Crawford (2018) s01e06 Episode Script
Who's That Girl?
1 Previously on "Crawford" Are you okay? My roommate, she's high as shit, eating bleach pods and frothing at the mouth, starts punching me in the face, so I punch her back! - Anyways, she's moving out.
- So you need a roommate.
I'm movin' in with Rita, Brian.
RITA: Rule #1, no friends allowed, ever.
Why? Dad's gonna freak! DON: We're makin' a difference, man, we're savin' raccoons! Well, what about making a difference in your brother's life? If you leave, my game will be so shook.
(IN UNISON) Rockaberry Fruit Drones! Scale down that fruity stuff, focus on the wheat.
- Wheat Rock Drones.
- That is so cool.
I love it.
Let's make it happen! VERN: Taylor, the Froot Loops jacket's missing.
- I got it.
- Yes.
BRIAN: Mom, I lost the jacket.
CYNTHIA: You're kidding.
How are things with Darren? WENDY: I know that you think he's a loser.
- What? - We're great, Mom.
What's up? (FOOTSTEPS THUD, CABLES RATTLE) (RACCOON PURRS) Brian, check this out, man.
Toss the cable from the middle, all right, loop, loop, loop, this way the cable develops a memory and it always lies flat, okay? Who cares about memory, okay? I'm never gonna need to know this, how to wrap XLR's properly.
What if I go on tour with the new record, okay, and I'm lookin' for a roadie who can wrap cables? Right? I'd want my brother, man, I'd want you.
Don't take this wrong way, but I hope things don't work out for you at Rita's 'cause I dunno why you'd wanna leave this place.
Brian, I'm 28, man, I can't live at home.
Yeah, well, I know 28 year olds who are still livin' at home, rockin' it.
Bryce, Bryce, no calls.
Yes, I will tell her the tickets are booked.
Thank you.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh hey.
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER, KEYS CLACK) - (PHONE RINGS) - Hi, Vern.
Cynthia, I'm so sorry to bug you about this again, but any luck on the jacket? Anyone heard anything? No, no, no, no, Vern, you cannot just saunter in here with your phone tricks and try to get some alone time with Cynthia.
Okay, you have to remember the protocol: you check in with me, we make an appointment.
We know this, right, Vern? Yeah, I'm sorry, I knew that I'm - It's okay.
- Just Vern, I'm gonna try to help you find that Froot Loops jacket.
Don't worry, okay? And hey, if we can't find it, maybe we can find someone who can make you a new one.
Yeah, I'll make you a new one.
No-no thanks.
That's the Froot Loops jacket I won at the sales conference.
1983, Florida.
Oh yeah, Taylor told us all about it.
Yeah.
You closed three cereal markets in one weekend, and after the smoke cleared, 7 million.
I mean, everybody knows about the famous - Vern 7-million-dollar weekend.
- Oh yeah.
- Taylor told you about that? - Yeah.
Vern, Taylor tells everyone about that.
He brags about you all the time.
Well, it was a big sale.
Very big.
And you know what, I need to mention to you, I need to take next week off, you know, just try to catch up with you and your sales records.
But we are gonna find your Froot Loops jacket.
Okay? 5 days notice.
Don't worry about the jacket.
And uh take the whole week off.
- Love you, Vern! - I love you.
(BLOWS KISS) (PHONE RINGS) Thanks, Vern, I have a lot of paperwork to do.
See ya later.
DON: Hey, Dad, okay, I got most of my stuff.
But I'm gonna have to come back here for a few things, so I'll see ya later? Nothin'? Just sugar pyramids? Okay.
'K, bro.
What? Okay.
Uh-huh.
Oh, that's enough, Brian.
That's enough.
(DOORS SHUT) Come on with the sad faces, all right? I know I'm movin' out, but this is good.
Yeah, Rita's place is $150 a month.
(VOICE) When can I see your new place? I'd like to meet Rita.
Can you give me like a few days to get settled in, you know, unpack my things? Is that cool? Okay.
(DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE STARTS) (LOUD MUSIC PLAYS) (ENGINE RUMBLES) It's working.
