Con Man (2015) s01e06 Episode Script
A Fluid Thing
Meanwhile, on "Con Man" There is a doll convention? I'm in the wrong hotel! - No, I'm in the right hotel.
- You're here for the sci-fi convention? The gay thing, it's an act to bring in the ladies! From "Serenity".
It was a great tv show.
Well "Serenity" was the movie.
- The television show was "Firefly".
- That's good stuff.
Kekokekokekokei! - Hello beautiful.
- Hello beautiful.
Con Man - Episode 6 - "Fluid Thing" No, no, no, no Look, she's the only woman under 60 in the hotel carrying around a baby doll.
No, she's not a child.
She's a woman.
Did you see Battlestar Galactica? Yeah, the new one She looks just like that hot, hot cylon.
No, the other one.
The other one The other one.
The other one.
The other one.
No, that no She was a cylon? Oh, right It got really confusing in the later seasons Listen, it doesn't matter.
I just need to send her a bottle of wine to apologize for insulting the memory of her dead baby.
Hello? Did you Hello? - No service.
No serv - What Why aren't you ready? We've got that meeting with that action figure guy.
- You have a key to my room? - I overpacked.
You stored things in my closet? I didn't know what costume I was gonna wear for the contest, so I brought backup.
Oh, good Here it is.
- Hold this.
- Oh, Jesus Hold it, please.
- What the hell is this? - Oh, I don't know You have an alien in my closet? Yeah, well I'm sure there's other things in there too we don't know about.
What are you getting into costume now for? What? Just Bobbie looking like Bobbie.
I'd say you're Bobbie looking like Luis Guzman.
Oh, I see You're upset! Because I have two suitors and you have none.
Alright, Sean Maher's gay.
Leslie Jordan is He's gay.
I mean, he might be bicurious, - bi-unlikely.
- Wray Sexuality is a fluid thing.
A viscous translucent fluid Whose smell is largely dictated - by its diet.
- So glad I haven't eaten.
Wray? It's Leslie.
Leslie, hey - Hey.
- I need to talk to you about your manager.
Me? Well look at you Look at us Hey, what is your Political persuasion? I'm just wondering Well I am Totally liberal.
My mind is so open that I'm afraid shit's gonna fall out of it when I bend over.
And I love The gays.
Oh, I don't love the gays Oh, you don't? I - They make me very angry! - Yeah Where do you guys get off besides on each other's backs? Well, I A gay Stand in front of you mocking your impotent authority! Yet I am strangely attracted What am I saying? I Just meet me! In the hotel bar Six o'clock So I can just understand how Oh boy, yes My levee is just about to burst Your levee gonna burst! - Like Katrina Oh, that's awful! - That's alright.
- I like bad! - You're awful! You're awful! Goddamn! Goodbye? I could hear everything you were saying.
Everything.
Levees about to break? Leslie Hey Wray - Hey, Sean.
- Hi.
I need to talk to you about your manager.
Who, me? Hello How are you? Hmm, just hangin' Congratulations again on your win last night.
Did I mention how Courageous I think you are? You can say it again.
It is scary To be extraordinary.
Most people try and hide that part of themselves But you you embrace your true self.
In the face Of enormous Opposition.
- You are - Horny.
Courageous.
These are amazing.
Are they Are they new? Used.
You bought Pre-owned - Bra Tits.
- Tits.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter I see the real you.
The one inside.
I mean, the one outside is great Too.
I see a A beautiful woman, with a Cute little moustache And ample used Boobs.
But It is the person Inside That I have to see tonight.
How about 7? Meet me at the hotel bar.
Alright.
Goodbye? Wray, you're gonna have to meet with that action figure Guy on your own.
I've gotta shave.
Do not use my razor! - Does this razor work on armpits? - No! Do you have another razor? - Ron Slackskin? - There he is! In person! It's really weird.
Because this Looks exactly like you.
- Well that's great.
Can I see it? - Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But first This Is a true action figure.
- Okay - It has an action arm.
So you push a button on its back, and it slams its hand down! I'll see you in hell! - It says that? - No, I just Say that when it does it.
- I'll see you in hell! - Okay I'll see you in hell! - You you keep saying it.
Stop saying it.
- I'll see you in hell! Oh, sorry.
Can I see it? Yeah People kept asking me why I made this figure.
They bring up your coloring, the worst selling G.
I.
Joe figure in history.
Ginger Joe.
- Code name, Sunstroke.
- Yeah, he came with a like A floppy hat and a - A mole checking kit.
- Yes.
No, I Owned one.
It also came with a gun.
And some sunscreen.
Well, the doll that I made you Is awesome.
Manly.
Thank you.
I can't wait to see it.
Well, I'm nervous for you to see it.
You don't like it.
This is amazing.
