kev in the backseat as I drove.
Oh, she's crippled! Oh, comics! Whoo! Oh, you even have the Ditko Mr.
a stuff.
This is awesome.
You don't see this very often.
It's almost like a newspaper.
What is Mr.
a? Mr.
a was one of the very first independent books.
Steve Ditko had left mainstream and put out a side project called Mr.
a who was the precursor to the question.
- To the question, right? - Right.
Who's your favorite Ditko character? - Uh, question.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
- He's definitely my favorite.
Wow.
You're like the son I never had, man.
Wanna go get a cup of coffee? Hey, you jealous back there? 'Cause you don't know what we're talking about, right? - Sure.
- This bugs you every time somebody comes in and knows about comics, the jokes come out.
You get that big smile on your face, like, "I wish you were my friend instead of Bry.
" New model rolls up, suddenly the old model looking a little worse for wear.
- Mm-hm, a couple of days.
- Yeah.
A couple? - This guy, he just was starry-eyed.
You know, I'm buttering the guy up a little bit.
I'm setting him up to be, like, an elk.
Unaware, just sip that water as I creep up behind you.
And then mate with you.
What are you looking for for these four? What are you thinking for them? - This is gonna be a throw-in for me personally, because I just want to read it and, um, it probably isn't worth that much in the condition it's in with the staining.
Yeah.
Uh, killing joke, um, the best I could do is 10 bucks for this one.
Whatever number we come in on, it's gonna be based on these two.
- Okay.
- What do you think, Mike? - 425? - Yeah, for all of them.
Cue mom.
To work her magic.
Oh, hello, boys.
At that, I don't think I could let those go.
What about 450? It's only, like, 25 bucks more.
What are you looking for? It would probably be No, not for that price.
But I'm really interested in this.
Can I buy this off you for a buck? - For a buck? - Yeah.
I bought it for 5.
All right, you just lost 80%.
What about 12 for the pair? - Mr.
a and "the killing joke.
" - Yeah.
- And a handshake? - And a handshake.
And a hug? And a hug.
- Okay.
- Oh, wow, oh.
Sealed with a hug as most businesses these days.
- A hug! - God, was it awkward looking.
- The sweet talk paid off, man.
- It did.
See? See what he does? He knows what he's doing.
Sometimes you gotta know when to go into a little bit of a soft touch and then you go into another guy with a hard touch.
It all depends on who you're touching.
I've never gotten a soft touch in my life.
- Anything from Walt yet? - Not a word.
I emailed him.
I haven't heard from him either.
Maybe something's really wrong.
What if our friend is dead? - There he is.
- He is alive.
- Where the hell were you? - I thought we had a date.
- What are you talking about? - Yesterday.
Where the hell were you? Oh, wait, let me take a guess you were at the toy store.
Holding your wife's hand, buying a video game system.
Wait a minute.
You guys really went and got tattoos.
You thought I was serious? - You backed out.
- Honestly.
Honestly, tell me what happened.
Did you really think I was coming? I found it just stunning that they believed that I was gonna go through with it at all.
I had no intention of ever going.
And the whole thing was predicated upon him going, like, "remember back in 1995?" And then you two bozos chiming in.
I was, like, you know how I'm gonna fix your two asses? I'm gonna throw a challenge down and you're gonna be stupid enough to believe it and go there and get tattoos.
This is the part of the movie where the villain tells you his plan.
You're angry I assume.
Oh, I'm very angry.
A real man does what he says he's gonna do.
- So that's all is that all I've lost? I've lost your respect? You're almost at the point where you don't get to tell me what to do any more.
- Whoa! Ho-ho-ho! You hear when he said it, though? His voice cracked! The boy's voice is quivering, I'll give you that.
I can't believe he got the words out, though.
I like this new ming.
All right, man.
We've heard about them.
Uh, we've talked about them.
We've lamented getting them.
We fought over them almost.
Can I see them? Can I see the tattoos? I mean, this is the part of the story where you're, like, "I put them on my wiener.
" Where'd you put the tattoos and can I see them? On our wieners.
Where'd you get yours? I got mine on the back shoulder here.
- Let's see.
- You wanna see it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- All right.
There it is.
Oh, that's good! It's a Chinese family seal that my grandmother designed.
- Good, man.
- Pretty bad-ass, right? Yeah, yeah, it's red.
You gotta put some stuff on that.
It's infected.
I didn't wanna worry him, but yeah, it looks pretty bad.
Zap, what'd you get? Uh, my wife's name in scrimshaw.
That's awesome, dude.
Look at that, man.
As much as I was leaning towards the superman, I love my wife more.
Well, that's good, I mean you gotta say that? Yeah, it is kind of one of those things, like, "give me a pat on the back for doing what's right.
" Good job, Mike, good job.
All right, we covered these cats.
What did you decide to go with? It's zombie sagie riding a tricycle.
Oh, my God, look at the commitment.
Dude, it's your arm.
It's a sleeve for heaven's sake.
And it's got T.
E.
S.
D.
In the middle.
- A little "tell 'em Steve-Dave" shirt.
That is awesome.
Did you show your niece? I did.
Little kid! Bryan! Hi.
Hello, what are you doing? - I'm a zombie.
- You're a zombie? - Yes.
- Oh.
Did I tell you? Do you like zombies? Do you want me to show you a picture of zombie sagie? You do? Okay.
You ready? Yes.
Zombie sagie.
- The zombie's me.
- That is you.
She loves it.
I know.
I was sweatin' it a little bit.
Really? See, you're riding your bike.
Unh.
Okay, we'll go get something to eat, okay? You like zombies? Say, "Walt I love zombies.
" Walt, raah! Ready? You wanna go? Okay.
- All right, be back in a half-hour.
Come on, man.
This ain't no hour lunch break.
Okay, thanks for pretending I'm employed in front of her.
Bye, Walt.
- Bye-bye.
Bye.
Well, man, it's kind of amazing.
You guys all went out and got some ink that'll be on your bodies until you go to the grave.
It'll be on your bodies even afterwards.
Um, it started as what seemed like a bonding exercise but ended in a real big comeuppance.
Some feelings were hurt, there was a lot of confusion.
But I think we all learned something.
I can't believe it, man, but that's it for another episode of comic book men.
Thanks for hanging out with us listening to the tales, the Wooly adventures, in the world of retail and four color images.
I'm Kevin Smith.
Walt Flanagan.
- Bryan Johnson.
- Ming Chen.
And Michael Zapcic.
May the force be with you, kids.
Good night.