Do you wanna get a Town Car? (VOICE) Eat one-quarter only.
Oh.
(ENGINE HUMS) Oh, all right.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES) WENDY: I'll see you guys later.
Sorry I tried to fight you last night, Michelle.
(HORN HONKS) Ugh, Manny! Where did you disappear to last night? One second we were watching you dance with a hot boy, and the next second the hot boy and you were gone.
I'm a little bit of a detective, so I am pretty sure you and the boy hooked up.
- Tell me about it, please.
- Wendy, are you sitting? Yeah, what's up? Did you and Dad get into more trouble - with the men from the woods? - No.
It's your boyfriend.
- Is he okay? - Uh, this is not easy, Wendy, but I gotta tell you, I'm your friend and I gotta tell you this.
My friend Sandy did the pool hall last night, and uh, she saw Darren in the washroom makin' out with a girl.
I have pictures but I don't wanna send 'em to you.
- Send me the pictures.
- Okay, I'll send them to you.
(TEXT MESSAGE CHIMES) I'm really sorry.
I hate him.
I really do.
I gotta get to work, and I'll see you later tonight, okay? Wendy? Can you say something, Wendy? - And - Oh, so cute! Don't go chasin' waterfalls.
(CAT MEOWS) This sticky-note colour waterfall celebrates Taylor's production approval, and new boxes! New boxes? Yeah.
Taylor sent some notes to production.
I didn't see them, you didn't see them.
So, yeah, we lost the see-through packaging, and they kind of um how do you say, - re-worked the box? - Well, you know what? It is the first mega cereal, and we are bringin' toys back, Shel-bellers.
Yup, we are.
Collaboration means working with other people.
Teamwork.
- Team - BOTH: work.
- I'd rock a tea right now, Shel.
- Yes, right away.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) DON: Hi, pretty, girl.
Oh come on, come on down.
Yeah? (RACCOON CHIRPS) There we go.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) Good girl.
(RACCOON PURRS) WOMAN: What? How did you do that? It's just experience, you know.
- Thank you so, so much.
- No problem.
So hard to get in touch with you guys.
I know my phone's ringin' like crazy, these raccoons are runnin' a racket up in this city, - you know what I mean? - I'll say.
Yeah.
If you look, I meshed up the fence here, all along the sides, so this is guaranteed work.
- Great.
How much? - Um, 3 raccoons is $480? $480, okay.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) BRIAN: North is that way.
Where-where is he? - (RACCOON CHIRPS) - It's okay, okay.
Thank you.
Just slip that in my pocket? - Oh sure.
- Thank you.
BRIAN: Hey! Hey! DON: Could you just give me one second? - Uh, sure.
- I'm sorry.
Okay.
Dummies, what are you what are you doing here? BRIAN: What? We tracked you here.
- What? - Yeah, in the hood.
Tracking device.
You know, in your hoodie.
You know, when I came in for that hug? You live here? Let us see your apartment.
Come on, what is wrong with you two? Are you worried about me, Dad? Because look at me, I'm fine.
All right? You two are not okay.
Are you you're high.
You guys are high.
You guys are drivin' around in Mom's car service gettin' high on marijuana coconut butter with your son, Dad? Brian, what about you? What are you gonna do, are you gonna get a job? You gonna do something? Just gonna get high with the old man? Hmm.
Okay, look, you think getting a job and moving out of the house is everything? It's not gonna solve all your problems.
You two, go home! - Ah, crap.
Oh, Shel? - What is it? Uh, I knew it, I knew it.
Oh dear, poor Wenners.
That guy's super gross.
Okay, uh come on, Wenners.
Wendy? Wendy.
Wendy, are you okay? I'm fine.
I mean I would've married that idiot, and now I'm gonna be alone forever, but I'm fine.
Are you eating pizza right now? No, no I am not eating pizza.
Okay, I only ask, it's no big deal, only because you asked me to remind you since you tend to eat pizza when you're really freaked out.
Yeah, that's why I am not eating any pizza right.
Okay, Wendy, I just, I want you to drop what you're doin' right now, and I'll send a Town Car, and come to work, okay, come to my office.