Are you kidding me? - Ron! - Really? You are an artist! Oh, come on Oh, my god Oh, my god! It looks just like He comes with a gun, and a knife! And his arm I will see you in hell! Yeah! There you go! Now look, that one is yours.
Unbelievable! You get 100 bucks for every one you sign, I made 1000 And we've had insane presales.
Holy shit That's amazing! So, I'll see you at my booth.
We start signing in 20 minutes.
Okay, I will see you there, or in hell! That's good.
Wow Well, hello there, mister! - Handsome! - Thank you very much.
Nice to meet you.
My name is Wray.
My name is Wray, Wray Wray.
Your name is Wray Wray? Yes, that is a my name.
I'm a now kiss you on the face.
Wow.
Where are you from? You have an accent.
Yes, I was born in Japan.
That's not a Japanese accent.
Uh, you want a cookie? You want something to eat? Are you hungry? You've been in your box Ah poo I don't want this! It's nasty to me! It's a store bought bullshit cookie! I want something from the set of a big budget movie! We'll get there.
You're number one actor.
You will have everything in life.
You'll have money.
- Yeah? - Yes! Better cookies Yes! And women.
Women, women! Women all the time! I like I like women.
Yes - Oh, hi - Is that an action figure of you? Yeah That's hot.
Wray Wray Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to see the oddity, to see the freak of nature, Mr.
Wray Nerely! Come get your signed autograph action figure of Cash! Can't hear now Okay Hi everybody! I will see you in hell! - I think Ron here has really outdone himself.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Ron.
Look at that face.
I named mine Wray Wray Wray Wray, you want to say anything to everybody? I'm shy Yes, protect me from too many people It's strange in groups Okay Okay, who here Wants to adopt one of their own? We have 3 left.
- What? - Well, all of these presold online.
No, look Just sell them to the people Who are here! Yeah, but The people online already bought them for a premium.
We have Oh, wait another sale We have one left Nope, sold out.
How about the one you're holding? I'll pay a premium for it.
No, no No, this one is mine.
700 bucks? 700 bucks.
700, 700 725, 725 who's gonna go 7 750, 750 You, down there, over there, that wizard man Alright, 800! 825, I'm jumping to 900 - Stop! Stop this, Bobbie, stop.
- 900! I'm jumping to 925 This is not gonna happen, no.
I'm I'm not selling.
1000 dollars for it! He is not an it! And he's mine.
Get out of my way.
Louise Louise! Excuse me Louise! Lou - Louise! - Alright 1000 dollars to the man in green! - Thank you very much! Enjoy! - Somebody bought that action figure already.
That one got lost in the mail.
- You're here for the sci-fi convention? The gay thing, it's an act to bring in the ladies! From "Serenity".
It was a great tv show.
Well "Serenity" was the movie.
- The television show was "Firefly".
- That's good stuff.
Kekokekokekokei! - Hello beautiful.
- Hello beautiful.
Con Man - Episode 6 - "Fluid Thing" No, no, no, no Look, she's the only woman under 60 in the hotel carrying around a baby doll.
No, she's not a child.
She's a woman.
Did you see Battlestar Galactica? Yeah, the new one She looks just like that hot, hot cylon.
No, the other one.
The other one The other one.
The other one.
The other one.
No, that no She was a cylon? Oh, right It got really confusing in the later seasons Listen, it doesn't matter.
I just need to send her a bottle of wine to apologize for insulting the memory of her dead baby.
Hello? Did you Hello? - No service.
No serv - What Why aren't you ready? We've got that meeting with that action figure guy.
- You have a key to my room? - I overpacked.
You stored things in my closet? I didn't know what costume I was gonna wear for the contest, so I brought backup.
Oh, good Here it is.
- Hold this.
- Oh, Jesus Hold it, please.
- What the hell is this? - Oh, I don't know You have an alien in my closet? Yeah, well I'm sure there's other things in there too we don't know about.
What are you getting into costume now for? What? Just Bobbie looking like Bobbie.
I'd say you're Bobbie looking like Luis Guzman.
Oh, I see You're upset! Because I have two suitors and you have none.
Alright, Sean Maher's gay.
Leslie Jordan is He's gay.
I mean, he might be bicurious, - bi-unlikely.
- Wray Sexuality is a fluid thing.
A viscous translucent fluid Whose smell is largely dictated - by its diet.
- So glad I haven't eaten.
Wray? It's Leslie.
Leslie, hey - Hey.
- I need to talk to you about your manager.
Me? Well look at you Look at us Hey, what is your Political persuasion? I'm just wondering Well I am Totally liberal.
My mind is so open that I'm afraid shit's gonna fall out of it when I bend over.
And I love The gays.
Oh, I don't love the gays Oh, you don't? I - They make me very angry! - Yeah Where do you guys get off besides on each other's backs? Well, I A gay Stand in front of you mocking your impotent authority! Yet I am strangely attracted What am I saying? I Just meet me! In the hotel bar Six o'clock So I can just understand how Oh boy, yes My levee is just about to burst Your levee gonna burst! - Like Katrina Oh, that's awful! - That's alright.