Is it okay if I visit you at the office? Because Shellers is usually pretty weird with me.
Wendy, family first, okay, I would love to see you now.
Please come over, we'll talk.
- I'm sending a car right now.
- Okay.
(WIPES OFF PIZZA) SECURITY: Uh, excuse me No actually I won't get wanded, I don't feel like it, so take out your guns and shoot me if you don't want me to go to my mom's, okay? Okay.
You boys have a great day, okay? Just kidding, I don't care.
SHELLERS: Yes, both cats live full-time at the office.
We'd like the vet to come here if possible for their regular dental check-up? Great, I'll send a Town Car.
Did you have a big lunch, or somethin'? - Can I help you? - What kind of pink is that? It's Rockaberry Fruit pink.
Cynthia's favourite.
- Yeah, okay.
- Wow, okay.
Please just wear this pass.
- Okey dokey.
- Great.
Seriously? (BASKETS THUD) (DOOR CLOSES) (PHONE RINGS) Hey, Brian? Look dude Yeah, I'm sorry that I freaked at you guys earlier, all right, you just can't follow me around at my job, okay, just (SIGHS) Where are you guys? (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Hi.
I'm still mad at you guys for tracking me.
Look, Don, I-I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you, but Dad is especially sorry for making you feel like you had to move out.
No.
Look, all right.
It is not about that.
This is about me.
What is up with you guys and having me have to live at home? All right? You're gonna see me.
You're gonna see me all the time.
Dad, okay, I think I got somethin' that might cheer you up.
This is $3,200 dollars, cash.
It's everything I owe you.
We're square now.
Come on! (VOICE) What's so special about this girl's apartment? It's cheap, and it's cool, and it's weird, man.
Well, so is living at home.
Rita and I have a lot in common.
(VOICE) Like you and Manny? No, Dad, not like me and Manny.
Rita is on her own path.
She's an animal activist, she's saving raccoons, she's crazy smart, she quit med school.
Do you wanna meet her? God, I'm so sorry.
Darren's just such a total dirt bag.
I mean Maybe we should just like do the open cheating thing that you and Dad do.
Oh, but Wendy, no, no, not the same thing, okay.
Cheating is deception, and your father and I don't deceive each other.
When your father asked me to marry him, I suggested that we have an understanding, okay, and God knows your Dad had understandings of his own.
Okay, no, I don't need to know about that.
Ugh, just just say polyamory.
But that would imply that I love other people, but I don't.
Wendy, I just love your Dad.
So, you don't love Bryce? Oh, are you kidding? My no.
Okay, Bryce is a nice guy, he's a friend, right.
I he likes hiking, and low carbs, and taquitos, you know, but no he uh, he also looks like a model.
Oh my God! Oh mom, don't show me that.
That's weird, but Come on.
See what I'm saying? Congratulations, wow.
But don't show me oh wow.
So you know what I'm saying here, it's okay to date the crazy guys.
I get it.
But only for like 5 minutes, and then just run before you start screaming, okay? Don't stick with the dumb ones.
Not worth it.
Yeah, you're right.
I can do better.
Oh my gosh, yes, you're a total catch.
Thank you.
I just wish people said that more.
Come to me.
I will tell you what a catch you are.
I mean you're my Mom, so it should be a dude, but I like the sentiment.
Show me that pic again? Sports therapist.
Hey, take the car all afternoon, go and clear your head.
I love you.
I'm gonna be fine.
I know everything you need It's gonna be fine.
- Even secrets that you keep - (HEY BOY) Okay, we are going to make two stops.
Number one, a liquor store, number two, - I have a different idea.
- Yes, ma'am.
Your desires I will meet Hey boy, hey boy I know everything you need DON: Okay, guys, check it out.
Uh, Rita, she's very cool, very chill.
Um, but there's a couple ground rules.
Brian, speak when spoken to; Dad, do not touch anything.
And I will come and get you when she is ready.
Please stay here.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD) (BEADS RUSTLE) - Hey, Rita? Rita? Coffee? - Yes, thank God.
Yes, that's from my Dad, he's here with Brian, my brother, - you met Brian.
- What? No visitors.
- Hi.
- Uh, hey guys, come on in.
So Rita, this is my Dad, Owen.
Thanks for the coffee.
Sorry there's not really anywhere to sit.
Yeah, I don't really get a lot of visitors, and I've asked not to be interrupted by any.
You know, I kinda like this box stuff.
It's really cool.
Yeah uh, this work is not ready to be seen, or shared.
Yeah, yeah.
(VOICE) What are you working on? What am I working on? What are you working on? I just told you that my work is not ready to be seen or shared, and you don't seem to get that, which leads me back to your dumb son, Don.
Why are you bringing random civilian meatheads into my apartment, and why are these random civilian meatheads interrogating me? You're on thin ice.
You pay $150 bucks a month, man, this is total DS, dumb shit.
You got that, Pops? DS, dumb shit.
You know, the vibe in here was really good, and then she said all that crazy stuff.
Ew, get your nerd-crush eyes off me.
Okay, you, it's time to go.
This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.
Nerd-crush eyes, speak when spoken to, don't touch anything.
What a super group you two make.
Full fail.
Let's go.
(BEADS RATTLE) Dad, I've moved out.
I'm sorry, you gotta get over it.
(BEADS RATTLE) (RACCOON CHIRPS) I know everything you need (I know, I know) Even secrets that you keep Hmm, there's his car.
(Hey boy, hey boy) You can always count on me (On me, on me) Your desires I will meet (HEY BOY) Take 5, I might be a while.
(TURNS ENGINE OFF, DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE) (ALCOHOL SLOSHES, FOOTSTEPS THUD) Hey, Darren, see you've taken up smoking again! Guess the science is still out on that, hey? I know what this looks like, and this is not what you think it looks like.
This is humiliating.
How could you do this to me? Do what to you? I mean we were just talking.
We were just talking in her house over there.
She's going through some stuff, and I'm being a good friend.
I'm helping.
Okay, this is all a surprise to me.
I'm out.
We got drunk a couple times.
I do not care about your husband, he didn't even mention he had a wife.
(SIGHS) I'm not his wife, but I am his present, and long-time, girlfriend.
So, did you sleep with my boyfriend? Wendy, don't ask that question.
- Darren, shut up.
- I did.
I'm so sorry.
- (STOMPS AWAY) - You're really beautiful.
(STOMPS QUICKLY, OPENS DOOR) Can you just drive please? Oh my God, what is even happening? (OPENS DOOR) PATRICIA: What are you waiting for, you asshole, - go after your wife.
- She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
(WENDY SCREAMING AND CRYING) DARREN: Patricia, wait! Just hold on, wait! No Wendy! Patricia! I need the keys they're in the fridge, on top of the fridge in the kitchen.
Ah! - Wendy! - (BOTTLE SHATTERS) Oh fuck, man! (CAR RUMBLES UP) (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, Mom! - Hey, Brian.
- I'll take that.
- Thank you.
- Hey, Wendy! - Hmm, Wendy - What's up? - Darren cheated on her.
(CAR RUMBLES AWAY) I caught him! I caught him.
(STOMPS) Oh God, Wenners, you're Oh Wenners.
Wenners! (DOOR SLAMS) (LOUD ROCK MUSIC) (TIRES SCREECH) (SHUTS ENGINE OFF) - DARREN: Owen! - (DOOR SLAMS) I need to talk to Wendy, is she in there? Owen, hey! Listen, I don't need to talk to you, I don't need to talk to any of you guys.
(SIGHS) Uh, okay.
Here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna on the side of you here, I'm gonna walk inside your house, I'm gonna apologize to your daughter.
Okay? We can do this one of two ways.
The easy way, or the hard way.
Okay? Oh Owen.
That's too bad for you.
Oh yeah, you're gonna choke me out.
Real original, man.
Yeah well, guess what, I've been choked out before, Owen, and I'm pretty sure you're doin' it wrong.
(BODY THUDS) - He's still breathin' right? - He's fine.
Take him home, Brian.
- Hell yeah.