- I like bad! - You're awful! You're awful! Goddamn! Goodbye? I could hear everything you were saying.
Everything.
Levees about to break? Leslie Hey Wray - Hey, Sean.
- Hi.
I need to talk to you about your manager.
Who, me? Hello How are you? Hmm, just hangin' Congratulations again on your win last night.
Did I mention how Courageous I think you are? You can say it again.
It is scary To be extraordinary.
Most people try and hide that part of themselves But you you embrace your true self.
In the face Of enormous Opposition.
- You are - Horny.
Courageous.
These are amazing.
Are they Are they new? Used.
You bought Pre-owned - Bra Tits.
- Tits.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter I see the real you.
The one inside.
I mean, the one outside is great Too.
I see a A beautiful woman, with a Cute little moustache And ample used Boobs.
But It is the person Inside That I have to see tonight.
How about 7? Meet me at the hotel bar.
Alright.
Goodbye? Wray, you're gonna have to meet with that action figure Guy on your own.
I've gotta shave.
Do not use my razor! - Does this razor work on armpits? - No! Do you have another razor? - Ron Slackskin? - There he is! In person! It's really weird.
Because this Looks exactly like you.
- Well that's great.
Can I see it? - Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But first This Is a true action figure.
- Okay - It has an action arm.
So you push a button on its back, and it slams its hand down! I'll see you in hell! - It says that? - No, I just Say that when it does it.
- I'll see you in hell! - Okay I'll see you in hell! - You you keep saying it.
Stop saying it.
- I'll see you in hell! Oh, sorry.
Can I see it? Yeah People kept asking me why I made this figure.
They bring up your coloring, the worst selling G.
I.
Joe figure in history.
Ginger Joe.
- Code name, Sunstroke.
- Yeah, he came with a like A floppy hat and a - A mole checking kit.
- Yes.
No, I Owned one.
It also came with a gun.
And some sunscreen.
Well, the doll that I made you Is awesome.
Manly.
Thank you.
I can't wait to see it.
Well, I'm nervous for you to see it.
You don't like it.
This is amazing.
Are you kidding me? - Ron! - Really? You are an artist! Oh, come on Oh, my god Oh, my god! It looks just like He comes with a gun, and a knife! And his arm I will see you in hell! Yeah! There you go! Now look, that one is yours.
Unbelievable! You get 100 bucks for every one you sign, I made 1000 And we've had insane presales.
Holy shit That's amazing! So, I'll see you at my booth.
We start signing in 20 minutes.
Okay, I will see you there, or in hell! That's good.
Wow Well, hello there, mister! - Handsome! - Thank you very much.
Nice to meet you.
My name is Wray.
My name is Wray, Wray Wray.
Your name is Wray Wray? Yes, that is a my name.
I'm a now kiss you on the face.
Wow.
Where are you from? You have an accent.
Yes, I was born in Japan.
That's not a Japanese accent.
Uh, you want a cookie? You want something to eat? Are you hungry? You've been in your box Ah poo I don't want this! It's nasty to me! It's a store bought bullshit cookie! I want something from the set of a big budget movie! We'll get there.
You're number one actor.
You will have everything in life.
You'll have money.
- Yeah? - Yes! Better cookies Yes! And women.
Women, women! Women all the time! I like I like women.
Yes - Oh, hi - Is that an action figure of you? Yeah That's hot.
Wray Wray Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to see the oddity, to see the freak of nature, Mr.
Wray Nerely! Come get your signed autograph action figure of Cash! Can't hear now Okay Hi everybody! I will see you in hell! - I think Ron here has really outdone himself.
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Ron.
Look at that face.
I named mine Wray Wray Wray Wray, you want to say anything to everybody? I'm shy Yes, protect me from too many people It's strange in groups Okay Okay, who here Wants to adopt one of their own? We have 3 left.
- What? - Well, all of these presold online.
No, look Just sell them to the people Who are here! Yeah, but The people online already bought them for a premium.
We have Oh, wait another sale We have one left Nope, sold out.
How about the one you're holding? I'll pay a premium for it.
No, no No, this one is mine.
700 bucks? 700 bucks.
700, 700 725, 725 who's gonna go 7 750, 750 You, down there, over there, that wizard man Alright, 800! 825, I'm jumping to 900 - Stop! Stop this, Bobbie, stop.
- 900! I'm jumping to 925 This is not gonna happen, no.
I'm I'm not selling.
1000 dollars for it! He is not an it! And he's mine.
Get out of my way.
Louise Louise! Excuse me Louise! Lou - Louise! - Alright 1000 dollars to the man in green! - Thank you very much! Enjoy! - Somebody bought that action figure already.
That one got lost in the mail.