- (TRUNK CLOSES) Subtitle corrections by
- So you need a roommate.
I'm movin' in with Rita, Brian.
RITA: Rule #1, no friends allowed, ever.
Why? Dad's gonna freak! DON: We're makin' a difference, man, we're savin' raccoons! Well, what about making a difference in your brother's life? If you leave, my game will be so shook.
(IN UNISON) Rockaberry Fruit Drones! Scale down that fruity stuff, focus on the wheat.
- Wheat Rock Drones.
- That is so cool.
I love it.
Let's make it happen! VERN: Taylor, the Froot Loops jacket's missing.
- I got it.
- Yes.
BRIAN: Mom, I lost the jacket.
CYNTHIA: You're kidding.
How are things with Darren? WENDY: I know that you think he's a loser.
- What? - We're great, Mom.
What's up? (FOOTSTEPS THUD, CABLES RATTLE) (RACCOON PURRS) Brian, check this out, man.
Toss the cable from the middle, all right, loop, loop, loop, this way the cable develops a memory and it always lies flat, okay? Who cares about memory, okay? I'm never gonna need to know this, how to wrap XLR's properly.
What if I go on tour with the new record, okay, and I'm lookin' for a roadie who can wrap cables? Right? I'd want my brother, man, I'd want you.
Don't take this wrong way, but I hope things don't work out for you at Rita's 'cause I dunno why you'd wanna leave this place.
Brian, I'm 28, man, I can't live at home.
Yeah, well, I know 28 year olds who are still livin' at home, rockin' it.
Bryce, Bryce, no calls.
Yes, I will tell her the tickets are booked.
Thank you.
- (PHONE RINGS) - Oh hey.
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER, KEYS CLACK) - (PHONE RINGS) - Hi, Vern.
Cynthia, I'm so sorry to bug you about this again, but any luck on the jacket? Anyone heard anything? No, no, no, no, Vern, you cannot just saunter in here with your phone tricks and try to get some alone time with Cynthia.
Okay, you have to remember the protocol: you check in with me, we make an appointment.
We know this, right, Vern? Yeah, I'm sorry, I knew that I'm - It's okay.
- Just Vern, I'm gonna try to help you find that Froot Loops jacket.
Don't worry, okay? And hey, if we can't find it, maybe we can find someone who can make you a new one.
Yeah, I'll make you a new one.
No-no thanks.
That's the Froot Loops jacket I won at the sales conference.
1983, Florida.
Oh yeah, Taylor told us all about it.
Yeah.
You closed three cereal markets in one weekend, and after the smoke cleared, 7 million.
I mean, everybody knows about the famous - Vern 7-million-dollar weekend.
- Oh yeah.
- Taylor told you about that? - Yeah.
Vern, Taylor tells everyone about that.
He brags about you all the time.
Well, it was a big sale.
Very big.
And you know what, I need to mention to you, I need to take next week off, you know, just try to catch up with you and your sales records.
But we are gonna find your Froot Loops jacket.
Okay? 5 days notice.
Don't worry about the jacket.
And uh take the whole week off.
- Love you, Vern! - I love you.
(BLOWS KISS) (PHONE RINGS) Thanks, Vern, I have a lot of paperwork to do.
See ya later.
DON: Hey, Dad, okay, I got most of my stuff.
But I'm gonna have to come back here for a few things, so I'll see ya later? Nothin'? Just sugar pyramids? Okay.
'K, bro.
What? Okay.
Uh-huh.
Oh, that's enough, Brian.
That's enough.
(DOORS SHUT) Come on with the sad faces, all right? I know I'm movin' out, but this is good.
Yeah, Rita's place is $150 a month.
(VOICE) When can I see your new place? I'd like to meet Rita.
Can you give me like a few days to get settled in, you know, unpack my things? Is that cool? Okay.
(DOOR CLOSES, ENGINE STARTS) (LOUD MUSIC PLAYS) (ENGINE RUMBLES) It's working.
Do you wanna get a Town Car? (VOICE) Eat one-quarter only.
Oh.
(ENGINE HUMS) Oh, all right.
(CAR DOOR CLOSES) WENDY: I'll see you guys later.
Sorry I tried to fight you last night, Michelle.
(HORN HONKS) Ugh, Manny! Where did you disappear to last night? One second we were watching you dance with a hot boy, and the next second the hot boy and you were gone.
I'm a little bit of a detective, so I am pretty sure you and the boy hooked up.
- Tell me about it, please.
- Wendy, are you sitting? Yeah, what's up? Did you and Dad get into more trouble - with the men from the woods? - No.
It's your boyfriend.
- Is he okay? - Uh, this is not easy, Wendy, but I gotta tell you, I'm your friend and I gotta tell you this.
My friend Sandy did the pool hall last night, and uh, she saw Darren in the washroom makin' out with a girl.
I have pictures but I don't wanna send 'em to you.
- Send me the pictures.
- Okay, I'll send them to you.
(TEXT MESSAGE CHIMES) I'm really sorry.
I hate him.
I really do.
I gotta get to work, and I'll see you later tonight, okay? Wendy? Can you say something, Wendy? - And - Oh, so cute! Don't go chasin' waterfalls.
(CAT MEOWS) This sticky-note colour waterfall celebrates Taylor's production approval, and new boxes! New boxes? Yeah.
Taylor sent some notes to production.
I didn't see them, you didn't see them.
So, yeah, we lost the see-through packaging, and they kind of um how do you say, - re-worked the box? - Well, you know what? It is the first mega cereal, and we are bringin' toys back, Shel-bellers.
Yup, we are.
Collaboration means working with other people.
Teamwork.
- Team - BOTH: work.
- I'd rock a tea right now, Shel.
- Yes, right away.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) DON: Hi, pretty, girl.
Oh come on, come on down.
Yeah? (RACCOON CHIRPS) There we go.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) Good girl.
(RACCOON PURRS) WOMAN: What? How did you do that? It's just experience, you know.
- Thank you so, so much.
- No problem.
So hard to get in touch with you guys.
I know my phone's ringin' like crazy, these raccoons are runnin' a racket up in this city, - you know what I mean? - I'll say.
Yeah.
If you look, I meshed up the fence here, all along the sides, so this is guaranteed work.
- Great.
How much? - Um, 3 raccoons is $480? $480, okay.
(RACCOON CHIRPS) BRIAN: North is that way.
Where-where is he? - (RACCOON CHIRPS) - It's okay, okay.
Thank you.
Just slip that in my pocket? - Oh sure.
- Thank you.
BRIAN: Hey! Hey! DON: Could you just give me one second? - Uh, sure.
- I'm sorry.
Okay.
Dummies, what are you what are you doing here? BRIAN: What? We tracked you here.
- What? - Yeah, in the hood.
Tracking device.
You know, in your hoodie.
You know, when I came in for that hug? You live here? Let us see your apartment.
Come on, what is wrong with you two? Are you worried about me, Dad? Because look at me, I'm fine.
All right? You two are not okay.
Are you you're high.
You guys are high.
You guys are drivin' around in Mom's car service gettin' high on marijuana coconut butter with your son, Dad? Brian, what about you? What are you gonna do, are you gonna get a job? You gonna do something? Just gonna get high with the old man? Hmm.
Okay, look, you think getting a job and moving out of the house is everything? It's not gonna solve all your problems.
You two, go home! - Ah, crap.
Oh, Shel? - What is it? Uh, I knew it, I knew it.
Oh dear, poor Wenners.
That guy's super gross.
Okay, uh come on, Wenners.
Wendy? Wendy.
Wendy, are you okay? I'm fine.
I mean I would've married that idiot, and now I'm gonna be alone forever, but I'm fine.
Are you eating pizza right now? No, no I am not eating pizza.
Okay, I only ask, it's no big deal, only because you asked me to remind you since you tend to eat pizza when you're really freaked out.
Yeah, that's why I am not eating any pizza right.
Okay, Wendy, I just, I want you to drop what you're doin' right now, and I'll send a Town Car, and come to work, okay, come to my office.
Is it okay if I visit you at the office? Because Shellers is usually pretty weird with me.
Wendy, family first, okay, I would love to see you now.
Please come over, we'll talk.
- I'm sending a car right now.
- Okay.
(WIPES OFF PIZZA) SECURITY: Uh, excuse me No actually I won't get wanded, I don't feel like it, so take out your guns and shoot me if you don't want me to go to my mom's, okay? Okay.
You boys have a great day, okay? Just kidding, I don't care.
SHELLERS: Yes, both cats live full-time at the office.
We'd like the vet to come here if possible for their regular dental check-up? Great, I'll send a Town Car.
Did you have a big lunch, or somethin'? - Can I help you? - What kind of pink is that? It's Rockaberry Fruit pink.
Cynthia's favourite.
- Yeah, okay.
- Wow, okay.
Please just wear this pass.
- Okey dokey.
- Great.
Seriously? (BASKETS THUD) (DOOR CLOSES) (PHONE RINGS) Hey, Brian? Look dude Yeah, I'm sorry that I freaked at you guys earlier, all right, you just can't follow me around at my job, okay, just (SIGHS) Where are you guys? (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Hi.
I'm still mad at you guys for tracking me.
Look, Don, I-I'm sorry for putting the GPS on you, but Dad is especially sorry for making you feel like you had to move out.
No.
Look, all right.
It is not about that.
This is about me.
What is up with you guys and having me have to live at home? All right? You're gonna see me.
You're gonna see me all the time.
Dad, okay, I think I got somethin' that might cheer you up.
This is $3,200 dollars, cash.
It's everything I owe you.
We're square now.
Come on! (VOICE) What's so special about this girl's apartment? It's cheap, and it's cool, and it's weird, man.
Well, so is living at home.
Rita and I have a lot in common.
(VOICE) Like you and Manny? No, Dad, not like me and Manny.
Rita is on her own path.
She's an animal activist, she's saving raccoons, she's crazy smart, she quit med school.
Do you wanna meet her? God, I'm so sorry.
Darren's just such a total dirt bag.
I mean Maybe we should just like do the open cheating thing that you and Dad do.
Oh, but Wendy, no, no, not the same thing, okay.
Cheating is deception, and your father and I don't deceive each other.
When your father asked me to marry him, I suggested that we have an understanding, okay, and God knows your Dad had understandings of his own.
Okay, no, I don't need to know about that.
Ugh, just just say polyamory.
But that would imply that I love other people, but I don't.
Wendy, I just love your Dad.
So, you don't love Bryce? Oh, are you kidding? My no.
Okay, Bryce is a nice guy, he's a friend, right.
I he likes hiking, and low carbs, and taquitos, you know, but no he uh, he also looks like a model.
Oh my God! Oh mom, don't show me that.
That's weird, but Come on.
See what I'm saying? Congratulations, wow.
But don't show me oh wow.
So you know what I'm saying here, it's okay to date the crazy guys.
I get it.
But only for like 5 minutes, and then just run before you start screaming, okay? Don't stick with the dumb ones.
Not worth it.
Yeah, you're right.
I can do better.
Oh my gosh, yes, you're a total catch.
Thank you.
I just wish people said that more.
Come to me.
I will tell you what a catch you are.
I mean you're my Mom, so it should be a dude, but I like the sentiment.
Show me that pic again? Sports therapist.
Hey, take the car all afternoon, go and clear your head.
I love you.
I'm gonna be fine.
I know everything you need It's gonna be fine.
- Even secrets that you keep - (HEY BOY) Okay, we are going to make two stops.
Number one, a liquor store, number two, - I have a different idea.
- Yes, ma'am.
Your desires I will meet Hey boy, hey boy I know everything you need DON: Okay, guys, check it out.
Uh, Rita, she's very cool, very chill.
Um, but there's a couple ground rules.
Brian, speak when spoken to; Dad, do not touch anything.
And I will come and get you when she is ready.
Please stay here.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD) (BEADS RUSTLE) - Hey, Rita? Rita? Coffee? - Yes, thank God.
Yes, that's from my Dad, he's here with Brian, my brother, - you met Brian.
- What? No visitors.
- Hi.
- Uh, hey guys, come on in.
So Rita, this is my Dad, Owen.
Thanks for the coffee.
Sorry there's not really anywhere to sit.
Yeah, I don't really get a lot of visitors, and I've asked not to be interrupted by any.
You know, I kinda like this box stuff.
It's really cool.
Yeah uh, this work is not ready to be seen, or shared.
Yeah, yeah.
(VOICE) What are you working on? What am I working on? What are you working on? I just told you that my work is not ready to be seen or shared, and you don't seem to get that, which leads me back to your dumb son, Don.
Why are you bringing random civilian meatheads into my apartment, and why are these random civilian meatheads interrogating me? You're on thin ice.
You pay $150 bucks a month, man, this is total DS, dumb shit.
You got that, Pops? DS, dumb shit.
You know, the vibe in here was really good, and then she said all that crazy stuff.
Ew, get your nerd-crush eyes off me.
Okay, you, it's time to go.
This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.
Nerd-crush eyes, speak when spoken to, don't touch anything.
What a super group you two make.
Full fail.
Let's go.
(BEADS RATTLE) Dad, I've moved out.
I'm sorry, you gotta get over it.
(BEADS RATTLE) (RACCOON CHIRPS) I know everything you need (I know, I know) Even secrets that you keep Hmm, there's his car.
(Hey boy, hey boy) You can always count on me (On me, on me) Your desires I will meet (HEY BOY) Take 5, I might be a while.
(TURNS ENGINE OFF, DOORS OPEN AND CLOSE) (ALCOHOL SLOSHES, FOOTSTEPS THUD) Hey, Darren, see you've taken up smoking again! Guess the science is still out on that, hey? I know what this looks like, and this is not what you think it looks like.
This is humiliating.
How could you do this to me? Do what to you? I mean we were just talking.
We were just talking in her house over there.
She's going through some stuff, and I'm being a good friend.
I'm helping.
Okay, this is all a surprise to me.
I'm out.
We got drunk a couple times.
I do not care about your husband, he didn't even mention he had a wife.
(SIGHS) I'm not his wife, but I am his present, and long-time, girlfriend.
So, did you sleep with my boyfriend? Wendy, don't ask that question.
- Darren, shut up.
- I did.
I'm so sorry.
- (STOMPS AWAY) - You're really beautiful.
(STOMPS QUICKLY, OPENS DOOR) Can you just drive please? Oh my God, what is even happening? (OPENS DOOR) PATRICIA: What are you waiting for, you asshole, - go after your wife.
- She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
(WENDY SCREAMING AND CRYING) DARREN: Patricia, wait! Just hold on, wait! No Wendy! Patricia! I need the keys they're in the fridge, on top of the fridge in the kitchen.
Ah! - Wendy! - (BOTTLE SHATTERS) Oh fuck, man! (CAR RUMBLES UP) (DOOR OPENS) - Hey, Mom! - Hey, Brian.
- I'll take that.
- Thank you.
- Hey, Wendy! - Hmm, Wendy - What's up? - Darren cheated on her.
(CAR RUMBLES AWAY) I caught him! I caught him.
(STOMPS) Oh God, Wenners, you're Oh Wenners.
Wenners! (DOOR SLAMS) (LOUD ROCK MUSIC) (TIRES SCREECH) (SHUTS ENGINE OFF) - DARREN: Owen! - (DOOR SLAMS) I need to talk to Wendy, is she in there? Owen, hey! Listen, I don't need to talk to you, I don't need to talk to any of you guys.
(SIGHS) Uh, okay.
Here's what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna on the side of you here, I'm gonna walk inside your house, I'm gonna apologize to your daughter.
Okay? We can do this one of two ways.
The easy way, or the hard way.
Okay? Oh Owen.
That's too bad for you.
Oh yeah, you're gonna choke me out.
Real original, man.
Yeah well, guess what, I've been choked out before, Owen, and I'm pretty sure you're doin' it wrong.
(BODY THUDS) - He's still breathin' right? - He's fine.
Take him home, Brian.
- Hell yeah.
- (TRUNK CLOSES) Subtitle corrections by